I want to live alone but not with anyone. Women's choice: live alone or with a man
Toothpaste with bleach or without? Apartment with park view or without? Life with or without a man? It is easier for girls of the 21st century to make decisions on their own, as well as to find a way out of the most difficult situations. The phrase "You are alone, because young man it’s not easy to find, there are few of them, you don’t attract anyone, there are no worthy ones ”does not sound very convincing to them. Do you recognize yourself?
Psychologists and trainers of interpersonal relations have long explained: if a woman wants a relationship and is ready for them, a man will appear in her life, and very quickly. Many who dreamed of finding a couple took courses like “Five Steps to Meeting a Partner”, after which they found out that it was not at all difficult to start an affair, if there was a desire. But here's the problem with desire. It's time to ask yourself: do you really want to be with a man, or is your conscious choice - loneliness?
It should be noted that the right to choose is given modern girl not so easy. All around us swarm advisers and evaluators who want to confuse and suggest how to live. From the screens, on the air of programs like “Let's get married!” demands are pouring into something
did not create a couple: "A woman should be attached!" But who exactly should?
Recently, having completed an unsuccessful romance, my friend Lena, instead of a new groom, was looking for a new
an apartment in which she dreamed of forgetting about dirty socks in the corners and daily dinners of three meat courses. “I sincerely wanted to be alone, because the previous relationship burst due to everyday life. A man in the house requires a lot of effort, leaving no time for other interests, ”she complained. Lena wanted to devote time to massage, manicure, cinema and meetings with her friends. As luck would have it, the owner of the apartment she liked stated unceremoniously: “You know, single girls make me suspicious, I hope
you think about marriage. Lena indignantly rejected this "tempting" option. “It wasn’t enough to arrange a personal life in order to earn the trust of the landlord,” she snorted. But people who are used to thinking in stereotypes still find it difficult to understand how a girl can feel good without a man. It turns out that it can, and how! Books, movies, and even a quiet morning in the kitchen can be more interesting than an evening together. “The craving for life without a partner does not mean that a lonely person is an evil, unfortunate bastard,” says the artist Ksenia Larina, who has been living alone for 15 years and does not suffer at all. - It just says that you respect your own and other people's space. For example, do you want to walk around the apartment with an unwashed head in a stretched T-shirt without embarrassment; you can afford not to wash the dishes for weeks.” As for the aching feeling of loneliness, which many are so afraid of, according to Ksenia (and she is one hundred percent right in this), it does not correlate with the presence of people around: a person can feel longing in an apartment full of close relatives.
Psychologist Natalya Georgieva, President of Workline Group, agrees with Ksenia and confirms that among her clients there are many successful women who love to be alone: “We are endlessly imposed stereotypes and standards that make us ashamed of our freedom. To admit that you like loneliness is simply indecent! But strong, independent girls defend their right and do not allow anyone into their lives. And the point here is not in the desire for loneliness, but in the integrity, maturity and self-sufficiency of the individual.
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However, there are other reasons why girls refuse to share their lives with someone else. Unfortunately, they are far from the definition of "happiness and independence." For example, the belief that "no one likes me", "my parents do not approve of my boyfriends." The danger is that from the outside, these arguments also look reasonable, but in fact they are only the result of self-deception.
At the closed door
“Is it normal to feel a strong desire to live alone?” - with such a question, I turned to professionals studying interpersonal relationships. Leading women's training Devi Evseeva spoke about her experience: coming to her trainings on femininity, girls often say that they want to be soft and attractive, but not for the sake of men, but simply for themselves. Their words command respect. However, literally after a couple of sessions, the opinion of the clients changes: it turns out that in fact the participants are very
you need male attention, but they don't know how to get it. Why were these women not aware of their needs before?
When we can’t build relationships for a long time, we often convince ourselves that “we didn’t really want to.” The conviction is so sincere that we begin to believe in it sacredly and even come up with appropriate roles for ourselves, for example, an introvert, who, by definition, should strive for loneliness. But such an imaginary introvert is easy to figure out by his favorite phrase "I'd rather be alone, because ...", followed by several options: "Because all men cheat", "Because they are all stupid." All this, according to psychologists, is an excuse not to notice the real situation. And it consists in the fact that the girl has problems that need to be solved.
