So that the nanny does not become a mother. Finding a nanny and monitoring her work

Doctor of Medical Sciences, psychiatrist and criminalist Mikhail Vinogradov. Photo from kp.ru

The crazy, horrific incident involving a nanny and a child that happened in Moscow on Monday, February 29, shocked everyone. Why did this happen? MD, psychiatrist and criminologist Mikhail Vinogradov believes that drugs or alcohol, or psychological deviations, could have caused Gulchekhra Bobokulova's mental confusion. Although this is surprising: according to some reports, Gulchehra worked for Nastya's parents for three years. And they were happy. Is it necessary to consider that the national or religious affiliation of the Uzbek nanny became the cause of the trouble? Chairman of the Council of the Uzbek national-cultural autonomy of the capital Khabib Abdullaev On the air of radio “Moscow speaking” I already noticed that you should not associate the murder of a child with the nationality of the nanny. In addition, among Uzbeks, killings of children are extremely rare in general, this nation loves children. The fact that the nationality of a person can in no way be the cause of such a tragedy is also written to us by our readers.

Khabib Abdullayev, Chairman of the Council of the Uzbek National-Cultural Autonomy of the capital. Photo from lenta.ru

But how can you make sure that the person you let into the apartment and leave alone with the child is worthy of your trust? We tried to find answers to this question.

“I may have been lucky. I believed her right away. I gave her the child and went about my business.

Mothers, choosing nannies, trust their instincts. Most of the nannies currently working in families in Moscow are found by parents not through recruitment agencies, but through an acquaintance or through an advertisement.

A nanny is one of the important personalities in the life of a modern family. Very often, one cannot do without such an assistant in the house. And sometimes you need to find a nanny urgently. Not every family goes to a recruitment agency. Someone has no time, someone saves money. Most often, nannies are chosen by ads on the Internet, by acquaintances, or even corny by hanging paper leaflets-ads on poles in their own area.

“Just yesterday I met with a new candidate for the position of a nanny. - says Maria, writer, journalist, - She even brought me an article about herself in the magazine "Gardener" - she is fond of floriculture. A biography says a lot about a person. I always talk with a potential nanny for a long time, trying to get to know the person. I liked this woman."

According to Maria, it is necessary to check the passport of a potential nanny, ask for medical certificates. Another important indicator for Maria is her daughter, 6-year-old Vika: if she does not make contact, this is a reason to think, then something is wrong.

“I think it’s also worth doing some research on the Internet. You can also go home to the nanny - it's good when the nanny lives nearby. Look at how she lives, who her household members are, Maria advises. But it's probably impossible to be safe. After all, some kind of psychosis can happen to a relative. I have many friends who are psychologists, for example, I would probably go for a diagnosis without advertising this moment: just so that my friend looks at the behavior of the nanny, not to mention her specialty.

“When the child was 2 years old, I had to go to work. Then, 12 years ago, the Internet was not as developed as it is now. But I found a nanny agency. At that time, I paid 1,000 rubles for the selection of candidates, - Elena, a journalist, recalls her experience. “I was presented with three candidates, and I interviewed each one separately in the office. One woman spoke Russian badly, with mistakes. The second was ingratiatingly amiable, such a classic nanny. I focused on my inner feelings whether I like it or not. I also doubted the second person, it was clear that she was looking for work only for the sake of money. And the third candidate came to a meeting with her daughter, 7 years old, and I liked her. She said that she also had an older son, that she was from the village, a teacher herself, but could not find work in Moscow. A lot can be immediately seen from a person: she had kind eyes, pleasant manners. And I chose her. For two years she sat with my daughter. We are still friends. My daughter is now 14 years old.”

Later, when the first nanny of Elena's daughter found a job in her specialty - a teacher at a school - Elena again set off in search. She found the next nanny simply by an ad - she hung a hand-written appeal in the surrounding houses. “Only one woman responded. We met. She was then 65 years old, but she was very active, such a motor. I may have been lucky. I believed her right away. I gave her the child and went about my business.

According to Elena, your intuition decides a lot: you trust someone, but you wouldn’t let someone hold a child in their hands. “They choose a nanny on the ad and many of my friends. They are afraid, but they trust.

To choose a nanny from Central Asia, Elena admits, she would never risk it. " national clothes, another culture, alien to us. What level of education is there is also unknown. They have their own way of life, which is not very clear and close to us. I read that this nanny who did this horrendous act yesterday went to Muslim clothing, and it is strange that the parents chose such a nanny when there are so many Russian people around looking for work. It would worry me."

Should you trust your choice or go to recruitment agencies? Many parents doubt that agencies will be able to choose a nanny better than themselves. “I had experience using an agency. But agents also cannot get into a person's soul. How carefully do they check them? Elena doubts.

