How to become emotionally independent from your husband. Emotional dependency

After marriage, especially with a wealthy man, one can often observe how a woman turns from a strong and free woman into a housewife. Against the backdrop of vivid feelings of the first years married life the realization that something has changed in life and not in better side, does not come immediately. But after the thoughts clear up and the veil falls from the eyes, a logical question arises, how to become independent from her husband?

Men are mostly hunters and miners. This role obliges a lot, so striving for independence is considered quite natural for them. But the psychology of men is arranged in such a way that it is not enough for them to be simply independent, they certainly want their wife to depend on her husband.

Perhaps they believe that in this way it is easier to keep a woman near them. The form of the dependency does not matter. Most often, a woman depends on a man morally or financially, and sometimes in the first and second way at the same time. Turning into a housewife who sees nothing beyond the bedroom, kitchen and children usually occurs in two scenarios.

The first is a direct statement that after the wedding, a woman should not work and her main occupation is to provide comfort in the house (consider the place in the kitchen).
The second one is more sophisticated. The husband smoothly brings his wife to the idea that his beloved wife should not work somewhere, and he, as a breadwinner, will provide for her and the children. This is where home tyranny begins.

In such families, the only thing the wives do is wash, wash, cook, look after the children and wear slippers in their teeth. Some see their happiness in this and are quite satisfied, but others are not attracted to the role of a full-time housekeeper.

How to become independent from her husband and not destroy the family?

The first thing to start with is to understand what kind of addiction you are in. If the question is purely material, then you need to look for a job. Many may protest, saying that a woman was created to be loved and carried in her arms, and not just to be freed from the family yoke, to harness herself to the yoke of a truly working horse.
Such ladies will have to be disappointed - you will never become independent. Freedom is not only privileges, but also a number of duties. If you do not want to take them upon yourself, it means that you are striving not for freedom, but simply for an idle life.

With moral dependence, the situation is somewhat different; in order to overcome it, it is necessary to develop some strong-willed qualities in oneself. For these purposes, there are special trainings and courses, but you can give a few tips, following which will help not only take the first step towards freedom, but also grow as a person.

First steps towards freedom

The first thing to do is to really set a goal. Without a firm intention, there will be no result.
The second tip is to get yourself in the proper state. A woman independent of her husband - beautiful woman. It often happens that a woman ceases to take care of herself in the daily routine, if you want to return that special attitude that your husband had for you before, make an effort and become as bright as in the first days of your acquaintances.
An independent woman is not only a beautiful wrapper, but also something that hides inside. Undoubtedly, there are some subjects or topics that have always interested you, but due to lack of time you have always put them on the back burner, take care of them immediately. Read more, share your thoughts, but not with your husband, but, for example, with your friends. Find a hobby outside of the home.
For your man, you must again represent a kind of mystery. Feel free to win back your right to some personal affairs outside the walls of the apartment, but do not overdo it so that your other half does not begin to suspect you of something wrong.

Many girls dream of marrying a rich man, mistakenly believing that family life where the wife lives dependent on her husband and can spend any money on her whims, looks like a fairy tale. In fact, wives who do not work anywhere are dependent individuals with low self-esteem, who consider themselves unable to provide for themselves on their own and prefer to endure than to try to change their lives.

none woman cannot feel happy while remaining dependent on a man. After all, any addiction means only one thing - to obey someone else's rules, and not to manage your life. The first thing to do for a woman who dreams of happy marriage- it is regardless of how much the husband earns, to make every effort to maintain his personal integrity. For this, it is necessary to declare already at the beginning of a joint life: "I do not intend to leave my job, the role of a housewife does not suit me!"

Of course, many women, after reading this, they may protest, saying: “The purpose of a woman is to love and be loved, and not work like a horse. A housewife woman has a lot of time to take care of herself, take care of her children and husband. can't be unhappy!" Yes, there are among non-working women and those who are satisfied with their lives, but there are only a few of them.

Basic Quantity women financially dependent on, feel like a toy in the hands of their spouse and experience daily fear that they can get bored, and he will find himself a more interesting woman, clearly winning against the background of the "faceless doll". They are afraid not so much of losing their husband as of being left without a livelihood. Therefore, many people prefer to unquestioningly fulfill all the whims of their husband and forgive him everything. Can such a life be called happy?

