Xenia Dragunskaya. From the series "When I was little

When I was little, things happened to me funny stories. I myself did not remember them, but my father and mother, and even grandmothers, told me about them.

Sun

I was about three years I got sick and didn't go to kindergarten Mom and I were at home.
Mom was cooking something in the kitchen, and I went up to her and asked her for a bowl of jam. The jam was strawberry. A few minutes later I came with an empty vase for another serving of jam. Mom was surprised, but poured me more. Well, when I came for the third time and said: "Renya." Mom decided to see where I put it. And when she entered the room, she froze in place: on a light lilac carpet, the sun with rays was laid out with strawberries, and the middle was filled with jam syrup.

Boots

My dad took me to kindergarten, and my mom picked me up. It was early spring outside and the roads were slippery. I often fell and mom or dad had to pick me up, and sometimes carry me in his arms.
And then one evening I went up to my dad and said:
“And I know why I fall.
- Why? Dad asked me.
- My boots don't have eyes. And they do not see where they need to go and go on the ice.
“Well, then they need to glue their eyes on,” said dad, after a little thought.
We took scissors and a band-aid, cut out two circles-eyes and glued them onto my boots.
Then I proudly told everyone that my boots do not drop me anymore, because they have eyes, and they see everything.

Best friend

My grandmother Toma had a spaniel dog. Her name was Jinka. But it was difficult for me to pronounce Jink and I got Jink. She and I were best friends.
Every summer we lived in the country, there was a large clearing in the yard, overgrown with clover (now it is gone, our house now stands in this place), and Jinka and I loved to sit and play in this clearing. I tried on my panama hats and hats on the dog, tied the ears with bows, and she endured everything. She probably liked it too.
And somehow, my mother's brother, Uncle Gena came to us and brought me a Picnic chocolate bar. As always, Jinka and I sat down on the blanket spread out for us by our mother on the grass and began to eat a candy bar. First, I took a bite, and Jinka fidgeted on the blanket and squealed with impatience. And then I handed the bar to her, she carefully bit off a piece and chewed for a long time, snorting comically. So we ate it, and Jinka even licked the wrapper.
Well, when my mother scolded us, we ran out of the gate out of resentment and harmfulness. And we couldn't do it. And that's why the gates were always closed. But we found a way: Jinka arched her back a little and darted under the gate. I got on all fours and how my girlfriend arched her back, and crawled under them. Well, then we were again scolded for escaping from the yard.
That's the kind of funny friend I had.

When I was little, I thought that all adults were smart

When I was little, I thought that all adults are smart, all children are the same, and a dude named Klubkin travels the world and shows his travels on TV.

But let's talk about children.

Once I looked at a boy who was hysterical in a store, demanding a chocolate bar, and thought - fi. You just don't know how to educate them. In a house where there are books on the shelves and classical music sounds in the air, the child does not beat in hysterics. He pushes the volume of Schopenhauer away from him and asks, “Mommy, can I have a chocolate bar?”.

I looked at the girl who was bludgeoning her partner in the sandbox with a shovel, and thought - fi. My child will never hit anyone with a shovel. Never and no one. In a house where there is music on the shelves, hereinafter.

And then I had two children. One by one without regaining consciousness.

Since then, the girl with the shovel comes into my dreams. She beats me on the compol and asks in the voice of Schopenhauer: “So what? Received? Received? You just don’t know how to educate them properly!”.

The fact that I do not know how to properly educate them was the discovery number one.
The fact that all children are surprise! - different, was the discovery number two.

Let's take the girl Sanechka.
The room is a mess. Come on, I say, let's clean up. Cleaning in the morning, I say, in the evening - cartoons.
The girl Sanya honestly cleans the room and watches well-deserved cartoons.

