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My husband loves me to live. Lives with me, loves a "bad" ex

Hello Tatiana.

My name is Victoria, I want to describe my situation to you and ask for advice. Girlfriends say one thing, mom another, and I'm just torn from jealousy and love. I think that my man still loves his "ex". And I Don't know what should I do, our situation is now just escalated to the limit. Please help, and is it possible to sign up for a personal consultation, thank you in advance.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now and everything seems to be fine. I love him very much, but before me he had very serious relationship, which lasted 3 years, with the girl who left him. He experienced this very painfully, but when we started a relationship, he did not meet with her for six months. Between them, as he said, remained - friendship.

IN Lately he made a habit of talking about her, not about the past of course, but for example, about her stupid "new" boyfriend, about her plans. You do not think that everything revolves only around her, I would not stand it at all. He is gentle with me and says he loves me. But it's so hard for me to bear all this and hide my feelings. I break down more and more often, and we began to swear over trifles, I become so picky and whiny. And no one will like it, and I have to pretend all the time that everything is fine. I can't tell him the truth, I don't know how.

I'm afraid of losing him I do not know what to do.

Sincerely, Victoria

Hello Victoria!

Your letter suggests that you and your boyfriend never discussed your feelings in response to his relationship with an ex-girlfriend. He communicates with her in a format convenient for himself, and perhaps he does not even realize all the suffering that this communication brings to you. You yourself write that every time, after talking or meeting with her, you meet him with a smile. How can he understand that you are not pleased.

It seems that you are trying to take a wait-and-see attitude that everything will fix itself, "he will forget her, and then everything will be fine with us." But as you correctly noted, the situation does not improve further, but only worsens. Instead of forgetting his past relationships and making a real one, he becomes more and more immersed in her problems and fills his life with just that. You are silent again and only aggravate the situation with your causeless (in his opinion) irritability and tearfulness. And again, you suffer from it.

Around, as it seems to you, only you are to blame, and it remains only to start blaming yourself for the fact that you are “anything like that”, and therefore he chooses her. Or " he loves his "ex" girlfriend, but I don’t. "And to prevent this from happening, it is important to clarify the whole situation now. It is important to remember that both of you are responsible for your relationship.

I will not delve into the motives of your boyfriend and his ex girlfriend. This is a separate issue, and in principle it is easily explained by both his and her side. In this situation, I can recommend that you, first of all, talk to your boyfriend about your feelings. Perhaps it will be a revelation for him. After all, until now, you hid everything, and he could evaluate your neutrality not as love, but as indifference and just friendly participation. Do not blame him for what he did, he may not hear you and decide that this is your next whim.

Just tell him how you feel when he first tells her about his achievements, cares more about her problems than about yours. Talk about your experiences, worries and feelings. Determine for yourself that level of comfort in a relationship with your beloved man and the degree of presence of another woman in this. Do not try to understand only others, understand yourself, and what you want from your relationship with your loved one.

You should not limit his communication with the "ex", just invite him to prioritize communication with you and with her.

I can assume that he is stuck in the past, on his former relationship, and you in the future on your promising relationship with him. You need to meet each other in the present, and the present is your current relationship. And just clarify your and his views and feelings on this situation. And after that, make a joint decision about your relationship with him, their preservation and development.

Of course, all these issues can be resolved in an individual consultation. Entry in the section Consultation of a psychologist.

Your Tatyana Slavina

“The husband loves another, but lives with me” - often on the forums you can find such a heading in which a woman asks for help with advice in a similar situation.

And how sharply sometimes we can think or speak out about this, not assuming that this can happen to everyone.

But in fact, such a development of events baffles every woman. What to do if a loved one has another?

Assessment of the situation

What should be taken away from what happened is that this is not just a betrayal in order to diversify the routine life if a man fell in love with another woman.

That is why the lawful wife should be especially careful in this case.

First of all, it is necessary to try with different eyes to consider everything that happened, to identify possible causes.

Why doesn't he leave?

What to do if the husband said that he loves another, but at the same time he is not going to leave at all?

