Pregnant mistress of a married man. Pregnant by a married man! Flew from a married man

Probably this topic is romance and pregnancy from married man may seem very painful to many. Yes, at a time when other women simply glow with happiness in anticipation of a child and listen to his every movement, a woman who is pregnant by a married man has to solve completely different problems.

Romance with a married man

This is not to say that such stories are atypical and rare in our time. First you get to know each other, then you start dating, for example, in a rented apartment, then you find out very quickly that he is married. But you probably just don't want to think about it anymore. As a rule, the template of such stories is the same.

There, of course, is a bad and quarrelsome wife who cannot be left because of children or because she suffers from an incurable disease. Here - complete harmony of relations and incredible kinship of souls. Everything can go great even for several years, until one day you tell him about your pregnancy. And it’s good if you were told from the very beginning that you don’t want anything like this - in this case you will have to blame only yourself.

The trouble is that sometimes a man could, and vice versa, assure you that he simply dreams of reuniting with you and that you give birth to his child. But, nevertheless, in most cases, it still disappears in English.

Dear women, agreeing to an affair with a married man, you should know what exactly you are going for. None of them wants to have a second family on the side and is unlikely to give up those children that he already has for you. And if he wants to leave the family, he will do it without waiting for you to become pregnant. And if you haven’t done this yet, then all the more, it’s stupid to hope that something will change now.

Pregnant from a married man, what to do?

The maximum that a woman who is pregnant by a married man can hope for is that she will be offered money to have an abortion or, if the man has the means, she will be allocated some amount to support the child. And you can consider even in this case that you are lucky. But you didn't expect that, did you?

When you decide to have a child, and it doesn’t even matter if you are married or not, you must be clearly aware that this is only your decision and the responsibility for it lies entirely with you. In reality, at first, a man has practically no paternal instinct, and what a child is, he still has a very vague idea. In addition, a pregnant woman, who until recently was a wife's friend and lover all rolled into one, suddenly turns into a mother and begins to be perceived as such. A child, even a future one, and then a real one, begins to take too much of her time, and the man realizes that now he is no longer a priority for his wife. At such moments, out of jealousy for the child, he begins to look for a mistress who would love only him. And when she also decides to get pregnant, she loses all value in the eyes of this man.

Why are you pregnant by a married lover?

In fairness, it must be said that not all women who decide to get pregnant from a married man do so in order to somehow manipulate him. Sometimes they really just use their lover to have a baby. For myself. Well - simply because it happened and there was no one else.

Perhaps, having made such a decision, you will really tell yourself that you are pregnant from a married man, he has a family in which he should live. And disappear from his life. Only in this case, you need to understand that even your random meetings are no longer needed by anyone. And the only question that you need to think about in advance is what exactly will you answer the child later if he asks about his father.

