Male attention is easy and difficult to earn at the same time. Usually it happens like this: easy - when you don’t really need this young man, and it’s just a matter of “sporting interest”, then you don’t have to put in almost any effort: he goes crazy and persistently tries to achieve location. And it's difficult - when you yourself do not have a soul in a person who has a sweet heart, but he does not pay any attention to you at all. Such is the law of meanness. Such is the paradox of modernity: if you love, they don't love you; if you don't love, they adore you. That's exactly the way married women behave. At first they do not pay attention to the husband, for many years life together with which they managed to get used to and plunge into the gray everyday life of household chores, and then they begin to tear and throw, trying to curb the feeling of possessiveness and somehow return the husband's disposition when his young mistress appears on the battlefield. On whose side in such cases the internal scales are outweighed young man, if on both bowls there are two women chosen by him? Who do men prefer: wives or mistresses?

The importance of a wife in a man's life

When a man marries a woman, he makes a conscious choice. He really thinks that this relationship will last for many years of living together, and he really believes in a happy future for their young couple. But very often it happens that in the declining years or even after some short period of time after the day of marriage, a direct threat becomes a direct threat on the way of an already established family and an established marriage - a young mistress. From this moment the "adventure" begins. The most interesting thing is that from this moment on, a man does not look deep into the soul and intentions of his new passion, but begins to critically examine his wife from all possible angles, finding fault with her features, starting with her scandalousness and ending with harmless habits. During this period, a man thinks about the importance of his wife in his life: does he need her at all? After all, now in his life began new stage, he is open to new sensations, new events that he wants and is ready to meet with a new passion, a new love.

To go on vacation with a mistress, not to hide from anyone, to feel free with a new passion - all this is what a winged man wants so much at first. He basks in a new passion, plunging into it almost headlong. But somewhere out there, in the far corners of his subconscious, a man begins to look for the answer to the question "Do I love my wife or not anymore?" At some unshakable level, with a sixth sense or a special instinct, he feels a slight anxiety that his wife will disappear somewhere, she will not be there, and she will never make him a cup of hot coffee in the morning, she will never iron his shirt before work, he will never quarrel with her because of another financial disagreement ... This moment holds back the newly-made Casanova, and he faces a difficult choice: is it a wife or a mistress?

The value of a mistress in a man's life

Speaking of homeowners, it can be noted that men look at them a little differently than at their wives. Tying up a relationship with another woman, the young man begins to falsely think that before that he did not live at all, did not love, was not happy. And only now, being imprisoned in the "shackles" of marriage, he met the one that he had been waiting for, it would seem, all his life. Mistresses in the lives of men are, as it were, a lifeline. In the routine of everyday life and gray everyday life, women diversify the “boring” life of young people for one night or for a long period. They attach particular importance to their connections on the side. And the moment of rapprochement with another woman plunges them not only into the abyss of passions and new pleasant emotional upheavals, but also into confusion about how to be now, because the lawful wife is waiting at home ...

What a man does not accept in a woman

When a man analyzes the question of who is better - a wife or a mistress, he immediately begins his comparative process by exposing the bad habits of his young ladies. Unfortunately, often it is the wife who is criticized. And all because he managed to get to know his wife quite well over the years of living together, and his mistress looks “white and fluffy” in the light of a newly made acquaintance with his married gentleman. What do men dislike so much about their women?

• Grumpiness is one of the first factors that does not play into the hands of a spouse.
• Ordinary in sexual life - often this very moment makes a man go "to the left".
• Boredom - against the background of the appearance of such a sweet and interesting interlocutor in the face of a new passion, the wife becomes dim and dull in the eyes of a man.

What factors affect men's choice

In addition to the negative nuances, the young man, confused and doubting his choice, also evaluates the positive aspects of spending time together with each of the women. In his difficult question - whom to choose: a wife or a mistress, he relies on several specific criteria for comparison. What are these criteria?

