Is such a relationship even necessary? I don't want a relationship, is that ok? People who don't want relationships.
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This applies to how internal state, and your plans for a career and professional activities. The person next to you not only does not give you the opportunity to fulfill yourself and do what you love, but also constantly undermines your faith in yourself, your spiritual balance and ability to enjoy life. You constantly experience a feeling of depression, hate yourself when once again it was not possible to remain calm, listening to another claim. It seems to you that life is passing you by, because it is already the 10th month since you are planning to take piano lessons or programming courses to connect your life with it, and your loved one not only does not inspire, but and tries to find all sorts of arguments why this is a bad idea. In a happy and harmonious couple, people should grow and develop together, guide and help each other in every possible way. If in your relationship one or both of you pull each other to the bottom, then this is no longer an alarm bell, but a real howl of sirens, which notifies that it is time to take decisive action.
2. You are no longer proud of your partner.
Think: when someone asks you about your significant other, how is she doing and how is she doing, how do you feel at that moment? Do you want to tell with joy and pride about love, about the happiness of being together, about how glad you are that such a kind, purposeful and wonderful person is next to you? At the beginning of a relationship, we always want to show off our lovers in some way, even though happiness loves silence. And all because we feel that we are very lucky, because we met the love of our life, and at the same time we see almost no shortcomings. A little later, when the wave of blind love subsides, we all, of course, begin to understand that there are no ideal people, and our chosen one is no exception. But the difference between happy relationship and those that are doomed to failure, in that in the first case, lovers are less obsessed with the bad and continue to be proud of their choice, and in the second, pride is quickly replaced by disappointment and even disgust.
3. There are no more special and significant moments between you.
You suddenly realize that there is not much difference between when you were free and what is happening now in this relationship. Is that a little more experiences than it could be in the case of your loneliness, but in general, nothing good life in a pair, it definitely doesn’t bring you. It is wrong when in a relationship “well, everything is fine, nothing special”, because love is initially a magical feeling that changes our consciousness. And it's not even about some big holidays, surprises and super-important events. But when there is sincere reciprocity in a couple and people enjoy each other's company, then they themselves have some special jokes that only the two of them can understand, cute and funny nicknames, etc. Even the simplest walk around the house acquires a special atmosphere and meaning and becomes filled with just those very “moments” that lovers then remember with warmth for many years to come. If you live like neighbors who have almost nothing in common or, worse, a lot of things, then it's time to honestly put up a white flag and admit that this is the end.
4. Your partner starts to annoy you during difficult times.
If in difficult times (not related to your relationship) you experience more stress from a partner than from the circumstances themselves, this indicates that you have ceased to be allies, on the contrary, you consider each other an even greater burden in this difficult time. When one of the members of a couple has a misfortune - they were fired from work, they made an unpleasant diagnosis, or just an uninvited depression rolled in - people try to support each other with all their might, look for ways to solve the problem and, of course, try to cheer up and assure that that everything will be fine. If in your relationship in a similar situation you would prefer to be alone, and you literally have to endure the person next to you or take out your anger on him, then this is also a direct sign that something is going wrong.
5. The future doesn't matter to you anymore.
You are tired of quarrels and skirmishes, and even more tired of thinking about whether you made the right decision when you contacted this person at all. Stepping away from the situation and relationships becomes the easiest solution, and you increasingly repeat to yourself: “Come what may”, adding responsibility for your life and future to higher powers and fate. But it is important to understand in time that time is running without stopping, and while you turn a blind eye to your dissatisfaction with your partner and existence with him, priceless weeks, months and even years will pass, which you will not return back.
6. You begin to fantasize frequently and become interested in other people.
It's normal to be attracted to someone or remark how beautiful and talented someone is, even if you're a couple. But imagining how good it is to be free or what your relationship with this “someone else” could be, and even more shamelessly catching glances and looking for meetings with third parties, is already a clear sign that a love union is bursting at the seams. . And more precisely, it means that mentally you have already parted with your partner many times and are ready for cardinal changes. If you remember those happy times when peace and harmony reigned in a couple, you will understand that in a strong relationship there is no place for such thoughts, because the heart is 100% occupied by a loved one. But since such doubts have already crept into your head, it means that you no longer expect anything good from the current relationship and are trying to find peace and joy elsewhere, even if you are not fully aware of this yet.
