My husband never protected me. What drives a man? Top 3 questions My husband doesn't protect me from my friends

From childhood, or rather from the moment of birth, the boy was explained what he must do in order to be a real man. He must be strong, not cry, be hardy, climb mountains, carry heavy bags, be able to stand up for himself, be an intercessor and protector for his family, his younger brothers and sisters. And all this was done in order to prepare him for male maturity. And having reached it, a man is primarily concerned with three questions: "Who is he? What does he do? How much does he earn?"

And until he resolves these three issues, serious relationship with women will remain somewhere on the periphery. As soon as he begins to resolve these issues and feel that his dreams are coming true, the man seems to acquire new life filled with energy. It inspires and inspires him. It is the solution of these three questions that gives a man the feeling that he has taken place in this life. He is a full name, does something, earns so much, and this so much should be enough to provide a decent standard of living for his family and children. It is in the male DNA to be the provider and protector. In his male world, he is evaluated by other men precisely on the basis of these indicators. Who is he, what does he do and how much does he earn.

And one moment. A man does not necessarily have to earn a lot now, but he must see that his dreams, plans and intentions are already being realized. He has already solved the first two questions - who he is, what he does, and this gives him the opportunity to go where he wants to be, and the money will come along the way.

Three signs of a man's love.

A man's love is not like a woman's. A woman in love is ready to do anything for the sake of the one whom she recognized, chose as her man. Women's love stands the test of time, logic and circumstances. Men are easier. If a man loves, he does three things:

Sign of a Man's Love #1: A MAN STATES.

Men are owners and if a man is in love, then the first thing he does is declares to everyone around - this is mine. This is "my girl", "my woman", "my baby". In other words, you will have a title - an official one that goes far beyond "this is my girlfriend" or "this is a name." This title is a way to notify everyone around you that he is proud to be around you and that he has plans for you. He sees himself in a long-term and sincere relationship with you and declares this publicly because he takes it seriously. And this could be the start of something special.

A man who calls you his also says unequivocally that he claims you - that you are his . Now he announces it to everyone. Any man who hears another man say "that's my woman" knows that all the games/tricks/plans/schemes he had with this pretty, sexy lady in front of him should be forgotten until he there won't be another unmarried woman, because another man declared out loud that "this one is mine, and she is not available for what you planned for her." This is the signal that men recognize and respect as the universal code for "no entry."

If you have been dating a man for three months and he still has not introduced you to his family or friends and introduces you simply by name, then most likely you are not included in his plans and he does not see you in his future.

If he introduces you as a girlfriend or just calls you by your first name, be sure that this is exactly what you are for him - no more than a girlfriend or a name. But as soon as he gives you any title - as soon as he lays claim to you in front of people who mean something to him, whether it's his son, sister or his boss - that's when you understand that your man is making a statement.

He declares his intentions towards you - and declares them to people who should know about it.

Sign of male love # 2: A MAN PROVIDES.

As soon as a man has claimed his rights to you and you have answered the same, he begins to earn his “bread and butter”. Simply put, a man who loves you will bring money into the house to ensure that you and the children have everything you need. Society has been telling men for thousands of years that our primary purpose is to support our families: no matter what happens, no matter how we feel, the people we love should not need anything. This is the essence of the male vocation - to be the breadwinner and breadwinner. It all comes down to this. If the ability to provide for loved ones financially or otherwise is in doubt, male pride suffers severely. The more a man is able to provide for his woman and his children, the more significant and complete he feels. It sounds too simple, but it's true.

He will make sure that you have everything and that you do not need anything. Because every pat on the back for bringing more money into the house, every kiss for giving money to buy groceries, every praise for keeping the house in order, increases his value as a man. That is why, if he is a real man, his responsibility to provide for his family will mean much more to him than satisfying his own needs. Men like to spend their money, but that pales in comparison to the desire to provide for loved ones, because all sorts of entertainment cannot make him straighten his shoulders in the way that it can. praise from the lips of a beloved woman. Consequently, everything he does will come down to trying to provide the woman he loves with everything he needs.

Moreover, a man can provide not only financially. Especially at first, if a man is truly passionate, then he becomes Mr. "I solve all problems." He carefully makes sure that everything is fine with you, that you are happy and satisfied. A man will gladly pay for you in a restaurant, buy movie tickets or make a pleasant surprise. Men love to feel needed. By the way, do not forget to be delighted and thank him when he does all this for you. Even in early childhood, the boy tries to make his mother happy, then the same mechanism is transferred to his girlfriend and wife. It is very important for a man to know that you are happy.

If a man loves, he will provide everything that is needed.

sign male love №3: A MAN PROTECTS.

When a man loves you, anyone who says, does, offers you something bad, or even just thinks of insulting you in some way, risks being destroyed. Your man will sweep away everything in his path to make sure that everyone who treated you disrespectfully pays for it. That is his nature. You can say about any man on this planet: no one can insult his family without paying for it, or at least without running into a serious fight.

That is what every man should do - and he is ready to do it - for the people he cares about. As soon as he declares that he cares about you, you become a valuable property for him, and he will do everything to protect his property. If he hears you arguing with the taxman, he will say: “Who are you with? Let me deal with him." If your ex is pestering you with calls, your man will put him in his place. If he sees that your children are out of hand, he will talk to them too. In other words, he will protect his family, because he knows that a real man is a protector. There is not a single real man who would not protect what is his. Because it's all about respect.

