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How to part with your loved one without offending too much. What to wish another person when breaking up with him

Before a person manages to find a soul mate, build strong, long-term relationships with the prospect of their transformation into a marriage, he sometimes has to experience more than one failure. Sometimes it becomes necessary to end a current relationship. There are many reasons for this, but in each case the question arises as to how best to do this. Let's try to find a solution to this delicate problem.

Which depends on the reason

Breaking up with your boyfriend can be good or bad. Of course, many would prefer to part on good terms, but this is not always possible. The conditions for separation largely depend on the emotional state of the girl and what caused the breakup. Let's consider several possible options for such situations:

The girl wants to end the relationship because her feelings have cooled down and she is tired of the guy. She has no direct complaints or grievances towards this young man, but the relationship has lost its meaning.
The guy's behavior forces the girl to decide to break up. He causes her suffering, offends her, neglects her. She still has feelings for him, but she can no longer tolerate this attitude.
The girl fell in love with another person. She treats her boyfriend well, but is unable to cope with new feelings. Her boyfriend treats her wonderfully, she has no complaints against him, but the relationship cannot continue.
The relationship between a guy and a girl is outwardly quite prosperous. He is attentive and gentle towards the girl, she reciprocates his feelings. However, the girl suddenly finds out that the guy cheated on her. She is unable to come to terms with betrayal and cannot forgive him.
The girl is forced to end the relationship by circumstances. For example, she faces a move or other obstacles that are incompatible with her current relationship. She needs to tell the guy that they are about to break up.

In each of the listed situations, the girl’s emotional state will have significant differences. Of course, this will also affect the separation process. In addition, other circumstances are not least important, including:

girl's character traits;
the personality of the young man;
the degree of emotional and other dependence between them;
duration of relationship, etc.

Depending on the situation, a break in relations can go according to several scenarios. In some cases, it is possible to maintain friendly relations, or at least not remain enemies. Sometimes a guy and a girl become just strangers after breaking up, and over time they even forget about each other. Under the most difficult circumstances, they can remain bitter enemies or even begin to take revenge on each other. It is advisable to prevent the latter scenario from happening, since it will cause harm to both warring parties.

How to break up on good terms

If there is the slightest opportunity to do this, you should take it. Ultimately, a good relationship with your ex-boyfriend can serve you well over and over again. Therefore, you should tell your boyfriend about your intentions directly and as tactfully as possible. It must be borne in mind that with your decision you are hurting him in any case, so you should choose your words carefully and pronounce them as sincerely as possible. You can use phrases such as:

“It’s hard for me to say this now because I really value your attitude, but you deserve sincerity.”
“I don’t know if you will ever forgive me, but I respect you too much to pretend or deceive.”
“I will understand if you don’t want to see me again, but in any case, know that I really appreciate your kind attitude.”
“I’m sorry for hurting you, but I can’t do anything about this situation - it’s beyond my strength.”
“Perhaps I will regret this decision a hundred times, because you are really a very good, attentive and devoted person, but now I have to do this.”
“You will probably think that I have no conscience, but I want to ask you not to disappear from my life completely. I really need your support, even if we are not together.”
“I really want us to keep only the warmest memories of each other. If you can, don’t hold a grudge against me, I will always have only the kindest feelings for you.”

Depending on the situation and the direction your farewell conversation will take, you should choose words that will help smooth out the rough edges. If a guy cannot restrain himself, expresses offense or reproaches, it is necessary to show understanding. However, if the situation becomes too difficult for you personally, it is better to interrupt the farewell conversation. There is no point in doing anything to the detriment of yourself or your condition.

In the end, a girl has every right to end a relationship that she is burdened with, and also has the right to be treated with respect if she does it honestly, looking the guy in the eyes. Therefore, there is no need to endure reproaches, much less insults. If this happens, you can only congratulate yourself on the right decision, since ending the relationship with such a person would be the right thing to do. You can end an unpleasant conversation with a statement like, “I understand that you are angry right now, and I wouldn’t want to remember you that way. I hope that over time you will understand that none of us are to blame for this situation, and you will soften your attitude towards me. I will still treat you well, just know that.” After that, stop the conversation and leave.

When good things don't work out

If it is not possible to part in a civilized manner while maintaining good relations, then you should act according to the circumstances, minimizing the negative consequences for yourself if possible. You can break up in different ways, for example:

in a personal conversation;
remotely (by phone, message, etc.);
force the guy to initiate a breakup.

The most obvious option listed is a personal conversation. If the situation has developed in such a way that you no longer have the strength to continue the current relationship, and there are very specific reasons for this, then it is better to express everything that has accumulated to the guy’s face. However, despite the fact that in this situation, most likely, the girl is overwhelmed with emotions, she should prepare for such a conversation and control herself. It is necessary to tell the young man that your relationship is over and inform him of the reason that forced you to make such a decision. At the same time, you should maintain your dignity and avoid:

offensive words, derogatory epithets, etc.;
translating the topic to your shortcomings and mistakes, perhaps non-existent;
screaming, hysterics;
demonstrating doubts about the decision made;
mutual threats.