And now let's take the boy Seryozha. Serezha first asks how many cartoons he can watch if he cleans the room. The price is negotiated on the shore, the boy Seryozha rightly believes. Then Serezha trades. He tastefully brawls about the fact that 2 cartoons are not enough, and he needs 3. Because 3 cartoons, mommy, is better than 2 cartoons, mommy, you are some stupid mommy.
After that Serezha builds a castle, draws a dinosaur and talks with a toy hamster. Then he comes and says that Seyezinka is tired, that her tummy wants to eat, and her eyes want a cartoon, and her arms and legs can’t do anything at all.
I don't know how to get Serezha to clean the room. Hello to you, o girl with a spatula.

Or let's take how you spent the day.
The girl Sanya loves to tell how she spent the day. As she came to school in the morning. Met Nina. Then they went to breakfast. For breakfast there was a tasteless porridge, then there was mathematics, then they went to the buffet, and so briefly for 40 minutes.

The boy Seryozha does not spoil us with information.
Papa started drinking me into the garden, we kusiyi, then Maxim beat me, then I beat Maxim, then I sleep, then dad pisey. Se!

The girl Sanya loves to put her sweets in a beautiful box, and then admire and count them.
The boy Seryozha loves to gobble up his candies, and then steal strangers from a beautiful box.

The girl Sanya went to school at the age of 6. When we were at the interview, Sanya saw a glass figurine of a deer on the secretary's desk. Glass deer, motherfucker! This is what you need to think about.
Sanya sobbed for two hours with burning tears that her life without such a deer now is not sweet. Right there, at school, and sobbed. Pupils walked by, teachers looked sternly, and under the secretary's table a girl with a spade giggled maliciously.

Sanya picks out the raisins from the pie and eats only the dough.
Seryozha picks raisins out of the pie and eats only raisins.

Seryozha sleeps during the day for two hours.
Sanya has not slept during the day since she was two years old.
I don’t know, it’s about different children, or about a girl with a spatula, think of it yourself.

Sanya has never put coins, beads and details from the designer into her mouth. Never never never.
Serezha makes us happy to this day. I recently swallowed a coin and began to choke. If not for my sister, who quickly turned it upside down and shook out this coin, then I don’t even want to think.

Neither Sanya nor Serezha know how to go to the museum. All they are interested in in the museum is to eat. Eating in museums usually does not happen, so they are not interested in museums. Hello, books on the shelves and music murmuring in the cistern.

I have always dreamed of baking with my children. You know, this idyllic picture beautiful mother in an apron, and next to him are two children with their hair cut out Christmas cookies with cookie cutters.
I had three attempts.
For the first time, it turned out that I had dangerous molds. If you press them on the dough from the wrong side, you can cut yourself cool. At that time, Sanya covered the whole kitchen with blood, my hands were shaking, and I threw out the molds.

The second attempt took place after Seryozha was born and grew up a little. With new, safe plastic moulds. It turned out that Seryozha loves dough very much. As soon as I turned away, Seryozha ate the dough. Actually, there was not enough dough for cookies.

The third time the stars were on our side. No one cut himself or pooped raw dough for two days in a row.
I just washed the kitchen, the corridor, myself and the children for half a day. And then I decided - well, fuck him, these are cookies.
But yesterday, for some reason, I made the dough again! Lying in the refrigerator, threatening. I'm also a bit of a fighter. Proud!

But with the deer - the problem.
Do you know where you can buy a small glass deer?
I suspect the spatula girl knows.
But he doesn't speak.

Svetlana Bagiyan

2755

Also Reading Now

When I was little, one Fedka fell in love with me. He gave me a very beautiful antique porcelain doll, slightly bald, in a lace dress.

But I fell in love with the science teacher. She traded the doll for a guinea pig and gave it to him.

And the natural history teacher fell in love with the physical education teacher. I sold a guinea pig at the Bird Market, bought a hefty weight and presented it to a physical education teacher.

