My husband left me how to live. What to do if your husband left? Help from a psychologist

1. You need to understand that very rare relationships last your whole life!
   Sooner or later, some kind of discord or rupture may occur in you, and you will part.
2. There must be an understanding that in this world, in principle, there is nothing so super stable that it would never go away and collapse.

Understanding this 1 piece of advice from a psychologist on how to get over a breakup with a loved one greatly reinforces your knowledge.

2. Find your favorite activity that you want to do and be passionate about wholeheartedly and with great passion

• With regards to your life in general, finding your occupation that you want to do, you want to live and be passionate about it - it strongly reinforces you emotionally and from all sides!
• Having it, you will not be so jarred and thrown into a panic at some kind of loss, even if you broke up with your loved one.
• Your favorite hobby, occupation, your own path, the energy and passion invested in it - recharge you very much, give you a purpose in life, give a feeling of pleasure and enjoyment from life.
• Thanks to them, you forget about the gray everyday life, completely penetrate the process, forgetting everyday trifles and breaks. You no longer worry about what to do if you get dumped or how to get over it.
• Having broken the relationship, now you can fully immerse yourself in your favorite business and fully stay and grow with it further.
• For example, it can be your projects, business ideas, events, your creativity, financial plans, hobbies and favorite sports. Who cares what.

Always remember your favorite hobby and passion, put it in the first place now, and then you will no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with your girlfriend or young man.

3. Realize that relationships in any scenario cannot be a mission and goal in life

1. Social programming suggests that supposedly relationships is the most important thing in life. That is, people make building relationships the main component of life. This is a very common thing that can be seen now.
2. She's so Hollywood and from the movies or from some hidden childhood dreams. It occurs in both men and women. And if you do not get rid of this illusion, you will still need the advice of a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with a loved one.
3. There is another wrong belief among people. People come to their soulmate as if under the bosom of a tree from work or study with the conviction "and here it will be good for me."
   And if this happens in your head, then, as a rule, this does not justify hopes.
4. Sooner or later the illusions will collapse. To some extent, people can create this illusion for each other, then it all crumbles to smithereens.

Relationships are definitely important.

In them we can realize ourselves, allow another person to realize themselves, establish emotional contact with a partner, make our own and his life easier.

But in general, they cannot be a mission.

Relationships in any scenario cannot be a mission in life!

Illusions of girls

On the part of girls, such a thing is present in the head more often. And therefore, they often need help and various advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with a beloved man.

Girls elevate relationships to a higher rank because they have such a biological factor as a family and a child.

Your jamb is that you had to be distracted from clinging hard to relationships and making them a goal in life.

This will only make it worse for you, because sooner or later the illusions will begin to break, and you will again think about what to do when your loved one has left you.

4. Don't let yourself slide into an emotional hole after a breakup.

1. It is very important when such breaks occur. and critical moments, it is not to let yourself slide into an emotional hole. Some people get depressed. You can learn about ways to get rid of depression. They can last not one day, but even a week or two. This can really undermine you.
2. Emotionally, the problem can be quite trifling. But, for example, a man can so emotionally slide into this gap that he will have a desire to go to the mountains, become a monk and do nothing else in this life or go headlong into business, forgetting about women altogether.
3. Although it's not really all that serious.. Anything happens. Do not wind yourself up, do not make an elephant out of a fly and know everything about how to survive a breakup with a girl after a long relationship or many years life together.

5. First solve the psychological problem: do not go to extremes and run to look for a new partner

After a breakup, you may get the feeling that you supposedly need to solve everything at once right now.

Problems need to be dealt with as they come up.

You don't have to decide everything at once.

First find harmony with yourself and solve the problem inside

If you have an unstable emotional state, depression, then first deal with it.

Some people go to extremes after a breakup and quickly run to look for a new partner.

And this is supposed to be the solution to the problem. This supposedly closes questions about how to survive the pain of parting with a loved one.

Is this a solution?

What mistakes do people make?

People simply patch up their spiritual wound with a band-aid, looking for a replacement rather than dealing with themselves.

This throwing from one extreme to another does not end with anything good.

Accept the state in which you are now, see it and say to yourself: “Yes, now I am not quite in harmony with myself after the breakup. Well, nothing, I’ll first resolve this issue, and then we’ll see.”

Remember this and no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with your husband.

6. What Your Brain Can Do to You: The Broken Record Analogy

• All your memories of past love when everything was good, bloomed and smelled - it's just an appearance.
  If that balance had been preserved, then it would have been true. And so it is an illusory appearance. It's already like broken record, which is also broken.
• How is your brain playing with you? When you had a break and there were a lot of jambs that you don’t even really want to remember, your brain throws this hackneyed record at you.
• You yourself put this broken record in your head, where it is no longer an even melody that plays, but an incomprehensible rattle sounds, a pathetic likeness of a melody and some unpleasant sounds.
• This plate no longer needs to be repaired.!
  You just need to find what you really need!
• Don't even try to come back. It's not worth it.
  Approach the situation soberly, and you will know everything about how to start living after parting with your loved one.

