The family is one of the greatest values ​​created by mankind in the entire history of its existence. Not a single nation, not a single cultural community could do without a family. Society, the state are interested in its positive development, preservation, strengthening; every person, regardless of age, needs a strong, reliable family.

In modern science, there is no single definition of the family, although attempts to do this were made by great thinkers such as Plato, Aristotle, Kant, Hegel many centuries ago. Most often, the family is spoken of as the main unit of society, which is directly involved in the biological and social reproduction of society.

In recent years, more and more often the family is called a specific small socio-psychological group, thereby emphasizing that it is characterized by a special system of interpersonal relations, which are more or less governed by laws, moral norms, and traditions. The family also has such signs as the joint residence of its members, a common household. Foreign sociologists consider the family as a social institution only if it is characterized by three main types of family relations: marriage, parenthood and kinship, in the absence of one of the indicators, the concept of "family group" is used.

Family- this is a small socio-psychological group, whose members are connected by marriage or kinship, common life and mutual moral responsibility, and the social need for which is due to the need of society for the physical and spiritual reproduction of the population.

As the definition implies, the family is a complex phenomenon. One can at least single out the following characteristics:

- the family is the cell of society, one of its institutions;

- the family is the most important form of organization of personal life;

- family - marital union;

- family - multilateral relations with relatives.

It follows from this that within the family there are differences two main types of relationships- matrimony (marriage relations between husband and wife) and kinship (kinship relations between parents and children, between children, relatives).

In the life of specific people, the family has many faces, since interpersonal relationships have many variations, a wide range of manifestations. For some, the family is a stronghold, a reliable emotional rear, the focus of mutual concerns, joy; for others, it is a kind of battlefield, where all its members fight for their own interests, injuring each other with a careless word, intemperate behavior. However, the vast majority of people living on earth associate the concept of happiness primarily with the family.

The family as a community of people, as a social institution, influences all aspects of social life. At the same time, the family has relative autonomy from socio-economic relations, being one of the most traditional and stable social institutions.

The family is always built on the basis of marriage or consanguinity. Compared with other small groups, the family has a number of specific characteristics.

In particular, the following features of the family are noted.

1. The family is a group that is maximally controlled in terms of norms (rigid ideas about the requirements for the family, relationships within it, including the normative nature, the nature of sexual interaction between spouses).

2. The peculiarity of the family in its composition is a small size from 2 to 5-6 people in modern conditions, heterogeneity by sex, age, or one of these characteristics.

3. The closed nature of the family - the limited and regulated entry and exit from it, the well-known confidentiality of functioning.

4. The multifunctionality of the family - which leads not only to the complementarity of numerous aspects of its life, but also to the multiple, often conflicting nature of family roles.

5. The family is an exceptionally long-term group by design. It is dynamic, the history of the family includes qualitatively different stages of development.

6. The universal nature of the inclusion of the individual in the family. A significant part of a person's life passes in communication with family members, with the constant presence of positive and negative emotional components.

The family combines the properties of social organization, social structure, institution and small group, is included in the subject of study of the sociology of childhood, the sociology of education, politics and law, labor, culture, allows you to better understand the processes of social control and social disorganization, social mobility, migration and demographic changes. Without referring to the family, applied research in many areas of production and consumption, mass communications is unthinkable; it is easily described in terms of social behavior, the construction of social realities, etc.

In everyday life, and in special literature, the concept of "family" is often identified with the concept of "marriage". In fact, these concepts, in fact, having in common, are not synonymous.

Marriage- these are historically developed various mechanisms of social regulation (taboo, custom, religion, law, morality) of sexual relations between a man and a woman, aimed at maintaining the continuity of life.

The word "marriage" comes from the Russian word "to take". A family union can be registered or unregistered (actual). Marriage relations registered by state institutions (in registry offices, wedding palaces) are called civil; consecrated by religion - church.

Marriage is a historical phenomenon, it has gone through certain stages of its development - from polygamy to monogamy.

The purpose of marriage is to create a family and have children. Therefore, marriage establishes marital and parental rights and obligations.

It should be borne in mind that:

- marriage and family arose in different historical periods;

- the family is a more complex system of relations than marriage, since, as a rule, it unites not only spouses, but also their children, other relatives or just those close to spouses and the people they need.

3.5. Historical aspects of family development

The problems of the emergence and development of the family, family and marriage relations, the role of the family in the life of society and each individual individually have occupied the best minds of mankind for many centuries. At the same time, these problems are not thoroughly studied today: many controversial issues remain in them. It is generally accepted to view the family as a product of a long historical development. During the history of its existence, it has changed, which is associated with the development of mankind, with the improvement of forms of regulation of relations between the sexes, others were more widespread.

Sexual relations in the primitive human herd were animal-like in nature. They manifested themselves in disordered sexual relations, in which a woman entered into with any man (and vice versa, a man with any woman) of this herd. Such relationships, being associated with conflicts, fights and other negative manifestations, brought disorganization into the life of the primitive herd, the survival of which required cohesion and unity in ensuring the conditions of existence. As a result, there was an objective need to introduce social sanctions aimed at streamlining sexual relations. Prohibitions, all sorts of "taboos" appeared, which restrained the indiscriminate satisfaction of sexual instincts. The most important of these prohibitions was the prohibition on sexual relations between blood relatives (ancestors and descendants, parents and children), as a result of which a clan began to form. Thus, in a primitive society, the first mechanisms (taboos, customs) of social regulation of sexual relations between a man and a woman are formed, aimed at maintaining the continuity of life. In other words, there are marriage relations between the sexes.

The emergence of the tribal community and the functioning of group marriage led to a new threat to the survival of people: an increase in the number of handicapped children as a result of the consanguinity of father and mother, the autonomous existence of each clan, and the restriction of social ties with other communities. To eliminate these negative phenomena, exogamy - a more strict form of marriage , forbidding sexual intercourse within the same genus. Group marriage turned into a union of two clans, but did not lead to the creation of a family: the children belonged to the whole clan and were brought up by its community.

With the social stratification of society, group marriage changed and took the form of polygamy (polygamy).

Polygamy- a form of marriage when one person has a marital relationship with several or many persons of the opposite sex. Two forms of polygamy entered the history of mankind: polyandry (polyandry) and polygyny (polygamy). The remnants of the second form have been preserved in some countries of the East in the form of a harem-type family.

The late primitive community is characterized by the complication of economic activity, social ties, which led to further streamlining of marital relations: they took the form of a monogamous pair marriage, which was more durable than group marriage. Pair marriage marks the beginning of home-family education, which is carried out by parents and other members of the family. An economic unit arises, consisting of a husband, wife, children, but the man gradually becomes the main breadwinner. Therefore, sexual relations begin to be regulated not only by social, but also by economic factors: a wife, children cannot do without a husband and father. The fidelity of the wife was ensured by her subordination to the authority of her husband (patriarchal order). The very nature of marriage is gradually changing: its goal is to create a family, support and raise children (and not just regulate sexual relations, as it was before). The family strengthened the sense of personal responsibility of adults for the upbringing of children, strengthened new evaluation categories: the authority of parents, marital duty, family honor.

In Rus', the transition to a family consisting of spouses and children ended in the 8th-9th centuries. At the first stage, the family had many children, which guaranteed its economic reliability. The house, the family became an elementary educational school for children, a kind of “home academy”, where they taught to work, take care of each other, passed on “by inheritance” the father’s profession to the boy, and the mother’s profession to the girl, and at the same time their worldview, behavior stereotypes, prepared for the implementation the role of parents.

Monogamy turned out to be a stable form of the family: centuries passed, economic structures changed, but monogamy was preserved. The establishment of monogamy, monogamy should not be explained only by the achievements of the socio-economic nature of mankind. In this process, the morality and moral development of people living on earth, the growth of their aesthetic culture, the strengthening of the role of religion that supports the sanctity of marriage, take their worthy place: "Marriages are made in heaven."

With the development of society, a significant part of the burden of stabilizing marriage and family relations is transferred from external regulators (social control, public opinion, laws, economic dependence and subordination of women, religious fear) to internal ones (a sense of love, duty, mutual interest of family members in preserving and maintaining family unity).

3.6. Main types of families

Each family is unique, but at the same time contains features by which it can be attributed to any type. The most archaic type is the patriarchal family.

This is a large family, where different generations of relatives live in one “nest”. There are many children in the family who depend on their parents, respect their elders, and strictly observe national and religious customs. The emancipation of women and all the accompanying socio-economic changes undermined the foundations of authoritarianism that reigned in the patriarchal family. Families with features of patriarchy survived in rural areas, in small towns.