Moreover, protection is not only the use of brute physical force, loving man will not allow you to walk the dog late at night alone or hammer nails into the wall. He will save you, to the best of his ability, from all situations that one way or another considers dangerous for you.

An excerpt from "Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey.

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In this video, answers to many "Why ...?" And How...?" Why don't relationships work? Why does he leave after the first night? How to understand his true attitude towards you? And many other interesting and very useful information on the topic of relationships and male psychology.

An excerpt from Anna Chernova's speech at the Find and Accept Yourself 2.0 conference

Question to the psychologist:

Good afternoon!

Help, please, to understand the situation, which has been going on for 13 years. My husband and I met for 2 years before marriage and our relationship was perfect, with my mother-in-law were also good. Everything changed after the wedding, when they all began to live together in the mother-in-law's house. Especially after the birth of a child, she simply began to wedge, she did not even congratulate me on my return from the hospital on the birth of my daughter and began to reproach me for being a bad mother and calling my daughter the wrong name that I christened. The husband did not take any part, silently sat out, did not get up on my side. In private, he always answered my reproaches: my mother is good! Of course she is good for him, but not for me. In the end, we moved out to a rented apartment, but his mother just hates me with all her heart. Now the situation has come to a standstill, because my husband's brother has also joined the mother-in-law, she sets everyone against me. I tried to talk to my husband that you are the head new family I am obliged to protect my wife and family, say a word for me at least once and this will all stop. And so the situation grows like a snowball, because his relatives understand that he will never say or do anything to them. On my last visit, forced on my father-in-law's birthday, the situation seemed absurd to me. Neither my mother-in-law, nor my brother-husband, nor his wife spoke a word to me. My husband is on a flight, without him I do not come to Lately to them. But on the DR it was inconvenient to refuse and I did not want to upset my husband. I love him and want to save my family, but he does not hear me and says that he does not understand. Without details, I told him that all this situation had a bad effect on our relationship, his mother wants me to survive from the family. He is silent again, says that it is I who is opposed to everyone, that's why it turns out that way. What to do? I understand mom and dad are relatives - it’s easier to change a wife. Leave this family and him along with his relatives, because he will never be able to stand up for me? And he himself has been calling me lately and often breaks into a scream or irritation for no reason. He was always affectionate with me and loving, I begin to think that he is cheating on me, I can’t find the reason for his behavior, which translates a lack of respect for me. Increasingly, he compares me with my mother, who is a very specific lady and we also have a difficult relationship with her. Help me figure out how to deal with my husband.

The psychologist Andrianova Anzhelika Viktorovna answers the question.

Hello Xenia.

The current family situation is divided into two opposite camps: on the one hand, you, and on the other hand, your husband's relatives. The husband himself is in the middle, but his opinion depends on the majority. Consider this situation from the outside, how two opposite sides accuse each other of various sins, there is a confrontation between the two sides, and you are a member of one of the parties. Everyone pulls a blanket over himself. Naturally, in this scenario, the strongest will win (which is what the mother-in-law does, connects her relatives). If you want to participate in this "family battle", then you need to strengthen your position and find those who will be for you, that is, support you (I have others, not a husband). there is another position in this situation, when you give up and agree with your mother-in-law that you are “bad” and you cannot be changed and let them accept you as you are, and reinforce your position with your husband and say that he loves you and what a good fellow he is.

There is another option, when you simply break off all relations with these relatives, then it will become much more difficult for your husband to live between two opposites that ignore each other.

Such options lead to tension and the collapse of either a family or family relationships. .

It is possible to consider this situation from a different point of view. Ask yourself the question: why do you need such a situation when there are opposing sides that are fighting for influence on her husband.

If you are honest with yourself, you will get many different answers, it is important to work with them, that is, to realize your actions, then you can change your life.

Hello! Help, please advice, or reference to the literature. I'm in a situation where I don't know how to help. Please tell me, should a husband defend his wife if she was offended (by word or deed in his presence or without him), and the wife is not to blame? And how to respond in a Christian way in order to reason with the offender and to support his wife? I myself think that I should, and if the husband does not immediately know how to say it correctly, then I think, after all, it’s all the same, I should tell the offender somehow gently that the offender is wrong. Help me please. Catherine.

Archpriest Mikhail Samokhin answers:

Hello Ekaterina!

The Holy Scripture sees the relationship between Christ and the Church as an image of the relationship between husband and wife. The Lord laid down his soul for His Church, so a husband must be ready to defend his wife. It is not at all clear from your letter the situation in which such protection is necessary. Therefore, visit the nearest temple and personally consult with the priest, who, having delved into specific details, will be able to give you effective advice.

Sincerely, Archpriest Mikhail Samokhin.

Hello Maria!

I think that each of us expects that close person stand by our side and protect us. But for some reason my husband does exactly the opposite. There may be several reasons:

1. Perhaps he has accumulated irritation, anger at you, which he cannot express directly, but when an opportunity arises, he gladly joins your offenders.
2. Are you always "innocent"? Perhaps he just wants to be on the side of the truth, and nothing personal. And you expect protection from him, no matter what.
3. Do you stand up for him when your voice is needed? If not, then it's probably mutual.
4. If this happens often, then this may be a symptom that in your relationship, both of you are deeply unhappy with something and it's time to change something.
But you can understand this only through your dialogue with your husband, asking him, without blaming, what is happening? What does not suit? Explaining what you expect from him (protection, etc.) and asking what he thinks about this. If the husband does not make contact, then it is possible to find out through a conversation with a psychologist who can give recommendations specifically for your family situation.

Sincerely,
psychologist Irina Shashkova