How not to fall in love with a man: psychological prevention. Love will suddenly come or how not to fall in love with a guy? I feel falling in love how not to fall in love

Sometimes even the most amazing and beautiful girl cannot fall in love despite really wanting to be in a relationship with someone. After graduating from the university and having received a good appointment, the young ladies are gradually approaching the crisis of twenty-five years. They begin to delve into themselves, in their shortcomings, believing that something is really wrong with them. Why have all former classmates been married for a long time, and some of them had already given birth to two children by this time?

Girls who remain single for a long time have nothing to do with man-haters. They are smart and not bad-looking. They are pleasant, friendly and love romance. Over the past couple of months, each of them went on a date at least eight times. They always enjoyed the guy's company. The difficulty lies in the fact that new relationships do not go beyond the second or third date. They do not feel that notorious spark. If you recognize yourself in this description, do not pass by this publication. So what are the reasons for your excessive legibility?

Too high expectations

When you form a conscious effort in your head to find great guy More often than not, you get stuck with high and unrealistic expectations. In fact, your own thinking and idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthe ideal companion interferes with you. Love should come from a lightning impulse, and not turn into a competition to choose the best candidate. In the process of planning and making plans, you forget to enjoy the time spent chatting with a potential boyfriend.

Too much pressure

If you meet a nice guy in the library or at a conference, you will always find common ground for fruitful communication. Your interest in each other will sooner or later lead to romantic date. Each of you longs to know each other more. You just don't understand who this person is for you. There is nothing wrong. The only problem with this situation seems to be excessive pressure. You are probably just afraid to make a decision.

Are you ready for a serious relationship yet?

Sometimes you refuse a date with a good friend because you don't want to limit your freedom. Easy communication in in public places for you is akin to a veiled date. You prefer to spend time with a young man in the library or preparing for an exam, but no more. This friendship will not go anywhere, and the young man will wait forever. At least you know that if you have a feeling, you can always take a step forward.

Love comes unexpectedly

If you are making a tremendous effort to find your soulmate, know that love does not need to be sought. She will find you. You will never guess where it will happen. And if you again begin to reproach yourself for excessive scrupulousness, then feel free to quit this thankless task. Everything is fine with you, but feelings have no definite algorithm. You do not need to look for the perfect character compatibility, compare horoscopes or delve into his achievements. Love will sneak up when you least expect it. And it's wonderful!

Why does a man in love not take the initiative? Why does a woman fall in love, try to do something for a relationship with a man, develop these relationships, introduce a man to her relatives, dream of a wedding, etc., and a man is indifferent to all this? And why does it happen that when a woman has already “burned out” in relation to a man, he suddenly begins to be active and literally besiege the woman, harassing her with his signs of attention, courtship and proposals for a serious relationship? For more information about the mistakes that women make, read the book. “19 mistakes with men. How to make a man love and respect you. In the same article, we will talk about the most basic mistake. After all, letters describing such situations and questions, when a woman seems to like a man, but he doesn’t do anything special, come to me stably one a week.

So what's the deal? Why do men act like this? Why do they show such indifference to relationships with the woman they like?

There are several reasons for such situations:

A man is not in love with a woman at all. At least much less than a woman suggests. The woman may just like him a little. That is, in other words, the girl can simply be wrong. This may be the background behavior of a man, when he flirts a little with almost all pretty girls.

- a man may be without money, may be without a job, may not be confident enough in himself, maybe he has a girlfriend and he is afraid of losing her, maybe ...

- the girl interrupted the transition on the ladder of relationships. This happens quite often. For example, at the beginning of a relationship, a man began to tell the girl something that was not interesting or not very pleasant to her. The girl may try to translate the topic or, in principle, gently end the conversation. But you can cut off communication rudely. Let's say: "Why are you telling me about ... ( ex-wife, boxing, etc.). I'm not interested) It's pretty rude. If a man has not moved from the stage of falling in love by 1-2 points, at least on a 10-point scale, then this is enough to interrupt the development of falling in love. (There are exceptions, of course) There can usually be no talk of any initiative.

- the girl, in principle, does not show in any way that she likes the man. This is a very common situation in those moments when a man does nothing. More often there are only errors in determining the love of a man. (which lead to excessive female initiative). Of course, you need to show a man one way or another that you like him. I won’t repeat myself to anyone, but to someone who runs, says something, tries to flirt, joke, etc. (let it be flat)

If you have such a situation and you are not very confident in the love of a man, then do not say words of love and do not write. Show your feelings with gestures, facial expressions, etc. Look at the man a little longer, listen to him carefully, etc.

