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Ellen Fein, Sherry Schneider New Rules. Secrets of successful relationships for modern girls

Ellen Fein, Sherry Schneider

New rules. Secrets of successful relationships for modern girls

We are not licensed psychologists, psychiatrists or social workers, And Rules We are not conceived as a replacement for psychological counseling. This is simply a philosophy of personal life based on our own experience and the experience of thousands of women who have turned to us for advice and help.

Chapter I Why We Wrote This Book

Does it happen that your mother or another relative, friend or acquaintance is perplexed: “Oh, you are so beautiful, smart and sweet - why don’t you have a boyfriend?” And you seem to be speechless, because you also cannot explain this and do not understand what your mistakes in the field of dating and personal life are.

Today women can do everything - graduate educational establishments with honors, climb corporate ladders, and even run for president of the United States. But to make a man invite you to meet or take on any obligations is an almost impossible task! Alas, we know why most beautiful, smart and pleasant women do not have their “half”: they either chase men themselves or show excessive enthusiasm when they make the first move!

So our Rules- this is such a way of communicating with any man (provided that he first started a conversation with you, in person or on the Internet), thanks to which he becomes obsessed with you and is ready for a serious relationship.

Yes, it's all about getting your own worth: men love difficulties and lose interest when the object of this interest - and especially a woman - gets them too easily.

Our book became an instant bestseller and was translated into 27 languages because men are the same all over the world! We have visited almost all radio and television programs, preaching our "gospel of the hard-to-reach". We launched our phone and email consulting business and created the free Rules Network, helping thousands of women set and maintain their boundaries in courtship to boost self-esteem, find love, and get married.

Now we want to help you succeed in your personal life too by dedicating our time-tested secrets that are applicable in all situations, no matter what you deal with - SMS messages, Facebook, instant messengers or Skype. Follow our rules in communicating with any man in any circumstances, and your efforts will pay off handsomely: you will get a guy who is crazy about you!

Are you tired of men texting you, following you on Twitter or texting you on Facebook but not asking you to date?

Have you heard of the Rules but have little idea how to apply their secrets to today's technology?

Are you fed up with casual hookups, "just sex" and being alone on Sundays and Valentine's Day?

Do you wonder how women who aren't nearly as beautiful, smart, or cute as you are getting married and you can't seem to get it?

Do you suspect that you are doing something wrong, but have no idea what exactly is wrong?

If your answer to any of these questions turned out to be yes, then you are reading exactly the book that you need! We wrote it because getting and keeping a guy isn't taught in high school, college, or even graduate school. Women, young and old, including our clients and acquaintances, begged us to write another book that would touch on more recent forms of communication. Even mothers of young girls have written to us asking how they can help their daughters!

We are not licensed psychologists, psychiatrists or social workers, and Rules We are not conceived as a replacement for psychological counseling. This is simply a philosophy of personal life based on our own experience and the experience of thousands of women who have turned to us for advice and help.

PSYCHOLOGICAL BEST SELLERS

Right to left. Why do people cheat and is it possible to avoid cheating

Why do people change? What makes them start second families and develop complex schemes leading a double life? Esther Perel, a practicing psychotherapist, has worked with hundreds of infidelity couples over the course of 10 years. Her book is a comprehensive study of the desire that arises when looking at the side.

Act like a woman, think like a man. Why men love, but do not marry, and other secrets of the stronger sex

Only a man can decipher the behavior of other men and suggest how to act correctly in various situations. Millions of women around the world trusted Steve Harvey in this matter. Funny and honest, this book is about what men really think about relationships with women.

Smart Wife Rules. You're either right or you're married

Many women manage to catch a man, but how many of them are happily married? In this book, you will find 40 rules necessary to maintain harmony and understanding in marriage. You will receive answers to all your questions, learn how to successfully overcome any conflicts, find a compromise in any dispute and just be a happy couple.

