Relationship between husband and wife. How should a husband treat his wife? Beloved wife
Each person builds relationships with his wife in his own way. Whoever does not measure his actions with Shariah law builds his relationship with his wife at the discretion of his nafs, i.e. souls, ego. Some are proud that they frighten their wife, force them to fulfill any of their whims, showing their “courage” and strength in front of her.
Others, on the contrary, give the wife complete freedom of action, allowing her to do whatever she pleases. Some exalt the abilities and virtues of the wife infinitely, allow her to put on clothes that contradict not only Sharia, but also the traditions of Muslim peoples.
A best relationship in the family, these are those that are commensurate with the requirements of Islam. The path of the Islamic religion is fully consistent with human nature and does not allow going beyond the permissible, for this is the path indicated by Allah. Therefore, a person who measures his actions with the religion of Islam will never make a mistake.
Let us list some points of the ethics of a husband honoring his wife, which Islam requires from him:
1. A husband must treat his wife well , patiently endure the inconvenience that she gives him, without exacerbating and not paying too much great attention to her hurtful words and actions, if they do not cross the boundaries specified in the Shariah, mercifully forgiving her emotions.
The Quran says:
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ (النساء، 19)
Meaning: " You are always friendly to wives in all good deeds "(Quran, 4:19).
2. If a wife is obedient to her husband, he should not quarrel with her , you should not offend her or make a distinction between wives, if he has two or more of them, you should not oppress them.
The Quran says:
فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُم فَلَاتَبْغُواعَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا (النساء، 34))
Meaning: " If they obey you, do not look for ways over them”, i.e. do not look for ways to quarrel with them and ways to punish them "(Quran, 4: 34).
The beloved Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in his farewell sermon also bequeathed to us: “ You don't hurt your wives "(Muslim). He patiently endured what came from his wives, and forgave their weaknesses as a lesson to future generations.
Anas bin Malik said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) was the most merciful to children and wives among people "(Muslim).
3. A husband should not be limited only to a tolerant attitude towards their shortcomings. , you should joke with them from time to time, please and amuse them. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) also joked with his wives.
Ashab Anas said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) was the most cheerful man with his wives "(Bazzar). Another hadith says: The person who is most merciful to his family has the most perfect faith and the most beautiful disposition. (Narrated by al-Bukhari and Ahmad).
4. However, you should not indulge her in everything. , pamper your wife too much, there should be no room for permissiveness. When you see that she is doing something that is not in accordance with Sharia and common sense, you should show your displeasure.
Her soul is like your soul, there is no difference. The soul can be compared to a horse that obeys if it is curbed from the very beginning, and it is difficult to control it if it has shown its weakness. Everything on earth and in heaven rests on discipline and order, and everything that goes beyond the boundaries goes into its opposite, therefore, in relation to the wife, one should adhere to the “golden” mean. You can not dissolve it too much, because its character may deteriorate. You can not show excessive firmness, because she will feel oppressed.
In everything it is necessary to stand on the path of truth, it must be taken into account that among women there can be insidious, rude, nervous, ill-mannered, ignorant. To protect yourself from their harm, you need to follow the true Sharia educational potential. Since women are weak by nature, their spiritual weaknesses must be countered with mercy and jest, and gentle, tender word. The lightness of their conduct and the firmness of their resistance must be contrasted with sound policy, wisdom and firmness. The husband in his actions should be like a skillful physician who uses medicines according to the patient's illness.
5. If a husband has suspicions that can lead to inadmissible and dangerous consequences, he should not pretend that he does not notice anything . You should not be too suspicious and jealous with or without reason. Here, too, moderation must be observed. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) forbade at a late hour specifically, unexpectedly for his wife, to visit her for the purpose of checking (unless there is a convincing, good reason for this.) One of the indecent actions of modern men can be considered coming home with numerous friends, where everyone eats, they drink and have fun, while his wife and daughters serve them, put food, drink, etc. on the table for them, and at the same time their clothes are often open, not in accordance with the requirements of Islam. It is also indecent to visit a friend with his wife, daughters, especially if they all eat together, drink at the same table, joke and have fun with music, dance modern dances.
According to Sharia, it is also not approved for wives or daughters to walk around markets and streets without special need. It is not approved of women going out in public in too beautiful, catchy or revealing clothes. This must be prevented by the husband. If a wife or daughter shows signs of obscene behavior, a man should not pretend that he does not notice anything, you should not turn a blind eye to this, for such people are cursed by Allah himself.
6. You can not limit the wife in expenses and in clothes , at the same time, one should not be too wasteful in relation to her, one should always adhere to moderation.
The Quran says:
وَلَاتَجْعَلْ يَدَكَ مَغْلُولَةً إِلَى عُنُقِق سْطِ (الإسراء، 29)
Meaning: " Don't be too greedy and don't be too wasteful ”, i.e. do not spend money without measure, too wasteful (Quran, 17: 29).
The hadith says: The best of you is the one who treats his family best "(At-Tirmizi).
Another authentic hadeeth says: If we spend one dinar in the way of Allah, one dinar to free a slave, one dinar as alms (sadaqah) for the poor and one dinar for our family, then we will receive the most reward for the dinar spent on our family "(Muslim).
It is better to sit down for a meal with the whole family, and not eat alone. If the family eats together, then the angels read a good prayer for them. It is better to give the food left after the meal to the poor, the husband should offer his wife to distribute it to the poor. If the wife knows that her husband will approve of this, she is allowed to distribute the remaining food to the poor without the husband's instructions.
