How to accept compliments. How to get a compliment from a chef? Less high-flown phrases
A compliment is somewhere between objectivity and flattery.
Have you thought about how you respond to praise? Are you blushing embarrassed? You drop the attendant: "Thank you", "Thanks and you too"? Do you underestimate your accomplishments? Or do you ignore the interlocutor, considering his compliment inappropriate, self-serving or insincere? If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, this article is for you.
the site understood why compliments are needed and how to take them correctly. This allows you to improve interpersonal communication and increase self-esteem.
What are compliments and why are they needed?
A compliment (fr. compliment) is a form of praise, an expression of approval, respect, admiration; pleasant words and positive feedback.
Most people are kind to compliments. Still would! Compliments stimulate successful activities and behavior, cheer up, improve relationships between people and increase self-esteem. And for all this to take place, it is important to enjoy compliments and respond to them correctly.
What prevents you from enjoying praise?
- Low self-esteem, fear of being the center of attention
- Belief that you did nothing special
- The idea that a compliment obliges something
- Psychological stress, inability to communicate
- Doubt in the sincerity of others, conflict, unwillingness to see positive in people, etc.
Three wrong responses to a compliment
1. Embarrassment
People with low self-esteem do not know how to accept compliments - they turn pale, blush, look away, mumble something out of place, deny their merits, focus on shortcomings: “What are you doing! I have a completely terrible figure, these are the folds on my stomach!
- Consequences
If a red, embarrassed face and a lowered look can still give touchingness to a sweet lady, then an absurd muttering or an emphasis on one's shortcomings will create a bad impression on the opponent.
How to accept compliments
For example, if a young man hears this from his girlfriend, he may wonder if he needs a girlfriend "with a terrible figure"? If this becomes the property of a group of people, among them, perhaps, there will be those who directly or indirectly wish to put pressure on the “sore spot”.
In addition, the denial of a compliment offends the interlocutor, hints to him that his opinion is not important.
2. Inability to respond to a compliment
- Who is it for and what does it look like?
People who are afraid of being in the spotlight and people who do not know how to respond to compliments also tend to belittle or deny their merits or automatically respond with the notorious “Thank you”, “Thank you, you too”, “You too pretty haircut" etc.
- Consequences
A standard response to a compliment, copying a compliment, an answer “on the machine” can give the interlocutor the impression that you are indifferent to him, busy with your own business, and in general, you don’t have time for compliments (exchange of pleasantries).
3. Absent-mindedness and suspicion
- Who is it for and what does it look like?
People with a distracted attention, absent-minded, agitated, carried away by their thoughts, as well as suspicious, can easily ignore a compliment. Some - because they can’t switch their attention in time, and others - because they are internally preparing for battle: “Why is he suddenly? What does he want from me?"
How to accept compliments
- Consequences
The interlocutor may decide that you are proud, and a kind attitude towards others has become alien to you. If he does not know the features of your character (for example, absent-mindedness), this can lead to a deterioration in relations.
1. Smile back
A simple smile can serve as a good response to a compliment. It can be backed up with pleasant phrases like: "Thank you very nice to hear", “Thank you, you have cheered me up so much!”, "Thank you for noticing". You can return a compliment with a compliment, just don't copy it. Connect fantasy, avoid clichés. It is even useful to come up with your own blanks and use them as needed.
2. When answering the interlocutor, look into his eyes
This way you will show your opponent that you are interested in communicating with him, you perfectly heard what he was talking about and are ready for contact. It is worth remembering that a look at the floor, a wandering look subconsciously creates the impression of complete indifference and insincerity in the interlocutor.
How to accept compliments
3. Learn to sincerely enjoy a compliment
Despite the fact that life brings many trials, you should not expect constant tricks from it. Most likely, the employee who complimented you wants to share a good mood with you, note your good disposition towards you, or appreciate your professionalism, and therefore do not miss the moment to once again rejoice at the fact that you are being praised.
4. Do not think for the interlocutor
Take the compliment in the literal sense, do not invent anything superfluous and do not prove to yourself the opposite. If you have any questions, please ask. It will be better than suffering in ignorance or, conversely, building castles in the air. The same goes for flattery.
- many people like to test how you react to flattery.
If you have no desire to be flattered, turn the conversation into a joke, say directly: "You flatter me" or "You overestimate me";
- if the compliment seems to you undisguised flattery or untruth ...
Remember the saying: "How many people - so many opinions." Accept praise as a personal point of view of the interlocutor. If you really do not agree with the speaker, sincerely thank him, and treat what has been said with irony.
5. Accept praise with dignity
It is important to emphasize that you enjoy the attention of others, but get carried away. Otherwise, you will be reproached for pride or "star fever".