• Sex. For men, there is nothing more important than physical contact with a lover. This is, so to speak, the starting point in his relations with the ladies.
• Feelings. In addition to carnal pleasures, young people often want to emotionalize with their lady of the heart, so they also rely on their feelings in relation to both contenders for themselves.
• Weasel. That woman who shows not grumpiness, but care, not a mania for scandals, but a tendency to participate, occupies a leading position in the evaluation series of a man.
• Cosiness. Every man wants to feel close to his woman "at home". And it doesn’t matter where their unity takes place - at the metro station or in a restaurant, the main thing is that he feels comfortable next to her.
• Understanding. Men are like big children, they want to be listened to, pitied, agreed with their opinion. Therefore, understanding with a woman and her ability to indulge him plays a rather important role in his list of aspects of his assessment of women.

Consideration of each specific criterion in more detail allows representatives of the strong half of humanity to make a more deliberate choice on the question of who is better: a wife or a mistress.

Criterion of sex life

A mega-important factor for a young man in a relationship with a woman is sex life. In fact, men, if they leave their wives for other young ladies, do it initially solely because of their sexual attraction to the new applicant. Such cases of male adultery are especially frequent in cases where the wife is older. In addition to the fact that the years go by, and the wife does not get younger, men get bored, as they put it, “the same borscht” for a long time. I also want to have a "soup sip". Therefore, choosing between a wife and a mistress precisely on the basis of sexual attractiveness, men prefer young professional women, not even realizing that a woman, like a flower, blooms in the hands of an experienced gardener. A wife, if desired, can become that other wizard in bed matters, you just need to be able to properly handle her and behave accordingly.

Criteria of care and attention

Often men are deceived in their understanding of the mistress. Here he lies next to his new chosen one and thinks: “It seems that I love my wife. But the lover is so sweet, kind, caring, attentive ... ". Men should understand one thing for a long time: a mistress is a second wife. It is only at first, at the moment of the candy-bouquet period, she behaves like an affectionate kitty with her "tiger cub". She is just waiting for him to visit, and they have a pleasant time together, without scandals about finances, without "snotty" children, without eternal complaints. This world is illusory. And, importantly, it is temporary. As soon as a young man dares to leave the family and make his mistress his wife, she becomes that “dragon”, often worse than the previous grumpy “abandoned”. Therefore, before making a choice, a man should think a thousand times whether the game is worth the candle.

Participation Criteria

The same goes for women's behavior. If a man does not understand who he loves more - his wife or his mistress, he often begins to analyze the attitude of both women towards him. Here is a legal wife: she is often unhappy that he forgets to take out the garbage in the morning, or constantly complains that he does not let her watch her favorite series on Saturday night because of a football review, and the like. And there is a charmer, young, beautiful, she is so caring, so sympathetic to his failures, so supports him with a kind word ... Probably, you should choose her. The answer is obviously wrong. This is the same situation that was described above: only the initial stage of the relationship is formed in a similar vein. Sly young ladies will go to the wrong lengths to get their way and take their beloved man away from the family. And then they show their true selves. Therefore, you should not rush to the sympathy of your mistress, because often this is just self-deception.

comfort criterion

But if all the previous moments are considered by a young man through the prism of "rose-colored glasses" with highlighting the image of a beauty on the side, then in terms of family comfort, all the pluses are exclusively on the side of the wife. The wife is the woman who washes, strokes, feeds, waters her husband, she is the keeper of the hearth. And, no matter what happens, no matter what family troubles befall a married couple, it is always more pleasant for a man to return home, where it is clean, warm and just good.

Understanding criterion

When looking for an answer to the question of who is more important - a wife or a lover, one should also take into account the fact that the years she has lived with her wife give her the opportunity to learn absolutely everything about her husband, to look into the darkest corners of his soul. The wife, like no one else, understands and accepts her lawful spouse, putting up with all his oddities. Another thing is love. After all, she sees only a shell, what a man wants to show her in order to please her. She does not fully understand what difficulties, troubles, and perhaps even disappointment await her with him. She did not have time to recognize his nature, unlike his wife, who studied him as flaky. Therefore, the spouse in this matter is a priority for a man: she is wise, she is understanding, she is more picky in the habits of her lover, especially if the wife is older than the young coquette on the side.