7. There is an “emotional silence” in the relationship.
Another type of indifference, which no longer concerns the future life and plans, but the partner directly. We often hear statements that love cannot be filled with emotions for a lifetime. When the stage of love and passion passes, there comes a period of affection, respect, warmth, calm harmony. It's true, it's hard to argue. But in a full-fledged relationship, this period is still filled with emotions, just of a different plan. Perhaps they are less bright, enchanting and crazy, as at the very beginning, when it seems that you can move mountains for each other, but they still keep the light alive, allow people not to lose interest in each other, empathize and care. When there are no emotions at all, it is easy to determine: you are not interested in each other's life, do not seek to communicate, and you think twice before saying something kind and sweet, because you are not sure either of what you really feel it, or that your confession will not be ignored.
8. There is uncontrolled and groundless jealousy in a couple.
This is the exact opposite of the previous point, which, however, also does not lead to good. Perhaps few people will be unpleasant jealousy within reasonable limits. After all, this, of course, amuses pride: if you are jealous, then they consider you a really beautiful, interesting and attractive person. You think it's great if your boyfriend thinks you can seduce anyone even in a stretched T-shirt, or if your girlfriend thinks you'll be flocked by girls if you go out for lemonade in frayed jeans. It means that you are appreciated and sincerely valued. However, as already mentioned, everything is good in moderation. If jealousy crosses all boundaries
When we value relationships, even the thought of a possible breakup makes us shudder in fear and try to brush it off as soon as possible. This is a normal reaction of a person who is so in love that he simply cannot imagine and does not want to imagine what life can be like without the object of his love. But when everything is not going well in a relationship, there is less and less strength left to fix everything and hopes for saving a sinking ship have almost dried up, then such thoughts become something already taken for granted. They no longer frighten, do not make the heart beat faster, and even more than that - they bring some strange feeling of relief that all this will finally end and it will be possible to start life anew.
Most people rarely think about why they need the relationship they are in. Why relationships are needed, and whether you really need them, read in today's article.
Why people need relationships: a list of common reasons
Many people around the world are in relationships. Someone strives for them from a young age, someone prefers to start a relationship already in adulthood.
The goal of each couple who has decided to be together differs depending on the interests of young people, habits and outlook on life.
People's opinions about the need for relationships also differ: for some, this is the only sure way not to be left alone, for others, the desire to create their own family and raise children.
There is also a third category of people, which differs from the previous ones in that, in principle, they do not betray too much importance to the topic of their own knowledge. Such people cannot answer why they need a relationship, since they have not thought about it. The factor “to be like everyone else” played a key role here.
Why do most people get into relationships?
Answers vary from case to case:
- To know love.
- To start a family and have children.
- To get more attention.
- For money.
- For status in society.
- For sex.
- To not stand out from the crowd.
Are these answers true? Yes, without a doubt. But is that really the value of a relationship? More likely no than yes.
Today, one thing is clear: many people want and strive for relationships, but most of them do not realize why they are making such a difficult path.
However, having a relationship has its pros and cons, which are important to consider when making decisions.
| Flaws | Advantages |
|---|---|
| If a person has a permanent relationship, it means that he also has permanent responsibilities. | A person who is in a relationship smiles more often and shows positive emotions. He always has a person with whom he can share victories. |
| Building relationships is hard work. In such a situation, many things will have to be sacrificed: principles, character, beliefs. | Relationships are constant live communication, support in any situations. |
| Being in a relationship means being with someone all the time. Sometimes partners need to be alone with themselves in order to concentrate on issues that are important to them. | To be in a couple means to receive care and warmth, to have someone who will wait at home after a hard day's work. |
Top 5 reasons why you really need a relationship
Or a girl, starting a relationship is not the most difficult task. However, the situation is greatly complicated when the reasons for entering into a relationship are chosen incorrectly.
It's no secret that many people believe that relationships can smooth out any turmoil in life, and thereby bring a lot of bright colors into it.
On the one hand, it is, because relationships contribute to the emergence of positive emotions, feelings of love, etc. But the biggest misconception is that relationships will help to cope with all the problems that have piled up.
