After a divorce: how to restore peace of mind. How can a woman recover after a divorce? Relaxation exercises

Can I be rude?))))))) Are you crazy or what? What a cross at 30!!!
No, you just need to live and not get hung up, do not feel sorry for yourself, understand that together with a child you can also live a great fun.
This is what I mean: I also have (well, at the time of the divorce I had) a daughter. And I am very ashamed in front of her: I am ashamed that I thought only of myself, as I now understand.
And I am extremely grateful to my parents, who created wonderful conditions for her when for some reason I could not do it.
It's embarrassing now, but it wasn't even embarrassing then. I was silent, I couldn’t go to bed (I came home from work at 12-1 at night (and I sat there, just not to go home, but during this period my career went uphill), I drank tea / coffee / sometimes wine and smoked until 4-5, and then in the shower and sleep huddled on the sofa without bedding, got up at 7-8, showered and went to work. The most disgusting were the weekends: I thought that I should go somewhere with my daughter, but then “we were there last spring”, “our first date was there”, in general, I was driven and we usually sat at home, or, with a sour face, I still drove my daughter to the park.
Brrrrr...
And in the spring ... Well, I was also promoted nicely, the position was "strongly leading." And then our English partners on my topic were supposed to arrive, so to speak. And I decided that it was time to buy myself new rags. At the same time, she put herself in order. And something I suddenly wanted to run in the morning and sit on a diet. And I also wanted to chat with friends of such a beautiful woman)))))
Well, I started to chat))))) And then one girl from her old job wrote on social networks that recently she was looking for everyone from our old job and found XX. We worked together 100 years ago and were very friendly, family friendly. And then he divorced, stopped communicating with everyone and completely disappeared. Well, I happily wrote to him - just to chat, of course))) We exchanged phone numbers, he called, chatted. It turned out that he moved to the city, in the direction of which we have a dacha. I called him to visit the dacha, because. Went there on the weekend with friends. Then there were wonderful weekends, during the day they played with the children, in the evening barbecue and chatter. And so I cried that I had terrible balcony glazing and that I couldn’t wash the windows normally. To which clean XX said that next weekend he was washing windows with me. We laughed. And on Friday evening, he called already from Moscow and asked for the address where to go to wash the windows. We chatted all night, in the morning he washed the windows and we went to the dacha: more precisely, I went to the dacha to my daughter, and he seemed to be home. And the next Friday he came again and asked to go to the country. Oh, and I was already like and not against intimacy, but we had nothing. And a few days later he said that he quit, found a job in Moscow and rented an apartment to be closer to me. In general, he didn’t really live in that apartment))))) And then ... we got married, we had a son. Life goes on)))

Divorce from a loved one is one of the most difficult stresses for a woman. Whatever it was, painful or not, this event will not pass without a trace. As a result, there will be certain consequences, and which ones, will depend on the actions of the woman in the process of moral recovery.

Yesterday you were a happy couple, and today you have divorce stamps in your passports. Even if this process lasted more than one year, and it seems to you that you were ready, it is always very difficult. As if your whole world collapsed overnight, and it's hard to imagine how to live on, how to survive. I want to escape from reality, and just dissolve.

It must be remembered that this will not always be the case, sooner or later the pain will subside, after you manage to recover morally after the break, another life will begin. You just need to be patient a little. Psychologists believe that the first two months are the most difficult. It is in your power to make this period less painful for yourself and get through it faster.