One of my acquaintances, a financier named Elena, a rare lucky in her career, stepped from a dull Moscow office straight into the Paris office of a large company. But in her personal life, she is not capable of change. When I wonder what exactly is wrong in the next
fan, why the relationship did not work out again, she answers the same thing: "He can't multiply three-digit numbers in his mind." To my question about who even knows how to multiply them, she just shrugs her shoulders, continuing to diagnose men quite aggressively: "dementia." Can she live with one of these? No way! Of course, it's better to be alone. This is where the cunning lies: the girl accuses men of not being worthy of her, thus covering up her aggression towards them. Of course, we all want perfect companions who will love, adore and live up to our every expectation. If not, they are ready to be left alone, just not to compromise. The trick is that the partner does not really want to take care of us and comply if we start getting acquainted with claims about the multiplication table or accusations of underdevelopment of the intellect. Answering the question “Why are wonderful girls lonely?”, Coach, psychologist and well-known blogger Stéphane Laborissere urges women to pay attention to this very moment: “You will not like what I have to say, but I will be extremely frank. Often women begin communication with men with claims, with a sour expression on their faces, after which they wonder why they cannot find right person. Sometimes they hide their negative attitude to the world behind the masks of "diva", "know-it-all" or "stylish little thing". Men do not refuse sex with them, but they are in no hurry to build relationships. Exit? Get rid of the masks.
Who is guilty
The image of an iron lady who does not need anyone, or a victim who is not worthy of love, are masks that you should part with without regrets and just understand that you are an ordinary girl striving for happiness. The second advice given by experts is to find a place for a man in your life. “It doesn’t matter if you are an introvert or an extrovert, everyone wants a relationship,” says Devi Evseeva. - But it happens that it is more difficult for closed girls to let a partner into their space. I once asked a client who really wanted to find a man if there was a place for her beloved in her house. She resolutely answered “No!”, because she has a small apartment and every thing should lie in its place. “How will you live when a man appears?” I asked. “I’ll move in with him,” was the answer. But if you don't have a place for him, why should he have a place for you?" Work on relationships should begin with changes in personal space, personal not only in the meaning of “home”, but also “soul”.
My friend Olga went down this path. At 28, she found herself alone with a child, but did not rush headlong to look for a new man, but took a break to figure it out. It turned out that ex-spouse Olga choked with care and attention, making him the center of the universe and losing her own personality against his background. The man simply could not stand such a sacrifice. Now Olga deliberately avoids men, because she tries to love herself, find hobbies, interests and favorite work. She is sure that she will want a relationship again when she is satisfied with her own life.
Someone will call it selfishness, but psychologist Natalya Georgieva strongly recommends not to confuse selfishness and self-sufficiency: “Love for yourself is not narcissism, but work on your shortcomings. This is how a whole personality is formed, capable of adequately assessing its light and dark sides. According to Natalia, having passed this way, a person becomes interesting to others. Paradox: people who truly love and appreciate their loneliness are very rarely lonely.
One of the markers of latent depression is involuntary suicidal thoughts. Outwardly, everything is fine, but life seems disgusting: “I can’t and don’t want to live. I'm rage!" people, weather, own child. Everything that used to bring pleasure, causes hatred. Where do these thoughts come from throughout life?
Every day is a struggle with gravity. The sticky jelly of everyday life stretches endlessly without taste, smell or color. Without meaning. And in my head an obsessive fly is spinning one thought: I don’t want to live. What's the use of moving your paws, if in this life you are a meaningless element of the background? And yes, no power...
Stop! It's not about wanting or not wanting. There is no such choice. Man - this is WANT. The human psyche is one hundred percent made up of desires, or rather, of voids that need to be filled. I do not want to live - a semantic error of intelligence.
Therefore, it is important to figure out what WANT we formulate through this DON'T WANT.