It is worth considering the reasons why a man is usually not going to leave his family, in more detail:

Children. If they are still small, then, of course, he will want to participate in their upbringing. But if they are big, then he may just want to avoid condemnation, remaining in their eyes the same exemplary father.
Relatives. Women often claim that their family is considered exemplary and if it breaks up, then “what will the relatives say?”. Husbands think the same, fearing that they will be turned away from them, standing up for the protection of their lawful wife, as the most affected party.
Convenience of life. As cynical as it may sound, it is true. At home, life is established, dinner is cooked, his wife takes care of him: ironing shirts, cleaning, washing linen. And at the same time, the husband loves another, with her he rests from work and routine. Often it is this state of affairs that a man is completely satisfied with. Is your wife ready to deal with this? Only she can answer this question.
Material wealth. The fear of losing what has been acquired also drives men. Either he or his wife can support the family. And if everything is clear with the second case, then, you ask, why should a man be afraid for his wealth in the first case? But after all, with a divorce, he will have to part with a lot. And it happens a lot.
Passion is not serious. Despite a declaration to his wife of love for another woman, it may happen that on subconscious level a man understands that his passion is not serious, and falling in love will soon pass. In this case, he does not want to lose his family, assuming to break the connection soon.

How to get your husband back?

If you have the strength to forgive and accept, then you should endure and try to take various ways.

At the same time, it is important to avoid quarrels, setting ultimatums, threats, demands to immediately abandon the homeowner, said in a categorical tone.

Recall the immortal painting "Love and Doves", in which a similar classic triangle is considered. What married man in a mistress attracted primarily?

Unusual character, beauty, intelligence, and precisely the dissimilarity of that other woman to a wife who is not only simple, but has also been thoroughly studied over the years of living together.

However, its native family is appreciated by every man, which means that he will return.

To this we can add statistics figures, according to which 90% of husbands again return to their legal and native wife.

But in this situation, it is you who should decide what is supposed to be done - save the family or let the husband go.

The fact that only a woman solves such issues is said not only by eminent psychologists, but also by life experience.

Assessing your chances

“He loves another” - these words do not just sound bitter, but also usually cause disappointing damage to women's pride.

Self-esteem in many cases falls sharply and hands drop by themselves. After all, in addition to work and home, the wife is responsible for taking care of the children and the husband himself, in many cases there is not enough time for herself.

But if there is still love and it is complemented by the desire to return the husband to the family, then the changes must begin with yourself.

What should be changed?

Appearance. Cardinally. It is worth trying on a new image, painting in new shade hair, lose weight. First, of course, you need to consult with a hair stylist, or try to independently evaluate whether it suits you. a new style. The main rule is that in an attempt to look good, do not become too ridiculous. If a woman is aged, then it is better to emphasize elegance with outfits, appropriate care and haircut. Such an image will be luxurious. And it is better for young girls to change their style, take better care of themselves.
Character. Yes, it is worth changing! But “breaking” oneself through force and towards accepting the situation as it is is by no means possible! On the contrary, you need to appear strong-willed, try to remove the notes of hysteria and scandalism, if any, to be more balanced.
Find a hobby. It will allow you to take a break from the situation for a long time. Believe me, in a difficult situation, after infidelity, and even being practically on the verge of a divorce, a woman simply needs an outlet. As an activity, you can choose whatever you like. Scrapbooking, origami, embroidery, sand painting and more. Focusing on creating them, distracting from the situation, you can soon feel full of energy and rested. It is very important.
Engage in self-development. Sign up for dances, read, go to trainings, learn languages - do everything that you once could not do due to lack of time. Reduce household worries to the maximum, and spend the freed time on yourself, walking with children, having fun with them, and taking care of yourself. Let your husband know in this way that you can all manage without him together. In addition, a long absence of a wife's home can cause jealousy even in a man who considers himself in love with another woman. After all, how can it be that his wife could please anyone else?
The last fact follows from the previous one. Get yourself a fan. If this is unacceptable for you, then just dress in a way that other men like. Jealousy, it is worth repeating, is considered one of the most reliable ways to return the interest of a husband. He will soon be able to completely forget about the other woman, again and again trying to win his wife.