And we all got sick with scarlet fever. But it was not from the doll, not from the guinea pig, and not from the kettlebell that we became infected. We got infected from the Hero of the Soviet Union, pilot-cosmonaut Zatykaichenko, who came to our school and greeted all the teachers by the hand, and personally patted each student on the head.

Well, I’m all lying, because astronauts don’t get sick with scarlet fever…

how i became a girl

When I was little, I was a boy. Well, first as a boy, and then as a girl.

This is how it was. As a boy, I was a hooligan and always offended girls. And then one day, when I pulled the pigtails of two girls at once, a wizard passed by and shook his head. And in the evening I turned into a girl. My mother was surprised and delighted, because she always wanted a daughter. And I began to live as a girl.

Oh, and unsweetened was the girl's life! All the time they pulled my pigtails, teased me, put my legs up, poured nasty puddle water from spray bottles. And when I cried or complained, they called me a sneak and a crybaby.

Once I shouted to the offending boys:

Hey! Here you go! They will turn you into girls, then you will know!

The boys were very surprised. And I told them what happened to me. They, of course, were frightened and did not offend the girls anymore. They were only treated to sweets and invited to the circus.

I liked this life, and I no longer began to turn back into a boy.

How was my name chosen?

When I was little, I really didn't like my name. Well, where does it fit - Ksyusha? That's just what cats are called. Of course, I wanted to be called something beautiful. Here in our class one girl was called Elvira Cherezabornoguzaderishchenskaya. The teacher's pen even broke while she was writing this girl in a journal. In general, I was terribly offended, I came home and cried:

Why do I have such a funny and ugly name?!

What are you, daughter, - said my mother. - Your name is just wonderful. After all, as soon as you were born, all our relatives gathered at our house and began to think about what to name you. Uncle Edik said that the name Prepedigna would suit you very well, and grandfather decided that you should simply be called Rocket.

But Aunt Vera believed that there was nothing in the world more beautiful than the name Golendukh. Golendukha! After all, that was the name of your fourth cousin great-great-grandmother! She was so beautiful that the king married her. And she made him jam from young fly agarics, so tasty that he overate them to death. And everyone was very happy, because this king was very harmful and evil. I canceled birthdays and fought all the time with just anyone. Horror, not a king! But after him came another king - cheerful and kind. That's what your fourth cousin great-great-grandmother is doing! She was even given a badge: "Excellent in the fight against evil kings"!

And then Aunt Vera suggested calling you Golendukha. “What else Golendukha ?!” Aunt Masha shouted and even threw a plate of raspberry jelly at Aunt Vera. The plate hit Aunt Verina's head and made a hole in it. I had to take Aunt Vera to the hospital. And there such a kind and skillful doctor quickly, quickly sewed up a holey head, so that there was no trace left. This kind doctor's name was Ksyusha Igorevna Paramonova. It was in honor of her that we named you Ksyusha.

Since then, I even like my name a little. After all, all sorts of Golenduhi there are even worse!

Fake teeth and a cuckoo clock

When I was little, all sorts of other many other people were also small. For example, my friend Alyosha. We sat at the same desk with him.

One day the teacher says to him:

Well, Alexei, read by heart the poem that I asked for at home.

And he says:

I didn't learn. I lost my last milk tooth yesterday. And even a runny nose began ...

And the teacher says:

So what? All my teeth have fallen out, and I go to work.

And how he will take all his teeth out of his mouth at once! We were so scared! Irka Belikova even started crying. And our teacher's teeth were simply not real. The principal entered the classroom. And he was also scared. But he didn't cry. He brought us another teacher - cheerful and with real teeth that cannot be removed from her mouth.

And that teacher was presented with a cuckoo clock and sent to a well-deserved rest - that is, to retire. Long time ago!

When I was little

When I was little, I was very forgetful. I'm still forgetful, but before - just awful! ..

In the first grade, I forgot to come to school on the first of September, and I had to wait a whole year for the next September first to go straight to the second.