What not to do after a divorce

1. Drown your grief in alcohol. Usually this behavior is characteristic of men, but women can also choose this way of escaping from reality. Alcohol will exacerbate an already difficult condition. And such behavior can have undesirable consequences - humiliating calls to an ex, casual relationships, rash acts. Then you will regret what you did, which will only increase depression, and will not help you recover from a divorce.
2. Haunt your ex. No need to constantly call, beg to return if it was his initiative, put pressure on pity and use common children for their own purposes. Maintain dignity. Women's tears and tantrums have never had the desired effect on a man.
3. Complain about ex-husband relatives and mutual friends . In a divorce situation, both are always to blame. Negative remarks about your ex-spouse will not make you look good.
4. run yourself. At home, a mess, in the refrigerator a rolling ball, and you walk around the apartment in a dirty bathrobe with an unwashed head. A familiar picture? Putting yourself and your home in order will greatly improve your state of mind and help you recover faster after a recent divorce.
5. self-flagellation. Don't blame yourself for what happened. The first time after a breakup, it is better not to engage in introspection at all. Only after a while will you be able to really evaluate your divorce and get the most out of it.

What are some ways to help you recover quickly?

• Throw out your emotions. Don't try to be strong by holding back your feelings. Cry! Cry for as long as you have the strength. You can listen to sad music, watch a movie, or reminisce. When you realize that there is no more strength for tears and worries, it means that you are ready to take the next step towards recovery. But do not drag it out for a long time, just one day is enough, otherwise you can fall into a severe depression.
• Seek help from family and friends. There are always people around you who are ready to listen and support. Don't lock yourself in. It often happens that a married woman goes headlong into family life and virtually no contact with the outside world. It's time to build social connections. Gatherings with friends, during which you will cry and laugh, will do good. Recovery will be easier.
• Go on vacation. If financial possibilities allow, you can go on a trip. New places, new people will help distract you, and you will return fully strengthened and ready for a new life.
• Go in for sports. Movement is life. And sport is a great stress therapy. Sign up for a fitness club or dance class. An active lifestyle has a positive effect not only on appearance but also on the morale after the divorce. As a bonus, you will get a beautiful and slender body. Help you lose weight quickly.
• Get rid of the past. Psychologists advise throwing away everything that reminds you of your ex-spouse. Sometimes this step is not easy. All these shared photographs, gifts, cute trinkets bought together are very expensive. If you do not want to completely get rid of them, at least remove them from your eyes for a while. Someday they will be just a reminder of pleasant moments. But not now. You need to recover.
• take care of yourself. Now is the best time to update your wardrobe, buy new perfume or. Shopping will distract from sad thoughts. Looking at yourself, beautiful and renewed, you will understand that a new life is just beginning.
• Find time for hobbies. Think about what you would like to do. Someone discovers the talents of a videographer, someone gets a second higher education, and someone becomes an avid tourist.
  Make new acquaintances. Over time will benefit romantic dates. You can feel beautiful and desirable again. Do not rush into, do it when you feel that you are mentally ready.
• Think about how to build your life further. Apart from emotional experiences, there are a lot of questions of a domestic and financial nature. Now this side of life has changed a lot. If you have earned well before and were financially independent, it will be easier for you. But if before that you were a housewife raising children, you will have to think about finding a job and placing small children in kindergarten. Think about your education, if you do not have work experience, you can always find earnings using your diploma. Many employers train their employees. Employment centers offer free courses with subsequent employment. The work will drag you into another life and it will become easier to survive the morally old.

Pros of life without marriage

In any, even the worst event, there are pluses, they will help to morally recover after a divorce.

• Now you don't have to run home after work to cook dinner for your husband. You can go shopping or go to the movies with a friend.
• The money that is set aside for a joint vacation can be spent on a new wardrobe.
• On weekends, it is not necessary to wake up at dawn to feed your spouse breakfast.

Remember that the end of one is the beginning of something new. After parting with your family nest, you will see that there is a large and wonderful world. There are so many new and interesting things waiting for you that there is simply no time left to think about the divorce that has taken place.

A detailed, in-depth study of the feelings of a person experiencing a breakup with a partner. American psychotherapist Bruce Fisher describes in detail, step by step, the process of rehabilitation, returning to life after the relationship is over. Denial, fear, adaptation, loneliness, friendship, guilt - these are the first steps (there are 19 in total) on this path. And each is dedicated to a separate chapter of this special book.