Prosperous agency: "We weed out 95 out of 100 candidates"

If 10-15 years ago, nanny recruitment agencies were, in general, a rarity, and it was dangerous to trust them, but today they are mostly reputable companies with long experience and a large data bank, these companies can help parents to make the right choice.

Valentin Grogol, director of the international recruitment agency EnglishNanny

“Of course, it is necessary to check the history of a person. Look at his passport, diploma, find out where and how he grew up. Find out all about work experience. A good nanny should have references. And you need not just to see them - but you need to talk with these people, with the families where the nanny worked before, ”advises Valentin Grogol, director of the international agency for the selection of domestic staff English Nanny. This company has been operating on the international market for over 30 years.

It is desirable, notes Valentin Grogol, that a person who has experience in dealing with such personnel, or a psychologist, communicate with the nanny. Those oddities that are on the surface will be immediately visible to a specialist. “Of course, we demand a medical book, a certificate from a drug dispensary. Now, I think it’s better to send potential nannies to a psychologist or psychiatrist.” By the way, Valentin advises, if you do not believe the certificates that the nanny brings, then the easiest way is to send the applicant to their own trusted doctors. Even if you pay money for it. But this The best way play it safe and make sure that the nanny's health - both physical and mental - is all right.

“We have two psychologists working in the agency. We conduct a very thorough interview. These are tests, with drawings, with questionnaires, with questions. By the way, a person manifests himself in any case within one and a half to two hours. Even regardless of the answers. For example, if a person is nervous or indignant at the check, this is already a beacon. The psychologist notes such things,” says Valentin. Well, if a potential applicant does not want to be interviewed by a psychologist at all, the agency does not work with him further. “Some families even test nannies on a polygraph. We also have a polygraph - and now his nanny can pass on a voluntary basis. But working with a psychologist is a must for us.”

Valentin Grogol advises to communicate with the former employers of the nanny together with a psychologist. This will help weed out cases where nannies provide fake references. After all, often applicants ask their friends and acquaintances to introduce themselves as their former employers. It can be opened. “When a person is spoken to in detail, after checking the recommendation, deception will emerge. It is hardly possible to thoroughly train a person so that he speaks so smoothly. Therefore, it is desirable that a conversation with those who gave the nanny recommendations was conducted by a professional - a psychologist or psychiatrist. They immediately recognize the lie.”

Valentin notes that many inadequate people also come to the agencies who are trying to get a job. That is why professional screening is important.

In the company of Valentin Grogol, many initial candidates are eliminated. “Therefore, the agency is still an additional guarantee. Out of about 100 applicants, about 5 people remain at the exit. The first screening is already at the stage of submitting documents to us. People come to us from Ukraine, Uzbekistan. They may be good nannies, but we don't weed them out because of their nationality, but because we can't test them. No necessary documents often there are no recommendations.

Is it worth choosing a nanny based on nationality or religion? And do parents have such requirements? Valentin Grogol notes that the nanny's religion is a personal aspect. Not always moms and dads pay attention to this. “We employ 95 percent of Christians, but there are also Muslims. On religious grounds, nannies are rarely chosen. But sometimes the wish of the parents is that the nanny is not a Muslim.”

The most frequent contingent of nannies for whom there is a demand are residents of Moscow, St. Petersburg and Nizhny Novgorod. still middle class asks the Filipino nannies. “But such a nanny is more often sought after by those parents who want to give their child knowledge in English, but there is not enough money for an Englishwoman. But more often, residents of the Philippines are hired to do housework.”

As you understand, this professional advice for very wealthy families.

“Parents will not be able to calculate the psychopath themselves”

Sergey Enikolopov, Candidate of Psychological Sciences, Head of the Department of Medical Psychology, Scientific Center for Psychic health RAMS, Head of the Department of Criminal Psychology, Faculty of Legal Psychology, Moscow City Psychological and Pedagogical University. Photo from polit.ru

It is impossible for parents choosing a nanny to understand whether there is aggression or psychological deviations in a person, - I am convinced Sergei Enikolopov, Candidate of Psychological Sciences, Head of the Department of Medical Psychology of the Scientific Center for Mental Health of the Russian Academy of Medical Sciences, Head of the Department of Criminal Psychology of the Faculty of Legal Psychology of the Moscow City Psychological and Pedagogical University, specialist in the topic of aggression and violence.

A recommendation from a psychologist is to carefully study the recommendations. “Talk to those for whom the nanny worked before you. For some reason, most of our people are focused on whether the nanny steals or does not steal. How reliable is she? But few people pay attention to how irritable a potential nanny is in ordinary everyday situations. And not only in behavioral reactions, but also in verbal ones - swearing, rudeness, and so on. How she communicates with parents, how she communicates with a child. You have to understand that people can be aggressive.”

