Problems in communication with classmates: causes and solutions. Parent meeting "how to help a teenager build relationships with classmates?" consultation on the topic What are the relationships with classmates

Municipal budgetary educational institution

Secondary school No. 1 named after. B.P. Yurkova

PARENT MEETING

How to help a child

Build relationships with classmates?

TEACHER-PSYCHOLOGIST MBOU secondary school No. 1 named after. B.P.YURKOVA ZHENEEVA L,A,

Zverevo

2017

It is the family that provides the child with a certain level intellectual development and develops communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation that has developed in the team. But often they notice before teachers that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he bad relationship with classmates. In this case, it is necessary to take immediate action - it is better to go and talk about the disturbing symptoms with the class teacher in order to dispel doubts than to allow the situation to get out of hand. In such a situation, parents turn to the school psychologist for help.

The following symptoms may indicate that the child is not doing well in the classroom, he is being rejected.

• attends school without much enthusiasm, tries to find a reason to avoid lessons;
• comes home from school in a bad mood;
• reacts very painfully to criticism and rudeness;
• does not mention his classmates in a conversation with his parents, or speaks about them in a negative way;
• does not bring friends, does not call anyone, even to ask for homework;
• no one invites him to visit, does not call.

These signs indicate that the child has problems at school with classmates, which means that the student needs to be helped.

Not all children can and want to tell their parents about their problems and how older child, the less likely it is that he will complain to his parents about what is happening. It is worth showing interest in the affairs of your child, but do it unobtrusively. If he does not say anything himself, you should watch him.

First of all, you need to go to school, talk with teachers about your child's relationship with classmates, see how the child behaves in class after school or at recess, on holidays: does he show initiative in communication, with whom he communicates, who communicates with him, etc.

Exercise "What upsets us in children"(problems of children in the field of communication)

Offer to name the problems that children have in communicating with peers (quarrel, sometimes fight, complain, do not know how to reckon with the opinion of another).

Emotional tensionsignificantly higher in adolescent relationships. Adults are sometimes unaware of strong feelings and do not attach much importance to these quarrels and insults. However, the state of conflict is a difficult test for any child. And adults should help him cope with a difficult situation.Together we can teach children to be friends and put up in case of quarrels.

Group discussion:

1. How can you help your child become more confident?

2. How to respond to the negative statements of classmates?

3. How to help find friends?

Parable "A Little Difference"

One Eastern ruler saw horrible dream as if all his teeth fell out one by one. In great agitation, he called the interpreter of dreams to him. He listened to him anxiously and said:

Lord, I have sad news to tell you. You will lose one by one all your loved ones.

These words aroused the wrath of the sovereign. He ordered that the unfortunate man be thrown into prison and another interpreter be called, who, after listening to the dream, said:

I am happy to tell you good news

You will outlive all your loved ones.

The ruler was delighted and generously rewarded him for this prediction. The courtiers were very surprised.

After all, you told him the same thing as your poor predecessor, so why was he punished and you rewarded?

They asked.

To which the answer followed: - We both interpreted the dream in the same way. But it all depends on not what to say, but how to say it.

1. Survival Tactics: Parents Can Help Your Child Build Relationships with Peers

The child is unable to build relationships with peers.

Features of the "victim"

Classmates do not want to be friends with your son, sit with your daughter at the same desk ... What is the reason for such rejection?

Psychologists have identified the most characteristic features of "victim" children. Here they are.

● Inadequacy of emotional and behavioral reactions. Outcast children endure for a long time where it would be appropriate to fight back. But when the cup of patience overflows, in response to a minimal offense, they climb into a desperate fight.
● Increased sensitivity to the attitude of others. Whatever business such children do, the main thing for them is not their own successes or failures, but how others around them react to them. A victim child is able to leave the section or circle only because someone said something unflattering about him.
● Physical disabilities. By themselves, physical disabilities reduce the social status of a child only in preschool and younger years. school age. Rejected children suffering from strabismus, having scars on their faces (cleft lip, birthmark), with injuries of the musculoskeletal system: severe scoliosis, cerebral palsy.
● Untidiness, carelessness. Loud blowing nose during class bad smell stale linen, baggy clothes - all this is noticed by classmates and can cause offensive statements, harassment.