And in the second grade, I forgot my backpack with textbooks and notebooks, and I had to return home. I took a knapsack, but forgot the way to school and remembered it only in the fourth grade. But in the fourth grade, I forgot to comb my hair and came to school completely shaggy. And in the fifth - she mixed up - it's autumn now, winter or summer - and instead of skis she brought flippers to physical education. And in the sixth grade, I forgot that you have to behave decently at school, and stomped into the class on my hands. Like an acrobat! But then in the seventh grade ... Oh, phew ... I forgot again. Well, I'll tell you later when I remember.

Nasty old ladies

When I was little, I was very nasty. I'm still disgusting, but before - just awful.

Here they tell me:

Ksyushenka, go eat!

Pe-pe-pe-pe-pe!

It's embarrassing to even remember.

And then one spring I was walking in the Hermitage Garden and showed everyone my tongue. Two old women in berets passed by and asked me:

Girl, what's your name?

Hooray! - the old woman jumped for joy. - Finally, we found a girl named No way. Here's a letter for you.

And they jumped. The letter read:

“A girl named No way! Scratch your right ear with your left foot, please!”

"Here's another! I thought. - I really need it!"

In the evening, my mother and aunt Liza and I went to Detsky Mir. Mom and Aunt Liza held my hands tightly so that I would not get lost. And suddenly my right ear was itching terribly! I started pulling my hands out. But my mother and aunt Liza only squeezed my hands tighter. Then I tried to scratch my ear with my right foot. But I didn’t reach it ... And I had to contrive and scratch my right ear with my left foot.

And as soon as I did, I immediately grew a big curly mustache. And so do all the other children. IN " Children's world”A terrible screech rose - it was moms and dads who were afraid of their mustachioed children! And rather ran to the doctors and policemen. But the doctors were able to cure the mustachioed children not immediately, but only after a few days.

But the police immediately caught two nasty old women in berets. These old women have been walking around Moscow for a long time and doing all sorts of outrages. Only they were already quite old, and their opposition was not enough for disgrace. Therefore, they looked for nasty boys and girls and misbehaved with their help.

"Wow! I thought. “It turns out that nasty girls become nasty old ladies…?”

I did not want to become such an old woman, and I ceased to be nasty.

Enchanted Snow

When I was little, I loved to eat snow. As soon as a little bit of snow attacks, I immediately go out into the street - and eat, eat, eat ...

Until I get caught and scolded. And no one could wean me from this terribly dangerous habit.

And then one day, when winter came, I immediately ate snow. And he was not simple, but bewitched. And I turned into a cake.

My mother comes home from work, and instead of me in the kitchen there is a cake.

Wow! Cake! Mom rejoiced.

She was only surprised that I was not at home, and then she thought that I had gone to the next entrance to Ninka Akimova. And I couldn’t tell her anything at all - after all, cakes can’t talk! Mom put me in the fridge. I turned not into a simple cake, but into an ice cream cake. Mom waited for me a little, and then she decided to eat a piece of cake. She took me out of the refrigerator, took a sharp knife in her hands ... And then splashes from the cake in different directions! Mom tasted the spray. And they were not sweet at all, but salty, like tears. Mom took a closer look and noticed that red bows were molded on the cream cake - exactly the same as mine in pigtails. It was then that my mother suspected something was wrong. And she quickly called a rescue team of three wizards and two ice cream men. Together they disenchanted me and turned me back into a girl.

Since then, I often have a runny nose - I caught a cold in the refrigerator. And I don’t eat snow anymore, although I sometimes want to.

Is he bewitched again?

Hooligan

When I was little, I loved to ride my bike through the forest. He chimed so well, jumping over snags, I rushed along the brown forest road, hedgehogs and frogs scattered to the sides, and the sky was reflected in deep transparent puddles.

And then one day in the evening I was driving through the forest and met a hooligan.

Hey you, redhead, - said the bully in an ill-mannered voice. - Get off your bike.