In fact, everything is the other way around - relationships that are created in order to find harmony in life push a person even more away from this very harmony. Why? Because relationships are meant to improve lives, not solve problems. If, at the moment of failure, instead of solving the problems that have arisen one by one, you throw yourself into the arms of unfamiliar person, most likely the number of your problems will only increase. And finding a way out of this situation will be much more difficult.
So why are relationships important in a person's life?
In fact, people need relationships in order to:
- Always feel support and support, especially in those moments when it is very difficult to cope with what is happening on your own.
- Learn to compromise and seek mutual understanding, because people must learn to get along with each other and respect other people's interests.
- To give and receive care and warmth in return, to "warm" each other's lives.
- To help to cope even with petty troubles in life, to hear the opinion from the outside and always have the opportunity to give good advice.
- Develop together, look for reasons for joy and "grow", both intellectually and spiritually.
It turns out that relationships have much more useful than it might seem at first glance. And their direct purpose is not at all trite, as intimacy or procreation. Their goal is to teach people respect, care and trust.
How do you know if a relationship is right for you?
Despite the fact that relationships carry more positive than negative, their meaning for some people is still not so special.
There is enough a large number of people who are much calmer alone than paired with another person. How do you know if you're ready for a relationship? It will be enough to analyze the indicated reasoning and see in which of the columns you found the largest number of suitable answers.
| You need a relationship if: | You don't need a relationship if: |
|---|---|
| You often feel a lack of communication. You want to communicate not only at work, but also at home. | You prefer solitude. You are an introvert and do not need constant communication and out into the world. |
| You dream of a family and children. | Instead of planning your marital status, you prefer to plan a trip to the other side of the world. |
| You often lack support or care. | You do not want to take care of someone, and do not intend to take responsibility for the life of another person. |
| You think that love rules the world, and you do not see the further meaning of life without love. | You think that love for the world and yourself is much more important than love for a partner. |
| You are already ready for children, and planning them in the near future. | You crave exceptional career growth. Your profession is much more important to you than your family. |
| You are ready to change for the sake of another person, make concessions and seek compromises. | The main thing for you is freedom. |
| You are afraid of loneliness and want to spend your old age surrounded big family- Husband, children, grandchildren. | Loneliness doesn't bother you at all. On the contrary, you like to spend time alone with yourself. |
If the first column seemed “closer” to you, then relationships in your life play a really important role.
If most of the opinions from the second column are about you, this indicates that it is not yet time to start a relationship.
Note: if you are not ready for a relationship now, this does not mean at all that you will be lonely until old age. Perhaps in 2 or 3 years your opinion on this matter will change, and you will be happy to connect your fate with another person.
Remember that the main goal in everyone's life is to become happy, and not to acquire a relationship, because that's the way it is.
Learn more about the main motives for getting into relationships with people and the real reasons why they are important in the video:
An example of why you should not rush into a relationship if you are not ready for it.
It often happens that despite your disinterest in a relationship, a person of the opposite sex has tender feelings for you. He may even be in love with you.How will you act in such a situation? Most likely, in order not to upset the lover, you will allow him to be around and try to build with you. life together.
However, will it be right, and can you become happy? Not likely, unless you yourself discover that you have fallen in love with this person.
Otherwise, you will not be able to give him proper time, he will begin to suffer because of this, and as a result you will get two broken hearts, distrust of people and resentment. In addition, the relationship between you will be spoiled.
Therefore, to avoid such a situation, always think before you give a person hope and do not rush into a relationship for which you are simply not ready yet.
3 basic steps to start a relationship and develop it if you need it
It would seem that building relationships, if you feel the need for them, is not difficult at all. However, many of those who really dream of meeting a soul mate do not know where to start looking for the perfect partner, because this is the first time for them.
