Offended people or whom it is impossible to offend. I can't be offended
Resentment is both anger and pity together. Anger towards the offender and self-pity. Both anger and pity are, though negative, but strong emotions. And strong emotions are easy to get addicted to, strong emotions are easy to get addicted to. Strong emotions, both negative and positive, very often become a kind of narcotic substance. And so many people, like a drug, get addicted to strong emotions, including anger and pity. That is why it is so difficult for so many offended people to forgive those who have caused their offense; after all, if they forgive, they will cease to be offended people, which means they will cease to experience anger and pity, which means forgive the pleasure they experienced while experiencing these, albeit negative, but strong emotions.
Offended people are usually, without any exception, angry. Kindness is incompatible with either pity or anger. Pay attention to this, we will return to this later.
It would seem, well, what's wrong with being always offended? The bad thing is that resentment gets in the way creative development person. To be able (to have the ability) is more significant than the ability (ability) to repent.
Why? Probably because it is easier to understand what repentance is than to understand what forgiveness is. To repent means to regret the committed act, considering it to some extent destructive and realizing it. Negative consequences. You can also repent about your lifestyle, regretting, for example, missed opportunities or acquired negative character traits when you become greedy, angry, envious, and so on. You can repent and commit evil in relation to someone. And so on. There are many examples of human remorse. Repentance is not something incomprehensible. Here everything is very clear and understandable.
The degree of repentance (regret) can be weak if the negative consequences of the committed act or lifestyle are insignificant, and vice versa, regret can be very, very large if they result in great evil or great misfortune.
Let's go back to resentment and compare it with remorse. It has already been said that resentment is both anger and pity combined. And repentance is usually a strong regret. Is there something in common here? What resentment and remorse have in common is anger and pity. Another thing is that in repentance both of these emotions are experienced by a person in relation to himself personally. When a person commits a destructive act and realizes its destructiveness and regrets it, then he experiences both anger and pity towards himself. Alternately a person hates himself, then regrets.
Note that I have used the word "hate" now. For me, you can feel anger towards someone only if you hate someone; including yourself.
The vast majority of people believe that the opposite of love is hate. And dictionaries of antonyms confirm this. It's all about the definitions that both dictionaries and people give to the words "love" and "hate". If love is understood only as a “feeling of deep affection for someone” and “devotion to someone”, and hatred is understood only as a “feeling of the strongest hostility”, “enmity towards something, someone”, then, of course, love will be perceived as the opposite of hate.
But is love only a deep attachment and devotion to someone? Love is, first of all, a relationship between people, and the feelings and emotions that a person experiences at the same time are already a second matter. But, alas, most people put their emotions in the first place, and don’t think about relationships at all, believing, probably, that emotions will become the key to the necessary relationship, and not understanding that deep affection and devotion to someone can be experienced not only in love.
Let's get back to the insult. I am NOT saying that there cannot be devotion and affection in love, I am saying that this alone is not enough for love. And those who do not agree with this, who understand love solely as devotion and affection, and build relationships with other people on this understanding of theirs and call these relationships love, very soon begin to be disappointed in their relationships and feelings and ... repent very much, that is, to regret very much what they have done, turning anger on themselves and on everyone who at least somehow took part in the construction of these relations, doubtful in every sense.
Offended people, as a rule, without any exception, are angry, because it is incompatible with either pity or anger. Resentment is a very destructive feeling, because it contains two opposites: hatred and pity.
The antonym of the word "hatred", that is, the word opposite in meaning to it, is not love, as many mistakenly believe, but pity. And if we talk about the fact that there is one step between opposites, then hatred and pity are most suitable for this. From hate to pity is one step, and not from hate to love, as some mistakenly believe. And this erroneous understanding often leads to tragic consequences when a person, feeling hatred towards someone, takes a step and begins to feel pity for the same person and thinks that this is love. And there are those who, initially feeling pity for someone, without any prior hatred, mistakenly think that this is love.
Who can confuse love and pity? Who can easily go from hatred to pity? There is only one answer - offended people. By the way, from pity to hatred in the same way as from hatred to pity, one step. And if the result of the relationship between people, which they called love, becomes hatred, then before that there was not love between them, but a relationship based on pity. Failures in love are the lot of offended people. But are there those who cannot be offended? Eat.
It is impossible to offend someone who knows how to forgive.
Now about what it means to forgive, what forgiveness means. Forgiveness is a forgiving attitude toward someone who intentionally or unintentionally harms you. To be able to forgive means to be able to remain indifferent to those who harm you, who harm you. And here it is important not to confuse indifference in relation to evil and to the cause of this evil with inaction in relation to evil and to the cause of evil.