Trust criterion

The same goes for trust: it is much easier for a wife to trust, because she knows stories from the past, from childhood, from the difficult times that a man had to go through. While before his new passion, he cannot fully open up, being afraid to frighten her away or disappoint her with the baggage of events, not always positive, that he has behind him.

Comfort criterion

A man who faces a choice between two women is often lost, anxious, and upset. The complexity of the task assigned to him depresses him, and he rushes between his wife and mistress. The psychologist's advice in this case is aimed at analyzing the man's sense of self while being with each of them: the young man must understand with whom he is more comfortable to be around, in whom he feels of great importance. Experts recommend the following technique: in order to understand who he is better off with, a man needs to imagine a situation in which one of the women disappears from his life forever. The one who is dearer to him and whom he is more afraid of losing is the only right choice.

Feeling criterion

And finally, love. A man needs to sort out his feelings. And here one should not confuse fleeting love with a long-standing well-established feeling of affection, deep respect, sincere empathy. Fortunately, many young people at the end of their own introspection understand that an old faithful friend is better than two new ones. Therefore, more often they still choose wives.

The husband cannot choose between me and another. How to help him?

Having married, Olesya and her husband were happy. The situation was aggravated by great jealousy for no reason on his part, he cut off all contacts with her, insisted that she quit her job. After the dismissal of her husband from the army, relations escalated due to financial problems. The husband found a mistress, but is still torn between her and his wife...

PROBLEMS WITH VIDEO? READ THE TEXT VERSION:

Olesya . Were together for five years. My husband and I were introduced by a mutual friend. We dated for two weeks, then he proposed. He moved to me, as he lived in another city and worked in the Airborne Forces under a contract. They lived very well. After two months, he offered to move into a hostel.Married after dating a year later.

Before the wedding, there were no quarrels. Hisparents always tried to push us headfirst(they live far away) with their calls, lies and manipulations, to which he did not want to succumb. His relationship with his parents is not very good.

Olga Chikankova. Yes, this is a factor that often gets in the way. Thisthird party influence: best girlfriend, a mother who cares a lot. They very often just get in the way. They, of course, do all this for the good, as they think. But what they don't know is that every casually thrown word about a wife or a girlfriend can actually lead to big problems in a relationship.

Olesya. Then because of jealousy at first he forbade me to put on makeup, meet friends, etc.

What is the real reason for jealousy?

Olga Chikankova. This is generally insolent. I want to tell you for the future, never fall for this thing.If a person is jealous, then this indicates that you do not accept any help and support from him, etc. You do not take his attention. That is, maybe he wanted to help somewhere, but you did not accept. And because of this, a person feels jealousy. That is, jealousy is not because you put on makeup, but because somewhere you didn’t accept something that he wanted to give you.

For example, to help with something, to suggest, to provide an exchange. You take care of him (cooking food, doing something else) and he wanted to give you this exchange too, andyou didn't accept it. Accordingly, then the person experiences jealousy. When we want to help someone, but someone else does it for us or simply refuses our help, we feel jealous.

Accordingly, there is no need to stop painting. You have to stay the way you were when he fell in love with you. This is the main feature forto keep interest. And, of course, develop.

Olesya . For all attempts to change something,was constantly swearing. In general, he did everything so that I could sit at home. We took out a loan for a wedding, and we couldn't pay it off because I was at home.

Olga Chikankova. So you didn't work, did you? Write, please, did you work?

Olesya . He started arguing because I don't work.

Olga Chikankova. Well done such. He himself said that she should sit at home and not work, but she cannot provide. Then he began to scandal himself: “Why are you not working?” I understand you perfectly - my first husband is also like this: he will say one thing, then you will do it, but he is not satisfied. He was unhappy all the time.

Olesya . But all attempts were exhausted by jealousy of other men. He was jealous of his bosses, workers and even passers-by. God forbid someone will call me on the phone, and he will hear a male voice, he considered it a betrayal. When he retired from the army,more financial problemsand thus more scandals. I couldn't resist and drove him away.

