Why can't you forget a person for a long time? Psychology. How to forget a person and return to life after breaking up

As soon as you have a breakup, you should immediately cut the person out of your life.

You're done, accept it.

The first advice of a psychologist on how to forget a loved one forever will be just that. Your past reality does not exist.

Your former relationship dead, the person is dead. Start looking at it this way now.

Let go of the past completely.

You seem to be reborn and start from scratch.

New world, new people.

2. Absolutely no contact with former lovers

Remove any connection with a person:

• in the Internet;
• by phone;
• by mail;
• Skype and other means of communication.

3. Remove from life all psychological anchors that evoke memories of a former passion

What anchors need to be removed from life in detail:

• common music that you spent time together;
• gifts (either hide in the basement, or give to friends);
• do not go to those locations and places where you had cool dates together before;
• any forgotten things: be it clothes or a lens from a former passion that has not been thrown out before (it's time to throw it away);
• delete shared photos and videos on your computer, phone and other media.

Follow these steps, and you will get rid of restless thoughts about how to forget the person you love, but he does not have you, without any conspiracies and other nonsense.

4. Do not fall into his perception: do not think about what his head is doing

Do not fall into someone else's perception and do not think about what the former partner's head is doing!

Otherwise, you will fall into the pain of loss.

Do not be interested in the life of a past partner and do not fall into someone else's perception.

What does it mean in detail:

1. You should not care about the relationship of the former partner and with whom he is now.
2. It doesn't matter if your ex is suffering or not. On this moment only your well-being matters.
3. Do not hang or stick on the page in in social networks from a former person.
   Knowing that he is doing better will not make you feel any better.
4. You don't get better or worse at hearing rumors or some news about a past person.
   Absolute and complete indifference!

Implement this principle and no longer need the advice of a psychologist on how to forget a person with whom you will never be together.

5. Don't blame yourself for never being together again.

In such cases, the focus of a person can only be occupied with negativity, and it is a mistake to make only yourself the culprit.

Otherwise, negative energy will accumulate in you.

It is not your fault! What happened happened.

You don't have to beat yourself up!

A fine line which needs to be remembered.

1. It's cool that you look for your mistakes, analyze your behavior so as not to repeat your jambs. BUT: find these mistakes and don't attack and don't blame yourself!
2. Find mistakes for yourself, so as not to repeat them in other new relationships, and not to go back to the past partner!

You find your mistakes so that you don't repeat them with a new partner and never step on the same rake again.

Remember this, and you no longer need to look for answers to questions from psychology about how to forget the person you love quickly and in a short time.

6. We learn new insights and lessons so as not to step on the same rake again

Lessons are learned through analysis.

The analysis is done with pen and paper, asking yourself as many questions as possible, and answering them in writing.

The more questions, the better.

1. Who is to blame for the fact that you initially chose the wrong partner?
   Answer: myself!
2. Why did this happen, how did you let it happen?
   Answer: I had no personal boundaries, I had a poor idea of ​​the person I wanted to see next to me.
3. What kind of person do I want to see next to me, what do I allow and what not in a relationship?
   The answer indicates the exact characteristics of the personality, not the appearance.
4. What did I understand and learn from past relationships?
5. What mistakes should I not repeat again with another partner?

Be as sincere as possible with yourself when you write the answers to these questions.

Thus, you will solve your problems yourself and there will be no need for the advice of a psychologist on how to quickly forget a loved one and start new life.

7. Don't be lonely: Know that you are always full of choice.

You must have faith that you will have another person with even more emotional connection and chemistry.

Know that you are always in abundance of choice. You can always find a soul mate.

You should not look at this as an everyday duty and a need to get a new partner as soon as possible.

Just understand that it is foolish to keep in your head what is no longer there until your death.

Accept change and don't resist it.

Any break you have this is a time of great growth for you.

Remember this and don't worry about how to forget the person you still like.

8. Do not blame your old partner and do not hold a grudge against him, remove the bitterness

Some people like to continue texting their ex or calling from time to time even a year after the breakup.

People hold in themselves the anger and negativity of past relationships, which then manifest themselves and have an effect in the next relationship. By having the same mindset in a new relationship, all the old mistakes will be repeated over and over again.

Don't fall into this vicious repeating circle.

A fine line. Instead of falling into anger at your partner, it is better to deeply thank him for what happened!

Through hatred, you yourself will maintain an energetic connection with your former lover, cling to him and why give energy to negative thoughts in vain. Do you need it?

You can easily fall into such hatred. Get rid of it, and by doing so, you will remove the worries about how to forget the person who hurt you once.

9. After a breakup, don’t label everyone as “they are all like that,” otherwise you yourself will attract such people into your life.