I advise in such situations to follow simple steps.
| Steps | Description |
|---|---|
 Step 1. Open yourself to new acquaintances. | If you set out to build a relationship, you first have to find a person with whom your desire will coincide. Where exactly you will meet him is still unknown. But for this to happen, be an active person. Always take care of yourself, go to cafes and cinema, communicate a lot. |
 Step 2. Build on existing relationships. | If the right person is found, it's time to devote yourself to the relationship. Spend time together, appreciate each other, respect, build joint dreams. |
 Step 3. Strive for more. | If your relationship has been going on for a sufficient amount of time, you can move on to new stages one by one. First, try to organize life together, live together, and then start a family. |
To find the right person and build a life together with him, sometimes it takes a considerable amount of time. However, the key here is the quantity, but the quality of your life with a partner. Therefore, do not rush, everything will come at the moment when it is needed.
How many people are in a couple today, and why?
According to the latest statistics, more than 55% of people on this moment already found their soul mate.
In addition, at least 50% of people feel the feeling of falling in love.
As for the goals with which people entered into relationships, there is a clear pattern among men and women - most of them try to start relationships for the sake of creating a family.
Although the percentage of those who have not yet decided on the purpose of creating a relationship is also high - more than 20%.
The main reasons why people get into relationships.
Why do we really need a relationship?
Was your decision to build a relationship the right one?
If for a long time you decided to build a relationship with a person, and now you doubt whether you did the right thing, answer yourself honestly to these questions, and draw the right conclusions:
- Does your relationship give you confidence or lower your self-esteem?
- Does your partner help you in difficult situations, or do you take all the blows of fate alone?
- Are you happy with that person?
- Does your relationship help you become kinder and keep doing good things?
- Do you dream of spending the rest of your life with this person?
Do you feel like a happy person, and do not want to be left without a partner for a long time? Congratulations, you have built a harmonious relationship by choosing the right path.
Still not sure why you needed a relationship? Perhaps it is not yet the time to bind yourself in the bonds of love.
So, why does a person need a relationship? Most likely in order to walk together along such an interesting, but sometimes thorny path of life. For some, relationships are key in life; for others, they are just a whim. Realize the value of relationships specifically for you, and therefore think about whether it is worth creating them.
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I am 24 years old. I recently broke up with my boyfriend. We knew each other for a year and a half, quarreled, reconciled. Twice it came to a pause to understand whether this relationship is necessary. I always thought he understood me. And then education came into my life.
I am studying to be a translator in one of the best universities in the country. The joy that I experienced when I found out that I entered the budget cannot be described in words. Except my boyfriend, who previously claimed to understand the need for higher education for me, has changed his mind dramatically.
I think everyone knows that to get what you want you need to work. From the very beginning of my studies, I tried to do my homework, look for Additional information(you can’t rely solely on the information that the teacher gives, you need to study something on your own). The training takes place in a neighboring city, therefore, subject to the end of the couple at 13:00, I am at home at 15:00. My website young man required me to spend at least 4 hours every day with him. The fact that I had to do my homework and then get up at 5 am the next day did not bother him much. He always said, “I don't care. You chose this study, your problems. This is where I was shocked.
Perhaps the reason for the misunderstanding was not only his egoism, but also a different daily routine. I was in another city from 6 am to noon. Then he had to come home, sit down for lessons, they ask a lot, so it takes about 5 hours to study. His regimen consisted of waking up at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, watching movies, playing games. Work as a watchman was not a burden, because on the shift he only slept. It's his life, let him spend his time as he pleases. However, it had a profound effect on my life as well. When I begged to meet me from the train (he himself never passed), he needed to make a considerable effort to overcome laziness. I waited in the cold for another hour after arriving home. site Of course, he did not care that I could spend this hour on something more useful.
There were days when I felt bad (sleep for 4 hours makes itself felt). He was very offended and said that he would leave me if I did not go out for a walk. I walked with a temperature of 39. Serious steps were given to him with difficulty. He proposed to me, gave me a ring, I told my family about it. And then he took his words back. It's that simple. In the end, I decided to end this relationship because I was tired of accusations like “you are ruining our relationship. Too obsessed with studying." I was to blame for absolutely everything, although he himself did not want to make at least some effort. He needs a girl who will spend all her time only on him. The deuces that I received when, instead of doing d / s, I walked with him, I still correct it. Explanations that I have to do something else in life, except for walks, did not give an effect (I never screamed, I spoke calmly).