If a guy tries to shift the blame for his own mistakes onto you, you should not argue with him, much less make excuses. It is better to firmly end this conversation with the most appropriate phrase, for example: “You can think whatever you want, your opinion no longer interests me.” If he offends you with mentions of your alleged shortcomings, you can say: “If everything was as you say, then it would be you, not me, who would end our relationship, but I am the one leaving you if you noticed.”

Try not to drag out the conversation, this will not lead to anything good. Schedule in advance what you want to say to your ex-boyfriend and stick to the plan. Having told him everything, put an end to it and leave. If he tries to drag you into a lengthy showdown, interrupt him with the phrase: “Sorry, but I’m no longer interested in this.”

If for some reason you don't want to talk to your guy in person, you can break up with him via text or phone call. This is considered to be bad form, but sometimes such a choice is completely justified. For example, a guy is very impulsive, and you are afraid of his outburst of anger, or you just find it hard to look at him. Then it is better to choose the lesser of two evils. You can write to him something like: “I became aware of your betrayal. I don't want to see or hear you anymore. Don’t appear in my life again, don’t call or come. Best wishes". After that, do not answer his calls, if necessary, turn off the phone, if possible, go somewhere to relax for a couple of days. However, when choosing this model of separation, you must be absolutely sure that your accusations are true.

You can also resort to the most difficult way to end the relationship. This is not easy both from an emotional and tactical point of view, but in some cases such a method can, oddly enough, be in the girl’s interests. We are talking about provoking a guy to break up the relationship. In other words, the girl does everything so that the guy leaves her. Coldness, behavior change, rudeness, lies - all these are tools to achieve the goal in such a case. Ultimately, the guy's patience runs out and he leaves the girl. You can’t count on a warm relationship after this, but a break will occur.

Possible mistakes

The most important and annoying mistake in this case will be the wrong decision. Before you initiate a breakup, make sure you really want it. In general, try to stick to your own interests when building relationships, especially personal ones. If you want to be close to this person, be there; if not, leave.

Never stay with a guy out of pity. This is the second mistake in relationships. Thoughts like “Okay, I’ll be patient, it’s already hard for him right now” or “The poor fellow is unlucky all the time, he can’t give up,” etc. are fundamentally wrong and will not benefit either you or the young man. Of course, if a guy has a grief or sudden difficulties arise, it is better to postpone the breakup. This will be a manifestation of humanity and decency on your part. However, permanent failure is not a reason to stay close to a guy you don't love.

If you have decided to break up the relationship, do not delay in putting it into practice. First of all, you should think about everything, weigh it, evaluate your feelings for the guy, all the pros and cons of the upcoming separation. If, after reflection, you decide in favor of breaking up, then proceed. Prolonged delay can be the very stressful situation that affects not only the mental, but also the physical state of the body. Having chosen the most suitable option for ending the relationship, proceed to action.

After the farewell conversation has taken place, you will still think about your ex-boyfriend for some time, perhaps even miss him - this is normal. However, do not turn the period into an ellipsis, do not indulge your momentary weaknesses, because by doing this you are taking away your strength and time. The same firmness should be shown in stopping such attempts on the part of the guy if he makes them. Often young people try to restore a relationship with a girl, especially if they feel guilty. Numerous calls, messages and visits begin, requests for forgiveness, etc. You need to understand that this behavior is dictated by the same feelings that arise immediately after the breakup that you have. In the vast majority of cases, restoring relationships under the pressure of these emotions does not lead to a positive result - a breakup occurs quite quickly.

Another annoying and, unfortunately, common mistake is trusting third parties. Many strong, good relationships have been destroyed due to the envy or jealousy of other people, including “friends” and “girlfriends”. The well-known expression “happiness loves silence” would come in handy here. Of course, many will know about your mutual love, but you shouldn’t let anyone in on the details, not even close friends. You should be especially wary if someone begins to show increased interest in your relationship, instilling in you the idea that “you deserve better,” that “there are all sorts of rumors,” etc. Think about what the purpose of the person telling you this is.

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 6 minutes

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Breaking up is an unpleasant and painful process. And sometimes it’s hard to say what is less pleasant: when you leave, or when they leave you. However, in any case, it is possible to smooth out an unpleasant situation with the help of civilized separation methods, which will be discussed.

How to break up with a man correctly if you are the initiator of the breakup

As sad as it may sound, not every love is eternal. Relationships deteriorate, flowers wither, once-fiery feelings fade.

If your feelings for a guy have cooled down, don’t torture yourself and him, find strength in yourself and break off burdensome relationships .

We will tell you how to do this correctly below.

Don't put off breaking up in a dark box. It will be harder the longer you go on a date with your unloved person, make love and return kisses. Delaying the breakup will only torment you. The guy will most likely feel your “different” attitude towards him, and this will bring him pain and suffering. If you have decided to break up, do so immediately. Choose the right moment for a serious conversation, assessing both your own emotional state and the mood of your partner.
Choose the right location. It is best to break up on neutral territory that does not evoke any associations for your partner. You should not choose places that mean a lot to your ex-lover. A cafe or park would be a great place. It is advisable that the option you choose is not too crowded and not very noisy.
Think carefully about the upcoming conversation. It is best to focus on a few meaningful phrases that will clearly make it clear to your chosen one that there is no turning back, and there will be no second chance. To avoid listening to his apologies and promises, try not to talk about the reason for the breakup. During the conversation, do not flirt or be flirtatious.
Control your emotions during the conversation. You should not suddenly talk about your decision if the person is hot-tempered and nervous. To have a conversation with a submissive and flimsy guy, you should gain strength so as not to succumb to pressure on your conscience. If you are reproached for being heartless and callous, keep a calm face.
Don't get your guy's hopes up. Do not give him vain hopes, do not offer to remain friends and do not accept such offers from him. Conduct the conversation calmly, avoid misunderstandings. Be firm, otherwise the vicious circle of lies and omissions will not leave you.
Ignore a guy after a breakup, don’t give him a chance and try to explain that the end point has been reached in your relationship. You should not be rude or insult a person, because you once had tender feelings for him.