Parents themselves will not be able to determine more complex moments in the human psyche. Whether such an acute psychosis can occur in a person who works for you cannot be predicted in advance, Sergey Enikolopov explains.

The specialist does not associate Bobokulova's behavior with some of our general complex state of society, with politics. “This is an acute psychosis that can develop instantly. Even if she allegedly shouted "Allah Akbar!" and so on - this is clearly inspired by what we see on TV.

In general, a television man, a journalist often does not think that a crazy person can read something, watch it - and do the same, go, for example, and kill someone. Written texts are not yet so influential, but visual images are very influential. It is not for nothing that Rospotrebsoyuz, although sometimes it goes too far, putting labels 16+ or 18+ on some programs, but still the line is correct - the department protects society from the harm that this or that information can cause.

Journalists think: all people are like us. But what can happen in the head of a madman, few people think.

And the fact that yesterday federal channels did not begin to report this terrible news, that's right. There is news that needs to be reported, but with restraint.

Document your relationship with the nanny and interact more with your child

Pavel Ivchenkov, lawyer at Delovoy Farvater

“The safest way to find a nanny is through a recruitment agency. Moreover, it is worth choosing a well-established agency that has been on the market for more than a year, believes Pavel Ivchenkov, Lawyer of the company "Business Fairway". “Usually agencies check their nannies well. It is from them that you can learn about the past of the nanny, her work experience, medical condition, criminal record and so on.

And if the nanny is not hired through an agency, but is sought personally? It is almost impossible to reliably check it on your own (unless, of course, there are acquaintances in the police, the prosecutor's office, and so on, who can check the nanny in their databases), emphasizes Pavel Ivchenkov.

“Now there are no bases in the public domain where citizens themselves can check the people they hire. In this case, you need to ask the nanny candidate to bring a certificate of no criminal record, and also ask to bring certificates of the absence of drug and alcohol addictions. Certificates must be fresh (maximum a few weeks old) and stamped.

The lawyer advises to contact former employers without fail - and for this, the recommendations of the nanny should include the full contacts of the family in which she used to work. “It is advisable to go to them personally to check if they are real, talk about the nanny, about her work, ask why she quit,” recommends Pavel Ivchenkov. And he also advises taking the nanny to a psychiatrist personally, if she does not mind, paying for this visit.

“In the pursuit of material goods and attempts to provide the child Better conditions life, we very often forget about a small person who needs constant attention from parents, and entrust education to a completely stranger - a nanny, - the lawyer notes Isabella Atlaskirova, executive director of the regional branch of the public organization of small and medium-sized businesses OPORA of the Kabardino-Balkarian Republic. “Today, for many parents, the services of nannies are very relevant, and every year the demand for them is only growing.”

Isabella recalls the story of Eric Kamasi from Uganda, which happened in 2014. The father crippled the nanny who abused his child. The man, having discovered bruises on the body of his little daughter, decided to install a video camera in his house and see what the nanny was doing with the child. “When the video fell into the hands of my father, he was furious.

The nanny severely beat the girl, threw her on the floor and even stood on the girl's back and trampled her. After the parents watched the video, the woman herself ended up in a wheelchair, and the parents had to answer to the police for their actions.

For the little girl (she is now completely healthy), the story, fortunately, ended well. But not for parents and not for the nanny. Yesterday's monstrous murder of a little girl in Moscow shocked the entire civilized world. And it’s a pity that we only think about the safety of our children when something terrible happens,” the lawyer emphasizes.

Isabella Atlaskirova, lawyer

If an agency takes part in such a responsible matter, the risk for parents, of course, is significantly reduced, Izabella Atlaskirova is sure. "No recruiting agency will risk their reputation and hire an unverified person, without a recommendation."

And how to hire a nanny "from outside"? What exactly to check, and how to draw conclusions about whether it meets your requirements or not? “First of all, it is necessary to pay attention to such elementary things as: did the future nanny come to the meeting on time? Did she look clean and tidy? Are you psychologically compatible? - recommends Isabella Atlaskirova. - How well does the baby feel with the nanny? Does the nanny fulfill any requirements of the parents regarding the upbringing and care of the child? Be sure to ask the nanny for a medical book, a certificate from a psychiatrist and a psychologist, a certificate with marks from the PND, a dermatovenereologist, a narcologist, the results of fluorography, tests for HIV, hepatitis, RW, work book data, a diploma.