7. Let yourself go forever: there is nothing left to decide, no need to cling

Let yourself go forever.

Understand that there is nothing and no one to resolve.

Some of you screwed up and it is important to understand that this is normal.

As painful as it may feel, give yourself the opportunity to leave forever.

Just like your partner gives himself this opportunity.

Every girl and every guy gives himself this opportunity.

Understanding this will close your worries about thinking about how to get over the breakup with your loved ones.

8. Choose to be cool and not needy, remove expectations

1. A person who does not need is one who does not cling to other people, tends to give more than receive and never expects anything from this life! Strive to be.
2. A person who does not need does not think about what you will have in the future (even if there is a 99% guarantee, you do not tell others). You can say: "Yes, I have such plans ...". You're going to do it, but you don't live it.
3. You take what you have on this moment but you never expect something to happen in the future, good or bad. It's useless.
4. Those things that you can cling to in life can be so ephemeral and destructible.
5. your reality should not be based on something external!

A person who does not need does not need both things and people equally! The paradigm is that they are with them, but there is no fear of loss at all!

A person who does not need never asks questions about how to live after parting further.

A strong person is only glad that weak people themselves leave his life.

It is harder for a woman to live like this, but it is possible. You don't have to hang on to people.

Women have a natural need for a man who will protect her, take care of her, they cling to men. This is their jamb!

On our site you can also read about how to get rid of attachment and love addiction.

9. In the next six months or a year, completely change the perception of relationships

• After your breakup, do not immediately cling to a new person and do not try to make him immediately yours for a very long time.
• Not to be confused with not communicating with anyone at all and not getting to know each other. No, you are still chatting and getting close to new people, enjoying the attraction between you.
• But there should not be this desire to make a person his property for some long time.
• You must remove the time frame where you begin to unconsciously drive a person.
• Live like this for the next six months at least after the break. Then, after six months, based on internal sensations, you can again return to a long-term relationship with one girl (man).

A subtle point to be implemented

Replace the desire to make a person your property with the desire to make him happy.

The best thing you can do for a partner is to let him live full life and you will be there with him whenever he and you so desire.

You still sincerely love your partner, but do not try to keep him in any way.

You must live your life and give your partner complete freedom of choice.

Implement this perception and no longer worry about how to survive a breakup with a lover or your secret crush.

The difference between healthy and unhealthy needs

1. There shouldn't be any border and understanding that the person is yours.
   And then you can always go further in terms of developing your spirituality, your level of happiness and harmony.
2. Yes, you may have a certain percentage of neediness in new relationships, but this healthy neediness - when you just want to see a person(no matter how you spend your time). Just want to be together.

10. Ask yourself: “Are your feelings and the image of your ex-partner real, or is it your subjective perception?”

Ask yourself questions:

1. Is it real that your ex gives you some feelings, or is it your subjective perception that draws them like that, making him special?
2. If a guy's perception of an ex-girlfriend as "special", "giving everyone love" and "enhancing well-being" was real, then why don't all guys perceive her that way?
3. Why doesn't any of the other people on the planet now around his ex-girlfriend feel better about it as a guy?

Answer

The way the guy perceives ex girlfriend so cool - this is his personal subjective perception of the girl.

No one else sees her that way except him.

All other people see the same girl, the same appearance, her same face, but their well-being does not improve in any way!

And it is very important to realize this in order to close the worries about how it is easier to survive parting with a loved one.

You yourself draw an addition to the image of the former, it does not come from him in any way

1. The guy is just attached to those old emotions, tactile sensations and past pleasures that they gave each other. His perception paints her somehow special, as if she has a halo over her head.
2. The same can be said about former men, for which women continue to dry unrequitedly. Your remaining love after a breakup is only your personal subjective appearance.
3. You yourself and your perception of feelings draws such an addition to former person. This addition itself does not come from your ex-partner.
4. This image that your perception paints for you does not exist in reality. Keep this in mind and close all your questions about how to survive the pain of parting with married man or the one with whom sooner or later you would have to part.

11. Your affection is tested for the feelings and sensations that you experienced before with a partner, and not for the person himself.

Understand that you are attached to the feeling, not to the person himself.

This feeling is drawn by your personal subjective perception.

Understand this and you will feel much better.

ask yourself:

1. Why don't you feel this way about yourself?
2. Why does it occur only in relation to other people?

The answer is that you just don't love yourself.

People do not love themselves and, as a result, need outside help, they ask for advice from a psychologist on how to survive a breakup with a husband, boyfriend or female person.

12. Love yourself truly

When you fall in love with yourself for real, your total love will be much stronger than the feelings for the former person.

Your love for yourself will be the strongest and strongest. No feelings can absorb and bind you.

And then you will already forget about attachment to feelings, you will give more to this world.

And then people will start reaching out to you.

Now you know everything from psychology on the topic of how to survive a breakup with a loved one, and you don’t need any forums.

