What to prepare for marriage. Is it possible to get married without the groom's parents
In the old days, matchmaking was performed in compliance with many signs.
It was believed that the better the matchmaking went, the more customs were observed, the happier and richer the family life of the young would be.
After all, the observance of traditions was not important in itself: it was regarded as a tribute to the ancestors, who could bring happiness to a young family, and avert trouble from it, and provide assistance in difficult times.
Customs and rules of conduct during matchmaking
A hundred years ago, matchmaking often stretched for a week. One day it happened wooing the bride, in the other bride, in the third - engagement (betrothal, conspiracy). And these are just the most important steps.
A few more rites took place between them: yard-gazing(when the bride's relatives look around the house and household of the groom's family) and sing, during which the bride is “drinked away” at a cheerful and noisy feast, after which neither party has the right to refuse marriage.
matchmaking
Usually, the upcoming arrival at the house of matchmakers for the relatives of the bride was not a surprise: they were informed about this in advance by the local matchmaker, a respectable and highly respected woman.
If the bride's relatives agreed to accept or at least listen to the offer, then a festive treat was prepared, the table was laid. The matchmakers who came were seated behind him, and a long conversation began, giving the two families the opportunity to have fun, compete in wit, and get to know each other better, while discussing important issues.
In some areas, it was customary for the bride to sit by the stove during the matchmaking, shoveling out the ashes from there. However, she had to do this extremely carefully: after all, she was wearing one of her best outfits.
In other villages, the bride could even express her attitude towards the matchmakers: if the girl started sweeping the floor from the threshold to the stove, she let it know that she was glad for the groom, but if from the stove to the threshold, it meant that she wanted the matchmakers to leave the house.
Often the bride was not shown at all during the matchmaking or they were allowed to go out to the guests only for a short time, saving the bride until the ceremony.
The bride's relatives treated the matchmakers, praising their daughter and telling what a mistress, hard worker and craftswoman she is. If the bride's family was rich and the girl was beautiful, then they might not have given final consent the first time.
In the Kuban, in Kursk and Voronezh, it was considered bad form and recognition of any shortcomings of a girl if the family agreed to marry her off at the first visit to the matchmakers. It was a good omen to make the matchmakers come an odd number of times: three or even five.
Smotriny
After the matchmaking, they appointed a day of viewing. The girl showed her skills, the groom's relatives carefully examined the dowry prepared by the bride: no matter how beautiful the loafer, unspun, netkaha was, they did not marry such.
During the look the girl could up to three times change outfits. At the end of the show, after the young man returned to the hut, having previously discussed the girl’s dignity with her relatives, her mother presented him with a full mug of intoxicated honey. If a guy emptied her in one breath, then he confirmed his intention to marry, if he only sipped a little, this meant a refusal.
In the case when both parties were satisfied with each other, the day of agreement (betrothal) was appointed.
farsightedness
Previously, the bride's family could also pay a visit to the groom's family to evaluate the house and household. During the conspiracy, especially many symbolic rites were performed.
Before the betrothal, the bride in the company of her bridesmaids had to "mourn the scythe", that is, their girlish freedom. The expression “to mourn the scythe” has gone back to pre-Christian times, when, after the wedding, the young husband cut off his wife’s scythe and gave it to the girl’s family as a sign of kinship.
Also, since pagan times, the tradition of a betrothed girl to cry sobbing has been preserved, rather than symbolically show the gods that she is not going away of her own will into a strange family - they are taken away by force.
sing
With the beginning of the conspiracy, the engaged guy and girl were seated together on a bearskin: this was supposed to contribute to the childbearing of the future family.
At the end of the evening, when the bride was already "drunk away", she cut the bread brought by the groom's family, and each of the guests had to eat at least a piece. Bread is holy, the oath taken on bread is inviolable, and from that moment on, no one could refuse the upcoming marriage without bringing inescapable shame on their heads.
As a sign of betrothal, the groom gave the bride some kind of jewelry (most often, earrings), and the girl had to present the whole family of the groom.
What should a bride give for matchmaking?
In the old days, it was customary for a girl to give gifts to her future mother-in-law and the groom's relatives. beautiful scarves or shawls, and the father-in-law and other relatives - cuts of linen for shirts.