In urban families, the process of nuclearization and family segmentation, which is characteristic of most peoples in industrialized countries, has reached a larger scale. Nuclear family- the predominant type of family, which consists mainly of two generations (two-generation) - from spouses and children - before the marriage of the latter. Finally, families consisting of three generations (three generations) are common in our country, including parents (or one of them) with children and grandparents (or one of them) of the latter. Such families are often of a forced nature: a young family wants to separate from the parent, but cannot do this due to the lack of their own housing.

In nuclear families (parents and non-family children), i.e. young families, there is usually a close community of spouses in everyday life. It is expressed in a respectful attitude towards each other, in mutual assistance, in open manifestation concern for each other, in contrast to patriarchal families, in which, according to custom, it is customary to veil such relationships. But the spread of nuclear families is fraught with a weakening of emotional ties between young spouses and their parents, as a result, the possibility of providing mutual assistance is reduced, and the transfer of experience, including the experience of upbringing, from the older generation to the younger is difficult.

In recent decades, the number of small families has been growing, consisting of two people: incomplete, maternal, "empty nests" (spouses whose children "flew out of the nest"). A sad sign of the present time is the growth of single-parent families that have arisen as a result of a divorce or the death of one of the spouses. In an incomplete family, one of the spouses (more often the mother) brings up the child (children).

Maternal (illegitimate) family – a family in which the mother was not married to the father of her child. The quantitative representativeness of such a family is evidenced by the domestic statistics of "illegitimate" births: every sixth child is born to an unmarried mother. Often she is only 15-16 years old, when she is not able to support a child or raise him. In recent years, mature women (aged about 40 years and above) began to create maternal families, who consciously made the choice to “give birth for themselves” without one parent as a result of divorce. Today in Russia every third child is brought up in an incomplete or maternal family.

Currently, there is also the so-called civil marriage. Sometimes it is called actual, colloquially referred to as cohabitation. Psychologists have their own term - the intermediate family, emphasizing that at any moment it can take some final form: it will fall apart or be documented. In such a family it is difficult to make long-term plans. A man and a woman, living under the same roof for years, remain "he" and "she", while the marital "we" has a completely different quality of feeling about ourselves and life in general.

De facto marriages are becoming increasingly popular in the Western world - Sweden, England, France, the Netherlands, the USA, Canada. Russia did not stand aside either, where about 7% of spouses live in an unregistered marriage. What is the basis of such a partnership of two "independences"? It turns out that it’s not at all considerations like “we are still young for marriage, we need to get back on our feet financially, and then ...” According to sociological research, those couples who have already reached or, at least, confidently fit to a decent income. Most likely, the decision to “just live together” is born out of the desire to protect yourself from responsibility, to insure yourself with a convenient “treadmill” from which you can jump off if necessary.

3.7. Basic functions of the family

The family is a specific social institution in which the interests of society, family members as a whole and each of them individually intertwine. Being the primary cell of society, the family performs functions that are important for society and for each person.

Family Functions- areas of activity of the family team or its individual members, expressing the social role and essence of the family.

The functions of the family are influenced by such factors as the requirements of society, family law and moral standards, real help from the state to the family.

During the period of socio-economic transformations in society, the functions of the family also undergo changes. The leading function in the historical past was the economic function of the family, subordinating all the others: the head of the family, a man, was the organizer of common labor, children were early included in the life of adults. The economic function completely determined the educational and reproductive functions. At present, the economic function of the family has not died out, but has changed. One of the options for the functions of the modern family is presented by the Finnish teacher J. Hämäläinen. Highlighting the periods of family formation, he notes that each stage of family relations is characterized by certain functions, which is presented in Table 2.

table 2

The main periods of family development and the functions of family members

family stage	The main function of the family
	parent function	child function
I. Stage of family formation	Awareness of partnerships, strengthening relationships between spouses; creation of sexual relations; building relationships with parents and other relatives, conversations between spouses about the future of the family
II. Family expecting a baby; family with baby	Getting used to the idea of ​​pregnancy and childbirth; preparation for motherhood and fatherhood, getting used to the role of father and mother; caring for the needs of the child; distribution of household and childcare responsibilities that does not overload either parent	The child is dependent on the mother and begins to trust her; the emergence of attachments; mastering the skills of interaction; adjusting to other people's expectations; development of coordination of hand movements; mastery of words, short phrases, speech
III. Family with a child before school age	Development of the interests and needs of the child; getting used to material costs; distribution of duties and responsibilities; support for sexual relations; further development of relations with parents in connection with the appearance of a child; maintaining the old circle of friends forming family traditions, talking about raising children	Overcoming the contradiction between the desire to always be with the object of one's affection and the impossibility of this; getting used to independence; compliance with the requirements of an adult to maintain cleanliness (tidiness during meals, hygiene of the genitals); showing interest in playmates; the desire to be like mom or like dad
IV. Schoolboy family	To instill in children an interest in scientific and practical knowledge; support for the child's hobbies; further development of relationships in the family (openness, frankness); caring for marital relations and the personal life of parents; cooperation with other parents	Obtaining the skills necessary for school education; the desire to be a full member of the family; gradual departure from parents, awareness of oneself as a person, inclusion in a peer group, expansion of vocabulary and development of speech; formation of a scientific picture of the world
V. Family with a child of senior school age	Transfer of responsibility to the child as they grow up; preparation for a new period of family life; definition of family functions, distribution of responsibilities between family members; raising children on worthy examples; understanding and acceptance of the individuality of the child, trust and respect for him as a unique personality	Positive attitude towards one's own gender; clarification of the role of men and women; feeling of belonging to one's generation; achieving emotional independence, moving away from parents; choice of profession, striving for material independence; preparation for friendship with a peer of the opposite sex, marriage, creating a family; formation of one's own worldview
VI. Family with an adult child entering the world	Separation from a growing child; creating a benevolent environment for new family members who came into it through marriage; caring for marital relations in the new family structure; calm entry into a new stage of marriage and preparation for the role of grandparents; creating good relations between your family and the child's family; respect for the autonomy of both families	Awareness of one's position as the position of an independent person who can be responsible for his actions; creating a strong relationship with your possible future spouse (wife); a positive attitude towards one's own sexuality; creation of own system of values, outlook, own way of life; familiarization with the tasks of developing partnerships in the formation of a family
	Partner Features
VII. Middle-aged family ("empty nest")	Renewal of marital relations; adaptation to age-related physiological changes; creative use of a large amount of free time; strengthening relationships with family and friends; becoming a grandmother (grandfather)
VIII. Aged family	Awareness of one's own attitude to death and loneliness; changing the house according to the needs of the elderly; adjusting to life in retirement; education of readiness to accept the help of other people; subordinating your hobbies and deeds to your age; preparation for the inevitable end of life, gaining faith	Along with the functions of developing one's own family life, taking care of elderly parents; help them, if necessary, material and spiritual; preparation for the final departure of parents; preparing your children for the loss of their grandparents

Analyzing the table, we can conclude that in different periods of the formation and development of the family, the functions of its members change.

At the same time, there are other approaches to defining the functions of the family. It should be noted that at present there is no generally accepted classification of family functions. Researchers are unanimous in defining such functions as procreation (reproductive), economic, restorative (leisure organization, recreational), and educational. There is a close relationship between the functions, interdependence, complementarity, therefore, any violations in one of them affect the performance of the other.

The function of procreation (reproductive)- this is biological reproduction and preservation of offspring, the continuation of the human race. The only and indispensable producer of the man himself is the family. Inherent by nature, the instinct of procreation is transformed in a person into the need to have children. The social function of the family is to meet the needs of men and women in marriage, fatherhood and motherhood. This social process ensures the reproduction of new generations of people, the continuation of the human race.

The reproductive function of the family is currently attracting the close attention of specialists in many fields of knowledge: teachers, demographers, psychologists, lawyers, sociologists, economists, physicians, etc.

The birth rate is influenced by many factors, such as socio-economic stability in the country; the well-being of the family, its provision with housing, work; socio-cultural norms, national traditions; education and health of spouses, relations between them, assistance from relatives; the professional activity and nature of the woman's employment; location. Scientists have deduced several regularities in the birth rate: it is lower in the city (compared to the village), falls with an increase in wealth, education, housing, etc. Under more favorable conditions, egoistic tendencies (“to live for oneself”) make themselves felt, and the efforts of the family switch from childbearing to household, study, consumption, leisure, and creativity.

The question of the number of children in a modern family has not only pedagogical, but also socio-economic significance. It is hardly necessary to convince anyone that the orientation of the modern family to one or two children does not ensure the reproduction of the population.

