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Communication with classmates at school. How to build good relationships with classmates (based on psychological publications)

Organizing time. Introductory speech by the class teacher.

– Good evening dear parents! I am glad to welcome you to the meeting. Thank you for taking the time to come to our meeting. I would like to start the meeting with the words of a famous writer A. de Saint-Exupery "The only real luxury is the luxury of human communication." The family provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation that has developed in the class team. But often they notice before teachers that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he bad relationship with classmates. What to do? So, today we will talk about how to help your child build relationships with classmates. I invite the teacher-psychologist of the crisis center to the conversation.

– There are many statements about friendship, both by thinkers of antiquity and modernity. They all tried to understand what friendship is:

“The only way to have a friend is to be one yourself.” - emerson.

"Without friendship, life is nothing." - Cicero.

“Happiness never put a person on such a height that he would not need a friend.” - Seneca.

- The guys and I at the classroom discussed a serious interesting topic"Friend, friendship, laws of friendship." The children were asked to think about the question, what does “friendship” mean and why do people need it?

- I'm sure you, as parents, want your children to have reliable, loyal friends. Have you ever wondered what true friendship is? Agree, because friendship is different. Surely, if you now conduct an “audit” of your acquaintances, you will see that not all of them fit the definition of a FRIEND. For the most part, these are just friends - you can communicate with them, go somewhere together, arrange holidays, etc., but if something serious is involved, then you can hardly wait for help from them.

So are your children. There is a confusion between the concepts of "friends" and "friends". Those whom they call friends, by and large, are not. in the lower grades, friendship often develops for random reasons (they live side by side, sit at the same desk, parents are friends, etc.). They meet with friends for sports, games, walks or studies. And with a friend they usually share their dreams, feelings, worries, experiences. And although friendships do not grow to the heights of friendship until the age of 10, nevertheless, friends, as a rule, call themselves best friends.

Teacher: the day before class hour I asked the guys to write essay on my friend.

– Student responses will give you an idea of the character interpersonal relationships Guys. So, for some schoolchildren, a friend, first of all, is a protector (“will not leave you in trouble”, “protects if you are beaten”, “always intercedes, pulls you out of trouble”); for others, a friend is an assistant (“helps when it’s difficult”, “always supports”, “helps to cope with studies”). Many children single out a friend as a partner in a game, constructive communication (“We always play together with a friend”, “We never quarrel with him”, “You can always find a common language with friends, even if we have different opinions”). A friend acts as a partner in confidential communication (“You can tell your best friend a secret”, “You can trust a friend”, “You can tell him about your love”). A friend for some guys is an understanding native person(“This person understands you”, “A friend always understands you and believes”, “A friend is the one with whom he is inseparable”, “This is the best person, not counting the parents”). A leisure partner is also a friend (“You can have a good time with a friend”, “It’s never boring to walk with him”, “With a friend I like to go shopping, to the cinema, to any different places”).

- Thus, the answers give an idea of the value orientations of the children in interpersonal relationships, reveal the socio-psychological needs (in a safe dialogue, in psychological support, in establishing trusting relationships, in constructive communication, etc.). Each student has his own degree of expressiveness of needs and value orientations.

- It was interesting how girls “see” a friend, and how boys see them. Common in the answers of girls and boys: friend is a person: who can be trusted (“to tell secrets”, “to reveal a secret”); with whom you can organize joint activities (“walk together”, “go on a visit”); who will help in difficult times (“will tell you how to be”, “support”).
Differences in views are manifested mainly in different forms of relations. Girls

distinguish such qualities of a friend as the ability to sympathize, communicate confidentially; a friend for girls is very close person like a brother or sister.
That is, for girls, the emotional component of interpersonal relationships is more significant and valuable. Boys, on the other hand, highlight the activity characteristics of relationships more: “A friend will intercede if someone offends”, “You can play outdoor games with a friend”, “You can give him gifts”.

One student wrote that he communicates with friends not because they have expensive phones, that they are excellent students, but because he is interested in them.

Features of friendship in primary school age:

Folds over random motives .

Relations are fragile

Requirements

does not always apply to yourself

Consumer attitude
to friendship

– By the end of 4th grade many children mature for strong friendships, relationships with peers become more meaningful than study.

This manifests itself:

Why don't all kids have friends? What does the choice depend on? It may well be that the child is wrong in choosing a friend.

A necessary prerequisite for a lasting friendship is likely to be personal choice based on hard-to-define sympathy.

It is possible that such sympathy depends on shortcomings that the child vaguely finds in himself and does not see in the chosen partner: a spoiled one chooses an independent one, a cowardly one chooses a brave one, a stupid one chooses a smart one, i.e. its opposite. Such a choice, most likely, will not become the basis of a lasting friendship.

completely without flaws? This does not happen and cannot be. In this case, the result of the search may be either the inability to find a friend, or disappointment in him.

Or maybe the child is looking for a friend in his own image and likeness only worse? With such a person, friendship will not last long, his stupidity will begin to annoy, and everything will end in a quarrel.