Without happiness life is unbearable
Many authors express the opinion that thoughts of suicide at least once in a lifetime occur to everyone. This is not true. At the training System-Vector Psychology» Yuri Burlan reveals in detail the features of the perception of life, depending on the characteristics of the mental structure of a person.
So, only a person with a sound vector, when he does not want to live, implies a direct meaning.
Of course, anyone can express the idea of unwillingness to live in a hopeless situation or in conditions that are completely unsatisfactory. But this will not be a thought about striving to end one's earthly path, but about changing one's life, about the lack of happiness.
For example:
I can't live without a specific person;
Tired of fighting with circumstances, no strength for life, apathy;
I no longer want to live in such conditions.
Even in the most difficult case, when such thoughts are associated with the death of a dear person and further life is not possible, as they say, time heals. Gradually, life is getting better, little joys appear. If the loss is experienced correctly, a bright memory of the departed person remains.
Such experiences are typical for over-emotional owners of the visual vector. In the range from “scared to death” to “and it’s not scary to die,” a statement about unwillingness to live is an indicator of emotional intensity.
This is a serious condition that inevitably leads to physical illness. If you do not understand its nature and do not track it in time, apathy and fears may develop. As a renunciation of life in the visual vector, a ban on feelings can arise.
I don't want to live and there's no one to tell
I'm ten. If I tell one of my classmates that I don’t like living, they will twist a finger at my temple. It’s scary for my family to stutter that I want to die. And so everyone considers it strange, they will send you to the doctor.
I am twenty. Why me?! Is he mocking me? Punishes or prepares for something? I studied everything that was available from philosophy, psychology, religion, esotericism. And I didn't find an answer. It hurts - but I also want to enjoy life! I want to love, do interesting things, build a house, plant a tree… Lord, who am I kidding?! Such nonsense...
I'm thirty. It has long taken place in this world and even consider myself successful. And still no one to admit that I do not want to live. I don't see the point. Occasionally I emerge to the surface, grab a sip of happy illusion and return to my colorless reality again: “Hello, depression friend, only you understand me.”
I'm forty. If you look at old photographs, obviously, life was filled with events, bright meetings and travels. But… as if she passed by. Or have I gone through life like a carnival procession? Alone at someone else's party. The holiday continues. But how did it all go wrong...
I am fifty. When will this finally end?
Where do these thoughts come from throughout life?
I don't want to live without meaning
Meaning of life. The idea of the universe. For the owner of the sound vector, these are the points of concentration of thought. More often unconsciously, he searches for Meaning in science, music or foreign languages. He expresses his lack with the question: "What is the point?" And he answers himself: "Nothing makes sense." A modern sound engineer often writes philosophical notes, trying to formulate an answer to his own unasked questions. His greatest desire is to understand: "Who am I?" His gift is to express new ideas, abstract meanings in a word.
But while his answer is “There is no point”, life seems to be an obsessive illusion. The sound engineer does not want to live in an illusory world that brings only suffering. He feels himself lost between the worlds - and none of them are waiting for him.
The perception of reality by the owner of the sound vector is radically different from the perception of reality by other people. Any other does not separate his Self from the physical body, but the sound engineer perceives the body as a temporary refuge for the eternal soul. His suicidal thoughts do not mean the destruction of his "I". He mistakenly assumes the possibility of finding the answer in the other world.
It must be understood that the vast majority of sound engineers who do not want to live are not aware of their desires and peculiarities of their worldview. They are in an eternal search for “no one knows what”, often sorting through all the “altered states of consciousness” available in this world. . The constant desire to sleep is replaced by exhausting insomnia, obsessive thoughts and monologues block the ability to think adequately. My head is pounding from the constant tension. Life itself seems to hurt.
I do not want to live: thoughts from which you can not hide
The candles flickered, threatening total darkness. Thoughts continued to rush about, invariably returning to one topic: “Kitchen ones are stupid. Will not work. It will be painful, long and stupid. No romance."
“What the hell is going through your head?! - The water had cooled down for a long time, but I didn’t want to get out of the bath. - If you don't move, it's not so cold. And the head does not crack much, while motionless ... "
The candles went out, leaving a characteristic aroma with a slight touch of spices. “Like in the church… And if there really is a hell? Or is hell here? Or maybe you will have to turn into some kind of muck again. Or I'll hang in last moment for eternity ... Eternal cold, pain and all this carousel with bells, in which you don’t want to live.