You don't know anything about men

Steve Harvey continues to reveal men's secrets. What to expect from a man when he is 20, 30, 40, 50 years old and more? What to do in a situation where you have been together for a long time, but he still does not make an offer? How to achieve harmony in bed, in the kitchen and in the family budget? The book provides honest answers to these and many other important questions.

Chapter I
Why We Wrote This Book

Today, women can do anything - graduate with honors, climb corporate ladders, and even run for president of the United States. But to make a man invite you to meet or take on any obligations is an almost impossible task! Alas, we know why most beautiful, smart and pleasant women do not have their “half”: they either chase men themselves or show excessive enthusiasm when they make the first move!

This is how the whole story with the Rules began: twenty years ago, with the company of five friends, we dined at a Chinese restaurant on the Upper East Side in New York - the atmosphere is exactly like in Sex and the City (that's just this series then it was not in sight).

So our Rules- this is a way of communicating with any man (provided that he first started a conversation with you, in person or on the Internet), thanks to which he becomes obsessed with you and is ready for a serious relationship.

Yes, it’s all about getting your own worth: men love challenges and lose interest when the object of that interest—and especially a woman—gets too easy for them.

Our book became an instant bestseller and was translated into 27 languages because men are the same all over the world! We visited almost every radio and television program, preaching our “gospel of the hard-to-reach.” We launched our phone and email consulting business and created the free Rules Network, helping thousands of women set and maintain their boundaries in courtship to boost self-esteem, find love, and get married.

Are you tired of men texting you, following you on Twitter or texting you on Facebook but not asking you to date?

Have you heard of the Rules but have little idea how to apply their secrets to today's technology?

Are you fed up with casual hookups, "just sex" and being alone on Sundays and Valentine's Day?

Do you wonder how women who aren't nearly as beautiful, smart, or cute as you are getting married and you can't seem to get it?

Do you suspect that you are doing something wrong, but have no idea what exactly is wrong?

We've created this updated version of The Rules to tell women how to win the heart of Mr. What-To in the new world of dating and love. But the fact is that the old Rules are still in play! We urge you to read or at least review the first edition in addition to this one - some of it may seem a little dated to you, but the spirit remains the same. Of course, in 2014, nuances appeared, the existence of which in 1995 was out of the question! We have included in the text of this book a number of Rules that appeared in our previous book. 1
Main book of authors: E. Fein and S. Schneider. Rules. How to marry the man of your dreams. – M.: Eksmo, 2013.

But they made updates to them that correspond to today's world of dating. In addition, we have compiled a small guide to the most important Rules to remember - "Twenty Rules, which it is not harmful to repeat."

But before you can follow the Rules, you must understand that men and women are different. This statement may come as a bit of a shock, since you've been brought up with the notion that they're equal and that women can do whatever they want. Yes, we can become doctors and lawyers and earn as much money as men, run a marathon and get elected to prominent positions in politics! All this may be true - but women cannot play the role of hunters in romantic relationships without the risk of eventually being rejected, offended, or even inconsolable.

In a romantic sense, men and women are not the same. They need a challenge, and we need security. You know, one of the men we interviewed while researching this book said, “I could never be a woman—you talk too much about relationships!” lol! This is true. A girl receives an SMS or an email from a man she likes and immediately sends it to her five girlfriends “for analysis”. The guy gets a text, thinks about it for a second or less, and then continues to watch football. Long live differences!

Here's another thing you need to understand: men are very visual and can't be attracted to a girl just because she's cute, smart, or funny. They instantly understand if they like a woman. It may sound unpleasant, but physical attractiveness for a guy is everything.

He will never be able to love your soul if he does not love your appearance, so your attempts to initiate contact are a waste of time.

You may not be "his type" and he will eventually leave you for a girl who he is physically attracted to. And vice versa: although every woman also has her own type, she is able to gradually fall in love with a cheerful or successful man. But for a guy, this is simply unrealistic! Girls are more emotional about love, and a fan can conquer them with his personality, while most men are simply not able to ignore appearance. Here is another difference in the "device" of women and men!