Often we hear from a person after a breakup: “All men are goats” or “All women ...”.

They painfully broke up with a partner, and now they themselves are looking for evidence in everything that “all men are like that” or “all women are like that ...”

And they do it unconsciously and do not understand it.

And you know what? It will be like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You will really attract these people to you.

And also having these attitudes in your head, you yourself will unconsciously look for such negative characteristics in other people, try to look for confirmation of them.

Why do you need it?

Stop lumping everyone in the same category, and no longer ask questions about how to forget the person who betrayed you or acted in a certain way, not living up to your expectations.

10. Realize that nothing is permanent in the world, everything comes and goes.

Look at it from the spiritual side.

• You were born alone and you will die alone. Nothing is eternal.
• Everything is constantly changing. And it is useless to resist change. These are the laws of the universe.
• Do not cling to old emotions and memories.
• Life is like a slide. You are up and down. And that's what makes it interesting.

Realizing this, you will save yourself from the dilemma of how you can forget the person you love very much and blindly.

11. You must still be open-minded to a new person, aware deep down of the fact that nothing lasts forever.

There is such a trap of the mind: "To think that the relationship will last forever." Don't live this illusion!

But at the same time, you still open up to new people after breaking up old relationships, you are not afraid to open up and expose your real self to others.

Keep opening up 100% with other people and sharing moments together.

But realize deep down that there is an end to everything.

Example. You eat delicious ice cream. You can enjoy it. Enjoy the process. But deep inside you are aware and understand that the ice cream will run out.

If you think that you will continue to eat the same ice cream non-stop for the rest of your life, you are trapped in your mind.

He leads you by the nose and plays with you.

Be aware of this. Know all about in between.

It will be useful to remind yourself of this for women who are wondering how to forget a married man whom you love and still dream of some blind hopes in relation to him.

A fine line

• Don't forget to enjoy the process. It's like enjoying life until you die.
• It's the same thing with relationships: enjoy them because they can end.
• But do not deprive yourself of enjoying relationships with this knowledge.

Wise words of Osho in the video

On our site you can also to get over breakups and breakups relations.

12. When looking for a new partner, do not compare him with the old one, do not look for a replacement for him, look for and create new experiences

1. Do not try to find the same partner that you had.
   Don't look for the same person.
2. Don't make comparisons.
   It only spoils and destroys everything.
3. Don't look for the same personality characteristics as your ex.
   Do everything for a new interesting experience!
4. Do not impose the former manner and style of communication as it was with an old partner when meeting a new person.

You can also talk about attachment and love addiction in a new publication.

Remember these principles, and you will stop worrying about how to forget your loved one if you see him every day.

Example

Otherwise, for example, the guy broke up with the girl and now, when meeting a new one, he wants the new girl to behave in the same way as the former.

Then he imposes new girl a pattern of behavior that does not belong to her.

But she behaves in a completely different way, the guy’s expectations are collapsing and this negatively affects your flirting and the process of rapprochement.

It is a mistake to see a new person as a replacement for the former.

It only makes your condition worse.

Do not try to close your pain with a new partner!

13. Review your personality traits, remind yourself of them

There is such an illusion after parting that now, allegedly, "you are not self-sufficient, because you do not have a soulmate."

It is especially found in girls who are disturbed by restless thoughts on how to forget their beloved man.

When it's all over, it's time to go back and re-evaluate your personality.

It is important to remind yourself of them!

You need to reconsider the new you that went through this whole journey with a past partner.

Continue to enjoy life, discovering and learning even more of a new you.

14. Understand that your passion, self-sufficiency and love are always with you, no one can take it away from you

Let's look at three simple steps on how to forget a loved one, and analyze the psychology of such perception.

1. Realize that no one can take away your passion and true purpose from you.
2. No one can take away your life, your partiality.
3. Your self-sufficiency should never depend on externals. Whether you have a significant other or not, you are still self-sufficient.

15. Allow yourself to be with a better partner, let go of old limiting beliefs.

We attract who we are.

You must realize that you can attract the best partner.

But the paradox is that people don't want to be with the best partner!

Why does this happen to people?

Because after a long relationship man taught himself: “I love my soul mate. I don't want the best for myself, I want the best for both of us."

Track this habit in yourself and get rid of it.

People cannot believe that it is possible and necessary to forget the person whom you love unrequitedly and blindly.