Believe me, all beneficial changes will become noticeable not only to you, and your efforts will not be in vain.

Having felt the whole taste of life and again becoming fragrant, smiling, you will again become the woman that your husband once fell in love with.

In addition to this, surround him with care, but not too visible. Cook delicious meals, give him unobtrusive and, most importantly, sincere compliments.

Finally, let him feel like a man. Not only women are able to "love with their ears."

Feeling his need, indispensability, realizing that he is needed here more than in another, alien family, he will soon be able to understand that feelings for another woman were only a momentary hobby.

Can't be pardoned

If the husband loves another, but does not leave, then for the wife such a situation is several times more painful.

Firstly, serious torment begins, the search for reasons, and secondly, the woman is in constant stress that the man is about to get bored and leave her.

It can be difficult to accept betrayal, but such a development of events in which the husband does not make the final choice is much more difficult.

In this case, the wife will know about the other woman and morally will have to accept her. Most often, this is tolerated for the sake of children, prosperity, or simply fear of condemnation of relatives.

But if there is no more love and you don’t want to accept the humiliating development of events, then there is only one way out - to quit without looking back at the opinions of strangers.

Such a decision should be made if you only want freedom, there is no desire to endure the situation, betrayal, the attitude of a man.

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Decide everything yourself, pack your bags and put the unfaithful hubby out the door. Take care of yourself and your happiness will soon find you.

The main thing is not to get hung up on experiences for a long time. As soon as you say goodbye to the past, new events will already be ready to enter your life, filling it with new meaning.

I met a guy on the Internet, after we met and saw each other, on the third day after we met in person, we began to live together. Today we have been living together for 4 months. He introduced me to his parents, everything seems to be fine. I have two more children not from him, he loves my youngest daughter very much. But one moment annoys me: he tells me that I am good and he feels good with me, but he does not love me, but loves his ex-wife, whom he divorced in 2011. They were friends for 5 years and lived together for one year. I know his wife, once upon a time, even before him and before meeting him, I communicated with his wife in a friendly way. They divorced very scandalously, she closed it for 15 days (she wrote a statement after a quarrel). The option that they can get together disappears, but he often tells me that she is so, let’s say, “not good”, but he loves her and wants to, but cannot forget. This makes me sad and depressing to hear. How should I react and what should I do?

Anna, Russia, 33 years old / 13.05.16

Opinions of our experts

Alyona

Anna, the answer depends on what you are counting on in this relationship and in what time interval. As for “locked up for 15 days after a quarrel”, I think you will agree that there is no smoke without fire, and our valiant policemen, based on a mere statement from my wife, will not put anyone on state grub for 15 days - this is not budgetary for the state. So, most likely, your man himself is not sugar, which you are not very aware of yet, because the term of your relationship, frankly, is not long. If you really want to squeeze something out of this relationship, then be patient and silently, without emotion, listen for now to what he says about his ex. This will pass with time. If he himself pulled you out and offered to live together, despite two children, it means that not everything is so simple in his head. Otherwise, I would prefer to meet and fool my head. But I wouldn’t count on a quick offer to go to the registry office either. On the other hand, you are already 33 years old, you have children, you, as I understand it, do not depend on him financially, he still behaves decently and does not offend your children. What do you lose if you just live and wait for developments? You have almost everything for yourself. Think of it as a trial marriage and take this experiment lightly. It won’t work out good - you will disperse without offense.
Sergey

Anna, I think you should just wait and see how the situation develops for now. I understand that I want to get married and have everything like people, but you should not rush in this matter. Four months is a very short time, and you are still only looking at each other. It is quite possible that in the near future your friend will show such sides of himself that you yourself will hand him over for 15 days and run away, or he will leave, realizing that he has overestimated his strength. Alas, this happens all the time. Especially when there are two non-native children. So do not rush to draw global conclusions and consider yourself "married". As for the fact that he still loves his ex-wife, then this information can be ignored. Just believe that everything in this world is changing, and if you fit together, manage to find a common language, learn to respect each other, you will automatically become a couple, and all the past will remain in the past. If you don’t fit, then the guy simply uses this excuse to leave. I believe that he is talking about this because he is trying to prepare the ground in advance, because he is not yet sure about your joint future. In general, try not to get too hopeful for now and just look for mutual understanding with your partner. And then look at the circumstances. If God grants you "grow together", then no ex-wives can no longer interfere.