The distant slam of the neighbor's door on the landing exploded in the brain with a sharp flash of new pain, scattered thoughts, leaving only one desire - to quickly end the endless and senseless suffering. But even for this, you need to make an effort to get up, again go out into the light that burns your eyes ... And for some more time force yourself to live.
Thoughts do not leave, burning out the brain. How to get rid of them?
I love life, but she doesn't love me
One of the markers of latent depression is involuntary suicidal thoughts. Outwardly, everything is fine, but life seems disgusting: “I can’t and don’t want to live. I'm rage!" People, weather, own child. Everything that used to bring pleasure, causes hatred. It seems that if you change just a few factors, life will get better. This happens when sound depression is hidden behind the manifestations of other vectors.
Thousands of results prove that in any situation you can change "I don't want to live" to "I love you, life!".
“After a few sessions, I caught myself thinking or feeling, I don’t even know what to call it, but I noticed that for some time I just didn’t think about death ... I forgot about these thoughts. They just stopped coming to my mind... It was so strange... So unusual... THEY JUST STOP COMING TO MY HEAD!
Realizing this, of course I was happy) I don’t want to die anymore! I know why I live! I know that there is meaning in life, but there is no meaning in death!”
“In the process of learning, my consciousness began to clear up. The emotional state began to change. I came out of this state of vacuum, from a state of nothing, from not wanting anything. No more thoughts - I'm tired, I'm tired of everything, I don't want anything. I don't let myself get stuck in my thoughts. I introduce the principle: "Did the job - think boldly!".
There was some sobriety of thinking. The tension, the feeling of powerlessness and emptiness is gone. There is no more this causeless anger and irritation. I was terribly afraid of life, the future, and it seems that this fear is receding. It's like I came out of a deep coma. It became easier to climb.
My facial expression has changed. There was a mime. I became outwardly emotional. The mood improved, and the desire for life began to wake up ... "
The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»I immediately apologize if my problem seems far-fetched (sometimes worse, 100 percent), but for me it is important. I am 31 years old. An apartment, a car and other benefits of civilization have been earned, in general a good career has been built. A little over a year ago I got married. But now I am very much tormented by the fact that it was, in my opinion, a big mistake. My husband is very good, kind, caring, with his own shortcomings (and who doesn’t have them?!), but I don’t feel comfortable living with a family ... I get very annoyed by everything. It seems to me that I do not know how to love (endure, adapt, "build a family"). Conversations about divorce are popping up more and more often ... It already seems to me that this is some kind of game "who wins ..", but this is wrong! To my arguments that I want to live alone and everything is still ahead of him, he only says - I am your husband and I love only you and we will be together, I will make you happy, etc .. Etc ... I see how he tries. And I even evaluate it in my own way from the outside (oh, what a fine fellow he is!), But I don’t need all this. I want to live alone. It has already reached apathy ... We live like neighbors (I tried to extinguish this desire for loneliness and tried to adapt, but loving people do they live like this? I conclude that I do not love him as a man. I love you as a person). But most importantly, I don't want to love anyone. Not only him... And I don't care if it's right or not. They didn’t tell my parents anything (why upset. They were so happy at the wedding for us ... They adore my husband), but I’m ready to tell them already ... Why should I “stuff” my Wishlist somewhere ... One life and spend I'm tired of her to fight... First, study, career, apartment..now family... Tired of everything. I want happiness. But I see happiness in the fact that I will live alone with a cat / dog (I don’t want people next to me). I'll be really good. Background before the wedding, if it helps: from 22 to 28 I was in cohabitation with another person (dragged everything on myself, waited for the call to marry, loved / tolerated / built a career / ennobled the house), but then a petty quarrel with his mother put I packed my things and left ... I suffered that he did not follow me (but there his mother tried to steer everyone), and then ... Then she went into a career. She worked like a wolf for about a year. Suitors appeared .. and even the former came with a "ring / knee". But I was no longer interested .... But then my future husband... he was very persistent ... and in every possible way entertained / sought me out (and in the end, all my friends / relatives nodded in his direction from such a fairy tale - this is him! He!! Loves !!! Wants a family !! Everything for you And it's time for you to get married already, because you are old!!.. And in the end, he is upset and I am sure that I love him (I saw your eyes, you are happy!! Etc ..), I am in apathy "We are both suffering. Parents and friends don't know yet. I know that only I am to blame! But what should I do in this situation - I don't know!??! I'll be glad for advice. that from the very beginning everyone was expecting children (and we too), but the "stork" flies by. And I don't want children anymore! - confusion in the head.