Nowadays, choosing gifts for the future father-in-law, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and sister-in-law, the bride gets an excellent opportunity to win the favor of new relatives, showing taste and tact.
Of course, not a single woman will refuse a beautiful silk scarf, as well as a man from a branded shirt, but you can come up with something more interesting.
It is better to ask the groom himself about the preferences of each of the future relatives.
However, men are not too attentive, and if the groom can still tell about the tastes of the male part of the family, then the preferences of his mother and sisters are often an unsolvable mystery for him.
So it makes sense to be creative. For example, if there are avid fishermen in the husband's family, some good spinning rod will be a very worthy gift. New mobile phone it is quite suitable for both men and women, especially the brother or sister of the groom.
You can give a future mother-in-law a good perfume. If she has any hobbies, for example, embroidery or floriculture, then a beautiful collector's edition on her favorite topic will surely attract her heart to the side of a caring daughter-in-law.
It is not necessary to give a gift to the groom for matchmaking, on this day it is worth paying attention to the rest of the family members of the future spouse.
Modern matchmaking by the bride. Tribute to customs
Nowadays, of course, the arrival of matchmakers is agreed in advance and are not going to refuse them. However, this is not a reason not to make matchmaking fun and memorable.
How to prepare for marriage?
The goal of matchmaking, from the point of view of the bride's family, is to make the most positive impression on the matchmakers. For this, a little preparatory work must be carried out:
Dowry
Oddly enough, even today in many families the dowry for their daughter has been collected for many years - these are bed linen, towels, various household utensils, dishes.
By the arrival of the matchmakers, it is advisable to pull out or prepare part of the dowry so that there is something to brag about.
Ideally, if among the towels and sheets there is, for example, a tablecloth embroidered by the future wife herself. Like centuries ago, this will make an indelible impression on the future mother-in-law.
treat
Of course get to know the best way possible only for festive table. It is important that the dishes on the table are homemade., preferably branded.
The bride must definitely participate in the process of preparing the treat so that the matchmakers can appreciate her culinary skills.
Speech
Of course, the text on a piece of paper does not need to be written down. But the bride's relatives should know that their task is to praise the bride so that the groom's side has no doubts. Therefore, with the positive aspects of the personality of the future wife, which must be voiced to the matchmakers, it is better to decide in advance.
If the bride does not want her biography to be mentioned or her parents to show her baby photos where she sits on the potty, then it’s better too talk about these things in advance, and not then hiss across the table at mom and dad who got emotional.
Questions
Matchmaking is that rare moment when you can openly ask future relatives about plans for the future, about family traditions or about attitudes toward bad habits.
At the same time, you can find out some details about the groom: find out about his attitude to the family, to children. It is possible that the bride herself did not bother to ask her young man about such mundane things.
Therefore, in order to avoid confusion and not miss the moment, questions addressed to the groom and his parents, it is also better to think over in advance.
Our great-grandmothers at the time of the matchmaking had no right to leave their room at all, and if they did, they were obliged to respectfully remain silent. Now times have changed, and the bride herself can meet guests, but, as in ancient times, modesty and respect for elders will greatly adorn the future wife in the eyes of future relatives.
How to behave
- At the time of the matchmaking, the bride is advised to be more silent, not to ask questions to the groom's parents, not to control the conversation at the table, not to make toasts. Marriageable girl - that's the perfect image.
- Eat less and categorically do not drink alcohol. Instead, take care of filling the guests' plates, clean cutlery and napkins, take away dirty dishes. In general, it's time show yourself as a caring hostess.
- As much as possible respectfully talk to your parents, and not just to the parents of the groom. Do not interrupt them, do not interfere in the conversation.
- Do not show affection for the groom, do not kiss him in front of his parents, even if the bride and groom have been living together for several years by the time of the matchmaking.
- Don't brag and don't brag. This process must be properly organized so that everything necessary is said by relatives in the right way (see above).
How to look better
Concerning appearance, then here it is necessary to follow the traditions. The bride should be dressed modestly, but tastefully.. This is especially important if the groom's parents see their son's future wife for the first time.
Any aggressive colors and shapes - whether it be a top with rhinestones or sharp false nails - are perceived by the older generation as a manifestation of vulgarity. At the same time, it is important to find the line between not looking too bright, and not seeming simple.
It is also better not to wear expensive and bulky jewelry, it is better to limit yourself to a ring or necklace donated by your future husband.