Good afternoon I am writing to you because I want to tell my story and understand how to behave in my situation. We met him at work. Worked in different departments. At first they just looked at each other, then after a corporate party they began to communicate by phone, by internal working connection . I knew that he was married and had two children. Never called him first, never texted him. Just reciprocated. Neither he nor I had such passion and love. For 1.5 years of our communication, he did a lot for me: he drove around abroad, took care of my son, furnished an apartment, met my parents with the words that their daughter was in good hands. But the most shocking thing was that he made plans for our future, told how he wants a common child (we even passed a preliminary examination), that I was his future. And he really believed it! He discussed our relationship with friends, looking for support in them (we must give them their due, they said that they should stay in the family). He went to fortune-tellers, seeking consolation there. Fortune tellers said that he had no closeness with his wife, and that their paths would part (even if it was not me). He was tormented that he had children there and he had no idea how he could live far from them. The feeling of guilt made him spend a lot of time with the children, he fed them, took them to different circles, walked. He didn’t say anything bad about his wife, except that they didn’t have mutual understanding (but where could he come from when I appeared in their life), there was never warmth, there were never hugs, like we have. At the same time, he said that he was very competent, good. He does his own washing and ironing. And so it happened. I am pregnant. For a month he walked like a wreck. I asked him to make a decision, because. I can't see him like this. What if he says to have an abortion, I will do it, no matter how painful it would be for me. After the ultrasound, which showed 7 weeks of pregnancy, I simply did not let go of the conversation. He said he was not ready to destroy the galaxy that he built there. That even the matter is not so much in the wife as in the environment. I asked to leave the keys to my apartment in the table. He began to write SMS so that I would not tear the thread that would bind us, that I was already a part of his life forever, that he would take care of us. I went to my parents. After that, she finally decided to leave the child. They said that it was not necessary to take him away from the family, that if he left, then, probably, they would be disappointed in him. Our relationship has become very strained. He no longer said that he loved me, there was not that tenderness that our relationship was simply saturated with. I didn't ask questions and behaved just like him. 2 weeks later he sends me a letter. The essence of the letter was that everything must be stopped before it is too late. That it will make everyone miserable. That he cannot leave the family and never will, because. has no right to destroy the fate of people close to him. What if I leave the baby, then he will not be happy either, because. will live far from him. That I will be alone, it will be painful and hard for me, but he will not be there. That I am young, beautiful, smart and will build my life with an unmarried man. I received this letter early in the morning when I arrived at work. In order not to get emotional, I silently got up and left (now we are already working in another company and he is my immediate supervisor). In the evening, I sent him an SMS, which they refused to do to me, because. the term is already decent (in fact, I didn’t go anywhere). After a day of silence, he comes to my house, sits at my feet. I knew why he had come, but I practically didn’t give him a word. I spoke with tears myself. Said it was my decision, that I didn't need it. I know that I am alone here, that I don’t have anyone, that it will be hard for me, but I won’t be able to kill the fetus (not the embryo). I sat almost silently kissing my hands. He left not salty slurping. I did not show any initiative in communicating with him. He approached me at work and talked to me about work issues, about my family. I read books that there was no need to reproach, that we should let go, that it was good and we should remember this, that this is the time for spiritual development ... But he began to communicate with me, as if I had offended him with something. One morning I wrote a letter saying I was grateful for everything he had done for me. That I accept his choice and internally let him go. He kept saying that we would go crazy. I also forgot to point out the fact that we live in neighboring houses. He constantly observes the presence of my car, or its absence. I tried to occupy myself with something, I left for the weekend. He began to write SMS that he wants to see me. I replied that when they leave they leave. On one of the joint business trips, when we were given a tour of the workshop, I managed to lose consciousness. Naturally, he looked like a savior. Then he came to my house with groceries. Sex happened. But not the same as always. More animal, silent. I did not stay long, I went home. This is what our relationship is now fixed. No more tenderness, no more words of love. But his presence in my life is. I can't figure out what to do, how to behave properly. Soon the belly will start to appear. At work, they will immediately understand who the father of the child is. Help?

Hello! We have been dating a man for 6.5 years, we used to be lovers and everything suited everyone in principle. I did not claim him as a husband. I am 24 now. He is 40, he and his wife have no children. And in Last year everything has changed, our relationship has become different, the patient is warm, tender, and we often began to talk about children and actually stopped using protection, and now half a year ago I got pregnant, we are both happy about it, but he really doesn’t fully realize it seems to me that soon we will have a baby. He fully provides for me, we are going to buy an apartment for the child. And actually I understand that I love this person as much as I have never loved anyone. And I want to create a full-fledged family with him. We haven't talked to him about it yet. I don't know if it's worth it? Does it make sense? Will he leave his wife for us? Please tell me? To complete the picture, I’ll say that we see each other almost every day, we spend weekends together, we go to the cinema, restaurants, we walk with the dog, but he rarely stays very much at night.

Psychologists Answers

Hello Oksana!

You are pregnant and now is the time to talk to your man about your future. If you want to create a full-fledged family with him. then tell him about it and find out what he wants. Perhaps your goals do not coincide, and he needs you as a mistress and mother of his child. but not the wife. Such a perennial love triangle says that he receives something important for himself with you, and something - in a relationship with his wife. but none of you give him everything he needs. Only by frankly telling each other about your goals and desires, you can decide together what to do next, if you want to do this, of course, it was necessary even before pregnancy.

You yourself should think about why you chose a man much older than yourself and agreed to be his mistress for so many years. without pretending to be the only one. Most likely, this is a projection of your relationship with your father. It seems that next to this man, psychologically, you remain a little girl who receives the love and care that dad did not give you. Maybe this is what prevents your man from making the final decision to start a family with you.