- men's emotions develop much more slowly than women's;

- after a while, a woman’s strong love disappears, she reduces her activity, and finally a man can feel like a hunter. As I wrote in the book “How to fall in love with a man for life and successfully marry?”, it is important for a man to feel stronger, conquer a woman, see her weakness and “save” her, help, etc.

(The third reason, that a woman was mistaken in that a man likes her, I will not describe in this article).

Now in order.

The law of male psychology is as follows. A man matures MUCH slower for a serious relationship than a woman.

If on an example, then the almost standard situation is when:

- The woman thinks that after the first or second meeting, the man has already decided that he likes her, and he will definitely call tomorrow. In fact, a man still thinks, is determined and chooses.

- After the third or fifth date, the woman already believes that they have enough serious relationship to show your boyfriend to friends, relatives, etc. The man, on the other hand, thinks that he has only more or less decided that he is ready to date a woman, but he is unpleasantly surprised when he is asked to meet the woman's friends and parents. (Few men like "bridesmaids" in general, and almost everyone dislikes brides ahead of time).

- A woman thinks that a man wants to marry her, and a man only thinks that he is already ready to meet his girlfriend's relatives and friends. He hadn't even begun to think about getting married.

Such a discrepancy in the speed of development of emotions can sometimes cause severe conflicts between a man and a woman and disappointment in a woman in her chosen one.

Yes, this is understandable if a woman already chooses Wedding Dress, and the man only thinks that he will have a permanent girlfriend or he needs to look for another, then the conflict is inevitable.

What to do? Of course, sometimes a man can and should be pushed to the next stage of the relationship, sometimes you can pull, sometimes hit the harder (a joke, of course, but in every joke, as you know, there is some truth). However, the main strategy is as follows.

What does it look like in practice?

If we take the very beginning of a relationship, when a man meets a girl he likes, he takes the initiative and finds out her phone number or where she works. After such a meeting, a woman expects something like the following.

Once a man took the phone, it means that he already likes her. But, firstly, it is not at all necessary that this is so. (Men take the phone for a variety of reasons. Maybe on a bet, maybe develops self-confidence (how to develop confidence, I described in detail in the book "How to become more confident in yourself in 3 months") and courage in dealing with women, maybe a dozen more reasons). Secondly, men rarely call the next day, because men, as I said, are emotional slow-witted.

In order for him to understand that he really likes a girl, he needs not several hours, but several days, and sometimes even more than a week. That's why, first, don't expect a man to call you back at all.

The rule of communication with men here is very simple. Measure your feelings with the feelings of a man. If a man likes you, and he shows it, then you can also show that you like him. If a man is ready to leave other women and be only with you, then also leave flirting with other men. If a man is in love, then you can also show him that you are in love.

Just do not need to write long letters (SMS messages) about love to your chosen one. A man is arranged differently, and love letters are unlikely to have an impact on him, rather only a negative one. If you really want to write, then write (better to say, not write) what kind of hero he is, what you like about him, how he did something, and you became happy from it. But it's better to tear up love letters.

So, don't fall in love with a man before he falls in love with you. Don't fall in love with a man too quickly. And if the process of love itself is difficult to fully control, then it is quite possible to slow it down and reduce its intensity. (If necessary, of course, but usually necessary).

And again about the initiative. As I already wrote, the second reason that the relationship does not develop, and then the man suddenly begins to show activity, is that the woman ceases to take the initiative.

The law of male psychology here is this:

A man does not want a woman's love just like that. He wants to achieve this love and make his woman happy.

In many ways, I will repeat what I wrote earlier in other articles and above, but repetition is usually very useful.

If you have read my articles and books before, you probably already understood that a man does not need a woman's love as such, just like that. He needs to achieve this love, he needs to somehow help a woman so that she falls in love with him. He needs to do something so that the woman is amazed and understands what a man is a hero and, accordingly, falls in love with him after that.

That is, of course, a man wants a woman's love, but he just doesn't need love. He needs to achieve this love.

