What to do if your husband constantly sits at the computer? The husband disappears in the computer world. What to do? Weaknesses and misbehavior

Valeria Protasova

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Many women today are familiar with computer addiction in men. Because of this dependence, relationships collapse, “family boats” fall apart, mutual understanding completely disappears, and the father’s participation in raising children ceases. Computer addiction has long been put by experts on the same level as gambling addiction, as well as alcohol and drug addiction. How can you distract your spouse from the computer and prevent this process of getting used to the virtual world?

• intimate conversation

If your relationship is still at the stage when a man hangs on your every word, and even a day without you is torture, then it will be enough to simply explain to him that in the real world it is much more interesting, and you are not going to compete with the computer. If you are eloquent, your spouse will be inspired, and the bad habit will disappear without ever appearing. At a more mature stage (when the spouses have already become a little tired of each other, and the passions of youth have subsided), an intimate conversation will most likely not bring results - more radical methods are needed.

• Ultimatum - “either the computer or me”

It's tough and ugly, but it can help.

• Copying our husband's behavior

He shrugs off household chores, comes to bed at 2-3 am and immediately falls asleep, in the morning instead of a kiss he sips tea and immediately runs to the computer, doesn’t he take care of the children? Do the same. Of course, continue to feed/cloth/walk the children (they are not to blame for anything), but you can deprive your husband of “sweets”. Mind your personal affairs, completely ignoring both your husband and your household responsibilities. After a week or two, he may get tired of eating sandwiches, wearing dirty shirts and going without sweets. Then the moment will come when you can discuss the problem with him and find a joint solution. However, if the addiction is strong, this option may not work either.

• Wedge with wedge

An option that combines the previous two. The scheme of action is simple - sit down at the computer yourself. Now let him fish you out of the virtual world, demand you return to your family and go crazy with uncertainty (you never know what you’re so busy with there). As soon as it reaches the boiling point, give an ultimatum - “don’t like it? So do I too!” Let him feel himself in your skin.

• We join his “field of activity”

That is, we start playing (on social networks, etc.) with him. We get carried away to such an extent that he gets scared and gives up the computer in favor of real life. This option often works, but there is one drawback - you can become so immersed that you yourself will have to be “treated” for computer addiction.

• Full blocking

There are different ways here. For example, set a password to log into the system or the Internet. If the spouse is not strong in this matter, then the “system glitch” trick will be successful. True, not for long. Sooner or later, the spouse will find out everything or will figure out these “subtleties” himself. The 2nd option is cardinal - turn off the electricity (or simply “accidentally” pull out the wires from the router, etc.). 3rd option (if you have friends who are electricians) is to turn off the lights (Internet) at the very moment when the husband usually sits down at the computer. It seems like you have nothing to do with it, and, at the same time, your husband is free and given to you entirely and completely. Minus: if this happens regularly, the husband will solve this problem quickly - either he will sort it out with electricians or buy a modem.

• Seducing your spouse

Here it is - who has enough imagination for what? Whether it’s a super delicious dinner by candlelight, an erotic dance or a daring seduction right next to the computer – it doesn’t matter. The main thing is that it works.

• Cultural program

Every day, at the same time that your husband uses after work to immerse himself in the virtual world, plan a new interesting event. The spouse is unlikely to be interested in tickets to the theater, but airsoft, billiards, the last row of the cinema, bowling or karting - this might work. Come up with something interesting and exciting every day, and don’t forget to remind your spouse that you really miss him in real life.

• Well, the last thing...

If your husband spends time on the computer for work or reading the news, there is no point in panicking. It’s better to learn how to occupy your time in such a way that you are not offended by your spouse’s lack of attention. That is, to become self-sufficient.
If the husband’s addiction is gaming, and not only have the children forgotten what a normal dad looks like, but they haven’t seen their spouse at work for 2-3 months, then it’s time for a serious conversation and drastic changes in the family.

In the era of technological progress, people began to lead a different way of life. If people of past centuries tried to spend their free time in the family or at leisure, then the modern generation of young couples can no longer imagine their lives without the Internet. Gaming addiction is becoming common among the stronger sex. A woman is faced with the problem of being unable to tear a man away from the monitor...

Why do women care about this issue? Involvement in gaming hobbies leads to minimization of relations between spouses. If we are talking about a married couple, then various problems arise:

• Father's failure to allocate time to his children.
• The husband's loss of sexual interest in his wife.
• Constant employment, which a man refers to when justifying his idleness.
• Lack of help around the house.
• Lack of any mental contact with his wife.