In recent years, a growing number of couples who deliberately refuse to have children. Among them there are people with an egoistic orientation, preoccupied with their careers, who do not want to complicate their lives with “childish” problems, etc. Some spouses postpone the birth of children for an indefinite period, explaining this by housing, material and other difficulties. Against the background of such “non-parents”, the tragedy of infertile couples is particularly clearly highlighted.

The potential of the nation is affected not only by quantitative, but also by qualitative deviations in the reproduction of the population. In modern newborns, low quality indicators are a fairly common phenomenon. So, in Russia, out of ten children born, nine have certain developmental disabilities. There are a lot of reasons. First of all, this is the poor health of women in labor, which is often undermined by bad habits (smoking, alcohol) during pregnancy. In addition, many women work hard, do not have full-fledged maternity leave, eat poorly, drink poor-quality water, are not protected from infections, etc.

The care of children with various congenital or hereditary defects, as well as their upbringing, are associated with enormous costs, both neuropsychological and material. Families with such children find themselves in a very difficult situation. Parents often refuse newborn children with pronounced signs of serious illness, deformity, placing the care of their babies on the shoulders of the state. On the part of society, additional costs are required for the maintenance and treatment of physically weakened, mentally handicapped children, the opening of special medical or correctional institutions, an increase in the pension fund, and so on.

Each family has the right to independently plan childbearing: how many and when, at what intervals it will have children. But it must be taken into account that their quantity, as well as the quality of health, affect the family's educational function.

The concept of "family planning" is relatively recent in the scientific literature. Initially, it was adopted by the United Nations (UN), and it was developed in the documents of other international organizations, primarily the World Health Organization (WHO).

In Russia, the Federal Program "Family Planning" has been adopted, within the framework of which health education, counseling, infertility treatment, provision of contraceptives, training of young people and adolescents in sexual education, sexual and reproductive behavior in the prevention of sexually transmitted diseases, and other natural the needs of your own family. Each family carries out economic activities necessary in everyday life: buying food and cooking; caring for children, sick and elderly family members; house cleaning and repair; keeping clothes, shoes and other household items in order, etc. For many families, the concept of “household activity” includes work on the plot, in a private household, which makes it possible to produce vegetables, horticulture, animal husbandry, etc.

One of the prerequisites for the existence of a normal family – its economic community, the realization of the economic function. The family economy requires planning, accounting, thrift, control. Therefore, immediately after its formation, each family creates its own independent family budget, which balances the income and expenses of the family, needs and opportunities to meet them. Budget is the basis of housekeeping: it dictates the style of life of the family, the content of economic activity. In organizing the home life of most modern families, the interests of not only older, but also younger members are taken into account; caring for children is usually one of the first places. An established money economy significantly changes the psychological climate of the family and makes it possible to fairly meet the needs of all its members.

It is important that the household function be common to all family members, and not be considered the prerogative of the wife. The fair distribution of domestic duties in the family between spouses, younger and older generations seems to be the most favorable condition for the moral and labor education of children. It is in the conditions of everyday life that truly human relations of people to each other, their habits, tastes are revealed, character traits are formed. In daily duties, family members have the opportunity to take care of each other, show attention, express respect for certain features, habits, tastes of loved ones.

When running a household, you have to make various decisions: how to celebrate a child's birthday, when to renovate the kitchen, etc. In most modern families, equal relations develop, when power is evenly distributed between spouses, and, therefore, decisions are made collectively.

Compared to the past, the very role of the head of the family has changed in many ways. Leadership today is expressed not in the manifestation of power over family members, as it was before, not in their disposal, but in the organization of family life, in the organization of its life. Scientists believe that in the conditions of the modern functioning of the family, we can talk not about supremacy, but rather about leadership in the implementation of certain plans for family improvement. Moreover, in most cases, the matter is decided by the personal properties and inclinations of adult socially mature family members (initiative, firmness of character, authority, erudition, etc.). So-called "two-headed" families arise when each of the spouses, being a leader, takes his own initiative in the area of ​​\u200b\u200blife to which he is most inclined (cooking, fruit and berry harvesting, organizing leisure activities, repairing an apartment, managing gardening and gardening). garden plot, etc.).

Forms of family leadership – authoritarian, democratic, anarchist. The latter form most often leads to disorganization of the family lifestyle, lack of order in the family, insufficiently clear performance of functions by its individual members, causes them to disagree, misunderstand each other. Under a democratic form of leadership, the deciding vote belongs to the member of the family who is most competent in this matter. Families where the husband – chief cook and wife – a kind of intellectual center, the head of the educational activities of children.

Leisure function – restoration and maintenance of health, satisfaction of various spiritual needs. The study of the level of "social well-being" showed that among the main problems that complicate the life of a modern family, health problems, anxiety for the future, fatigue and lack of prospects are most often noted.

It should be remembered that in the conditions of various socio-economic upheavals, with the growth of alienation in society, mutual distrust, aggressiveness and pessimism, the family as a psychological refuge acts as a source of stability for a particular person and for the country as a whole. But the restorative role of the modern family, its viability, stamina largely depend on the mood of its adult members, on the determination, strong-willed character traits that need to be nurtured in oneself.

A special role in the restorative function of the family belongs to skillfully organized leisure. Leisure– non-working (free) time, which a person manages at his own choice and discretion. In Russian, the word "leisure" appeared in the 15th century, derived from the verb "to reach", which literally meant - the time when you can achieve something.

Leisure plays a specific role, which is aimed at maintaining the family as an integral system. The content and forms of leisure activities depend on the level of culture, education, place of residence, income, national traditions, age of family members, their individual inclinations and interests.

When assessing the usefulness of leisure, the amount of time allotted for it by all family members is taken into account, as well as the nature of the use of this time (sleeping, knitting, watching TV, family reading, skiing, visiting a museum, etc.). And here again there is a great dependence on the well-established life of the family, the balance of the budget. If housekeeping – joint work of both adults and children, then the overload of the woman is excluded, and she will have time to rest. When planning expenses for the whole family, it is discussed, for example, what can be saved on in order to “carve out” money for visiting the theater, a museum, and save money for a summer vacation.

The leisure time of a modern family can be active, meaningful, if the interests and needs of all its members are taken into account. Ideally, when you can find common ground in the interests and hobbies of all family members. It would be nice to acquire family-wide hobbies, for example, Sunday walks around your hometown, introducing its history, etc. The unifying interest can be in nature, theater, books, sports, etc. It is important that leisure be collective, when family members indulge in it with joy.

Family leisure should have a developing impact on all its members: raise their educational, general cultural level, unite them with common interests and experiences. Then leisure becomes an effective means of family education: children learn to save time, love nature, acquire a culture of perception of art, accumulate communication experience, are acutely aware of the family community, etc.

The most popular forms of spending free time are visiting and receiving guests, watching TV shows. By themselves, these forms deserve neither blame nor praise until their content, the degree of participation of adults and children in them, is determined. It is one thing when guests are invited and they themselves go to visit for a feast. It is completely different when, for example, two or three young families with children gathered to talk about their summer, look at photographs, slides or a video, arrange an exhibition of children's drawings and crafts. In some families, the traditions of family reading, home theater, concerts, competitions, country trips, excursions, needlework, and drawing have been preserved.

educational function – the most important function of the family, which consists in the spiritual reproduction of the population. Education is a very complex process in which the influence is mutual. It never happens that one person only gives and the other only receives, one teaches and the other listens. Education is by no means a one-way movement, it consists in cooperation, when both give, and both feel endowed with gifts. There are three aspects of the educational function of the family.

1. The upbringing of the child, the formation of his personality, the development of abilities. The family acts as an intermediary between the child and society, serves to transfer social experience to him. Through intra-family communication, the child learns the norms and forms of behavior accepted in a given society, moral values.

2. The systematic educational impact of the family team on each of its members throughout his life. Each family develops its own individual system of education, which is based on certain value orientations. The child very early feels what in his behavior, words will please, and what will upset his loved ones. Then he begins to understand the “family credo”: they don’t do this in our family, in our family they do it differently. The family team makes demands on its members, exerting a certain impact. Education, starting from the first days of a person's life, never leaves him in the future. Only the forms of education change.

Family – it is a kind of school in which everyone goes through many social roles. A child appeared - he became a son, grandson, brother, then husband, son-in-law, father, grandfather. The fulfillment of roles requires specific methods of interaction with others, which are acquired in a family team through imitation of the example of loved ones.

Throughout their life together, spouses influence each other, but the nature of this influence changes. In the first period of family life, the newlyweds enter with a load of their habits, tastes, with the peculiarities of their temperament. You have to accept something in a person, tactfully get rid of something, and redo something in yourself. In adulthood, spouses try to avoid negative situations, emphasize each other's merits in every possible way, inspire confidence in their own strengths, etc.