But still, as psychological studies have shown, the true basis for friendship depends on similarities, coincidences of interests, ways of thinking.

In order to find a friend to your liking, it is necessary, first of all, figure out in yourself, in your preferences and shortcomings, in the very concept of friendship.

Now let's talk about what hinders friendship. Perhaps the inability to establish friendships is associated with shyness, inability to communicate, ignorance elementary rules behavior. By the way, if the child is very closed, then classmates can instinctively provoke him to aggression in order to see what he will do in response and evaluate whether it is dangerous or not?

Maybe the child is almost always walks with a frown, rarely smiles? Would you like to build a relationship with a person who is constantly in a bad mood?

Maybe, doesn't study well? For an elementary school, this is a very important indicator.

Often offended? Resentment is also a type of aggression, a way of manipulating people, not everyone will like it if they are manipulated.

And maybe he nerd And crybaby, complains with or without reason? Such, for sure. Nobody loves.

Or alarmist, subject to constant causeless fear? After a month of communication with such a person, you will get very tired. A gloomy, pessimistic attitude to life can turn away friends from a child.

And maybe he braggart or know-it-all? Agree, a person who constantly teaches everyone and says that he can do better and tells everyone about everything becomes simply unbearable.

It happens that a person no sense of humor. It's very hard. There is always a tense atmosphere in the presence of such people. The people around are afraid not to offend such a person with a random joke. By the way, to have a sense of humor is not necessarily to be able to have fun and have fun. First of all, this is the ability to withstand life's difficulties, optimism, the ability to laugh, make fun of yourself, adequately accepting humor in your address too.

And yet they are not friends with liars and mean people, dirty and greedy people, with envious people and dishonorable people.

What do you need to do to find a friend?

Explain to the child that he:

did not hesitate to be kind, smiled more often - they are drawn to the kind and smiling;

respected and loved himself, then others will love him too - if a person does not love himself, then who will love him ?;

was simple and natural (excesses are often found in a child's environment).

Reminder for parents

For your part, as parents, you can do the following:

invite your child's classmates to visit, so you get to know them better and can control and influence their relationship;
help class teacher in conducting extracurricular activities, this will help to rally the class and, in addition, improve your relationship with your child;

give the child independence in choosing friends and resolving conflicts, and if you do intervene, then sort things out not with the offender, but with his parents, and not by phone, but in public - for example, on parent meeting;
teach not to be afraid of mistakes, talk about your problems in childhood, about how you experienced them and how you coped with them, by doing this you will reduce excessive anxiety and tension in your child, improve his behavior and attractiveness to peers;
allow negative emotions to show, because such a ban can cause difficulties in establishing relationships with people (for example, the child will avoid any physical contact, even for the purpose of protection; in physical education classes he will refuse to play basketball; he will cautiously throw a “snowball” made of paper); person living full life, allows himself to be both happy and angry; by the way, boyish fights are mainly the result of the need for tactile contact, since boys cannot satisfy this need in another way;
think about whether the child’s quarrels with friends are the result of your mistakes in his upbringing: if at home he is the center of the universe, then he expects the same attitude from other children, achieves his goal, provoking conflicts; if the child is abandoned, he feels resentment and anger - he takes out the feelings accumulated in his soul in quarrels; if he often witnesses quarrels between parents or other family members, they begin to imitate their behavior;
discuss with the child the causes of conflicts with friends, try to become a friend for him;
explain what a "code of friendship" is.

"Code of Friendship".

1. Share news.
2. Provide support, voluntarily help if necessary.
3. Try to make a friend feel good in your company.
4. Trust.
5. Protect a friend in his absence.
6. Don't criticize a friend in public.
7. Do not be pushy, do not teach.

- This does not mean at all that when you come home, you tell your child: “They don’t make friends with you because you…. Now I will teach you.” It's best to say like this: "I love you very much. You are wonderful to me, but sometimes you do not quite right: ... If you want to have friends, try to do the following: ... It is possible that not everything will work out right away, there will be mistakes. But you're just learning to be friends. I'm sure you'll get better with time."

- Thank you for your attention. We hope that our advice will be useful to you in raising your children.

What should parents do if the teacher scolded the child in front of classmates and the child became withdrawn?
What is the best thing to do if a child has a conflict at school, teachers or students make fun of him?

How to establish relationships with classmates, said a teacher-psychologist of the MBU City Center for Psychological, Medical and Social Support "Indigo" in Ufa Ekaterina Kudryavtseva.

The following symptoms may indicate that your child is not doing well in class.

Child:

goes to school reluctantly and is very glad of any opportunity not to go there;
returns from school depressed;
often crying for no apparent reason;
never mentions any of his classmates;
talks very little about his school life;
doesn't know who to call for lessons or refuses to call anyone at all;
all of a sudden (as it seems) refuses to go to school;
lonely: no one invites him to visit, for birthdays, and he does not want to invite anyone to his place.