6. Be natural
No need to be overly flirtatious, as well as asking for a compliment. Firstly, arrogance has not painted anyone yet, and secondly, artificial compliments often do not correspond to reality.
How to accept compliments
7. Don't be silent
Building good relationships requires the mutual participation of interlocutors. If you find yourself missing compliments, work on shifting your attention.
8. Do not pull or stop the interlocutor
Do not respond with aggression in response to a compliment. This is impolite and unreasonable.
9. Don't respond to a compliment "on the run"
Take a minute to listen to your interlocutor. Stop, thank you for your interest. If you still didn’t have time to answer, and this happens, send an e-mail with thanks or call. It is never too late to maintain good relations and it is always useful.
10. Separate the good from the bad
Do not respond to a compliment with a veiled reprimand: "Is it true? Didn't expect to hear that from you.", "And who would have thought that you could do this", "Wow! We are so polite!" If you have any claims against the opponent, it is worth expressing them at another time.
11. Boost your self-esteem
If you find it difficult to respond to compliments: you experience strong emotional stress, do not like being praised, you cannot figure out what to say or feel like leaving the room, your problem is low self-esteem. Work on improving it, learn to love yourself and appreciate your achievements
Examples:
“Aleksey, you have wonderful work. Tell me, by what means is it better to convey the hot summer / movement / moonlight? or “Why did you paint this particular picture?”
“Nadia, you always dress so well. What accessories do you think would suit my new look?”
Such techniques help a shy person cope with praise, and in you he begins to see a pleasant conversationalist with whom he can discuss topics that are common to you.
Olga VOSTOCHNAYA,
psychologist
Pay attention to how children react to praise in their address. They usually smile. And we are ready to try, just to once again hear the words of approval. If you didn’t learn from your childhood the ability to accept compliments, it’s not too late to learn this now. The ability to accept compliments will show people that you are a good, open person. Plus, it's really, really nice.
How to accept compliments
How to compliment
Can you learn to compliment yourself? Practice on loved ones. But first, straighten your eyebrows and smile. Or wait until you are in good mood. Because the compliment, said with a gloomy face, is in the spirit: “And your skirt is what you need!” perceived more as a threat.
- Any person can find a lot of advantages. Find - praise, but be sure to sincerely. The interlocutor, as a rule, will try to tell you a return compliment.
- Never use a compliment for selfish purposes. Thus, you turn this nectar for the heart into the usual slippery and two-faced flattery. Flattery is not a compliment, but only a set of words, the beauty of which is lost in a fake smile and a fawning voice.
- There are no prepared compliments; real praise is always spontaneous and sincere.
- Praise the person for something specific, don't use general phrases like "You're beautiful!" or you - good worker". Each person is an individual. What kind of compliment would you like to receive? And which one is the most desirable for you? It is said that women love to be told about their irresistibility. Emphasize what, in your opinion, is the irresistibility of a particular woman. “I love the smell of your hair” sounds much nicer and more gentle than “You are the best.”
Positive emotions can be given not only to a couple of the closest people. Try simply smiling at a stranger you like and watch the reaction. Do you remember the last time you received a compliment right on the street? How has your mood changed? Precisely because this praise was unexpected and sincere, you remember it to this day.
How to compliment subordinates:
Any manufacturing process includes not only the relationship of people among themselves, but also the relationship with the leadership. Much depends on how the leader behaves towards subordinates.
Wise leaders understand that distributing compliments right and left does not earn real authority. First of all, you need to be a really good leader, objective, honest, if necessary - tough. A compliment can only be considered as a piquant addition to your image. But here it is important not to "overdo it." For a manager who compliments his subordinate, it is important to remember the following.
- If you want to note the responsibility and diligence of an employee, then pay attention to his specific achievements. The phrase "You are a responsible person" do not be too lazy to expand "... the way you coped with the last project should be an example for all of us." You will be pleasantly surprised by its performance in the future.
- It is better to compliment the professional qualities of an employee than personal ones.
- Compliments to a person of the opposite sex, frankly calling for flirting, should be postponed for the appropriate relationship and environment.
- Constantly sounding the same compliment loses its value.
- If the manager makes personal compliments, but at the same time does not notice the real achievements of the employee, this can serve to reduce production motivation.
- When a manager intends to fire, do not "sweeten" the pill with personal compliments, thereby he will only reduce the person's self-esteem. Better try to be objective.
It is always easier for people to enter the production process when complicated personal relationships in the workplace are not in the way. This applies to the leader and subordinate, especially.
We must strive to ensure that the situation in the workplace is not ambiguous. When the relationship between the leader and the subordinate is "transparent", it is easy and pleasant to both speak and receive compliments.