If you integrate these understandings into your life, then thoughts like “would rather move away after a painful breakup” will no longer arise in your head.

You will remove a lot of pain and suffering from relationships and begin to look at things more objectively.

This is your life, make the right choice!

If a man left you, psychological help can be very useful to you, especially if it seems to you that the whole world has lost its significance, everything has become gray and unpleasant, turned away from you, covered its face. There is no enthusiasm, there is complete apathy, and the soul and thoughts are constantly scrolling through the memories of the past, returning to the moments when you were together, looking for the mistakes you made, and constantly scrolling through them in your head ... You think: after all, everything could be fixed if I had not ... Then he would have been with me, would have held my hand again, would have smiled at me again and looked with that gentle look - he would have been mine. Here's the first rule: don't blame yourself. What happened, happened, you can't bring it back. Often, we blame ourselves for what we shouldn’t, and this only creates psychological difficulties for ourselves, discomfort and loses peace of mind. Even if you really made cardinal mistakes, take this into science for yourself so that next time this will not be observed in a relationship. Throughout life, you need to strive for the ideal, look for yourself in this world, correct your miscalculations. After all, it is on them that we the best way learning. Yes and in most cases, no one is to blame for the fact that the relationship ended or the man left you. It just so happened that the relationship has exhausted itself, the love is gone or it turned out that you are simply not the people who need each other. Take it for granted, and take the news calmly: after all, it often happens that a young man left you not because you are guilty of something, but because he is more proactive, and earlier noticed that nothing would come of this union . Better look for someone new, start new life than to suffer and look for mistakes in old relationships, not getting any pleasure from them.

Psychologists advise in the first period of time when a man leaves you, do not hold back negative emotions and let them splash out. Allow yourself to cry if you want to, do not restrain yourself, because tears have many functions for the body, including psychological help, emotional release that you need. The first few hours after a breakup are the most painful. There is a culmination of negative feelings, a person suffers from the news he heard, is stressed, later, thinks about everything that happened before, looks for ways to change something, thinks about what to do next.

Each girl reacts in her own way to the fact that a man leaves her. It depends on the temperament, attachment to the beloved, the psychological state at the time of parting, the psychological mood of the girl, how much she loved young man. Her age, experience and self-esteem also play a role.

If the separation was especially painful for you (apathy, stress, anxiety, lack of appetite, suicidal risk, insomnia), it is best to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist for psychological help. Such people are professionals in their field and will help you get rid of addiction to your love object as quickly and efficiently as possible. The psychologist will not give you advice such as your girlfriend or mother, arguing emotively and irrationally. He will help you understand yourself, explain your problems and push you to resolve this situation. If you notice that the symptoms are more pronounced, and can also develop into depression, it is better to consult a doctor at the clinic.

In order to abstract from unpleasant thoughts and quickly heal the wounds of parting, do what you love, distract yourself from unpleasant thoughts. Take care of yourself, go shopping, sign up for dancing or sports, choose some new hobby for yourself. This will help you not only distract from bad thoughts, but also make new acquaintances, new friends who will provide you with psychological support and assistance.

If you continue to need psychological assistance, understand yourself, ask yourself, what do you need? Perhaps, long-standing grievances lurked in the soul, words unsaid to the man, and with whom you broke up. Maybe there are unclear situations in the relationship, promises that haunt you and in which you need to understand and understand their essence. In this case, you can talk with the man who left you, or, if this is not possible, with a psychologist, mother or friend. Talk to a person you trust, at the same time understand yourself and analyze the situation that happened. Perhaps your interlocutor will help you sort out some of the points that bother you.

Do not allow yourself to be sad, distract yourself from negative thoughts - this is the main psychological help that any specialist will advise you. Most importantly - do not doubt yourself, and do not let your self-esteem fall. Most women have experienced such situations, but struggled with all their might. And they came out as leaders, coped with their sadness. Why can't you? Never doubt your worth and yourself. The fact that a man left you is not a reason to hang your nose at all. Accept the situation as a worldly situation, deal with your emotions, continue to love and pamper yourself, make nice purchases for yourself, communicate with people you like, and quickly forget your failures. You need to extract only useful things from them: get more and more experience in relationships, realize your mistakes, study different situations and life itself.

In life, we all have to face various difficulties, which, whether we like it or not, we need to be able to overcome in order to live on. However, some of them turn out to be so difficult that it is not easy, if not impossible, to overcome them without outside help. In this article, we will talk about what to do for a woman who has been abandoned by her husband. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who leave their husbands in this life, and no matter what the men themselves say, justifying their act, women are far from always to blame for this. But they are not to blame, but something needs to be done in such a situation - you need to somehow live on. Let's see how.