3. The constant influence of children on parents (other family members), encouraging them to self-education. Any process of education is based on the self-education of educators. Children are not always aware of their influence on other family members, but they intuitively do this literally from the first days of life.

The desire to have children is dictated by the vital needs that parents want to fulfill. However, needs and opportunities do not always coincide, therefore, in order to satisfy the former, one has to “work on oneself”, expand one’s horizons, master the ability to understand a child, develop one or another ability, etc. In other words, to become a good teacher their children, we must constantly strive for self-improvement, engage in self-education.

A person has a need to transfer his experience, his knowledge to other people. This need encourages to have children who are in such need of care and teaching. But it turns out that even elementary hygienic care for a newborn requires dexterity, a lot of knowledge and skills, not to mention the fact that later it’s sensible and interesting to answer the constant children’s “why”, help draw a portrait of dad, explain the principle of designing a homemade toy, etc. .d. In caring for children, parents become more experienced, wiser, more self-critical. And at the same time as the children, who are constantly growing and maturing, parents go up the steps of self-education, self-education.

For positive development, a person needs public recognition, public evaluation. In an effort to take good care of children, to give them a full-fledged upbringing, parents realize their value, raise their status in the eyes of others, and this encourages new efforts in the pedagogical field.

As soon as they are born, children expand the social world of their parents: a circle of new acquaintances appears who have similar childhood problems; contacts with a doctor who monitors the development of the child become essential; then, preschool teachers, school teachers, friends of a son or daughter, etc. enter the life of the family. Grown up children enrich the experience of parents with the methods of education that they learned in kindergarten, school, families of friends, relatives.

The connection with the children comes alive again in the relationship with the grandchildren, and the parents continue to be educators, but already as grandparents. And again for study: after all, grandchildren – this is a new generation. It turns out that other toys, board games, books appeared, the repertoire of children's theaters was updated, a planetarium was opened, etc. And you need to find out all this yourself in order to actively use it in raising a child, to help him keep pace with life.

So the child in the family – an inexhaustible source of vital impulses, emotional stimulants for parents. And the desire to develop in your child the abilities that will help him painlessly enter into new life, encourages adults to constantly work on themselves. No wonder many great teachers believed that family education – This is primarily self-education of parents. It is very difficult to instill in a child those qualities that you yourself do not possess, and “wean” from those that you constantly demonstrate.

Many problems of modern families are directly related to the gap between the ideas of future spouses about family life and the distribution of the roles of spouses in marriage. The traditional institution of the family is undergoing some “crisis”. This is due to a change in the very content of family and marriage relations. So why is the divorce rate on the rise today? Because of what, most couples say that they are burdened by family responsibilities, and there are practically no happy wives and husbands left?

Traditional family model

Historically, the distribution of the roles of spouses in their view before marriage is as follows. The woman is the keeper of the hearth, she is assigned the role of housekeeping, raising children, creating a favorable psychological atmosphere in the house. The male earner, he is responsible for ensuring the material well-being of the family. Partners are equally responsible for providing family leisure. Having entered into marriage, having created a family, both partners begin to adhere to the role that is assigned to him in the family according to his idea. A man works, provides for his family, a woman takes care of the household, provides comfort. It has been like this since time immemorial, this model of existence fully met the needs of society and was one of the most optimal.

Problems of modern families

But life does not stand still. A woman has long ceased to be satisfied with the role of a housewife. Yes, and the financial costs of maintaining existence are now such that one worker in the family cannot ensure a normal existence for everyone. Often a man and a woman change roles, or one of the partners takes on part of the role of the other. If this is done by agreement of the parties, then no problems arise. What if it's spontaneous?

This is where the problems of modern families begin, disputes about who is in charge, quarrels over trifles and constant showdowns. This is where marital dissatisfaction comes from. Money seizes all the power in the family, there is simply no room for simple human relationships.

There may be another situation, let's say not traditional. A woman in her mind assigns herself the role of a princess, which her husband should please in every possible way. Entering into marriage with this idea of ​​​​her role, after a while she stumbles upon a storm of indignation from a man who had completely different ideas about the role of his wife in the family. It turns out that one dreamed of a "prince on a white horse", and the other of the one "who will stop a galloping horse." And if mutual reproaches are added to this with reference to what kind of pies the mother-in-law prepares or, “my mother never does anything around the house,” then the situation in the family becomes simply unbearable.

Thus, it is important to note that the main role in satisfaction with marriage is played not by the traditional idea of ​​spouses about their role in the family, but by their relationship to each other. And before entering into marriage, it is imperative to understand how close your expectations and ideas about marriage and the role of spouses are with the ideas of your future husband.

During the period under consideration in Germany, more than early introduction about marriage as a repetition of original sin. The Church still welcomed chastity, but at the same time spoke of the good goal of procreation of the human race, as well as the generation of angels to replace the fallen. From now on, she considered the family as an indissoluble union of souls, and monogamous marriage as a sacrament and the only legal form of cohabitation. The most important consequence of this was the elimination of the institution of polygamy, or polygamy, which was widespread in European countries until the 11th-12th centuries. In the text of the "Saxon Mirror" there is no longer any mention of such a type of cohabitation as concubinage, although earlier churchmen could not deal with it.

In secular circles, marriage and family were treated much more prosaically. Most of the unions concluded in various strata of society, and primarily among the townspeople and the nobility, were determined by material calculation. Due to the marriages of children, the problems of land holdings, lack of Money and others. Thus, a wife, in addition to a significant dowry in the form of valuables and land, in some cases could also bring certain civil rights, which were transferred to the legal spouse, and subsequently inherited by them.

Marriages in the craft environment were characterized by the spirit of economic partnership. Usually they were concluded within one or several related professional groups and quite often "by free and mutual will." Often, a craft enterprise was the result of the initiative of both spouses.

The gradual awareness of the medieval German craftsman of his belonging to the family "was due to the social and economic role that she played in the craft environment", because the heritability of the profession was one of the main conditions for admission to craft workshops. For example, José Holle from Augsburg was admitted to the Cologne goldsmiths' workshop thanks to a letter of recommendation in which the foremen of the goldsmiths' workshop of his hometown confirmed that he was the son of the late master Heinrich Holle and was born in a legal marriage.

The family also had the character of a kind of political association, which was based on the principle of class. In the case of an unequal marriage, the wife followed the condition of her husband. As a rule, she had to go down the social ladder somewhat, since it was not too easy for parents to marry their daughter to someone from their social stratum due to lack of a worthy dowry, fear of violating the permissible degree of kinship, and for other reasons. In general, the charters given to individual cities allowed their inhabitants to marry any person, regardless of which lord they were under.

After the death of her husband, a woman acquired estate rights by birth, and her closest relative of equal birth, able to carry a sword, "but not a relative of her husband" became her guardian. Particularly striking evidence of the political nature of the family was the principle of single inheritance that existed within the framework of fief law and was absent in zemstvo law, according to which the father's fief was not split up, but remained with the eldest son. Thus, in the hands of a male heir capable of bearing arms, landed property was preserved as a symbol of the power of the feudal lord and his family.

Children enjoyed the rights of a parent who occupied a lower position on the steps of the social ladder, and were limited in inheritance rights. It was interesting that a person deprived of rights also had the opportunity to marry and even have children with his wife, but then he doomed them to an extremely painful existence, since they acquired an equal birth with him, that is, they became virtually deprived of rights.

An obstacle to marriage could be a close relationship, both blood and spiritual. In the ideas of a medieval person, the family acted as a kind of living organism, the head of which was a husband and wife, united by legal marriage. Already in the Salic Pravda there was an article according to which marriages like those when a man married a niece, wife of a brother or uncle, etc., were criminal and children from them could not be considered legal heirs. In 506, marriage was declared unacceptable for any degree of kinship, but a little later, at the end of the 6th century, Pope Gregory VII clarified the restriction of this prohibition to the seventh degree. Relatives of deceased spouses and those in spiritual relationship (godparents and their godchildren) could not marry. Because of this, it was especially difficult to find a spouse for the monarch. However, the prohibitions were by no means always observed, which forced church councils to return to this problem every now and then, and thus, in 1215, at the Lateran Council, the fourth degree of kinship was recognized as acceptable for marriage. The text of the "Saxon Mirror" gives us somewhat different information. We believe this is due to the fact that Frederick II Staufen was in power, that is, we are dealing with a period of violent clashes between the Holy Roman Empire and the papacy. The first, or "shoulder", degree of relationship was represented by the children of brothers and children of sisters. Then came six more degrees, at the last of which, the “nail”, the relationship ended, but only for inheritance, since the Pope allowed people who were in the fifth degree of relationship to marry, which secular circles were clearly negative about, noticing that he " cannot establish any law that could spoil our zemstvo or fief law.