We've been living apart for nine months now. He constantlywent and begged for forgivenessetc., but I stood my ground that I did not believe him. He lives in a house, I live in an apartment. Our dog gave birth to puppies, and I had to quit my job until I sold them, as the neighbors complain about us, and we are practically one foot on the street.

He offered me to make an aviary in the house and againquietly build our relationshipalready new. I agreed. We went and bought seeds, decided to plant vegetables in the garden. A week later he arrives, and I understand that he has someone.

Olga Chikankova . How did you understand? Write, please, how did you understand that he had someone. Fine? How did you define it?

Olesya . The first time was a scandal from my submission. I felt that betrayed me . Thoughts entered his head that he just wanted to take all the litter, and, living with new girl, sell it. Scandal, of course, I have achieved nothing. Made the situation even worse.

I accidentally saw yours on youtubeand started correcting myself. A week of tantrums before your training, I lost 8 kg.With the help of your advice, I almost found myself again.

Olga Chikankova. Good girl.

Olesya . All your advice is working. Thank you.

Olga Chikankova . Yes, of course, please. The main thing is to use it.

Olesya . But against all oddsI made my first mistakeand she called him about a week later.

Olga Chikankova . Yes, you shouldn't have done that.

Olesya . The next day he arrived and saw the old girl he met 5 years ago. He was shocked!

Olga Chikankova . Cool. This is good.

Olesya . Our passion flared up that day, and we ended up in bed.

What if his behavior changes every day?

Olga Chikankova . You see howit is important to keep the girl he fell in love with.So he saw you the way you were, and his passion flared up. So this will be your main weapon when we return it.

Olesya . He began to travel every day, and on May 9 guests came to him - our mutual friends from another city. I don’t know how they did it, but this girl left him. True, she did not take the bag. They told him that it's not right if youif you want to save your family. He succumbed, and I came to him with all the things and animals.

On May 10, when friends left, they began to "reveal" even the smallest things, and in sex he became cold. As if this is not my husband, but a completely different person.

Olga Chikankova . You see, here is a moment - in sex it became cold. When your loved one begins to move away, it means thathe is hiding something from you.In this case, he hides from you what they talked about with friends, for example. He hides from you that romance or not romance, and that he had some kind of sex or flirting in 9 months anyway. This is what he is hiding from you now. Therefore, your task is to gently reveal it.

That is, in someintimate conversationto say heart to heart: “Can you imagine, we were apart for 9 months, so I will understand you perfectly if you had someone. Therefore, you can not worry, and you can safely tell me just so that we can communicate with you well.

In your case, of course, you need to work on yourself well so that it doesn’t hurt you emotionally. So that you can listen with a calm face to everything that he tells you, anddo not react emotionally.It is very important. This is the main feature when you are trying to gain the trust of another person, andTrust is what relationships are built on.

Sometimes you have to do things like this. That is, your task is to reveal someone else's jamb, and when a person really admits this, then it is important for you not to react to it. You should say: “Thanks for saying! Okay, I get it." That is, you do not agree whether it is good or bad. You don't evaluate, you just say, “OK, I got you. Everything is fine."

And praise because the person told you something. Because just imagine that you want to establish trust with a person, and you bring him to a conversation. And he confesses to you in some kind of jamb, for example, how he spat in the neighbor's soup in the third grade. Imagine that if you tell him: “Oh, well, you are a bastard in general! How could you? And I live with you for so long, or maybe you spit in my soup too?

What will this person's reaction be? Imagine that you are talking with your loved one, and you tell him your cant that you hid from him and imagine that he will tell you: “Well, you do! You are bad!"Would you like to trust himany other bugs of your own? Of course not! This is important in a relationship.

When Artem and I started building right relationship in order not to hide anything from each other, it was very difficult, especially at first, not to give in to emotions. You need to separate the moment when a person confesses something to you from your personal relationship.You need to look at the situation from the outside.It's like you're a psychologist or a personal trainer.

Your task is simply to reveal it so that the person does not hide anything from you. If a person does not hide anything from you, thenthere will be no such distance between partners.In your case, during the establishment of your relationship, you will need to bring him out little by little to confessions and gain his trust.