16. Do not look for a new partner because of revenge or in order to make the old one jealous.

• Do not fall into the trap of your ego! Don't have these low, insignificant selfish motives.
• It is a gross mistake to find new partners only for the purpose of asserting themselves in the eyes of the former!
• Otherwise, by such actions you will only strengthen the thought in your mind: “She/he is the only one”.
• And then all your selfish actions in order to arouse jealousy or out of revenge are a big reaction to a former partner.
• Let it all go and enjoy a completely new partner, share your passion with each other.
• Have the perception “Now your ex is a random passer-by” and there is no point in thinking about him.

Keep these principles in mind to close your questions on how to forget the person you love and see every day.

17. Don't make the following common mistakes that don't solve problems

What does NOT solve problems after a breakup:

1. From alcohol, all sorts of substances, random connections of meaning and benefit to zero.
2. Trying to travel or move is all trying to run away from the problem and pretend it doesn't exist. It's like a soldier was shot in the leg, and he went on a forced march to run a kilometer and pretends that everything is super with him.
3. Remind yourself of negative qualities ex man and about the negative in past relationships - this is another absurd advice! By following it, you are still thinking about it! You will spend a lot of energy on these thoughts, the negative takes a lot of energy.
4. To think of some other person is the most useless advice. This is tantamount to telling you not to think about the pink elephant that pops up in your head anyway. Not thinking is also an action, which is also energy-consuming.

It is better to re-read all our advice again and live in harmony. They contain everything you need to realize and what to do to forget the person you love unrequitedly, once and for all.

Most often, when one has already made plans for his separate life for himself, and for the second, a break in relations becomes an unexpected blow. A so-called “grief syndrome” may arise, which dulls feelings and protects from the colors of life for a long time. Is there an answer to the question: how to forget a person with whom we will never be together, whether to listen to the advice of a psychologist?

How to survive a breakup and at the same time not cross out everything beautiful and bright that was in your past relationship, make your own personal experience with their wealth, and not with a heavy load? Can the pain of separation help you discover your strength and experience the joy of meeting a new person?

What happened yesterday? How to remember? How to remember?! Ahh, I remember! Bliiiin! How to forget? How to forget?!
author unknown

Research psychologists

According to research, the process of experiencing separation can last from 3 months to 3 years, it all depends on the individual.

Inability to cope with psychological trauma can lead to nervous breakdowns, and in the future - to the emergence of psychosomatic diseases.

In order to cope with how to forget a person with whom you will never be together, there are advice from psychologists that offer a universal and fairly effective scheme for overcoming the consequences of parting.

Psychologists distinguish three phases, in turn subdivided into 6 stages, which any person goes through when going through a breakup, regardless of its reasons.

1. Revision phase

The initial phase is divided into 3-4 stages:

• denials;
• expressions of feelings;
• after parting;
• stages of dialogue and bargaining.

The revision phase is the most difficult emotionally. Realizing the need to establish relationships with oneself, eliminate internal contradictions, build an internal core that will allow one to remain in balance without focusing on someone from outside, a person often feels a strong heartache, which literally does not allow you to be distracted.

Denial of the reality of the gap is associated with such emotional manifestations as avoidance, misunderstanding, self-pity. Denial has several options. You can deny the end of the relationship in whole or in part, or you can devalue them, consoling yourself that nothing terrible happened. There is a feeling of understatement, I want to write and continue some unfinished conversation. The person continues to waste energy on false hopes and maintaining non-existent relationships.

For a successful transition to the next level, you need to stop all attempts to return a person and give up hope for his return. Otherwise, you can be stuck in a state of denial for many months and years. Psychologists consider it normal if the stage of denial passes in 3-5 weeks, but it can take up to a year and a half, depending on the mentality and character.

If there is no one to say:
"- Do you remember?"
There is nothing left but to forget.
Valentin Domil

Recognize the right of a loved one to be free

Do not search social networks for information about the former, do not find out through friends how he is doing. Talk about him and your relationship as little as possible, and in general, try to think as little as possible about everything that can upset you.

No matter how the period of denial proceeds, sooner or later it will move into the stage of expression of feelings, in which irritability, anger, anxiety and shame come to the fore. At this point, people tend to begin to feel the reality of what is happening. They wonder how to forget a person with whom they will never be together, they seek the advice of a psychologist and very vividly experience all the negative emotions associated with this.

Resentment and guilt, directed both at the culprit of the breakup and at oneself, self-pity, blaming the person who left, searching for the reasons that led to the break, and as a result, meaningless self-digging are also manifestations of the stage of expressing feelings.

At this point, there is no point in holding yourself back. If an internal ban on aggression is turned on, and the loss is not mourned, then a person can live at this stage all his life. This stage is very important in order to subsequently be able to understand yourself and the situation.

