What should I do if I don’t know how to communicate with guys, I’m very shy? What to do if I’m embarrassed to communicate with boys.

Young girls, just like boys, dream of finding their soulmate and building strong, harmonious relationships with their chosen one. But many representatives of the fair sex face a serious obstacle on the path to personal happiness - their own shyness and inability to communicate with men. Girls who are not different often not only cannot take the initiative in communicating with the young man they like, but also do not even know what to talk about with the guy if he started the conversation himself.

Contrary to popular belief that modesty and shyness are virtues of a woman's character, this is not the case. Of course, most men don’t like overly assertive, arrogant and unrestrained girls, but guys can perceive a lady’s excessive shyness and fear of communicating as a lack of interest. Everything is good in moderation, so in order to start a relationship with the young man you like, a girl should get rid of shyness and learn how to be interesting to a guy and freely communicate with him on any topic. And despite the seeming difficulty of achieving this goal, in fact, it’s quite simple to stop being shy with guys and learn to be interesting to them. To do this you just need to take three steps.

First step: getting rid of shyness in front of guys

Shyness and timidity towards members of the opposite sex always have its roots - namely, in those attitudes that caring mothers “drilled into the heads” of their daughters. “Men like modest and unapproachable women”, “a decent girl will never take the initiative first”, “modesty is the main female virtue” - these phrases were probably heard more than once in childhood by every woman suffering from excessive shyness in front of men.

Also, often the cause of shyness is a girl’s lack of self-confidence, namely, her attractiveness and ability to interest another person. And in order to overcome shyness and understand how to stop being shy about guys, a girl needs to get rid of the two main causes of her problem, namely, harmful attitudes and And the following tips will help with this:

Step two: becoming an interesting and versatile personality

Girls suffering from excessive shyness think about this, but instead they should think about something else, namely, how to become an interesting person and love themselves. All people, both women and men, like those with whom they can spend interesting and productive time, communicate on the most different topics and get something useful for yourself from communication (positive emotions, new knowledge, etc.).

Many guys like girls who are bright, versatile, and have many interests and hobbies, as young men understand that with such ladies you can have fun, learn a lot of new things and find many topics for conversation. And vice versa, girls whose only goal is to find a guy, as a rule, are rarely liked by men, since representatives of the stronger sex want to see an interesting and developed girl nearby, who in the future can become a reliable life partner, and not an infantile girl who constantly needs to be entertained .

Step three: understanding the intricacies of communicating with the guys you like

To start communicating with the guy you like, it is very important to find the right topic for the first conversation. And the biggest difficulty here is that it’s difficult to come up with such a topic in advance, because at the moment of communication you will have to act according to the circumstances. Therefore, having seen the object of her interest, the girl needs to evaluate the circumstances under which the meeting took place and start a conversation based on them. For example, if you already know a classmate, you can ask him to help figure out a study assignment, and if you met the object of your desire on the street, ask some neutral question about the weather/public transport schedule, etc.

Another A proven method for starting a conversation with a guy is to ask him for some help. Most men have subconscious level there is a desire to be a protector for women, so almost every guy will happily agree to be a knight for a beautiful stranger. However, you cannot overdo it with requests for help, so as not to get the exact opposite result. For example, if a girl asks a stranger for advice on choosing something, to take her home, or to lift a heavy bag onto the bus, this will be perceived as normal, but requests are beyond the bounds of reason (to help carry a heavy thing for 10 blocks, to deal with a group of aggressive people). people, etc.) the guy will most likely reject.

Despite the fact that at the beginning of communication, each girl should act according to the situation, still There are several universal recommendations, using which you can start a conversation and convey to the guy your desire to continue communicating with him. These tips are as follows:

If a girl manages to interest a guy, he will definitely invite her on a date. And on the first date, it is important for a representative of the fair sex to behave in such a way that it does not become the last, namely, to make a good impression, tell the guy correctly about yourself, find out as much as possible about him and intrigue him.