4 pieces of advice were received - consultations from psychologists, to the question: I want to live alone always
Hello. Maria. I suppose so. If his mother managed the first relationship, then the guy was dependent and infantile. it’s easy with someone who is worse than you. Now the man is worthy and correct. Mature. And you are not used to such warmth and gratitude. reaction-indifference to him, dislike. And unwillingness to have children. With him, you will have an unconscious threat of being abandoned, because, unconsciously, you are worse, and he may be disappointed in you. Yes, you can leave. , and, probably, you need to live for three years alone. But I think it’s important to work with a psychologist. To overcome the mess and discover your inner fears of failure. As soon as the unconscious fear of a man disappears, you will become comfortable in a couple. But, not now. Ask for help if you decide. I can help.
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist of the psychoanalytic school Volgograd
Good answer 7 bad answer 6Hello Maria!
You have the right to live the way you feel comfortable. If you want loneliness now, then it is important for you to get it and enjoy it to the fullest. Only then will you be able to either finally affirm that you are a loner, or consciously want a family and a child. Otherwise, you will still spend all your strength and energy on striving for loneliness.
But a few years ago you were ready to live in marriage. Perhaps the desire to live alone is a defensive reaction against the pain you experienced in a previous relationship. In addition, you need to deal with your emotional program, laid down in childhood, in the parental family. It follows from your letter that you are attracted to "mama's boys", and devoted, loving, caring men do not cause strong feelings.
Finally, everything can be sorted out only at an individual consultation. If you need help, come.
Stolyarova Marina Valentinovna, psychologist-consultant, St. Petersburg
Good answer 7 bad answer 0Hello Maria!
Of course, you have the right to live as you see fit. It is felt from your message that you are successful and quite confident in yourself. But if this did not bother you, you would not have written here. live, you are worried.
You write:
It seems to me that I do not know how to love (endure, adapt, "build a family")
But in every woman initially, nature has a huge supply of love, which she gives to loved ones, relatives, children, acquaintances, neighbors ... And when she knows how to do it and does it, it comes back to her ...
One gets the impression that you do not want to live according to "gender", so the following appeared in the list of your achievements:
An apartment, a car and other benefits of civilization, in general, a good career has been built
A man appeared nearby who loves you, but you feel with him as if on an equal footing and in a male role:
It already seems to me that this is some kind of game "who wins ..", but it's wrong!
Everything that happens in our life happens for us, these are our lessons. A lesson has come to you on the ability to love, give, give warmth, attention, affection and care. And for this, mental strength is also needed. Building relationships is hard work. Building relationships from the female side is a daily and round-the-clock work.
Maria! You don't have to blame yourself. You have the right to decide how to live. If there is a mood, listen to lectures by O.G. Tosunov about a happy family life, R. Narushevich about the relationship between a man and a woman (they are freely available).
Love to you and wisdom.
If you need help and desire to understand, please contact us for advice. I will be happy to help you.
Psychologist Nikulina Marina, St. Petersburg. Consultations in person, skype
Good answer 7 bad answer 2Maria, have you definitely decided that the family should look like this? Those requirements that you make to yourself - are they exactly what your family needs? Have you become a hostage to your own nit-picking and someone else's picture of family life?
I tried to extinguish this desire for loneliness
A person needs loneliness and personal space in marriage too. You just need to talk about it with your partner and decide how much time you need for yourself and your loneliness. Who told you that a family is when people are constantly glued to each other? When glued, it's an addiction.