Consequently, when a woman falls in love with a man, her stranglehold and initiative towards him weakens. And then, finally, a liberated man sighs deeply and can begin to conquer a woman and act. Well, the fact that this man is no longer interesting to a woman is already his problem. Let him try hard, maybe everything will work out.

In this article, I will not describe in detail the initiative and the smallest details in which it manifests itself. But the main thing that can and should be learned is to give activity to a man, and everything in your relationship will develop much more naturally.

Summing up. If a man is in love with you and does nothing, then you need to act with extreme caution yourself.

If a man does nothing, then it is very, very likely that you are mistaken and the man is not in love at all. Maybe he likes you a little and nothing more. It is difficult for a man who is truly in love to refrain from acting.

If a man has some of his internal reasons for doing nothing (let's say there is no money at all, there is a girlfriend, etc.), then these are his problems. It’s better not to even try to guess about them, let alone solve them.

If you yourself rudely interrupted the man when he was trying to start communication, if you don’t show at all that you like the man, then you yourself can start some kind of communication, that is, talk about something or make some signs of coquetry . (not words and not letters) Your conversation should not be flirting, but simply communication on business or some other topics. Show initiative to a woman in a date, sex, etc. is a bad strategy 99% of the time.

If a man did nothing when a woman was in love with him, and then, when she stopped liking him, he suddenly began a “siege”, then usually the main reason is that a woman does not take into account one of the most important features of the psyche of men - low speed the emergence of emotions and failure to take initiative in a relationship from a woman.

Use this knowledge in relationships with men, and these relationships will become much easier to develop and will be much stronger.

Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov.

Love is often overwhelming. You will need perseverance and patience to manage not to fall in love with a person, especially when you cannot control your emotions. Perhaps you are trying not to fall in love with the person you like, or you may want to stay away from love relationships in general. You can try to avoid the person you like, as well as curb your emotions so that feelings do not get the better of you. You can also focus on your interests and needs to distance yourself from the person.

Steps

Avoid the person you like

Keep your distance from the person. One way to gain victory over your feelings is to stay at a safe distance from a certain person. This behavior can also cover various social situations like meeting up with friends and co-workers. Sometimes you will have to avoid the person you study or work with. Stay away to resist the temptation to start a conversation, otherwise your feelings may only intensify.

Set clear boundaries for yourself in case this person is present. If you are close to him, then you need clear boundaries that will allow you to contain emotions. For example, promise yourself not to touch, hug, or sit next to him. Try to keep some distance from him and use closed gestures so as not to be friendly or cordial. This will show that you are not interested in a romantic relationship.

• For example, cross your arms over your chest and don't make eye contact when talking to a person.

1. Do not accept romantic gestures or gifts. A person may show sympathy for you through gifts or courtesies. Do not allow or encourage such behavior, otherwise you will only motivate a person to seek your favor. You don't need it if you're trying not to fall in love with him.

   • For example, you can politely say, "I can't accept this gift," "Thanks, I can handle it myself," or "Thanks, no need," if the person is trying to do something nice for you.

   Hold back your emotions

   1. List the negative qualities of a person. Try to curb your emotions so as not to fall in love. Learn to control your emotions and not lose your temper in the presence this person. Make a list of his negative qualities. Re-read the list and feel your disappointment towards the person caused by such qualities. This way you can avoid falling in love.

      • Be sincere and think about the qualities of the person that would annoy or make you very angry in a hypothetical relationship with him. For example, write down: "He is career fixated, too quiet, introverted, doesn't know how to have fun in company."

      ADVICE OF THE SPECIALIST

      Sarah Shewitz, PsyD is a psychologist with over 10 years of experience helping couples and individuals improve and change their behavior in love and relationships. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychological counseling service.

      Psychologist (love and relationships)

      Don't forget the reasons why you decided to distance yourself from the person. Love and relationship psychologist Sarah Shewitz says, “If you decide not to fall in love with someone, there is a reason for that—remind yourself of it as often as necessary. If the person is already in a relationship, remind yourself that dating someone else's partner is against your moral and ethical rules. Do your best to distract yourself - have fun, make time for hobbies, in general, devote yourself to what makes you happy.

      Determine why you are incompatible. Consider why you are not a good match. You can make a list of negative qualities of a person and indicate why they will not allow you to be together. Also try writing concrete examples cases in which you do not find a common language. Focus on incompatibility to turn off your emotions towards this person and see him only as a friend.