In addition, do not neglect such things as a contract with a nanny, the expert advises. “It must be remembered that the more you are legally connected with her, the less desire this employee has to act illegally. It is advisable to certify this contract with a notary. Moreover, be sure to include a trial period in the contract. It is necessary to describe in detail the duties, time of work, and be sure to mention the responsibility of the nanny.

Another point that is often discussed and can not come to a consensus in any way: is it worth installing CCTV cameras? “The decision on this issue depends only on the desire of parents to control everything that happens to their child as much as possible. But in any case, you should know that you have every right to install any cameras and voice recorders in your home. At the same time, you are not required to notify anyone, including your nanny. Although, perhaps if the nanny knows about the presence of cameras in the house, many situations can be avoided.

And most importantly, our experts advise, talk to your child. Ask him about how the day went, what they did with the nanny. This information will never be superfluous for you.

No child will study if they do not have to pass exams, and no adult will work if his salary does not at least indirectly depend on the result of his work. Nanny is no exception. Once having hired a reliable employee, you should not flatter yourself that he will do his job conscientiously without any control from the employer.

Photo by Getty Images

actress in a million

Let me give you an example that stuck in my memory. Once I needed to find a sports complex outside the Moscow Ring Road. Outside the city, finding something by address is much more difficult than on the streets of a metropolis, so I often had to stop the car, turn my head and ask for directions. The search led me to the territory of a closed cottage settlement, where I noticed a stranger with a little girl. They were walking next to the playground. The little girl shyly asked the woman about something, to which she answered every other time, with irritation, and looked at the girl with cold eyes, almost with hatred.

“Surely this is a nanny, not a mother or a relative,” I thought, and began to watch her. How can you hate your job so much?

Suddenly, the woman's phone rang. In mid-sentence, she stopped the dialogue with the baby, took out her mobile and answered. Chatting merrily, she moved along the path, and the girl remained standing in the same place, kicking the melted spring snow with her boot. The woman turned around, looked at the girl, waved to her, but she did not react, carried away by her occupation. Then the nanny came back with a quick step, sharply pulled the baby by the hand and dragged the three-year-old child along the road like a bag, without interrupting the telephone conversation! I shook my head and drove on.

Photo by Getty Images

Chatting on the phone, the nanny moved on, and the girl remained standing on the road, kicking a snowdrift

Forty minutes later I had to return by the same road, and I noticed them again. Just at that moment, a beautiful sports car drove into the village, so that I had to step aside, letting the car pass. There was a blonde behind the wheel of a sports car, seeing which the nanny changed her face ... Buddha himself would envy such a rapid enlightenment! She smiled at the girl, began to turn her head and show her something in the direction of the forest, squatted down, straightened her hat, then picked up the child in her arms and sang a song about a bear cub. She probably would have started dancing, but at that moment the blonde drove right up to them and lowered the driver's window. The nanny pretended that only now she noticed her mistress and squealed to the whole village: “Oh! And this is mommy came! - and chattered about how they had a good time on a walk.

I stood spellbound, unable to tear myself away from the contemplation of the miracle of spiritual transformation, but then a security guard turned to me with a request not to create a traffic jam. And I left, which I regret to this day. It was necessary, of course, to show parental solidarity and tell the blonde how her child is being treated while she is not looking. I don’t know how the girl’s mother would have reacted, but in her place I would only thank the caring passers-by.

Trust yes check

Perhaps there is no such employee who, in the presence of the boss, would behave in the same way as in solitude. But for some nannies, the difference in behavior is so great that even I, an experienced person in this matter, feel uneasy. Therefore, it is very important to monitor the work of a nanny. There are many ways of unobtrusive control. It can be a personal check of the results of the day's work, and a video surveillance system installed in the apartment, and spontaneous visits to places where "Mary Poppins" does not expect to see their parents. The main thing is not to watch the nanny where she herself easily understands that she is being watched and plays a role for the public.

There is one more important point, which concerns control - watch how the nanny observes the daily routine. Please note that not all employees are able to properly organize their working time. Even with a small number of obligations entrusted to the nanny, you can return home in the evening and see a completely exhausted woman who has not completed even half of the planned tasks. It is better to take the planning process into your own hands: make a schedule for the children and post it in a prominent place. I did just that. And when she saw how our nanny rushes around the house, grabbing at everything and leaving half of the cases unresolved, she made a schedule for her as well. The result was not long in coming: the woman began to spend much less energy, and her "efficiency" immediately increased.

Drawing up such a plan will not take much time, but you will get rid of the headache and understand how adequate your requirements for a nanny are. For example, suddenly you, without realizing it, are waiting for her to cook soup in 15 minutes or have time to take two children to classes that start at the same time, but are located at different addresses. Conversely, the nanny's complaints that she ironed three children's T-shirts for an hour and was very tired will no longer arouse your sympathy.