How to help your child build relationships with classmates

Teach your child to be independent.
- You should not personally come to school to deal with the offenders of your child, it is better to notify the class teacher and psychologist.
- Do not rush to rush to protect the child in any conflict situation with classmates. Sometimes it is useful for a child to go through all the stages of the conflict - this will help him learn to solve many problems on his own.
- But when accustoming a child to independence, it is important not to overdo it and not miss a situation that the child is not able to cope with without the intervention of adults.
Understand the reasons, emphasizing the merits of the situation.
- Emotional benevolent support of a sensitive adult is needed. First, understand the reasons for the unpopularity of the child and try to eliminate them. Maybe it doesn't look very modern? Take care of his wardrobe and appearance. Too weak physically? Get him interested in some sport. Emphasize its merits at every opportunity. Do not skimp on praise, admire your child and do not forget that the child looks at himself through the eyes of a close adult.
- It is necessary to provide the child with everything that will allow him to meet the general school requirements. If black shorts are needed for physical education lessons, then pink shorts should not be offered to the child, believing that this is not important. It may not be important for the teacher, but classmates will tease the child. This does not mean that you have to follow the child's lead and buy him a hat. "like Lenka from 5" B "".
Take an interest in the affairs and life of the child.
- It is worth showing interest in the affairs of your child, but do it unobtrusively.
- If he doesn't say anything himself, watch him. Having noticed deviations in behavior, you need to go to school, talk with teachers about your child’s relationship with classmates, see how the child behaves in the classroom after school or at recess, on holidays: does he show initiative in communication, with whom he communicates, who communicates with him, etc.
- You can seek help from a school psychologist, it is easier for him to monitor children.
Involve the teacher in the problem.
- Remember: the position of the child in the classroom up to adolescence 90% depends on how the teacher treats him. And for first-graders - 100%. Therefore, if the child does not develop relationships with classmates, only the teacher will help solve the problem, giving the children a sign that she likes the child, that he has something (no matter what, at least wipe off the board) is the best, that he is important and needed in class.
- Be sure to warn the teacher about your child's problems (stuttering, having to take medications by the hour, etc.). Stuttering, tics, enuresis, encopresis, skin conditions should be monitored and treated if possible. All this can lead to ridicule from peers.
- Teach your child useful relationship skills: more active, friendlier, standing up for yourself, and when necessary, holding back and giving in. And remember: the more confident the child feels, the easier these skills are given to him. It would be useful to ask the class teacher to support his son or daughter, perhaps to involve him in some important matter, which will increase his prestige in the eyes of others. But it cannot be ruled out that in children's team in fact, the situation is too unhealthy, and then it would be better to transfer the child to another school.
Teach your child how to make friends.
- It is necessary to teach the child to reckon with the opinions of others, to find compromises, to learn tolerance and accommodating. According to psychologists, at least one mutual affection in the classroom makes a child more self-confident and provides him with a more comfortable existence in a team compared to a child who is chosen by many, but not by those whom he chooses.
- Having friends is a very important part of a child's emotional well-being. Regardless of age, a friend for a child is someone with whom it is interesting, who will support, with whom you can do something together, this is the feeling that you are not alone and someone is interested. Growing up, the child puts more serious and deep relationships into the concept of friendship.
Break stereotypes.
- Encourage your child to change behavior. After all, if the stereotype has developed, then any act is predictable. The child behaves according to the pattern set by others. But if he reacts to standard circumstances in an unexpected way, then perhaps he will be able not only to puzzle his pursuers, but also to take a step towards overcoming the current situation. For example, you can offer the child, instead of starting to cry or hitting everyone in a row, look into the eyes of the offenders and calmly ask: "So what?"— or start laughing with them. In general, do something that is not expected of him at all.
- Attention! If the situation has gone too far, for example, the child is constantly humiliated or beaten, react immediately. First of all, protect the child from communication with offenders - do not send him to school. Dealing with offenders is not the most important thing (although you should not leave them unpunished - they will choose a new victim for themselves). It is important to help the child survive the psychological trauma, therefore, most likely, he will have to be transferred to another class. The child will need to learn not to be afraid of peers and trust them.
Speak words of love that give confidence. The parent is the "producer" of their child's talents. In conversations with a child or in his presence, one should not give assessments to other adults (parents, teachers), children. Speak to your child often words that testify to unconditional love and build self-confidence.
- I love you. I trust you. I'm on your side.
- How would you do it yourself? How can you change the situation yourself?
- Everything will work out perfectly in the best safe way for you.
- You are strong, you are smart, you are capable, don't give up.
- You will succeed. I'm proud of you.
- How was your day?
- How can I help?
- Thank you for helping me.
Create a social circle for your child.
- It is necessary to help organize communication for the child, create an appropriate environment. It is not enough just to send him to a suitable team, invite the children home, if possible, get to know their parents. Most importantly, gently create an acceptable social circle for the child (this should be taken care of while the child is still small). It can be the children of your friends, classmates, any club, circle, section, in a word, any society that unites people with similar interests and is friendly to each other.
Learn to say "no".
- Do not try to completely protect the child from negative experiences. IN Everyday life it is impossible to avoid anger, resentment or confrontation with cruelty. It is important to teach children to resist aggressors without becoming like them.
- The child should be able to say "no", not to succumb to the provocations of his comrades, to treat failures with humor, to know that it is sometimes more correct to devote adults to their problems than to figure it out on their own, and be sure that relatives will not dismiss him, but will help and support in difficult times.