In order not to get completely confused in the storm that will be happening in the soul, you can try to write him a “letter” listing all the claims and unspoken grievances. This well-known technique of psychology, which allows you to let go of the past and start living in the present, helps to look at the situation objectively, not to interpret what is happening and not to finish the situation. When writing a letter, it is important to note the feelings that this or that memory evokes.

At the same time, it is not necessary to send it, but it can be destroyed immediately after writing. Breathing practices such as grounding and centering also help you focus and achieve calmness.

After that, the stage of dialogue and bargaining begins, when you can set yourself a time interval and conditions when it is still possible to resume relations.

The most important thing here is not to relax and not let the process of healing from a painful gap take its course. Because the next inevitable stage is the stage of depression. Its main features are tension, apathy and a sense of helplessness. crowding out own feelings and the removal of one's own pain leads to inner emptiness. At this stage, people often commit rash, stupid and often irreparable acts.

A characteristic feature of the stage is the presence of obsessive thoughts. According to statistics, only a tenth of the mental suffering from a breakup is directly related to the impossibility of further close relationships. The remaining 90% are conjectures and fantasies that bring painful devastation.

And in order to cope with these symptoms, you must first understand that these thoughts are an external, hostile force that is trying to plunge into despair. The thought that we accept and begin to think about becomes ours, and we ourselves hurt ourselves. If you try to understand these thoughts, it turns out that the ideas from which they are "collected" contradict each other. For example, many girls think that somewhere there are women who are absolutely and completely happy, do not need anything, they are loved. But such a state of complete satisfaction cannot last indefinitely.

Another example of such ideas: an abstract, somewhere existing ideal guy with whom you can be happy forever. This is a big misconception. Everyone has problems. The main thing is not to transfer your past mistakes into a new relationship.

Human memory is a strange thing. She stubbornly keeps what she wants to forget as soon as possible.
Janusz Leon Wisniewski. Irresistible desire for intimacy

2. Disposal phase

This phase is directly related to the admission of defeat, but entails the search for new ideas and the creation of a new concept of life.

As a rule, acute pain has already subsided, a person fully accepts what happened, adapts to new realities.

Conducted internal analysis helps to see the situation as it is, to assess their real and imagined feelings and needs.

Ruthlessly remove from your life everything that in any way reminds you of former romance: Delete all phone contacts, SMS messages and shared photos. Throw away all memorable gifts and souvenirs or put them away in a separate box.

3. Separation phase

Psychologists call the separation phase the final phase of the complex process of breaking up relationships. One day there comes a moment when you realize that you can look into the past and no longer feel such strong emotions as resentment and anger.

You feel ready to meet new people, you feel the strength to implement new cheerful plans, hope for a near joyful future. Your self-esteem and self-worth increase. Gradually, new impressions fill life, paint it in new colors. The mention of a former lover and everything connected with him no longer brings mental suffering.

The easiest way to survive a breakup is in excellent shape - change your image, arm yourself with impeccable styling, perfect manicure and makeup. Buy new perfume, fashionable clothes, stylish shoes. Try to be in as much as possible interesting places, at master classes, exhibitions. Learn something new. If you have long wanted to visit a new place, make an exciting journey - the time has come.

Conclusion

Although the path to liberation from the past often becomes difficult and painful and takes a considerable amount of time, this ailment is treatable. Almost always, people who are faced with the question of how to forget a person with whom they will never be together, following the advice of a psychologist, receive such a complete release that they can hardly imagine that a breakup could hurt so deeply.

Even when feeling pain, we must understand that by making efforts to restore inner balance, it is possible to gain a sense of relief, discover new potential in ourselves and feel the joy and harmony of life. When the heart becomes truly free and open, then you are ready to meet your soul mate.

We hope that our advice will be useful to those who are trying to survive the abrupt end of a relationship. And we'd love to know how you got on with it.

I can't forget you in any way.
And in my head there is a complete mess.
Your image is everywhere before me.
What a pity you were not sent to me by fate.

Anguish is tormenting my soul more and more.
Oh, if you knew that I really need you.
You can't run from it, you can't hide, you can't hide.
I so want to sleep, I so want to forget.

I would fly like a free bird above the clouds,
Not knowing tears, sadness, disappointments,
Do not wait desperately for unrequited love.
Only the blue of the sky would be my cherished dream.

Waiting for the clear dawn
Fully immersed in love
Passing through the barriers of prohibition,
I admired them until the morning ...

I drew dreams in the sky
In the midst of a sea of ​​fabulous stars,
And I thought that in the world
I will not meet gloomy dreams ...

Heart blinded by love
Yepla entwined by the sea,
Forgot to close your doors
And suddenly the cold broke in ...

I can't fight it
I want to calm my heart
Forget and return to the past
I really want to, but I can't...