The dress or skirt must be no higher than the knee. The hairstyle is simple, the makeup is daytime, the manicure is preferably French.
How to prepare for meeting dear guests
If a real matchmaker participates in the matchmaking process, then for sure everything will be fun and interesting.
If the matchmaker is not provided, and the bride does not want the matchmaking to turn into an ordinary feast, she needs to think over various “homemade preparations” by the arrival of the matchmakers - jokes that, at the right time, can be passed off as successful impromptu.
It is good to involve relatives in inventing texts in order to distribute roles together and prepare skits, impromptu, praising the bride and her relatives.
By the end of the evening, the future wife can sing ditties about her chosen one, the purpose of which is to praise him in front of her parents. Surely, both parties will appreciate both such a step and the bride's sense of humor.
Having fun helps strangers get rid of their awkwardness and get to know each other better. The groom's parents praise their child, the girl's parents praise their blood. Although dowry chests are not relevant today, but demonstration of handmade crafts of the bride(embroideries, knitwear, appliqués) will not be superfluous at all.
In a word, a good, fun, smart and creative matchmaking is a wonderful prelude to the creation of a young family.
Many wedding traditions, which our ancestors observed, now seem to us ridiculous and ridiculous. And marriage is not a necessity for a long time, but a joint and necessarily voluntary desire of two lovers.
Matchmaking is considered the beginning of preparation for the wedding. The ceremony of asking for the hand and heart of the bride is a truly touching and unforgettable event. But some newlyweds refuse such a tradition, considering it a relic of the past. Yet for many couples, matchmaking means getting to know the parents of future spouses. Young people are trying to modernize the event, to make a holiday out of it. So, how to woo the groom in our time? What should I say?
Future spouse in the spotlight
On the day of the matchmaking, a great responsibility lies with the groom, who must come to the bride's parental home and prove himself with better side. Traditionally future husband comes to dinner with flowers and symbolic gifts. There must be two bouquets: for the beloved and for her mother. As a present, a box of chocolates, champagne or good wine is suitable.
Matchmaking customs from ancestors
An ancient tradition has come down to our days, following which matchmakers brought with them a loaf on a towel. The future wife carefully cut the cake and served it to all the guests, starting with the parents. This meant that she agreed to the marriage. Bread must be eaten to the crumbs so that the family is strong and happy. Then the same towel was used at the wedding, when parents blessed their children. Nowadays, this towel is preserved and passed down from generation to generation as a family heirloom.
Established modern traditions
What to say next to the groom and matchmakers at the matchmaking? During dinner, in order to dilute the official conversation, they sometimes arrange comic checks on the bride and groom. Matchmakers from the groom's side ask the bride questions that are not devoid of humor regarding her thriftiness. The bride should respond in the same manner. The bride's parents then "torture" the groom. Jokes and general laughter bring future relatives closer, establishing warm relations between them.
Speaking about how matchmaking is going on in our time, it should be mentioned that it often happens that both parties have known each other for a long time, but nevertheless, honoring Slavic traditions decided to hold a marriage ceremony. In this case, families resolve issues related to the preparation and holding of a wedding celebration: they set a date, distribute responsibilities, discuss the menu, the venue for the banquet, etc.
Of course, the modern groom is obliged to make sure that joyful moments are captured on a photo or video camera. The first pictures of the official future family will become living memories of that happy day.
A modern person, keeping up with the times, sometimes, for a change, wants to resort to the way and traditions of previous generations. For those who are going to get married, the process of matchmaking of the bride will definitely seem interesting: how it was many years ago, and how it can be adapted and beaten in our realities. Modern matchmaking by the bride is a ritual, a tribute to tradition. The decision to get married is taken by the future spouses alone. With families, as a rule, the diplomatic and financial part of the issue is resolved. In the old days, the picture was significantly different.
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The role of the bride and groom in the ceremony of matchmaking
Earlier in Rus', a young man often first he decided to start a family, and only after that he chose the lucky one. It was not uncommon for a potential bride to be unprepared for the happiness that befell her until the day of the matchmaking.
In the ceremony of courtship on the part of the bride, the role of the girl was passive - she could sit all evening in her room without showing herself to the groom. The matchmakers negotiated with the parents, watched and evaluated the bride's dowry. The girl could only be called to demonstrate her skills in housekeeping, cleaning, and cooking. The bride had to meekly obey, silently show her skills and again retire to the waiting room.