7. It is forbidden to support a wife and children on funds received from the sale of alcohol, from usury (riba) through theft and robbery. At the dawn of the spread of Islam, the wives and daughters of the head of the family leaving to work asked him this way: “Do not bring us anything obtained by the forbidden way, we are ready to live in poverty, for it is easier to endure poverty than to endure the torment of the fire of Hell, which can be earned by eating the forbidden.”
8. Husbands who allow their wives to leave the house with their bodies uncovered or perfumed to attract the attention of others will have to answer for this on the Day of Judgment.
The hadith says: Each of you is a trustee, and each of you is responsible for your charges. "(Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
9. The husband is obliged to teach his wife the basics of faith (iman), Islam, prayers, to give an understanding of behavior during the menstrual period according to Sharia about what is forbidden and what is permitted. If he himself does not know, then he should ask the learned theologians, and then pass this knowledge on to his wife. If the husband does not give the wife the necessary knowledge, then she herself is obliged to go to a theologian, ask him and learn in this way. The husband should not forbid her to go to the Alim for the necessary knowledge, if he himself does not go to him and teach his wife.
The Quran says:
يَاأَيُّهَا َاالنَّاس وَالْحِجَارَةُ (التحريم،6))
Meaning: " O you who believe, protect yourself and your family from the fire of Hell, which will be fueled by people and stones. "(Quran, 67: 6).
10. Those who have more than one wife must observe equality between them as in property security , as well as in interpersonal relationships. If he spends one night with one wife, he must spend the next night with another. It is forbidden to visit one wife, breaking the queue at night, except in special cases (illness, etc.). If there is no special need to go to her without a queue, then you should not visit her during the day. If, due to illness, fear of divorce, or a quarrel, one wife gives up her turn to visit another at night, then in this case the husband is not released from the punishment for sin, except when she voluntarily, sincerely allows him to visit another wife, breaking the order. The hadith says: If a bigamist does not observe equality between wives, then on the Day of Judgment he will rise lopsided "(At-Tirmizi and others).
11. If the wife behaves inappropriately and does not obey the just demands of her husband , or, due to negligence and carelessness, misses prayers, or refuses the requirement of sexual intimacy, the husband should politely instruct his wife, relying in his explanations on the requirements of the Koran and hadiths, to talk about the sinfulness of her behavior and about the reward for submission. If she does not reciprocate, then the bed should be divided, i.e. sleep alone or with your back turned to her. And if even then she does not understand, then it is allowed to punish her, but gently. It is strictly forbidden to hit her in the face or injure her. It is also not allowed to reproach her for her deed after the relationship has improved and she repented.
A husband has no right to offend his wife. Only for religious reasons, for the sake of preventing evil, if there is expediency in this, the husband has the right to scold his wife and punish her. But he does not have the right to scold and call her obscene, vicious words, crossing the boundaries of decency and permissibility.
The Quran says:
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ (البقرة، 228)
Meaning: " There are rights and obligations that a husband must observe to his wife, just as there are rights and obligations that a wife must observe to her husband. "(Quran, 2: 228).
Some people who are ignorant of Islam think that allowing a wife to be beaten in Islam means her humiliation. They do not understand that this can be the only and last "cure" for those wives who do not obey instructions and do not understand their wrongness even after the separation of the bed. But at the same time, it was not in vain that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in his deathbed bequeathed not to offend women.
If Sharia laws were in force, then those husbands who offend their wives would be punished by Sharia courts. But, if they are not punished today, then on the Day of Judgment they cannot escape the punishment of Allah Almighty, because oppression is the darkness of the Day of Judgment, and this should not be allowed, first of all, in relation to their households. May Allah give us the strength to raise a family in such a way that You will be pleased. Amen!
Quite often, men and women think about how a husband should treat his wife. After all, it is no secret to anyone that harmony in the family depends to a large extent on this. Yes, it is believed by many to be achieved through the behavior of a woman. But at the same time, a man should behave with dignity. Otherwise, there will be no harmony. After all, a woman is the same person. She should not tolerate bullying and disrespectful attitude towards herself. So what features should be taken into account so that the relationship between the spouses develops well?
The first and rather important point is respect. Without it, it is impossible, in principle, to imagine a normal relationship. How should a husband treat the wife he loves? Respect.
It does not mean to be henpecked at all. But a man should respect his beloved woman. It is impossible to insult, humiliate and offend, all the more, it is impossible to raise a hand against your wife. This is the height of disrespect. It is also not recommended to speak unflatteringly about the parents of the spouse.
Equally
The relationship of husband and wife is something that cannot be described briefly. Each family has its own rules of behavior and relationships. Despite this, there are still common features.
The next piece of advice is treating the woman you love as an equal. And in any situation. Usually, this feature ceases to be observed when the wife goes on maternity leave and sits at home with the children, not replenishing the family budget. Even in this case, the husband should not reproach the woman. Spouses are equal members of the family. In any case, in Russia. This rule is regulated at the legislative level. Therefore, it is worth remembering that a man and a woman in the family have equal rights. You can't hurt them.
conversations
How should a husband treat his wife? Conversations between spouses require special attention. It's no secret that women tend to communicate a lot. And men are not. They are short and to the point. 
Support and sympathy
Support
home, child, entertainment
Pregnancy
- respect;
- attention and understanding;
- equality;
- manifestation of care.