So what do you do if your husband leaves? You need to first pay attention to your condition in order to take it under control. Friends, relatives, psychologists - can give you a lot useful tips on what and how you should do in your situation, and many of these tips will really be useful, which you need to heed. But in order not only to heed these tips, but also to use them, you need to calm down and start thinking practically. You don’t need tears, you don’t need accusations against your husband or your own address, you don’t need to complain to anyone about what happened to you - you need to accept reality as it is and start thinking about how you should live on. How to do this - how to calm down, how to extinguish your negative emotions that corrode the soul? You know, this is one of the most difficult tasks that I have to solve when women who have left their husband turn to me for help. Here's how we do it with them:

Firstly, you need to change your attitude to what happened and not evaluate your situation from an exclusively negative side. Your husband left you - is it bad or good? This is unknown! You cannot know for sure whether this is bad or good, you can only guess what consequences this act of your husband will bring to you and him. It is possible that this is good for you! This assumption, at least, must be kept in mind. Since you are reading this article, you most likely think that it is bad that your husband left you, but you may be wrong. You can be wrong for many reasons, one of which is your ignorance of how your future life with him could have turned out. You can view the departure of your husband as the loss of the person you need, but if you look at what happened from the other side, you can see other points that will lead you to completely different conclusions. For example, in some cases, a husband, instead of leaving his wife, who does not suit him with something, beats her, and at the same time his children. And there are even cases that I personally had to deal with, and even now sometimes I have to work, when a man can even kill his entire family, both his wife and children. It's terrible and doesn't happen often, but it does happen. And just imagine how crazy you have to be to do that. It would be better if a man left the family, and not take the life of his wife and children. Do you agree? Therefore, try to always think more broadly, evaluating this or that life situation and never evaluate it only from the negative side. In this case, the contrast between what happened to you [left your husband] and what could happen [husband - became a tyrant or even worse], if you take into account exactly - a worse scenario, a little will reassure you. Just imagine this - a worse option, in which your husband would become a real tyrant for you, and compare it with what you now have, that is, with the fact that he left you, and feel the difference. This difference, if you think about it carefully, will become a kind of analgin for your soul.

Secondly, after you understand that, quite possibly, not everything is as bad as you thought, and perhaps very good, you will need to deal with the reason why your husband left you. This must be done in order to determine your next steps. Perhaps you are more to blame for this, perhaps he, or both of you made an equal contribution to your separation, or perhaps yours simply wanted to live a new life and therefore went to another, more interesting woman from his point of view, because he so wanted, and he told you that it was you who were to blame for his departure. This often happens when a husband leaves his wife for another woman and at the same time blames his wife for his departure, which in reality is not to blame for anything before him. Or he could just run away, not so much from you, but from those difficulties that he did not want to overcome with you. Some men, damn them, run away from material difficulties, from pregnant wives, from their children, whom they do not want to feed and educate. Yes, dear women, there are such cowardly egoists who think only of themselves and, at the first difficulty, make their legs. So then think about what to do if the husband left with the child, that is, if he left the woman at the most difficult moment. There are many such bastards, unfortunately. So here it is dear women- You definitely don’t need to return such a man. There will be little benefit from him, a lot of harm, and besides, at any moment he can betray you again. So do not refer to love-carrots - if you cannot forget your rascal husband - seek help from specialists, let them help you get rid of this painful and harmful attachment to an unreliable person.

Well, if the reason for his departure really lies in you, and you yourself understand this, then you need to analyze all your mistakes that you made in order to correct those that can be corrected and prevent them in the future. Just, you know, dear women - do not rush to conclusions regarding the degree of your guilt in what happened. Find strength in yourself and carefully analyze your whole life for Lately. Think ten times over the reasons you think caused your husband to leave you before drawing any final conclusions about them. And if necessary, then think eleven and twelve times. How reasonable are these reasons? Is there something in them that can be challenged, that you can doubt, that you need to think about better in order to figure it all out? After all, you can’t trust your husband in this matter. He, as I said above, can tell you anything, shifting all the blame for his act on you. By this he can justify himself in your and in his own eyes. So over every reason that, from your point of view and from the point of view of your husband, made him leave you, you need to think carefully before deciding on the degree of your guilt in what happened. If it’s hard for you to figure out the reasons for what happened, and this often happens, then seek help from a psychologist, let him help you understand why your husband left you. I assure you, in such cases, the opinion of a psychologist is much more objective than the opinion of the woman herself, who, due to emotions, tends to talk about herself and her husband very superficially. And even more so, it will be much more objective than the opinions of her friends, who, guided by women's solidarity they can simply take the side of their beloved girlfriend, and start blaming the man who left her for everything, without going into any details of what happened. Or vice versa, they may, for various reasons, condemn their girlfriend, unreasonably considering her to be the culprit for her husband's departure. Girlfriends are different, and they also have their own interests. Understand that depending on who is to blame for the fact that your husband left you, your further actions will depend. Therefore, this issue should be taken very seriously.