How to compliment men
The key word here is "speak". Contrary to popular belief that the way to a man's heart lies through the stomach (and women, as we remember, love with their ears), it is rather about the strong half of humanity that we can say that they love with their ears. Praise, compliments and even, to be honest, flattery are deeply loved by men. Only - shh! They will never admit it.
Yes, men should be complimented. And maybe more. Thus, you will please your man, show that he is special for you. And believe me, you yourself will benefit from it! “Darling, last week you washed your mug like that after drinking water, just a feast for the eyes. Can you also wash all the dishes wonderfully now? ” "Darling, you are good father! You take such good care of our son, yesterday you patted him on the head. Walk with him, please."
Of course, it’s not worth cutting off the shoulder at all. The compliment should still be believable, you should not stoop to rude flattery. If you tell a skinny man how athletic he is, it will seem strange, to say the least. don't invent something that doesn't exist. And only compliment sincerely. If you really like a colleague's new tie, tell him about it. But don't praise your boss's tie just because it's the boss. And then in the office cafeteria, talking about "those creepy colorful polka dots."
Don't "suck" compliments out of your finger. If I tell you in this moment nothing, just shut up. Do not set yourself the goal of praising a man at all costs. You should not reinvent the wheel: "Nikolai, you have a surprisingly elegant skull shape." This will only confuse the man, and he will avoid you in the future.
If compliments for women are mainly addressed to their appearance and cause a surge of narcissism, then for men they are a signal for action. Therefore, before releasing the “arrow”, set it in the right direction. To do this, try to find out as much as possible about your man's hobbies. Do not make empty generalizations, pay attention to specific details.
Psychologists say that men should be praised deservedly, avoiding vague phrases with vague overtones: “You are so extraordinary today,” otherwise they will respond to you with sarcasm or wariness. If you don’t know where to start, play on your “instincts” - you won’t miss. Having seized the moment, frankly notice how courageous, reliable, sexy he is. However, if your man is smart and insightful, it's better to admire his intellectual achievements.
If you are interested in his activities, encourage him in moments of failure, actively discuss topics that are attractive to him, laugh at his jokes, listen carefully and patiently to his thoughts, emphasize his significance in the eyes of society and in yours personally - this will be a real compliment for him. And you will become not only a true friend, confidant, but also the most desired and the only one.
To win a man's attention, compliment him not too often, but in a timely manner and from the heart, avoiding ironic praise. Focus on his positive qualities or even a faint hint of their presence. And then any, the most ordinary man, will inevitably turn into your prince.
How to compliment a friend
Alas, it can be extremely difficult to get pleasant words from a man - very often they do not understand why you need to talk about your charm and beauty all the time.
In view of this, compliments from a girlfriend can become a compensation for the lack of compliments from the stronger sex, because they are just as pleasant.
Are you embarrassed when someone compliments you? Do you feel like you don't deserve any praise? Do you want to say something justifying in order to diminish your merits? If the answers to the above questions are yes, it means that you do not know how to properly accept compliments.
This fact may be due to low self-esteem, or the fact that you do not believe in the sincerity of a compliment, or are afraid to be in the spotlight, and fear that you are being manipulated. But by accepting a compliment incorrectly, you can thereby offend the person who decided to give it to you.
Marina, a bank employee, 29 years old: “90% of people I know answer a compliment: “No, no, it’s not about me ...” It even becomes somehow offensive, I noticed something good, told a person about it, and he begins to refuse or justify himself.
On the other hand, people who pompously respond to praise, “Yes, I am. This compliment did not reveal anything new to me, ”also do not cause much respect.
So how to respond to compliments correctly, so as not to belittle your dignity, and not offend your interlocutor?
Remember how children emotionally react to praise, how they rejoice at it, how proud they are, begin to clarify and ask to repeat pleasant words, because compliments motivate them to new achievements.
These emotions are so pure, so sincere, that you want to praise the baby on occasion again and again. Of course, this does not mean that you need to react just as violently to compliments in adulthood, but it is worth learning from children about openness in this matter.
The ideal response to a compliment is a sincere smile (not a grin!) And restrained words of gratitude: “Thank you”, “Thank you”. In some cases, a more open response may be appropriate: “Really, did you notice? So glad. Thank you!". Moreover, if the interlocutor is not interested in the details of the subject of the compliment, you should not start sharing them.
For example, in response to a colleague's compliment: “Very nice color of the shirt, one of my favorites”, you should not indulge in explanations: “Yes, it is not new. Bought a hundred years ago in a vintage shop. Yesterday I was just sorting through the clothes in the closet and accidentally stumbled upon it. You know, the smell was still the same! It sounds, of course, funny, but in most cases we, without noticing it, respond to compliments in a similar way. Think about how the person on whom you splash all this feels at this moment? Agree that in the above case, it would be much more appropriate to just smile affably and thank a colleague for the nice words addressed to you.