According to Sharia
Bible
Among the instructions are:
How should a husband treat his wife? Conversations between spouses require special attention. It's no secret that women tend to communicate a lot. And men are not. They are short and to the point.
What's next? If a dispute arose, in no case should one stoop to humiliation. If emotions take over, you should either avoid dialogue or communicate with the woman calmly. As much as possible. Wives are emotional people. Very often they remember everything that was said by their husbands in the heat of the moment. And in the future it will play a cruel joke with a man.
Support and sympathy
How should a husband treat his wife? Women, due to the special structure of the psyche, the structure of their organisms, need sympathy and support. Especially if there are any problems. You should not immediately decide everything for a woman. First of all, you need to support her and sympathize, empathize. Both in word and deed. Show tenderness and affection when the wife needs it.
A husband is a support for a woman. Therefore, the spouse must be sure that the beloved man will be able to support her in difficult times. This is extremely important. Maybe for a husband, sympathy and empathy are not so significant. But for the wife - quite. A marriage in which a girl does not have support from her beloved man is doomed. Most likely, she will start looking for her on the side.
Support
How should a husband treat his wife? It has already been said that a man is a support for a woman. The head of the family, the "stone wall" that protects from troubles and dangers. This is the behavior of a real man.
The most important thing is that there really is support. And that it was not an illusion based on words. A beloved wife should feel safe with a man. Then she will be able to give her affection and love to her husband. Only in this case, harmonious relations are possible.
Unfortunately, now the trend is such that wives begin to take on some of the male duties, and it is not possible to rely on the spouse. As a result, internal family problems arise that cannot be solved in any way. loving husband is a reliable protection and support for a woman. A person who gives confidence in the future.
home, child, entertainment
It has already been said that spouses in marriage should be on an equal footing. Now some specifics. Quite often, after the wedding, the beloved wife begins to serve her husband, takes care of the house, life, and family. In the modern world, women, as already mentioned, often work to help their husband provide for the family. And then they take over the "second shift" - they do household chores.
Such a phenomenon is detrimental to relationships. How should a husband treat his wife? Help with the baby and around the house. Give the woman time for herself. And if the husband rests from time to time (for example, once a week he goes fishing), then the wife is entitled to a similar day of rest. This is especially true when both work. It is unfair if, after a hard day, the husband sits down to play at the computer, while the wife cleans, does laundry, cooks, does homework with the children, and so on.
In other words, there should be mutual assistance and mutual understanding in the family. Of course, every good husband must remember his masculine duties. And don't involve your wife in them. If it so happened that, for some life circumstances, a woman began to perform male functions, the husband takes on some of the female ones. This is a guarantee of equality and successful relationship, harmony in the cell of society.
Pregnancy
Very often people are interested in how a husband should treat a pregnant wife. After all, during this period, a woman's body is rebuilt. Someone becomes calm, someone becomes an unbearable hysteric. How to behave?
- Pregnancy is not a disease. This should be remembered. But, as many say, it's easier to go to work with a cold. It should be remembered that during pregnancy a woman is most vulnerable. Therefore, it is recommended to be patient and not react violently to emotional changes.
- Again, pregnancy is not a disease. Shaking over your wife, as over a crystal vase, is not necessary. But it is worth listening to the requests of a woman in a position.
- Support and attention is what a pregnant woman needs. If the wife asks to go for an ultrasound and look at the baby, it is better for the husband to agree. And show interest in the unborn child. The woman will be pleased.
- Tantrums and strange desires of the wife are a temporary phenomenon. They, as already mentioned, must be endured. In no case do not threaten with a divorce, do not leave the girl "in position" alone.
- Less stress. A woman whom a man loves needs to be protected from any trouble during pregnancy. After all, your baby's health depends on it!
All these tips will help a man to show himself as a loving and attentive person. Of course, all other features should not be forgotten either. Basically, the key to success is:
- respect;
- attention and understanding;
- equality;
- ignoring some female emotional outbursts;
- manifestation of care.
According to Sharia
Most of the peoples of the world have specific guidelines for how a husband should treat his wife. This is normal. What can Biblical stories, for example, as well as Muslim traditions offer?
According to Sharia, a man should be guided by the following advice:
- Communicate with your wife on an equal footing and do not prohibit everything that Sharia permits.
- Tolerate insults that a woman says. Do not respond to her aggression. Condescendingly treat your beloved during quarrels.
- To please the wife, to make laugh and entertain. But at the same time, it is important to maintain harmony, to remain an authority for the girl.
- Keep a woman. It is necessary. A husband who does not support his beloved is a disgrace to the family. At the same time, the money a wife earns is her money. She has the right to spend them as she sees fit.
- A disobedient woman (who does not follow Shariah) is worth educating. It is not allowed to hit hard, in extreme cases and not in the face.
- All wives are treated equally. This applies to both provision and attention.
- Protect and protect a woman who is a wife. Protect where it is not prohibited by Shariah.
- If, then you should not show your dismissive attitude. Humiliate, offend, insult, beat - too. It is customary for Muslims to treat women with respect.
Bible
What are some tips for male behavior in the family can be identified from the Bible? To be honest, the instructions are somewhat similar. What does the Bible say? How should a husband treat his wife?
Among the instructions are:
- A manifestation of firmness of character and at the same time tenderness for his wife.
- Beloved woman must be constantly praised, admired. Then the girl will improve.