But not immediately, but start with little things.For example, “Darling, remember, I asked you to wash the dishes, but I came, but you didn’t wash it. So I want to tell you and confess that I do this sometimes too. Therefore, I am not offended, you can safely tell me that I just did not have time. You start small and work your way up to a high level of trust when he talks about deep topics. Such topics that a person can hide (treason or something personal).

You can ask me in Skype chat how and when to bring him to these conversations. Because we have a special level of SMS when we disclose these issues.

Olesya . While he was sleeping, I sat down and thought that it was not right that he was not ready. When he woke up, I decided to calmly discuss the situation. I told him that my friends put pressure on me because I see thatour relationship has changed in the bud and become empty.He agreed with this and said that he needed time and everything would be fine. We decided to part ways again and meet for the time being, until we understand that the time has come to move to a new stage.

Olga Chikankova. Great. Super!

Olesya . But as soon as I left, this girl returned. He motivates this byhe has serious problemsand that he can't even feed himself by working around the clock. She works and feeds him.

Olga Chikankova . Are you working now?

Olesya . She told our friends that she was feeding him, and that I would never get my husband. Since I do not work, he will pull everything on himself. He said that as he would fix all these problems, he would kick her out.

To be honest, I'm confused and already I can’t figure out this “Santa Barbara”.I do not know what to do.Puppies are sold for a very long time, and even in theory, if he had not told me to look for a job, I would have found it anyway.

Olga Chikankova . Well done for looking for a job. About animals. There are ways to sell them quickly. Without details, I will say that I sold chinchillas, and we did not get hung up on one city. It is necessary to take into account this moment of distance when dealing with animals.

Olesya . We can't sell two more puppies.

Olga Chikankova . Well, sell not to Moscow, sell to St. Petersburg. This can be solved and doing good business on animals.

Bring back the girl he fell in love with -
most the right way return it

What do you need to do in your situation? The first is to regain your full identity. You need to find a job andbecome independentso that you don't depend on him. You were working when you met, weren't you? It's not very good. Both partners must somehow self-realize themselves. When you sit at home all day long, don’t communicate with anyone and do nothing (I’m sorry, I don’t want to offend you), then you degrade.

This is degradation. This is not an ethical act on the part of a man towards you. He did everything that you get less pleasure from life, achieve less goals. That is, you are degrading. I don't want to offend you, nothing personal.

Olesya . Yes, exactly, it is.

Olga Chikankova . You see, yourthe task now is to develop.Development is all power. In development, the chip of life. We communicate all the time: with people, with ideas, with objects. You even interact with dogs! In life, the only thing we do is communicate. The more you communicate, the better. Therefore, your task now is to find such communication that will develop you.

Olesya . He is now jealous again.

Olga Chikankova . We’ll talk about jealousy separately and we can settle it. I will personally tell you later how to do it.Your task is to restore that personality.Well done for starting watching the video. I will gladly take youif you are not in training yet. Write, are you at the training with me or not?

Olesya . I'm still in debt and waiting for the sale of the puppy.

Olga Chikankova . While you decide financial question, then now you are engaged in the return of your personality. If that girl says such nasty things about her man, that he "can't get away from me, that I feed him." This suggests that their relationship will not last long, becauseshe uses it.

I usually do not take couples in which the partner has found someone for himself. But in your case, this behavior on her part is not ethical towards a partner, so we are together.We will be able to solve this issue with the help of proper communication and SMS.The main thing for you is to start moving and return yourself. For now, find the amount at least for the economy package, it will be enough to start, and then you can switch to.

When you pass training, and do twice as much. That is, if I say that you write five chips, then you write ten. There you make a decisionreturn it or not.Because there are people who have received some awareness about themselves, and then change their minds about returning a man. Therefore, you too, please think very well about this and work through the 5th and 6th lesson, where we decide to return or not.

work it out and his jealousy. When will you be on, then you write to me about it and remind me in the chat. You write it down for yourself and remind me. I'll send you some materials on this topic. Olesya, is it clear what to do, and was it useful for you to listen to feedback?

Olesya . Yes, I'll sign up for a consultation.