Summing up, I want to advise parents to definitely keep the work of nannies under control, because they are dealing with the most valuable thing that we have - with our children.

It happens that a young mother, for a number of reasons, has to return to an active social life soon after the birth of her baby. The need to transfer the crumbs to safe hands during the absence is not so rare, but not every family has this very pair of reliable hands in their environment. And then a nanny comes to replace grandparents, neighbors and friends.

How to choose a babysitter? Responsible parents understand how important it is to choose the right person with whom their child will spend time during the day. There are no secondary details in this question. The more prudent you are when choosing a nanny for a newborn, the calmer you will be leaving the child under the supervision of a stranger. So, an educational program: how to make an important mother's assistant out of a "strange aunt" in a short time.

“Mom, where do nannies come from?”

It is very important to understand where good nannies really come from. The key word here is “good”, because you can only entrust a child with a calm mind to a professional. Here are a few options to start your search for a babysitter:

Mobilize relatives or friends. This is one of the best options: it is unlikely that friends or relatives will advise you to use the services of a nanny, about whom they have a bad opinion.

Listening to the recommendations of even close people, you should take into account the possible difference in your principles: if a nanny was advised to you by people whose upbringing of a child does not suit you, do not be surprised at the differences in views with such an assistant.

Contact specialized agencies. The big advantage of this method is the ability to immediately set the criteria for choosing a nanny. In addition, the nanny will be found as soon as possible.

Finding a babysitter this way will cost you more. Contact, if possible, agencies with many years of experience and a good reputation, as there is a high risk of falling into the trap of scammers

Submit an ad looking for a helper. You can do this on the Internet at the same time, and post pieces of paper with your phone number on poles in your area.

When using this search method, be prepared for calls from “people on the street” who “fit” your requirements, but do not really match them.

The perfect babysitter

Each family considers purely personal requirements as priorities. It is important for someone that the nanny does not allow the baby to be self-willed, while someone, on the contrary, encourages the independence of the child. However, the experience of many couples suggests that the ideal nanny for a newborn must meet the above list of criteria.

Babysitter Requirements:

Professional Competence.

A good nanny should have either a pedagogical or medical education, and an ideal nanny should have both.

Sufficient work experience.

It is not enough to be educated - you need to be experienced. A nanny who has been working with children for more than a year knows how to entertain or calm the baby. Colic? Whims? An uncomfortable diaper? An experienced nanny will not only find the cause of the anxiety, but also relieve the child of it.

Optimal age.

Experience suggests that the ideal assistant is obtained from a woman between the ages of thirty and sixty. Not too young, but not too old, such a nanny has enough experience in raising her own children and at the same time is still full of energy.

This is a must! Feel free to contact the potential nanny's previous employers for feedback, and gently ask why they left.

What to focus on when choosing a babysitter?

In addition to professional qualities, when choosing a nanny, it is important to pay attention to the personal qualities of the applicant. You choose not a robot, but a person whose character and habits you are not familiar with. Pay close attention to the manner of speech and behavior of the nanny.

Be prepared to appreciate the following qualities:

• Punctuality
• Politeness
• benevolence
• Discipline
• Honesty
• Responsibility
• Equilibrium
• Accuracy

Of course, candidates with dirt under their nails, unwashed hair or familiar demeanor should not even be considered.

Pay attention to the number of decorations of the potential nanny: which ones do you think are acceptable ( wedding ring), and which ones can injure the baby. Insist that the woman caring for your baby does not overdo it with jewelry and decorative cosmetics: this can cause allergies in the baby.

What are the duties of a babysitter?

First of all, specify the list of duties of your assistant. If you are thinking about how to choose a nanny for a child under one year old, but at the same time you need help around the house, keep in mind that, ideally, two different people should deal with household chores and the baby. Of course, some nannies agree to clean up, cook food, do laundry, etc. for a fee. But in this case, you must watch to see if the quality and quantity of child care suffers.

If you want to be sure that the nanny will perform her main duties as efficiently as possible, do not load her with unnecessary work. The immediate duties of a nanny as your assistant include:

• Hygiene procedures
• Baby feeding
• walks
• Wellness gymnastics or massage
• Developing classes

Meet the main characters

Be prepared for the fact that when choosing a nanny for a baby, you will have to hold many meetings with candidates for the position of your assistant. However, you should not plan a tight schedule: both you and the baby can get tired of an excess of emotions and strangers. Interviews will no longer be effective.

Watch how the potential nanny behaves with the baby: how careful and confident she is, how she reacts to the whims of the child, is she irritated. Feel free to ask provocative questions while the candidate is working with the baby: what would she do in this or that situation, what skills does she have. On the first day, you should not pay close attention to the reaction of the child: it is quite natural that when meeting a stranger, the baby will be capricious.