- Be equal. Family is equality. It is required to yield to each other, to help.
- Don't criticize your wife. A woman who is next to a man is the choice of the head of the family. There is no need to criticize the weaker sex.
- Remember the importance of the little things.
- Don't ignore a woman's need to be close to a man. Attention beloved should be given in the first place.
- Satisfy the needs of his wife, treat mood swings with understanding.
There is an old Russian proverb: “A good husband has a bad bird - the queen. And the bad and the figure is a fool.
All of the above tips, if followed, will provide a woman with comfort, tranquility and coziness. The girl will gladly satisfy the desires of her husband. Therefore, it is important to understand that harmony in the family depends not only on wives. If a man behaves with dignity, then there will be an appropriate couple next to him!
Often, representatives of the strong half of humanity dream of their wives, and regardless of whether a man is married or does not have a woman on this moment. Let's consider, ...... Today, unfortunately, you will not surprise anyone with a situation where a husband is cheating on his wife. Someone is surprisingly tolerant of such behavior, believing that representatives of the strong half of humanity are by nature...
Father Oleg Molenko
Instructions to Husband and Wife on Their Rights and Responsibilities in a Genuine Christian Marriage
God bless!
Life itself, its unexpected turns, events, incidents and our reaction to them often pose a number of important questions for people living in a Christian marriage, without a charitable resolution of which life in marriage is doomed to torment, and marriage itself to destruction.
We must first establish firm foundations for marriage and relationships within it. These foundations are established on the commandments of the Lord, the instructions of Scripture and the teaching of the Church of Christ. At the same time, we must know that all types of relationships that occur in marriage need our understanding and skillful use in order to overcome all the dangers that rise up against marriage.
First of all, we must know that the very institution of marriage comes from God. God created the male and female sexes so that the representatives of these sexes would marry and cleave to each other. This is why marriage is based on three pillars:
- on faith in God;
- in obedience to His word (commandments);
- on the indissolubility of marriage (fidelity).
Matthew 19:
4 He answered and said to them, Have you not read that He who made male and female in the first place created them?
5 And he said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh,
6 so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. So what God has joined together, let no man separate.From these words of Christ God, it is very important for us to understand the following truths for ourselves:
- God created man and woman, and He created them as equal partners for the marriage union;
- Marriage and the creation of a new family on its basis prevail over the ties of persons entering into marriage with their parents. In order for a new family to appear and survive, it is imperative to leave the old one, where the bride and groom were as children;
- God does not point to any union in marriage, but to the clinging of the husband to the wife and their union into one flesh. It is the husband who must cleave to his wife and keep this clinging;
- Since the Lord God Himself combines people in a marriage union, He requires the indissolubility of the marriage union on the part of a person.
A marriage union can break up through the fault of people if at least one pillar holding the marriage is knocked out by their actions.
A marriage breaks up if one or both parties to the marriage union betray God and lose faith in Him;
A marriage is destroyed if one or two people who have entered into it cease to obey God and fulfill His commandments and will;
Marriage is destroyed even by a single betrayal with another person of the spouse, i.e. the sin of her adultery, or the adulterous way of life of the spouse (a one-time betrayal of the husband, healed by repentance and correction, does not destroy the marriage).Mt.19, 9:“But I say to you, whoever divorces his wife not for adultery, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
It is impossible to divorce a wife except for the guilt of adultery on her part, betrayal of faith in God, or betrayal of obedience to the commandments and will of God.
It is not permissible for a husband to marry another woman after divorcing his first wife for any other reason than the above.
It is impossible to marry a divorced woman for the three reasons mentioned above, communicated to us by God Himself through His revelation in the Holy Scriptures.
Holy Church of Christ points to some technical features due to which the marriage can be dissolved by her.
One of the reasons for such termination may be the clarification of the fact that the spouses were in close blood relationship, but did not know this.
The second reason for the dissolution of a marriage by the Church can be the incurable barrenness found in one of the spouses. In relation to a barren spouse, God's commandment about the indissolubility of marriage is not applied. The term for infertility testing established by the Church is a minimum of three calendar years(or more). If after three years (or more, up to seven years) one of the spouses is unable to conceive a child due to infertility discovered in the marriage, then at the insistence of the other spouse who wants to have children, the marriage is dissolved. If the spouses agree to live without their children, then the marriage is saved. A subsequent change in the desire of a healthy spouse to terminate the marriage due to the infertility of the second half is no longer acceptable. The decision to dissolve a marriage due to infertility should be made by a healthy spouse on time (i.e. starting from three and within seven years). The right to leave a marriage with a barren spouse can be used by a healthy spouse only once, i.e. if within seven years of joint married life(the years the husband or wife spent in the war, on a campaign or in prison may not be taken into account) the right to leave the marriage has not been used, then it loses its force.
The third reason why the Church can divorce spouses is the discovery of the fact that one of the spouses constantly terrorizes his half or inclines her to commit grave sins, such as, for example, theomachism, kingship, witchcraft, murder, theft, robbery or robbery, sexual perversion, child molestation, drug or alcohol abuse, etc. In all these cases, the decision is made by the church court upon receipt of irrefutable evidence of the guilt of one of the spouses.
Persons whose marriage was annulled by the Church for the above reasons (except those charged with crimes) have the right to remarry with the blessing of the Church.
The last possible reason for the termination of a marriage is the death of one of the spouses. A widow or widower has the right to remarry.