I so want to forget you
but you're all around everywhere
you could break my heart
but I didn't know it would be like this

4to suffer all the time
suffer and cry endlessly
not much time has passed
and I'm alone as before

But maybe somewhere in the depths
still in your soul
a little of that love for me
4it seemed to us both like paradise

You say hello to me on the phone
but no you don't recognize me
after all...

The last drop of rain
You float.
The ship of my heart
Takes away all dreams.
And the sun is a ray in the darkness of the night
Doesn't want to warm up.
I can not forget you,
Erase in your soul.
May you not be the one about whom
I dreamed.
And you know I don't like
I do not love you.
But strangely enough:
I can not forget.
And every moment is so good for me
To be together.
How to deal with feelings
Not easy.
How I want to tell myself
"Gone."
With your bottomless gaze
You bewitched.
With your bottomless gaze
My peace...

The man is sad... The man is silent...
And the rain beats harder and harder on the window.
Not turning on the light... The person is sad...
From the window into the rain ... Silently he looks.

The man is tired... The man did not sleep...
In his life he ... lost something.
Unaware of the rain ... What is not happy with him ...
The man in the window... Silent and gloomy.

Man does not remember... Man forgot...
How long ago... someone... passionately he loved.
Man dreamed... Man flew...
Only someone suddenly ... Stole that love.

And since then, always ... One person ...

The man lived in the world
Lived like everyone else - did not stand out.
Imperceptible, gray was
Bowed before power.

Strength breaks straw:
That's how he liked to talk.
Before the strong bent his back,
Well, he could beat the weak.

He did not look into the eyes of people,
When I spoke to them.
Appointing himself as a judge,
Judged by the eyes of others.

Smiling only with lips
And there was coldness in his eyes.
He lied, caressing with words,
Destroying everyone where he could.

Man lives in the world
He is always in the shadow of everyone.
And I wish not to meet
You such...

Your relationship failed and you need to start a new life? But can't get out of the circle of despair and depression? Life ceases to please, people begin to annoy, everything seems gray and dull.

And although you realize with your head that this is not the end of life, some unknown force makes you think only about him.

How to forget a loved one? Psychological advice is exactly what you need.
Read on to find out the secret quintessence of getting rid of the pain of loss in love.

A month, two, or even six months, a year has already passed, and you still can’t stop chasing thoughts about your beloved after parting? There can be many reasons for this.

And most likely you are afraid to admit to yourself in their existence. After all, then you have to face the truth and start life from a new leaf. Here are the most common ones:

1. Do you have an opinion that real love there can only be one in a lifetime. Therefore, you are subconsciously not at all ready for parting. After all, if you forget your only love, then you can never be truly happy.
2. You are not at all in the mood to cut off all the ends. In fact, with all your heart you want to return everything as it was, to glue the broken glass together.
3. You do not want to leave memories, because they do not bring you tearing pain, but only pleasant sadness in the past. You like to remember those times when you were together, how good it was for you two.

How to forget a person after breaking up once and for all - three simple steps?

Step #1

• The first step to liberation will be to break everything that binds you to him: move to another apartment or even a city, if possible, not communicate with mutual friends, change your circle of friends. In a new life there is no place for old memories.
• If you really want to forget your loved one, then just cut him out of your life. This is the first rule. At first it may seem that this is impossible, but it is not. As if the person is no longer alive, and your relationship has faded forever. In short, put a bold point.
• To do this, clean all contacts. phone, computer, absolutely all instant messengers.
• Destroy all things that are even fleetingly reminiscent of the former. This includes:

1. Music that you spent time together.
2. Cafe, park or other places where your dates took place.
3. Your joint photos and video recordings.
4. Gifts or forgotten things - you need to get rid of all this without regret. If you want to forget a loved one, get rid of pain and longing, but keep a good memory of him, then best solution will hide the photo and things reminiscent of it somewhere far away for a while.

   Step #2

• The next step is to fill life with new interesting events and experiences. So you will not have time for sadness and thoughts about a former loved one. Even in such difficult moments in life, when everything inside is torn apart, it is important to remain calm and positive thinking. Without this, it will not be possible to change life radically.
• Enlist the support of relatives and closest true friends. It will be good to tell one person everything that hurts in your soul. But you don’t need to turn it into daily conversations on this topic. Throwing everything out at once, and then not returning to these painful thoughts anymore - that's what you need to try to do.
• Perfectly helps in such situations to organize a short trip to a warm country or just a beautiful place. New impressions and rest have a positive effect on the healing of spiritual wounds.
  Drop all the stereotypes about the fact that love suffering is hard and long experienced. You do not have to play the role of a victim with a broken heart and shed tears all day long, do not leave the house for a month and lie on the couch around the clock. This is your life and it is fleeting. Therefore, there is no need to waste time, if you feel the strength to endure this pain quickly and start a new life, just do it. After all, sooner or later you will have to do it anyway, so why kill yourself while spending time in depression?

