Test for parents to determine the child's self-esteem. Test for determining children's self-esteem "Steps

Olga Davydova, an expert at the MENTORI National Mentoring Resource Center of Rybakov Fonda, tells the story.

Adequate self-esteem is what determines the success (and happy comfort, which is much more important) of a child in studies, hobbies, communication with peers, classmates, friends and parents.

When it comes to the current generation, you can hear two opposing points of view. First: “Oh, these introverted children, they sit at home and don’t show their nose out the door.” The second: “Oh, these impudent youth, they should take the crown off their heads!”

Method 1: Check if the conditions are too high

If your child shows anxiety symptoms(statements in the style of “I am a nonentity”, depression, secrecy, cynicism), first analyze the reason. It may be trite that your requirements are simply incommensurable with the possibilities.

In grades 5-6, Olya was an excellent student and a favorite of teachers. The frank dislike of the whole class did not prevent her from participating in competitions and furiously pulling her hand before anyone else, annoying with the questions “What's next?”. Nevertheless, both Olya herself and her parents understood that the “best” position was rather situational, and interpersonal relationships that have developed in the class (it came to fights with the “upstart”) will not be brought to good. Olya was transferred to a gymnasium in a neighboring city, the program of which was distinguished by an increased level of complexity. And what do you think? In the 7th grade, Olya began to have problems with self-esteem. And how did you want? 30 people in the class, and all the "geniuses", "upstarts" and activists.

Think that perhaps it’s just that your child’s environment has changed: you transferred him to a lyceum, the class became specialized - mathematical, classmates go to a tutor without exception in English. A teenager may quite rightly develop an inferiority complex. Do not make excessive demands on him and never compare with others in his favor. Analyze the situation together.

Method 2. Opinion of peers

For teenagers, the opinion of peers is the truth in the highest instance. So if "Katya, Vasya and Mark said that I look like an idiot," then your opinion is unlikely to help correct the situation. Exhortations in the style of "Who do you trust more?" won't help. Your child trusts you, but the youth around trusts you. And you shouldn't blame him for it. If appearance really affects the self-esteem of your teenager, it is better to meet him halfway. But only if he can reason why green color he needs hair, not his classmates.

Think at the family council what is more important to you: a downtrodden teenage girl with a killed self-esteem or the principles that torn jeans or informal clothes are not for the Ivanov family. The child will outgrow the color of the hair, and the corsets, and the ears on the rim.

Another case is if there is real bullying at school. For nationality, for funny speech defects, for being an excellent student / thin / fat - the choice of children is cruel and specific. Take a closer look at who your teen hangs out with, and if you find out that his low self-esteem is the result of targeted bullying, then simply transfer him to another school. The psyche of children breaks down very easily, so a new round of the war for justice can be postponed, it is better to act.

Method 3. Praise

Do you like it when your boss praises you? Let him not give an increase, let KPIs not be met, as they are shamelessly overpriced! But one small "Clever!" and “Thank you, you are a real leader” make you smile and be sincerely happy for yourself. And after all, mind you, bosses do not praise just like that - only for deeds.

The same with teenagers. For the good - praise, for the unworthy - scold, so as not to bring down the value orientations. The main thing - never get personal, talk only about actions. Not "Sasha, you're an idiot", but "Sasha, it was very unwise to forget the keys to the house." And not “Katya, don’t act like a fool!”, But “Katya, it doesn’t suit you at all to be killed like that because of the four.”

“Can’t you, or what?”, “Even Sasha from a neighboring yard can, get together!”, “Is that how girls behave?”

Firstly, any gender binding of the qualities “You are a girl, be careful”, “You are a boy, be stronger” damages the child’s self-awareness. You have to be neat and strong, because you good man, "my beloved son" and "I'm worried about you."

Secondly, any comparison with another child/person deals a huge blow to self-esteem. Never compare those you love with another object of attention. If your husband tells you: “Sveta, don’t doubt yourself, you are beautiful, here is Katya, my colleague, she has no doubts, she is always confident and therefore attracts attention!” - it is unlikely to cheer you up. What is Katya? Why is Katya here? Why should I be like Katya?

How to do it

Depending on the age of the child, you have two behaviors: “Come on together” and “You will definitely succeed, let's try again, and if anything, I will help you.”

If the child is not old enough, you can try to overcome difficulties together. If we are talking about a teenager, then you should not do for your son or daughter what he or she can do on their own. Such a struggle with difficulties will not benefit self-esteem, since the feeling of satisfaction from solving a difficult task will not come. You can prompt and direct, but support should not be excessive.