Not so long ago, I bought myself a house (I worked on the site for 5 years after school to save up). I'm very glad that this young man will not be there. There will be no manipulation and moral pressure. Now I will not hear every day: "You are stupid." After he said that he was joking like that, but the fact that I was unpleasant did not stop him. I no longer need to be ashamed of him when he, being warned that my grandmother had no money, and accordingly, it is better to refuse treats, came, ate everything that was offered, and then opened the refrigerator as if at home. When I came to his mother, I brought treats myself, because I understood that there were two more small children there. By the way, his mother is already driving him out of the house, because he is already 27 years old, and he still hasn’t even taken a step. I paid for everything, even the bus fare. He could have achieved something if not for laziness. At a certain point, I was afraid that if I parted with him, I would not meet anyone at all. However, better one than the site of this nightmare.
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We've been dating for 5 months, I'm 35, he's 30, both are divorced, he brings cars from Europe, I'm a PR manager. Two months ago, meetings became less frequent. Then he disappeared for 2 weeks. Appeared, explained - problems with customs, the batch of cars was delayed. Understood. She always behaved gently with him, and he began to see a catch in this, says that he loves him very much, and immediately complains that I put pressure on him in such a difficult period for him, that he is already on his nerves, he cannot sleep without alcohol . And I just wanted a couple of dates a week! The other day he said - why do you need all this, I'm all so complicated (he's a Gemini, I'm a Virgo), let's pause for 2 weeks, I'm tired, mentally exhausted - other people's huge money has been invested, don't push, it's hard for me. The next day I sent an SMS: "Let it be as you want. I respect your decision. I'll wait for you." In response, silence. I'm worried, I'm bored. What is happening between us, what to do in this situation, and is it necessary and can something be done? Or maybe such a relationship is not needed?
Hope, Almaty, 35 years old / 02.04.07
Opinions of our experts
Alyona
Well, who likes what. Personally, I would not need such a relationship. If you look, there is no relationship here. Of the five months of your acquaintance, only the first three can be called “relationships”. And all that happened afterwards was just their slow death on the male initiative. You could not become close people for each other. You could not become necessary to him, because. otherwise, with his problems and joys, he would come to you. And at least I didn’t make “pauses” in communicating with you. So they sent SMS “We will consider that we are both free, goodbye” and start living, and not wait for who knows what and who. These relationships have run out of steam. If they are destined to be reanimated, then not on your initiative and not in the form in which they are now. And don’t be sad: you really don’t need such a “difficult Gemini” who cannot fall asleep without a glass of vodka. At 35, life does not end, and you should not waste it on an unfamiliar person who is too busy with himself.
Sergey
There are many options. Maybe he has really big problems and because of them he can’t make time for you. Happens. True, to be honest, when a man loves a woman, or simply does not want to lose her, then no difficulties will make him disappear for a long time. He will call, write messages, in general, he will do everything not to lose contact. In your case, this is not the case, and therefore I can say with confidence that your relationship so far has nothing to do with either love or close relationships. He is not afraid that you will find another. He doesn't care who you spend the evening with. In fact, he is up to you - like a star. There is - well, nice. No - well, there are still a whole bunch of them. Here's the whole schedule for you. He knows that you are much more interested in him than he is in you, and he takes advantage of this. You are no longer 20 years old. Everyone has their own history, their own vision of life, their own established views. At some point, you met and, being practical enough people, decided that you could "meet" in a closer mode. Wonderful. But everything is good in moderation. Apparently, the young man was not ready for something more serious than a couple of dates. And then suddenly a few months of meetings, and, for sure, your attempts, albeit unconscious, to make the relationship more serious. He could very well be scared. Or just tired. It also happens. Therefore, what you wrote: “Let it be as you want. I respect your decision," that's right. But: "I'll wait for you" - it's in vain. No need to give odds to a person whom you have known for only 5 months. Stop in your post on the first two phrases, and the peasant would have a vast field for reasoning. Either I was sent that way, or something else, but what? If sent, then this is a blow to pride. If something else was meant, then there is an interest in finding out what. And you took and explained. For what? Now the man knows for sure that he is expected in any case, and this adds impudence and confidence in his own rightness. In my opinion, you should just send the young man away. Since it is all so complicated, so contradictory, with a bunch of debts, then why do you need this free hemorrhoids? It would be nice to love with all my heart, but no! And why do you need it?