  Step #3

• But you should be careful with the moment you start a new relationship. A wedge is knocked out by a wedge - many people think in this way. But in fact, this is very dangerous. If you have not yet calmed down enough and healed past wounds, then, alas, it will not work to create strong harmonious relationships. There is a high probability of getting an unhappy relationship with a bad ending again as a result.

Case from practice:

I met my first husband while still at the institute, started dating, got married in the 4th year. It was my first love. Everything was fine, we were happy, we graduated from high school, we thought about having a baby.

But I began to notice my husband's cooling towards me and it suddenly turned out that he was cheating on me. I made a scandal, selfless happiness was replaced by a sharp pain in my chest ... My husband did not make excuses and ask for forgiveness, he just said I fell in love with another, packed my things and left. And then I was left completely alone, even recent dreams faded into the background and only pain and emptiness remained.

I suffered in futile attempts to forget my beloved and start a new life for 3 whole years. I wanted to lay hands on myself. Seriously frightened for myself, I went to a psychologist. A few consultations and surprisingly it became easier for me, the psychologist just talked to me, and at first glance it seemed how this could help.

But after about 2 months, the first profound change took place in me. Somehow, thoughts came to my mind on their own: “Yes, and let him go where he wants and let him be happy. And I'll be happy with someone else." So I got to my feet.

I became enthusiastic about my work, my friends immediately noticed the changes in me. A year later, I met my real and only now husband. Thank you very much psychologist for the work done! Without him, I would not have come to my senses so quickly and adjusted my life. Now it all seems like a terrible nightmare from a dream.

If you see him every day

This happens most often when there was a relationship with a work colleague. And if they come to an end, the problem arises - how to stop thinking about it.

After all, you meet every day at work, and maybe even several times. But there is always a way out. Moreover, it is also quite simple. The first two steps will be the same as in the rest of the cases:

1. Throw out anger and resentment and let go. Holding on like a drowning man to a straw makes no sense. If you already had to leave, then to indulge yourself with vain illusions is to your own detriment.
2. Take care of yourself - direct your energy to work, self-development, improving appearance, etc. There are many interesting things in the world.
3. But the third step will be individual for this situation: limit communication with the former soul mate. If you do not need to communicate, then it is better not to do so. Do not be afraid that by such behavior you will reveal your feelings. This is an absolutely normal situation. Get as far away from him as possible. Mentally wish him new mutual love and go on your way.

To stop thinking - don't do

• How familiar to many is this situation: you want to get rid of the painful memories of a person who broke your heart, but in fact, actions indicate the opposite.

1. Do not get out of his page on the social network.
2. You ask mutual friends how the former passion is doing, how he lives and breathes, if he has a new love.
3. You constantly think whether he is still suffering or has already forgotten and found another. In order to put an end to painful thoughts, you need to stop doing all this, since they only tie you to this person even more. And this is the opposite effect of what you want to get.

Interesting fact: According to statistics, to find your most suitable partner, on average, you have to change 7 people. Naturally, without parting here will not do.

• Drop the blame

Thinking when you blame yourself for everything does not benefit us one iota and it is fundamentally wrong. Of course, one should not avoid responsibility and blame only others. Yes, most likely you made a mistake and more than one. But the fact that you broke up cannot be changed, all the more so with empty accusations in your direction you will not fix anything.

Feelings of guilt carry negative energy. Therefore, always think about your mistakes only for the purpose of winding up the lessons learned on your mustache. And it is worth striving to apply the experience gained already in new relationships, so as not to enter the same river twice.

• Don't dwell on loneliness

Even if you want to howl at the moon, you should not fall into negativity from thoughts of loneliness. The fact that you are now without a partner is not fatal, and this will not last forever. And this does not mean at all that you can be included in the circle of losers.

Look at the gap from the positive side - this is the time for your growth and self-improvement. around a lot interesting people with whom your connection will be even stronger. Do not get hung up on one person and gloomy thoughts that all good things are over.

• Stop resentment and anger in your soul

The emotional pain from a breakup provokes thoughts of hatred and resentment towards a former loved one. Since it is associated that he is to blame for everything bad that happened to you. But you can't really blame anyone for what happened.

Both of you voluntarily started a relationship, through the fault of both you could not save it. Whatever negative character traits a lover has, you don’t need to concentrate on this and think about how you managed to connect life with this person. Any pain is forgotten over time.