Thirdly, when you find out, with the help of a psychologist, or with the help of an independent analysis of your situation, why your husband left you, you need to decide what to do next. Do I need to return it and can it be returned, or should I look for a new man? You need to think carefully about this. In any case - do not rush, do not immediately rush to do something - return your old husband or look for a new one. We must wait. Now your task is to calm down, and only then you will need to take action. For now, for a better understanding of what happened, write down everything that was said above on paper. Write down all the positive and negative aspects of your husband's act. What's wrong with him leaving you? So what's so good about it? Just do not say that there is nothing good in this - I will not believe it. Also write about when living with your husband would be the worst alternative for you to leave him. Remember what I wrote at the beginning of the article when I said that there are tyrant husbands, life with whom is like hell? Now, imagine that your husband is just such a person [and perhaps he really was like that] - a tyrant who, having left you, made you a free woman! Well, about the reasons for what happened - also write. What are you guilty of, what is he guilty of, and be sure to explain why he is guilty of something and why you are guilty of something. On paper, all your thoughts will become more orderly and clear, and by focusing your attention on them, you will begin to calm down - your emotions will begin to cut and fade. And that's exactly what you need right now. Calmness, only calmness, everything will work out only when you calm down.

Please pay your attention to something else - if a woman is abandoned by her husband, this does not mean at all that something is wrong with her. It doesn't matter, you hear - it doesn't matter what your husband said about you when he left! His opinion is just his opinion, it can be based on anything, including his own selfish interests. So I will ask you to refrain from low self-esteem, because the opinion of one man, especially if it is the wrong man, is not true. Think well of yourself, no matter how much you contributed to the breakdown of your family. You will always have time to realize and correct your mistakes, but now you definitely need to maintain your vitality. It is important for me to gather you, gather your heart and soul, wipe your tears, cheer you up, restore your self-confidence, encourage and set you up for further struggle for better life. Help me with this. Please. Then, even if the devil himself comes out of the underworld - you can deal with him! And the departure of your husband, you will even survive. All the best is ahead of you, life, you yourself know, is a striped thing, so the current black stripe will definitely be followed by a bright one. light streak. And anyway, who said that now you have a black streak in life? Everything must be treated with understanding. Everything that happens in our life is for the better! If your husband left you, then that's the way it should be. So you need! And all these streaks of life exist only in our mind, it is we who color them in different colors, including the dark ones. But in reality, life has no flowers - it just is. So let's not see other people's actions as a problem for ourselves, let's see new opportunities in them. Now, after your husband has left you, you are a free woman, and this, you know, is a good opportunity to build a new life. You should definitely use it!

As for your actions, you should by no means immediately look for a replacement for your husband. And you won’t be able to do this until you, so to speak, come to your senses. It is necessary to wait a little in order to restore emotional strength and approach this matter calmly, deliberately, with all responsibility. After all, your choice will depend on your further fate. Often depressed, confused, unsettled by the departure of her husband, women are not able to adequately perceive reality for some time. Therefore, it is highly likely that without recovering psychologically, a woman may run into a rogue, trying to fill the void formed after her husband left. So do not rush, everything has its time. Take a break, think carefully about what your future life should be, what kind of man you need, where you can find him, what you can interest him in. In general, you need to approach your further actions thoughtfully. Do not be afraid, everything will be fine with you - you will find a new man for yourself over time, and arrange your life, and you will forget your husband who left you. Because it all depends on you. And since everything depends on you, you do not need to be afraid for your future - it will be exactly the way you make it. Decide to suffer and shed tears - you will suffer and shed tears, and if you start acting decisively, deliberately and purposefully - you will come to a happy life.

In that case, dear ladies, if your husband left you through your fault, and you want to return him, then before you do this, be sure to carefully study all the mistakes you have made. These mistakes will point you to your shortcomings, which you will need to correct. You need to change, you know? You can't just tell your husband that you won't misbehave anymore and that's why he needs to get back to you. Be an adult, you need to not only admit mistakes, but also correct them, and more importantly, exclude the possibility of making them in the future. Without this work on yourself, you may not even try to return your husband. Until you change - don't really change, inside yourself, your husband will not return to you. And in order to change, you, again, need to calm down, carefully study all the negative aspects of your character, study your behavior, because of which your husband left you, and then begin to methodically and consistently correct all your shortcomings. And only after that you can invite your husband to return to you. If he loves you, he will not rush to look for a replacement for you, he will give you a chance to correct your shortcomings. And if not, if he doesn’t like it, then it doesn’t make sense to return him. It will go away anyway.

Finally, I want to tell you, dear women, that any, I emphasize, any woman in any situation can arrange her life. Husband's departure is not the end - it's the beginning! This is the beginning of a new life! There is no need to be afraid of anything, no need to cry, get angry, go into depression, close from the outside world, hate all men, and so on. All these negative thoughts and emotions will only hurt you. Fear, anger, hatred, depression are your enemies. They do not allow you to see the possibilities that are before you. Having dealt with these enemies, with the help of your mind, you will survive any difficulties and hardships. Life is arranged in such a way that all the best in it is ahead! You just need to know how to use the opportunities provided to you by life. Which I hope you do.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello! The person I love left me. My hands drop, I don’t know how to live on and whether it is necessary to live at all. I feel loneliness, emptiness, resentment. No energy to get up and go to work. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I want to die. Only the son stops. He is from his first marriage. Ex-husband also left me, went to another after 10 years of marriage. I am now alone in a strange big city. My salary is enough to rent a house, there is no more food left. I'm desperate. Help me please. I began to pray, but it does not help. Nothing helps me. What should I do, how should I get myself together? It's like a huge hole inside me, and the earth is leaving from under my feet. I don't know what else to write. I want to die, but I'm afraid. Hanging yourself is too scary. Jump from the 17th floor the best option, but other people live here, many with children. Why do they need it? God forbid he sees another film. I'm thinking about pills. True, I'm afraid that they will begin to clarify me and everything will come out, and instead of death and eternal rest, I will become disabled and become an even greater useless loser.