If you need help, come to an individual consultation.

Stolyarova Marina Valentinovna, psychologist-consultant, St. Petersburg

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Dear Oksana.

No one can say for sure what will happen, but the future worries us, especially when life is preparing such strong changes.

I do not want to encourage or upset you, but it is important to understand why you are not ready to raise with your loved one the issue that is so important to you, especially now.

I think it's better to discuss face to face, look into frightening fears and more clearly define your desires. Let's meet in consultation mode. you may need several meetings, perhaps one or two will be enough.
Call, contact, I will be happy to talk to you about this and investigate your situation. Now peace is more important to you than anxiety and uncertainty of the future.

I wish you love and happiness.

Biryukova Anastasia Evgenievna, psychologist in St. Petersburg

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Oksana, hello.

You are asking:

And I want to create a full-fledged family with him. We haven't talked to him about it yet. I don't know if it's worth it? Does it make sense? Will he leave his wife for us? Please tell me?

Oksana, I suspect that your main fear is that he will not leave his wife and will not marry you.

Especially since

but he really is not fully aware yet, it seems to me that we will soon have a baby.

What does this mean?

Oksana, you are at that point in life when it's time to grow up dramatically. You will have to make decisions not only for yourself, but also for your already existing child.

A love triangle is formed where and when there is emotional immaturity, codependency of the participants. And each of them.

Oksana, in order to understand whether it makes sense to fight for a future husband (and you will have to do exactly this if you decide to marry this particular man), honestly answer a few questions for yourself. What exactly drives you? How do you really feel about this man? You a big difference aged and he fully provides for you. Such relationships are built on the type of "father-daughter". He gives care and material benefits, and the woman pays for them by the absence of any kind of independence. Although such marriages are happy. And, in principle, there is a chance that a man will go to live with a pregnant mistress, especially since he has no children with his wife.

Why did you choose to be his mistress for 6.5 years? And did not want to become a wife? Why does your 6.5 year old man have a relationship with both his wife and a young girl?

And it is also useful to think about how to learn how to provide for yourself and your child. And how to build relationships if dad claims the exclusive upbringing of the baby (especially since he is childless in marriage). In general, I urge you not only to succumb to the romance of gentle walks with the dog on weekends, but to think sensibly about how to live if you get married and how to live if you break up and are left alone with the baby.

What I am writing sounds cruel, but you are now responsible for more than just yourself and your well-being.

Oksana, in any case, you have an emotionally rich stage of life ahead of you. And not very predictable prospects. If you need it, please contact me, I can both emotionally support you and help you figure out what is happening and how to deal with it.

Strength to you, female wisdom and sobriety of decisions. And also great luck.

Sincerely, your psychologist Irina Rozanova, St. Petersburg

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Relationship with a married man- it's always difficult. You can’t be sure of anything for sure, you have to hide your relationship from everyone, and you can’t meet your loved one more than a few times a week. You rarely talk about the future, he tries to avoid this topic, and you are afraid to touch it once again, so as not to hear a terrible answer.

And even if you are close not only physically, but also spiritually, you cannot feel like a full-fledged family, and therefore do not even think about having children. Unfortunately, despite the use of contraceptives, the risk of becoming pregnant always exists. What to do if you suddenly have a rather long delay, and the test shows a positive result?

Pregnant by a married man

There are several ways out of this situation, which, first of all, depend on the man.

1. If your lover truly appreciates and cherishes you, he, of course, will be delighted with the pregnancy, and it will give impetus to the long-awaited divorce and legalization of your relationship. It is likely that your man will become an excellent father for the baby, and you will forever forget about the former status of a mistress. This is the most rosy option that everyone hopes for.
2. Perhaps your man will be delighted with the birth of a baby, will help him financially, spend some of his free time with you, but will not leave the family. That is, you will remain a mistress, but already with a child.
3. And the third, most unpleasant option: a married man will demand an abortion or simply delete you from his life, forgetting about all the bright moments that you experienced together.

Unfortunately, the true feelings and character of any man are manifested in non-standard stressful situations, so it is impossible to predict his reaction to pregnancy in advance.