Being indifferent to evil does not mean not noticing evil and not reacting to it in the necessary way. To be indifferent to evil means not to feel any emotion towards evil, neither hatred nor pity. Yes, yes, and pity as well, because pity is a feeling, like hatred, can only be experienced in relation to evil. Kindness does not need pity.
And we come to the main point. Who can't be offended? It turns out that it is impossible to offend a good person. Who is a kind person? A kind person is a person who knows how to forgive.
I have already said that kindness is incompatible with either hatred (anger) or pity. Kindness is generally outside the segment, on the one hand limited by hatred, and on the other by pity. And this means that jealousy, vindictiveness, envy, hypocrisy and many other things that exist in this segment, including passion, are not characteristic of kindness.
Kindness is, first of all, tolerance towards people, based on the understanding that all people are different and each person, without exception, is great and brilliant in his ability to generate ideas and translate them into reality, tolerance both towards people themselves, and to their ideas, to their dreams, to their goals. Be kind person- this means with understanding and patience that all people are different, and the ideas that all people generate and translate into reality are also different.
I wish you health, love and creative success. Sincerely, © 2014
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Learn not to be offended. It's very difficult, but so useful!
Free your soul from insults... and you won't notice how the soul will take off!)
In the east there lived a sage who taught his disciples this way:
“People offend in three ways. They may say that you are stupid, they may call you a slave, they may call you mediocre. If this happened to you, remember a simple truth: only a fool will call another a fool, only a slave is looking for a slave in another, only mediocrity justifies what he does not understand himself, with someone else's madness. Therefore, never be offended by anyone, and do not insult yourself.
Start simple: wish all the best good people who once offended you.
No need to carry around stupid suitcases of grievances. If only because if the hands are occupied with something bad, then it is impossible to take something good from them.
The wiser a person becomes
the less he finds reasons for resentment.
No one can hurt me if I don't allow it myself.
Mahatma Gandhi ---
You should not be offended by the person who offended you - in his soul he is offended more.
No one is interested in hurting you, no one is waiting for an opportunity to hurt you, everyone is busy guarding their own wound.
The inner world does not tolerate a mess. Take a "broom" and get out in the shower. It's time to finally sweep away all the grievances and sorrows that have accumulated there, losses and disappointments. It's time to finally make room for something truly new, bright, clean and beautiful.
You don't forgive others to heal them. You forgive others to heal yourself.
Chuck Hilling
A happy woman cannot be offended...
You can only make her laugh!
If you have learned not to be offended, it means that you have learned to look into the heart of another.
Defiant behavior towards you is not a personal insult to you, it is a measure of a person's suffering. This is how he shows you how much he hurts and how much compassion he needs.
They may say that you are stupid, they may call you a slave, they may call you mediocre. If this happened to you, remember a simple truth: only a fool will call another a fool, only a slave is looking for a slave in another, only mediocrity justifies what he does not understand himself with someone else's madness. Therefore, never be offended by anyone, and do not insult yourself, so as not to be considered stupid mediocre slaves.
Happy people cannot be evil. Only those who are unhappy themselves try to offend others. Your offender did not try to offend you. He was only projecting onto you what was the real purpose of his aggression. (Anthony de Mello)
The more resentment, the more I lose strength.
Resentment is the problem of the one who is offended. This means that it was you who did not have enough mental strength for this person, it was you who could not cope with yourself.
If you are full of strength, energy, if you feel good simply because it is spring outside, and you feel strength and power in yourself - is a person in such a state capable of being offended by someone? When we are full of energy, resentment passes us by. If we are offended, it means that there is already an outflow of energy somewhere, which means that you have not tracked your condition somewhere and have not taken measures to bring yourself back to normal. So what about other people?
Why are you offended that no one thought of you and did not wash the dishes on your birthday? Why didn't you warn about it yourself, didn't you say? Why are you silently, angrily gritting your teeth, doing something, instead of asking someone to help you? Why do you build dramatic images and feel sorry for yourself to tears? Why? Maybe you want to torture yourself?
Any of our resentment is connected with our feeling dignity in other words, with our ego. That is, we are offended that they underestimated us, did not foresee our desires, did not think about us in the first place.
(quotes from the article "Adult children of resentment" - Maria Petrochenko - Wheel of Life June 2013)
When the same people are around you, it somehow turns out by itself that they enter your life. And having entered your life, after a while they want to change it. And if you do not become the way they want to see you, they are offended. After all, everyone knows exactly how to live in the world. For some reason, no one can manage their own life.
Paulo Coelho "The Alchemist"
Do not litter your memory with insults, otherwise there may simply not be room for wonderful moments!
Blaming others is such a small trick to use whenever you don't want to take responsibility for what happens in your life. Use it - and you are guaranteed a life without risk and a slowdown in your own development.
Resentment provides two important benefits that are not easy for people to give up. The first is in condemnation, and the second is in the feeling of being right.