School is a place where you learn and gain knowledge. Yes, you can't argue with that. But everything is not limited to lessons, teachers and homework. You spend most of your time at school and, whether you like it or not, you have to communicate with a variety of people - your classmates and classmates.

It's great if the class is friendly and the guys treat each other well. However, you yourself know: no matter how good relations in the class are, quarrels, showdowns and conflicts cannot be avoided. In addition, there will always be a few students who are disliked. They are not friends with them and do not even communicate, and if they do, it all comes down to teasing to offend or hurt a nerve. Being rejected is something you don't want for anyone.

Who gets rejected? Why is this happening and what to do if you are one of them?

Outcasts - a stigma for the whole school life?

Your family accepts you for who you are. Parents love you not for something, but simply because you exist. Of course, you are used to being treated with love.

But at school it's different. A class is a team that you need to join. And if you are somehow different from others, then you risk being ranked among these very outcasts. Stupid nicknames are used, which are awarded to those who stand out from the mainstream in some way: a mother's daughter, a crammer, a fool, a fat one, a psycho, a sneak ... Read the next section carefully. Perhaps among the listed types of outcasts you will find someone you know. Or even yourself.

Fool, jester, clown...

Sometimes seemingly harmless nicknames stick so much that the person is no longer called by name. Few people like it if they call him a fool. Of course, you can call that annoying Ivanov, who constantly pulls your pigtails or brazenly writes off the control. Ivanov, most likely, will not pay attention. But if the nickname fool is firmly stuck to one of your classmates, you can only sympathize with him. Surely there is a kind of clown in your class who, during the teacher's explanation, grimaces, grimaces and mimics his manner of speaking. Everyone laughs at the top of their lungs at the antics of a fool, but this is only during the lessons. And as soon as the bell rings, the clown is bypassed, and he remains in splendid isolation. Why? Because no one wants to be the friend of a fool! No one will even talk to a fool, let alone be friends ... Nevertheless, the jester himself would be happy to communicate, but he just does not know how to attract attention to himself. So it turns out that to regret, maybe someone will regret it, but no one will stoop to friendship with a fool.

Psycho

It is unlikely that someone from the class will be friends with a person who is called a psycho. And who wants to communicate with someone who is completely out of control? Psychos often throw notebooks and books in a fit of anger, and if they receive a remark from a teacher or a bad grade, they may burst into tears or, on the contrary, loudly slamming the door, run out of the classroom. You never know what a psycho will do at one time or another. That is why no one will be friends with a psycho - you never know what will come into his head this time!

Zubril

That's who classmates really don't like, so it's crammed. The attitude towards these guys is initially negative. Although, it would seem, they go to school in order to gain knowledge. Then why aren't the nerds respected? Someone who, and they know everything perfectly well!

They know, but they are not in a hurry to share their knowledge. The hack raises his hand when no one from the class knows the answer to the teacher's question, he does not part with textbooks during breaks, and spends all his free time doing homework. But try to cheat from him during the test! The nerd will say with a smart look: “I should have taught at home!”

Naturally, after such a desire to ask about something disappears completely. And no one will communicate with the arrogant, that's for sure.

Podliza

A sucker is practically no different from a hack. He also constantly stretches out his hand when no one knows the answer, also sits with books, also does not allow you to write off. The only difference is that suckers are much worse crammed. They are always trying to please the teachers, constantly fawning over and reporting on others. If there's a sucker in your class, they probably don't like him. Although they do not like it - to put it mildly! It is sickening to watch how the licker smiles ingratiatingly, helping to drag a heavy teacher's bag or slipping another chocolate bar onto the teacher's table. Be friends with a scammer, a sneak and a sneak? It is unlikely that anyone will stoop to this!

Sissy

Those who are overprotective of their parents (especially their grandmother or mother) are teased in class as sissies or daughters. They like to humiliate and offend such guys, but not openly, but on the sly. Still: just a little, sissy runs to complain about harmful classmates, who then get the full. Even if sissies are not teased openly, few people agree to be friends with them.

How not to become a reject

What to do if you recognize yourself in one of the listed types of outcasts?

Maybe you yourself do not understand what brought on the discontent of others? It seems that she didn’t do anything bad to anyone, but as a result, there are no friends in the class. It’s good if classmates treat you with neutral indifference, but there may be cases of harassment, beatings, and even worse.

The school has a set of unwritten rules that must be followed in order to be respected. Don't know how to behave? Here you will find a list of what you need to do while studying at school.

- Be responsive and cordial. There are many in this world who deserve sympathy. Have pity on a homeless dog that was offended by hooligans, a classmate who was undeservedly scolded, a penniless beggar. If you sincerely empathize with others, people will reach out to you and respect you.

- Be kind. No matter how trite it sounds, kindness has never bothered anyone. Help your friends when they need it. Do not be greedy, treat your neighbor with an apple, lend money for travel, give a classmate a textbook or a pen if he forgot them at home. Be generous, but do not fawn, and you will never be known as a greedy or a mean person!