And, of course, one should not frantically look for a response compliment in the spirit of such praise in the spirit: “You also look nothing today. White color refreshes you." Such phrases sound quite insincere. It is better to reward the interlocutor with a compliment another time, when the right opportunity turns up.
Interesting fact. Did you know that by generously giving compliments to others, you save yourself from such a harmful feeling as envy.
If it seems to you that the compliment addressed to you is clearly exaggerated, still do not refuse it. Think about the fact that the person who makes it to you has the right to their own subjective opinion, and it may be different from yours. So why not take this compliment? Especially since it's in your favor.
But asking for compliments is already a bad form. Consider that the color of your dress, which you think is trendy, may not suit you at all. The surrounding people will correctly keep silent about this, but your phrase “Well, how do you like my new dress?” can put them in a difficult position. They will have to quickly make a choice between lying or the prospect of offending you. So it's better to wait for praise than to ask for it.
Also remember that many people experience psychological awkwardness while receiving a compliment. To help a person correctly and comfortably accept the compliment you made, supplement it with a verbal “bridge”: “What is your beautiful colour shirts! Where did you buy this one?" Thus, your interlocutor will be pleased with your words, and at the same time he will not feel discomfort, since you yourself asked him the direction of the answer.
When we accept compliments, we balance between letting it pass our ears and turning our noses up too much at the praise we receive. As in any business, here it is worth sticking to the golden mean.
You have the right to enjoy compliments and deserve them, and the people who give them have the right to evaluate your achievements and speak out about it!
Each of us wants to be admired by those around her, we all need recognition. However, only a few know how to accept compliments: most are embarrassed, blush, begin to make excuses or praise the person in response. Why can't we accept praise?
Wrong settings
At the heart of our difficult attitude to compliments are beliefs that appeared in our childhood: attitudes and rules that were inspired by our parents.
"Boasting is ugly"
WITH light hand parents, we believe that it is unacceptable to talk about our achievements, because this is boasting that does not color us. Are you familiar with this reaction to compliments? “This is just a good dress! In fact, you need to lose weight for a long time. ” Never make excuses when you hear praise in your address!
"You are no better than anyone else"
This belief creates low self-esteem in us. We stop noticing even our strengths, we try to be no different from other people. We admire anyone, but not our achievements.
"Flattery is selfish"
From childhood we were taught that sucking up is not good. Any praise or compliments can be insincere, because if a person praises you, then he needs something. Thus, we perceive a compliment as a way to manipulate and therefore immediately look for a catch.
"An eye for an eye"
If a person does something nice for you, gives you a gift or compliments you, you simply have to respond to him in the same way. Not knowing how to give compliments, we find ourselves in an awkward position: if we were given an expensive gift, we think that in return we should be presented with the same one.
Express Diagnostics
Test yourself, can you accept compliments?
You get embarrassed every time you receive a compliment.
You get the feeling that you don't deserve praise.
You want to say something exculpatory in order to diminish your merits.
Hearing praise in your address, you indulge in explanations.
You pretend that you didn’t hear a compliment, or you move the conversation to another topic as quickly as possible.
Frantically looking for something nice to say in response.
You laugh it off when a person admires you.
You start criticizing yourself publicly.
If most of the statements are about you, then urgently learn to accept compliments. First of all, start praising yourself! Every evening celebrate your successes for the day and say nice words to yourself - and then your self-esteem will increase, and someone else's praise will not be perceived by you as undeserved or selfish.
The art of accepting compliments
1 Do not make excuses. Don't belittle your accomplishments by denying praise. And don't try to explain how you managed to look so good or get things done unless you're asked about it.
2 When someone says something nice to you, smile sincerely. The smile should not be forced and forced. And don't let yourself smirk or giggle back.
3 Don't turn up your nose. Do not make a pompous appearance and start praising yourself even more. An experienced person will immediately understand that you are doing this out of embarrassment. Or decides not to compliment you next time.
4 Don't ignore praise. Even if the compliment sounded unexpected and embarrassed you, don't pretend you didn't hear it. It is clear that you are unaccustomed to embarrassing, but the man wanted to please you! Need to appreciate.
5 Always give thanks. Even if you know that you are being flattered, don't show it! Let lies remain on the conscience of flatterers. With dignity, say in response: “Thank you, I am very pleased to hear that.”
6 Don't look for subtext. Even if the compliment sounded ambiguous or strange, do not think for the interlocutor. Maybe he just worded it poorly? Don't be pretentious.
! Remember. You have the right to enjoy compliments and deserve them. And the people who make them have the right to appreciate your merits and say so!