If the bride was good at weaving, sewing or embroidering, then she was wearing clothes of her own production, emphasizing the dignity of her figure, but not defiant.
In the dowry chest, the groom must have seen tablecloths, towels, napkins made by the skillful hands of his chosen one for arranging their future joint life. On the evening of the matchmaking, the girl could also be asked to demonstrate how she sews, embroiders, sweeps floors or cooks, in order to make sure that she really knows how to do all this and that her parents do not embellish her virtues. At the same time, the parents were obliged to praise their daughter, admire the work done and, looking ahead, describe to the groom how good it would be for him to live with such an economic wife. The groom, based on the external data of the girl and her abilities, concluded whether she was suitable for him as a wife or not at all. The latter rarely happened, but if the girl’s family could not adequately present the goods during the matchmaking, then the groom could well back down, there was a special system of signs for this - he turned out from the offered dishes and drinks, could demonstrate in every possible way that he was treated tastelessly and did not finish the offered drinks.
With a successful combination of circumstances and mutual sympathy of all participants in the matchmaking, at the end of the event, the bride's parents gave their consent to the wedding, and from now on, the guy and the girl became the bride and groom. Today, marriage is not a very common phenomenon. Parents are confronted with a fact, and then all future relatives are shown to each other in turn in different combinations. The most common scenario of matchmaking by the bride, when first the groom comes to visit the bride's parents, then the bride is coming visit the groom's parents, and only then do the parents get to know each other and begin to discuss organizational wedding issues. If you want to add an element of tradition to the dating procedure, the main thing is not to overdo it.
If future newlyweds and their parents are still don't know each other very well, then the game action, passing according to the scenario, can produce the opposite effect to the expected one. In order to observe traditions and not lose face, it is enough to use only generally acceptable details of the matchmaking protocol:
- The date and time of the wedding should be agreed in advance. The bride checks with her parents when it is most convenient for them to receive the groom with matchmakers. It is considered impolite to combine matchmaking with other holidays and events.
- The composition of the participants also needs to be agreed. The groom may come not alone, but with a friend or with one of the relatives, worthy in the groom's opinion, to be introduced to the bride's parents.
- In the house of the bride's parents, they should be met only by the parents and next of kin who live with their parents. On this day, a girl should not invite friends, grandmothers, aunts and other relatives who want to meet her chosen one to the house.
- Marriage means a feast, that is, the bride and her parents need to carefully consider how they will treat the groom and matchmakers.
The menu should be generous, with enough alcohol.
Non-alcoholic vegetarian buffets are not welcome and can be understood by the groom and matchmakers as a desire to demonstrate their superiority or simply the incompatibility of the current way of life of the bride with what the groom is going to offer her.
out of place. Depending on the temperature and season, any loose-fitting dress will do. Dressing up this evening is also perceived well. The bride can meet matchmakers in more elegant dress, and for the hassle of changing dishes, can change into something suitable. Sports suit and dressing gowns are strictly prohibited. Jeans are also not recommended. If, after the feast, the bride wants to change clothes to more elegant ones, then she should not dress in the same dress in which she met the guests. Officially, the girl changed her social status, becoming a bride, which means that she needs to change her outfit.If everything went well
With a successful combination of circumstances, after such an event, the happy groom leaves with the matchmakers, and the bride remains at her parents' house. Even if they have not lived together for a long time, the girl can still stay to help. 
parents to clean up after the feast and discuss how they find her future husband. Adhering to customs, after the matchmaking on the part of the bride, the girl should meet the groom's parents. Unfortunately, on this responsible and, as a rule, psychologically stressful evening, the girl will not be able to hold a support group at the groom's house. The only thing that can help is a small gift for the future mother-in-law. You should not get excited, gold - no one gives diamonds, and some kind of designer accessory, scarf or shawl is quite acceptable.
You should be guided not by your own taste, but by the taste of the chosen one's mother. A girl who is not yet familiar with her future mother-in-law can ask mutual friends what her future mother-in-law loves.
The words of a man should not be trusted, he is not always able to adequately express his mother's preferences. A gift can also be related to the household and the interior, the main thing is not to impose your tastes, but try to adapt to the owners of the house. Flowers for the hostess and good mood are also required.