Remember: there are no sinless people. Everyone has their shortcomings, and if you are friends with a person, accept him as he is. Don't try to change best friend, do not blame a friend for inattention and absent-mindedness. Each person is unique - agree that if everyone were correct and ideal, life would become very boring!

- Be honest with others. People value sincerity, so don't be afraid to speak the truth. Classmates are unlikely to believe you, knowing that you constantly lie to your parents or teachers. After all, this means that with the same ease you can deceive them! No one wants to communicate with a dishonest person.

However, there are situations when it is very difficult to make a choice. On the one hand, it is in the interest of the class to lie to an adult: if your lie can save a classmate from reprisal (even if he deserves punishment), peers will regard lying as a good deed. But if you tell the truth, you may be considered a traitor. On the other hand, one should never remain silent if someone is being bullied.

What to do if you do not want to lie, but telling the truth is not an option? In this case, it is best to remain silent. Then you won't betray a friend. However, the choice is yours. You yourself must decide who is important to you - a friend or someone else.

Don't give in to your emotions! Tantrums and tears do not color anyone. You're not a little girl to cry over failure. Sometimes it is better to remain silent and walk away proudly than to show weakness. Then, at least, no one will have a reason to call you a crybaby or a hysteric.

“Responsibility is a wonderful quality. Always keep your word! Remember: there is nothing worse than broken promises. Better don't take on a task if you can't do it.

Responsible approach to school duties. Don't shy away from assignments if you don't want to appear irresponsible and incapable of making decisions!

— Be decisive and courageous, always achieve the goal, even if it is difficult. Be responsible for your actions: if you made a mistake, you should correct it, not mom or dad.

“Keep the secrets entrusted to you. Do not stoop to gossip, only vile people, cowards and hypocrites, and even grandmothers at the entrance, slander and gossip. If you are dissatisfied with the act of a person, tell him this to his face! You're not a coward to talk nasty things about a man behind his back, are you? Do not betray friends: betrayal is not forgiven!

- If you have any beliefs, do not change them twenty times a day. Consistency in views is an important quality! But don't be too serious either. Learn to treat your problems with humor, because you remember that laughter is the best medicine! Dare to laugh at yourself. After all, this is an art that not everyone owns. If you treat yourself with humor, it kills any desire to tease and make fun of you. And what is the interest in laughing at a man who can laugh at himself? Still, don't let yourself be made the laughingstock of the class.

If you are an outcast

But what if, despite all your efforts and efforts, classmates do not accept you? If they are not just indifferent and indifferent to you, but mock you, or, even worse, descend to harassment and beatings?

Here are our tips if this applies to you.

Don't despair and don't panic! There is nothing worse than panic, as you know, it also sank ships. It is best to seek help from adults. But these should be people who are able to listen to you, understand and take concrete measures. Bullying and beatings must stop! If your offenders simply hear the condescending “do not offend others, this is bad”, this is unlikely to affect them. Almost certainly, the result will be just the opposite: the beatings will not stop, but will begin with a vengeance, and, in addition to everything, they will also call you a scammer.

- Talking about the reasons for bullying, try to understand what caused it. If you really did something that offended or set up your peers, be honest about it. One way or another, everything secret will become clear, so your objectivity and justice are now only to your advantage.

❧ Do you remember how, in the story of Viktor Dragunsky, Deniska poured semolina on the head of an unsuspecting passerby? After all, no one listened to the unfortunate child, who was disgusted with such food, he immediately turned from a victim into a liar.

If you are bullied at school, don't despair. Find a line of behavior for yourself that will help stop bullying. Why is there bullying in the classroom? Yes, because just studying is boring, so you need to entertain yourself with something! How? Catch the victim on a misdemeanor that shows her from a disadvantageous side, and begin to pursue on a "legal" basis! It's fun, the lessons will fly by unnoticed, but what else is needed for happiness?

And resistance leads to nothing. The victim will be immediately reminded of what she has done and for what she will be punished. The severity of the punishment far outweighs the seriousness of the offence. The excuse is found, you can scoff in full force! And after all, in fact, you can’t call bullying other than bullying. An educated person will never stoop to such baseness, and don't let yourself be mocked!

If you realize that you have been the victim of bullying, seek adult help immediately. Don't be afraid to tell that you're being bullied. Sometimes the only way out is to transfer to another school. Remember: asking for this is not cowardice or an attempt to run away from difficulties! If you don't want to live in constant fear of your classmates and become a downtrodden victim, this is the best option.

But if it is not possible to transfer to another school, you need to show courage and determination. Never show your offenders that you are hurt and offended, otherwise they will redouble their efforts and begin to turn your life into hell. In this case, you can try to become indifferent to bullying. Deprive offenders of the pleasure of seeing your suffering. Pay no attention to them.

But silence is not an option; it can be perceived as a sign of weakness. If your belongings are taken away, resolutely demand them back; if you are beaten, beat back, do not be afraid to hit back! Perhaps if the bullies see that the victim can show his teeth, the pleasure of harassment will disappear, and the bullying will stop.