The art of breaking up gracefully when the initiator of the breakup is He

If your beloved man initiated your separation, understand for yourself that everything that happened is already a fait accompli, and do not be tormented by endless hopes. He left - but, apparently, it was necessary, find the strength within yourself and accept it with dignity .

Simple and useful tips will help brighten up your suffering.

If they leave you, try to stay calm and demonstrate self-esteem.
Ask your partner to explain the reason for this decision. As practice shows, men are confused by the calm behavior of their beloved and sometimes even try to rebuild the relationship. Do not cry under any circumstances, do not rush to fight and do not beg the man to change his mind, these senseless actions will not bring results.
Share your trouble. In psychoanalysis, this technique is called dissipation of grief. As a result, you will soon feel less heavy on your soul.
Keep a diary, which will help get rid of grievances and intrusive memories, will help relieve the severity of the experienced breakup. Offended feelings and torment entrusted to paper will soon become an unpleasant past, and the emotions lived and described will no longer weigh on the soul and will gradually be released. Read also:
Do something– cleaning, doing laundry, rearranging the room or going to aerobics. Physical labor is a good cure for mental suffering and torment.
Don't bottle up your own emotions, release them into the wild, otherwise they will destroy you from the inside.
Plunge headlong into your career for a while. A broken personal life is not a reason to derail everything else. Success at work will inspire and fill you with energy.
Organize holidays for yourself more often, read your favorite books, watch your favorite movies. Spend more time with friends, play sports, go to parties.

How to break up with a man correctly so that you don’t feel bitter and ashamed - important advice from psychologists

The first rule of breaking up is to tell the man this news personally and first. In this matter, SMS, calls, and emails are excluded. Don't tell anyone about the breakup before it happens.
The communication strategy for the last meeting requires careful thought. Both participants in the conversation at the fateful hour should be in a calm and pleasant mood.

Straight Talk is the most humane and simple solution to the problem. Tell your partner why your relationship ended, thank him for the pleasant time spent together, and wish him a happy future. For a beautiful breakup, you can surprise your guy with a walk followed by a romantic dinner, and that evening, with slight sadness, tell the news about the breakup. The main thing is to complete your love story sincerely.
If a woman does not dare to say out loud the decision to separate, can you write a goodbye letter , but hand it over to the former lover, personally telling him about the separation.
People meet in different ways, and after a breakup, an ex-boyfriend may not only bombard you with emails or text messages, but also threats. A woman should not succumb to such provocations . Just tell your partner everything and quietly leave. In this case, silence is costly.
When breaking up, don't say nasty things to your partner , don’t lose your temper, give up your sense of dignity.
Never tell other people's secrets , even after breaking up with a person, keep your mouth shut.
Don't run into the other guy's arms. Give your ex-partner time to calm down, let the bridges of your former relationship burn out.
Never blame yourself for past feelings. . Parting is necessary so that a person can arrange his life differently. Everything that happens to you is destined by fate.
And the most important thing - never disappear without explaining yourself with my man about breaking up. This would be the worst way to end a relationship. Don't hide without putting everything in its place. Follow through and arrange your new life with a clear conscience.

You don't know how to break up with a guy? Has love passed or has the relationship become unbearable? Then this article will help you. Finally, understand yourself and dot all the i's in relationships.

Often girls, even if they have decided that they want to break up with their boyfriend, still have doubts about this. Below we will describe the concrete reasons to break off the relationship:

Assault

According to statistics, every 4th couple has cases of psychological and physical violence. But less than 50% of these women decide to break up. The most unpleasant thing in this situation is that in 95% of couples, outbreaks of physical attacks are repeated again and again. And over time they only become more frequent.

This happens when a girl does nothing to protect herself, but only continues to believe and hope that her partner will change. And only 5% of situations of assault by a man are one-time. In this case, they are caused by your incorrect behavior.

What conclusion can be drawn based on these data? Waiting for the correction of a young man who is giving up in most cases makes no sense.

He doesn't respect you

Does your boyfriend allow you to make fun of you in the company of friends? Or does he consider your thoughts to be empty chatter? A serious reason for breaking such a connection. Perhaps you think that this is a small minus of it, which covers many good qualities. Think about how to live with such a person for the rest of your life. You will constantly feel stupid.

You often quarrel

Is it difficult to call your relationship balanced and harmonious? Do you often quarrel with your loved one and just can’t find a common language? This will be a difficult test for you. Even if at the moments of reconciliation you feel very good with this person, after a couple of years you will only get the pain of disappointment and upset nerves.