Figuring out how to tell a guy about yourself and what to talk about with him on a first date is much easier than starting a conversation with a stranger you like, because the girl will have enough time to prepare and think through the future conversation. When telling a guy about yourself, it is important to present yourself to him as an interesting person. To do this, the girl needs to tell him about her interests and hobbies, mention something unusual and exciting that happened in her life, and also talk about her plans for the future in general terms. But it’s better not to tell a guy about problems, difficulties and quarrels with an ex-boyfriend/friends/relatives on the first date - a girl who likes to complain about life and whine about problems has a much lower chance of being liked by a guy. And of course, on the first date you need to not only think about what to talk about with the guy, but also remember that listening to a man is no less important than telling him about yourself and something interesting.

A woman who goes on a date wants to be spontaneous and cheerful, to conquer a man with her open smile and sincere ease of communication. But often she begins to behave completely differently: she becomes constrained, lowers her eyes and cannot squeeze out words. Is it possible to be the master of your own behavior? What are the causes of embarrassment and are there ways to overcome it? How to stop being shy when communicating with a status man?

Causes of stiffness

Upbringing. From childhood, girls are taught stereotypes of behavior that they need to be obedient and modest. Girls are told that in relationships with boys they cannot show their interest so that they are “valued more.” The result is a constrained, tense woman who cannot relax and be herself.

Parent script. We subconsciously learn behavior from our mothers, including in relationships with men. Mothers who started families in the USSR rarely knew how to show their feminine warmth and openness. They tend to be stern and keep men at a distance, and their daughters adopt this style of behavior.

Negative experience. can drag on for a long time as a negative trail, poisoning the present. It’s hard for a woman to open up to a new man, having already experienced betrayal and pain once. If these moments are not worked through purposefully, they can harm your future for a long time.

Literary images. Books and movies often show the characters of the main characters who supposedly conquer men’s hearts. These are cold, closed, sometimes even arrogant ladies, behind whom there is a line of admirers. Women try on these images for themselves, but in real life such behavior is more likely to scare a man away.

Women's images and clips

Subconsciously, a woman can choose an image that is completely unsuitable for a date. This behavior cannot ignite a potential partner; you will not show him your generous creative feminine energy.

Clamps that carry certain images interfere with construction. It's not surprising that they can push a man away even on the first date. I will list some of these types of behavior, and imagine how you would react if your interlocutor behaved this way.

The Snow Queen with all her appearance she shows that she is a person of royal blood. She has an icy heart and no emotions, her head is raised proudly, and there is emotionless coldness in her eyes.

Shy afraid to show the slightest interest in her partner, she lowers her eyes, tries not to make eye contact, remains silent and shows absolutely no initiative in communication.

teacher knows everything better than anyone. She looks from above, makes comments, she has her own opinion on everything, which she will definitely tell her interlocutor from a smarter position.

Businesswoman always busy. She has no time to relax, she is all about business. She immediately makes it clear to her interlocutor that she is not fooled, and she will not be fooled. It is immediately clear that she is not the kind of person who will be a soft wife behind her beloved’s back.

Your boyfriend deprives herself of femininity, she is the same as the representatives of the stronger sex. There is no tenderness and affection in such a woman; she has a masculine demeanor. You don't need to take care of her or take care of her.

Vest, who is always ready to support and lend her shoulder. She attracts men only with the opportunity to take upon herself the whole heap of their negative thoughts. She has no time to care about her personal happiness; she is busy solving other people's problems.

How to stop being shy and become more open?

Come up with a new look. For example, this could be the heroine of your loved one who is pleasant to talk to. Imagine that she is you - you may find it easier to relax and have a pleasant, casual conversation.

“Replay” the situation. If you are worried that you may be embarrassed at some moments, try to live through them mentally in advance. You know your weak points and you can think through ways out of these situations in advance.

Practice on friends. Chat with friends, talking about topics that you want to cover in a conversation with a man. This will be a good workout before your date and you will get better.

Make yourself comfortable. If you have a cozy place where you feel relaxed enough, suggest holding the meeting there. In a familiar environment, you will behave more freely.