If everything is unsuccessful and the persecution not only does not stop, but can already cause serious harm to your physical and mental health, do not be afraid to seek justice! Contact the police, the press, those who can really help you. Sometimes this is the only way out. Remember: you are a person who must be respected, and do not let anyone mock you!

Organizing time. Introductory speech by the class teacher.

- Good evening, dear parents! I am glad to welcome you to the meeting. Thank you for taking the time to come to our meeting. I would like to start the meeting with the words of a famous writer A. de Saint-Exupery "The only real luxury is the luxury of human communication." The family provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation that has developed in the class team. But often they notice before teachers that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has a bad relationship with classmates. What to do? So, today we will talk about how to help your child build relationships with classmates. I invite the teacher-psychologist of the crisis center to the conversation.

– There are many statements about friendship, both by thinkers of antiquity and modernity. They all tried to understand what friendship is:

“The only way to have a friend is to be one yourself.” - emerson.

"Without friendship, life is nothing." - Cicero.

“Happiness never put a person on such a height that he would not need a friend.” - Seneca.

- The guys and I at the classroom hour discussed a serious interesting topic "Friend, friendship, the laws of friendship." The children were asked to think about the question, what does “friendship” mean and why do people need it?

Teacher: on the eve of the class hour, I asked the guys to write essay on my friend.

- The students' answers will give you an idea of the nature of the interpersonal relationships of the guys. So, for some schoolchildren, a friend, first of all, is a protector (“will not leave you in trouble”, “protects if you are beaten”, “always intercedes, pulls you out of trouble”); for others, a friend is an assistant (“helps when it’s difficult”, “always supports”, “helps to cope with studies”). Many children single out a friend as a partner in a game, constructive communication (“We always play together with a friend”, “We never quarrel with him”, “You can always find a common language with friends, even if we have different opinions”). A friend acts as a partner in confidential communication (“You can tell your best friend a secret”, “You can trust a friend”, “You can tell him about your love”). A friend for some guys is an understanding native person (“This person understands you”, “A friend always understands you and believes”, “A friend is the one with whom he is inseparable”, “This is the best person, not counting the parents”). A leisure partner is also a friend (“You can have a good time with a friend”, “It’s never boring to walk with him”, “With a friend I like to go shopping, to the cinema, to any different places”).

distinguish such qualities of a friend as the ability to sympathize, communicate confidentially; a friend for girls is a very close person, like a brother or sister.
That is, for girls, the emotional component of interpersonal relationships is more significant and valuable. Boys, on the other hand, highlight the activity characteristics of relationships more: “A friend will intercede if someone offends”, “You can play outdoor games with a friend”, “You can give him gifts”.

One student wrote that he communicates with friends not because they have expensive phones, that they are excellent students, but because he is interested in them.

Features of friendship in primary school age:

Folds over random motives .

Relations are fragile

Requirements

does not always apply to yourself

Consumer attitude
to friendship

– By the end of 4th grade many children mature for strong friendships, relationships with peers become more meaningful than study.

This manifests itself:

Why don't all kids have friends? What does the choice depend on? It may well be that the child is wrong in choosing a friend.

A necessary prerequisite for a lasting friendship is likely to be personal choice based on hard-to-define sympathy.

completely without flaws? This does not happen and cannot be. In this case, the result of the search may be either the inability to find a friend, or disappointment in him.

But still, as psychological studies have shown, the true basis for friendship depends on similarities, coincidences of interests, ways of thinking.

In order to find a friend to your liking, it is necessary, first of all, figure out in yourself, in your preferences and shortcomings, in the very concept of friendship.

Now let's talk about what hinders friendship. Perhaps the inability to establish friendships is associated with shyness, inability to communicate, ignorance of elementary rules behavior. By the way, if the child is very closed, then classmates can instinctively provoke him to aggression in order to see what he will do in response and evaluate whether it is dangerous or not?

Maybe the child is almost always walks with a frown, rarely smiles? Would you like to build a relationship with a person who is constantly in a bad mood?

Maybe, doesn't study well? For an elementary school, this is a very important indicator.

Often offended? Resentment is also a type of aggression, a way of manipulating people, not everyone will like it if they are manipulated.

And maybe he nerd And crybaby, complains with or without reason? Such, for sure. Nobody loves.

And maybe he braggart or know-it-all? Agree, a person who constantly teaches everyone and says that he can do better and tells everyone about everything becomes simply unbearable.

And yet they are not friends with liars and mean people, dirty and greedy people, with envious people and dishonorable people.

What do you need to do to find a friend?

Explain to the child that he:

did not hesitate to be kind, smiled more often - they are drawn to the kind and smiling;

respected and loved himself, then others will love him too - if a person does not love himself, then who will love him ?;

was simple and natural (excesses are often found in a child's environment).