1. Time to discuss

When you understand what your child's problems are, it makes sense to discuss this with him. But it is precisely to discuss, because he himself will have to act and disentangle the consequences - too. Your task is to help analyze the situation, help choose the appropriate behavior.

After the child has expressed his willingness to accept your help, think together about what situations are most difficult for him. Ask him questions. What does he feel in these moments? What does he say? How does he behave (in detail, including gestures, facial expressions)? Then offer to see your reaction as if from the outside: “Imagine that Vanya (Misha, Katya ...) said or did something (retell the situation you heard from the child), and he would answer like this (retell the reaction of your child). How would you deal with him next? From the answers it often turns out that he would not experience the joy of communicating with such a person and would behave in the same way as his classmates act with him. At this point, it is very important to bring to the consciousness of the child that the peculiarities of his own behavior provoke others to undesirable actions.

1. survival tactics

The next step is to help the child find new ways to respond to an unpleasant situation. Discuss with him how events would develop if Petya (a classmate who is well adapted in the team) got into a similar situation. What did he do and say? Can your child try to act like Peter? Dream up by making a list of possible responses.

Reciprocal rudeness and violence can sometimes be the only way of self-defense.

1. Strategy for the future

Correction of those personality traits that cause hostility among classmates is a more complicated matter.

The first thing to decide: is it worth doing it at all? Any group (especially teenage ones) seeks to reshape the personality in accordance with intra-group ideas. The more primitive the group, the tougher the requirements and the more vulgar the "ideal". But it's worth discussing what the guys don't like and which of their claims are fair. This is best done by again asking the child to imagine how his actions look from the outside. It is possible that the child quite easily realizes some of his habits and characteristics as unacceptable, and he himself will try to get rid of them. There will also be real moral problems, which are difficult to solve not only for a teenager, but also for an adult. Perhaps the child will not want to give up some of his traits. Explain to him: for the right to remain as he is, he will have to fight. Support him in this.

Eliminating the reasons for the rejection of classmates is only half the battle. It is worth trying to win their respect and sympathy. Help your son or daughter figure out which activities are most valued by classmates and succeed in them (unless, of course, they are antisocial).

For parents, this often means additional financial costs (buying roller skates or a guitar, paying for classes in a sports section). Many prefer not to burden themselves by saying that in their childhood they had nothing of the kind, but grew up as people no worse than others. But every time and every society has its own laws. Not having the same inline skates or "advanced" mobile phone, the child loses the opportunity to participate in many games and conversations of his peers, it is more difficult for him to enter the company and establish himself in it.

1. Work on mistakes

Another reason for the rejection of a teenager by peers can be our parental, incorrect behavior. Moms and dads of persecuted children usually make several typical mistakes.

First - Consider your child always right. Conduct an experiment: write down a dozen of the child's complaints about classmates, as well as what you answered him. If in eight or more cases you justified the child, then you unwittingly create problems for him.

Second - interference in the relationship of children when you are “not asked”, when there is no good reason for this. The intervention of an adult, be it a parent or a teacher, is often taken as evidence of the weakness and inferiority of the one in whose favor it is carried out. Your attempt to solve the problem for the child may result in a significant decrease in his social status among peers.

The third mistake is to impose on the child your experience, your ideas about how to act under the guise of advice.

Such interventions lead to the fact that the child's actions lose their flexibility, spontaneity and chronically lag in relation to the constantly changing situation. The senior "adviser" often recommends that the teenager act based on his personal preferences and inclinations. However, the child has its own mental warehouse. His actions on someone else's orders are unnatural. In addition, the responsibility for the result in this case lies primarily with the “adviser”.

Fourth a mistake is a long memory of the insults inflicted on your child. A sixth-grader who had the imprudence to tell his mother that Vovka played football with his hat may hear in response: “He broke your nose and tore your shirt in the first grade, how come you still don’t understand that you don’t need to have any cases."

The vindictiveness of the parents prevents the child from forgetting unpleasant incidents that are nothing more than ordinary phenomena in primary and secondary school, and elevates minor grievances to the rank of tragedy or insult. Children's relationships have their own scale and their own points of reference. Approaching them with adult standards, and even more so imposing these measurements on teenagers, is short-sighted.