Child by a married man

In any case, no matter how your man does, the child is not to blame that the contraceptives did not work, and therefore he deserves to receive a joyful happy life whether with or without a father. Here is the sequel.

Therefore, if a lover has made it clear that he is not going to divorce his wife and become a full-fledged father for your baby, it is better to immediately break off all relations with him. You need to learn how to cope on your own, perhaps asking for help from parents and friends.

In this case, you will be able to meet a real man, a true representative of the strong half of humanity, who will sincerely love you and your child and become a worthy father for your baby.

A stepfather can also become good father, educate, teach everything that he knows himself. But do not forget that for any person your children will be much closer and more related to the adoptive ones, so you should not expect pedagogical feats from your new man.

Pregnancy and childbirth- this is one of the most important stages in the life of every woman, and you should not lose the opportunity to give life to a part of yourself. The child will become your pride, give support and support in old age, which is why you must provide him with a decent childhood, which he will then remember with joy.

Hello dear ladies! Recently, one of my clients asked me what to do if I am pregnant by a married man. I thought that the topic is quite complex and relevant. Therefore, today I would like to talk about this. Relations with a man who is married can develop according to different scenarios. Not all of them will end well for you. What you need to be prepared for, what kind of reaction a man can have to your pregnancy and much more.

Relationship with a married man

It also happens in our life that a girl meets a man and falls in love, and he already has a family. Such stories are not uncommon today. And it is only your choice to continue such a relationship or not.

It seems to me that a mistress will always experience an inner fear that her faithful will go back to his wife. After all, when a man has already left his wife once, he can also leave you in the future. Don't forget about it.

Of course, it also happens that a man falls in love and leaves the family in order to build new, more harmonious, healthy and strong relationships. I have several examples when a girl took her husband away from another and they still live happily together and raise children together.

More often the husband goes to the left when he is wealthy. After all, the second woman means more expenses, payment for the hotel, expensive gifts And so on. You could fall for the charm of not only the man himself, but also his fat wallet. Take off your rose-colored glasses. Rich men are very painful to part with their money in the event of a divorce. Therefore, it is likely that he will never leave his wife, just to save his fortune.

I do not condemn, but I do not encourage relationships with people who are married. Life is complicated. Here it is impossible to give an assessment on only one criterion. All components are important. The relationship between husband and wife, his weaknesses, your strengths and much more.

His reaction

Men can react very differently to your pregnancy news. What should you be prepared for?
It is possible that the gentleman will give an aggressive reaction. He could simply count on an easy and irresponsible relationship with you. If he was not looking for anything serious, but just having fun, then the news about the child, of course, will not please him. It can even come to a threat. And you need to be ready for this.
If you received such a reaction, then simply say that you do not need his presence in your life, you do not require him to be included in educational process, you will not expect financial support from him. Tell him that he can safely walk in all four directions. This is hard and painful, especially if you were counting on a different outcome. But that might happen too.

There is a completely different story when he himself asks to leave the child. Then there are many things you need to discuss here. Will he leave the family, will you create your own happy unit of society, or does he just want to take part in the upbringing, but he will not leave his wife. Perhaps he will be ready to provide you with all kinds of assistance, both financial and moral.

Wise people always play out two scenarios in their heads. The best outcome and the most catastrophic. That is why you need to think in your head what you will do in case of his negative and positive reaction.

Give birth for yourself

In any case, I advise you to think about giving birth for yourself. In our country great amount single mothers who excel in motherhood. Especially if you want to give birth.
If you love a man, then the child from him will be the most beloved, the most long-awaited. Then a little man will appear in your life, closer and dearer to whom you will no longer have. Children are the flowers of life, and this should not be forgotten.

Even if you are confident in him, in your gentleman, do not build castles in the air. It is best to always rely only on yourself. Proceed from your strengths and capabilities. If the father of the child will help, then great. If not, it's okay, I'm sure that you yourself will cope in the best way.

Give all your love to the little man who truly deserves it. Direct all your strength and efforts to grow up a worthy, honest, smart and intelligent person.

I am sure that you will be happy regardless of the reaction of the father of the child. Remember that you are a strong and confident woman. You can definitely handle everything. I hope my article helped you understand the situation a little.

Good luck to you and your baby!