The psychologist Zhuravlev Alexander Evgenievich answers the question.

Hello Anna!

Let's wait for suicide! Please!

And, by the way, remember: death is spectacular and beautiful only in the cinema or on stage. It is a fact.

First, I want to express my sympathy to you. You are going through some serious drama. Despite the fact that everyone seems to be alive, the stress of breaking up with a loved one is very serious.

Moreover, in addition to, so to speak, a love drama, you are also experiencing a period of material difficulties.

I don’t quite understand why you now call your place of residence “an alien big city”, but I can perfectly imagine the degree of your loneliness.

By the way, if you continue to communicate with us, then write in more detail about how you live now, what you are doing, how everything has developed, etc.

You went to him, and he left you and your son? And now you feel at a dead end?

What actually happened?

You see, at least you should finish your story! Don't be in a hurry to end your life.

I won’t talk about the fact that your own future in the form of a son is growing in you - this is already understandable.

There is a little man who loves you JUST SO, for nothing! He loves, believes and, most importantly, absolutely TRUSTS you. It depends entirely on you, which makes your life harder, but richer, richer, more voluminous and much more meaningful. than the millions of women to whom God does not give a child!

You are ALREADY happier than many, many. It is worth being grateful for this.

What about the men??? - And the men in the form of "the only cute")))) will definitely be.

There is one secret that I will share with you.

I do not know the details of your breakup, but I can tell you that there are two parameters by which people evaluate the attractiveness of each other. ONLY TWO!

1. Healthy appearance.

Formal health, which is different for everyone, is not quite what is meant. To a greater extent, here we are talking about action, dynamics, the desire to live, energy.

Dynamic, cheerful, energetic and positive people we are attracted and will always be attracted!

Moreover, dynamics, efficiency, activity, love of life - are the key to the longevity of relationships. We will always gravitate towards those people whose "volume of the soul" is greater.

But, of course, everything should be in moderation: a person who is nearby should not disappear behind the love of life. By the way, interest and involvement in the affairs of a partner (ON A REASONABLE AND CORRECT LEVEL) is also an indicator of the volume of the soul.

2. Satisfaction.

It is the feeling of satisfaction that tells us whether we live correctly or not!

The point, again, is not in the formal satisfaction of needs, but in the feeling of fullness and fullness of life itself.

If a person, say, has serious personality problems and does not work on himself in any way, then he will never seem satisfied. But as soon as a person begins to DO SOMETHING, in order to correct the situation, adjust and build his coordinate system, then we will see a completely different picture!

It will be a different tone of existence: there will be interest in life, responsibility and desire! And if so, then thoughts will appear about satisfying desires, an object (object) of interest will appear, and a sense of responsibility for steps towards the intended goal.

Behind it all is one thing: ACTION.

When we act, we are both satisfied and healthy (in the formal and informal sense of the word).

Anna! Prayer is also an action. But only we always perceive prayer as magic: you said a certain number of times a certain "spell" and - here it is! The magic happened and the situation improved without our participation!

Prayer, Anna, is an action within our consciousness, an action of the soul, directed primarily at ourselves!

Tell me, is it difficult or easy to forgive yourself and those who offended us? Is it fast? Is it like taking and letting go?

I don't think. In any case, not always. This, Anna, is work. This is a long and very intense action. That is, for this to happen (forgiveness) you need to work! And maybe work for a long time. And this work is very specific, because discipline and formal perseverance are needed, and not conviction, faith and sincerity. Conviction will come, faith will come, and sincerity will come with the first feeling of relief. And first you just need to pray! Pray as often as you can. And in prayer, ask God to let him forgive and let go of the person who offended us.

Nothing will come of it if prayers are combined with criticism and self-criticism!

This is an important condition. Stop criticizing yourself and others! Forever!

"I forgive you for not being the way I would like you to be" is all we are allowed in terms of criticism.

Criticism is the essence of discontent, resentment, negative tension and, as a result, painful discomfort, discomfort.

But if we want to be effective, satisfied and healthy, then we are out of the way with criticism and self-criticism!

We must learn to say "thank you"! For all! Even for what it is customary to hate!

The one who left you actually gave you the opportunity to express yourself, to understand, to become independent and strong, and, therefore, happy!