Roman 7:
2 Married woman bound by law to a living husband; and if the husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.
3 Therefore, if she marries another while her husband is alive, she is called an adulteress; but if the husband dies, she is free from the law, and will not be an adulteress by marrying another husband.The third entry into marriage of one of the spouses is allowed by indulgence to the extreme infirmity of such a person. Such a marriage is considered shameful and is not married, but is formed only by the blessing of the Church through the hierarch. Church penance is imposed on persons who have entered into marriage for the third time or have entered into marriage for the first or second time, but with a person who has previously been married twice.
The creation of a marriage must be taken most seriously and therefore, first of all, one must pray for the gift of one's spouse (wife) for salvation. In addition, the candidacy of the spouse (spouse) should be examined for possible serious consequences hanging on him (her) due to birth damage or personal sinful life before marriage. Those who wish to marry must tell each other the whole truth about themselves, whatever it may be.
The aggravation of the marriage may subsequently be affected by such facts that took place in the life of one or both spouses:
- Disbelief or false belief of the genus;
- Grave and mortal sins that were in the family;
- Demon communication that took place in the family or in the person entering into marriage;
- The dissolute life before marriage and the practice of sexual perversion;
- Committing homicide or infanticide in the womb;
- The presence in the family of suicides, parricides, fratricides, regicides, church destroyers, heresiarchs, blasphemers, blasphemers, sorcerers, rebels, theomachists, perfidious people, etc.;
- The presence of severe hereditary diseases or curses.
If by the grace of God the marriage took place and the newly appeared husband and wife began to live in the union of peace, harmony and love, then due to the envy of demons and evil people, as well as due to the weakness and inexperience of the spouses themselves, various tensions and conflicts begin to occur in marriage, which, if left unhealed, can lead to to the worst and saddest fruits.
That is why it is good to strengthen marriage, in addition to the celebration of the sacrament of the church, to enlist the following aids:
- Enlist the blessing of parents from the husband and wife (if possible). It is not necessary that the parents be members of the Church or have a common faith with the children;
- Have a husband and wife the same spiritual father or confessor, with whom both confess and resolve all emerging issues and conflicts;
- To have friendship with a good, persistent, friendly and experienced family.
In married life, the following layers or types of relationships take place:
- sojourn;
- Human communication;
- Conjugal love and consent;
- Family world;
- sexual intercourse;
- Sexual dissatisfaction of one of the spouses;
- Pressure from one of the spouses;
- Tension in relations between spouses;
- Blackmail by one of the spouses;
- Conflict between spouses;
- Contradictions and disagreements among the spouses;
- Misunderstanding between spouses, loss of like-mindedness and unanimity;
- Distrust and suspicion between spouses;
- Painful jealousy of one of the spouses;
- Loneliness together;
- material and life difficulties;
- Disagreements in relation to children and their upbringing;
- Vampirism of one of the spouses;
- The slave position of the wife;
- The henpecked position of the husband;
- Relationships out of humanity;
- Callousness and ignorance;
- Relationship disorder;
- Rejection between spouses;
- Cooling of relations and mutual love;
- Hatefulness by his wife;
- The alienation of a husband or wife (when you feel your spouse or spouse is a stranger);
- The collapse of marriage and family.
As we can see, most of the above types of relationships are negative and can serve to aggravate relations between spouses. That is why both spouses need and must constantly fight to save their marriage and overcome all the negative aspects that arise in their relationship. You need to master the art of overcoming conflict.
Both spouses should always remember that we do not live in paradise, that our earthly life is short-lived, that the spouse (wife) is an imperfect person, surrounded by his weaknesses and passions. We must remember that we are in constant war with demons, fighting with our sinful passions, evil inclinations and harmful habits. We must help each other in this struggle, and not fight each other.
It is impossible, on the basis of the words of Scripture that a wife should be afraid of her husband and obey in everything, make her her slave and satisfy her passions and lusts. If the husband is likened to Christ in relationships, then the wife is likened to the Church. The Church is not a slave of Christ, but His pure and holy Bride, whom He loves, cares for, protects, guards and communicates everything necessary.
If a husband behaves towards his wife as Christ towards the Church, then the wife must obey such a husband and obey him in everything that concerns his power or common affairs. She should be afraid of upsetting her husband or losing his favor or himself. If a husband behaves differently from Christ in relation to the Church, then he does not rise to his status as a husband and therefore cannot demand unquestioning obedience and obedience from his wife in everything. So, the whole concern of a husband is not to leave his status, to love and provide everything necessary for his wife and his children.
It is a great and harmful mistake on the part of a husband when, by his autocracy, he deprives his wife of her intra-family inheritance, in which she has freedom and respite from possible pressure from his side. It is impossible to leave a wife without such a female area of \u200b\u200bit. It is impossible for a husband to interfere with his opinion and desire in women's and maternal affairs without extreme need. In her women's area, the wife should be free and take full responsibility for the well-being and order in her area.
The purely female and maternal areas include:
- Kitchen and cooking for the family;
- The female part of marital (sexual) relations (i.e., the wife has the right to demand from her husband that he fulfill his marital duties and satisfy her in this part of the relationship);
- Cleaning, cleanliness, neatness, decoration and decoration (design) in the house;
- Laundry, repair and production of clothes;
- Maternal care for bearing a fetus, feeding and raising a baby (up to 6 years old);
- Caring for a sick husband and sick children;
- The female part of the work of receiving guests and preparing for holidays and family celebrations.