The bully's eyes were sad, sad. I knew right away that he had a difficult childhood.

Well, what are you staring at? - asked the bully. - Get down quickly, I have to go to the sea.

Sly! - I said. - I, churn, also want to go to the sea. You're taking me in the trunk.

And we went.

How will we get to the sea? I asked.

Easy, said the bully. “You just have to drive all the time along the river, and someday it will eventually fall into the sea.

We were driving along the bank of a small dark forest river.

Then it will expand, - the bully promised. “Steamboats will start sailing, and we will get to the sea on a passing ship.

At sea for breakfast we will eat only watermelons! - I said.

And for lunch - roach, chewing gum and pickles!

And for dinner - jump loudly and play the guitar!

We drove out into the field. Wind started to blow. I pressed my ear to the bully's back and heard his bully heart beating. It began to get dark. The river did not expand and did not expand, and for some reason the passing ships were not visible. I remembered my mother, Aunt Lisa and the cat Watermelon. How they wait for me, look out the window, and then cry, call the police, the ambulance and the firemen, just in case.

Hey! - I tapped on the bully's back. - Stop, I need to go home.

And what about the sea?

Sometime later, I promised. - Next time.

The bully's eyes grew even sadder.

Oh, you, - he said, - a coward.

And you are a bully!

But I, when I grow up, will not marry you, - said the hooligan got off the bike and left.

The most interesting thing is that this is how it happened! Already the king married me, and the evil sorcerer, and the astronaut, and the fool. A bully - not married! I haven't even seen him since. He must have grown up and has a real beard.

But that's a completely different story.

When I was little, there were many wonderful, unprecedented and wonderful animals in our forests. Read...

This is what is happening in schools now! That's the story, that's the story...

WHEN I WAS LITTLE

When I was little, I was very forgetful. I am still forgetful, but before it was just terrible! .. In the first grade, I forgot to come to school on the first of September, and I had to wait a whole year for the next September first to go straight to the second.

And in the second grade, I forgot my backpack with textbooks and notebooks, and I had to return home. I took a knapsack, but forgot the way to school and remembered it only in the fourth grade. But in the fourth grade, I forgot to comb my hair and came to school completely shaggy. And in the fifth, she mixed up - now it's autumn, winter or summer - and instead of skis she brought flippers to physical education. And in the sixth grade, I forgot that you have to behave decently at school, and stomped into the class on my hands. Like an acrobat! But then in the seventh grade ... Oh, phew ... I forgot again. Well, I'll tell you later when I remember.

VERY SAD STORY

When I was little, one Fedka fell in love with me. He gave me a very beautiful antique porcelain doll, slightly bald, in a lace dress.

But I fell in love with the science teacher. She traded the doll for a guinea pig and gave it to him. And the natural history teacher fell in love with the physical education teacher. He sold a guinea pig at the bird market, bought a hefty weight and gave it to a physical education teacher. And we all got sick with scarlet fever. But it was not from the doll, not from the guinea pig, and not from the kettlebell that we became infected. We got infected from the Hero of the Soviet Union, pilot-cosmonaut Zatykaichenko, who came to our school and greeted all the teachers by the hand, and personally patted each student on the head. Well, I'm lying all the time, because astronauts don't get sick with scarlet fever...

HOW I BECAME A GIRL

When I was little, I was a boy. Well, first as a boy, and then as a girl. This is how it was. As a boy, I was a hooligan and always offended girls. And then one day, when I was pulling the pigtails of two girls at once, a wizard passed by and shook his head. And in the evening I turned into a girl. My mother was surprised and delighted, because she always wanted a daughter. And I began to live as a girl. Oh, and unsweetened was the girl's life! All the time they pulled my pigtails, teased me, put my legs up, poured nasty puddle water from sprinklers. And when I cried or complained, they called me a sneak and a crybaby. Once I shouted to the offending boys:

- Hey! Here you go! They will turn you into girls, then you will know!