Thanks to him for identifying and highlighting problem areas that need to be worked on! Thank you!

We must at least do something! You have to start somewhere!

My suggestion is to start with planning. Just an hour, a day, a week. Just plan. Everything is structural and concrete, everything is only taking into account oneself, beloved:

rise, morning, afternoon, evening, lights out.

First, practice by planning an hour of your time. ALWAYS include a rest for 5-7 minutes during this hour. By the word rest, I mean a very specific WORK:

pray, forgive, plan, say thank you.

The same words, at the same time, without undue burdens.

Plan to work on yourself in the purely physical sense of the word. I'm talking about formal exercise. Be sure to turn on squats - this simple and familiar exercise from childhood will magically (or rather, hormonally))))) improve your mood. Let the exercises take five minutes an hour.

Anna! Everything that I advise is feasible and accessible in any material and social situation, in any life situation.

I'm not telling you that you need to work, you need to look for sources of material support. It goes without saying!

To begin with (and this is the main thing) you must remember that you just need to live!

I am sure that there are strengths in you, there are victories and successes, there is something that you can be proud of.

It is necessary to REMEMBER that the fragile and frightened Anya (it's you) DESERVES PRAISE AND ENCOURAGEMENT. And the best praise can (and SHOULD) come from Anya herself!

You did something right - praise yourself.

Resist from something wrong - reward yourself (at least with candy !!!)

Praise yourself for EVERY STEP THAT IS DIFFICULT! Even if it's just that in the morning you have to get up on time for work.

We remember about satisfaction and a healthy appearance.

We remember the dynamics, energy and desire to live.

Learn to say thank you and forgive. Including yourself!

Are planning! We begin to slowly create the reinforced concrete structure of our lives. The plan is the structure. And the structure is the core, the foundation, the backbone! There is a core - we are stable!

- "I praise myself"! Always! No criticism and no self-criticism!

To live well. Life is Beautiful. Especially if you are loved! And at least two people love you: you and your wonderful son!

A man (THAT SAME) will definitely arise because you are attractive! You don't have to look for it!

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“I can’t help the fact that I fell out of love with her.”

If man throws woman So this is a big blow for her. She perceives this as the end of the world, waiting for at least some explanation for this, trying to understand why this could happen.

But even people who are close to each other can not always explain themselves. A man, most often hurting a woman, feels embarrassed, ashamed of this and wants to leave quickly without any explanation. And the woman continues to hope that their relationship will be restored, and will continue. For a woman, this is a shock, the world around seems to stop, the sea of ​​tears begins to storm, the treacherous pain inside burns her, her hands drop, self-esteem drops, and her legs do not want to go further, because there is nowhere to go.

The reasons why a man may decide to break up with a woman may be as follows:

• he does not love her and never did, he just wanted to have fun and have a good time.
• feelings were killed by everyday problems.
• could not stand jealousy, tired of constant scandals. The woman ceased to evoke warm feelings in him, instead she began to simply annoy him.
• if a woman is to blame herself, because she cheated on a man, rarely anyone can understand and forgive such a betrayal.
• a woman was with a man only because of his money, he understood this, and accordingly left.
• he found another, better than the one that is, he saw the future with this novelty and wants to build his life in a new way.
• the woman tired him, and in general the family is too tiring, but for him the main thing is a career.
• if a woman wore a mask, pretended to be another, at first she loved him in every way, did not make scandals, communicated with his friends and relatives, but at some point she gets bored and the mask flies off her face, under which the true face is shown. The man realizes that the wrong person is next to him and leaves.
• does not want responsibility, does not want children from her, does not see any future.

Telling a person “I don’t love you” is much more difficult than just starting to ignore and gradually move away from him. This applies to both men and women. But, it so happened that men are supposed to be gentlemen and they should not offend women. If a woman says to a man “I don’t love you”, then she is usually perceived as a proud and confident heartbreaker, but if a man says such words, then in the eyes of a woman he will certainly look like a goat, but he certainly does not want to. Therefore, a real man will make a woman leave him herself, which is a logical solution for someone who ignores you. But if a woman does not understand this, then tears begin.

Should you try to stop a man who is leaving you?

No matter how the man tries to explain himself, but if he did not have love for the lady, then all his words are empty arguments. In this case, you should not try to hold him, call him, anyway you will not be satisfied with his explanation.

Do not call him, do not write, do not arrange meetings and scandals. Although maybe he just decided to check how much you love him, then, literally in a week, he himself will want to meet you, curiosity will prevail.

And if he does not contact you, then he has finally and irrevocably decided to leave you. But even if he calls, then think about it already, but do you need him like that? Think about the seriousness of his decision and, in general, about his feelings for you, will a person who loves hurt his beloved? The conclusion suggests itself, but it's up to you.

Poll: how do women experience a breakup?