Good afternoon. I read your answers to the questions and realized that they carefully understand the situation here and give, indeed, the right tips rather than brushing people off by standards.
My situation may seem crazy to someone, and easy or difficult to someone. But I got confused.
After my divorce from my husband, I met good guy. We just talked for a couple of months and then we started dating. He is 10 years younger than me. Although I don’t look my age either - at most 20-23, sorry, but I often behave accordingly.
We met for 2 months, after which he came and in a roundabout way tried to leave. He said he didn't love me, but he cares about me. The next day he came to reconcile.
After another 2 months, he came to meet after work. But I had to work late. Before that, he disappeared for 2 days. Came with a friend and a guilty face. He just stood for half an hour, after which he kissed him on the cheek and left. I realized that he made up his mind. For a week she roared like a beluga. She ran around the apartment, not understanding what was happening. I felt like the world had gone crazy. I could not work, I could not communicate with people. Oddly enough, it was his friends who actively pulled me out of this state.
He returned a week later. We talked about mistakes, about the fact that he does not love me. That I'm at work all the time. We're separated. And yet we decided to try again.
It's been almost 4 months now and everything seems to be going well. But periodically there are conversations that it is better for both of us to leave. That I will feel bad, but it will pass. And the sooner the better. But I can't let him go. I love him very much. Ready for everything for him. But what can be done to change his attitude? Lead initially he thought that this is it, the very thing. What happened?
At the same time, he is furious with everyone when I do something wrong from his point of view. In the sense that I will hurt myself. I stopped telling him about what was going on with me, only in general terms and only good things. He just gets really mad when he can't help me. And because of his age, he really cannot help in any way, except for moral support. But he does not give it - he does not know how and is not used to it.
If he didn't care about me, and he would just use me, there would not even be a question - we would break up. But I see that he is not all early. That he is very worried and worried about me.
I'm completely confused. I don't want to lose him, but I don't know what to do. He is with me, but does not love, or thinks that he does not love.
I don't understand anything. I want to cry from helplessness.
I really hope that your answer will help me at least clarify something.
Thank you very much in advance.

Tatyana, St. Petersburg, 30 years old

Answer:

psychologist, specialization: gender psychology

Hello Tatiana.

The problem seems to be that he doesn't feel like a man enough around you. Here, look carefully: in case of your troubles, he cannot help you (although no one has canceled the effect of moral support), but now it is important for him to be a man! And that means 1) making money; 2) be able to solve problems, not just talk about them; 3) to have the right to show some kind of power, or at least initiative. And in fact, what we have: 1) it is unlikely that he can oppose his earnings to yours; 2) due to the lack of proper life experience, he cannot effectively help you solve your problems, and apparently considers moral support the lot of "snotty children"; 3) and by virtue of all this, he understands well that he has no right to put any conditions on you and demand something from you. Because he has a feeling, apparently, that he seriously has nothing to offer you as a woman. And as a result, we have a picture: a man does not see for himself the opportunity to "steer" this ship of relationships. And as a result, he feels hurt. And he finds one way to equalize the situation - to declare that he does not love you. And thereby reveal your weakness and at least in some way feel power and strength over you. What can be done. I think, just to convey to him all this. Explain that for you the adulthood of a man is the ability to give moral support. What matters to you is not how much he earns, but how much he is able to take care of you (do something around the house, or maybe help physically in some kind of hard work). And then encourage his initiative in business. In general, by any means (but unobtrusively) let him know that he is the helmsman of the relationship ship. It is even possible to come up with some situations in which he could prove himself as a man, and then voice his joy at how reliable, strong he is, etc. There is a chance, but in this matter you will have to be patient and delicate, and less show your extreme interest in it. After all, he, too, must have a field for conquest.

Sincerely, Nesvitsky Anton Mikhailovich.

He lives with me, but loves another!