Knowing these differences between the sexes will help you keep the Rules (gain your worth), because that's the secret way to get a guy: be a difficult task for him. A man can easily get bored, and if you want to be a desirable "prey" for him, do not show much interest in him. Treat him almost the same as you would treat a guy you don't care about! As we wrote in our previous book, don't talk to a man first, don't ask him out, don't accept last-minute dates, don't date him too often, and don't date him endlessly without commitment. Here are the main rules for the dating world!

So why did the New Rules appear and why did they appear right now? Facebook, text messaging, and other social technologies have made it virtually impossible for women to be elusive and mysterious. Any of them is inseparable from her cell phone, and men can reach her in the morning, afternoon and evening. Where can I play hard to get here! The question is, how can a woman keep the Rules in these new circumstances?

We were talking to a new client who had recently graduated from college, and the girl complained about how difficult it was to follow the Rules now that we were all so easily accessible. She said that she had already learned not to call men and not to date them. And the Rules for Online Dating helped her learn not to contact a guy by looking at his profile or responding to any emoji. But SMS, Facebook, Twitter and Skype confused her. She wasn't sure the Rules applied to them, and if they did, how? She has so many questions! Is it okay to text a guy first? If you have to wait before replying to his message, how long, and after what moment, does a proper pause turn into ordinary rudeness? Are there new Rules for all these innovations? You know, she said, technology has changed a lot since your previous books came out: now girls do not get out of text messages and see nothing wrong with “friending” guys and “tweeting” on Twitter all day long. So what will all this mean for a girl who follows the Rules?

Then another client called with similar questions, then another, and another, and then our own daughters and their friends started asking us the same questions. Then it dawned on us that we would have to deal with new problems - we knew that we had to write this book! Now everything is different, the pace of life has accelerated - and how can the Rules be applied in such conditions?

We remember how then, in 1995, readers who called themselves feminists scoffed at the proposal not to call men and rarely call them back. And now not calling men first is considered the norm!

Although this book is written for a new generation, nothing has changed in what women expect from relationships. Each of us wants to have reason to believe that the guy loves you for who you are and will take care of you. The rules still apply!

We made the final decision to take on this book when 26-year-old Heather wrote to us about what she considered a life-changing encounter. The day before, she met a very nice guy in an upscale bar. The next day, before five in the evening, he managed to send her three SMS. It made an impression on us. As many as three?! “Yes, I lost my phone,” Heather explained. “And when I found him after work the next day, I found three messages from this guy. First: “Hi, this is Corey, we met yesterday, which makes me very happy. Answer me when you get a chance." Second: "Are you busy tonight?" Third: "Are you free this weekend?" I can't believe he asked me out on a date so soon! He seems to really like me!”

We recommended Heather to answer him that evening: “Hi, nice to meet you too. This weekend is a great idea!” She should not was to explain to him that she had lost her phone. In this case, Corey could conclude that she had a lot of things to do besides him, and get used to the idea that he would have to catch her and arrange meetings. If you answer a new acquaintance right away, he will decide that this will continue, and the delight of hunting will disappear.

If Heather hadn't lost her phone, she and Corey would probably have been texting all day long. This might have bothered him, and he would hardly have asked her to meet so soon. But the lack of instant access was unusual for him and made him act quickly. The guy's feelings towards Heather were no longer a mystery to her, and she didn't have to guess how he felt, nor wonder why the SMS marathon race didn't lead to a date! What the New Rules can do for you is akin to periodically “losing” your phone for a couple of hours. This will help you create an atmosphere of mystery and make the guy crave meeting you, which is a rarity these days.

In addition, we felt compelled to write this book for another reason. Many women who used The Rules to get married 20 years ago want to see their girlfriends, sisters, and nieces in healthy relationships (or at least make sure that men don't hurt them unnecessarily). They want other women to experience the same happiness that they have found by respecting their boundaries and not dropping their self-esteem in relationships with men. Older women who have been divorced and are now trying to arrange their personal lives again, or those who have never had right relationship, often call us, complaining about the confusion when they have to deal with e-mail, SMS and other new technologies. We would like to help them solve these problems.