Reminder for parents

For your part, as parents, you can do the following:

invite your child's classmates to visit, so you get to know them better and can control and influence their relationship;
help the class teacher with extracurricular activities, this will help unite the class and, in addition, improve your relationship with your child;

give the child independence in choosing friends and resolving conflicts, and if you do intervene, then sort things out not with the offender, but with his parents, and not by phone, but in public - for example, at a parent meeting;
teach not to be afraid of mistakes, talk about your problems in childhood, about how you experienced them and how you coped with them, by doing this you will reduce excessive anxiety and tension in your child, improve his behavior and attractiveness to peers;
allow negative emotions to show, because such a ban can cause difficulties in establishing relationships with people (for example, the child will avoid any physical contact, even for the purpose of protection; in physical education classes he will refuse to play basketball; he will cautiously throw a “snowball” made of paper); a person who lives a full life allows himself to be both happy and angry; by the way, boyish fights are mainly the result of the need for tactile contact, since boys cannot satisfy this need in another way;
think about whether the child’s quarrels with friends are the result of your mistakes in his upbringing: if at home he is the center of the universe, then he expects the same attitude from other children, achieves his goal, provoking conflicts; if the child is abandoned, he feels resentment and anger - he takes out the feelings accumulated in his soul in quarrels; if he often witnesses quarrels between parents or other family members, they begin to imitate their behavior;
discuss with the child the causes of conflicts with friends, try to become a friend for him;
explain what a "code of friendship" is.

"Code of Friendship".

- Thank you for your attention. We hope that our advice will be useful to you in raising your children.

When sending a child to school, parents are primarily concerned about the quality of education and reputation educational institution. But at school, a small person receives not only knowledge, but also the experience of communicating in a team. Unfortunately, relationships with classmates do not always add up.
According to the latest data, one in four students is bullied by other students. Moreover, we should be especially concerned about this - in our country, cases of harassment of adolescents are recorded much more often than in European countries.

2. Types of persecution.

Problems in communication with peers may arise in a child and in kindergarten, and in primary school. However, at this age there is still no team cohesion, and attempts to offend another child are not systemic. By the third grade, the so-called public opinion is formed, with which, whether the child wants it or not, he must reckon with it. By the age of 10-11, an understanding of how one should behave in a particular children's team takes on a stable form. It is at this age that students actively strive to find their place in the group, to gain the authority and respect of classmates. This creates an atmosphere of rivalry, which often provokes the emergence of regular persecution of one or more members of the class. Psychologists call this phenomenon bullying.
Most often, aggressive harassment is expressed in the form of insults, threats, or, conversely, complete disregard for the victim, as well as infliction of physical harm (beating, damage to property). The availability of the Internet has contributed to the rise of cyberbullying, a form of systematic harassment. A study conducted in France at the beginning of 2012 showed that one in four schoolchildren faced peer aggression online. Cyberbullies influence the victim with frequent emails and SMS. An Internet attack is always sudden, therefore it has a strong psychological impact on the victim. Not knowing the persecutor by sight, the victim feels that the offender is most likely in the immediate environment. And he begins to fear aggression from all his acquaintances. First of all, from classmates, which increases the feeling of insecurity of a teenager in an educational institution.

3. Spirit of the times.

The recent trend is to post bullying filmed on mobile phone, V social media and on free video hosting sites: a shocking real video where children demonstrate their "coolness" to the world.
According to educational psychologists, through attracting the attention of the public, adolescents satisfy the need for self-affirmation. Like, look at what we are capable of. In addition, another goal is thus achieved - to publicly humiliate the victim "for the whole world." And since today there is a great sense of universal impunity, teenagers do not even think about the consequences for themselves.
According to experts, bullying is primarily one of the manifestations of the boyish subculture. According to statistics, boys resort to peer bullying 2-3 times more often than girls. Cases of persecution of girls by boys, boys by girls and girls by girls are much less common. However, in Lately more and more often girls act as active and no less cruel aggressors. Sociologists believe that this became possible due to the weakening of role differences in the behavior of men and women.

4. Distribution of roles.

As a rule, a number of actors take part in bullying: instigators, persecutors, victims, observers.
Bullying is usually initiated by one or two fellow practitioners. The victim begins to be ridiculed, teased, defiantly not accepted into games, bullied or ignored. The goal of the instigator is to assert himself and stand out in the team. Much less often personal revenge.
Often the instigators are children who claim to be the leader of the class, striving to be in the spotlight. According to a study by Western psychologist Dan Olvaeus, among boys aged 12-16, the proportion of aggressors is about 5%. Most often they come from prosperous and wealthy families! Persecutors - children who, under the guidance of instigators, participate in persecution. They laugh at the victim, pick up offensive nicknames and treat the outcast on a par with the instigators. Most of these guys do cruelty, obeying the herd mentality, wanting to earn the approval of the leader. Some do it out of boredom, and some out of fear to be in the place of the victim. The stalkers are characterized as cowardly, easily influenced, self-centered, irresponsible and insecure teenagers.
Observers do not interfere with bullying. But, not having the spirit to resist the aggressors, they encourage persecution by silence and inaction.
Sometimes there are children in the school community trying to protect the victim. The arrival of an advocate can make all the difference, especially if they are not alone in their authority or against the bullying. As practice shows, in this case, the persecution most often stops. However, it happens that the defender himself turns into an object of bullying. And then, in order to change the state of affairs, he begins to take an active part in bullying the outcast.