Talk to strangers. You must understand that communication is not scary. Choose unfamiliar men who are not very attractive to you, but are in good mood. Approach them and start a conversation. For example, ask how to get to a place.

Communicate with men. Train your communication skills with those men who you have at work or in a common company, with neighbors, friends. Kindly ask for advice, give compliments, ask for opinions.

Rules of behavior on a date

By adhering to certain behavior, you can leave a much more pleasant impression of yourself than you could in a constrained, withdrawn state. What should you do for this?

• Play with the man. Smile at your interlocutor - this shows that you like him. Learn to behave gracefully and beautifully, move gracefully, and radiate soft sexuality.
• Listen to what he says and ask clarifying questions - by paying attention you demonstrate respect and interest. Don't talk too much about yourself, be more interested in your partner.
• Create ease in relationships - always show your man all your positive emotions without hiding them. Your partner should see your sociability, friendliness and cheerfulness.
• Go on dates more often - this is a great workout for being tense. Even if you don’t really like a man by correspondence, you can meet in a cafe and chat, this is great practice for the future.

And for all of the above to be sincere, set yourself the main goal: to receive great pleasure from your communication. Don’t be afraid to disappoint him: this is not the only man in the whole world. If you fail to please each other, it won't be a big deal: consider it as useful experience, as a step in your improvement as an interlocutor.

How to stop being shy. Useful video:

Practice, and over time you will definitely become a more sociable and interesting conversationalist, and I, Julia Lanske, an expert in selecting the ideal partner for relationships, sincerely wish this for you!

What should you do if you constantly ask yourself: what should I do if I don’t know how to communicate with guys, I’m very shy? First, stop being afraid of your problem and being ashamed of it in front of others. In fact, there are a lot around modest girls who simply behave in such a way that no one has any idea about their character and worldview. You can also become like this, you just need to reconsider some of your manners and views.

So, you should never be afraid of guys. In general, don't be scared of people. In fact, we humans are not that far removed from dogs. When someone feels an animal fear of our unforgettable persons, we begin to feel like kings, and almost subconsciously we humiliate or insult the person so that he will continue to bring us this feeling. Therefore, never allow people to express themselves and assert themselves at your expense. You are no worse than all of them, and, most likely, even better. Think about why exactly the person doesn’t like you and wants to offend you; perhaps it’s just envy.

Always remember that young people love self-confident people, but not self-confident ones. Therefore, just behave naturally in the company of new acquaintances. You don’t need to set yourself up for the fact that they won’t like you, that they won’t be interested in listening to you. On the contrary, communicate with them as if you know that in a couple of hours they will already be stacked at your feet or call you a friend.

Each person has a strong point, their own special “trick” that helps to win people over. For some it is a sense of humor, for others it is intelligence, and for others it is kindness. It does not matter in principle what kind of feature it will be. Just think carefully about why your friends and loved ones love you most, for what character traits they praise and constantly highlight. These are the ones that need to be used as real weapons. Direct this quality to new acquaintances and guys, develop it, and, over time, you will understand that it has become your strong point.

The reasons why a girl asks questions such as what to do if she is very shy and doesn’t know how to communicate with guys, most often is the lack of male upbringing, which then influenced the ability to find contact with men. Many young girls who grew up in single-parent families and were raised by their mothers and grandmothers simply don’t know what to talk about with guys or how to behave. They absolutely do not understand male representatives, so they are embarrassed, afraid to say something wrong. In addition, they may have an unpleasant aftertaste in their souls from childhood and adolescence when the guys offended them and humiliated them.

All this must be forgotten once and for all. Children can be cruel, which is why they don’t try to understand their peers. But those days are long gone. A normal guy would never hurt a girl. If he nevertheless acts in this way, it means that such a male individual should not be called a man, much less continue to communicate with him.