Most people get angry because of grievances that they themselves have made up, giving deep meaning to trifles.
No one is able to offend you without your consent.
I still don't understand why people stay angry at each other for a long time. Life is already unforgivably short, it’s impossible to really do anything, there is so little time that, one might say, it doesn’t exist at all, even if you don’t spend it on all sorts of stupid things like quarrels.
Max Fry
No matter for what reason you were insulted, it is best not to pay attention to the insult - after all, stupidity is rarely worthy of indignation, and anger is best punished with neglect.
Samuel Johnson
If a donkey kicks you, don't kick him back.Plutarch
Resentment is actually a way of leaving and protecting one's own "I". (Rollo May - The Art of Psychological Counseling)
There is such a childish-adult expression: “You can’t offend me.” When you begin to believe in it, it is holy, without reservations, without background, without the slightest anger from afar, without hints to find out: what will happen later, when resentment and punishment occur? Without the slightest millisubatom of negativity towards those who offended, or who can - and so, when you believe that everything is exactly so, then everything is EXACTLY SO. When you believe in something non-negative, not cycling on bad options, catching only good, kind waves in your thoughts, swinging on them, no matter how sickening, cloying, scary, unpleasant ... - when you catch and hold in yourself this warm, kind inexplicable (and there is no need to explain it!), then this good remains with you. Inside. And where there is warmth of positive inside, there is no place for the opposite. There is no place for everything that can be imagined and imagined when people offended us, sometimes undeservedly.
But what is "undeserved" in our concept, that is, another lesson - for life practice and for potential wisdom. Without complaining, without getting irritated, learning to walk along the path unpreparedly through hardened nails, broken glass, the unthinkable coldness of the soul and someone’s deep prickly hearts, through the thirst for communication, seemingly insatiable at a certain moment, through all unpredictable, probably, but unprecedented the gravity and negativity of the event - all that remains to prevent inside oneself - the growth of gallantly rooting seeds of bile, sarcasm, painful fears, and pain, and pain, and cold. Do not allow these seeds to germinate. But to remain yourself in these irresistible for the heart and for the soul, and for you the probabilities of life ... But, everything will change faster and faster towards the sun, and the fog will still be lost from indifference to this weather. If you do not cycle on seeds that are ready to grow and change us, making us the same as those who allowed themselves to offend us. It may be an imaginary or real feeling of infringement, but if it has already arisen inside, then ... then there is such a childish-adult expression: "I cannot be offended." And if you begin to believe in it exactly sacredly, without reservations, without background, without the slightest anger from afar, without hints to find out: what will happen later, when resentment and punishment occur, then all “punishments” - the most important for the offenders - will occur without offended. After all, punishments are all the same lessons. Do we have the right to infringe on the ego, to want punishment for those who are involved? Are we able to punish in such and such a way as Providence will do in its own way, not known to us?
There is such a good expression "you can not offend me." It must be remembered so that the dashing tries to be aloof. And if you had to, there will be punishment. Stronger many times over. But not from us. Wishing us an answer in offense is the least that can be in the existing variety of punishment.
And our unwillingness to offend us in return gives the Higher options for the independent creation of new lessons. Let's not interfere with these people's lessons. You don't have to love everyone around you. Loving the world that created us is more real. And with him and with love inside, you can live and give it to those who want to accept it.
Good luck to us.
Have you ever been in a situation where you don't understand what is going on?
Everything you have planned goes to hell. Everything around you starts to crumble. All events do not happen the way you intended. In every, even the smallest thing, there is a hitch. And even in elementary matters, such as putting money on the phone.
You startle in bewilderment from another failure, even at the household level. And when a trauma in a child joins the black stripe ...
WHAT do you personally do in this case?
1. You can urgently call a friend and wash everything thoroughly. Every failed moment in those three days. That is, to merge your negativity and your irritation on your girlfriend. Moreover, the girlfriend begins to merge something of her own in response, and now you are mired in low-vibration conversations for a couple of hours, at least.
2. You can make scandals right at the scene. After all, it is the employees of the companies that are to blame for your entire black stripe, isn’t it? It is they who are not professional consultants, and it is because of them that everything goes to hell for you.
3. You can take out the brain of your husband and children, because they always crawl under your arm and drink your blood. Especially now, when you are ready to explode at any moment from the next failure in this never-ending three-day black streak. Moreover, yesterday my daughter managed to fall in the bathroom and injured her leg, and you stick around in our health care all day, gradually boiling like a kettle.
And you can do it in a completely different way. You need to look back for some time and see what you did wrong again.
I know when you're fighting with everyone you meet on the way to work or home all day, well, yes, you are so cool and ALWAYS answer word for word. Or when at the end of the working day you go to a store or public transport, and there is such an irritant and you break down and start to “teach everyone how to live” or, again, pour out your discontent on those around you. Or, even worse, you come home and your family wants love and attention from you, and you ... in general, everything becomes crowded.