Have you ever just lived the way you wanted to? Perhaps you often force yourself to follow some goals, and perhaps you even need these goals, but they could be achieved more calmly, more slowly, with less demands on yourself, as they say, "without driving" .... Who forces you all the time to chase after something and something to match? Constantly run and live in tension?
Family is a place where a person can be himself. Think - what exactly does your husband not accept about you? Or maybe you yourself do not accept it? You force yourself to conform to the image of the "ideal wife", but you do not like this image in your soul. And that in the family you can be yourself - they did not teach this. And it turns out "or be perfect and drive constantly" or "burn it with all the blue flame, I want to be always alone." And the middle in this can be, what do you think?
And I don't care if it's right or not.
Perhaps everything that is happening now is a protest against correctness, against "as it should be", etc.? But it doesn't have to mean "quit everything". I think you should first figure out where you have inside "how it should be", and where "how I want", and perhaps in your "how I want" there will still be a place for relationships.
Think about how all these "right" things form in our heads: http://psyhelp24.org/choice/
and in every possible way entertained / sought me out (and in the end, all girlfriends / relatives nodded in his direction from such a fairy tale - this is him! He!! Loves !!! Wants a family !! Everything for you !!! Yes, and it's time to get married already, because age!!..
If you understand that you got married only under the pressure of the family and that very “correct” way of life, then yes, you are unlikely to be able to live with this person for a long time and seriously, because it was not YOU who chose him, but someone for you.
And one more thing: the stumbling block may be the fact that from the very beginning everyone was expecting children (and we too), but the "stork" flies by. And I don't want kids anymore! (I wanted to, I don’t want to ... horror!)..
Perhaps you also wanted children because it was “right”, but as soon as it started to fail, your psyche nevertheless began to show you that in fact there is no such desire yet ...
In general, this mechanism is quite well-known: first, a person is instilled with "how to live correctly", he begins to believe in it, and then conflicts begin inside: it seems, he lives "as it is right", and instead of joy, there is only pain and suffering inside .... And it turns out that you need to find out what you need.
And to find out, you need to learn to listen to yourself.
http://psyhelp24.org/kak-nauchitsya-chuvstvovat/ - how feelings are involved
http://psyhelp24.org/dushevnaya-bol/ - how people drive themselves into a corner with plans and expectations
http://psyhelp24.org/mne-len-ya-ne-hochu/ how to distinguish your "I want" from someone else's "must"
Perhaps you, having realized yourself at least in the first approximation, look at your marriage differently. Or maybe you decide to stop playing a role if there was nothing else besides the role.
I just want to say that personal space does not imply a rejection of relationships, and the relationships themselves are built only the way TWO want and no one has the right to impose on them how to be a family and what rules to introduce there.
But with whom and when you will build such a relationship in which nothing will "strangle" you and you will feel like yourself and be free - this, apparently, only you yourself can decide.
Sincerely, Nesvitsky A.M., skype consultations
Good answer 8 bad answer 1If you are a desperate bachelor, then we have good news for you, which you will learn about right now. What is the matter, you ask? Because you're a lucky son of a bitch, 'cause living together, which seems like such a holiday to you, is not as good as you think. Happy couples are mammoths of the relationship world who are afraid to even think that they made the wrong choice. Opinion polls, which are regularly conducted in the States, only confirm our idea. Of course, we don’t want to drive you into the idea that living well is. We just want to help you relax if you suddenly feel sad about your retreat. Let's help with a word, and you help yourself with a deed.
You are responsible for your happiness
People in a relationship often expect their partner to meet their shared needs. That is, they see themselves as a whole, and not as individuals. In the end, everyone scores on their own own desires and that makes us unhappy. We think for two, not for ourselves. In addition, we relieve ourselves of responsibility for happiness, because there is a person nearby who is also responsible for it.
Loneliness radically changes the attitude towards happiness, because there is no woman for whom you can hide. Are you more concerned about your well-being mental state, work, hobbies, small pleasures. That is, everything that pleases you in life, you choose yourself. No need to think for another person, no need to find "something in common." You just do what makes you happy.