The husband, according to the needs and request of his wife, can help with his participation in the female part, but do everything according to the decision and discretion of the wife. He should not impose anything of his own on her in this area, but only humbly ask, for example, to cook this and that.
A serious mistake of a husband is his inattention to the sexual satisfaction of his wife. Selfishness in this matter on the part of the husband not only puts the wife in a painful position, but also provokes her to detach from him and cling to another man who satisfies her female needs to the fullest. The apostle Paul was preoccupied with this problem of the families under his care. Here is how he instructed them in this important matter:
1 Corinthians 7:
2 But, in order to avoid fornication, each one should have his own wife, and each one should have her own husband.
3 Husband show his wife due favor; like a wife to her husband.
4 The wife has no power over her own body, but the husband; likewise, the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deviate from each other, except by agreement, for a time, for the exercise of fasting and prayer, and then be together again, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance.
6 However, I said this as a permission, and not as a command.If the husband does not need to intrude into purely women's area, then the wife should not do it all the more, i.e. intrude into a purely male area. The wife should be content with the fact that the husband deigns to tell her about his affairs and not to extort more. Faith and complete trust in the husband in his affairs is a great advantage for a wise wife.
It is a harmful mistake on the part of a wife to humiliate her husband's manhood. It's bad when it happens alone with him, it's even worse when it happens in front of children, and it's really bad when it happens in front of strangers.
In no case should a wife reproach her husband for the fact that he earns little and cannot provide her and the children with what they want. It is also impossible to reproach your husband for his infirmities and shortcomings.
The big mistake is the quarrelsome wife. Being a “saw” wife is unacceptable for a Christian woman. If there is such a quality, then it must be decisively eradicated by repentance and prayer, as well as by careful observation of oneself and restraining oneself. The control of the tongue is very important for the wife, for the unbridled tongue of the wife can bring much harm to the husband and the whole family.
A common mistake is a wife whining and complaining about life and worldly troubles in front of her husband. If such an attitude continues for a long time, then it can turn into so-called "vampirism", when, through whining and complaints out of a passion of self-pity, the wife begins to "feed off" her husband's vital forces imperceptibly and gets used to it. Thus, a wife can keep her husband in a depressed or sick state, or even just bring her to the grave. The second way of such recharge is a conflict or quarrel arranged by the wife for her husband, which most often happens over completely unimportant trifles or far-fetched nit-picking. Demons are immediately added to the beginning of a quarrel and inflate it to a great conflict and enmity. Many sins are committed by spouses during such a conflict. Husband and wife verbally abuse each other, yell at each other, wish each other harm, threaten, or even curse in the heat of the moment. Often one of them expresses regret that he got married or got married. Added to this is the threat of filing for divorce and leaving home. Sometimes the wife begins defiantly to collect her things or her husband's things in order to put them out the door. Christians should never be allowed to do this.
It is unacceptable to humiliate the parents of a husband (or wife) in a verbal skirmish, no matter what they are in life and no matter how they relate to your family.
A big problem for any wife is the so-called female slyness. This is such an evil quality that it and the wicked wife are specifically mentioned in the Holy Scriptures. A Christian wife must fight in every possible way with her craftiness and eradicate it in herself until it disappears completely. You must counter your cunning with silence in your mind, humility, simplicity, quietness and patience. These virtues, together with repentance and prayer, will not even leave a trace of guile.
Out of her cunning, a wife often allows blackmail against her husband. Thus, she tries to get from him what she wants and what he does not provide her. The objects of blackmail can be their own children, preventing the husband from conjugal intercourse, refusing to support an important matter for the husband, which depends on the wife, and much more.
A wife should not deny her husband his desire to be with her. If there is a good reason (for example, illness or extreme fatigue) that does not allow the wife to admit her husband to her, then she should calmly explain everything to him and ask him to be patient until her full recovery. Frequent and unreasonable refusals of a wife in marital intercourse can provoke her husband to look for satisfaction on the side. This also applies to the husband. Here, both husband and wife should well remember the words of the Apostle Paul, that each of them does not control his own body in this respect, but yields it to his spouse.
However, a wife can push her husband to the side not only by refusing marital relations. Such factors can be, for example, the lack of affection, tenderness, attention, responsiveness, warmth of attitude and other things on her part towards her husband, from which home comfort and comfort are created for her husband. The wife is simply obliged to create such an atmosphere of warmth and comfort in the house so that the husband is always drawn to his house and to her. To do this, it is important for her to take care of herself, maintain neatness in the house and cook well, varied and tasty. The looseness of speech, the unattractive appearance of the wife, the untidiness of her hair and clothes, bad smell from the mouth or from the body, harshness towards the husband all this contributes to his cooling towards his wife.
A wife should always be friendly, modest, caring, attentive, laconic, kind, sincere, humble and obedient to her husband.
A great evil in the relationship of spouses is the wife's attempt to lead and manage her husband. In the people, such a situation is called "holding the husband under the heel." Such a situation not only humiliates the husband, but also the wife herself, and acts destructively on this family.
Both husband and wife should know and remember that the main source of any temptation or disturbance of the world that arises between them is demons.