Normal people can always appreciate you by your intelligence and sense of humor. So don’t forget about these qualities when you start communicating with someone. If a girl silently looks at the floor and struggles to say anything, even the kindest and most positive people cannot stand the long company of such a madam. People who can't carry on a conversation are simply annoying because they seem to dislike company and treat others with disrespect.

Therefore, try to forget about fear. Of course, at first it will not be easy, but you must gather all your will into a fist and force yourself to let go of all fears and doubts. Just be yourself, the way you are among those closest to you. Never slouch, don’t lower your head, in general, don’t choose for yourself the role of an unfortunate victim who is just waiting for the ax to fall on her neck. Of course, you don’t need to be overly self-confident and proud, especially if this image doesn’t suit you at all. Try to be moderate in everything and perceive reality adequately. In many companies there are not very pleasant individuals who can offend with a word. But this does not mean that everyone else will be the same. Therefore, for starters, at least try to ignore the offender with dignity. A little time will pass and you will learn to fight back gracefully and civilly. You just need to have a little faith in yourself. This faith will be given to you by people who will reach out to you, begin to communicate and be friends with you. If you manage to captivate your new acquaintances, soon they will definitely become your friends. But for this you need not to play a role, but to be real and natural.

Also, many girls recruit because of their appearance. This can also be fixed. Ugly women It doesn’t happen, some people just don’t know how to emphasize their highlights. To feel like yourself, try changing your wardrobe, hairstyle and makeup. Choose a style that can hide everything that you don’t like about yourself and emphasize the positive aspects. In addition, you can go in for sports, sign up for dancing, in general, come up with an activity that will have a positive effect on your appearance and skills, and will also bring joy.

The answer to the question: “What to do. If I don’t know how to communicate with guys: “very shy” lies directly in you. Every woman attracts men with something. Some with humor, some with intelligence, some with plasticity. Don't just look for correct solution and make some lady your standard. Remember that you are an individual, so your behavior should also be unique and individual. If you copy someone, you will only cause laughter and bewilderment. You should never be afraid of yourself. You are a smart, kind, unique, interesting person. There is always something about you that others, and in particular guys, might like. Just learn to show it without thinking or fear. And then, over time, you can forget about fear and embarrassment, and men will see you as a charming and confident girl.

In many ways, success in business, as in personal life, depends on the ability to communicate easily, especially if you are a girl, we will help you and advise you How. How can you learn to win over and attract people, make communication with you desirable, and be able to show sincere interest both in the personal experiences of your interlocutor and in matters related to business?

Before moving on to advice, you need to understand what shyness is? Shyness is a state of mind that is manifested by characteristic features: tension, timidity, awkwardness in unfamiliar company, stiffness.

How to overcome the well-known social awkwardness that sometimes prevents promotion? The answer is very simple - it is necessary overcome shyness, learn to communicate with people of all kinds of professions, age categories, and holders of different social statuses.

There are individuals who are called introverts; it is extremely difficult for them to have a conversation with unfamiliar or unfamiliar people, especially female with men. The following recommendations will help you overcome shyness in front of a guy.

How to overcome shyness in front of a guy?

First tip. Smile more! Many people can’t even think how important it is. It is this that subsequently influences the entire course of communication and the complete perception of the introvert by others. Sometimes such a person has to make enormous efforts so that people around him stop considering him a tense or frightened person.

How do you learn to smile in a society where people are complete strangers to you, when in reality you want to hide in the darkest corner and minimize unpleasant communication? Think carefully. Think about funny or interesting moments in your life that can make you smile! Practice more. To overcome shyness, give people your smile more often, even when you are standing in line, meeting your eyes while walking down the street. And quickly, you realize that it’s not difficult at all, on the contrary, it’s even funny.

Second tip. Try to start conversations with people you don't know. For this you need overcome shyness in front of a guy. When you are surrounded by a lot of strangers, you prefer to remain silent, it’s easier to stay in your comfort zone. But in reality, you simply need communication, especially if it concerns creating friendships or friendly relations.