“Husband loves another, but lives with me” - often on the forums you can find such a heading in which a woman asks for help with advice in a similar situation.

And how sharply sometimes we can think or speak out about this, not assuming that this can happen to everyone.

But in fact, such a development of events baffles every woman. What to do if a loved one has another?

Assessment of the situation

What should be taken away from what happened is that this is not just a betrayal in order to diversify the routine life if a man fell in love with another woman.

That is why the lawful wife should be especially careful in this case.

First of all, it is necessary to try with different eyes to consider everything that happened, to identify possible causes.

Why doesn't he leave?

What to do if the husband said that he loves another, but at the same time he is not going to leave at all?

It is worth considering the reasons why a man is usually not going to leave his family, in more detail:

1. Children. If they are still small, then, of course, he will want to participate in their upbringing. But if they are big, then he may just want to avoid condemnation, remaining in their eyes the same exemplary father.

2. Relatives. Women often claim that their family is considered exemplary and if it breaks up, then “what will the relatives say?”. Husbands think the same, fearing that they will be turned away from them, standing up for the protection of their lawful wife, as the most affected party.

3. Convenience of life. As cynical as it may sound, it is true. At home, life is established, dinner is cooked, his wife takes care of him: ironing shirts, cleaning, washing linen. And at the same time, the husband loves another, with her he rests from work and routine. Often it is this state of affairs that a man is completely satisfied with. Is your wife ready to deal with this? Only she can answer this question.

4. Material wealth. The fear of losing what has been acquired also drives men. Either he or his wife can support the family. And if everything is clear with the second case, then, you ask, why should a man be afraid for his wealth in the first case? But after all, with a divorce, he will have to part with a lot. And it happens a lot.

5. Passion is not serious . Despite the confession to his wife of love for another woman, it may happen that on a subconscious level a man understands that his passion is not serious, and falling in love will soon pass. In this case, he does not want to lose his family, assuming to break the connection soon.

How to get your husband back?

If you have the strength to forgive and accept, then you should endure and try to take various ways to return a man to the family.

At the same time, it is important to avoid quarrels, setting ultimatums, threats, demands to immediately abandon the homeowner, said in a categorical tone.

Recall the immortal painting "Love and Doves", in which a similar classic triangle is considered. What attracted a married man in his mistress first of all?

Unusual character, beauty, intelligence, and precisely the dissimilarity of that other woman to a wife who is not only simple, but has also been thoroughly studied over the years of living together.

However, every man appreciates his own, native family, which means that he will return.

To this we can add statistics figures, according to which 90% of husbands again return to their legal and native wife.

But in this situation, it is you who should decide what is supposed to be done - to save the family or let the husband go.

The fact that only a woman solves such issues is said not only by eminent psychologists, but also by life experience.

Assessing your chances

“He loves another” - these words do not just sound bitter, but also usually cause disappointing damage to women's pride.

But if there is still love and it is complemented by the desire to return the husband to the family, then the changes must begin with yourself.

What should be changed?

· Appearance . Cardinally. It is worth trying on a new image, dyeing your hair in a new shade, losing weight. First, of course, you need to consult with a hair stylist, or try to independently evaluate whether a new style suits you. The main rule is that in an attempt to look good, do not become too ridiculous. If a woman is aged, then it is better to emphasize elegance with outfits, appropriate care and haircut. Such an image will be luxurious. And it is better for young girls to change their style, take better care of themselves.

· Character . Yes, it is worth changing! But “breaking” oneself through force and towards accepting the situation as it is is by no means possible! On the contrary, you need to appear strong-willed, try to remove the notes of hysteria and scandalism, if any, to be more balanced.

· Find a hobby . It will allow you to take a break from the situation for a long time. Believe me, in a difficult situation, after infidelity, and even being practically on the verge of a divorce, a woman simply needs an outlet. As an activity, you can choose whatever you like. Scrapbooking, origami, embroidery, sand painting and more. Focusing on creating them, distracting from the situation, you can soon feel full of energy and rested. It is very important.