Your feelings have faded

Previously, you experienced warm feelings, but now the love has passed. And you look at this man in surprise. You can’t understand what you liked so much about him before. This is a wake-up call. Of course, some couples manage to return their former love back to normal. But for this you need to have at least a desire.

He insults you

Is your guy increasingly addressing you in a rude manner? You heard a kind word from him, and you wonder if this is a hallucination? A great reason to say good-bye to your loved one. Mutual respect is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

Case from practice:

Recently, Svetlana, 25 years old, came to us for a consultation, whose boyfriend was not very respectful towards her. He was often rude to her and could insult her in public in the company of friends. But she could not break off relations with him, as she was very attached to him. Also important to her was the fact that, despite the insults, the young man suited her completely and was literally her dream.

Over the course of several consultations, we finally found out that marrying such a person would be a mistake. Together we decided to give the young man 4 months to correct himself. Of course, first Svetlana talked to him frankly. In the conversation, she made it clear that if he did not make an attempt to improve his attitude towards her, then they would have to break up.

The young man, for his part, also had strong feelings and did not want to part. Therefore, he held out for 3 whole months, but, in the end, he lost his temper and shouted at her on public transport. This situation made it clear to Svetlana that this shortcoming of her lover is difficult to correct. And most likely she will have to endure this for the rest of her life together. Therefore, the girl decided to break off the relationship.

Lack of attention

Your boyfriend, despite your requests, gives you little attention. If you decide to legalize the relationship, then, as statistics show, it will only get worse. Coldness and indifference are what awaits you with such a husband.

He's using you

Girls are very kind by nature. And when the flame of passion falls on them, they are ready to do literally anything for their lover. They will stop the galloping horse and enter the burning hut if the prince asks. Sometimes this goes beyond all boundaries, and the guy begins to take advantage of the excessive kindness of his admirer. Often without experiencing mutual love. Such relationships cannot be called normal.

He lies a lot

Does your crush like to embellish everything he says with colorful words? Or even invents something that didn’t actually happen. It’s common for him to tell tall tales instead of being honest. With such a would-be groom, building a happy future will be the same impossible fairy tale that he tells.

He's cheating on you

He cheated on you, and you are one hundred percent sure of it. This is not gossip and speculation from your girlfriends, but reliable information. Many girls have doubts at this stage as well. The best advice here is to listen to your inner voice. If you have the strength and, most importantly, the meaning to forgive, then this option is possible.

Psychologist's advice: If in doubt, break off the relationship or not. Here are a few questions to help you decide. Think carefully and weigh all the pros and cons:

What will change if we break up?
Maybe it would be better to try to change something in the relationship? Will I regret this decision?
Can I be happy without him?
Do I still have feelings for him? Which ones exactly? Positive or negative? Love and tenderness or habit, irritation, fear of loneliness?
Is this exactly what I need?
Will I regret the breakup later?
What's wrong with this guy?

What's the best way to break up?

Most psychologists vying with each other advise meeting exclusively in person for such an important conversation. Calls and text messages are seen as disrespect for a partner and cowardice. We think differently. Breaking up via SMS does happen. But here you also need to know certain rules:

– This type of separation is ideal for girls who have been dating for a short time.

– If you are afraid of a one-on-one breakup, and don’t know how you will look a guy in the eyes, then SMS is the best option.

– If your boyfriend has a hot temper. Especially if he has a habit of insulting and attacking.

Psychologist's advice: In any relationship, it is important to remember the hackneyed truth that everything tends to come back.

So if you are thinking:
- simply disappear unnoticed, avoid meeting your admirer and leave without explanation
- or deliberately harass him with nagging and eventually cause a scandal, shower him with reproaches,

then this is not the best option. This will break the young man's heart and make him spend more than one day in suffering. If you don’t want to be dumped in the same way in the future, try to explain things normally to the guy.

We break up via SMS. Examples of messages from a practicing psychologist

It’s also worth preparing for a breakup via SMS so as not to unnecessarily hurt your partner’s feelings.

State everything clearly in one message. This will avoid unnecessary questions and explanations.
Use a respectful tone and polite language. Now is not the time or place for reproaches and insults. It makes no sense to blame the guy for all the sins now. It's better to try to stay on good terms.
Try to think through possible questions in advance and answer them ahead.

Example message:

Sash, I want to talk to you seriously and frankly. I'm worried about the future of both of us. We have too different views on life. In my opinion, this really prevents us from being happy. I hate pretending. There is no point in pretending that everything is fine anymore. Therefore, the best decision for us would be to separate.

I thought about this a lot and I can’t say that this decision was easy for me. But it will be better for both of us. I hope that you will understand me and will not hold a grudge. We had a lot of good things, so I will only remember this about you. I hope you will remember me only with a smile. I sincerely wish you: be happy!

Parting without hard feelings

If you want to break off ties with a guy, but remain on good terms with him, then do not rush to offer him this. This hackneyed phrase: “Let's remain friends” will only bring him the pain of resentment and humiliation. Everything needs to be done in a timely manner.

Think for yourself. Your boyfriend didn't suspect anything. When suddenly you tell him that you want to break up and will not change your mind under any circumstances. But appreciate everything that happened between you, etc. And bam, you offer friendship instead of love. Of course, the young man will be upset and refuse such an offer.

But if you do not insist on this, then his pain will subside over time and, perhaps, he himself will then offer it to you. Thus, you can break up with a guy without causing him a lot of suffering and without offending him.