Our subconscious mind captures much more non-verbal, thanks to which we can draw conclusions about the true intentions and character of a person. A casually spoken word, an insincere smile, excessive harshness or, conversely, sweetness will tell your intuition that you should not trust such a person.

A candidate may have a perfect resume and references, perfectly fit all the requirements, but with all this, you do not have confidence in this person and feel anxious at the thought that you will have to leave your baby alone with her, trust your intuition!

Trial by combat

If you have decided how to choose a nanny for a child under one year old and discussed her main responsibilities at the interview, get to work. For the first few days, do not leave the house: tell the assistant where the child’s clean things and hygiene items are stored, how to feed the baby and bring the worker up to date with the daily routine. Initiate the babysitter into the child's habits (favorite song, sleeping position, dangerous attempts to roll off the changing table). The ideal option is the two-day presence of a nanny during your normal daily routine. Walk together along your usual route, show how you care for the baby. The nanny must accept and fulfill your requirements.

Before you leave for the entire time specified in the contract, leave your contacts to the nanny, as well as contacts of close relatives and neighbors. Specify actions in case of illness, leave the phone number of the district pediatrician or the registry of the children's hospital. Introduce the nanny into the circle of your friends on walks: it will be easier for her to get used to the new environment, and for you to control her work.

Be sure to discuss the issue of who can be allowed into your home. Feel free to make comments and set rules: you are putting into the hands of the nanny the most precious thing you have - your baby. The result of her work can affect the whole future life and character of the child.

We control the nanny

How do you know if a nanny is doing her job? It's simple:

• Talk to a helper when you return home. Watch how accurately she tells you about the past day, whether she hides details.
• Pay attention to how the baby looks. Is he being naughty? Is he dressed in clean clothes, is he full or hungry?
• How willing is the nanny to leave the workplace? Does she burn with a desire to escape or is she going to leave calmly, talking about the details of the baby's behavior?
• Drop by home unannounced or ask someone close to you to do so. So you will see everything that interests you.

Remember that it is difficult to choose a good nanny, but it is possible and the Best Of Nanny service strives to help you find a nanny as quickly and easily as possible!

Our regular columnist told us about why she needed a nanny, despite the fact that her own mother was not opposed to taking care of her granddaughter. You can read about it in the column "Grandmother or babysitter: 4 myths that I want to debunk right now."

"Letidor" asked Nuria to tell in more detail how the search for a nanny for baby Safira went and what, based on her own experience, she can advise other parents.

Nuria Arkhipova

Finding a nanny is not as easy as it might seem at first glance. As soon as I decided to take an assistant, several questions arose in front of me at once:

1.** Where to look:** on the Internet or through an acquaintance?

2.** Which nanny is better:** a woman aged (40-50 years old) or a young one (under 30)?

3. How important availability of pedagogical education at the nanny?

4. Does the fact matter? the presence of the nanny's own children? Does this fact affect the attitude towards pupils? Or is it more important to find a person who just loves children?

5.** How to pay:** every day, once a week or monthly? Which do you prefer: hourly or daily?

6. And despite the fact that I have done more than one job interview in my life, I thought: what to look for when hiring a nanny?

7. The state of health of the future nanny: is it necessary have a medical certificate?

8.** How to control the work of a nanny**?

Where to look for a nanny

Despite the fact that I was extremely determined, I can not deny that I was not tormented by vague doubts. After all, it is normal to worry and worry about your children.

Initially, the search for a nanny was carried out with the help of specialized recruitment agencies, of which there are quite a lot on the market today. I settled on one of the most popular sites specializing in just a service for the selection of nannies. On it, there were filters by criteria, and an interactive map showing nannies in the district, and the presence of reviews from former employers. In addition, on the site you could immediately get acquainted with the age, education, experience, find out what kind of work schedule suits them and whether it matches your preferences.

True, an independent search for a nanny on the site is not a free service: to find a nanny, you need to pay 1290 rubles.

It seems to me that the money is lifting, and it is possible to spend it in order to get full access to the database and passport data of applicants. So, with the question of where to look, we figured it out.

Babysitter's age

As for age, I considered at least 40 years.

It seems to me that a younger nanny, especially if there are children of their own, who may still be small, will be more distracted by their children. A woman over forty has sufficient life experience, is more responsible, as a rule, has adult children and experience in raising them.

I decided that the upper age limit is strictly 55 years.

Children grow fast enough, you will not notice how the child is one year old, and he will start walking and then running. Therefore, the nanny should be, in my opinion, a woman active enough to, if necessary, run after the child.