In addition, many mothers are nervous (understandably!), not knowing how to feel about their daughters' personal lives, and feeling helpless or out of touch (“She never tells me anything!”). We wrote this book for them too, including a special chapter in which we suggest how to gently help daughters adhere to the Rules. Our Rules for Moms will help encourage young girls to tell them their secrets and ask for advice instead of cutting the older generation out of their lives. We hope that this book will help strengthen solidarity for all women, and especially for daughters and mothers!

Remember, The Rules are an ageless, timeless recipe for romance. Follow them and you'll get a guy who's crazy about you. Break them and you'll have a broken heart.

Whether you're 18, 28, or 48 years old, we believe all the answers to your dating and courtship questions can be found in this book.

Not sure how to act or how to dress for a date? Read Rule #1 and Rule #2 on how to be and look like a “Girl Different”. Not sure when and how to text a guy? See Rule #6 for our tried and true "response schedule". Wondering whether to pay the dinner bill in half, or how long to Skype, or what to write to the guy on his “wall”? Read the chapters on not buying his love (Rule #19), long distance relationships (Rule #15), and Facebook (Rule #10). We have already written about all this! In addition, we have included special comments from our daughters who grew up with The Rules and can help you apply them to the characteristics of the younger generation and the latest technologies. Sometimes 20-year-olds understand better than older people what is happening to their peers. We felt it was essential that our daughters bring to the book their unique perspective on the dating challenges their age group faces.

If you want to receive maximum benefit from this book, don't just look at it once - read it and re-read it over and over again. Study it like a textbook. You may even find it necessary to underline individual sentences that will help you memorize each Rule. You may decide to meet regularly with other right-minded friends to brainstorm this book and review your personal problems and our answers: because together we are strong! Perhaps you will find it necessary to snatch a couple of the most desired pages and put them in your bag to skim through them in the "ladies' room" during dates.

So, without delaying things, we present to you “New Rules. Secrets of successful relationships for modern girls!

Chapter II
Right daughters about the benefits of the Rules

Would we be good girls if our mothers hadn't written this book? Of course yes! Does this mean that we never disagree or argue with them? Of course not. Our mothers never forced this style of behavior on us in our personal lives, but we both support traditional values and believe that old-fashioned courtship has not lost its position even today.

Guys should always be the first to seek girls - it works.

The fact that our moms wrote The Rules only adds to our knowledge of the subject, that's all. We ourselves were convinced more than once that girls who hunt for guys (as in real life, as in television programs and films) do not feel very good about themselves and as a result usually find themselves resentful or abandoned.

Our generation can be said to have grown up on SMS, Facebook, Skype, Gchat, Twitter and a whole bunch of other social networks. We know that all this instant communication has made the world of dating and courtship even more complicated and confusing. However, we have seen girls make serious mistakes by scribbling all over a guy's Facebook wall, bombarding him with tweets, bombarding him with text messages 24/7, and even personally observed several severe cases of stickiness that are guaranteed not to end in anything good.

We all know what it's like to fall head over heels in love with some guy and find yourself unable to get him out of your head. Obviously, that's why all the girls only talk about dating and falling in love! Invest your time well and take care of school, work, friends, hobbies, sports, clubbing - not just the guys. Do something that will make you proud of yourself.

Throughout the pages of this book, you will meet our statements on topics that our mothers know worse than us. You will find advice in them: how to resist and not send SMS to a guy; how to behave when your boyfriend goes to study abroad; How are things with Foursquare? 2
foursquare- social network with the function of geolocation, designed mainly to work with mobile devices.

; how to invite to a birthday party using Facebook and much more! Our mothers, faced with all this, would not even know where to start!

The sooner you begin to study and practice the Rules, the better. We have already seen a lot of broken hearts in our lifetime and would not want one of them to be yours!