5. Who is at risk?

Often, physically weak, anxious, timid and lonely children become the object of persecution. TO psychological features Specialists include victims: physical disabilities and diseases that negatively affect appearance or manifest “shameful” consequences (like enuresis), unsuccessful in school, often missing classes, overprotected by parents, inadequately evaluating themselves (having both too high and low self-esteem) who do not want to follow the rules and hierarchy in the team.
A gifted child can also become an outcast. A survey among talented American eighth graders showed that 67% of them have been harassed by classmates during their years of study.

6. How to fix the situation?

Alas, the child does not always tell his parents that his peers offend him. Someone thinks that adults will not take the problem seriously. Others believe that they will not try to do anything. Still others fear that intervention will only worsen the situation - the tormentors will severely punish the informer.
Having learned about the bullying of their child, some parents try not to intervene in the conflict and only advise how to correct the situation.

WHO representatives also note the propensity for violence in children:

hyperactive;
impulsive, risk-averse;
With low level control over their behavior;
with scattered attention, which manifested itself before the age of 13, poor school performance.

At the same time, the prerequisites for the formation of aggressive behavior are:

poor parental control;
the use of harsh physical punishment;
low socio-economic status of the family.

Experts also believe that the victim alone will not be able to change the prevailing stereotype of the group's behavior. Therefore, adult intervention and complex work, in which both child victims, their parents, teachers and the whole class should take part, are necessary.

In the developed countries of the world, the problem of bullying has long been dealt with not only by scientists, but also by legislative authorities. Dozens of national and international websites and funds have been set up to help victims of bullying. Specialists conduct consultations on the prevention of bullying and develop special programs.

Currently, about 12 preventive programs are recognized as effective, the most famous and widely implemented of which is the psychologist Dan Olvaeus. Since 2001, it has been used in Norwegian schools, which allowed not only to reduce the cases of aggressive harassment by 30-50%, but also the indicators for antisocial behavior. It is based on 4 basic principles that involve the creation of a school (and ideally home) environment, characterized by:

warmth, positive interest and involvement of adults;
firm boundaries and restrictions on unacceptable behavior;
the consistent use of non-punitive, non-physical sanctions for unacceptable behavior and rule violations;
the presence of adults acting as authorities and role models.

The success of the Olvaeus program has received international recognition and has already been partially implemented in England, the USA, Lithuania and other European countries. In Canada, where close attention is also paid to the problem of bullying, a method has been developed for the early detection of aggressiveness in children, which makes it possible to correct the child's behavior, preventing the manifestation of antisocial behavior in the future. And to stop cyber-bullying in the American city of Ontario, a tough and at the same time effective measure was taken - the person who bullied was expelled from school.

7. Here and now.

In our country, no one is systematically involved in the protection and psychological rehabilitation of a child who has become a victim of bullying. Therefore, in order to pay attention to the problem and stop the persecution, parents must persevere. First of all, the school psychologist should be informed about what is happening. In some cases, the only effective method to protect the child from further aggression - transfer to another school. After all, the longer the persecution continues, the longer and more difficult it will be for social adaptation.

How can a bullying suppression and prevention strategy be built? School psychologists see it this way:

Assessment of the situation: how it all began, who is the instigator.
Diagnostics of the psychological climate of the team.
Develop a plan to stop bullying together with teachers - do not provoke (for example, disciplinary sanctions), do not leave children unattended (often bullying in locker rooms).
Working with parents: notify the families of the students about what is happening and discuss the strategy of their behavior with the children.
Organize so-called class rallying events.
Conversations, trainings, joint overcoming of difficulties. For example, a campaign: the victim will have the opportunity to show himself in a different capacity.
Individual work with the victim, aggressors, instigators.

How can parents understand that their child has been bullied? According to school psychologists, you should be wary if a teenager:

goes to school reluctantly and is very glad of any opportunity not to go there;
returns from school depressed;
often crying for no apparent reason; talks little about his school life;
lonely: does not know who to call to learn lessons; no one invites him to visit, for the holidays.

8. Consequences of bullying.

Alas, bullying does not go unnoticed. And this applies to all participants. Former tormentors are characterized by severe anxiety, antisocial traits, depression and various kinds of addictions. If it turns out that your child was among the aggressors, be sure to talk to him. About self-respect, humanity, empathy and the influence of the crowd. He must understand that, following the lead of the collective, he risks tomorrow taking the place of the persecuted.
Particular attention should be paid to helping victims of bullying. Psychologists equate the consequences of bullying with post-traumatic stress. It is difficult for such a person to build relationships with others and trust them. In addition, in certain circumstances, the ex-victim may become a persecutor herself, as if compensating for the humiliation experienced or for fear of a repetition of the situation.
Therefore, if your child has suffered from bullying, you should immediately contact a psychologist. A specialist will help a teenager express all emotions and anxieties, get rid of fears, re-learn how to build relationships with others and resist aggression in the future.