And in general, quick reaction and mobility, as you yourself understand, are very important when it comes to babies - before you have time to look around, everything that was found nearby is dragged into your mouth.

The presence of pedagogical education

While the child is small (1-3 years old), in my opinion, pedagogical education is not a necessity. Desirable, but not required. But a teacher will not interfere with a three-year-old child.

But what is needed for a baby is the presence of a medical education in a nanny.

She should know how to lower the temperature, what medicines to stop the first symptoms of a cold, in general, she can distinguish when a child is naughty, and when he is harmful because he gets sick. Such a nanny knows everything about complementary foods: when and what can be introduced, she will quickly understand if the child has an allergy to something.

Another great bonus, in my opinion, is the skills of professional massage for children under one year old.

It is very important to do gymnastics and massage with kids - this has a great effect on both physical and emotional development.

Nanny has own children

Having children of my own, in my opinion, is a good bonus for a woman, because it means that she has her own maternal experience.

In some reviews on the Internet, I saw advice that it is imperative to be interested in the marital status of the nanny, whether she has children, how old they are, what they do, where they live. In general, find out how she took place as a mother.

But it seems to me that a woman's wealth as a mother has nothing to do with her professional skills.

For me, having children is not a priority. If a woman loves children, knows how to get along with them, has extensive experience in caring for babies, which is confirmed by the positive recommendations of previous employers, has a medical and / or pedagogical education, then the absence of her own children will not be a reason for me to refuse her work.

How to make payment

On the site, each nanny-applicant has a tariff in the “Payment” column.

The average price in Moscow today is 300 rubles per hour. You can find cheaper - 150 rubles per hour, and more expensive - 350-450 rubles per hour.

You can choose a nanny with accommodation - here everyone proceeds from what is convenient for him. For me, hourly pay and a nanny who lives not so far from us proved to be an excellent solution to all problems: she comes at the agreed time, spends a certain number of hours with the child and leaves.

By the way, you can arrange in advance with the nanny help with the housework and the execution of some assignments. Of course, I am against the fact that the nanny does household chores to the detriment of taking care of the child - it is more important for me that the baby is under constant supervision. But sometimes I still give her some orders.

It is also worth talking to the nanny in advance about overtime, possible overnight stays and feeding the child. How the child will eat is a very important question. You must think through everything in detail, because cooking a baby takes time. Yes, and an aptitude test would be nice to hold for a potential nanny if you want the child to eat not from cans.

We have solved this problem by itself: we have a grandmother who is a responsible chef who monitors the quality of dishes. But the nanny cooks and feeds Safira at the same time - that was my condition when applying for a job.

What to look for when hiring a nanny

At an interview with a nanny, you need to pay attention to EVERYTHING: how she behaves, how she talks, how she is dressed, how correct her speech is, how she smells.

Despite the fact that our nanny is by and large coming, she comes to our house every day. She spends several hours with Safira and with those who are in this moment Houses.

You need to understand that by hiring a nanny, you get a new family member who will be with you and your baby for quite a long period of time. Therefore, be attentive to the smallest details.

Even if everything suits you - age, education, experience, recommendations - but you feel that something is wrong, that your soul is not lying, then it is better to refuse and continue the search.

At the interview, do not be shy to ask for certificates, diplomas and other documents. Ask for recommendations and be sure to call the numbers that the potential nanny will provide you. Meticulously find out everything, including the family situation: with whom he lives, what he does. If a woman does not live alone, but, for example, with children and grandchildren, you can ask why she does not deal with them.

But something else is more important: children of preschool and school age often get sick, the nanny will in this case be a constant source of infections for your child. You need it? I think no.

So the marital status of a potential nanny is no less important than her skills and education.

Having a medical certificate

Having a medical book is a must! I'm sure you understand why. In a kindergarten and school, a teacher will not be allowed to reach children for a cannon shot if he does not have a medical permit, appropriate tests and all possible vaccinations.

If you fear that her certificate is invalid or bought, offer to go get tested and see a doctor together.

It's especially hard for working parents these days. The guilt that inevitably arises every time you have to part with a child for a whole day is exacerbated in such situations. How can we calm ourselves and should we do it? Who can you trust with the most precious thing you have?

Parents are often held hostage. Giving their treasure to the care of other people: teachers, educators, doctors, nannies - adults are reluctantly forced to trust and hope for the best. Parental anxiety and guilt for leaving our child with strangers are natural. I had to deal with different frightening stories: when nannies turned out to be thieves or alcoholics, which led to various unpleasant consequences, when caregivers showed cruelty and violence, when children faced harassment even from family members. Camp, school, hospital, kindergarten, cottage and even their own home become the epicenter of dangerous and tragic events for the child.