He loves you, but you don't love him

12 important tips:

It is considered good form to report the breakup in person, face to face. If you feel the strength to survive this unpleasant moment with dignity, and are sure that your boyfriend does not suffer from mental disorders (he will not start shouting and threatening you, or using physical force), then organize this meeting in advance.

The best choice of location would be a park or a quiet cafe. But not those where you spent many pleasant moments. Choose a place where you have never been together. Let the pleasant memories of you not be overshadowed by a tragic end.

Also choose your timing carefully. Don't tell the news in front of mutual friends, during a break between couples, or during your lunch break at work.
Plan and prepare your speech. Choose honest, frank words. But don’t mention his shortcomings or that it’s all his fault. Moreover, there is no need to attack, humiliate and insult a young man.
It’s best to even rehearse a little in front of a mirror. Your words should sound convincing and calm. Don't use flirting. Otherwise, the guy will think that this is not serious.
Don’t give in to pity, don’t cry or hug your ex-lover as a sign of consolation. This will also make him think that you are doubting your decision and you can still reverse it.
Try to remain calm during the conversation itself. Do not descend into shouting and showdowns, even if the guy provokes you. Do not give in to his persuasion and promises to change everything. If you have decided everything, you should not indulge in manipulation.
Don't make a scandal yourself. Think carefully, where does this desire to make a scene come from? Most likely from a feeling of guilt. After all, you are the initiator of the breakup. This will not make it any easier for you, but it can ruin your nerves. Parting is already unpleasant in itself, there is no need to aggravate everything.
If you are leaving for another guy, then you do not need to report it. This will only make your ex-boyfriend even more upset. Try not to advertise this for a while. Do not appear in a common company of friends with a new passion, do not put joint photos on social networks.
If you decide to break up with him, go all the way. And don’t delay this matter. Your coldness and postponing dates will not lead to anything good. But also consider the condition of your ex-other half. If a bunch of other serious problems have fallen on him now, then such news could finish off the poor fellow.
Don't give the guy hope for a possible turn of events. Advise him to move on and wish him luck with another girl. Emphasize that feelings have cooled and nothing can be returned.
In the future, maintain respect for your former loved one. Do not share intimate secrets with your friends, do not spread bad rumors about him.
Try not to keep in touch with a young man. After the conversation, delete his number, avoid meeting places and mutual acquaintances. This way, your separation will bring him less mental suffering.

If love has not yet passed, but a breakup is inevitable

Stage 1. Decide

The most painful breakup for a girl is breaking up with a guy you still love. You understand that relationships are going nowhere. But you love with all your heart. It’s not easy to decide that it’s over and take the first step towards breaking the connection. But this must be done. If you are already thinking that nothing can be fixed, it means that your relationship is already a turned leaf.

Analyze everything from your acquaintance to the present moment. Think about whether something can renew warm feelings and mutual understanding? Or does it no longer make sense to endure his coldness and indifference, constant quarrels? This will help you make your final decision.

Step 2: Do it

You have made a difficult decision for you. Take action! If you are confident in your abilities that you can tell him this by looking into his eyes, then do so. But keep in mind that you also need to answer his questions and listen to his objections. It is very likely that he will try to stop you. You must endure it all with dignity.

If your feelings are so strong that it is not possible to do this in person, feel free to send an email. Your goal is to get away from a harmful relationship that is destroying you and him as well. It prevents you from enjoying life and creating normal relationships. Therefore, all means are good here.

Stage 3. Rehabilitation

At this stage, you will have to start a new life, despite the aching chest pain. The main thing to remember is that the best is yet to come! This thought should motivate you to move forward.

Under no circumstances should you become discouraged or depressed. Your attitude is very important: if you are confident in yourself that no matter what you will survive this time, then so be it.

Psychologist's advice: Remember, millions of people have experienced what you are feeling now! And many also managed to find their love and happiness again. You are no exception.

Make it a rule: to stir up the past as little as possible. Try not to think about your ex at all. This will serve as a good impetus for you to start a new life.
Think through your life in such a way that you won’t meet him anywhere else. Chat now in another company. This person no longer exists in your life. You literally have to cross it out. Delete all photos and contacts, remove things that remind you of him.
If the mental pain does not go away, express everything to a good friend, mother, sister. The best way to get rid of worries is to throw them out.
Spend your free time wisely. Not to replay in your head possible reasons for separation and self-deprecation. And for positive activities: meeting with friends, going to the theater or cinema. Perhaps you have long wanted to resume playing sports or something else.
Another useful rule: do not forget to please yourself with small pleasures. Do you want a new dress or change your hairstyle? Or give yourself a big surprise. Vacation at sea in good company. Whether you allow yourself to be happy depends only on you.

Case from practice:

One day Olga, 23 years old, came to us for a consultation. The girl could not break off the relationship that was tormenting her and could not understand whether it was worth doing. In the last six months, relations with Andrey have become very cold. The young man showed obvious indifference. But he was in no hurry to part with himself and denied his coldness.

Together with Olga, we analyzed after what events her boyfriend’s attitude began to change. It turned out that her lover accidentally met an ex-girlfriend on the street, for whom he had strong feelings. From that time on, they began to meet sometimes as good friends. The girl was married and claimed that her relationship with her husband was developing wonderfully.