Ellen Fein, Sherry Schneider

New rules. Secrets of successful relationships for modern girls

We are not licensed psychologists, psychiatrists or social workers, and Rules We are not conceived as a replacement for psychological counseling. This is simply a philosophy of personal life based on our own experience and the experience of thousands of women who have turned to us for advice and help.

Why We Wrote This Book

So our Rules- this is a way of communicating with any man (provided that he first started a conversation with you, in person or on the Internet), thanks to which he becomes obsessed with you and is ready for a serious relationship.

Yes, it’s all about getting your own worth: men love challenges and lose interest when the object of that interest—and especially a woman—gets too easy for them.

Are you tired of men texting you, following you on Twitter or texting you on Facebook but not asking you to date?

Have you heard of the Rules but have little idea how to apply their secrets to today's technology?

Are you fed up with casual hookups, "just sex" and being alone on Sundays and Valentine's Day?

Do you wonder how women who aren't nearly as beautiful, smart, or cute as you are getting married and you can't seem to get it?

Do you suspect that you are doing something wrong, but have no idea what exactly is wrong?

We've created this updated version of The Rules to tell women how to win the heart of Mr. What-To in the new world of dating and love. But the fact is that the old Rules are still in play! We urge you to read or at least review the first edition in addition to this one - some of it may seem a little dated to you, but the spirit remains the same. Of course, in 2014, nuances appeared, the existence of which in 1995 was out of the question! We have included in the text of this book a number of Rules that appeared in our previous book, but we have made updates to them that correspond to today's world of dating. In addition, we have compiled a small guide to the most important Rules to remember - "Twenty Rules that do not hurt to repeat."

He will never be able to love your soul if he does not love your appearance, so your attempts to initiate contact are a waste of time.

Current page: 1 (total book has 18 pages) [accessible reading excerpt: 5 pages]

Ellen Fein, Sherry Schneider
New rules. Secrets of successful relationships for modern girls

We are not licensed psychologists, psychiatrists or social workers, and Rules We are not conceived as a replacement for psychological counseling. This is simply a philosophy of personal life based on our own experience and the experience of thousands of women who have turned to us for advice and help.

Chapter I
Why We Wrote This Book

So our Rules- this is a way of communicating with any man (provided that he first started a conversation with you, in person or on the Internet), thanks to which he becomes obsessed with you and is ready for a serious relationship.

Yes, it’s all about getting your own worth: men love challenges and lose interest when the object of that interest—and especially a woman—gets too easy for them.

Are you tired of men texting you, following you on Twitter or texting you on Facebook but not asking you to date?

Have you heard of the Rules but have little idea how to apply their secrets to today's technology?

Are you fed up with casual hookups, "just sex" and being alone on Sundays and Valentine's Day?

Do you wonder how women who aren't nearly as beautiful, smart, or cute as you are getting married and you can't seem to get it?

Do you suspect that you are doing something wrong, but have no idea what exactly is wrong?

But they made updates to them that correspond to today's world of dating. In addition, we have compiled a small guide to the most important Rules to remember - "Twenty Rules that do not hurt to repeat."

He will never be able to love your soul if he does not love your appearance, so your attempts to initiate contact are a waste of time.

We remember how then, in 1995, readers who called themselves feminists scoffed at the proposal not to call men and rarely call them back. And now not calling men first is considered the norm!

We made the final decision to take on this book when 26-year-old Heather wrote to us about what she considered a life-changing encounter. The day before, she met a very nice guy in an upscale bar. The next day, before five in the evening, he managed to send her three SMS. It made an impression on us. As many as three?! “Yes, I lost my phone,” Heather explained. “And when I found him after work the next day, I found three messages from this guy. First: “Hi, this is Corey, we met yesterday, which makes me very happy. Answer me when you get a chance." Second: "Are you busy tonight?" Third: "Are you free this weekend?" I can't believe he asked me out on a date so soon! He seems to really like me!”