The founder of family therapy, Virginia Satir, in the preface advises not to read this world-renowned bestseller, but to work with it, moving forward a few steps, and then take a step back. That is, allow yourself to spend as much time as necessary for the divorce process. And so, gradually, from a married person, become one who is divorced, and then one who is completely free, who is able to realize his life potential.

Perhaps this book is one of the best practical guides for those who experience divorce as a catastrophe, as a painful loss and need help. It was prepared for publication (after the death of Bruce Fisher) by his colleague Robert Alberti. (Future of the Earth, 2008)

Quote:“It can be very difficult to unravel the strong emotional connections, which remain after your union has broken up. And yet, it is important to stop putting endless emotions (and energy) into this already dead connection.

2. "The troubles of divorce and ways to overcome them" Helmut Figdor

This is not about the separation of a man and a woman in general, but about the disintegration of a family in which there is a child. The Austrian psychoanalyst Helmut Figdor helps parents to become aware of their emotions and feelings that their children are experiencing, suggests how to establish contact between the child and both parents and at the same time avoid conflicts. A separate chapter is devoted to the complex relationship of a child with a stepfather or stepmother. (Moscow Psychological and Social Institute, 2006)

Quote:“It is not divorce in itself that leads to consequences that are detrimental to the child (for its further development), but the divorce that is not fully completed ... Successfully overcoming a divorce is much more than “limiting damage”.

3. “Gap. Why relationships end and how to get over a breakup by Daphne Rose Kingma

How do you know if a relationship is really over? How to give up illusions, stop blaming a partner (or ourselves) and survive the loneliness that we did not choose? How to return that part of yourself that was enslaved by the relationship?

This book is somewhat reminiscent of instructions on how to properly handle yourself and your (almost former) lover at the end of a relationship. American psychotherapist Daphne Rose Kingma describes the stages of this process and suggests how to go through them painlessly. (AST, Astrel, 2005)

Quote:“When a relationship ends, you want to forget that you were in love in order to reduce the pain that you feel now. But this is self-deception. To “let go” of a relationship, you have to experience it again, from the very beginning, from the moment you fell in love.”

4. Divorce for Dummies by John Ventura, Mary Read

Dealing with the psychological difficulties of a breakup is not the strong point of this book, written by attorney John Ventura and relationship consultant Mary Reid. But it should be opened to those who would like to soberly and correctly go through all the stages of the divorce process, from filing an application to the division of property and determining the amount of alimony.

Emotions often prevent us - especially women - from finding the right arguments in negotiations with former spouse to protect personal property and protect the interests of the child. This legal guide can provide real, practical help. (Dialectics, 2009)

Quote:“If the spouse (wife) is firmly opposed to divorce, then he (she) will never be ready to sit down at the table and discuss the terms of the divorce. Controversial issues will have to be submitted to the court.

5. How to Keep Love in Your Marriage by John Gottman, Nan Silver

Yes, you should believe the title, this book is not about divorce. But family therapist and founder of the Institute for Relationship Studies, John Gottman, wrote a remarkable chapter in it about "how to know when it's time to break up."

A staunch supporter of marriage, Gottman nevertheless admits that in some circumstances it is better for partners to separate. And he describes these circumstances in detail. And they are accompanied by a test for self-examination, which will show how strong the relationship is in a couple. (Peter, 2014)

Quote:“Whether or not your relationship has ended… can be seen by how consistently negative their story is as presented by the couple. Or partners focus on good times and successes, or on their failures.

6. "History of divorces" Oleg Ivik

Anyone who perceives modern divorce as the collapse of the institution of the family, this book will partly reassure: in essence, nothing new is happening. “Divorce is probably almost as old as marriage,” wrote Voltaire. “Although I suppose marriage is a week or two older.” The authors readily agree with him. Oleg Ivik is the collective pseudonym of Olga Kolobova, journalist and amateur archaeologist, and Valery Ivanov, programmer and amateur historian.