Apparently, Andrei began to doubt his relationship with Olga and began to harbor hopes of renewing his relationship with his ex-girlfriend. But he didn’t want to break up, because he was afraid to admit to his former passion his remaining feelings and didn’t want to be left alone. As a result, Olga made the right decision to break off the connection with the man who was dreaming about another woman.

Debunking myths:

There are females who are happy in life, they are always loved, and they never need anything. And only I had such an unfortunate fate.
This is wrong. It is impossible to be in a state of absolute happiness and constant pleasure from life.
Somewhere in the world there is a young man with whom you can be happy forever.

In fact, everyone has problems from time to time. The main thing is to be able to solve them in time so that they do not destroy love.

True love only gets stronger over the years.

In any relationship there are various periods and stages that replace each other. At first there may be an idyll, then disagreement and vice versa. It is important to be flexible and meet each other halfway.

Break up with your boyfriend gracefully

Has your relationship brought you many happy moments? But in the end, you decided to break up anyway. Surely you want the breakup to be a wonderful ending. Read below for tips on how to leave a young man gracefully:

Prepare and think through your speech especially carefully, use delicate words that can hurt the guy the least.
Use praise, acknowledge that he is great and has many good qualities. Tell him that his future girlfriend will be very lucky to have him. But don't overdo it! Otherwise, the guy will think that you are trying to manipulate him.
Remember together the most joyful moments with him, and sincerely thank him for it. Your task is to gently explain that it just so happened that despite all this, the feelings have faded away and cannot be returned.
Don't give in to remorse and guilt. Remember - life is a cycle, nothing stands still. Staying in a relationship that does not bring happiness and satisfaction is not an option.
The fault of the separation lies with both partners. Therefore, you must listen to the young man's point of view. To dump everything on him, pack his bags and leave - it would be too selfish.
It doesn’t occur to you what words to choose? Then use the old wisdom - put yourself in your partner's shoes. What would you like to hear? This is exactly how you structure the conversation.

Psychologist's advice: An excellent solution for those who are afraid of such serious conversations face to face is to write a letter on paper. Describe to him all your feelings and why you decided to break up. Write and hand over this letter personally. Such an act will look honest and beautiful. Smooth out your indecisiveness this way)

How do you know that everything went well?

You just told your loved one that it's all over. How can you tell that he understood your words? Look closely at his face. What does it express? Sadness, melancholy, confusion? So, you did everything perfectly. This is a normal reaction of a person who has just been dumped by his girlfriend.

If there is a sly smile on his face, it means that in some way you were not convincing enough. Perhaps you were too flirtatious? Or did he see regret in your eyes? In any case, you were not taken seriously. So just turn around and leave. Don't contact him anymore, this will make him think about your words.

Now you have a complete guide to breaking up with your boyfriend the right way and the way you want. Start acting right now, without putting it off for a long time.

There are simple situations in life, and there are not so simple ones. Very often, confusing and complex relationships arise. And no matter how much advice the girls read, it is difficult to make a decision on their own and do everything right.

Only a psychologist with extensive experience behind him will be able to objectively assess the situation and help find the optimal solution. And also quickly and painlessly end unwanted relationships. We will be happy to help you with your question. We will work together on your specific situation and find the best solution. Together we can do everything!

Ilya Shevelev

Greetings, dear readers and especially female readers. In this article, I decided to touch upon a topic that is perhaps not very popular, but nevertheless quite interesting and important for some people. We will talk about how to break up with a guy with whom a girl wants to break off relations, but does not know how best to do it. Why is this topic important? The fact is that there are such cases, and I sometimes have to deal with them in my work, when girls come across very annoying guys with whom it is quite difficult to break off relations. Such a guy, if a girl decides to break up with him, can begin to stalk her, blackmail her in every possible way, threaten her or beg her to stay with him, putting pressure on her psyche. These situations, although rare, are very unpleasant and sometimes quite dangerous. After all, some guys, because of their hot blood, can do a lot of stupid things and harm a girl because of her desire to break up with them. Therefore, you need to break up with some guys very carefully and very competently, so as not to face negative consequences. I will tell you how this can be done in this article.

I want to say right away that if you, dear girls, see that your boyfriend is, let’s say, not entirely balanced and can be extremely aggressive if he is denied something, you don’t need to try to break up with him in standard ways. All these: “We need to break up” and “Let’s remain friends” or “I have another guy”, “We are not suitable for each other” and so on - are not suitable. And even more so, you should not break off relations with a guy over the phone or by mail, because this can cause an extremely negative reaction in him, which may lead to no one knows what. And you don’t need to explain anything to your boyfriend if he doesn’t want to hear anything. There are people with whom you can communicate, to whom you can say something and be sure that they will hear you. And there are people who do not understand words and do not hear their interlocutor at all during a conversation. Now, if your boyfriend is like that, you don’t need to talk to him. In short, if he is a fool who does not understand what is being said to him, do not talk to him. There is no need for all these serious conversations or heart-to-heart conversations with those who cannot, because they do not want to hear others. Don’t waste your time and nerves on this, and don’t bother your boyfriend again, so that he doesn’t start pestering you. But this is relevant in the case when, as I already said, your boyfriend does not want to hear you, when he does not understand the words. So evaluate your boyfriend properly to find out whether you can break up with him normally or not. If not, then read on, I will tell you what to do.