You say: "How can you be happy without a girl?". And we will answer that being happy alone is real. But to be happy in bad relationship It's sort of like "mission impossible".
You will be more successful at work
There are many factors that influence how you work. If a girl is waiting for you at home, then the last part of the working day is unimportant - you try to do everything in time, score on details, treat work like a pig. And that's half the trouble. When you are constrained by relationships, then mobility is lost. You can't just pick up and quit your old job and drive off to New York somewhere to start your working life over again. If you think that your girlfriend will be happy with your career prospects, then you are simply mistaken. You will also have to rely on her desires, which will tell you: “No, we cannot move - I have a family here.” So your song is sung about how you got a great opportunity to get up, but did not do it, because the girl was too attached to the family.
It is also more profitable for an employer to hire bachelors. The fact is that bachelors are more often late at work, which is why they are promoted faster - you can rely on them even on weekends, because no one is waiting for them at home. Sounds sad, but not for career growth.
You have a strong sense of self-worth
Living alone is a test for the individual, which leads to complete autonomy, psychological and physical independence. Lonely people make strong-willed decisions more often, they are less afraid and more confident in themselves, because they know their own worth, they know that even without a sexual partner they can survive this monstrously complex world. They know how to control aggression, empathize with themselves and find harmony even in the most difficult times. It's hard to do both.
This is at odds with the notion that happiness can only be found in romantic relationships. But imagine a situation where you are not a whole, but a half. If you cut a chicken in half, then it cannot survive - it needs the other half. Loneliness is the opportunity to be this whole. Love is an opportunity to become only a part that is not viable without its other half. How many hung themselves and jumped off bridges because of love? We hope you understand our idea.
You are more likely to keep fit
One survey in the UK found that most married people lose money. They become thicker, slower, weaker. One could chalk it up to age, but survey data also suggests that unmarried or divorced people are much more active.
How does it happen? The obvious explanation is that a loner subconsciously gravitates toward better physical shape in order to attract a potential mate. A married man no longer needs to do this, so he sits on beer, cakes and sandwiches. There is another reason - singles have more time for Gym, extreme sports and walking. The only activity with a loved one is sex.
Feelings of loneliness can be avoided
There is no doubt that loneliness can be a dangerous source of stress. Everyone knows about it. However, for some reason, everyone forgets that in long-term romantic relationships, people also feel lonely. And this is the truth of life.
Here look. When you are a loner to the fullest, then you invest your time in chatting with girls, building relationships, flirting, whatever. You can never be alone if you make an effort. But what happens if you have a woman but are single? Then you will be locked in a cage that won't let you go. At best, you will find an opportunity to abstract from your problem. At worst, you start to change.
Are you still fast asleep
Let's face it. If you have the slightest sleep disorder, then it will be difficult for you to sleep in the same bed with another person. You will watch TV until late, play on your phone or listen to audiobooks. If you are already doing this, and you have a girlfriend, then know that it's all because of her. Sleepwalking, insomnia, nightmares - these are also the results of your desire not to be a bachelor. There are, of course, exceptions to the rule, and sooner or later everyone finds a way to fall asleep soundly, but the fact remains - one sleeps easier. You can fall apart on the whole bed, wrap yourself in the whole blanket, and no one will push you, push you at night or snore (yes, girls can do it too!).
No household problems
If you don’t have a girlfriend, then there are no domestic obligations, like: “Today you will wash the floor, and tomorrow I will!”. In addition, there will be no schedule for eating, sleeping, waking up, going to the store. Guys who have got their halves understand what we are talking about - you always have to adjust to your friend's schedule, and she to your schedule. This is not convenient for anyone. If all this is not there, then life is completely deprived of reasons for stress. You can eat when you want, clean when you want, and generally do everything when it suits you. When you are a loner, then you plan your life yourself - you don’t need to listen to anyone else.