Method 5. Develop your talent

Every person has a talent, or, in the language of entrepreneurs, a competitive advantage. You can endlessly try to improve what does not work out - this was discussed in the previous paragraph about overcoming difficulties. But strengthening the "favorite" sides is your chance to have a self-confident child.

So, if your child draws well, send him to courses, and if he loves football, sign up for a team and find a good coach. If you are good at sewing yourself, start making designer toys and share your success with your friends. If you are good at photography - go to a city or studio photo shoot Go to a master class, learn how to do something unusual: colored cupcakes, tin crafts, woolen toys, anything!

4. Go to the theater or museum, always in the company, so that later you can discuss what you see. Try writing an essay on the same topic.

5. Sign up for a gym, start running, or work out at home. Daily pride for the difficulties you have overcome is provided to you.

6. Do something that is not typical for you: go to the shooting gallery, shoot from the bow, if you are already an enviable "silovik", then go to the ball - a historical reenactment.

7. Get yourself a hobby. Not a temporary hobby, but a favorite thing. Write poems, draw by numbers, cook new dishes every week. Collecting is also, of course, a hobby, but it is better if it is creative, not consumer.

8. Smile more often. Our brain reacts positively even to a “fake” smile.

9. Talk to people who love you. Talk about everything that surrounds you, what happened during the day, what you read in the book. Organize family meetings and a discussion club a couple of times a week.

10. Get a "Notebook of Success" or several different checklists with challenges to yourself. Write down in a notebook everything that happened, even if it's some kind of trifle. Sheets can be thematic: “10 places in hometown where I've been", "30 new words I've learned", "10 new books to read", "5 bad habits that I'm struggling with." A banal checkmark next to a random item improves your mood, believe me!

In order for a child to successfully adapt in society, feel happy and be successful in life, he needs to have a positive self-image. How is it formed children self-esteem?

In junior school age authoritative for the child is the opinion of significant adults: teachers, parents. They influence the formation of self-esteem. If adults respect the child, appreciate his personal qualities, always note even minor successes, then he develops adequate self-esteem. If parents are indifferent to the problems and needs of the child, and for any failure they ridicule or punish, then he develops inadequately low self-esteem.

The style of family education how does it affect the self-esteem of the baby. In families where parents adhere to an authoritarian parenting style, children often have low self-esteem. Since parents, trying to put the child in a dependent position, deliberately underestimate his self-esteem. Of course, in most cases this is done unconsciously.

If parents, in raising a child, indulge in every whim, biasedly evaluate his successes, praise him just like that, they say that everything is allowed for the child, then he develops an inadequately low self-esteem.

Self-esteem affects all areas of a person's life and determines his success in various types activities.

At children with high self-esteem may have learning and behavioral problems. Such children do not notice their failures, consider them accidental or blame others for them. It is difficult for them to admit that failures are the result of their own mistakes, laziness or wrong behavior. They put themselves above their classmates. If the teacher does not call the work of such a student the best, then he defiantly shows his discontent and protest. Often these children become aggressive and irritable.

Children with low self-esteem self-doubt, timid, do not set difficult tasks for themselves, are too critical of themselves, hard to experience failure. They begin to live in the world of their own fantasies, often making up stories about their successes in order to look better in the eyes of others.

TEST

Check Your Self-Esteem at your child. Draw a ladder of 10 steps and ask the child to place people he knows and himself on the steps. Explain that the higher a person is on the rung, the better they are. It is very interesting. Pay attention, if the kid drew one of his peers above himself, then he evaluates himself worse in comparison with them. Pay attention to what step the image of the child himself is on. It is believed that with adequate self-esteem, the child will draw himself on the steps from 4 to 9. For children of preschool and primary school age, the location of “himself” on the upper steps from 5 to 10 is considered normal.

“Now, show me which step your mother (dad, teacher, etc.) would put you on.” See if there is a discrepancy between where the child puts himself and where (in his opinion) other people would put him. Usually, the question put in this way gives a more accurate result about children's self-esteem.

It should be noted that self-esteem can change under the influence of circumstances. Therefore, be careful in your statements and criticism of the child. Accept your children as they are. Because the future of your child depends only on you.

Child's self-esteem

What is self-assessment?