It seems to me that I have given enough examples of the average burst of aggression. And what a sin to hide, we are all subject to this. Nobody taught us that it is possible in a different way.
Do a very simple task right now. Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down point by point those events in your life that you repeat from time to time, from year to year.
1. The child is sick again.
2. Again a new husband, and even worse than the previous one.
3. I crashed the car again.
4. Again I am without money.
5. She lost her job again.
My personal points are a little different. But I have listed the gist. If you constantly repeat some events in your life, then you are in ... Hmm. This is where the wording is needed so that you can understand what I'm talking about. All people call this state of recurring events in different ways. The main name is the terrible and obscure word Karma. I would call it - Running on the spot.
That is, we, like squirrels in a wheel, run in circles. There is some kind of hopelessness - you know what I mean?
Let me bring personal example to make it clearer. My brain has an innate ability to look for loopholes in financial programs. The same 1C. I know that experts will argue that it is infallible, and it is impossible to hack it. But facts are stubborn things.
1. For the first break-in, I bought my first car. That is, you understand, right? I stole money from my employer.
2. On the second burglary, already from another employer, I bought chic furniture.
Do not try to analyze the amounts, this is secondary. Primarily different. As soon as I stole other people's money, the Universe saw it and returned it to me with the same coin, but with a tenfold force of the rollback.
In the first case, the husband gets into an accident and believe me, then we were left without panties, because the husband drove into the wrong person. Well, you know how it happens))).
After the second incident, my husband got hooked on slot machines.
That is, I had to stop and think, what am I doing wrong in this life? After all, millions of people steal, but for them everything goes with impunity. Why can't I?????
Namely, I can't! And it doesn't matter why! It's just that the consequences of my actions are too destructive for my life. And me, how cut off! I remembered for the rest of my life that I SHOULD NOT steal! And I teach my children the same - We do not take someone else's!
It was the first run on the spot that I managed to stop. Just believe me, life immediately changed, and I always, later, had a super job and loyal directors.
But today I'm talking about something else. Three weeks ago, the supermarket near our house had a malfunction and we were charged twice for a basket of groceries. Once per card. Second time in cash.
The administrator invited to the cash desks assured us that the money would be returned in a day, they had already done this.
A week goes by and there is no money on the card. I approach this administrator and in a very quiet and calm voice tell her that if this situation repeats, then a personal Armageddon awaits her. Do you know how you can arrange a quick and victorious war in such cases? No? And I know. And even if my resources are not enough for this, I am still very convincing in such cases. I actually saw how the administrator presented the picture that I painted, and she really got scared. Do you understand? I really offended the person. You don't even have to yell and swear to do it. You can quietly bring a person to a state of terrible panic inside. But not a single insult was uttered.
Only the whole point is that the money came that same evening. And I didn't know about it. And, in fact, I offended a person just like that. Only because I know how to operate with words and know psychological things.
Retribution came exactly a week later. First, Sberbank blocked all my cards, and I was left without money at all 150 km from home. Then it took me a lot of time and nerves, oh, you better not know what. Then MTS fucked me. Then, then, then. And yesterday, the daughter went to the shower and ... So, moms, just imagine HOW your child is crying in the bathroom, and you can’t even get into it, because on that very day she decided to close herself in the bathroom. And in the morning she can't even step on her foot, and you drop everything and take her to the hospital. And taking into account the specifics of a small town and Monday, you start howling right there, in the hospital, because the line is simply endless and you have definitely skipped work today, and this minus is in the salary, and ahead New Year…
And suddenly it dawns on me that I recently offended a person. But the universe does not know how to do such perversions, and it punishes me in all spheres of life that are important to me.
People! Wake up! There are no black bars! There is only me and my attitude towards people! My gift to own a word was not given to me so that I offend people and scare them to gray hair.
My every word and deed will come back to me, and yours to you. Only the return line will be reinforced. Each of us will live the entire spectrum of resentment, anger and pain that we have given to another person.
People! Stop! Stop for a moment and think WHY do we offend other people? Why do we take all our anger out on them?
Why do we make it so that this terrible wave of pullback returns and overwhelms us with another black stripe?
Your running in circles is only your personal actions. If the situation repeats itself again and again, it means that it is YOU who create it again and again.
Think about WHAT your repetitive actions cause bad events in your life to repeat. And stop doing it!
Remember WHAT exactly you do over and over again and what consequences you get for these actions.
For myself, I know exactly what I can not do. I can't HURT PEOPLE!
After all, I have known about this for a long time, and I try very hard to follow this rule. Now I know that I can't bully people. Otherwise, punishment will overtake very quickly.
What do you have? Do you already know what you can't do?