- This does not mean at all that when you come home, you tell your child: “They don't make friends with you because you ... . Now I will teach you.”It's best to say this:I love you very much. You are wonderful to me, but sometimes you do not quite right: ... If you want to have friends, try to do the following: ... It is possible that not everything will work out right away, there will be mistakes. But you're just learning to be friends. I'm sure you'll get better with time."

Questionnaire

Answer a few questions and think about whether everything is right in your relationship with your child?

1. Do you know your child's classmates?

2. With whom does your child sit at the same desk?

3. Did he want to make a gift on March 8 (February 23) to his classmate (classmate)? To whom exactly?

4. Do you carefully listen to the child's stories about school days? (Or do you listen, but think about your own?)

5. Are you the initiator of the conversation with the child about school friends, deeds, achievements and failures?

6. Do friends often visit your child? Is your son (daughter) ashamed of you when communicating with them?

7. How many phone numbers are stored on your child's cell phone?

8. What is the most popular game among your child's friends?

I think that each parent present is able to analyze their own answers and draw a conclusion. How to help your child find friends and how to treat those whom he found himself.

Practical Tips

The way your children choose their own friends, and you make sure that these friends are in your house.

Get to know the parents of your child's friends.

Make sure that the child has a wide range of interests, so that he wants to learn, understand, and do as much as possible.

Teach your child from the very first steps to make independent decisions and cope with situations when other people's opinions are imposed on him.

Talk to your children as much as possible. It is important that this conversation does not turn into your monologue, so that when you find out what your teenager thinks, what he dreams about, what he fears, do it respectfully, seriously and with genuine interest in him, in what he says. And never, in a moment of irritation, use the frankness of a teenager in order to "convict" him of something.

If you actively dislike your teen's friends, don't use outright bans (usually, this only raises the value of such friendship in the teen's eyes and leads to secret meetings, lies, etc.), talk to your son and daughter. Try to understand what they find attractive in their friends. Perhaps you will change your point of view. If not, openly and calmly explain what you don't like.

If your children choose "bad" friends from your point of view, think about your relationship with your child. Does he feel abandoned (it often seems to teenagers that their parents love them less than when they were little). Or maybe he constantly feels that you do not believe in him, expect him to do something wrong and “out of spite” strives to live up to these expectations. Or perhaps you have gone too far with control, and it seems to the teenager that you want, as they put it, to “rule” everything, and he seeks to show you that he himself can determine something in his life.

Always try to understand your child, to understand what his actions are connected with, what needs, including the needs of age, are expressed in them. Always show (and especially when it is endlessly difficult, as he literally "pirates you") that you love him and trust him. Teach him to think and make independent decisions. If he is not always obedient, learns to defend his point of view in communication with you, then it will be much easier for him to do this in relation to his peers.

Bibliography:

1. Arbuzova E.N. Anisimov A.I. Shatrova O.V. Workshop on the psychology of communication. St. Petersburg: Speech, 2008.
2. Gippenreiter Yu.B. Communicate with the child. How?; artistic G.A. Karasev. – M.: AST: Astrel, 2009.

3. Obukhova L. F. Age-related psychology. Study guide - M .: Pedagogical Society Russia, 1999.

It is the family that provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation that has developed in the team. But often they notice before teachers that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has a bad relationship with classmates. In this case, it is necessary to take immediate action - it is better to go and talk about the disturbing symptoms with the class teacher in order to dispel doubts than to allow the situation to get out of hand. In such a situation, parents turn to the school psychologist for help.

Communicating with the parents of unpopular schoolchildren, I conditionally identified several types of their reactions to the situation in the classroom.

1. Parents understand that the child has communication problems, but they do not know how to help him (sometimes they are convinced that this is impossible). They admit that in childhood they also experienced difficulties in communicating with peers.

The mother of the second-grader Fedya herself is very closed, she hardly communicates with anyone at school, expecting her son after school, and usually shuns other parents at parent meetings and holidays. I always see her with an expression on her face, during a conversation with me or the class teacher, she is tense. One day, she and I witnessed Fedya's quarrel with classmates. Mom was confused and scared.

Uncommunicative, withdrawn parents cannot teach a child to interact effectively with others. After all, the most important example is the example that parents set for their children when communicating with other people.