      • For example, write: "We are incompatible, because he only thinks about a career, and I would like to travel," or: "We will not get along in character, because he is sedentary, and I plan to move often."

   2. Focus on the friendly aspects of your relationship. If you are already in friendly relations then try to put friendship above romance. You might be great friends. Consider that trying to build a romantic relationship can hurt feelings and destroy friendships. After that, you can come to the conclusion that it is better to be friends with this person, and not build a love relationship.

      • For example, you could write down all the times you joked around and had fun as friends, and then consider whether it's worth risking that friendship for a potential romantic relationship.

   Think about your interests and needs

   1. Distract yourself with hobbies and other activities. Try to devote time to your own interests and needs, so as not to think about the person and not fall in love with him. Take a break and focus your energy on a hobby you love, or take on an all-consuming activity that leaves you no time to think about romantic feelings.

      • For example, you can devote all your attention to hobbies such as painting, literature, music, or singing. Try to go in for sports or become a member of the school team.
   2. • In addition, you can look at the situation through the eyes of a friend. She may give you advice or communicate her thoughts on how you should behave.
      • For example, say to a friend, “I really like one person, but I don't want to fall in love with him. What should I do?" - or share with a relative: “I feel like I'm falling in love with someone, but I don't like this situation. How can I do better?

   3. Tell the person about your feelings. If romantic feelings for a person overwhelm you and do not cause doubts, then you can confess to him. Such a conversation will almost certainly be quite awkward, but honestly admitting your own emotions will make you feel better. In addition, it may turn out that you are also not indifferent to this person.

Sometimes it happens that you definitely better not fall in love with a certain person. And even if we realize and understand this, we still have to fight back from the nascent love at every step. If you suspect that it's probably not in your best interest to "hook" on someone, even if something real is growing in your heart, you'd better find a way to prevent this from happening and avoid strong feelings. Here are a few steps that I hope will help you avoid falling in love with the wrong person.

Difficulty: It won't be easy.

You will need:
- determination;
— strong will;
- a sense of self-preservation;
a very good and patient friend.

1. Open your mind and listen to what it tells you. If you think it's definitely better not to fall in love with someone, and it would be extremely wise of you not to start a relationship with him / her, you need to follow your own own advice. Close your heart and dampen your libido for a few hours and follow your own instinct. Listen to what your intuition is telling you, which is obviously screaming deep inside.

2. Once you have agreed to listen to your own mind instead of your heart or sex drive, write down what your instincts were trying to show you. There are some significant flaws in the swampy, addictive idea of ​​starting a relationship with this woman or this man, otherwise your intuition would not scream inside you in the hope of being heard. What exactly are the downsides of these potential relationships? When you open your eyes and finally see them, make appropriate notes. Very often, some things and phrases spoken by the inner voice seem insignificant or not so scary, while what is read on paper or spoken out loud makes us look much more realistically at the situation.

3. Having made this list of flaws, negative points, think about them properly. Dwell on each one in detail. Perhaps they include her/his temperament, his/her jealousy, her/his tendency to dramatize everything, his/her reputation, loving nature, exactingness, idealism, being in a relationship with her/him at the moment, poles apart from your values, etc. Everything that in one way or another intuitively gives direction to future problems. Now, be honest with yourself. All this is far from the most good qualities and situations, but rather potential harbingers of serious limitations on your relationship options. All these things and the like can turn your life into hell in just a couple of months.

4. Inwardly repeat over and over again everything you have understood about him/her when you are about to fall under her/his charm. Ask yourself what kind of problems might start due to his/her psychological and other limitations and think of the worst possible scenario. Can he become violent? Is it possible that she/he will start insulting you? Be objective, just because you don't want to believe it doesn't mean it's impossible. Will there be constant skirmishes, quarrels, mutual accusations or even deceit and subterfuge between you because of some of his / her qualities or external problems? Chances are great that all this is not far from the truth.

5. After considering the worst possible scenarios in detail, decide for yourself if this is really the life you would like to live. Do you want a relationship with someone who will constantly insist that there is nothing wrong with a little flirting with others? Do you want to maintain a relationship in which he/she controls your every move? Do you need a man who will use physical violence if you speak or smile at another man, or just spend time in a company where there is another man? Do you need a woman who will call you 20 times a day and make scandals?