Be independent of her husband- the key to true female happiness. Difficult to find married woman, which would not be a burden to constant expectations when her husband would give her a fur coat, a ring or allocate money for the purchase of outfits, cosmetics and entertainment with friends. Almost all men are ready to part with a large sum of money for the sake of their beloved woman, but in return for this they demand unquestioning worship and submission. A dependent woman tries to please her husband in everything and not argue with him, gradually turning into a slave.

Strong wish getting rid of financial and psychological dependence on her husband makes women turn to psychologists, as constant fear and stress inevitably lead to prolonged depression over time. You can avoid such a development of the situation if you decide for yourself that you also have the right to have your own opinion and decide what is convenient for you and what is not? That you are as free a man as your husband. That you, too, can opt out if you don't feel like doing something. At the same time, do not apologize, do not explain and do not make excuses ....

leave the habit guess about the mood of her husband in his voice. Seeing that he is dissatisfied with something directly ask him about it or do not pay attention. He wants to tell. Yes, you, just like him, have the right not to immediately answer his calls, stay late at work and not explain anything. Ask him not to do this again, because you do not like his behavior. But only an independent woman who values ​​\u200b\u200bher freedom can behave in this way.

To gain freedom You will need to take on a number of responsibilities, including:

1. Earn Money. If you cannot imagine your life without the financial support of your husband, then this is a sign that you are striving not for freedom, but for an idle life. Freedom is not only a guarantee of successful and happy life but also a number of responsibilities. Even if you do not have the opportunity to go to work right now, for example, you are on maternity leave, do not turn into a housewife. Increase your self-education to become a sought-after specialist and upon graduation maternity leave start working immediately. Purposeful and hardworking employees are always valuable, after a while they become indispensable and receive a high salary.

2. Be independent. Don't turn love into addiction. Do not rush to immediately ask for help from your husband and stop complaining to him on every occasion. Try to solve your problems on your own, for example, change an apartment, arrange a child in a prestigious kindergarten Or send him to a sports school. To prevent your independence from becoming the cause of family quarrels, tell your husband about your decision, but do not ask him. Relations in families where the wife is an assistant and friend of her husband, and does not sit on his neck, are much stronger. Do not be afraid to spend time apart from your husband, let him get bored a little and understand that he cannot live without you.

3. Don't be jealous. Learn to trust your husband and behave in such a way that he does not have reasons to be jealous of you. Trying to be independent, many women go too far, spending a lot of time with friends, going out to restaurants and parties with friends. We must not forget that freedom alone is not enough for happiness, it is extremely important to maintain the love and respect of all family members. Jealousy destroys relationships, which is why they say: "Loneliness is the flip side of freedom."

Video about the typical fate of a girl and the self-realization of most women

Only relationships in which there is mutual love can be called happy. This feeling can be compared with the feeling of wings behind the back, and there is no other like it in the world. However, it is very important to be able not to lose yourself in union with a man. Today, among women there are many persons whose love for the representatives of the stronger sex, imperceptibly for them, develops into an emotional dependence on a man. This feeling is akin to a disease, and therefore it should be disposed of by any means.

Hostage of feelings

Emotional dependency from a man, in fact, there is nothing more than a pathological, unhealthy form of strong emotional attachment. But unlike love, from which a woman receives mostly positive sensations, the above-mentioned condition brings many negative points to its owner: heartache, tears, self-doubt, loss of taste for life, apathy.

In especially neglected cases, it can cause the development of prolonged depression, neuroses and even somatic diseases. In other words, we are dealing with a feeling of terrible destructive power, which, in the literal sense of the word, is capable of trampling, destroying its carrier.

Emotional dependence on a man can be described as a deep preoccupation with a specific person, in our case - with a certain man, of course, to the detriment of oneself. For the victim of this painful state of soul and mind, the beloved becomes a personal god, the center of the universe. "I can't live without him!" - this is the phrase that most eloquently defines the very essence of emotional dependence. A woman does not care about herself: only the presence of a beloved man, his look, voice, beliefs, interests matter. And the need for all this is strengthened in her every day.

It is not difficult to guess the consequences of such a relationship: the “master” loses respect for the “slave” dependent on him, more and more often humiliates and offends her, even manipulates her. In such unions, scandals and mutual reproaches are not uncommon, because the victim of addiction is constantly trying to control his “god”, encroaching on his personal freedom. It is clear that such an unhealthy connection cannot have a happy joint future.

Why does a woman become emotionally dependent?

Why are the fair sex so often, even in our emancipated age, become hostages own feelings to a man who has acquired an unhealthy tendency? The reasons for emotional dependence can be different.