This how a person evaluates himself, his abilities, actions. We constantly compare ourselves with others, and on the basis of this comparison we develop an opinion about ourselves, about our capabilities and abilities, about our character traits and human qualities. This is how our self-esteem gradually develops. Adequate self-esteem allows a person to correlate his strengths with tasks of varying difficulty and the requirements of others. Inadequate (underestimated or overestimated) deforms the inner world, interferes with harmonious development.

Self-esteem begins to develop in early childhood. Often we hear: "You are already so big, but you haven't learned how to tie your shoelaces (eat porridge, read, etc.!"). Parents do not think about the fact that it is from their assessments, first of all, that the child's opinion about himself is formed; later, at school age, he will learn to evaluate his own abilities, successes and failures. It is in the family that the child learns whether he is loved, whether he is accepted for who he is, whether success or failure accompanies him.

How is the level of self-esteem manifested in behavior?

Activity, resourcefulness, cheerfulness, sense of humor, sociability, desire to make contact - these are the qualities that are characteristic of children with adequate self-esteem. They willingly participate in games, they are not offended if they turn out to be losers.

Passivity, suspiciousness, increased vulnerability, resentment are often characteristic of children with low self-esteem. They do not want to participate in games, because they are afraid to be worse than others, and if they participate in them, they are often offended. Sometimes children who are given a negative assessment in the family tend to compensate for this in communication with their peers. They want to always and everywhere be the first and take it to heart if they fail to do so.

With inflated self-esteem, children strive to be better than others in everything. Often you can hear from such a child: "I am the best (strong, beautiful). You should all listen to me". He is often aggressive with those children who also want to be leaders.

This, of course , very brief descriptions . But, maybe, one of you, dear parents, recognized your child?

TEST " LADDER"(test" Ten steps")

Do you want to check your kid's self-esteem? This is easy to do with test "Ladder". It has been used since the age of 3.

Draw on a piece of paper or cut out a ladder of 10 steps. Now show it to your child and explain that on the lowest step are the worst (evil, envious, etc.) boys and girls, on the second step - a little better, on the third even better, and so on. But on the very top step are the smartest (good, kind) boys and girls. It is important that the child correctly understands the location on the steps, so you can ask him about it again. Now ask on which step would he stand? Let him draw himself on this step or put a doll. So you have completed the task, it remains to draw conclusions.

• If a child puts himself on the first, 2nd, 3rd steps from below, then he low self-esteem.
• If on the 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, then average (adequate).
• A if it is on the 8th, 9th, 10th, then self-esteem overpriced.

But for preschool children, self-esteem is considered too high if the kid constantly puts himself on the 10th step.

What what to do if your child's self-esteem is inadequate (strongly overestimated or underestimated)? The level of self - esteem can change , especially during preschool years . Each of our appeal to the child, each evaluation of his activities, reaction to successes and failures - all this affects the attitude of the baby towards himself. That is, we can help the child form an adequate self-esteem.

Tips for parents interested in the formation of adequate self-esteem

• Do not protect the child from everyday affairs, do not try to solve all the problems for him, but do not overload him either. Let the kid help with the cleaning, water the flower himself, enjoy what he has done and deserve the praise. There is no need to put before him overwhelming tasks, for which he is simply not yet mature enough.
• Do not overpraise the child, but do not forget to encourage when he deserves it. If the baby has been able to eat with a spoon for a long time, you do not need to praise for it every time, but if he managed to eat neatly, without smearing porridge all over the table, be sure to mark this achievement.
• Encourage initiative in your child.
• Do not forget that the baby is carefully watching you. Show by example the adequacy of the attitude to successes and failures. Compare: “Mom didn’t make a cake, well, nothing, next time we’ll put more flour” / “Horror! The cake didn’t work! I’ll never bake again!”
• Do not compare your child with other children. Compare it with yourself (what it was yesterday or will be tomorrow).
• Do not be afraid to sincerely love your child and show him your love!

Games that will help you get to know your child better, form and maintain adequate self-esteem

"Name"

You can invite the child to come up with a name for himself that he would like to have, or leave his own. Ask why he does not like or like his name, why would he like to be called differently. This game can give additional information about the kid's self-esteem. After all, often giving up one's name means that the child is dissatisfied with himself or wants to be better than he is now.

"Playing Situations"

The child is offered situations in which he must portray himself. Situations can be different, invented or taken from the child's life. Other roles during the acting out are performed by one of the parents or other children. Sometimes it's good to switch roles. Situation examples:

-- You participated in the competition and took first place, and your friend was almost last. He is very upset, help him calm down.

-- Mom brought 3 oranges, you and your sister (brother), how will you share them? Why ?