6. Now that you understand how your life can turn into complete chaos with his / her participation, tell her / him that you are not interested in a relationship (if some progress has already begun towards establishing a connection), and / or start avoiding him/her (if you haven't already made any attempts to get close) in every possible way.

7. Avoid romantic, sentimental music, it will only spur your loving mood and desire to dream. If you're trying to forget someone, don't listen to stupid love songs. Switch to something upbeat/upbeat/rhythmic. Listen to music that will make you want to jump up and start moving.
And keep moving away, as far away from her/him in your thoughts as you can. The further you go, the better.

8. Find yourself some kind of activity on a regular basis that will easily distract you from unnecessary thoughts - it can be a hobby or something serious, helping someone or some kind of organizational event, anything that takes a few weeks will require mental effort and serious attention from you.

9. Be honest with yourself.
If you like someone, this does not mean at all that she / he is obliged (a) to reciprocate. The phrase "why am I not good for you?" in love is inadequate, because we all fall in love for some purely subjective reasons, and not with the first person we meet.

Further, just because you told yourself that you didn't want anything from him/her, it doesn't mean that you will be able to follow your set. After all, you fell in love. Grab your breasts good friend and spend time with him / her, let him listen to you, let him endure what you whine about your unfulfilled love. Let him shake you up as it should from time to time, but also let him talk. If this a true friend, she / he will remind you how lucky you are that you avoided this relationship / this unrequited love and stepped aside.

10. Remember that between passion / desire to possess / attraction and love, romance and real relationships there is a big difference. It is quite possible that he / she is not at all the person you would like to see next to you, with whom you would like to build a relationship, you just crave her / his short-term attention, and often this is not possible. Move forward, move on. There will be others who will stir up your libido and set your heart on fire, and this/this next one(s) is very likely to suit you. If this happens again, check the person again for serious potential flaws and then decide if you can live with her/him!

Additions and warnings:

- Even knowing that you should avoid him / her and everything connected with her / him, including your own thoughts, there will still be a serious struggle inside you while you are constrained by your attraction. Again and again remember all the negative points that you have identified and their consequences, and force yourself to constantly keep them in mind;

- Do not close your heart as if you touched a switch - this will only lead to worse consequences such as hardening, cynicism, bitterness and a future inability to feel and understand others. You will have to overcome yourself with logical arguments, and not lose humanity - the latter is easier, but will bring serious consequences for you;

- Perhaps the above steps will not help you, but if you find yourself in a similar terrible situation in the future, remember that there are always ways to get out of it, just maybe you need something purely individual - do not give up, gather your will into a fist and look for what will help you.

As in other articles on this site, in this material you can read the best advice on the ever-relevant topic of relationships between the opposite sex and get useful advice if you write a question in the comments.

How not to fall in love with a friend's girlfriend

If you notice yourself that you like a girl who is dating your friend, and at the same time you would not want to lose your relationship with him, then try not to fall in love with his soulmate. There are a few tips to help you avoid unplanned love:

- try to keep your distance from the person you like madly;
- think over and set the boundaries of what is permitted, if the meeting is still unavoidable;
- do not allow any romantic gestures in your direction and do not accept any gifts from the girl;
- try to distract all your thoughts from the girl and switch them to your hobbies or hobbies.

How not to fall in love with a girl that you like, that you constantly think about if you are married

Most The best way to avoid developing feelings for a girl who really likes and does not get out of her head, this is to stop idolizing her. You need to try to consider it from all sides, try to find some flaws in it.

If it so happened that the young lady is ideal, then you need to occupy your head with other thoughts: plunge headlong into work, engage in self-development, sports, or begin to develop one of your talents.

Avoiding meetings and communication of any kind, whether it be face-to-face conversation or texting, can help quite well.

How not to fall in love with a girl psychology

1. Increasing self-esteem is one of the important steps towards avoiding unnecessary feelings and emotions. To do this, you need to know exactly. What goals do you need to achieve in life? Clearly understand that a girl is not a life goal, but just an auxiliary element of it. Upon reaching the goal, it is necessary to set a new, higher bar.

2. Personal development is a sign strong man. Only a man who does not depend on anyone can be successful. You need to develop in all directions: physically, intellectually and financially.

3. Avoiding any kind of contact with a girl for whom unwanted feelings begin to emerge, you can clear your own thoughts from her presence.

4. Filling all your free time with useful things contributes to distraction.