2. Parents think that the child is fine, and if there are any problems, then others are to blame: teachers who organize communication in the classroom incorrectly; children who are aggressive and do not know how to communicate normally; their parents raising their children wrong.

The mother of a very aggressive boy, Andrei, did not want to admit that the problem was not in her son's classmates, but in his inability to communicate with them. Andrei loved to laugh at the failures of his comrades, called them names, and tried to lead in games. According to the results of sociometry, it turned out that none of his classmates wants to take Andrei to their team and no one would trust him with their secret.

By the way, sometimes it is the position of the parents that causes the rejection of their child by others. The child gets used to considering others to blame for his problems, does not know how to admit his mistakes, treats his peers with a sense of superiority, does not want to reckon with their interests and opinions. In the studies of V.M. Galuzinsky emphasizes that the reasons for the rejection of some tenth graders lie in individualism, fueled by parents (for example, emphasizing the special giftedness of their child in comparison with others).

Sometimes parents are right - in a bad attitude towards their child, it is really the others who are to blame in the first place.

The negative attitude towards Senya from the first grade was provoked by the class teacher, who disliked both Senya and his parents. The teacher called the boy only by his last name, never praised him, more often than others, made comments. Her hostile attitude towards him was gradually transferred to the rest of the students.

In a situation where there is a specific offender (teacher or classmate), parents often seek to "deal" with him themselves. They go to complain to the administration about the unfair treatment of their child by the teacher. If the child is bullied by classmates, then the parents, having come to school, chastise the offender, threaten him or reprimand his parents. Unfortunately, such actions do not help, but harm the child. As a result, the teacher, having learned about the complaint, is imbued with even greater hostility towards the unfortunate student. Persecutors become more careful and sophisticated in their bullying, threatening to kill if the victim complains to someone again. And the parents of the offender also do not remain in debt. Sometimes you have to watch very ugly scenes when the parents of the offender and the victim scream, insulting each other in front of the children. Naturally, such an example of "resolution" of conflicts is not useful for children. In addition, by such intercession, parents do their child a disservice.

Sonya's mother, starting from the first grade, came to "deal" with her daughter's classmates who teased her. The girl got used to complaining a little to her mother, and among her classmates she was known as a sneak, no one wanted to be friends with her.

3. Parents who have asked for help are aware that the child feels bad in the classroom due to the characteristics of his personality. They are ready to cooperate with the psychologist and the class teacher and help the child. This type of reaction is the most common.

The problem of rejected children is a double-edged sword. None of the parents wants their child to become a victim, to be attacked and harassed by others. And at the same time, hardly anyone wants their child to be the initiator of bullying another.

Working with parents of instigator or persecutor children is not easy. Not every parent can admit that his affectionate, kind child can enjoy humiliating a peer.

Here is what the mother of one child said: “Five-six-year-old children on the playground all the time unite and attack one person. I told my son that this is not allowed. Once the object of attacks was himself. But it didn't change anything. The next day, with the same enthusiasm, he attacked his comrade along with everyone. Children tend to unite against something that did not please them peers. It's called "befriending someone".

Parents are frustrated that their child succumbs to the general mood and commits unseemly acts. In this case, they should try to explain to the child how his behavior looks from the outside, to make him think about the feelings of the victim. A child striving for independence can be told that in this situation he behaves like a ball - where he kicked, he rolled there. No manifestation of one's own will. In general, the ability to resist the team does not come immediately. But it is precisely by giving the opportunity to analyze one's own behavior that one can bring closer the moment when the child will no longer succumb to the influence of others.

It is necessary to explain to the child that it is unacceptable to call others names, to laugh at them - let him put himself in their place. It is necessary to teach the child to reckon with the opinions of others, to find compromises.

If the victim is unsympathetic to the parents, you should not “add fuel to the fire” by discussing this with the child. In the end, the child must learn tolerance and accommodating. In conversations with a child or in his presence, one should not give assessments to other parents, children, teachers.

How to help your child build relationships in the classroom

Be sure to warn the teacher about your child's problems (stuttering, having to take medications by the hour, etc.). Stuttering, tics, enuresis, encopresis, skin conditions should be monitored and treated if possible. All this can lead to ridicule from peers.