-- The guys from your group are playing an interesting game in kindergarten, and you were late, the game has already begun. Ask to be accepted into the game. What will you do if the children do not want to accept you? (This game will help your child learn effective behaviors and use them in real life.)

"Blind Man's Buff"

Don't be surprised, this old, well-known game is very useful: it will help your child feel like a leader, which, if successful, can have a significant impact on self-esteem. You can play the classic "Zhmurki" (blindfolded "Zhmurki" looks for children by voice and guesses who it is by touch); you can give a bell in the hands of children, etc.

"Mirror "

In this The game can be played together with a child or with several children. The child looks into the "mirror", which repeats all his movements, gestures, facial expressions. The "mirror" can be a parent or another child. You can portray not yourself, but someone else, "Mirror" must guess, then switch roles. The game helps the child to open up, to feel more free, uninhibited.

You can play "Hide and Seek", and "Shop", and just inflate the balloons, who is faster. The main thing is that the child successfully copes with tasks and learns to lose with dignity.

Hello, hello parents!

From the age of two, self-esteem is already beginning to form in a baby, he begins to understand and realize the importance of his arrival and can, in a sense, be responsible for his actions and even actions.

In the future, this will directly affect his life status, his social position, relationships with other people.

Self-esteem, both an adult and a small child plays a direct role in his life and is directly related to his personal successes and achievements. Of course, and plays an important role in this.

Therefore, it is so important to treat its formation precisely in the preschool period, when the foundation is laid. If it is not too skewed in one direction or another, it can be corrected in subsequent years.

But as they say, it's better to do everything on time and less need to be corrected later.

What makes up a child's self-esteem? On what does its distortion depend? How not to make mistakes or correct existing ones? How to know a child's self-esteem?

How is it formed?

A small child's opinion of himself begins to form at the age of 2.5 - 3 years through experience when he wants to try to do everything himself. The second indicator of formation is, this is the main incentive for the further implementation of certain actions.

Often at this age, kids do certain things in order to be noticed, first for their mother: the child draws and runs, shows his image to his mother, or hangs on the horizontal bar with one hand and shouts to his mother to look as he can. Intervenes in adult conversations with his "urgent" request.

It is important to pay attention to all this, not to ignore, but to correct, stimulate, encourage, explain, gently guide in the right direction.

I repeat, first this is for the mother and the inner circle where the child rotates, then for the educator, teacher, coach, and then for the girl she likes, and so on. This is how our life develops, and all this is layered, formed, and it is molded like a layer cake, a person's self-esteem.

How to determine?

To determine the self-esteem of your child, it is not at all necessary to be a child psychologist, all kinds of tests, games, and the very behavior of the child will tell you about it.

In a child and in an adult, it can be overestimated, underestimated and adequate.

With normal (adequate) self-esteem, a person evaluates his strengths and capabilities as they really are, without any resentment towards himself or others. This does not lead to discomfort. An adult, knowing his strengths and weaknesses, can use for his own purposes. Such people are cheerful and optimistic.

Signs of low self-esteem

Low self-esteem brings a lot sorrow and grief to its owner. The child turns into an inveterate pessimist.

1. Very vulnerable and touchy, often naughty, crying. He is filled with self-doubt and self-doubt. Feels embarrassment, excitement, anxiety, more often retires or closes.
2. Pay attention to the words he uses in conversation: I can't, I can't do it, they will do better.
3. He does not even try to take the initiative, he is sure that he will not succeed anyway or someone else will do better than him.
4. Does not participate in social events and team games. It is difficult for a child to be in a team, play and contact with other children.
5. There is no perseverance, aspiration, no goal.

And the longer this happens, the more self-esteem falls. Pay attention to what society your child rotates in, who are his friends, what kind of relationship do they have with your child?

Signs of high self-esteem

Heightened self-esteem no better than an underestimated one, since the reverse side of the same coin. The opposite extreme.

Self-esteem can change throughout life, but its main formation occurs in early age which can be quite difficult to change. Children's complexes, grievances, unfulfilled hopes and dreams are laid here.

There are many options for determining a child's self-esteem. After reviewing them, you can simply observe your child from time to time, but you can draw specific conclusions after six years. Then the child can already perceive himself as a separate person, respond and be aware of his actions, evaluate his strength. Observe and listen to your child:

We look at which little man the child chose red and which green. what he wants to be and what he really is. To make it clear, the little men are numbered.

The choice of men under the numbers 1, 3, 6, 7 characterizes the installation to overcome obstacles.