• The problem comes from childhood. If a girl is too strongly attached to her parents or mother, she is quite capable of taking with her the need to see the world through someone else's eyes and act in accordance with someone else's beliefs into adulthood. On the other hand, at the origins of a woman's emotional dependence on a man, on the contrary, there may also be a lack of maternal affection, tenderness, and care in childhood. In this case, the baby seeks by any means to attract the attention of the parent, up to sacrifice and complete submission. Accordingly, this model of behavior, already being an adult woman, she transfers to the man she likes.
• Distorted ideas about love and relationships. It so happened that from time immemorial and to this day in our society the idea is cultivated that a woman should please a man in everything. Read articles and books on psychology: the lion's share of them teaches beautiful ladies to show interest in a male person, now and then make concessions in relations with him, put the partner's interests above their own, etc. Most of the young ladies take such information into service, and then they are surprised that the chosen ones do not put them in a penny, they themselves suffer from unhealthy emotional dependence.
• Fear of loneliness as a cause of emotional dependence on a man. Explicit or subconscious, it is he who most often turns tender female feelings to a man in an uncontrollable need to always be near the chosen one, to breathe him. A woman simply cannot imagine her life without a lover, because without a soulmate she considers and feels inferior and lonely.

How to get rid

To overcome the debilitating feeling in yourself, which is an unhealthy form of love for a man, you must take the following actions.

• Analyze the origins of your problem. Think back to your own childhood; reflect on the relationship that has developed between you and your parents. Answer the question: what exactly did you not get from your mother and father in terms of feelings, emotions? Know that this is what you are trying to acquire today in union with a man.
• Learn to take responsibility for your own life. Stop looking for someone to blame for your failures and troubles, for your bad luck. No one is obliged to love, respect, appreciate you, even though you really want this. Maybe you are not to blame for this, but still it is worth finding the reasons for your mistakes in your personal behavior and actions.
• Do not always try to live up to the expectations of a loved one and be good to everyone. This is impossible, and therefore it is much more important to remain yourself in any situation. Even if you are used to pleasing a man in everything, stop and ask yourself: do you like what you do, or do you have to commit violence against yourself every time? Do you lose your self-respect by trying only for his happiness? The answers will surely sober you up.
• love yourself. A woman who feels true love and respect for herself will never become a victim of emotional dependence on a man. On the other hand: no one will love the one who does not love herself.

• Take steps to improve your self-esteem. From now on, put your own, not men's interests at the forefront, and rely only on your own opinion in making decisions. This will help you become more confident and independent from the object of destructive passion.
• To understand this thing: you have no right to control every step of your soulmate, you cannot remake and re-educate the chosen one in your own way. All this can really be done only on your own person.
• Look at yourself from the outside, especially in situations where you humiliate yourself in front of your loved one, silently “swallow” insults, and engage in self-sacrifice for the sake of your partner’s well-being. Is the woman you saw attractive and worthy of respect, in your opinion? Is she worthy of sincere love and respect from a man? If you understand that you are not, then you are on the right path to freedom from emotional addiction.
• Analyze the shortcomings of a beloved man. Write them down on a piece of paper. Be extremely honest with yourself. In addition to the minuses, also fix the unworthy deeds of your chosen one. Is the whole sheet full? Did you even have to use a new one? This means that this man is not worthy of your love, and emotionally dependent on him is at least stupid.

• Be clear about your needs and desires. By leaving them unsatisfied, you do not recognize yourself as an independent person, capable of living and acting autonomously.

Don't let pathological attachment and emotional dependency enslave you! Live full life, enjoy every day. Do not focus only on a man - there are many important and interesting things in life, life is multifaceted.

It just so happened that from time immemorial in the family it was the man who was considered the head, support, earner, protector, and I don’t know who else there. But life cannot stand still, the house building rules have long since lost their authority, and more and more often women began to ask the question: “How to become independent from a husband?”. Today it is already difficult to find that woman who would not be burdened by the constant expectations of the next financial "investment" from her husband to buy clothes, cosmetics or entertainment with friends. In addition, it is not a secret for any of us women that almost all men consider these expenses to be completely useless!

Yes, children, order and comfort in the house are sacred. But in no case should the rest of life be allowed to pass by, flashing through the windows of the kitchen and the nursery! For the sake of a man to hide his virtues and talents deeper, completely obeying him? Yes, for nothing! Today we will tell you how to become independent from your husband and show all your best qualities as a unique individual.