Olga Chikankova . Great. Just at the consultation, I will tell you about his jealousy andI'll tell you how to go out with him for confidential dialogues and communication.

 If your story is similar to this, you can safely register for the training
Do not waste your time, because in such matters
time must not be missed!

Between two fires: to choose a mistress or a wife?

Women regularly turn to me with a request for help - it is necessary to “repel” the husband’s mistress and return him to the family. Or, in other words, how to make my husband decide to choose me.

And I tell everyone who applied the same thing - the psychologist is powerless here. Because a person (in this case, a husband) cannot decide anything in such situations. Can't just physically.

Let's explain on the fingers.

We live among systems

In human life there is such a phenomenon as the systems in which we are included. For example, a member of a work team, a resident of an entrance, a participant in a theater studio, a son, grandson, friend, matchmaker, godfather, brother, and so on.

Man belongs to these systems with varying degrees of affection. And - what is important! - the more attractive the system is for him, the more he is attached to it, the more the system attracts him.

Moreover, the attractiveness may not be very bright - say, it may be a childhood memory (from the first grade together, at the same desk) and no more. But even such a memory may be enough to make the system attractive, to bind to it.

I talked in more detail about the systems themselves in the article “How to unravel in your life”, but here we’ll just fix it - a person lives in such systems, and these systems differ in their degree of attractiveness.

When the mind is powerless

As long as we live in a situation where different systems have different degrees of attractiveness, everything is fine - the priorities are set, the goals are subordinated, first the first, then the second, and the compote for the third.

Problems begin where both systems become equally attractive.

Here, for example, is a mistress. She is younger than her wife, not wrapped up in children and everyday life, she is always happy and available in a sexual sense. The "mistress" system is undeniably attractive.

But the wife - she had a long (and in some places very good) history of relationships, common children, an established life, a fair amount of wear and tear. The “wife” system is attractive, though in a different way, but no less.

This is where these crazy swings begin, when a man decides, they say, that's it, I'll go to my mistress, crosses the threshold, leaving behind a crying wife and confused children, comes to his mistress to live with her forever .... And in a week he is going back - home to his wife.

At this moment, the wife is happy, the children relaxed, everything fell into place .... And in a week the man is going back - there, to his mistress.

It seems that he is playing with the feelings of these women or is simply weak-willed, since he cannot decide (and if so, then something can be done to help him make a decision).

In fact, he is torn apart between two equally attractive systems and no amount of willpower will work here. Simply because a person cannot use it.

To be torn in such a situation is extremely natural for a person. It is also natural not to be able to fly or throw off the tail (for lack of a tail).

It can’t, a person simply can’t take and choose in such a situation - he doesn’t have enough resources in his head for this.

endure and wait

And here we come to the most difficult moment - to solve this situation.

I assure you you won't like it. However, I believe that the bitter truth is better than sweet lies, at least in some matters.

Therefore, keep the bitter truth - if a wife has a task to keep a man (although why is he needed like that?), Then you need to wait and endure.

The effectiveness of this strategy is not absolute, but of all the others it is the most effective. So to say - the best among the worst.

Here's the thing - in such a clash of systems, the one that remains attractive wins. And to remain attractive, you need not to push.

Indeed, at some point, the mistress will say, they say, it’s enough to live in two houses, it’s time to decide, and then her attractiveness for a man will begin to decline sharply (I know what I’m talking about, I constantly come across this at work).

And the wife at this time is silent and does not require anything. And then the choice happens as if by itself - the attractiveness of the mistress has decreased, the attraction to her is no longer so strong, but the attractiveness of the wife has remained at the same level, she is drawn to her.

There is no need to choose here - he returned back, he doesn’t pull anywhere else, everything is the same again. Here is the end of the story.

There is only one problem - to endure and wait is very, incredibly, exceptionally, monstrously difficult (and, by the way, as a rule, for a very long time - until three years, It happens). Few people can survive all this.

And here is the question for the woman - is she ready for such trials for the sake of this man. There is no right answer here, everyone decides for herself.