It is better to let go of evil thoughts and resentment. Good way To do this, thank your ex from the bottom of your heart for everything he has done for you. After all, if you think about it, there were a lot of good things. Yes, and such an important lesson in life you received thanks to him.

• They are all so...

Do not be misled that all people of the opposite sex treat their loved ones equally badly and are not capable of pure feelings, are not ready to work for the sake of relationships. If you think like that, you will only encounter such instances. After all, you yourself wanted it!

It would be better to carefully analyze why such thoughts arise and drive them away from you. What we have in our heads is what we get in reality. So transform your thinking!

• Learning to work on mistakes

In order not to step on the old rake in a new relationship, you should conduct an analysis. This is done very simply. Take a pen and paper and ask yourself the right questions, those that will help you understand yourself.

For example: Who is to blame that I connected my fate with this person?
Of course, myself!

For what reasons did this happen?
I did not know exactly what kind of person I needed, I was blinded by feelings and did not see a person as he really is.

What qualities should the person you want to be with have?

What mistakes have I made in past relationships? How did this affect their development?

Having carried out such an analysis, you will protect yourself from the following searches for a life partner “in the blind”.

If you still love, how to forget quickly

• The universe is fickle

For many, this is not the most joyful news, but nevertheless, no one can change this. No one has only good things in life. Although small, problems still happen. Our life can be compared to a zebra or a roller coaster. That's up. down, then black, then white. If you deeply realize this thought, it will become much easier.

• Don't be afraid to open up

  For many, after the end of an unsuccessful relationship, an unpleasant aftertaste remains in the soul for a long time. The desire to meet and meet with the opposite sex disappears. There are thoughts that it is better not to start new acquaintances, it is better to sit quietly on the sidelines. You won’t be very happy, but you won’t experience severe pain, such as during a breakup. Or people communicate, but behave very constrainedly, they are afraid to open up and show themselves as real. This does not make much sense, because the previous advice should be remembered - everything is impermanent. But you don't have to dwell on it either. It is better to relax and have fun when fate favors you.

• Don't make comparisons

When you have reached a new level and found a person suitable for communication, do not start comparing him with your former soul mate. Don't expect your new favorite to be a copy of the previous one. Better try to find in him good features that the one you broke up with did not have. Otherwise, you will not get out of the circle of regrets that that person will never be returned and you will never be as happy as before.

• Do not succumb to the stereotype: lonely means flawed

Women are especially prone to this misconception. They begin to feel incomplete without a partner. To think so is a big mistake. We need communication with the opposite sex to bring additional emotions and colors.

But each person can be self-sufficient without relationships at all. In order to become more confident in yourself, read our article. Listen to yourself and develop!

• Don't Tie Happiness to Relationships

Another age-old stereotype is to think that without a love relationship it is impossible to become happy. Only a person who loves himself and life to a great extent can become happy in love too. If, on the contrary, there are many unresolved problems: from self-esteem to self-realization and problems at work, then it is unlikely that you will be able to create happiness with another person.

Because relationships are not a panacea for all ills, but just something with which you can open up even more. Your personal happiness does not depend on external conditions and on other people. And not a single person, even a prince on a white horse, will turn your life into a fairy tale by magic.

• Give up motives for revenge

Love sometimes plays tricks on us. And we start acting stupid, instead of building our happiness from scratch, we start chasing the ghosts of the past. We try to make this ghost jealous, and start a relationship just to annoy him. such behavior is too selfish and here the end does not justify the means.

Not only are you misleading your new partner, you cannot get rid of the old one, but you are also harming yourself. After all, such actions directly indicate that your feelings do not cool off, and you are doing nonsense instead of starting a new life.

How easier it is to delete from life and live on - the “Psychology” technique

Among psychological tricks there is one interesting simple thing. Get yourself a separate notebook or notebook. And at the end of each day, write something like this: "The happiest day for me" - today's date and day of the week.

Next, describe all your joys and happy moments, even the smallest ones, that made your day at least a little better. For example, we met a cute kitten on the way to work. Or the store has a discount on your long-awaited item.

About a week of such evenings and you will finally join the flow aimed at positive and joy from life.

1. Seek happiness at the bottom of a bottle, in a pack of cigarettes or other intoxicating substances
2. Dream about the return of the "prodigal" husband
3. Annoy with calls and meetings to a former loved one, try to sort things out and prove one's case
4. To return thoughts to the fact that this person did bad to you and to be indignant at such injustice
5. Invent obstacles in the relationship of the former with new girlfriend and bring them to life
6. Change partners like gloves in the hope of finding your only one and drowning out longing
7. Complain and cry about your hard lot

Probably, you already understood that just these tips should not be followed in any case.