Svetlana, 24 years old, manager: “My beloved man fell out of love with me in one day. Everything happened so suddenly that for a long time I could not understand what had happened, I could not believe what he was saying. One fine morning, he woke up and said that he did not love me, that he did not feel anything for me at all, he said that he was bad, but I was good and that I needed to look for another suitable man and build a family with him. I couldn't understand why this could happen. I still don't believe that feelings like this can quickly go away, for no reason. I loved him very much and love him, I want to be only with him, I see my future only with him. I have no idea what to do now, how to continue to live, how to behave. I cry all the time, this is the first time this has happened to me, I have never loved anyone like him.”

Ekaterina, 31 years old, doctor: “My man left me. It seemed to him that he was in the wrong place and was in the wrong place and with the wrong one, that his feelings were dissolved. But he does not leave me, he wants to communicate with me and be friends. I feel like he sometimes reaches out to me, although it may seem to me, I don’t understand what is happening at all, and I can’t switch from those relationships that were, to those that are now, I’m confused. We lived with him in a civil marriage, and then suddenly such a break in relations. Something incomprehensible is going on in my soul, and I don’t know how to get out of this chaos, it’s hard for me.

Victoria, 20 years old, stylist: “Today a month has passed since my man left me. He just left me, did not really explain anything, only said that I was his mistake. He packed his things and went to his parents. All week I called him, his parents, wrote SMS, came to their house, but all unanswered. I cried endlessly, my heart was simply bursting with pain, even sedative pills did not save me from hysteria. Now I don't live in real life, I just see dreams, because only there we are together with him. The world around me collapsed. But there is still hope inside that one day he will return, I am ready to forgive him, I want to be with him, I cannot live without him.

What goes on in a man's head before leaving a woman?

Anatoly, 35 years old, legal consultant: “I have been living with my woman for 7 years, we are both over 30, we had a beautiful and romantic relationship with her. But suddenly a thought arose in my head: “She’s not the one!”. I let this thought develop and now it is very difficult. I remember the phrase: "We are responsible for those we have tamed." She doesn't know about it yet, but she probably guesses and feels it. I feel responsible for those years that I was with her and for those empty hopes, but I don’t see a future with her, I can’t imagine her walking with me through life, I realized that I was deceiving myself and her. Now I'm scared, I'm afraid to tell her about it, because I know that it will hurt her, and I don't want to be the cause of suffering. You can cold-bloodedly tell her directly, but the thought of the wound that will arise in her after that haunts me. I don’t know what to do, but I know for sure that this cannot continue.”

Igor, 25 years old, programmer: “I leave girls, reducing relationships to an empty place. Constant reasons to avoid a meeting, all sorts of trips and affairs, frequent words "I'm busy, maybe I'll see you later, then someday." After such a girl, they usually wean themselves from communication, respectively, at this moment I inform you that it is time to end this relationship. Everything is simple and hassle-free."

Dmitry, 38 years old, technologist: “A real man is always able to make one woman happy, then another, and so on. If I'm gone, then why more words? So it must be so, so love has passed, so he left. Why else explain something, here and so everything is very clear.

What to do next for a woman and how to live on after parting with a man?

• Just live on. At first, you can just exist, do ordinary things and try not to think about anything. Stick to your diet, don't cry or get upset. Yes, it is difficult, but over time everything will pass, and the pain will subside, be patient.
• Calm down and talk to your close friends or just kind people who can feel your situation, or who already had something similar.
• You don’t need to rave about pain, you don’t need to constantly think about it, by doing this you are killing yourself even more.
• Switch your attention to something else, watch an exciting movie or show.
• Get to bed on time. Avoid alcohol, cigarettes and tranquilizers.
• Find yourself a new hobby. It, of course, will not replace your ex-lover, but it can still distract you.
• Go to school or work, communicate with people and do not withdraw into yourself, go to the gym
• Go to a psychologist.
• Remember that time is the best medicine. Do not think about what happened, it's in the past, nothing can be changed and you just need to start rebuilding your life. There is a lot of work, so start right now, and leave the past in the past, because that's where it belongs.

“Deal with men with dignity. If he asks to be let go, then let him go. A man is the same tram, if he left, then you should not run and catch up with him, because a new one will come soon, maybe even better. A breakup is always the beginning of a new life. Imagine that you were born again into the world, your life is a blank sheet of paper, start drawing it the way you want.

Ahead of you are new men, new novels, new adventures and, of course, female happiness. If a man decided to leave, then this is how it should be, and you should not persuade him to stay, take responsibility that everything will be fine, because it definitely won’t be, so don’t waste your strength and nerves. If he does return, then it will be his personally conscious decision, do not put pressure on him and convince him, this will make it even worse. Live on, because you have only one life.

Is there a last chance?

Do not rush to conclusions, do not ask yourself the questions “why and why” this happened. Give him the opportunity to sort out his feelings on his own. You will analyze later, when you can think adequately, but now it is better to wait. Perhaps your relationship has really run its course, and you should be apart for a while, and perhaps leave forever.

If he still did not return to you, then do not regret it, just live on, convincing yourself that this is not the person who will be your support in life.

Believe in yourself and you will be happy.

Have you been thrown?