You should know that it very rarely happens that God allows demons to attack both husband and wife at the same time. Most often, demons are allowed to attack one of them. That is why, if a husband or wife notices that the behavior of the second half has become abnormal (for example, the person became excited, angry, raised his voice, began to scream, swear, find fault, etc.), then you need to realize that the demons attacked your second half. half and loved one. Realizing this, one should act correctly, because the task of demons is to try through the spouse (wife) involved in them to involve the spouse (spouse) in a quarrel and conflict. The spouse (spouse) who has not yet been involved by demons must prevent this and immediately begin to resolutely fight for his wife (spouse). It is necessary to fight not with a person who has fallen under the influence of demons, but with the demons themselves. That is why it is important for an uninvolved spouse (wife) not to respond with causticity to the causticity of the spouse (spouse), to her (his) slander, insults and other bad actions and words, but instead immediately start praying for the spouse. If you answer your wife (husband), then very gently, gently, with unfeigned love and humility, realizing that now you are talking not so much with your wife (husband), as with her (his) spiritual illness (or demons). Humility and earnest prayer for an agitated spouse will surely bring good fruit. God's help will surely come, and the demons will be forced to retreat. Then you will again find your husband (wife) as he (she) usually is. This is how a real victory is achieved over the demons, who are trying in every possible way to bring discord into any friendly family.
Without sacrifice, without concessions to each other, without speedy reconciliation with asking forgiveness from each other, neither husband nor wife will be able to overcome the enemies of our salvation that are at war with us.
Compliance, willingness to give in, the mood for compliance is an excellent quality and a reliable tool that allows you to resolve many conflicts that begin between spouses at their very beginning.
It is impossible to yield only in regard to God, faith, the Church, and the work of salvation. Otherwise, it is better to infringe on yourself, if only to maintain peace and harmony in the family.
If misfortune happens and the husband (wife) becomes ill or injured, then the wife (husband) is obliged not only to take care of get well soon loved one, but also to take on those household duties that were performed by the disabled spouse.
It is absolutely unacceptable for a husband and wife to be beaten. If any fundamental disagreement really arises, then you should immediately turn to your confessor for help.
The presence of children in the family imposes additional obligations on the husband and wife in relation to them.
It is unacceptable for one of the spouses to humiliate the other spouse in the presence of children. Children easily pick up on this disrespect and often begin to use the opposition of their parents for their own purposes.
It is unacceptable for children to fight, swear and insult each other. It is unacceptable for a husband and wife to say anything contrary to their children in the presence of their children. Parents should always appear before their children with one mind and one mind in everything. Husband and wife are obligated to support each other with respect to each of their children. Disagreement between parents, and even more so quarrels and hostility between them, will have the worst effect on the upbringing of their children. Children should grow up in an atmosphere family world, consent, unanimity, unanimity, love, tenderness, affection and friendliness. Severity towards children and their punishment should take place according to need. Punishment must always be supported by two parents. It must be balanced, measured and fair. Nothing weighs down the soul of a child so much as unjust punishment by his parents. When punishing a child, the father or mother must explain to him the reason for this punishment and what they require from him. At the same time, they should punish the child not out of a state of anger and irritation, but be calm and testify to their love for the punished child.
It is unacceptable for a father or mother to walk naked in front of their young child of any gender, and even more so to let him see the act of their marital copulation. Father and mother should in every possible way support the authority of each other and respect for each of them in their children.
Parents should be able to distinguish in their children the causes of their excitement or any abnormal behavior. Must distinguish between natural causes (such as sickness, pain, or indisposition) from demonic influence. In the case of the latter, appropriate means should be taken - prayer for the child, making the sign of the cross over him, sprinkling him and giving him holy water to drink, anointing him with consecrated oil, applying a cross to him or shrines in the house. In serious and protracted cases, one should turn to his spiritual father for help, asking him to perform the rite of proofreading or a suitable prayer service for his child, as well as a special commemoration at the liturgy.
A very powerful, strong, effective and fruitful means of helping your child is reading the Jesus Prayer over him. To do this, you should sit comfortably yourself and plant (put) the child so that you can put both of your hands on his head. If there are two children, then each of them can lay his hand on. A very small baby can simply be held in your arms. It is good to moisten your palms with baptismal holy water before this and let them dry. Prayer should be read aloud, in a calm voice and measured soothing tone. There are two versions of the Jesus Prayer:
- “G.I.H.S.B. have mercy on us";
- “G.I.H.S.B. have mercy on the baby (lad) Name (i.e., the name of the child is called).
Any version of this prayer (I personally prefer the first one for its brevity and coverage of all family members) should be pronounced with attention and contrition at least 1000 times.
This remedy is so strong, holy and unique that it can not only remove any damage or demonic action from a child, but heal an ailment, calm nerves, eliminate excitement, improve memory, reason, mental abilities, ability to study successfully and much more. If you do not spare time for prayer for your child and add at least 300-500 prayers “Our Father” and the same number “Hail to the Virgin Mary” to 1-1.5 thousand Jesus prayers, then this remedy can become miraculous. With it, you can save your child from the evil eye, chronic spoilage, current illness, disorders in his body, reduce high temperature and equalize blood pressure. For example, unpleasant warts, papillomas and other unhealthy formations on the skin can go away. Wounds and burns can heal quickly and well, tumors go away, bumps, bruises and swelling go away. In any case, such a reading of these prayers over your child will only benefit him and you yourself. Work on calling on the Name of God, and It will work on improving your child's condition.
End of this work and glory to our God!