We recommended Heather to answer him that evening: “Hi, nice to meet you too. This weekend is a great idea!” She should not was to explain to him that she had lost her phone. In this case, Corey could conclude that she had a lot of things to do besides him, and get used to the idea that he would have to catch her and arrange meetings. If you answer a new acquaintance right away, he will decide that this will continue, and the delight of hunting will disappear.

In addition, we felt compelled to write this book for another reason. Many women who used The Rules to get married 20 years ago want to see their girlfriends, sisters, and nieces in healthy relationships (or at least make sure that men don't hurt them unnecessarily). They want other women to experience the same happiness that they have found by respecting their boundaries and not dropping their self-esteem in relationships with men. Older women who have been divorced and are now trying to get their love life back together, or those who have never been in the right relationship, often call us complaining about the confusion of having to deal with email, SMS, and other new technologies. We would like to help them solve these problems.

Remember, The Rules are an ageless, timeless recipe for romance. Follow them and you'll get a guy who's crazy about you. Break them and you'll have a broken heart.

Whether you're 18, 28, or 48 years old, we believe all the answers to your dating and courtship questions can be found in this book.

If you want to get the most out of this book, don't just skim through it once—read it and reread it over and over again. Study it like a textbook. You may even find it necessary to underline individual sentences that will help you memorize each Rule. You may decide to meet regularly with other right-minded friends to collectively discuss this book and consider your personal problems and our answers: because together we are strong! You may find it necessary to tear out a couple of the most important pages and put them in your bag so you can quickly skim through them in the "ladies' room" during dates.

So, without delaying things, we present to you “New Rules. Secrets of successful relationships for modern girls!

Chapter II
Right daughters about the benefits of the Rules

Guys should always be the first to seek girls - it works.

The fact that our moms wrote The Rules only adds to our knowledge of the subject, that's all. We have seen for ourselves many times that girls who chase guys (both in real life and in TV programs and films) do not feel too good about themselves and as a result usually find themselves offended or abandoned.

Throughout the pages of this book, you will meet our statements on topics that our mothers know worse than us. You will find advice in them: how to resist and not send SMS to a guy; how to behave when your boyfriend goes to study abroad; How are things with Foursquare? 2
Foursquare is a location-based social network primarily designed for mobile devices.

; how to invite to a birthday party using Facebook and much more! Our mothers, faced with all this, would not even know where to start!

The sooner you begin to study and practice the Rules, the better. We have already seen a lot of broken hearts in our lifetime and would not want one of them to be yours!

Chapter III
"Hug Your Daughter" and others Rules for moms

If you're reading this chapter, you're probably wondering how to help your daughter with her personal life—no matter how old she is. You are a significant part of this book because you can influence your daughter in a way that no one else can! During consultations, we often ask our clients: “What does your mother think about this relationship?”, Because we value the opinions and views of mothers. Perhaps you were trying to help your daughter by giving her a copy of The Rules. Maybe you tried to teach her by your example, behaving correctly in your own relationships with men. Mothers often write to us or schedule consultations for their daughters. Many people are frustrated when their daughter breaks the Rules or acts outrageously, or how her friend treats her, and sometimes they are worried about her lack of a boyfriend. But, as in all other situations, mothers often have to wait until their daughters are ready to listen to them. We tell these women the same thing we tell all our other clients: for the Rules to help, the girls must want to use them, and in addition, trust their mothers to guide them on the right path.

The first and most important thing you can do to help your daughter is to take care of her. We have interviewed hundreds of young women and have come to the conclusion that those who engage in promiscuity or indulge in sexual excess did so because they did not receive enough attention, love, or approval while they were growing up.