It is necessary to provide the child with everything that will allow him to meet the general school requirements. If black shorts are needed for physical education lessons, then pink shorts should not be offered to the child, believing that this is not important. It may not be important for the teacher, but classmates will tease the child. This does not mean that you have to follow the child's lead and buy him a hat "like Lenka from 5" B "".

Encourage your child to change behavior. After all, if the stereotype has developed, then any act is predictable. The child behaves according to the pattern set by others. But if he reacts to standard circumstances in an unexpected way, then perhaps he will be able not only to puzzle his pursuers, but also to take a step towards overcoming the current situation. For example, you can offer the child, instead of starting to cry or hit everyone, look into the eyes of the offenders and calmly ask: “So what?” - or start laughing with them. In general, do something that is not expected of him at all.

Try to ensure that your child socializes with classmates outside of school. Invite them to visit, arrange holidays, encourage the child to communicate with them. Every effort should be made to encourage the participation of the child in cool events, trips. It is not necessary to pick up the child from school immediately after school, even for the sake of English or music lessons. Otherwise, all the guys will become friends with each other, and your child will still be a stranger in the class.

You should not come to school to personally deal with your child's bullies, it is better to notify the class teacher and psychologist. Do not rush to rush to protect the child in any conflict situation with classmates. Sometimes it is useful for a child to go through all the stages of the conflict - this will help him learn to solve many problems on his own. But when accustoming a child to independence, it is important not to overdo it and not miss a situation that the child is not able to cope with without the intervention of adults. Such a situation, of course, is the systematic bullying and bullying of the child by peers.

Attention!

If the situation has gone too far, for example, the child is constantly humiliated or beaten, react immediately. First of all, protect your child from communicating with offenders - do not send him to school. Dealing with offenders is not the most important thing (although you should not leave them unpunished - they will choose a new victim for themselves). It is important to help the child survive the trauma he has received, so most likely he will have to be transferred to another class. The child will need to learn not to be afraid of peers and trust them.

What to do if a child is rejected

It has been my observation that children who are rejected do a lot themselves to become victims of attacks. As already noted, they easily succumb to the provocations of classmates, give out the expected, often inadequate, reactions. Naturally, it is interesting to offend someone who is offended, who throws his fists at others after any innocent remark addressed to him, who starts to cry if he is teased a little, etc. See →

How to help your child choose friends

It is important to know all your child's friends, especially if you are afraid of negative influence from them. It is necessary to help organize communication for the child, create an appropriate environment. It is not enough just to send him to a suitable team, invite the children home, if possible, get to know their parents. Most importantly, gently create an acceptable social circle for the child (this should be taken care of while the child is still small). It can be the children of your friends, classmates, any club, circle, section, in a word, any society that unites people with similar interests and is friendly to each other. See →

The most important thing is to remember: the position of the child in the classroom up to adolescence 90% depends on how the teacher treats him. And for first-graders - for all 100. Therefore, if a child does not develop relationships with classmates, the teacher can solve the problem by giving the children a sign that she likes the child, that he has something (no matter what, at least wipe it off the board) is the best, that he is important and needed in class. Cm.

• What should parents do if the teacher scolded the child in front of classmates and the child became withdrawn?
• What is the best thing to do if a child has a conflict at school, teachers or students make fun of him?

How to establish relationships with classmates, said a teacher-psychologist of the MBU City Center for Psychological, Medical and Social Support "Indigo" in Ufa Ekaterina Kudryavtseva.

The following symptoms may indicate that your child is not doing well in class.

Child:

• goes to school reluctantly and is very glad of any opportunity not to go there;
• returns from school depressed;
• often crying for no apparent reason;
• never mentions any of his classmates;
• talks very little about his school life;
• doesn't know who to call for lessons or refuses to call anyone at all;
• all of a sudden (as it seems) refuses to go to school;
• lonely: no one invites him to visit, for birthdays, and he does not want to invite anyone to his place.