Different guys behave differently when a girl wants to break up with them. Some people understand everything perfectly and part with girls without any problems, because they are confident in themselves, know their worth and are not going to force anyone to date them. You won't be nice by force. And there are guys who begin to shed tears, snot, begin to beg the girl not to leave them, and so on. Such guys look quite pathetic, because they have very low self-esteem and are afraid of being left alone. And there are also guys who react extremely aggressively to a girl’s desire to break up with them and can begin to cause her big problems. They can blackmail the girl, put pressure on her, threaten her. And if a girl leaves such a guy, he may then begin to take revenge on her. And sometimes such revenge turns out to be very cruel. In general, you understand that problems with such guys can be very serious. By the way, often those guys who first shed tears and blow snot, after the girl leaves them, begin to take revenge on them. It is from all this disgrace that I want to save you, dear girls. Therefore, I repeat, the first thing you need to do is find out whether your boyfriend is an adequate person. And if you see that he is not adequate, that you may have problems when breaking up with him, do not break up with him in the usual ways. Break up with him the way I suggest you do.

So, there are several ways to quickly and ethically get rid of people you are not interested in, but they all have their drawbacks. Therefore, I will not talk about them now. And there is a very reliable and repeatedly tested, including in my practice, method of breaking up, in which in the vast majority of cases you are guaranteed to break up with any person, be it a guy or a girl, without negative consequences for yourself. That is, no one will beg you to stay, no one will threaten you, no one will blackmail you into staying, in general, everything will go very smoothly, without a hitch, and everyone will be happy.

To show you the effectiveness of this method, let me start a little from afar. I want you to understand the very essence of this method and be convinced of its effectiveness. Then you can use it without any problems. So, you want to break up with a guy, but the guy doesn’t really want it, or perhaps doesn’t want it at all, and at the same time he’s not entirely adequate, and you know this, which means you may have problems when breaking up with him. Therefore, you need to part with him in such a way that this person disappears from your life forever and never again bothers you or interferes with your life. To understand what you need to do for this, I suggest you imagine yourself in the place of your boyfriend with whom you want to break up. Let's assume that you have met a very handsome, very interesting, very smart and very good guy from your point of view, with whom you feel very good together, so good that you cannot even imagine life without him. And suddenly, at one fine moment, he decides to break up with you, no matter for what reason. Imagine how you will feel when you find out about this? Probably not very good, do you agree? And if you also fell head over heels in love with this guy, or you simply don’t want to lose him because he is dear to you, or you are afraid of being alone, then you will probably try in every possible way to keep him close to you, including, perhaps, through blackmail and even threats. Well, or with the help of persuasion and tears. You know better. In short, you won't want to break up with your guy. And this is your desire - this is the essence of the problem, both for him, if he wants to break up with you, and for you, if you don’t want this. Desire is what it's all about. We do not want to lose what is dear to us, what we consider valuable to ourselves.

Now let's imagine another scenario in which this guy, whom you really like, gradually begins to behave in such a way that you become not very comfortable around him, or you can even say that you are disgusted to be around him. This is possible, right, if the guy changes. That is, this guy may become a person who is unpleasant and not interesting to you. For example, and this is a very good example, he may begin to behave like a complete squalor. Let's say he smells bad, looks terrible, dresses ugly, constantly whines, complains about life, about various problems, including financial ones, in general, he will turn into the kind of guy that girls usually don't like. Imagine what will happen to your feelings for him? They will start to change, right? And definitely not for the better. Your interest in this guy will begin to disappear. And if he also tells you about some illness that he was diagnosed with, let’s say it is some illness that imposes restrictions on his sex life, then this will make an even stronger negative impression on you. Thus, your attitude towards him will begin to change, of course, for the worse. And ultimately what will happen is that you will leave him. In most cases this is exactly what happens. We usually leave people who are not interesting to us, problematic people, people with whom we are uncomfortable. Now imagine that this is exactly what he needed, and that all his terrible behavior and appearance was his game, which he played with one single goal - to break up with you. And he will be able to do this if you yourself decide to break up with him. I emphasize: decide for yourself. That's what's important. As a result, no scandals, no tears, no blackmail, no threats, no persecution and other disgrace - you yourself will run away from him and will be glad that you will never see him again. After all, you need a normal guy, and not God knows who. Thus, his goal of breaking up with you will be achieved. And you will simply find yourself another guy who is normal from your point of view. And everyone will be happy. This is exactly what I offer you, talking about how to properly break up with a guy if he doesn’t want it himself. You need to make sure that your boyfriend decides to break up with you. And here again we are talking about desire, but about a different desire - about a desire that suits you, which you need to evoke in your boyfriend.