After some time, it will become much easier for you to start a conversation with a stranger, with whom communication is very important; perhaps this person will help you in your career growth. You can read about how to talk anywhere and with anyone. Training, which will help in the future, can be done on the bus, in a cafe, or at corporate events.

Third tip. Throughout the conversation, look your interlocutor in the eyes. Dear introverts, you don’t need to look around or turn away while talking with a specific person, and this is especially true when you meet for the first time. You need to remember that if you look directly into the eyes of your interlocutor, this signals your interest and attracts the speaker to you. If during a conversation you look at the people around you or just look around, this signals that you are bored and are absolutely not interested in this conversation, your interlocutor will certainly understand this. If you want the upcoming conversation to bear fruit, look straight into the eyes.

Tip four. Try to remember the names and faces of the people you contact, they will feel important. Firstly, before meeting you, you must overcome shyness in front of a guy, then you need to try to remember minimal information about him, identify his appearance with his name, so that at a subsequent meeting you can remember with whom and what you were talking about. You can win over a high-ranking and important person by first finding out information about him.

Tip five. No need to dine alone, find someone who will keep you company. Eating food quite strongly encourages people to have a frank and sincere conversation. When dining, under no circumstances do it alone; combine business with pleasure.

Tip six. If there are no common topics for conversation, simply ask about the interests of the person talking to you. It happens that topics for conversation dry up very quickly and awkward silence begins. If such a moment has come, start a conversation about the first thing that comes to your mind, the main thing in this matter is, of course, relevance.

A new love always makes adjustments to a girl’s life. All emotional and psychological processes are included in the work: the mood changes, strong excitement appears when meeting a lover, and the heart skips a beat.

But physiology often leads: sometimes the girl blushes, sometimes her voice trembles, sometimes her palms sweat. The hardest thing to deal with is embarrassment and embarrassment. But let's try to change something so that you can behave more relaxed.

Normal girl upbringing

In general, it’s wonderful that you have such a reaction to your new lover, if it is not pathological. This means you were given a normal, standard upbringing, like all girls in childhood. The phrase “Well, you’re a girl!” sounded almost out of nowhere for any reason:

• You can’t rage, run, yell, jump and swear;
• Don’t play aggressive boyish games;
• It’s not nice to be an upstart, a braggart and an imaginary.

“Be more modest, girl!” — that’s what the main emphasis was on. The weak half of humanity has developed this kind of complex or reflex: to react to some unfeminine situation with embarrassment and redness of the cheeks.

Falling in love is no exception. After all, it’s not customary for a girl to approach a guy in a nightclub and say:

Young man, doesn’t your dad need a daughter-in-law?

Any attention from an insolent person must be rebuffed, even though he is a nice guy. But if a dream guy hits on you, then why shouldn’t the girl reciprocate? This is the norm in education.

But it happens like this: even if at the first meeting you liked a guy, and you are not able to overcome embarrassment, then God knows from what depths of your soul a bad response comes from - you may inadvertently be rude to him yourself.

But such a reaction is pathology, as in the article. From this article you will find out why this happens to you, and you will find recommendations on what you can do about it. Your reaction is clear - you just scared away your fear in this way: it’s like suddenly killing a spider when it suddenly appears.

But your embarrassment without aggression can also be understood; apparently the psychological trauma is not so deep. This is written in the article. You are simply subconsciously afraid of love failures, if an affair with this handsome man suddenly begins. But you still have little or no experience.

Appearance comes first!

All failures and failures in women are often associated with insecurity in their appearance. Even some little thing, hidden from the eyes of strangers, subconsciously drives you crazy. And if this flaw begins to catch everyone’s eye, then it’s time to completely turn off the light.

This is not necessarily a physical defect, but simply some kind of sloppiness in clothes, manicure, and makeup. There is a good example in the article - it talks about a simple tightening on tights, which can shake a balanced psyche.

If you suddenly fall in love, accustom yourself to neatness. After all, if you start an affair and go on dates, then the first sex with the guy you are dating may also come as a surprise. And if you are not sure about something, you will be embarrassed like Bridget Jones with her huge underpants.