· Engage in self-development . Sign up for dances, read, go to trainings, learn languages - do everything that you once could not do due to lack of time. Reduce household worries to the maximum, and spend the freed time on yourself, walking with children, having fun with them, and taking care of yourself. Let your husband know in this way that you can all manage without him together. In addition, a long absence of a wife's home can cause jealousy even in a man who considers himself in love with another woman. After all, how can it be that his wife could please anyone else?

· The last fact follows from the previous one.Get yourself a fan . If this is unacceptable for you, then just dress in a way that other men like. Jealousy, it is worth repeating, is considered one of the most reliable ways to return the interest of a husband. He will soon be able to completely forget about the other woman, again and again trying to win his wife.

Believe me, all beneficial changes will become noticeable not only to you, and your efforts will not be in vain.

Having felt the whole taste of life and again becoming fragrant, smiling, you will again become the woman that your husband once fell in love with.

In addition to this, surround him with care, but not too visible. Cook delicious meals, give him unobtrusive and, most importantly, sincere compliments.

Finally, let him feel like a man. Not only women are able to "love with their ears."

Can't be pardoned

If the husband loves another, but does not leave, then for the wife such a situation is several times more painful.

Firstly, serious torment begins, the search for reasons, and secondly, the woman is in constant stress that the man is about to get bored and leave her.

It can be difficult to accept betrayal, but such a development of events in which the husband does not make the final choice is much more difficult.

But if there is no more love and you don’t want to accept the humiliating development of events, then there is only one way out - to quit without looking back at the opinions of strangers.

Such a decision should be made if you only want freedom, there is no desire to endure the situation, betrayal, the attitude of a man.

Decide everything yourself, pack your bags and put the unfaithful hubby out the door. Take care of yourself and your happiness will soon find you.

The main thing is not to get hung up on experiences for a long time. As soon as you say goodbye to the past, new events will already be ready to enter your life, filling it with new meaning.

PS: So, to summarize the actions,

aimed at a favorable result:

The first step is conversation. And serious, detailed, and not so gentle and affectionate, creating the illusion that nothing happened. Build the conversation so that it does not "float" beyond the bounds of politeness and tact. Do not allow scandalous tones, obscene expressions, insults and reproaches. Indulge yourself in something like this - a conversation to "set your sights" on failure and failure.

The second act is clever trick. With the help of such a “weapon”, try to find out from him carefully what attracted your husband to another woman, why he has cooled off towards you. Avoid in matters of rudeness and excessive perseverance! This is a hindrance to your further frank conversation.

The third act is an attempt to become better than you are now. No one doubted and does not doubt that you are the best. But even ideality should sometimes be given at least a little "adjustment". You can imagine that this step is a kind of decoration of your personality and your inner world.

Hello dear readers! In a fit of anger, we can say to a loved one very hurtful words just to hurt him. The most unpleasant thing is that after this bastion is taken, the phrase is uttered, it ceases to be scary and begins to periodically pop up in conversations further. We are adjusting and preparing ourselves for what now seems inevitable.

If your wife says she doesn't love, it means she needs a change. What exactly, how should a man behave, why is she still not leaving and getting divorced, but continues to repeat these offensive words?

Doesn't she understand that the phrase hurts a lot? I will try to answer all these questions in this article, and also give a guide to action, which you should definitely pay attention to.

Think about yourself

No one wants to hear the phrase that they do not like him. Try at least for a while to move away from this information and think about yourself and your relationship with a woman.

Reject the fear of parting, forget for a while that she can leave, pull yourself together and. In general, throw out the image of a particular woman from your thoughts for a while. You are most likely not worried about her. It's just an illusion.

We get used to a certain course of events that make up our lives. Naturally, since life goes on with a specific person, then most of the traditions are associated with him. The sooner you realize that there will be no “as before” anyway, the more benefits you will get in the end.

Suppose that if, despite dislike, the wife does not want to file for divorce, then there are still feelings, although for now this should not matter to you. The phrase itself says that a woman can no longer continue to live the way you did before. The girl can't handle it emotionally. It seems to her that she invests a lot in this relationship, but does not see a response from you.