Dinner at a restaurant with the groom, bride and their parents can complete the chain of acquaintances. Then you can start discussing the general organizational issues of the upcoming ceremony. Even if the future newlyweds are not very sentimental, following a certain behavioral protocol is sure to lay the foundation for their new strong family with their own traditions and way of life.
We offer you to watch the video of the matchmaking from the side of the bride:
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Despite the fact that over the course of life, many customs and traditions are forgotten and become unnecessary, such a ritual as matchmaking remains in demand to this day. Only after him do they begin to prepare for the wedding commotion. At the matchmaking, future relatives get to know each other, the young couple receives a blessing for marriage.
All pressing issues related to the organization of the celebration are resolved at the festive table. The groom should come to the engagement party with gifts. An unexpected addition to the ring and a bouquet of flowers for the bride can be a wedding cake for matchmaking, as in the photo.
Matchmaking is a very exciting, but at the same time a pleasant event in the life of every girl who dreams of marriage.
In order for everything to go without a flaw and annoying overlays, it is imperative to agree on the date of the event. If the matchmakers come without warning like snow on their heads, the bride's parents are unlikely to like it. Still, it is better to conduct negotiations at a festively set table with plentiful treats than to embarrass future relatives with your unexpected visit, taking them by surprise.
The first rule of successful matchmaking is to agree in advance on the date and time of the conspiracy. Such a decision will help the girl’s family to prepare in advance and meet the matchmakers without losing face. The bride should be directly involved in the preparation of dishes for the festive feast.
It will be very handy to find out what favorite foods the groom's parents have and treat them to these dishes, earning respect and gratitude from future mothers-in-law, showing how she knows how to cook. As a rule, the mother of the groom is always very jealous of what hands her adored son will fall into.
Therefore, a plentiful treat and respectful attitude on the part of the daughter-in-law will be a huge plus, they will show her thriftiness and worthy upbringing.
What is included in the duties of the bride at the matchmaking:
- preparation and beautiful serving of festive dishes (for this, it is enough to look at the corresponding pictures on the Internet);
- a virtuous attitude towards both the groom's relatives and members of his family;
- do not express dissatisfaction with the organization of the wedding, if something is not to your liking in the decision of the older generation, it is better to wait for permission and correctly enter your wishes regarding the celebration;
- keep order on the table, changing dirty, empty dishes in time, replenishing carafes with drinks and plates of snacks;
- do not show excessive tenderness towards the groom - kisses and hugs are not appropriate in this case.
It is not customary to invite many guests to matchmaking, the tradition of celebrating this event magnificently, like a wedding, is long gone.
Today, the presence of parents on both sides, the heroes of the occasion, as well as their godparents, is enough. Treating matchmakers simply must be generous with both snacks and alcohol.
This has been the custom since ancient times, it speaks of a respectful attitude towards future relatives. By the time the guests arrive, plates with meat and vegetable cuts, vases of fruit, saucers with a variety of canapés, assorted pickles are already on the table. From drinks, fruit drinks, juices are welcome, from intoxicants - champagne without fail, wine, vodka, etc.
After the main words are spoken by the matchmakers and consent is received from the bride's parents, they start the meal. The bride, with the help of her mother, serves hot meat dishes. Guests should note her efforts by praising the hostess.
The girl should modestly accept the praises of future relatives.
What dishes to cook - ideas
Still, matchmaking is a holiday for all participants of the event, so you definitely need to think over the menu of the feast and prepare dishes that are more suitable for the occasion. Meals should be prepared easily, simply and quickly enough. Otherwise, the host party at the time of the holiday will be exhausted by household chores and everything that happens will no longer be a joy.
Sample menu for matchmaking:
- Meat, cheese, fish and vegetable cuts.
- Sandwiches with caviar.
- Canape of pickles.
- Fruit plate.
- Pots with meat, mushrooms and potatoes under a cheese crust.
- Meat nests with corn, bell peppers and green peas.
- Juicy minced pork and bacon rolls with mustard sauce.
Recipe for Meat Nests:
- 1 kg pork meat with fat;
- 1 onion;
- 1 slice of white bread;
- ½ tbsp milk;
- 1 potato;
- 1 egg.