Women's dependence on husbands

Usually as soon as two start life together, and it doesn’t matter if it’s a legal marriage or just cohabitation, women’s “girlish” interests go into the background. Career? Yes, why is it needed, it doesn’t suit a woman at all, it’s better to support me on the way to my professional heights! Hobby? Don't you know that now your main hobby is me? Personal time? Darling, your personal time will now be occupied by me personally!

Indeed, housekeeping, caring for children (including the most important child - the husband) puts on the shoulders of women, already fragile, new "official" duties. Trying to fulfill them as best as possible, a woman pushes her own life, her own interests further and further in order to preserve a good relationship with a husband and raise good children.

Increasingly, she neglects her hobbies for the sake of her husband's hobbies, cooks his favorite dishes, watches movies that he likes, and even uses cosmetics approved by her husband (in especially neglected cases, bought by him). Dissolve in the life of a man - well, which of us women dreamed about this in our youth? Each of us wanted to reveal our abilities, take a worthy place in a prestigious company with a solid position and no less solid salary. And what instead? "A woman's place is in the kitchen!" - and now the children have grown up and fled to youth parties, and the new dress in the closet has gone out of fashion, never having seen the light of day.

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Why should a woman become independent?

The critical mass of female discontent gradually grows and periodically spills over the edge with short-term scandals, quarrels and almost constant depression - after all, it seems to a woman that her life has been wasted! The husband is increasingly “delayed at work” (of course, it is unpleasant for him to contemplate an eternally dissatisfied physiognomy), relations are getting worse, and here the children are getting out of control - and this is not surprising, hardly an eternally grumbling mother who has ceased to follow themselves, now they have authority. Is there a way out of this seemingly vicious circle? Of course have! Stop sacrificing yourself and living other people's lives. Remember that there is such a wonderful, unique personality - you yourself and become independent from your husband!

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Psychological techniques for problem solving

The origins of subconscious dependence on a man are largely determined by our childhood, when we were drawn to a stronger one - usually a father - and looked for support, approval and support in him. And if “psychological blackmail” was practiced in the family, when parents singly and together encouraged them to act with phrases like “If you really love me, you won’t go to the disco today,” a real altar can easily grow out of a girl. For the sake of love, she lost something in childhood, in her youth, for the sake of love, she is ready to give up a lot in adult life.

“Is it possible to correct this situation and stop making endless sacrifices?” - such a question, like a plea for help, is often heard from women suffering from psychological problems that have arisen. Are you also wondering about this? Of course, it can be done. Moreover, in order to raise your own score, you just need to do it!

Are you ready to take the first steps towards being worthy of the proud title of "independent woman"? Then let's get started.

1. Choose a comfortable place, a calm, quiet environment. Sit down and relax. Close your eyes. Now try to imagine that the road stretches in front of you in a long strip - your life. Perhaps for someone it will be a country track, and for someone it will be a winding mountain path. Look at it as if from the outside and imagine the places where your childhood, the time when you were a teenager, your youth and your current life are located. Try to remember the events and situations that you remember most vividly, where you acted with dignity and can be proud of yourself. Was there a time in your life when you were doing what you really liked, what you were passionate about?
2. Take a blank piece of paper and write down the answers to the following questions as honestly as you can.

• What words would I use to describe my relationship with my parents, how it developed, and how would I appreciate the independence that I had in my personal life in my parental home?
• How often in my present life can I do what I want?
• Am I afraid of losing my husband as a source of security, stability and financial well-being?
• What can happen to me if I am left alone, without a husband?

Real strong marriage should not imply a “boss-subordinate” relationship, all the joys and failures, duties and privileges of the spouse should be divided fairly - in half.

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Video about Right and Wrong Addiction

Undoubtedly, at first it will be difficult for you not to constantly sacrifice yourself - after all, for so many years this has been your usual state! But to make it clear to all relatives that you will now have your own time and your own interests, it is necessary. You will see for yourself that when an outlet appears in your life, for example, in the form of a forgotten hobby or a long-awaited job, voids that have come from nowhere will be filled in your soul. And in a completely incomprehensible way, this will not make the soul harder, on the contrary, it will become much easier. You are in demand, you can realize your abilities and talents - that's great!

As soon as your inner world comes into harmony, your family life will become stronger, more stable and much calmer. Remember that your personal life is your independent space, where you should not depend on anyone! Good luck!