The boys were very surprised. And I told them what happened to me. They, of course, were frightened and did not offend the girls anymore. They were only treated to sweets and invited to the circus. I liked this life, and I no longer began to turn back into a boy.

How was my name chosen?

When I was little, I really didn't like my name. Well, where does it fit - Ksyusha? That's just what cats are called. Of course, I wanted to be called something beautiful. Here in our class one girl was called Elvira Cherezabornoguzaderishchenskaya. The teacher's pen even broke while she was writing this girl in a journal. In general, I was terribly offended, I came home and cried:

- Why do I have such a funny and ugly name ?!

“What are you, daughter,” my mother said. - Your name is amazing. After all, as soon as you were born, all our relatives gathered at our house and began to think about what to name you. Uncle Edik said that the name Prepedigna would suit you very well, and grandfather decided that you should simply be called Rocket. But Aunt Vera believed that there was nothing in the world more beautiful than the name Golendukh. Golendukha! After all, that was the name of your fourth cousin great-great-grandmother! She was so beautiful that the king married her. And she made him jam from young fly agarics, so tasty that he overate them to death. And everyone was very happy, because this king was very harmful and evil. I canceled birthdays and fought all the time with just anyone. Horror, not a king! But after him came another king - cheerful and kind. That's what your fourth cousin great-great-grandmother is doing! She was even given a badge: "Excellent in the fight against evil kings"! And then Aunt Vera suggested calling you Golendukha. “What else Golendukha ?!” Aunt Masha shouted and even threw a plate of raspberry jelly at Aunt Vera. The plate hit Aunt Verina's head and made a hole in it. I had to take Aunt Vera to the hospital. And there such a kind and skillful doctor quickly, quickly sewed up a holey head, so that there was no trace left. This kind doctor's name was Ksyusha Igorevna Paramonova. It was in honor of her that we named you Ksyusha.

Since then, I even like my name a little. After all, all sorts of Golenduhi there are even worse!

FAKE TEETH AND CUCKOO CLOCK

When I was little, all sorts of other many other people were also small. For example, my friend Alyosha. We sat at the same desk with him. One day the teacher says to him:

- Well, Alexei, read by heart the poem that I asked for at home.

And he says:

- I didn't learn. I lost my last milk tooth yesterday. And even a runny nose began ...

And the teacher says:

- So what? All my teeth have fallen out, and I go to work.

And how he will take all his teeth out of his mouth at once!

We were so scared! Irka Belikova even started crying. And our teacher's teeth were simply not real. The director entered the classroom. And he was also scared. But he didn't cry. He brought another teacher to us - cheerful and with real teeth that cannot be removed from her mouth. And that teacher was presented with a cuckoo clock and sent to a well-deserved rest - to retire, that is. Long time ago!

NEGATIVE OLD WOMEN

When I was little, I was very nasty. I'm still disgusting, but before - just awful. Here they tell me:

- Ksyushenka, go eat!

- Pe-pe-pe-pe-pe! ..

It's embarrassing to even remember. And then one spring I was walking in the Hermitage garden and showed everyone my tongue. Two old women in berets passed by and asked me:

- Girl, what's your name?

- Hooray! - the old woman jumped for joy. “Finally, we found a girl named No way. Here's a letter for you. - And they jumped. The letter read: “A girl named No way! Scratch your right ear with your left foot, please!”

"Here's another! I thought. - I really need it!"