Pork is cut into pieces and passed through a meat grinder. In the same way, a bun soaked in milk, peeled potatoes, and onions are crushed. An egg is driven into the resulting mass, salt, pepper and other spices are added to taste. After that, everything is thoroughly mixed until smooth.
Cutlets are formed from minced meat, making depressions in the middle. Meat nests are placed on a greased baking sheet, in the center of which ½ tsp is placed. green peas, corn and diced red bell pepper.
Having sent it to a preheated oven for 1–1.5 hours, they get tasty, juicy and beautiful cutlets for the holiday.
For snack canapes you will need:
- pickled mushrooms, ideally it is better to take small mushrooms;
- Cherry tomatoes;
- canned cobs of young corn.
On special skewers, young corn, tomato and champignon cap are placed in random order.
Great easy option and savory snacks.
How to choose a cake
The feast ends with a tea party when all agreements have been reached and you can just enjoy a cup of coffee or tea with a piece of delicious cake.
It is great if the pastries are homemade. For example, the future mother-in-law decides to pamper everyone with her signature homemade cake, the recipe of which she will then pass on to her daughter, so that she also treats her family with a delicious dessert.
Of course, it is desirable to decorate the cake according to the theme of the event. great idea will draw on its surface with a yellow or golden cream wedding rings, pink - depict two hearts and write: “I will give my daughter in marriage to good hands! If the groom brings the cake, then there are also a lot of options to make sweet gift with "flavor". For example, on the top cake you can write the same question: “Will you marry me?”, And two words: “Yes” and “No”.
The bride should cut out the answer piece that she likes.
Here you will see how you can make a marriage proposal with the help of a cake:
The shape of the cake can be completely different, but no one has canceled the romantic mood, and a chocolate-biscuit heart with an ornate inscription "Let's get married?" will definitely add pluses to the treasury of the groom's virtues from the bride's relatives.
When planning to make a marriage proposal, the future spouse can show imagination and be creative in this process. Having ordered an original confectionery masterpiece for matchmaking, containing a topical issue, you can not be afraid to be refused. After all, such an extravagant way to marry a bride absolutely deserves the answer "YES!" I wonder if they came to you with such a cake, what would be the answer?
Come in guests
dear to the house,
Take your seat
At the festive table.
bride treat
Cooked for the matchmakers
We hope to taste
You will need it.
We will listen to matchmakers
And we will decide
Is it worth the bride
Give to the groom.
But the main decision
Let love take
And the girl agreed
Let the guy answer.
We give away our beauty
Today we are the groom
Everyone, they got the girl,
We know for sure - to be good.
We want to wish the guys
Happiness, peace and love,
To walk the glorious path
Friendly, they are fun.
We are very happy to meet the groom,
To our liking - handsome, smart and kind,
Calm, so strong is his hand,
Their house with the bride will be reliable.
We give blessings on this day
Love hard in happiness and patience.
The hand of a smart beauty
The groom was promised
you a beautiful girl
IN new family gave away.
We only wish you happiness
Live richly and happily
Let family life be
Joyful, always beautiful.
Take care of our princess
Live together like in a fairy tale!
Let your beautiful life be
Give each other tenderness, affection!
May the Lord bless you
Your union will be indestructible!
Let the heart beat joyfully
After all, every moment will be happy!
The merchant seems to be strong, and smart, and handsome, and important, but we will capture our beauty only when your good fellow promises to take care of her all his life, to cherish and cherish, blow off the dust from her, love with all his heart and always only please. If so, let the children be happy.
Well, since you have come to woo, so be so kind as to promise that our beautiful girl will always be in good hands, in strong hugs and under true protection from all adversity. May your well done always love and take care of his beloved, may God send them the opportunity to become the happiest and live wonderful family life without sadness and anxiety.
A glorious groom wooed us,
Look how the bride blossomed!
We are very happy for the young
Love took them into sweet captivity!
Congratulations to everyone on your marriage!
Young love leads to the crown,
We will dance and sing at the wedding,
Let this day come soon!
We are getting married
You came to us for a bride,
We are touched and glad
After all, the groom is so wonderful,
We'll be born with you soon
Our children will be together
We will become one family
The most friendly on the planet!
A short
Here, groom, your bride,
But not yet a wife!
Let everything be honest with you -
It's time for you to get married!