You can force professionals working with children to collect one hundred certificates of sanity and non-conviction. This is unlikely to protect children, but it will definitely cut off romantics and ideological educators, often alien to any bureaucracy. You can not trust the child to anyone, keep him with you, thereby depriving yourself and his opportunity to fully live and develop for the sake of perhaps a little more security.

Looking back at my children's nannies and caregivers, I think that the best of them were those who seemed strange at first glance. They did not hide behind the guise of social desirability their positions and views, interests, they did not try to please in everything - they allowed themselves to be themselves, frank. This (of course, if their "strangeness" does not go beyond the reasonable) allows you to better understand what to expect from a person. Although no one can give guarantees in all situations, parents always have the following means of reducing anxiety:

Intuition and attention to what is happening;

Trust in your own child

Open relationship with clearly defined rules, boundaries;

Courage and certainty lies in the fact that parents are customers, trustees, and not hostages. This very feeling of being caught, of powerlessness, is a cause for alarm;

Cooperation and mutual support with those who take on the difficult work of raising and nurturing our children.

Firstly, most mothers still check their nannies for adequacy. Secondly, I think (you can check the statistics), the damage with self-mutilation or murder is much more often committed by the parents themselves than by the nannies, if only because the parent often falls into a strong affect, because his relationship with the child is very close, important. Relations with the nanny are more distant, protected by the role, more opportunities not to bring yourself to passion.

What nannies should be alarming? A very restrained nanny - she gets used to very restraining feelings, and it is more likely that later she may break through the affect when she gets into a stressful state. A “kind of” very positive nanny is the same: it means she holds back the natural irritation that always manifests itself to the child when he does not obey or is naughty. A nanny with big problems in her own life, a nanny who is used to suffering (if you underpay her or often let her down, and she doesn’t even resent) - there is a chance that she will abruptly move from a masochistic (suffering) position to a sadistic one. Which nanny should inspire more confidence? A nanny with good boundaries, with her own interest (to make good money), with love for children, but not with the desire to “adopt” your child, with mobile emotionality, normal reactions will be quite adequate.

You can probably look for a nanny in agencies, if they are somehow tested there, according to acquaintances and recommendations. And, of course, talk to yourself.

The situation is terrible indeed. On the one hand, we all walk under God, anything can happen to each of us, anywhere. We can walk down the street and we will meet a man who has suddenly gone crazy right now. Or we can be hit by a car driven by a perfectly sane person. Anything can happen, and in this case, that event is definitely an accident. A monstrous set of circumstances. Everything is impossible to predict.

On the other hand, entrusting a child to someone is the biggest risk any parent can take. When we send a child to kindergarten or school, we also take risks. But in this case, some minimum guarantee may be the fame of the teacher or educator, or the reputation of the place where we send the child. Babysitting, on the other hand, is a much greater risk, because no matter what it looks like good man, he can cause harm - and for this he does not have to be some extremely bad or completely crazy. This person can be just, excuse me, a "burdock" inattentive. Yawn at the wrong time - and miss the child. After all, very often people are simply taken from the street without checking in any way.

The only way to reduce the risk is through the training of nannies fixed at the legislative level, their certification and strict certification of agencies that employ nannies.

Education is not something academic and long. However, it should be. In England, older women, having retired and wanting to do something for themselves, go to work in hippotherapy centers. No matter how kind and wonderful they are, no one will allow them to work with children - especially with special needs of health and development - without training. I note that we are not even talking about their work as hippotherapists, but about the position of assistant therapists. They undergo training for several weeks, then pass an exam, and only then are they allowed to work.

Over the twenty years of the center's operation, we have been approached by many parents who needed to train the woman with whom they agreed to care for a child with autism. We interact with such candidates for quite a long time, we include them as observers, first in group sessions, then in individual ones, we look at how the nanny reacts to the child, whether her reactions are adequate to the child's behavior. Children with autism can sometimes bite and hit, the nanny needs to be ready for this and react calmly. Only after several weeks of training and observation of the nanny can we tell parents - yes, the nanny is suitable, she can be with your child. And it is right! Babysitters must take courses, must pass exams, must be observed for some time in the team by experienced teachers, psychologists. And in a good way, yes, they should receive a certificate from a psycho-neurological dispensary.

Of course, certified nannies will cost more. But the degree of risk is monstrous! How to comfort parents now? Can I say to everyone else: do not worry, this is an isolated case? Unfortunately no. We need to understand what we are risking - the dearest, our own children.

I am categorically against "wild" nannies, no matter how good they may seem. If you have taken such a nanny, do not hesitate to set up cameras - just warn the nanny in advance, this is required by law: we are worried, understand us correctly, but there will be video surveillance at home. If the nanny is not satisfied with such conditions, look for another one.