How to forget a loved one? The advice of psychologists is working with a bang. Not everyone can handle this on their own. The help of friends and relatives, of course, is very necessary at this stage of life, but sometimes the closest people, because of their lack of professionalism, wanting to help us, actually give the wrong advice.

To avoid this error use online psychologist consultation. Working with a psychologist is aimed at solving such difficult life situations.

Many of us are familiar with the situation when, after parting with a loved one, we cannot forget him for a long time, mentally continue the dialogue, recall some situations. The loss of love is a strong mental shock, which is easier to survive if you understand the reasons why you cannot forget those you loved.

Love deficit

The reasons for this phenomenon lie in early childhood: if a child experienced a lack of love from his parents, then, having matured, he seeks to find loving person and often falls into an emotional dependence on the chosen one. When parting, he experiences a fear of loneliness. He is afraid to be alone, there is a fear that he will not meet another love.

We often need love so much that we don’t think about whether our partner needs the same strong feelings. An addicted person clings to his love, which is why it is so hard for him to forget his chosen one even after a long time after parting. Italian professor of psychiatry Roberto Assagioli suggested that parting with love addiction You can by reviewing your childhood problems and replacing them with new attitudes.

Fear of losing your comfort zone

Long-term relationships create a comfort zone around the couple: they have joint memories, mutual friends, interests, well-established life, established habits. It is hard for us to part not only with a loved one, but also with the usual rhythm of life, stability. Therefore, we subconsciously do not want to forget those with whom we shared a common comfort zone. We are afraid to leave the comfort zone, and at least in our memories we try to keep the people with whom we felt good.

However, psychologists believe that personal development is possible only outside the comfort zone. You need to look at past relationships from a different perspective: perhaps they held you back, and it's time to forget about them in order to open up to new impressions and opportunities.

Unrealized expectations

Do you have big plans for life together with a loved one: a cozy home, common children, a long happy life and peaceful old age. But because of the breakup, these expectations never materialized. Since the plans were connected with a specific person, it is difficult for you to give up your dream and forget your chosen one, and thoughts of re-reunion visit you with amazing persistence.

According to the psychotherapist Fritz Perls, such "unresolved needs" cause mental blocks and become the causes of neuroses. To get rid of them, you need to clearly recognize unrealized plans, formulate and release them. The vacated space must be filled with new, realistic desires. Displaced by fresh plans, the image of a former lover will become less likely to remind of himself.

Unlived emotions

Unresolved contradictions, remaining grievances, unexpressed emotions lead to the fact that we cannot forget the person we loved. Mentally, we continue to conduct a dialogue with him, scroll through the scenarios, look for suitable words to explain our actions. Such an emotional sediment, which has no statute of limitations, psychologists call "incomplete gestalt." Most often, it occurs with a partner who is not ready to end the relationship: it is difficult for him to accept a fait accompli and let go of the chosen one.

The best way out of an unfinished relationship: talk with a former partner, dot all the points, give vent to emotions. If for some reason a dialogue is not possible, psychologists advise either therapy, where you can speak out, or a presentation of your experiences in the form of letters to a person who is hard to forget. But these letters do not need to be sent to the addressee, and at the end of therapy should be burned.

Fear of losing yourself

English psychiatrist Robert Skinner believes that people are united by the principle of similarity: we choose a partner who is as similar to us as possible. In the chosen one, we like our own traits, habits and even complexes. In such cases, it seems that they have known a loved one all their lives. We are happy when we see our second “I” nearby. Therefore, in the event of parting, it is almost impossible for us to forget the chosen one - we are afraid of losing part of ourselves. The greater the similarity, the more difficult it will be for you to part.

But the fact is that your partner is still a different person, and he may have his own idea of ​​\u200b\u200blife and building relationships. To get out of this situation with the least losses, you need to recognize your right to individuality. Try to find as many differences as possible between you and your chosen one. Recognize your uniqueness and originality. At the same time, learn to see in your partner not your own reflection, but a completely different person. By getting rid of the fear of losing yourself, you can forget your beloved.

Uncertainty in the new chosen one

If a new relationship does not develop quite the way we would like, our subconscious idealizes the previous partner, endows him with virtues that the new chosen one lacks. We constantly compare them, thereby not wanting to come to terms with parting.

In this case, it is necessary to analyze past relationships in order to understand that not everything was so perfect. You will definitely remember the habits of the former partner that annoyed you, situations in which he did not behave the way you wanted. Focus on the negative aspects of previous relationships. At the same time, try to find as many positive qualities of the new chosen one as possible.