I can say one thing for sure - other options are even more hopeless in terms of results (but not so difficult). How to deal with this is, of course, not for me to decide.

Total. When a man is torn between his wife and his mistress, he does it not out of malice and not out of weakness of will, but because of a kind of “failure” in the head. This “failure” cannot be cured in any way, it can only be experienced. This experience can last for several years, and it is difficult for both the man and his wife to experience it. If she does not put pressure on her husband, the chances that their marriage will last are quite high (but, of course, not absolute). Whether a woman has enough strength for this and whether she needs it at all is not for me to decide.

And I have everything, thank you for your attention.

Pavel Zygmantovich

Married for eight years. My husband is eleven years older, very caring and reliable, we have a good relationship. But for four years I have been in a relationship with a young man younger than me. Now he wants me to leave my husband and start a family with him. I can't choose: I love both, but in different ways. My husband is more like a father to me. And I feel a strong attraction to another man. We have a lot common interests, but with him there is no confidence in the future. Help me decide.

Vera, 29 years old

Vera, you have been leading a double life for four years already, does your husband still not notice anything? In part, you answered your own question: it all depends on what you expect from life. If you want imaginary stability - choose a husband. Imaginary, since such a union may suddenly break up. One day, one of you - maybe this time a husband - will get tired of the lack of feelings, the parent-child relationship, or simply decide that he is more comfortable alone.

It is hardly possible to predict how relations with a lover will develop if you choose him. Now there seems to be more honesty and openness between you than in your relationship with your husband.

Eight years of marriage is a long time. I think advice would be helpful. family psychologist. Do you think your husband will be surprised if you tell him that there are problems in the family? Consider what you would do if another man did not propose marriage to you. Would you dare to make the decision to leave your husband?

The situation is not easy. There are three people in this relationship, and one of you will definitely get hurt no matter what decision you make.

Ask an expert online

- this is shock and humiliation, the first thing in the head of a dumbfounded woman is scrolling various options How to beat off a husband from his mistress. Sometimes the longing for the former spouse sticks.

Before achieving a global goal, it is advisable to calm down, drink a glass of water (tea?) and understand yourself. How to remove a competitor is a simple question, it's all about family relationships in general.

You can seduce a man who has a wife.
You can seduce a man who has a mistress.
But you can not seduce a man who has a beloved woman.
Omar Khayyam

They go not to whom, but from whom

All cases are individual, but there are regular situations of "bored" family life:

• A man was married to himself (due to pregnancy; taken away from; when there is no love, but simply “two loneliness met”). So why be sad! You need to be honest with yourself: ex-spouse it's time to let go.
• The mistress took him away with the help of "black magic". Science is skeptical about such a manifestation, but does not exclude the negative impact of hypnosis, suggestion. The church can help you sort this out. Ordering services in health does not hurt.
• The wife turned into a "hen", became a caring "mother" in a warm bathrobe, cooking amazing soups. She thinks about satiety and purity of her husband, but forgets about intimate needs. And male nature requires physical temptations and affection!
• When omissions and claims accumulated over the years, the woman ceased to be a Muse.

Before you take your husband away from his mistress, it’s enough to think about whether the love of a devoted wife is enough? Will she disdain to go to bed with her “reclaimed” husband? Perhaps he truly fell in love with a woman, and should he be let go?

When this frank self-examination is over, and the decision to fight off her husband is finally made, it's time to take care of yourself and make your reflection in the mirror happy and beautiful! Is the king gone? Long live the Queen!

1. "Captain, captain, pull yourself up!"
   Before the operation "How to get a husband back from his mistress", it would be nice to take care of your health and appearance. Need to figure out how to get rid of excess weight with the help of regular exercises, corrective underwear and separate nutrition. Properly selected clothes can hide up to 5 - 10 kg!
2. "Love me, love!".
   Get rid of bad mood entertainment, interesting activities will help. You can sign up for a pool, go to karaoke, learn the basics of oriental dances. In the course of circumstances, light flirting with handsome male representatives is not prohibited.
3. Dress is a woman's second nature.
   It also doesn’t hurt to review the wardrobe, but how to cross out a few years from the passport? Pick a stylish hairstyle!