In general, they were not very worried about this, because the one who, due to some circumstances, could not enter into a church marriage, entered into a secret marriage. Apparently, it is precisely with regard to this kind of unions that the Saxon Mirror says that “if someone takes a wife whom he should not have by right, and receives children from her, and then they are properly divorced, this will not damage their rights. children born before the divorce, and in addition, the child that the mother carried.

The process of marriage was divided into three stages: the agreement of families, betrothal and direct marriage. All three can be seen in the example of the text of the Nibelungenlied. In our case, the first stage comes down to an agreement between Siegfried and Gunther (“With Brunhilde, as soon as I return here, I make a vow to give my sister as a wife”), the second to the exchange of Siegfried and Kriemhild oaths (“She did not refuse him in her hand, And the noble Dutch king swore to become her husband. //

When both of them swore to each other, They immediately hugged tightly, tightly"), the third - for the wedding ("Everything was ready, as befits the rank: Crowns, their robes and everything that was due. When there in They blessed them in the cathedral, They saw them joyful in the crowns of all four of them.

Marriage unions were henceforth concluded with the consent of both spouses. “Of course, I will never break that oath in my life. And, in whatever way I can, I am ready to help you in this matter,” Gunther said for this reason to Siegfried. Despite the fact that, as an older brother, in the absence of a father, he was the guardian of Kriemhild, the king still had to get her satisfactory response to the idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthe planned enterprise, which he then does. On the contrary, the consent of the parents, the lord and the Church for marriage during the High Middle Ages was no longer required, although it was considered desirable.

The fact that marriage required the consent of both the groom and the bride did not change the fact that most of the unions concluded among the chivalry were still determined by calculation, material or political. This is beautifully illustrated by Giselcher's engagement to the daughter of Rüdeger and Gothelinda. In the text of the Nibelungenlied, they are recognized as equal in nobility, which by the time the Nibelungenlied was written was rather an exception (after all, we are talking about persons of royal blood). Usually, as we have already said, when getting married, the bride fell a little down the social ladder due to the inability to collect a worthy dowry or fear of violating the permitted degree of kinship.

On the one hand, in the fragment of the XXVII adventure we are considering, the bridegroom’s brothers promised the bride lands and burghs (“They promised to give her lands and burghs”, in return for which her father gave her a rich dowry (“But I don’t have burghs ... I will give so many silver and gold for my daughter, As long as a hundred bag horses could carry, So that his relatives would find that gift with honor.

The material component of such a union is very interesting. According to ancient German custom, the purchase of a bride was replaced by the payment to her father of the purchase price, which he passed on to his daughter after the marriage was concluded. Now, according to canon law, the husband had to give his wife the so-called “morning gift” - a gift on the morning after the wedding night (“As a morning gift he should have gotten her”), which amounted to approximately a quarter of the entire immovable and movable property of the groom. These gifts, as it were, were the property of the wife, but meanwhile they were under the control of the husband, and the woman, therefore, was not allowed to alienate anything from “her” property without the consent of her husband. In the event of a divorce, separation, or death of the husband, the wife usually received everything donated back (if the wife died earlier, the "gift" again became the property of the husband), and in the latter case it was called the "widow's share", which the widow, who was not under the guardianship of her relatives, disposed of independently (“That treasure belongs to her; So how can I interfere with my sister in that?”), And was supplemented by the “female share”, which included household utensils, personal items and jewelry.

On the other hand, there is a possibility that Hagen, the uncle of the Burgundian kings, was counting not on the long marriage of Giselher, but on acquiring an ally in the upcoming struggle. There is a political calculation here.

As for divorces, the articles of church and secular legislation differed greatly. At the Council of Carthage in 407, divorce was declared by the Church possible only in those rare cases when a Christian was married to a heretic, Jew or pagan. For example, Kriemhild could well have divorced Etzel, who generally doubted whether she would marry him, saying: “She is not like me, / After all, I am still a pagan and there is no cross on me, / She is a Christian and is unlikely to agree.” But at the time when the Nibelungenlied was written, she would have managed, according to church law, at best to separate (which was also extremely difficult) from her husband. "The separation consisted simply of living apart, sometimes it included the division of property, and the separated couples did not have the right to reunite later." The reason for this could be, in particular, the recognition of him as a heretic (and in addition, the discovery of the fact of kinship with him, excessive cruelty on his part, squandering joint property, leprosy, impotence, or refusal of sexual relations). But she couldn't divorce him.

Secular legislation, contrary to strict church legislation, more often allowed divorces, both at the initiative of the husband and at the initiative of the wife, although in the latter case, of course, more reluctantly.

According to secular law, a wife could divorce her husband if he committed a murder, desecrated a grave, or resorted to witchcraft, but not on the basis of treason, drunkenness, or playing cards. After that, she could marry after five years after the divorce, but if her husband was left by her for frivolous sins, then never. A husband, legally divorced from his wife, could not deprive her of life maintenance, "which he provided to her in his property." A wife, legally divorced from her husband, retained the right to life use of his landed property, her share of the products and the woman's share. Everything that she brought to her husband and that her husband had promised her, "when they first met," had to be handed over to her.

In some cases, the marriage could be declared invalid and annulled (if the fact of consanguinity or spiritual relationship of the spouses was revealed, the remarriage of any of them, or if the husband suffered from sexual impotence), and until the 12th century, according to church law, a woman could remarry and in cases when the fact of the death of her husband in a crusade, in a war, etc. was established, or his captivity, in which there was not the slightest hope of returning. If the husband miraculously came back, then the remarried wife had to return to him. From the 12th century, remarriage became possible only when the first marriage was annulled due to kinship. An excellent illustration of this are the lines of the old German "Ballad of Henry the Lion", recorded in the 16th century and subjected to numerous adaptations. When Satan informs the Duke that his wife is remarrying in Braunschweig, he replies: “Is she to blame? Seven years have passed. / Let me see my wife /

And do what you want with me!” When, on his return, his wife sees him, she exclaims the following: “My Heinrich has returned! My faithful husband! From now on, we are together forever!

By the way, the text of the “Saxon Mirror” does not mention a single ground for divorce, with the exception of marriages performed illegally, when one of the spouses, for example, misled the other about his belonging to a particular estate, but we can assume that the set was standard: for a husband - wife's adultery, prostitution, sorcery; for a wife - a husband committing a murder, desecrating a grave, witchcraft. The last point in both cases is especially logical, since anyone "who is associated with magic or poisoning, if exposed, should be burned at the stake", and since "exposed" is almost always, then one of the spouses, either husband or wife, in any case, I would have become a widow and could have remarried, so there was no point in delaying it - it would be better to divorce right away.

But, apparently, occasionally it also happened that the applicant did not receive consent to a divorce from a secular court. In this regard, one of the articles mentions a funny precedent when a husband, apparently no longer knowing where to go from a hated marriage, went to a monastery without the consent of his wife, and she returned him from monastic life according to church law . It so happened that the Church, on which he counted so much in this matter, did not live up to the expectations of the unfortunate husband.

A man could remarry as many times as he liked, "even if his three wives died, or four, or more." The same applied to women. The mention in the article we have just cited of the connection between remarriage and the death of a spouse is curious. It makes sense to assume that if the wife or husband died, then the surviving spouse could remarry at any time, but if it happened after a divorce, then a period was set, only after which it was possible to remarry.

The text of the Saxon Mirror does not contain information about the age of consent, however, for males, it probably coincided with the beginning of the pores of youth according to Zemsky law, that is, with the twelve-year boundary, and for women, it may have come a little earlier. Many researchers note a significant age difference between married spouses. Most often, in their opinion, in the Middle Ages there was a model "an elderly husband - a young wife."

However, we believe that this trend was more typical for peasants, and not at all for persons of noble birth and townspeople, since the latter were guided in marriage mainly by political and material considerations, considering beauty and health a secondary factor, and therefore very often married widows or older women. Among the peasants, a woman was regarded as another pair of working hands, and therefore men who remarried tried to choose the youngest possible bride for themselves, counting on her strength and health. The lot that awaited the peasant woman was “weave, let the flax ruffle, Yes, dig beets and turnips, Yes, swallow the dust in the hayloft”.

If we count the number of articles of Zemsky law, which, in terms of family and marriage relations, controls not only the behavior of the ignoble, but, on the contrary, in the first place just noble persons, where the death of a husband or the death of a wife is mentioned, then they will turn out to be almost the same number, from which it is possible draw the extremely approximate, but still desperately suggestive conclusion that among the nobles, male and female mortality was approximately equal.