In any case, the first divorce, they say, took place between the ancient Egyptian gods. The earthly Egyptians did not lag behind, despite the fact that they were allowed polygamy. So, from ancient times and lands, the authors bring history almost to the present day, recalling both the unhappy marriage of Anna Karenina and the short marriage of Ostap Bender to Madame Gritsatsuyeva. Easy and very informative read. (Text, 2010)

Quote:“In terms of the number of legal wives and divorces, not a single Roman emperor surpassed Karin, who lived in the third century: he married and divorced nine wives in succession. Moreover, he divorced them mainly when they were pregnant.

Divorce is like a small death. big family, no matter how sad it may sound ... What men and women experience during a divorce and how to deal with it. Let's try to figure it out.

Men's experience in divorce

men in a situation of divorce, whatever one may say, it is harder. From childhood they are forbidden to cry, they are taught to hide their feelings, and sometimes they worry stronger than women. Pride does not allow the stronger sex to throw out their feelings, which often leads to depression. Men are especially acutely worried when the wife initiated the divorce.

Pro & Party in this case better to forget, they will only hurt. New acquaintances are also unlikely to help you, since this is just an attempt to lick the wounds of divorce. Such relationships are rarely long-lasting, but additional guilt from them quickly appears.

In this situation you need a real good friend someone you can confide in, open up to, discuss your worries about, and just speak up. You need support right now!

It will not be superfluous to have hobby(if not, then now is the time to choose what you like). You can get carried away fishing, hunting, car repair. And remember, when one door closes, several others open, and one of them will surely give rise to a new life!

Women's experience in divorce

For many women divorce is like an earthquake, especially for those who put family first. Most often, the child remains with the mother after a divorce, so all responsibility and upbringing fall on her fragile shoulders. It is much more difficult for divorced girls to arrange their personal lives than for men.

Women who themselves provoked a divorce and already have a close relationship with another man, of course, have an easier time than those who sincerely loved, trusted their spouse.

In order to accept the situation divorce, need time. If during this period there will be understanding relatives and friends, friends next to you, then your recovery will be faster, because. it will take place in an atmosphere of calm and understanding.

Psychologists recommend radically change the image, go to the hairdresser, spa, go shopping and completely update the wardrobe. It's time to experiment with makeup, style, hair. So you will have more new good memories and your mood will rise.

Divorce and children

The situation that develops after a divorce is especially difficult for children. Many of them begin to blame themselves for what happened.

It is important to remember that Divorce only concerns husband and wife, not children. Try to make the children clearly understand that even if the parents have stopped loving each other, they will still love them, they will always remain mom and dad.

Divorce is a test for a child even more serious than for you. Make sure that he does not watch how dad and mom sort things out, do not see frank ones. Do not set the baby against one of you and forbid relatives from doing this. Time will pass and sooner or later he himself will understand this situation.

It is important for a baby to communicate with both parents, even if now you do not live together, he must know that he can always call, come to visit, talk to both mom and dad at any time.

Each of the partners must go through the divorce to the end, otherwise your anger, resentment, will affect the baby, exacerbate his guilt. Give your child the opportunity to express their emotions freely, treat his actions with understanding. He, just like you, can cry, get angry, take offense, throw tantrums. Time will help him deal with his emotions.

The most important thing for both divorced parents is to build a new relationship with the child through mutual understanding and cooperation. You still have to solve a lot of difficult tasks in raising crumbs and it is better to do this together with good mood!

Life after divorce

A lot of people go through divorce and experience the same emotions as you. The most difficult thing for you is to survive the breakup and the first few weeks.

How to start a new life after a divorce?