№ 2, 11, 12, 18, 19 - a good relationship with others, sociability.

No. 4 - stability of the situation (desire to achieve success without overcoming difficulties).

No. 5 - fatigue, general weakness, a small margin of strength, shyness.

No. 9 - motivation for fun.

No. 13, 21 - detachment, isolation, anxiety.

No. 8 - detachment, withdrawal into oneself.

No. 10, 15 - comfortable condition, normal adaptation.

No. 14 - crisis, depression.

No. 20 is often chosen by children with high self-esteem.

If the child has chosen little man No. 16 or No. 17, be sure to specify what exactly the child sees. The important thing here is that #16 carries #17, not that they are playing or cuddling.

4.Methodology for assessing "Circles". The figure below shows circles. Imagine that these mugs are people. Which circle do you see yourself in?

If the child points to the third or fourth circle from the left, it means that he adequately perceives the features of his “I-image”, is aware of his integrity and accepts himself.

When pointing to the first circle, has an overestimated self-esteem.

Typical mistakes of parents

The development of a child's self-esteem occurs gradually and is formed by the imposition of several factors. First of all, if there is an imbalance, then close family members play a direct role in this: his parents, brothers and sisters, grandmothers and grandfathers:

And there are billions of such examples, even sometimes we do not attach much importance to them, they happen as if by themselves. But the child is still the same sponge that absorbs and absorbs everything.

Also, if the child tried, did crafts or drew, he happily shows his creation to his mother with inspiration, but the mother, busy with household chores, did not show sufficient interest. The child is disappointed, he thinks that his mother did not like it, the incentive for further creativity is lost if this happens regularly.

IN school years the child begins to be evaluated not only by the close environment, but also by teachers, coaches and other people. There is a comparison of him with other guys, their attitude towards him. How many friends does he have and whether they have any at all, their relationship. All this leads to the formation of an opinion about oneself.

How to develop self-esteem in a child

Evaluate actions, not the child himself don't get personal. You didn't wash the dishes, you got a bad mark, you didn't do your homework, so you're bad. You walked the dog, cleaned the apartment, went to the store - well done! It is so important to understand and separate the actions themselves from the child. “I don’t like what you did, you did it wrong,” this is how a child learns to control his own actions and not project experiences onto himself as a person.

Always say what you like, what you don't like, how to do it, how not to do it. At an early age, up to 5 years, the child intuitively identifies his actions with the reaction of adults. If they didn’t make a remark to him, didn’t explain it, then it’s not bad, it’s normal.

Always explain to your child what to do and what not to do and why. The child needs to hear it from you, and not read your thoughts and guess and draw erroneous conclusions on their own.

Evaluate actions correctly . There is no need to overly admire and praise the child for ordinary everyday activities. Yes, emphasize that he helped you - now you will have time to play together, that's good. Praise good deeds, correct and correct behavior for mischief. Know the measure.

Don't manipulate, don't threaten child, do not blackmail with your feelings: if he does not, then you will not love him, if you do not tidy up your room right now, you will not go to camp for the weekend.

Give your child a variety of requests more often. : help you peel potatoes, take out the trash, tidy up the apartment. This makes the child more independent and responsible, which plays an important role in the formation of self-esteem.

Ask your child to do what he can do, what he can do . Then he will help you with pleasure. If you give your child constantly overwhelming tasks, this will negatively affect the formation of his self-esteem.

If the child is at fault, control your emotions, speech and tone . In a rush, we can say different things. Try not to compare the child with other children, do not generalize what happened: you, as always, do not look under your feet, you are always dirty.

If you still couldn’t resist, you said something - have the courage to apologize even to the smallest child. This will inspire his confidence, and by your example he will understand what is needed and you can apologize, there is nothing reprehensible in this.

Respect your child regardless of his age . Consider his opinion and desire, but do not confuse it with laziness and arrogance.

Work on bugs together . If the child has done something wrong, or cannot do it, cheer him up: let's do it differently next time and it will definitely work out.

Remember that the self-esteem of a small child directly depends on the influence of the adult environment. Love your child, don't be afraid to tell him nice words and hug daily.

In conclusion, I would like to note that in preschool age can still be improved. If you find alarming bells, do not panic, this is the state of affairs at the moment and take corrective measures.

With age, a child's self-esteem can be formed without your participation, because the child revolves not only in the family circle, he has his own friends and acquaintances, his own victories and failures.

It is in your power to solve and fix everything, dear parents!

Bye, bye, until we meet again!