To be one step more confident, don’t be afraid to change yourself, even if not radically. Dye your hair a shade lighter, experiment with hairspray color and clothing style. Moreover, you yourself want your lover to notice you in the crowd.

How to deal with treacherous physiology

All these blushes, a surge of heat and trembling in your hands and voice instantly betrays you as a poor woman in love who is embarrassed when communicating with her object of desire. Let's first think about how to get rid of these unpleasant things using the following means:

Sweating. Here you can use antiperspirants that contain aluminum chloride. And carry dry wipes in your purse. Also, do hand baths daily with a weak solution of potassium permanganate. Hands are the first traitors: after all, you’re even afraid to say hello to a guy, holding out your sweaty palm for him to kiss his fingers.

Facial redness. This is also an unpleasant symptom, but it is unpleasant only if the redness is patchy or the face becomes dark brown. In this case, in order not to blush at the sight of a guy, you will need Foundation or powder good quality. But if you have a cute blush, then it only brightens up your embarrassed face.

Trembling in hands and voice. This can also be literally hushed up. When talking, simple chewing gum or a lollipop helps. Yes, and you need to keep your hands busy. Take the advice of the main character from the movie: “Mistress Maid”:

To remove excess energy, I need a lightning rod - a simple paper clip, I hold it in my hands. All the energy goes into the paperclip and only speech remains! And this speech is smooth and exciting. Some of the best speakers have held a paperclip. Like, for example, Henry Kissinger.

Christopher Marshall

See how simple it is? To loosen up a little and overcome fear, you only need a napkin, chewing gum, powder and a paper clip. Everything fits in a purse, everything can be in demand. So physiology is much easier to deal with than psychology.

How to overcome yourself psychologically

There are women who are afraid of absolutely everything when they are next to their new boyfriend: they are embarrassed to eat in front of him (how am I going to chew in front of him?), laugh (what if he doesn’t like my facial expressions?), and they are even scared to look at him (what if he reads something in my eyes?).

Usually this problem appears at the very beginning Serious relationships, when you creep up to the junction on the sly. But there is a way out of this problem:

If you are embarrassed to speak, listen more. In general, men are delighted with those women who listen carefully; there are few such girls. Answer only if asked. Don’t be shy to admit that you’re not strong in some areas - it’s much better than being clever and getting into trouble. Remember the saying: “It’s not a shame not to know, it’s a shame not to want to know!” Let the man himself enlighten you with some of his knowledge.

Keep in mind that when you fall in love, the frontal lobe, which is responsible for logic, is slightly switched off. Therefore, for a woman in love, this process can take twice as long. If you notice your mistakes in behavior, and your lover also sees this, then it is better to turn everything into a joke and self-criticism. It will look more natural than putting yourself in a stupid position with a straight face.

Don’t try to force him to like him, that is, to arouse random interest in him, as if you have nothing to do with it. Well, that is, deliberately laughing loudly in the circle of girlfriends in front of him, constantly appearing where he is relaxing, writing some nonsense on his photographs on social networks, supposedly from someone else. Sometimes, when women are “too much,” the effect can be the opposite.

Any man is pleased with everything that happens naturally; men know how to sense a catch, although their intuition is less developed than that of women. Don’t be afraid to show a guy that you’re shy, it’s even touching.

If the guy is not a fool, is quite experienced, and he perfectly understands the female soul, then he has already “seen through” you a long time ago, he is simply tactfully keeping silent about his guesses. And your attempts to be an iron lady despite obvious mistakes seem funny to him.

How to overcome embarrassment at first intimacy

There will be no embarrassment as such if you have already been close in spirit for a long time. If your hygiene is in order, and you are not overgrown with complexes about your appearance, then just turn off your brain when making love. Oh yes, just take care of contraceptives in advance.

But if you have any serious fears or psychological trauma in this regard, then this article will help you. By throwing the whole past out of your head and setting yourself up for the positive, you can quickly stop being shy about a guy, especially if he is gentle and delicate in bed.