In other words, a man who sits constantly at the computer simply does not devote his attention and time to his family and loved ones. This leads to distance between spouses, which can lead to divorce. Is this the result a woman wants to achieve? She understands that divorce is inevitable if her husband is not distracted from the monitor and not interested in real life.

Why do psychologists care about this issue? Everything that becomes commonplace in people's lives is of interest to specialists. Especially if the situation becomes a problem that leads to the destruction of individuals and the decline of the family institution.

Psychologists are engaged in finding ways to solve the problem when a man is overly addicted to computer games, because society needs it. There are all the prerequisites for the development of gaming (computer) addiction. This means there must be ways to help solve the problem.

Why doesn’t the issue at hand concern men themselves? Perhaps everything is obvious here: the man does not solve the problem because he does not see anything terrible in the situation that has arisen. He is comfortable, cozy. He doesn't face any major problems. Games and entertainment on the computer bring him many positive and satisfying emotions. Why should he give up what makes him happy?

If the husband sits at the computer all the time, then it becomes a family problem. If you don't solve it, then the situation will only get worse and the relationship will break down. The wife may end up leaving her husband. Children may soon distance themselves from their father, not considering him an authority figure. When the man returns to his real world, he may notice that he has nothing left.

As with any addiction, a person does not solve the problem by its presence, but only aggravates it. Since the husband, by his behavior, alienates the woman from himself, all the problems and misunderstandings, because of which he went into the virtual world, will intensify even more. Having looked a little at his unhappy real life, the man will go even deeper into virtual addiction, which turns the mechanism into a vicious circle.

Causes of gambling addiction

As with any addiction, in order to eliminate it, you need to find out the reasons for its occurrence. Solving a problem is eliminating the causes. Constantly sitting in front of a monitor is a consequence that should not be dealt with, since this process is useless. Many women have already tried to rid their husbands of gambling addiction through reproaches and dissatisfaction. However, this did not bring results, since the war was fought with the investigation.

As long as there is a reason, the husband will not be able to tear himself away from the computer. Therefore, psychologists put forward common assumptions about why a man becomes addicted to the Internet:

• Lack of attention and understanding on the part of a woman towards a man. The stronger sex also needs a certain set of emotions that it must experience in a relationship with a woman. If he does not receive something, then he begins to unconsciously compensate for what is missing on the side.

For example, if a husband is not satisfied with sex with his wife, then he can go left. In the issue under consideration, a man can get “stuck” on dating sites and social networks, where he has the opportunity to meet and communicate with other women.

The transition to the virtual world may indicate that the man is missing something in the relationship. Most often, this is due to the woman herself, who suppresses, does not respect, does not love, and does not show other feelings towards her husband.

• Addiction. A man may simply be addicted. This is typical for people with a certain mentality. We are talking about a man’s inability to give up his addictions on his own. Moreover, he may not even feel the need to get rid of his addiction. Until the critical moment comes, when a man feels discomfort, spending all his time at the computer, he will not be able to come to the conclusion that it is necessary to solve the problem.
• Social unfulfillment. A common reason for addiction to computer entertainment is a man’s social unfulfillment in real life. In the real world, he is not successful, respected, or revered by society, so he resorts to surrogates who give him everything he wants.

In this case, a man is often addicted to Internet games, where he can express himself. The plot of the game will depend on what exactly the man is not realized in. For example, if he earns little or does not work at all, then he can play business games where he is a successful businessman.

If a man in real life cannot show his strength, then he can resort to combat games, for example, fighting games, where you need to defeat someone. Freedom-loving men, tired of family “shackles,” can get carried away by strategic games, where they can set their own rules, live by their own laws, develop, etc.

Games have different directions. By their character, you can determine what a man lacks. If a man simply wants to actively participate in social life or is interested in various sports that he does not engage in, then he can devote a lot of time to reading news, articles and watching videos on topics of interest.

• Sexual unfulfillment. The problem here is the lack of sex between spouses, its diversity, or the woman’s suppression of her husband.

In this case, the man goes to Internet resources, where he can be macho. These are dating sites, social networks, porn sites, etc. A man is not interested in a woman because she does not care about his interests, which leads to constant sitting at the computer, where a man can afford everything.

The husband spends all his time at the computer, because his real life is devoid of something important and valuable to him. He does not solve the problem in reality, but goes into the virtual world, where everything happens much faster and easier.

This process is further reinforced by the fact that a man can remain anonymous. No one will punish or be able to condemn him for the dirty tricks that he allows himself. In the real world, he would not allow himself to insult other users or commit immoral acts, since he would be immediately punished. In the virtual world, everything is possible, which is what attracts you!