How to help your child build relationships with classmates

1. Teach your child to be independent.
   • You should not personally come to school to deal with the offenders of your child, it is better to notify the class teacher and psychologist.
   • Do not rush to rush to protect the child in any conflict situation with classmates. Sometimes it is useful for a child to go through all the stages of the conflict - this will help him learn to solve many problems on his own.
   • But when accustoming a child to independence, it is important not to overdo it and not miss a situation that the child is not able to cope with without the intervention of adults.
2. Understand the reasons, emphasizing the merits of the situation.
   • Emotional benevolent support of a sensitive adult is needed. First, understand the reasons for the unpopularity of the child and try to eliminate them. Maybe it doesn't look very modern? Take care of his wardrobe and appearance. Too weak physically? Get him interested in some sport. Emphasize its merits at every opportunity. Do not skimp on praise, admire your child and do not forget that the child looks at himself through the eyes of a close adult.
   • It is necessary to provide the child with everything that will allow him to meet the general school requirements. If black shorts are needed for physical education lessons, then pink shorts should not be offered to the child, believing that this is not important. It may not be important for the teacher, but classmates will tease the child. This does not mean that you have to follow the child's lead and buy him a hat. "like Lenka from 5" B "".
3. Take an interest in the affairs and life of the child.
   • It is worth showing interest in the affairs of your child, but do it unobtrusively.
   • If he doesn't say anything himself, watch him. Having noticed deviations in behavior, you need to go to school, talk with teachers about your child’s relationship with classmates, see how the child behaves in the classroom after school or at recess, on holidays: does he show initiative in communication, with whom he communicates, who communicates with him, etc.
   • You can seek help from a school psychologist, it is easier for him to monitor children.
4. Involve the teacher in the problem.
   • Remember: the position of the child in the classroom up to adolescence is 90% dependent on how the teacher treats him. And for first-graders - 100%. Therefore, if the child does not develop relationships with classmates, only the teacher will help solve the problem, giving the children a sign that she likes the child, that he has something (no matter what, at least wipe off the board) is the best, that he is important and needed in class.
   • Be sure to warn the teacher about your child's problems (stuttering, having to take medications by the hour, etc.). Stuttering, tics, enuresis, encopresis, skin conditions should be monitored and treated if possible. All this can lead to ridicule from peers.
   • Teach your child useful relationship skills: more active, friendlier, standing up for yourself, and when necessary, holding back and giving in. And remember: the more confident the child feels, the easier these skills are given to him. It would be useful to ask the class teacher to support his son or daughter, perhaps to involve him in some important matter, which will increase his prestige in the eyes of others. But it cannot be ruled out that in children's team in fact, the situation is too unhealthy, and then it would be better to transfer the child to another school.
5. Teach your child how to make friends.
   • It is necessary to teach the child to reckon with the opinions of others, to find compromises, to learn tolerance and accommodating. According to psychologists, at least one mutual affection in the classroom makes a child more self-confident and provides him with a more comfortable existence in a team compared to a child who is chosen by many, but not by those whom he chooses.
   • Having friends is a very important part of a child's emotional well-being. Regardless of age, a friend for a child is someone with whom it is interesting, who will support, with whom you can do something together, this is the feeling that you are not alone and someone is interested. Growing up, the child puts more serious and deep relationships into the concept of friendship.
6. Break stereotypes.
   • Encourage your child to change behavior. After all, if the stereotype has developed, then any act is predictable. The child behaves according to the pattern set by others. But if he reacts to standard circumstances in an unexpected way, then perhaps he will be able not only to puzzle his pursuers, but also to take a step towards overcoming the current situation. For example, you can offer the child, instead of starting to cry or hitting everyone in a row, look into the eyes of the offenders and calmly ask: "So what?"— or start laughing with them. In general, do something that is not expected of him at all.
   • Attention! If the situation has gone too far, for example, the child is constantly humiliated or beaten, react immediately. First of all, protect the child from communication with offenders - do not send him to school. Dealing with offenders is not the most important thing (although you should not leave them unpunished - they will choose a new victim for themselves). It is important to help the child survive the psychological trauma, therefore, most likely, he will have to be transferred to another class. The child will need to learn not to be afraid of peers and trust them.
7. Speak words of love that give confidence. The parent is the "producer" of their child's talents. In conversations with a child or in his presence, one should not give assessments to other adults (parents, teachers), children. Speak to your child often words that testify to unconditional love and build self-confidence.
   • I love you. I trust you. I'm on your side.
   • How would you do it yourself? How can you change the situation yourself?
   • Everything will work out perfectly in the best safe way for you.
   • You are strong, you are smart, you are capable, don't give up.
   • You will succeed. I'm proud of you.
   • How was your day?
   • How can I help?
   • Thank you for helping me.
8. Create a social circle for your child.
   • It is necessary to help organize communication for the child, create an appropriate environment. It is not enough just to send him to a suitable team, invite the children home, if possible, get to know their parents. Most importantly, gently create an acceptable social circle for the child (this should be taken care of while the child is still small). It can be the children of your friends, classmates, any club, circle, section, in a word, any society that unites people with similar interests and is friendly to each other.
9. Learn to say "no".
   • Do not try to completely protect the child from negative experiences. IN Everyday life it is impossible to avoid anger, resentment or confrontation with cruelty. It is important to teach children to resist aggressors without becoming like them.
   • The child should be able to say "no", not to succumb to the provocations of his comrades, to treat failures with humor, to know that it is sometimes more correct to devote adults to their problems than to figure it out on their own, and be sure that relatives will not dismiss him, but will help and support in difficult times.