Therefore, in order to break up with a guy so that he does not cling to the relationship with you and does not blackmail you in any way, you need to achieve only one thing - for him to leave you. Well, or in any case, so that he doesn’t mind breaking up with you. That's the whole trick, if you like, with parting. This method is guaranteed to help you get rid of a guy without any negative consequences. After all, it will be his decision, not yours, based on his desire, although you will be interested in him. This is the essence of an effective and relatively trouble-free breakup with a guy. Why relative? Because guys are different, you need to adapt to some of them in a certain way in order to make them disgusted with yourself, so that they decide to break up with you. The main thing, remember, is that you need to ensure that the person leaves you, or is not against breaking up with you, because of your behavior, appearance, because of your problems, then everything will be clean and smooth. It’s difficult for me to say anything about the ethics of such an approach to breaking up, because then everything will depend on the methods by which you will make the guy disgusted with himself. And they can be different. In some cases, it is enough to become a very unscrupulous girl, in others too bitchy, in others frivolous, in others very ugly, and so on. You can combine negative qualities and character traits in yourself, behaving in such a way that the guy starts to feel sick of you, for better effectiveness. In this matter, it is desirable, and sometimes necessary, to start from your boyfriend’s preferences in order to become for him exactly the kind of girl whom he will stop loving and appreciating, and will begin to feel disgusted with her, that is, one who will not be interesting to him at all and not needed. Then he will quickly leave you behind. This method of breaking up with problem guys works great.

By the way, a guy can just as well break up with a girl, which I already mentioned above, if he sees that she doesn’t want to let him go and is holding on to him in every possible way. He can change so much for a while that she herself will happily leave him. Girls don't like all guys, and they don't like some guys at all. They especially don’t like guys who are insecure, whiny, overly modest, too shy, complex, as well as seemingly flawed, weak and depressed. It is these guys who, as a rule, have problems with girls - they cannot find anyone for themselves, since many girls do not want to date them. They should turn to a psychologist for help to solve their problems with girls and not only with girls, but also with themselves, but many of them, unfortunately, do not do this. Well, for those guys who have problems with girls of a different kind, that is, those who want to break up with them nicely and without unnecessary problems, all they have to do is play the role of an unattractive guy well and the job will be done - the girl will leave such a guy on her own. So in this sense, this method of separation is universal. Sometimes, however, this approach to breaking up may take some time, which will be required to make the person disgusted with himself, but this person will leave you on his own and you most likely will not have any problems with him in the future.

This is how you can break up with a guy who doesn't want to break up with you on good terms. Of course, in each individual case it is possible, and sometimes necessary, to choose a special way of influencing the guy so that he himself decides to leave you. But you can also use the most common methods, which I wrote about above, to discourage a guy from interested in you. Think about what you can do for this directly in your case. If you can’t come up with anything suitable to force the guy to break up with you, well, then contact me for help - we’ll think about this problem together. The main thing is don’t get into trouble, don’t quarrel with your boyfriend, don’t irritate him, don’t make him aggressive by insisting on breaking up the relationship if he doesn’t want it. Otherwise, you never know what will happen. Young blood is hot blood, how many stupid things people do because of unrequited love. I've encountered this more than once, so I know what I'm talking about. Act more cunningly, and then everything will be fine, you will get what you want, without unnecessary problems.

Choose the best time. If you realize that it is not worth continuing the relationship, think about how best to present the fact of your separation to your partner. There is no need to avoid a guy or date him out of pity and unwillingness to take a step towards breaking up. This behavior will only worsen your relationship. Believe me, your boyfriend will feel that your feelings have changed.

Find a suitable reason for the breakup that you are going to voice to the guy. For example, you can refer to your faded feelings, to the fact that you do not feel a kinship of souls. If it is impossible to beautifully play out the moment and remain honest, come up with a legend why you cannot be together. Say that you are leaving for another city or country.

There is no need to completely shift the blame for a failed romance onto your partner. From you too the development of events, be objective. To save face, be generous and don't act like a nagging, capricious girl. Try to avoid pointing out your partner's shortcomings. To break up gracefully, talk about the situation as a whole, and not the role of each of you in it.

Talk to your boyfriend. Choose an appropriate moment when you are both in the mood for a constructive, calm conversation. Noisy parties and holidays are not suitable for breaking up with a guy. There should be no witnesses to your separation. Also, you shouldn’t abandon a young man via the Internet, phone or via message, that’s vulgar. Find the strength to meet face to face. It is better if the breakup with the guy takes place on neutral territory, in a relaxing, romantic atmosphere.

Remember the melodramas that you watched with your boyfriend. If they had moments of breaking up with a guy, you can play them out. This way your young man will understand everything without words. Transparent hints and associations with sad moments from some cult film will make your separation unusual and beautiful.

Announce your decision to break up with your boyfriend and explain the reason. Don't be shy about your emotions. Don't hold back your tears, this will make your breakup even more melodramatic. Remember all the touching moments of your relationship, the most successful dates. Bring along some photos of you together to see how your romance progresses one last time.

Take with you all the gifts that the young man gave you. Solemnly return them, explaining that they bring back memories of a relationship that was not destined to grow into something big and bright, no matter how hard you both tried. If possible, order a slow composition for the guy that touches the soul, and invite him to the last dance.

Don't offer to remain friends. This cliched phrase will ruin the moment. It’s better to say that time will put everything in its place, and after months both you and the guy will understand whether friendship is possible between you. Let the young man know that you really value his company, but you cannot imagine him as just a friend. Admit that it would hurt you to see him build a new relationship.

Remember that you should not feel guilty about your own decision. You are free to build your own personal life and choose which guy to be with. Do not exaggerate the pain that you could cause to the young man. Over time, his mental wound will heal, and you both will be able to build a new, happy, long-term relationship.