In the cities, as a rule, people got married later than in the countryside, which was due to economic reasons. For a person striving for financial prosperity and career growth, the family was in some way an obstacle. Therefore, they entered into marriage only after achieving certain successes. The higher the bar that they were going to reach, the later it happened: “who aspired to a career as a merchant, banker, lawyer needed more time than an ordinary ordinary artisan to start a family corresponding to his social status” . For example, Augsburg merchants in the 13th-14th centuries married only at the age of 38-40.

Again, if we talk about the “marriage market”, then among the nobility and townspeople, according to some articles of the collection of legislation we are considering, there was no such “deficit of brides” that was typical for the peasant environment, where women died from overwork and painful childbirth. Here one can talk more about a “shortage of suitors” than one can explain the fact that girls, unmarried women and, most importantly, their guardians, agreed to marriages in which the wife, following the husband’s estate, descended down the social ladder.

The basis of family and property relations was the provision according to which “husband and wife do not have separate property during their lifetime”. This was due to the joint management of a natural economy. From the moment of marriage, the wife entrusted all her property into the hands of her husband, and he owned it "by way of legal guardianship."

All the time that marriage existed, the only one who disposed of the property was the husband, who at the same time became the legal guardian of his wife. He also controlled the property acquired and acquired jointly in marriage. The wife did not have such a right, but legally retained ownership of the property that she brought to the family, as well as everything that was promised to her on the eve of the conclusion of the marriage union and that was given to her in marriage. Without the consent of the husband, the wife could "neither cede her property, nor sell it, nor leave", unlike girls and unmarried women. In general, without the permission of her husband, the wife could not dispose of anything, however, as was already emphasized earlier, in the event of a divorce, she became much more free and secure.

If the husband did die before his wife, then his flax became "her lawful flax"; the death of his wife did not give the grief-stricken husband anything, except for that part of the female share, which was "his bed, standing the same as when his wife lived, his table with a tablecloth, his bench with a feather bed, his chair with a pillow".

The basis of family property relations between parents and children was the same principle of community of family property. The head of the family owned all the family property and he could exclusively dispose of it, while the unallocated children had no rights to it at all. Children received property rights only after their separation, and only after the father, allocating a son, or the mother, allocating a daughter, gave them a certain part of the property, they formed an independent property sphere, from which it follows that the separation meant liberation for children from the power of the parents and, above all, from the power of the father.

In general, if you look through the eyes of the Church, then marriage was seen as a sacrament, and the family as an indissoluble union of souls. In secular circles, the conclusion of marriage unions was determined by political and material calculation. Close kinship was an obstacle to marriage. Secular law limited the permissible degree of relationship to the seventh degree, while the Pope limited it to the fifth. Many had to enter into secret marriages. Divorces were allowed at the initiative of one of the parties, as well as remarriages, the number of which was not limited. As for the “marriage market”, if among the peasants there was a so-called “deficit of brides”, then the reverse trend was typical for the environment of the townspeople and the nobility. Family property relations between husband and wife, as well as between parents and children, were based on the principle of common family property. The wife in this regard was almost completely powerless, and either a divorce or the death of her husband could improve her position. For children, there was a division that personified liberation from parental authority and especially from the arbitrariness of the father.

The official delegation of the Russian Orthodox Church, headed by the chairman of the Department for External Church Relations of the Moscow Patriarchate, Metropolitan Hilarion of Volokolamsk, took part in the work of the assembly.

In his speech, Metropolitan Hilarion stated "the purposeful destruction of traditional ideas about marriage and the family" in the so-called developed countries.

“This is evidenced by such a recent phenomenon as equating homosexual unions with marriage and granting same-sex couples the right to adopt children,” Metropolitan Hilarion said in particular. - From the point of view of biblical teaching and traditional Christian moral values, this indicates a deep spiritual crisis. The religious concept of sin is finally eroded in societies that, until recently, perceived themselves as Christian.

In addition, the metropolitan raised the topic of the persecution of Christians in the Middle East and other regions, and also explained the significance of the WCC for Russia and the world as a whole.

No other report at the Assembly has evoked so much excitement, admiration and indignation from the audience.

The reaction of the Assembly participants to these words was different. Some already during the report energetically shook blue cards in the air - this is how, according to the procedure, disagreement is expressed. Others, after the speech, approached the microphone, expressed solidarity, and then surrounded the speaker in a tight ring and warmly thanked.

In order to better understand what is at stake, here are a few quotes from the Metropolitan's speech itself.

- Did you know in advance that you would “break the hive” with your performance?

I have a very good idea of ​​the atmosphere of the World Council of Churches, I know the mood of the people and the approximate alignment of forces. One of the weaknesses of the WCC is that the balance of power in the Christian community is not presented here quite adequately. For example, the largest Christian Church, the Roman Catholic Church, which morally stands on fairly conservative positions, is almost not represented here at all. A very loud voice in the WCC is always heard from the Protestants of the North and West, but the Protestant churches of the South - in particular Africa and the Middle East - are underrepresented.

The discussion after my talk showed that most members of the World Council of Churches - despite the prevailing liberal agenda - are on conservative positions on moral issues. For example, a delegate from one of the Protestant churches of the Congo said, in response to my report, that all of Africa shares our position on family ethics and the inadmissibility of equating same-sex unions with marriage. And the whole of Africa is a lot, a whole continent.

The Middle East also supports this position. The metropolitan from Egypt spoke on behalf of the pre-Chalcedonian churches - and they agree with us. Therefore, I think we have a fairly broad support in the World Council of Churches. I think our position on moral issues is shared by two-thirds of the non-Orthodox members of the WCC. But still, one should not forget about the liberal voices - these are primarily the churches of Western Europe and Scandinavia, as well as part of the American churches. It should be taken into account that they are the main donors of the Council - they provide it with the main financial support. In this regard, they traditionally have a very strong position here.

What is the point then in the work of the Russian Orthodox Church at the WCC? After all, Western "liberal" churches still do not admit they were wrong. Are you ready to compromise with them?

We never compromise with anyone. But let's remember the gospel parable of the sower. When we sow a seed, we never know whether it will fall on stony ground, or thorns, or birds will peck at it, or whether it will fall on fertile soil. There were about 2,000 people in the plenary session hall of the WCC, and I think there are quite a few among them whose heart is just fertile soil. They'll take what's been said to their churches, tell what they've heard. You yourself saw that many people came up to me and thanked me for my speech. At the same time, there will always be dissenters, and we know this in advance. But I never try to adapt to someone else's style, to someone else's standards. I know that I have been given fifteen minutes and I must use them. After all, when else will there be an opportunity to speak to such an audience, and will it be presented at all?

I believe that the voice of the Church should be prophetic, it should speak the truth, even if this truth is not politically correct and does not meet modern secular liberal standards. What is happening now. In this sense, our witness to the WCC requires a certain amount of courage, a willingness to hear and respond to criticism, but it also requires benevolence. We cannot simply "castigate the vices." We must speak to people about the truth of God, but speak with love and respect from the position - as long as this position does not diverge from the Gospel.

The delegate from the Methodist Church of Africa still objected to you. According to her, same-sex marriage is not such a terrible problem, what is worse is that teenagers commit suicide when they realize their non-traditional orientation and think that they will be condemned for it, and the Church, criticizing homosexuality, seems to contribute to such condemnation. What are you ready to answer?

These are two completely different topics that cannot be mixed. Domestic violence, teenage suicide and many other social disasters that are characteristic of our country, third world countries, and so-called developed countries - all these problems require the attention of the Church. But one does not exclude the other, and one is not directly related to the other. We are not saying that other problems should not be solved. But there is something that threatens Christian civilization as such. We are talking about the basics of family ethics, about the fact that the Church is called to protect the family as it is described in the Bible, that the Bible is our common teaching basis.

The second topic of your report - on the seemingly equally painful issue of the persecution of Christians in the Middle East and other regions - did not cause such heated discussion as the topic of same-sex marriage. What do you think of it?

Representatives of churches in the Middle East, North Africa and all those countries where Christians are being persecuted are very concerned that the World Council of Churches has voiced this topic, reacted to these acts of violence and contributed to changing the situation for the better. But the WCC has for many years been dominated by a European liberal agenda. And for many Europeans, it is completely uninteresting to think about those Christians who are persecuted and killed for their faith. For these Europeans, it is more interesting to think about the observance of so-called democratic freedoms.

There is an opinion that words, statements, declarations - what the Assembly of the WCC is doing - do not really affect the fate of those Christians who are being killed, say, in the Middle East ...