Consequences of your husband constantly sitting at the computer

Every action has its consequence. The man and woman should become familiar with the future that awaits them if they do not solve the problem of their husband constantly sitting at the computer.

A man's life will change significantly:

• He will consider being in front of a monitor to be his only form of relaxation, while relaxing in nature or going to the theater will no longer interest him.
• The only way to eat will be right in front of the monitor. A family dinner at a common table will no longer be attractive.
• Excess weight, unkempt appearance, sagging belly and other body imperfections will appear. Since a man moves little and does not consider it necessary to take care of himself, because this becomes unimportant for sitting in front of a computer, he loses his visual appeal and does not even maintain hygiene.
• Chronic sleep deprivation is the result of a man not sleeping at all at night or going to bed late.
• Contacts with friends, family and society as a whole are lost. As a result, social skills disappear.

A man may not think about solving the problem until discomfort appears in the body due to constant sitting or a chronic disease develops. A person is in one position almost all the time. This leads to pain, aches, and headaches.

There is no need to talk about social and career fulfillment. While a man is an Internet addict, he is not able to achieve success in life.

My husband sits at the computer all the time - what should I do?

It is quite difficult to free your husband from sitting at the computer all the time on your own. What to do in such a situation? Make every effort possible. There are two things you shouldn't do:

1. Criticize and reproach your husband. Unfortunately, this approach won't work. If the husband somehow shows his conscience the first time and listens to his wife, then later he will become completely “protected” from such attacks. The wife will achieve nothing with her criticism.
2. Let everything take its course. The situation will not resolve on its own. If you allow your husband to surf the Internet, the problem will only get worse. The man himself will not give up his pleasure.

Psychologists advise a wife who is struggling for the health of her husband and their relationship to resort to the following advice:

• Contact a psychologist. Each situation develops individually. Only a psychologist can identify the cause of a husband’s Internet addiction and find ways to solve the situation.
• Eliminate the cause. If a woman knows why her husband is addicted to the virtual world, then the situation in the real world should be changed so that the man can be interested in the opportunity to realize himself outside the computer. If there are problems in the relationship between spouses, then you should change your behavior. If there are problems with work, then you should help the man find a convenient option for himself. Eliminating the cause will bring the husband back to reality.
• Do something unpredictable. For example, breaking a computer. In this case, a woman may be considered abnormal. But how will a man surf the Internet now if the computer is broken?

Bottom line

A woman cannot always help a man, which should also be remembered. No matter how much you love and want to save your family, sometimes divorce is inevitable. If an adult man does not give in and does not make an effort to get rid of his addiction, then perhaps he should be left alone. The outcome may be unpredictable. Perhaps the departure of his wife and children will force the man to come to his senses and return to the family again?

Modern young People They cannot imagine life without a computer; the Internet has become the meaning of life for them. Therefore, in many families, dependence on the World Wide Web becomes so serious that communication between spouses is reduced to a minimum set of words, and the relationship between them becomes worse and worse. Mostly men become hostages of the Internet; they lose touch with reality and spend all their free time on the computer. How can you help your loved one get rid of this bad habit and prevent him from being alienated from the family?

Get rid of any harmful habits are impossible without excluding the reasons that contributed to their emergence. Internet addiction has the same mechanisms of occurrence as gambling addiction, alcoholism and drug addiction. In all three cases, a person wants to forget the problems of real life and go into a carefree virtual world. The reasons for this departure from reality may be the following:

1. The man is missing understanding and respect in the family, he seeks them from strangers. In this case, the man most often visits social networks and dating sites; he thus wants to increase his self-esteem. This behavior of the husband indicates the presence of an intimate problem in the family; perhaps the wife suppresses her husband or does not pay enough attention to sexual intimacy.

2. The man is suffering from gambling addiction. Passion for passion is characteristic of people with certain mental characteristics. They cannot find the strength within themselves to refuse to satisfy their passions and are looking for any ways to justify their “childish” hobby.

3. The man wishes keep abreast of all the news, participate in various projects and find ways to solve your financial problems.
4. The man strives realize your sexual fantasies and satisfy secret desires by visiting porn sites.
Main factor What attracts people's attention to communication on the Internet is anonymity, which makes it possible to freely express any thoughts and desires.

Internet dependent a man goes to bed late or may not sleep at all at night. He does not like to sit at the kitchen table with others and prefers to eat directly in front of the computer screen. Joint family trips to the theater, cinema and nature do not interest him; he prefers to “relax” at the computer. He also doesn’t have enough time to look after his appearance and clothes, so Internet addicted men are usually unkemptly dressed, and their hairstyle leaves much to be desired.