On our site you can find a lot of materials and advice for those who want to improve the relationship between husband and wife in marriage. For those who wish to build their family relationships and their love on a solid foundation, we want to offer helpful tips wives about their love for their husband and children.
Now so often they talk about unconditional love for a child that sometimes it begins to seem as if the whole family is built on this. There is a sad joke: Today children are in fashion, but fathers are not.". This is just about such family situations, when the attention and care of the mother is unequally distributed between the children and their father. If parental roles are relatively temporary, then marital roles are for life. After all, when the children grow up and leave the “nest”, we will again be left alone with our husband.
Therefore, every time there is dissatisfaction with her husband, it is very good remedy– ask yourself the question: “How can I change because of this situation?” And then very soon you will be able to see inside yourself an “untiled field” and forget about plans to “re-educate” your husband.
Paradox family life is that the husband is ready to adequately participate in the life of the family and children only when he has a good relationship with his wife.
Ephesians 5:33 "But each of you must love his wife as himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
The fact is that the husband "reads" (accepts, feels) his wife's love only through self-respect. Do not compare with yourself: we, women, are different.
1. Respect your husband's territory, then he will respect your territory. Do not clean up your husband's desk without his permission, do not throw away your husband's things without his knowledge (for example, old t-shirt or sneakers). His territory is also his personal phone, computer, his pages and folders in the computer, his diary, diaries, personal letters, and so on.
2. The next piece of advice is about personal space. The husband's personal space is also his work and his illnesses. Without his consent, you cannot share with anyone about his work, especially about her husband's problems at work (if any). Also, without the consent of the husband, one cannot share with anyone about his illnesses or sores, if any. Even asking for them. This would be extremely disrespectful to her husband.
3. Simple but important advice to wives - do not comment on your husband's habits with other people, even with relatives or with your children.
4. Listen to your husband without interrupting. This is also a sign of respect for the husband from the wife. I read somewhere: Love is not like when someone brings you a bouquet of roses and you smell them. Love is when they tell you all day about 95 gasoline and you listen to it».
5. Do not make remarks to your husband! None! Communicate the essence of the issue in other ways and maneuvers or clarifying questions.
6. Better "collect" the virtues of her husband, and not his shortcomings. It has been noticed: if a wife always scolds her husband for his shortcomings, then they intensify in him. If the wife praises and notices his good sides, then the husband becomes even better. I suggest you take a notepad and write it down. best qualities her husband, so as not to forget about them. It helps a lot in difficult times to become grateful!
7. Very important advice - admire your husband! Not only do we wives need compliments and words of admiration, but the husband also needs our admiration. There is an example when a smart, wise, rich and powerful woman openly admires the achievements of a man. This is the Queen of Sheba. She specially came from afar to personally express her admiration to Solomon.
1 Kings 10:7-8 “I did not believe the words until I came and my eyes saw: and behold, half was not told to me; You have more wisdom and wealth than what I heard. Blessed are your people, and blessed are your servants, who are ever present before you and hear your wisdom!”
8. Sexual relations are also very important point to show love and respect for the husband from the wife. Therefore, if a husband is waiting for sex in bed, then you need to give it to him. The husband should not be deprived of intimate life. And he should not feel like a pathetic supplicant, turning to his wife for affection and intimacy.
The husband must be sexually satisfied. Otherwise, the wife sins, pushing her husband into all sorts of temptations. In general, sex for a man is a very important moment for his awareness of himself, his masculinity and worldview. Therefore, plan your schedule so that you have strength for your husband, and you do not spend everything on work or children.
9. The modern world is such that society gives concessions to women, but not to men. If a man does not earn a lot of money, he is called a "loser". If a man cannot afford to buy a car, they say about him: "he is not a man." Therefore, it is not necessary to become like this world and hang "labels" on your husband. If a wife respects her husband, then everyone around him respects him. Including children respect their father.
10. Children are a wonderful mirror of family relationships. By the behavior of the children, you can immediately determine what kind of reputation the father has in this family. Since children very subtly feel who has the final say in the family.
I will give a few examples of the wrong upbringing of children by mothers in which there is no respectful attitude of the wife to her husband and children to their father.
- The husband has forbidden something to the child, and he goes to his mother for another decision.
- The child believes (and declares this to everyone) that mom knows better than dad.
- If dad and mom are together, but having received instructions from the father, the child looks at mom in anticipation of the final command to action.
- The child allows himself to discuss the actions of his father aloud.
“Our dad was lying on the couch all evening yesterday” or “Our dad’s hands are growing in the wrong place” and so on. It is immediately clear that these are "adult" phrases - mother's! The authority of the father is brought up much earlier, when the children are still small. After all, when children grow up, then in adolescence Mom can't handle them alone.
11. Also maintain the reputation of your husband among acquaintances and relatives (especially your relatives). In this regard, our mothers and close girlfriends are very “dangerous”.
12. And the last advice to wives - be sure to forgive your husband! For all! Easy and fast! We must not forget that we also make mistakes: we spill milk, break dishes, stain clothes, forget something, be late for something, and so on. Making mistakes is normal in our life!
Being a wife is a big and responsible job, as family relationships are not built by themselves. They need to be worked on!
“And in everything give thanks to God in every circumstance” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
We hope that these tips for wives will help strengthen your relationship with your husband. You can apply these tips, but remember that everyone is different. Every woman and every man has his own character and life experience. There is no universal advice for either wives or husbands.
January 2018
Susanna Anayan, Moscow Church of Christ