Now there is no doubt whether it is possible to remove the husband from the hated rival. Even necessary! It's time!

When the homeowner is to blame

How to return the most expensive of men from the "networks" of a mistress, suggest the advice of experienced psychologists, family consultants. This also applies to former partners in the same way.

3 main directions in the art of "how to remove a competitor":

1. They advise you to just wait as if nothing happened. Men understand that they have a honeymoon with their new lover, they hardly want to take on the burden of her problems.

   A fling for a few weeks means nothing. Here is a relationship on the side for more than 3 months - already a serious habit, it's time to act, and not think about how to discourage your husband from a new hobby.

2. There are lifelong ladies' men. Marrying such a woman, a woman does not build illusions about his monogamy. These men are wolves in sheep's clothing. You can only feel sorry for the naive girl, the “homeowner”.
3. Another type of action that dictates how to remove the third superfluous is to become better, more precisely, yourself (after all, once his wife drove him crazy)!

The advice of the men themselves and the unspoken “mistress code” will help with this issue.

Why not use its principles:

1. "Sex is the head of everything." They leave the family to another not for delicious pastries, but to plunge into the ocean of intimate desires. Who, no matter how the spouse knows, that the beloved loves in bed, what turned him on for a single year? A wife needs to forget about embarrassment, awkwardness, and make her man truly happy, without remorse.
2. "Gold fish". It is foolish to believe that the spouse keeps only intimacy near the other. The mistress, silently, listens to how he dreams of skydiving or is afraid of the dentist. And she never asks for anything.
3. "Play with me!". It is better to visit a sex toy store with your loved one or arrange a homemade striptease. Even such a detail as forgetting to wear underwear under a dress will always turn a man on.

A man needs to be able to listen and not fill up with household requests openly. Before you ask to pick up the baby from the kindergarten, you can kiss your spouse and gently look into his eyes, and not command him and order.

How to return everything, tell ... the behavior of the most confused person. Does he like homemade meatballs? Have you ever wanted to go to a concert or a hike? An understanding, like-minded wife is the best gift for him.

In addition, you can build on the Buddhist formula, when it is advised to eat, love and be sure to pray. The partner needs to be given this - to cook deliciously, love him, sometimes make him jealous and believe him. This is an effective technique for separating the legitimate other half from the wrong connections.

Brilliant thought from the sociology professor's blog:
- If your husband left for another, then her husband left for a third, and so on.
Wait, soon someone's husband will come to you.
They must go somewhere!

Keep close to you

If you didn’t need a partner in family life, you just wanted to regain faith in yourself and it turned out perfectly, it’s worth discussing everything with him honestly. It depends on his views on the future and the motives of his wife herself, whether they will go one way or whether everyone gets freedom further - from obligations, pretense, unnecessary attachment. Such a traitor will leave on his own or will do everything in the name of sincere forgiveness.

And if you really need a partner, and it became clear only now, you need to build married life again.

To keep your loved one near you, you can do things that are not without psychological tricks:

1. Use perfumes that he associates with happy periods of life together.
2. Prepare breakfast in bed.
3. Sometimes it's nice to dress up and run away with friends (both sexes) to a cafe. In the role of a comforter or a “home psychologist”, friends are not always suitable, but sharing the fun is easy!
4. Before throwing everything old and unnecessary out of life, you can view joint photos and remember good moments.
5. Book a night at a hotel or visit the restaurant where He proposed.
6. Go on a long journey together. Yes, not the cheapest. However, such an event will help replenish the piggy bank of a new happy page in the family album.
7. Before and after intimacy you can stroke your husband's back, stretch your feet, and at the end - kiss, for example, on the neck. By repeating such a ritual, reflexes are fixed. They are also made for love.

Outcome

Each wife in such a situation intuitively feels what can be done and whether it is worth eliminating her rival. But truly Great can be called such a spouse who was able to rekindle the fire of feelings, sincerely forgive and forget what they usually don’t get away with.

Perhaps that is why the woman is called Keeper of the Family Hearth. For the sake of such love and such a wife, the husband will do anything!