Excess weight and bulging forward, a round belly in men is most often the result of sitting for a long time at the computer and lack of physical activity. Unfortunately, the man himself does not notice that he has problems until Internet addiction begins to manifest itself in the form of headaches, discomfort in the lumbar region, back and neck. The more a man goes into the virtual world, the more he distances himself from the reality around him. Friends, relatives and members of his family interest him less and less.

Career height and he doesn’t care about success at work either. He reacts with irritation to any attempts by his wife or relatives to limit his access to the computer, accusing them of not wanting to give him a rest. A man addicted to the Internet, just like an alcoholic, cannot exist without a computer. He needs to constantly monitor his presence on social networks, check his email, participate in games and communicate.

Special danger represents addiction to visiting porn sites, such a man loses interest in his wife and the real intimate life of the spouses ceases to exist. You can recognize a man’s passion for porn sites by his behavior. He tries to go online when his wife is not around, mainly when she is already asleep. In addition, a man, wanting to hide his hobby, takes measures to prevent anyone from accessing his computer - he sets a password and all kinds of security programs. He reacts sharply to all the actions of his wife, who makes an attempt to identify the facts of his communication with other women.

Many women they do not take any measures to help my husband recover from Internet addiction. “It’s better for him to sit at the computer and try to use ICQ than to cheat in real life,” they believe. In fact, such an attitude towards a loved one should not exist. If your husband disappears on the Internet, this indicates serious problems in your relationship. It is better to detect these problems in time and try to change the relationship for the better than to discover a few years later that the husband stopped sitting at the computer and began dating someone whom he affectionately called “sunshine” while communicating on the Internet and sent friendly greeting cards.

“My husband has a mistress. He is always with her: he starts the morning with her, in the evening with her, he buys her gifts.” And it would seem that everything is clear! But no, « mistress” is an iron colossus called a computer. But it’s not clear how to get rid of it in your family life. After all, you accepted it voluntarily...

Many people have encountered this problem. And those who have just recently put a wedding ring on their finger. And those who just live together. And those who have been married for years.

It would seem: love, intimacy... But after hundreds of films watched together, thousands of kilometers traveled often in the evenings there is nothing to do together. And everyone goes into themselves.

You are into drawing, cooking, talking with friends. And he goes to tanks, forums, social networks, auto sites, and so on. But sometimes you come back, but he doesn’t. Why?

When solving the problem, we will proceed from the reason why the husband and the computer have become an inextricable tandem.

Reason No. 1. He likes it better there

A person always strives to go where he feels love, where he feels good. And, unfortunately, sometimes blaming your husband for constantly sitting at the computer is simply pointless.

Forbid it, insist - he might stop. What's the point? You won't stop wanting it. Without you or at any other opportunity, he will go there again.

So, with you and in the family he's not interested.

He is not appreciated, he is not needed, he is not given the opportunity to prove himself - there are a lot of reasons. A ban simply cannot solve the issue; the cause must be eliminated.

• Identify the cause of boredom and withdrawal men. They say that a man comes home to rest and relax. If your husband prefers to be on the computer all the time, it means you are “heavy” for him: push, nag, always irritated, look bad, talk only about children, do not pay attention to the relationship with him as with a man, etc. The reasons are the sea.
• At least as an experiment suddenly change one behavior pattern to another. For example, if, upon returning home, you immediately rush to resolve issues and ask when he will hang the cornice and paint the door, then now remain silent, feed him, listen. In other words, find a field to change.
• Watch: After what events in your life does your husband play on the computer? After he talks to you? After solving some issue? In a word, establish a connection, It will be easier to decide later.
• Remember when THIS started. This approach can also help you.
• You can’t tear your husband away from the computer, he can only tear himself away. Ask what he is missing. This doesn't mean you're the only one who has to change. initiate a conversation, maybe he is waiting for him too.

Reason #2: You're exaggerating

It happens that women sound the alarm, when the husband moves away a little, believing that happy couples are like lovebirds - they should always be together, always, always. Male psychology says the opposite: sometimes a man needs to move away, feel free, spread his wings a little and then come back to you. And no one canceled personal space.

• Think, maybe everything is not so scary? Assess the situation soberly: maybe your husband is not always at the computer, but you simply have nothing to do?
• If the first point is your option, then time to become more self-sufficient, find something you like, realize yourself in something.

Reason No. 3. Costs of the profession

If your husband’s work also takes place on the computer at home, then this may be simple inability to break away. He was used to spending time with a screen and, having turned on the game for 5 minutes, hung there for a day - not surprising.

Everything you need is simple forcefully tear it away for something more pleasant. Now we offer you the methods of other women: funny, creative and ordinary.