But let's be fair. This is not the fault of the beautiful half of humanity. Just objectively, a person has less time for friends when he lives with a girl. People try to connect with their acquaintances, which is why the game called "dating in pairs" begins, which is not at all fun. You voluntarily throw all your single friends out of your life, and then feel sad about it. But when you are alone, you can easily communicate with any people you like. And yes, when you don’t have a permanent girlfriend, then you can have a lot of girlfriends with whom you can not only sleep, but also communicate sincerely. Married people are very constrained in terms of friendship.
You worry less about money
You are a man, and therefore keep the traditional trouble. So, you will be spending a lot of money on relationships - clothes, food, everything. When you live with a girl, even the most independent and strong, you will still pour money into her. Not because she demands it, but because it's in your blood - men give women gifts, pay for them in restaurants, provide for them. Otherwise we cannot. We are pleased with the feeling that the girl can rely on us financially. And it takes a hell of a lot of toll on our personal finances.
But girls are expensive not only because of gifts - these are all trifles. Problems begin when you start to manage the general financial expenses. Yes, money becomes common when you live with one person for a long time. And this means, first of all, that you cannot just go and spend all your savings on a Ferrari. A woman will immediately say: “What the hell is a Ferrari in Severodvinsk, you idiot?!”. And she'll be right, but that truth won't make you happy, but a red Ferrari will.
She lived alone for about five years in a row. It can be seen that a person is so arranged that he always lacks something, and while she lived on her own, she vaguely wanted to take care of and love someone. But I didn't realize how much I needed personal space. I agree with the girl a little higher about the fact that cleaning, music, etc. are easy to do even in cohabitation, and all these items are of a one-time nature. If Madame gets tired of her beloved roommate, her departure for the weekend to her parents is perceived by her as a crackling of a sail in the wind of freedom, she invites her girlfriends, walks naked, turns on Ivan Dorn and Despacito to the fullest, and by the evening she is already bored and crying into the phone "well, when are you Are you back already?" For me, walking naked around the house makes sense if the guy is looking at it. Most - little that is not interesting, it is also uncomfortable.
The most important thing that I missed the most from the period of loneliness was free time for my own needs. Everything is relative.))
Alone, I could go to the gym in the evening for two hours, and from there immediately to the pool - no question at all - and then come and immediately go to bed. When living together, you can no longer afford such a luxury. It would seem, why not - but No. Moreover, my lark rhythm of life with getting up at 6-7 in the morning without an alarm clock and falling asleep no later than 11 pm - was covered with a copper basin. But the biggest problem did not come to light immediately. I used to read a lot and study foreign languages, especially if I found a good book - it was difficult to put it down until it was over. I used to play something like solitaire on the computer and at the same time listen to a course of lectures on literary criticism, history, and psychology. I constantly read articles on my interests, discussed them with people on thematic forums. Watched great amount art house, which you can’t watch together, and wrote criticism of it. Led two public. I constantly learned something new and took numerous courses. At the same time I sat with friends in networks. It is difficult to get me to visit somewhere, and I myself am reluctant to receive guests, but in the communication networks I had enough with my head. Needless to say, with the advent of a man for all these classes, 1-3 hours a day are left at best. Plus, I am an introvert, and I get very tired of people, that is, after work it is vital for me to be alone, to restore energy, but only a person like me can understand this. It seems that the man says - "take as much time as you need", but it turns out that all the time I am distracted by his rustling, walking, "where did you put the pancakes with meat?", "it would be nice to have a bite", "what do you read there?" , "come here for a minute", "let's go to the supermarket, the water is running out" and so on. I had to practically give up sports, as well as travel: before I could break away for the weekend anywhere, but now there was not enough time, and considering that “lifting” yourself somewhere is like two fingers on asphalt, a man is 10 times harder , even relatively easy-going. We still need to show him the charms of this place, then discuss it for a long time, and in the end, if we go somewhere, then usually not where I originally wanted. In a year I read 4 books, and then in fits and starts, but I learned how to cook 30 dishes from vegetables and 40 types of soup and gained 5 kg weight, because. earlier in my house there was no talk of condensed milk, cookies and sausage. Losing weight alone is elementary, with a man, given that I am cooking, the mission is impossible. But the sacrifice, I think, is still justified. Yes, and he had to make some sacrifices for me.