As part of our private counseling program, we conducted childhood and personal history sessions and were shocked to find out how many of our clients with privacy problems grew up with overly demanding or withdrawn mothers! Such mothers rarely hug their daughters, skimp on sweet Nothing or praise or just constantly busy and spend little time at home. These childhood clients of ours lacked bedtime stories, fussing with homemade cookies, or pats on the back. Some mothers resented the very fact of having to work full time and raise their daughters at the same time, and they treated the children as a burden or an annoying nuisance. Others went through a difficult period in their own personal lives, whether it was a divorce, a serious illness or other problems, and were not capable of more. However, we believe that many of our clients would grow up to be much happier people if their mothers showered them with praise and love.

Gillian, 33, who recently discovered Rules told us that her mother was so emotionally uninterested in her that the girl never felt wanted or attractive. During college and later, between her 20s and 30s, she was flattered by the slightest attention from unavailable men, whether it was a married boss or guys who never asked her out on dates. She showed little or no interest in men who really liked, but was obsessed with those who did not like it. We spent many hours helping her overcome the consequences of her mother's indifference and teaching her our motto - "love only those who love you." We suggested that she join a support group so she can connect with others. correct girls who would care about her situation and put an end to negative patterns in her personal life. We emailed her links to stores. beautiful clothes and advice on how to behave on dates. Finally, Gillian, who had decided a few years earlier not to deal with men, signed up on a dating site and began going to clubs and parties. Now she is in serious relationship with the person who spoke to her first and every day begins with a text message sent to her: “ Good morning, gorgeous!"

If you are a mother who has been too busy to pay attention to her daughter (for whatever reason) and you feel like she has lost her way or is about to lose her way, your method is love, love and more love! All you need is love! 3
The Beatles song "All you need is love!".

If she lives at home, start hugging her today and do it daily, from now on. It's never too late to show your affection! Stroke her on the back, comb her hair, kiss her on the cheek - daughters need to be "clucked" over them.

Hug your daughter - this is a guarantee that the girl will not look for love where it is not necessary.

She will certainly receive her share of affection either from you or from some stranger. So let it be you! Yes, physical contact is really that important. We understand that you are busy, torn between work and cleaning, paying bills and checking email on your cell phone. But it only takes one minute to text your daughter in the middle of the day. Dine together, go to the movies for a female comedy or go shopping! Everyone is busy, everyone has a to-do list, no one has a free minute, but if you don't carve it out for your daughter now, she'll have plenty of time to get into trouble later. It's never too late to be a good mom!

What do you do when she's not around? If she's attending college in another city, ask her to pick a weekend or weekday when she's not too busy with work and visit her. Invite her girlfriends over for dinner to get to know them better - this will help you understand her better. If she works, choose a shared day off where you could have a "girl day" just for the two of you. Don't beg or "load" her when she can't make time: the mere assurance that you want it will help her feel that you care about her.

If you are a single mother, it may seem that your love alone is not enough. Do not worry about it! A child can be happy even with one loving parent. Our client had a pathologically irascible father who never said a kind word to her, but her mother showered her with compliments and kisses. Now she is married to a man who never tires of telling her how beautiful she is! Don't think your daughter is in a win-win situation because you are her only loving parent. Everything depends on you.

By the way, if you want your daughter to maintain her self-esteem in relationships with men, act in accordance with what you preach! In addition to following the Rules, this means not introducing her to every Tom, Dick or Harry you meet. Wait until you are in a serious, committed, and exclusive relationship before introducing your daughter to any man. Keep the first meeting brief, and lengthen subsequent ones gradually.

Remember that young women can be vulnerable and emotionally dependent. They should be given attention so that they do not feel rejected or abandoned to their fate. Putting your boyfriend first at the expense of your daughter is a terrible mistake. This balance puzzle is not easy to solve, but you must find a way to make your child feel loved.

At the same time, exercise restraint. If your daughter is in her 25s or 30s and you don't like the way she dresses or the men she dates, be careful not to criticize her too harshly. Then she is much more likely to come to you when she needs help. If she decides that you are judgmental or overprotective, she will rebel or become secretive. Once your daughter has reached a certain age, your ability to control is severely limited, so be careful.