We are not limited to words and declarations. Declarations are made to be followed by action. Although, unfortunately, very often in the modern world people on declarations end their activity. For example, in 2011, the European Union made an important statement about the persecution of Christians and even proposed a mechanism for their protection, namely, that any political and economic support to countries where Christians are persecuted should be carried out only in exchange for guarantees of the safety of Christians. This is the mechanism that political leaders should have set in motion. But we don't see it happening. So far, the declaration has remained only on paper.

Unfortunately, much of what is said in an inter-Christian context also remains only good wishes. At the same time, many of the churches present at the WCC Assembly have leverage over state leaders. If we talk about the Russian Orthodox Church, then we are closely cooperating with the leadership of the Russian Federation on international issues, including with the aim of protecting Christians in the Middle East. If we talk, for example, about the Church of England, then it also has the opportunity to influence the position of Great Britain in such matters. There are many such examples.

In your report, there are words about how "Christians are the most persecuted religious community on the planet." What is the reason?

Let's look at the whole history of Christianity. For the first three centuries, the Church was persecuted almost everywhere. Then times changed, but waves of persecution against the Church arose again and again, and they came from different directions. For many centuries the Orthodox Church lived either under the Arab, or under the Mongol, or under the Turkish yoke. In the 20th century in our country, when godlessness became the official ideology, the Church was subjected to the most severe genocide: most of the clergy were physically exterminated, almost all monasteries and more than ninety percent of churches were closed. And until recently, the Church remained persecuted - the people of my generation still found this time. Christ clearly told his disciples that in this world they would be persecuted. This is what happens, albeit intermittently.

Among many believers in Russia, the attitude towards the WCC is reserved or negative: the ecumenism movement is perceived as an attempt to recognize insignificant differences in creeds, which means -in fact recognize faith itself as insignificant. Nevertheless, the Russian Orthodox Church has been participating in the work of the WCC for many years. What could you say to people who do not understand why all this is necessary?

If such people were with us at the Assembly now, they would see that no one here is engaged in the search for doctrinal compromises or attempts to bring together different Christian denominations. Each confessional group is clearly defined and has its own position, which it expresses and defends. And there is no doctrinal rapprochement. Of course, at the very beginning, when the ecumenical movement was just being created, and this happened in the pre-war period, and when it took shape, and this happened after the war, many people had dreams that by participating in such a movement, doctrinal differences could also be overcome. But now it has become obvious that these dreams are unrealizable, they were based on erroneous analysis.

The differences between Christians of different denominations are much deeper than one might expect. Moreover, these differences are only deepening and new differences appear, which did not exist in the middle of the 20th century, when the World Council of Churches was created and when the ecumenical movement was institutionalized. As an example, I can draw your attention to the gulf between conservatives and liberals that has developed in the Christian community today and that fifty years ago it was even difficult to imagine. I mean the gulf between conservatism and liberalism, not in doctrinal questions, but in moral and social questions.

The Protestant Churches have come a long way in the last fifty years, and it seems to me that this way has taken them farther away from Orthodoxy than the previous four hundred and fifty years of the Reformation's development. We are now separated from each other very far and cannot speak with the Protestants of the West and the North with a single voice. In this regard, the WCC provides an important platform for the exchange of views. For the Russian Orthodox Church, this is primarily a platform where we can express our position in defense of traditional Christian moral values. No matter what theological problematic is now dominant in the WCC. It has largely been brought under the jurisdiction of the Faith and Order Commission, which is older than the WCC itself. But even within the framework of this commission, there is no rapprochement between Christians of different confessions. Such a task has not been set before the WCC for a long time.

- What is your personal result of participation in this Assembly?

This is already the third assembly of the WCC in which I participate as the head of the delegation of the Russian Orthodox Church. The first took place in Harare (Zimbabwe) in 1998. Our Church sent a small delegation of three people there, which expanded to five during their stay there. I was then a hieromonk. And the fact that we did not have a single bishop in our delegation was a signal for the WCC - a signal sent deliberately. We were very dissatisfied with the agenda of the Council, the method of decision-making and the fact that there was less and less space left for witnessing Orthodoxy.

We then took a number of vigorous measures to change this situation, and we changed it. On the initiative of the Russian Orthodox Church, in the same 1998, a pan-Orthodox meeting was convened in Thessaloniki (Greece), the head of the Department for External Church Relations, Metropolitan Kirill (the current Patriarch of Moscow and All Rus' - ed. note) took a tough stance. A statement was adopted in which we demanded that the World Council of Churches listen to the voice of the Orthodox, ensure our participation not only in the discussion of the issues on the agenda, but also in the formation of the agenda itself, ensure that decisions are made only by consensus, provide additional mechanisms for interaction between the Orthodox Churches and the WCC. These mechanisms are still in operation.

The measures taken, in my opinion, helped to rectify the situation to some extent. We now have every opportunity to declare and defend our position in the World Council of Churches. In this regard, the situation in the WCC has changed in better side. The Assembly in Porto Alegre (Brazil) in 2006, where I was also the head of the delegation, and Metropolitan Kirill participated as an honored guest, testified that the WCC was ready to listen to the opinion of the Orthodox Churches and was ready to take into account their position. And this Assembly also demonstrates this readiness. Another thing is that we, of course, do not count on the unanimous consent of all participants. We see in the WCC a clear dominant feature of the liberal wing of world Christianity. I repeat, it occupies a proportionally larger place here than in the real balance of power in the Christian community. But our participation in the work of the WCC has a very definite meaning - we use this platform as a missionary field.

At present, the WCC unites over 330 Churches, denominations and communities in more than 100 countries of the world, representing about 400 million Christians. Today, among the members of the WCC are the Local Orthodox Churches (including the Russian Orthodox Church), two dozen denominations from among the historically established Protestant churches: Anglicans, Lutherans, Calvinists, Methodists and Baptists. Various united and independent churches are also well represented. Of the Orthodox Local Churches, the Serbian Orthodox Church and the Georgian Orthodox Church do not participate in the activities of the WCC.

The Roman Catholic Church, not being a member of the WCC, has been closely cooperating with the Council for over 30 years and sends its representatives to all major conferences of the WCC, as well as to meetings of the Central Committee and the General Assembly. The Pontifical Council for Christian Unity appoints 12 representatives to the WCC Faith and Order Commission and cooperates with the WCC in preparing materials for local communities and parishes used during the annual Week of Prayer for Christian Unity.

Ideas about family and marriage

S. V. Kovalev emphasizes the importance of forming adequate marriage and family ideas for boys and girls. At present, young people's ideas about marriage have a number of negative features: for example, at the age of 13-15 there is a progressive separation and opposition of the concepts of love and marriage. Among students (according to the questionnaire survey “Your Ideal”), the importance of love when choosing a life partner was in fourth place after the qualities “respect”, “trust”, “mutual understanding”. There is a clear “pushing back” of love in marriage against the background of its previous omnipotence. That is, young men and women can perceive the family as a hindrance to their feelings, and only later, painfully through trial and error, come to comprehend

niyu moral and psychological value of marriage. The task is to form an understanding of the value of the family among high school students and try to create a correct understanding of the relationship between love and marriage and the role of love as the basis of a long-term union.

The next thing that characterizes the marriage and family ideas of young people is their obvious consumer unrealism. So, according to V. I. Zatsepin, in the study of students, it turned out that the average desired spouse in its positive qualities surpassed the “average” real young man from the immediate environment of female students, similarly to male students, the ideal spouse was presented in the form of a woman who was not only better real girls, but also surpassed them in intelligence, honesty, fun and diligence.

It is typical for young people discrepancy between the qualities of the desired life partner and the intended partner in everyday communication, from the circle; which this satellite, in general, should be selected. Surveys of sociologists have shown that personality traits that are considered significant for an ideal spouse are not of decisive importance in real communication between boys and girls.

Our study (in 1998-2001) of the premarital preferences of university students showed a similar picture in many respects.

The open form of the survey (the wording was proposed by the respondents themselves) revealed that in the image of the preferred partner in | communication, students should have such qualities as (in descending order): external data, positive character traits (different for each of the respondents - kindness, loyalty, modesty, decency, good breeding, diligence, etc.), mind, communicative data, sense of humour, gaiety, femininity, sexuality, patient attitude towards the respondent himself, general development (spiritual, outlook, professionalism), diligence, balance, calmness, health, material security.

The image of the future spouse includes: moral qualities (as a total index of various character traits: honesty, ability to keep one’s word, decency, fidelity, kindness, etc.), intelligence, appearance, cultural development, attitude towards the interviewee himself (loving, patient , yielding), temperament properties (equal answers - poise and impulsiveness), sense of humor, generosity, hospitality, communicative qualities, femininity. Some students found it difficult to name the qualities of the future wife.