1. Start with yourself and your apartment. Try to rearrange the furniture in places, get rid of things that remind you of your partner, and at the same time put things in order and cleanliness in the house.
2. Give each other time out. You will not immediately be able to communicate with your spouse without scandals, tantrums and tears. You need to pause, forgive the person who hurt you. And after some time, you can safely establish a new level of already friendly relations.
3. For everyone who is interested in your personal life, prepare answers. You can say: “We didn’t agree on the characters ...” You don’t have to explain the details of your break to anyone.
4. Say NO to free time! Go in for fitness, visit galleries, cinemas, exhibitions, just go for a walk, learn a foreign language, and you never know what to do in life. If only it distracted you from unnecessary thoughts and tears.
5. Learn to enjoy life, now your interests should always come first, even if they didn’t before.
6. Let Divorce Open New Opportunities for You, and for all the good things in a past life, mentally say - “thank you”. Only good memories and good mood should remain with you.
7. Throw away all self-pity, let the partner regret it. Think only about how hard it is for your ex-wife / spouse without you.

The main thing is not to forget that you are not the first and not the last couple that gets divorced in this world. Over time, life will improve, days filled with light and warmth will appear, you will wake up again in a good mood, believe in yourself and perk up.

"Divorce" is a word with big amount meanings. Have you thought about it? The most common is the termination of a relationship in marriage. And also "divorce" as a deceit, fraud. Also, this word is used in relation to the guard.

Sometimes it seems to me that in such semantic games there is a script that can be applied to a woman after a divorce. Step by step: first the couple broke up, then she feels deceived, but in the end everything falls into place.

6 reasons for divorce

Divorce is most often a tragedy in the life of a woman. For many years, a stereotype has been formed that being divorced means being “something different.” Women who come to see a psychologist after a divorce still have the following main complaints:

• I understand that no one will need me.
• I can't get over the guilt that my marriage ended.
• My children will not forgive me.
• I won't be happy anymore.

Why are we talking primarily about women? After all, two people break up, and two people also feel bad? This is true, but, according to statistics, it is the woman who experiences the hardest divorce. But she often seeks help, works out the causes of what happened more deeply and recovers faster.

In fact, the reasons for divorce can be listed on the fingers, and here are the main ones:

1. The couple did not know each other well before marriage, and reality showed their full psychological incompatibility. It's psychological! People overcome everyday problems quite successfully, but if one turns out to be apathetic, and the other - "zhivchik", one is an optimist, and the other is always bad, then things reach a dead end, from which it is difficult for many to get out.
2. The dependence of one of the spouses. This is one of the most common reasons for divorce now. Fighting addiction and treating it violently is very difficult, many try, but most give up after several unsuccessful attempts. "My hands drop!" - this is how the woman describes her condition. Take, for example, the story of my client. Elena, 45 years old. She fought her husband's illnesses for 20 years. First, alcoholism, which was overcome. Then came the game of slot machines, they were removed. Then "tanchiki"... She could not overcome this enemy. But she didn't have the strength to just stand up and slam the door. With the help of her children, she came to a psychologist to look for her long-forgotten and lost self.
3. "Love is gone." For many women, especially after years of trying to save their marriage, this reason still prevails and they leave. Undoubtedly, they have the right to be happy!
4. . Not everyone can forgive or understand it, especially if it is repeated. Here we are talking about both male and female infidelity.
5. Violence. Not everyone wants to believe that "hitting means loving." Although, in fairness, it must be said that the pattern “hit once, hit again” is not always justified. Situations are different. But to endure violence, no doubt, is not worth it - for your own sake, first of all.
6. Absence of children. Often this reason does not allow people to be together. The meaning of life is lost. And if the husband is not ready for children, the wife, it happens, decides to leave.

After Divorce: How to Help Yourself

Divorce is often equated with an accident. First, it is undeniably stressful. This is a situation of acute grief that a person experiences. Living conditions have changed, you need to make adjustments to your own habits, sometimes friends disappear from life, some do not feel physically well.