We are all familiar with mothers who are overly involved in their children's lives. They live the lives of their daughters instead of themselves, wanting to see them as beauty pageant queens or the most popular girls in school. And sometimes they “friend” friends of both sexes or boyfriends of their daughters on Facebook, although the girls have repeatedly asked them not to do this. Such examples of overprotectiveness, obsession and excessive attention are also unhealthy phenomena. Being an "agent" mom or a friend mom is better than being an indifferent mom, but these options can also have unwanted payoffs. A teenage girl needs you to love her, not to train her to get top marks in school, or put on long false eyelashes, or be the captain of the cheerleading team. Is this what she wants? She has to make her own decisions and make her own mistakes. The best thing you can do is take care of her when she needs you: give advice, comfort, rejoice with her. But this is her life. If she grows up too fast, there will be a hole in her soul that will have to be filled with failed relationships.

Our Rules from this chapter apply equally to both moms and dads. To be honest, every father wants his daughter to be the right girl! He wants her in her personal life not to lose self-respect, not to chase guys and not be led by animal instincts. What father would want his daughter to hang around the neck of a guy 24 hours a day or sleep with anyone! We had female college clients who told us that their fathers bought them The Rules or paid for consultations with us. We know that dads care about who and how their daughters meet, and so this chapter is for them as well. We have talked to many fathers and sincerely felt that they could help us in compiling the "Rules"!

One dad taught his twenty-year-old daughter this way: “Don’t call the guys yourself, don’t chase them. And since he's coming to pick you up at our house, I need to get to know him! A guy has to look me in the eyes, and if he doesn't, then he has something to hide.

Of course, not all fathers are so active and eloquent, and not all girls want them to be like that! However, they could help their daughters keep the Rules by giving them this book and by treating the women in their lives with love and respect. We have friends happy husbands who told their daughters: “Just follow the example of mommy. I dated many women, but she made me marry her!”

We do not propose to intimidate daughters to correct behavior, convincing them that "all men need only one thing," or playing impregnable and tough judges. Dads, remember you need your daughter to be able to talk to you if she doesn't know what to do or is in trouble. Help her get her life together now, and then you can breathe a sigh of relief as you proudly walk her down the aisle on her wedding day!

Moms and dads, if you want to help your daughter maintain her self-esteem and avoid problems in her personal life, consider our suggestions:

Give her a copy of this book, as well as the first Rules. Many of you have told us that your mother gave you The Rules and you are trying to pass on these wise words to your daughters. But the girls read the book and ask: “What other answering machine? It's the last century! Everything is much tougher today.” Well, here's our answer to that objection: just tell her it's no use chasing guys, period. She either listens or she doesn't; but even if she did not use the Rules now, perhaps their time would come later.

Ellen Fein, Sherry Schneider

New rules. Secrets of successful relationships for modern girls

Why We Wrote This Book

Yes, it’s all about getting your own worth: men love challenges and lose interest when the object of that interest—and especially a woman—gets too easy for them.

Are you tired of men texting you, following you on Twitter or texting you on Facebook but not asking you to date?

Have you heard of the Rules but have little idea how to apply their secrets to today's technology?

Are you fed up with casual hookups, "just sex" and being alone on Sundays and Valentine's Day?

Do you wonder how women who aren't nearly as beautiful, smart, or cute as you are getting married and you can't seem to get it?

Do you suspect that you are doing something wrong, but have no idea what exactly is wrong?

We've created this updated version of The Rules to tell women how to win the heart of Mr. What-To in the new world of dating and love. But the fact is that the old Rules are still in play! We urge you to read or at least review the first edition in addition to this one - some of it may seem a little dated to you, but the spirit remains the same. Of course, in 2014, nuances appeared, the existence of which in 1995 was out of the question! We have included in the text of this book a number of the Rules that appeared in our previous book, but we have made updates to them that correspond to today's world of dating. In addition, we have compiled a small guide to the most important Rules to remember - "Twenty Rules that do not hurt to repeat."