Organizing time. Introductory speech by the class teacher.

– Good evening dear parents! I am glad to welcome you to the meeting. Thank you for taking the time to come to our meeting. I would like to start the meeting with the words of a famous writer A. de Saint-Exupery "The only real luxury is the luxury of human communication." The family provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation that has developed in the class team. But often they notice before teachers that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has a bad relationship with classmates. What to do? So, today we will talk about how to help your child build relationships with classmates. I invite the teacher-psychologist of the crisis center to the conversation.

– There are many statements about friendship, both by thinkers of antiquity and modernity. They all tried to understand what friendship is:

“The only way to have a friend is to be one yourself.” - emerson.

"Without friendship, life is nothing." - Cicero.

“Happiness never put a person on such a height that he would not need a friend.” - Seneca.

- The guys and I at the classroom discussed a serious interesting topic"Friend, friendship, laws of friendship." The children were asked to think about the question, what does “friendship” mean and why do people need it?

- I'm sure you, as parents, want your children to have reliable, loyal friends. Have you ever wondered what true friendship is? Agree, because friendship is different. Surely, if you now conduct an “audit” of your acquaintances, you will see that not all of them fit the definition of a FRIEND. For the most part, these are just friends - you can communicate with them, go somewhere together, arrange holidays, etc., but if something serious is involved, then you can hardly wait for help from them.

So are your children. There is a confusion between the concepts of "friends" and "friends". Those whom they call friends, by and large, are not. in the lower grades, friendship often develops for random reasons (they live side by side, sit at the same desk, parents are friends, etc.). They meet with friends for sports, games, walks or studies. And with a friend they usually share their dreams, feelings, worries, experiences. And although friendships do not grow to the heights of friendship until the age of 10, nevertheless, friends, as a rule, call themselves best friends.

Teacher: on the eve of the class hour, I asked the guys to write essay on my friend.

– Student responses will give you an idea of ​​the character interpersonal relationships Guys. So, for some schoolchildren, a friend, first of all, is a protector (“will not leave you in trouble”, “protects if you are beaten”, “always intercedes, pulls you out of trouble”); for others, a friend is an assistant (“helps when it’s difficult”, “always supports”, “helps to cope with studies”). Many children single out a friend as a partner in a game, constructive communication (“We always play together with a friend”, “We never quarrel with him”, “You can always find a common language with friends, even if we have different opinions”). A friend acts as a partner in confidential communication (“You can tell your best friend a secret”, “You can trust a friend”, “You can tell him about your love”). A friend for some guys is an understanding native person(“This person understands you”, “A friend always understands you and believes”, “A friend is the one with whom he is inseparable”, “This is the best person, not counting the parents”). A leisure partner is also a friend (“You can have a good time with a friend”, “It’s never boring to walk with him”, “With a friend I like to go shopping, to the cinema, to any different places”).

- Thus, the answers give an idea of ​​the value orientations of the children in interpersonal relationships, reveal the socio-psychological needs (in a safe dialogue, in psychological support, in establishing trusting relationships, in constructive communication, etc.). Each student has his own degree of expressiveness of needs and value orientations.