From life: unusual and funny ways to wean your husband off the computer

• I turned off the home computer (we have a desktop one) from the outlet, and hung a note “I’m better;)” on it. It worked! Marinka
• I changed his desktop wallpaper and put a candid photo of myself. It worked sometimes, especially at the beginning, but then it stopped. Redhead
• I write to him on social networks or Skype from the kitchen about various things. He responds, comes, and then it depends on the situation. Tricky
• I put funny notes on his monitor with different offers: from explicit poses and places to confessions. After that he wants to be with me. Marie
• I started playing his games with him. Now we are there together, and then we go to sleep or go for a walk together. Vika
• I sat on auto sites and asked him to tell me what was interesting there, what he was doing there. Now I regularly listen to what new products are out there, who has the best engine, and who is just a “show-off weirdo.” Christie
• I found my hang-up. It turned out to be easy for me to wean my husband off the computer - I showed him from the outside. Check mark
• When he goes to the computer, I go to the kitchen to create something, silently letting go of the whole situation. Either the smells are working, or realizing that I don’t expect anything from him, he comes and asks: “What smells delicious here?” Marietta

If you managed to separate the “husband and computer” couple, it is important not to lose the moment and start introduce new family traditions and entertainment. We have already written about the methods: read, choose.

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Nowadays, a husband sitting at the computer for hours on end is a widespread problem. Look, he seems to be an accomplished adult man, but he’s ready to spend all his time playing some meaningless shooters and adventure games. We women, looking at this, are often disappointed in our choice. But don’t panic ahead of time, because all this can be fixed. There are several cases here that we will talk about in this article. Perhaps you will find yours among them.

Case No. 1. Perhaps you, like a draft horse, are pulling the whole house on yourself, and it is not particularly burdened with problems. What for? After all, your loved one knows that you can handle everything yourself. But he’s bored, so he needs to do something with his time?

Case No. 2. He doesn’t know what to do in his free time besides the computer. He may be spending more time with him than with you because he doesn't know what to do with you. He plays with the children for an hour and his duty is done. He will ask you how your day went - your duties have been completed.

Case No. 3. This case is the most unpleasant. It is possible that you and your husband simply do not have common interests and he is more interested in the computer than with you. At the same time, being a well-mannered and tactful person, he cannot afford to tell you about this.

These were the most common cases. Of course, in personal life there are many more such reasons. In this article we will talk specifically about these 3 reasons. By the way, if you remember, we have already talked about what it really is. Today is a kind of continuation of this topic. Let's start with the fact that you will not achieve anything by screaming and hysterics about the fact that you are receiving less attention than you should. You will only burn your nerve cells and make the situation worse. Screaming generally doesn’t help much in difficult situations. Moreover, scientists and psychologists have long proven that people will listen to you much more if you speak a little quieter and calmer than usual. Try it and you will be pleasantly surprised. Now about each case separately.

Case No. 1. Look at yourself in the mirror - do you really look like a horse? You are a beautiful and very sweet creature! Do not forget that in the eyes of your husband you should always be weaker and “stupid” than him, regardless of the true state of affairs. Show him that this is difficult for you: home, children, work (even if this is not the case). Let him shoulder a little of it - it’s good for him. But there is one “but” - to show, this does not mean to stand, cross your arms and say: “Well, I’m weak, I can’t cope - help me.” Just start getting tired more and taking care of yourself less, but a man is pleased when a fresh, well-groomed woman is nearby. In a word, use your feminine ingenuity to inadvertently push your husband to make the right choice between the computer and his family!

Case No. 2. Everything is much simpler here. You need to show that everyone can have fun together. If your husband doesn’t want to go for a walk with you and your child, try to insist on his own, but without making a scandal or getting offended. Because if he agrees “as long as you don’t sulk”, he will not be interested in you under any circumstances. Assuming you have achieved your goal, then you should show how great it is to spend time with your family. Invite your friends, let the communication be rich and of high quality. You need to develop a reflex in him, a “Pavlov’s dog” if you will: you coax him three times, and on the fourth he will run on his own. This is also a very effective way to distract your spouse from the hated computer.

Case No. 3. Use the so-called “by contradiction” principle. Try to share his hobbies with him, stepping over your ego. Let's say, if he loves football - cheer with him, loves fishing - study this hobby, and you can talk about it with him and go fishing with the whole family. In any case, it’s up to you to make the effort! And even if this is not at all interesting to you, it is still better than the previous option. Moreover, this will help him reveal a completely different side in your eyes; you will be able to recognize him not only as a breadwinner and husband, but also as an interesting interlocutor.