For her, by and large, it’s not so important whether you break up or not, the main thing is that everything changes, however, your wife cannot make a clear decision. Are you ready to help her cope with an unpleasant moment and once again solve problems? Do you want to move forward in the direction she sets? Do you really need this family?

In the head of every man, the prevailing thoughts will now be: “She does not love me, but why does she continue to live with me”? You focus on a woman, but pay attention to the wrong details, do not move further.

Chances are your wife has told you before that she doesn't like certain parts of her life. life together. You may have overlooked this information. Now is the time to remember everything and think about whether everything suits you specifically. What do you want and what are you striving for?

It does not happen that one in a couple is fine, and the other is uncomfortable.

Straight Talk

If you don’t understand for the life of you what specifically doesn’t suit your spouse, it’s best to ask her.

I think she will make a lot of claims. Do not swear, argue, shout, etc. It won't lead to anything. She didn’t think for a day about what she didn’t like, she already tried to cope with everything herself. It didn't work out. You will not be able to say something new that will affect your spouse and turn her world upside down.

In order to establish relationships, you need to delve into the information. If you do not accept it, then this is another reason to think about whether such a relationship is needed at all. Moreover, if nothing changes, and the wife continues to think about problems, sooner or later she will still file for divorce or leave, no matter how much she wants to.

Men are used to deciding everything, so try to do it again. Don't argue, don't argue, don't interrupt. Let the woman speak, perhaps this is enough for her to look at you with different eyes and give this relationship another chance.

Our hearts demand change

After a conversation and through simple calculations, you can understand what to do and whether you are ready to give your woman a new one. happy life And. Nothing will work without this. She will increasingly talk about the lack of love and will finally come to the conclusion that she will divorce you.

I hope you have already made a decision and will try to stick to your strategy. Do something nice for your other half. It's actually very simple. You can find a lot of useful advice on this topic in the book. Ruslan Narushevich "Learning to love each other". I recommend paying special attention to it.

That's all for me. See you soon and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

Today we will talk about a problem that can happen in every family, about a situation when a husband loves another woman, but at the same time continues to live with his wife. You will find out why this happens at all, what stops the spouse from leaving the family. You will know how to act in the current situation.

Main manifestations

Sometimes a woman may have the thought “a husband loves another, but lives with me for the sake of children,” when she notices serious changes in his character, behavior and attitude towards herself. Let's look at what signs may indicate that another person has appeared in the heart of your missus.

External changes have taken place. He took care of his appearance, bought new perfume, went to the gym.
He always keeps his phone next to him, retires for conversations.
Constant meetings and evening revisions suddenly arose.
The aroma of his things has changed, her husband smells differently.
A man practically does not kiss or hug you. He became less interested in sex.
A husband, feeling guilty about his love for another woman, may begin to give you gifts and flowers. Or, on the contrary, he will become rude, will behave aloof, because you will annoy him with your appearance, and all thoughts will be occupied by another woman.
Your family budget is shrinking. The husband may lie about the fact that his salary was cut or his bonus was taken away.

If the woman with whom your spouse is in love belongs to the circle of mutual acquaintances, then you can notice the following manifestations in his behavior:

next to her, a man begins to get nervous, embarrassed, behaves unnaturally;
when talking in her society, focuses the attention of listeners on their achievements, successes, material well-being;
in her presence, he becomes the complete opposite - a talkative guy turns into a silent man and vice versa;
he is unpleasant to talk of his beloved about former men;
Your husband offers to help this woman, goes shopping with her to the market, helps with breakdowns around the house;
when communicating, a man often looks into the eyes of the object of his desire;
the husband talks a lot about his colleague, and he can speak about her both negatively and positively. An increased interest in a person indicates that he is not indifferent to her.

Why is this happening

The man admitted that he loves another - Your world has completely turned upside down, especially if you didn’t know anything. But why did this happen, what influenced this event?

You must understand that a person who is satisfied with everything in the family, a healthy atmosphere, sufficient intimate life, calmness and comfort, will not pay attention to other women, will not seek meetings with them.

It is one thing when relationships arise for pleasure and satisfaction of any ambitions, it is quite another when true love is born on the side. There are completely different reasons.