In the evening, my mother and aunt Liza and I went to Detsky Mir. Mom and Aunt Lisa held my hands tightly so that I would not get lost. And suddenly my right ear was itching terribly! I started pulling my hands out. But my mother and aunt Liza only squeezed my hands tighter. Then I tried to scratch my ear with my right foot. But I didn’t reach it ... And I had to contrive and scratch my right ear with my left foot. And as soon as I did, I immediately grew a big curly mustache. And so do all the other children. In the "Children's World" there was a terrible squeal - it was moms and dads who were afraid of their mustachioed children! And rather ran to the doctors and policemen. But the doctors were able to cure the mustachioed children not immediately, but only after a few days. But the police immediately caught two nasty old women in berets. These old women have been walking around Moscow for a long time and doing all sorts of outrages. Only they were already quite old, and their opposition was not enough for disgrace. Therefore, they looked for nasty boys and girls and misbehaved with their help. "Wow! I thought. “It turns out that nasty girls become nasty old ladies…?”

I did not want to become such an old woman, and I ceased to be nasty.

ENCHANTED SNOW

When I was little, I loved to eat snow. As soon as even a little bit of snow attacks, I immediately go out into the street - and eat, eat, eat ... Until they catch me and scold me.

And no one could wean me from this terribly dangerous habit. And then one day, when winter came, I immediately ate snow. And he was not simple, but bewitched. And I turned into a cake. My mother comes home from work, and instead of me in the kitchen there is a cake.

- Wow! Cake! Mom rejoiced. She was only surprised that I was not at home, and then she thought that I had gone to the next entrance to Ninka Akimova. And I couldn’t tell her anything at all - after all, cakes can’t talk! Mom put me in the fridge. I turned not into a simple cake, but into an ice cream cake. Mom waited for me a little, and then she decided to eat a piece of cake. She took me out of the refrigerator, took a sharp knife in her hands ... And then splashes from the cake in different directions! Mom tasted the spray. And they were not sweet at all, but salty, like tears. Mom took a closer look and noticed that red bows were fashioned on the cream cake - exactly the same as mine in pigtails. It was then that my mother suspected something was wrong. And she quickly called a rescue team of three wizards and two ice cream men. Together they disenchanted me and turned me back into a girl. Since then, I often have a runny nose - I caught a cold in the refrigerator. And I don’t eat snow anymore, although I sometimes want to.

Is he bewitched again?

When I was little, I loved to ride my bike through the forest. He chimed so well, jumping over snags, I rushed along the brown forest road, hedgehogs and frogs scattered to the sides, and the sky was reflected in deep transparent puddles.

And then one day in the evening I was driving through the forest and met a hooligan.

“Hey, redhead,” the bully said in an uneducated voice. - Get off your bike.

The bully's eyes were sad, sad. I knew right away that he had a difficult childhood.

- Well, what are you staring at? the bully asked. - Get off quickly, I have to go to the sea.

- Sly! - I said. - I, mind you, also want to go to the sea. You will take me in the trunk.

And we went.

- How do we get to the sea? I asked.

“Easy,” said the bully. “You just have to drive all the time along the banks of the river, and someday it will eventually fall into the sea.

We drove along the bank of a small dark forest river.

“Then it will expand,” the bully promised. “Steamboats will start sailing, and we will get to the sea on a passing ship.

- At the sea for breakfast, we will eat only watermelons! - I said.

- And for lunch - roach, chewing gum and pickles!

- And for dinner - jump loudly and play the guitar!

We drove out into the field. Wind started to blow. I pressed my ear to the bully's back and heard his bully heart beating. It began to get dark. The river did not expand and did not expand, and for some reason the passing ships were not visible. I remembered my mother, aunt Lisa and the cat Watermelon. How they wait for me, look out the window, and then cry, call the police, ambulance and firefighters, just in case.

- Hey! – I knocked on the hooligan's back. Stop, I need to go home.

- And what about the sea?

“Something later,” I promised. - Next time.

The bully's eyes grew even sadder.

“Oh, you,” he said, “a coward.

- And you are a bully!

“But I won’t marry you when I grow up,” said the hooligan, got off the bike and left.

The most interesting thing is that this is how it happened! Already the king married me, and the evil sorcerer, and the astronaut, and the fool. And the bully didn't get married!!! I haven't even seen him since. He must have grown up and has a real beard.

But that's a completely different story.