Psychologists identify certain stages of getting out of this difficult situation. Let's analyze them in more detail and think about how a person who has survived a divorce can help himself.

First stage- pain or acute experience. It usually lasts up to 2-3 months. At this time, the realization of what happened comes and the first relief comes. First of all, this time is characterized by guilt towards oneself and anger towards the ex-husband.

Often, various situations from life are scrolled in my thoughts and how it was possible to prevent them - such an eternal internal “if only, if only”. Don't store it in yourself. There is nothing worse than having it all in your head! Take paper and write, take brushes and draw - no matter what. You need to let your emotions come out! Don't want creativity? Go in for sports or at least buy a punching bag or a special pillow for hitting home.

You will hear from others advice from the category of "do not sit at home, continue to live." It's easy to say but hard to do. That is why I offer exercises to destroy the pain within you. This is very important for further rehabilitation.

Second stage- adaptation or humility. A month or two pass, and it seems to be easier to breathe. You already want to communicate with people, hear compliments and maybe even flirt. Great, you are on the right track! We begin to include and implement the golden rules of positive thinking.

Every day in the evening we perform the exercise “Five pluses of the past day” (or). They definitely exist! You just need to find them and pay attention to them. So your subconscious mind tunes in to what is always in life. good moments. Seeing the future and looking ahead - these are the golden rules of this stage of experiencing a crisis situation.

Third stage- recovery or completion of experiences. Sounds like hopeful. But I, as a psychologist, worry about this period that a woman begins to actively seek new relationships. For her, this is a way to assert herself. Don't rush, be smart! The fact that the pain has receded is wonderful. But often behind new acquaintances and novels there is an internal dialogue and a desire to prove something to your ex!

Undoubtedly, this motivation has the right to life. However, be honest with yourself. If you are still emotionally dependent on your ex-husband, consider resolving this problem in group or individual work with a psychologist.

Stage four- cure. Your thoughts and internal monologues are no longer connected with your ex-spouse. He leaves your life both as a man and as your support and support. But at the same time, he can remain, for example, the father of your child. Everything that concerns him is not perceived so painfully or simply causes indifference. You are well done! All the hardest part is over.

This experience will help you in building new relationships, or maybe you will not need to apply it, does it matter? The main thing is that everything will be fine!

Discussion

I know for myself, you go out for life, glue, glue, in short a divorce. I don’t wish the enemy, but you need to 1st set yourself up that this is not the end of life, 2nd decision must be made within yourself, firmly and finally, otherwise doubts will torment. 3e - follow your body, 100 percent the condition should improve. 4e - tune in to the period of "rest", but not in bed, worry, get distracted - take a walk in nature, this will give energy and calm you down, 5e - do not be afraid of the future, time will tell, as Scarlet said, I’ll think about it tomorrow, 6th-don’t let yourself feel sorry, everything is for the better. Well, if it works out. married

04/01/2017 19:31:08, Rhodopes

Little is said about the advantages of divorce. This is freedom, communication with new people, meetings, rest from household and family problems, working for yourself for pleasure, buying what you want yourself, traveling, watching TV without interference from outside and good sleep with a calm nervous system.

For a love spell, I turned to the white magician Eva Zinovich About whom I heard quite a few reviews and saw a program with her participation on NTV about white love spells. The result of the love spell began on the third day after her work. In my life, a love spell from the magician Eva Zinovich played a very important role. Thanks to her love spell, I love and am loved, we are growing beautiful daughter. Everything is fine in the family. When I decided to bewitch my husband (he went to his mistress) and thereby return him to the family, I was afraid of the consequences that everyone is talking about. But in my case, none of that happened. I kept the secret of this love spell

interesting article, but I hope not useful)

Only sometimes the first stage is delayed up to several years.

good article, but for some reason it doesn’t get easier. Wolves howl in their hearts from understatement and uncertainty. In our history, the end has not yet been set.

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