A man is unhappy with the way his wife looks. Her appearance reduces his own self-esteem. The husband wants to see next to him such a woman, at the sight of which everyone will begin to envy him. Sometimes girls, after getting married, stop taking care of themselves, they can sharply gain overweight, walk at home with an unwashed head, it is not clear how they dress. A man is ashamed to appear in public with such a wife, so he begins to look for an attractive person in his environment.
Women's inability to manage the household. A man is annoyed when there is a mess at home, mountains of unwashed dishes, dirty floors, his wife does not know how to cook deliciously. He is looking for a good hostess.
The problem of a material or domestic nature. A man tends to spend less time at home, especially if he is forced to live with other relatives.
Problems in sexual life. A man will begin to look for a partner who will fully satisfy him if his wife often refuses him intimacy. Over time, his attachment to his mistress can become very strong, develop into love.

Development Options

If a man has a new love, then there can be three ways to develop relationships.

For a long time lives in two families. When feelings for another woman begin to prevail, he can leave his wife.
Definitely choose another girl if there are no common children in the family.
He will choose a wife, break off all relations with his mistress. It will remain unhappy, because the choice was dictated by certain life circumstances. But will he save his marriage if his wife finds out about everything?

Upon learning that you have a rival, you can do one of three scenarios.

Kick her husband out and file for divorce.
A situation in which a man realizes his mistake, decides to break off relations with his mistress, wants to save his family, a woman can forgive her husband everything, pretend that nothing happened. However, it will be difficult for her not to think about male betrayal, and this will interfere with their future life.
Third option. The new feelings of a man are very strong, but he maintains a relationship with his wife because of respect, gratitude for the years he has lived, for the children born. The wife doesn't want to make him unhappy by keeping him by her side. In an ideal scenario, a woman lowers her husband, allows him to create new family while remaining on friendly terms.

Why doesn't he leave

Even when new woman Your husband is the love of his life, he can still try to save his marriage. This is due to one of the following reasons.

You have small children. A man wants to take an active part in the process of their upbringing. If the children are large, the husband does not want to injure them, lose their respect.
Fear of being judged by relatives, friends. Fear that everyone will begin to treat him with contempt.
Comfortable for two families. A man from new and old relationships receives some benefit.
Material wealth. A man does not want to leave his wife when he is afraid of losing his property in a divorce.
Uncertainty that the new relationship is true love.

How to behave

Assess the situation, identify the reason for what happened.
Think about your relationship with your spouse. How often did you satisfy his requests, needs.
Stop constantly blaming him, to find fault on every occasion.
Praise your husband, show how proud you are of him.
Keep calm, be gentle, show your care.
Take an interest in his life, hobbies.
Assess your appearance. If you stopped caring for yourself or gained extra pounds, take care of your body. Go to the hairdresser, start going to the gym. When you have cardinal changes, a man will not remain indifferent, because, once he chose you as his wife.
Analyze your character, your behavior. Suddenly you spoil your spouse's life, you constantly get it, criticize it. So it's time to change.
Find yourself a hobby. This will allow you to be distracted, take care of yourself, satisfy your needs.
Engage in self-development. The husband will like it if there is a successful woman next to him. He will see that you are a self-sufficient person, you can achieve a lot on your own. He will understand what treasure is nearby and will not want someone else to get it.
Try to make your husband feel jealous. But it is not necessary to have a young lover, just look spectacular, make a strong impression on men. Let compliments be given to you, even when your husband is nearby.

How Not to Do

Arrange tantrums, blame her husband for a ruined life.
Make scandals in front of children.
Engage in self-flagellation, be alone with your problem.
Make attempts to meet with an opponent, wanting to force her to back down with the help of threats and blackmail.
Follow her husband, get him with calls, blackmail him with children.

Now you know what to do if a husband says he loves another woman. Remember that the preservation of your family, especially if it has children, is very important for both of you. Especially if the man does not plan to leave for another. It can be very difficult for a woman to forgive her spouse, because there is betrayal and betrayal. You must understand that these feelings can also arise through your fault, which means that you need to change something in your life. If you love your husband, and he is unhappy with you, it is better to let him go.