Table 2. Characteristics of the image of a girl with whom I would like to communicate, and qualities that students of the University would like to see in their future spouse (Faculty of Philosophy)

№	Preferred Friend Image	% responses	The image of the future wife	% responses
	External Data	71,2	Moral qualities(total index of various good character traits)	75,0
	Moral qualities (total expression of heterogeneous qualities of good character)	68,3	Mind	67,1
	Mind	65,4	Appearance	56,7
	Communication data	34,6	Cultural development (spiritual development, education, outlook, professionalism, etc.)	53,4
	Sense of humor, fun	32,7	Relation to the answerer	33,3
	Femininity	28,4	Equilibrium	16,7
	Sexuality	26,5	Impulsiveness	16,7
	Patience towards the respondent	25,1	Sense of humor, fun	15,1
	General development (spiritual, outlook, professionalism)	24,3	hospitality, generosity	13,3
	industriousness	16,7	Communication qualities	8,2,
	Balance, calmness	15,6	Femininity	7,5
	Health	4,6	Financial security, career	7,5
	Financial security	3,8	Health	3,8

Thus, some discrepancy between the images of the partner with whom I would like to communicate and the future wife was revealed. The qualities of the latter turned out to be less certain for young men, which is probably due to the general uncertainty of their family future (some young men do not think about marriage).

Table 3. Premarital preferences of female university students

№	Image of preferred communication partner	% responses	№	The image of the desired spouse	% responses
	Appearance and body features	100,0		Attitude towards the respondent	100,0
	Sense of humor	78,7		maturity, responsibility	83,2
	Mind	60,1		Mind	60,1
	Moral qualities (according to the sum of various properties - honesty, decency, etc.)	49,4		Financial security	53,4
	Sensitivity, kindness.	47,1		Kindness	48,3
	Communication qualities	43,7		Appearance	36,3
	Attitude towards the respondent	41,6		Sense of humor	34,3
	Volitional qualities	36,5	8-9.	industriousness	30,8
	Education	34,2	8-9	Patience	30,8
10-11	Brightness, eccentricity	25,7		Self confidence	25,1
10-11	upbringing	25,7		"Defender"	23,4
	Financial security	23,4		Erudition	20,5
	Self confidence	21,3	13V	Volitional qualities	18,7
	hard work, hard work	10,3		Sociability	16,4
	Sexuality	9,4		Sexuality	8,3
	Independence	7,4		upbringing	7,3

An analysis of the premarital ideas of female students (of the Faculty of Philosophy and Economics) showed a greater mismatch than that of male students between the qualities of a preferred communication partner and the characteristics of a future (desired) spouse. So, if for the attractiveness of a partner his appearance or especially

physique (athleticism, sports uniform, etc.), as well as a sense of humor and intelligence, then among the qualities preferred for family life, the attitude towards the interviewee herself (loving, fulfilling my desires, etc. - the wording is varied) is more important ), maturity, responsibility and intelligence. Appearance and sense of humor are losing their leading positions, and communicative qualities are moving from the middle ranks to the last ones. But half of the girls surveyed expect from their future chosen one the ability to provide for their families, and one fourth - protection.

If we consider the premarital preferences of young people not in an average form, but to make a qualitative analysis of the data - an individual comparison of the preferences of a partner and a future husband, then we can see that students (and female students) differ greatly in the degree of correspondence between the images of a friend and a husband. For some respondents, there is a fairly large coincidence of those qualities that make young man attractive to communicate with him, and the desired properties of the future spouse. In this case, it can be predicted that there is an awareness of personality traits that are important for long-term communication, and it is on them that these respondents are guided in choosing friends (according to S.V. Kovalev, on “significant universal human values”). There were 40% of such boys and girls in our sample. Some students have some discrepancy between the qualities of the desired partner and life partner. Unfortunately, almost half (45%) of students have an almost complete discrepancy in the image of a friend (girlfriend) and future husband (wife).

There is also another dangerous trend - the excessive requirements for a partner and spouse: this applies mainly to girls. A part of the students revealed an almost complete list of requirements for young people from all theoretically possible ones - it reaches 20 qualities. Here are the mind, beauty, sensitivity, leadership qualities ("stronger than me"), security, help around the house, honesty, education, sociability, sense of humor. If at the same time the requirements are rigid, the likelihood of building successful relationships is reduced to a minimum.

V. I. Zatsepin also notes pygmalionism in the interpersonal perception of boys and girls. A direct relationship has been revealed between the nature of self-esteem and the level of evaluation of the desired spouse in many qualities. It turned out that those who highly appreciated the degree of development in themselves of such qualities as honesty, beauty, cheerfulness, etc., would like to see these qualities in their future spouse. Works

Estonian sociologists have shown that such pygmalionism is also very characteristic of the idealized ideas of young people: for boys and girls, the ideal spouse is usually similar to one's own character (but with an increase in its positive components). In general, in these sets, cordiality, sociability, frankness and intelligence are most valued (girls still appreciate strength and determination, and young men - the modesty of their chosen ones).

At the same time, it turned out that young people starting a life together do not know each other's characters well - the assessments assigned to a life partner differed very significantly from his (her) self-esteem. Those entering into marriage endowed the chosen one with qualities similar to their own, but with their well-known exaggeration towards greater masculinity or femininity (Kovalev S.V., 1989).

So, the development of marriage and family ideas of boys and girls includes the formation of their correct views on the relationship between love and marriage, overcoming consumer tendencies in relation to the family and life partner, fostering realism and integrity in the perception of themselves and others.

A very important area of ​​sex education is the formation of standards of masculinity and femininity. It is in adolescence that schoolchildren complete the formation of the role positions of men and women. Girls have a sharp increase in interest in their appearance and there is a kind of reassessment of its significance, associated with a general increase in self-esteem, an increase in the need to please and a heightened assessment of their own and other people's successes with the opposite sex. For boys, strength and masculinity are at the forefront, which is accompanied by endless behavioral experiments aimed at finding themselves and forming their own image of adulthood. The formation of sexual consciousness, standards of masculinity and femininity begins from the first days of a child's life. However, it is carried out most intensively in adolescence and youth, when what has been learned at the previous stages begins to be tested and refined in the course of intensive communication with persons of the opposite sex.

T. I. Yufereva’s studies show that practically the only sphere of life activity in which adolescents’ ideas about the images of masculinity and femininity are formed is relationships with the opposite sex. It turned out that these ideas at each age reflect special aspects of communication: in the 7th grade - family and domestic relations, in the 8th and, especially, in the 9th - closer emotional and personal relationships.

between boys and girls, and the former relations do not deepen with age, but are simply replaced by others.

Adolescents' ideas about the ideal qualities of men and women for gender relationships are mainly associated with the concept of partnership without regard to gender. Therefore, ideal representations and real behavior do not coincide, since the ideal does not perform a regulatory function. It is also sad that the concept of femininity of a young man was associated exclusively with motherhood, and in the disclosure of the concept of masculinity they forget about such a quality as responsibility (Yufereva T. I., 1985, 1987).

S. V. Kovalev argues that sex education should not smooth out, but, on the contrary, in every possible way support the sexual differences between men and women. These differences appear already in the first days after birth, becoming more and more vivid and distinct as the child grows up. The activity of the stronger sex is of a peculiar object-instrumental nature, while the weaker sex is emotionally expressive in nature, which is sufficiently manifested in the field of sexual behavior and inclinations.

It is difficult to overestimate the role of sex education in the formation qualities of a family man. Here a huge role is played by the premarital experience of youth, in which it is especially important to know as much as possible real families, the relationships and structures that reign in them. At present, acquaintance with houses, which is extremely necessary for boys and girls, is not accepted for two reasons: firstly, habitually meeting outside family circle in places of leisure, boys and girls do not have the opportunity to make a full impression of each other, since it is impossible without knowing how their chosen one is among relatives and friends. Secondly, only with such a “home” acquaintance can young people make a fairly accurate impression not only about the peculiarities of the family microclimate and way of life, but also about their acceptability from the point of view of the ideas accepted in their own home about the rights and obligations of family members, about how one can and should act in a family community. Based on this, young people could make a more accurate decision about the possibility of a future life together.

V. A. Sysenko (1985, p. 25) formulates the main areas of activity in preparing for family life:

1) moral (awareness of the value of marriage, children, etc.);

2) psychological (the amount of psychological knowledge required

V married life);

3) pedagogical (skills and abilities for raising children);

4) sanitary and hygienic (hygiene of marriage and everyday life);

5) economic and household.

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