- It was interesting how girls “see” a friend, and how boys see them. Common in the answers of girls and boys: friend is a person: who can be trusted (“to tell secrets”, “to reveal a secret”); with whom you can organize joint activities (“walk together”, “go on a visit”); who will help in difficult times (“will tell you how to be”, “support”).
Differences in views are manifested mainly in different forms of relations. Girls

distinguish such qualities of a friend as the ability to sympathize, communicate confidentially; a friend for girls is very close person like a brother or sister.
That is, for girls, the emotional component of interpersonal relationships is more significant and valuable. Boys, on the other hand, highlight the activity characteristics of relationships more: “A friend will intercede if someone offends”, “You can play outdoor games with a friend”, “You can give him gifts”.

One student wrote that he communicates with friends not because they have expensive phones, that they are excellent students, but because he is interested in them.

Features of friendship in primary school age:

• Folds over random motives .
• Relations are fragile
: there is a rapid change of friends, likes and dislikes, dependence on spontaneous children's norms.
• Requirements
presented to a friend, child does not always apply to yourself .
• Consumer attitude
to friendship: they are friends because they are “friends” and agree in everything, will always let you write off and go out for a walk at the first call. The main thing in this relationship is that a friend can give you personally.

– By the end of 4th grade many children mature for strong friendships, relationships with peers become more meaningful than study.

This manifests itself:

Why don't all kids have friends? What does the choice depend on? It may well be that the child is wrong in choosing a friend.

A necessary prerequisite for a lasting friendship is likely to be personal choice based on hard-to-define sympathy.

It is possible that such sympathy depends on shortcomings that the child vaguely finds in himself and does not see in the chosen partner: a spoiled one chooses an independent one, a cowardly one chooses a brave one, a stupid one chooses a smart one, i.e. its opposite. Such a choice, most likely, will not become the basis of a lasting friendship.

completely without flaws? This does not happen and cannot be. In this case, the result of the search may be either the inability to find a friend, or disappointment in him.

Or maybe the child is looking for a friend in his own image and likeness only worse? With such a person, friendship will not last long, his stupidity will begin to annoy, and everything will end in a quarrel.

But still, as psychological studies have shown, the true basis for friendship depends on similarities, coincidences of interests, ways of thinking.

In order to find a friend to your liking, it is necessary, first of all, figure out in yourself, in your preferences and shortcomings, in the very concept of friendship.

Now let's talk about what hinders friendship. Perhaps the inability to establish friendships is associated with shyness, inability to communicate, ignorance elementary rules behavior. By the way, if the child is very closed, then classmates can instinctively provoke him to aggression in order to see what he will do in response and evaluate whether it is dangerous or not?

Maybe the child is almost always walks with a frown, rarely smiles? Would you like to build a relationship with a person who is constantly in a bad mood?

Maybe, doesn't study well? For elementary school this is a very important indicator.

Often offended? Resentment is also a type of aggression, a way of manipulating people, not everyone will like it if they are manipulated.

And maybe he nerd And crybaby, complains with or without reason? Such, for sure. Nobody loves.

Or alarmist, subject to constant causeless fear? After a month of communication with such a person, you will get very tired. A gloomy, pessimistic attitude to life can turn away friends from a child.

And maybe he braggart or know-it-all? Agree, a person who constantly teaches everyone and says that he can do better and tells everyone about everything becomes simply unbearable.

It happens that a person no sense of humor. It's very hard. There is always a tense atmosphere in the presence of such people. The people around are afraid not to offend such a person with a random joke. By the way, to have a sense of humor is not necessarily to be able to have fun and have fun. First of all, this is the ability to withstand life's difficulties, optimism, the ability to laugh, make fun of yourself, adequately accepting humor in your address too.

And yet they are not friends with liars and mean people, dirty and greedy people, with envious people and dishonorable people.

What do you need to do to find a friend?

Explain to the child that he:

• did not hesitate to be kind, smiled more often - they are drawn to the kind and smiling;

• respected and loved himself, then others will love him too - if a person does not love himself, then who will love him ?;

• was simple and natural (excesses are often found in a child's environment).

Reminder for parents

For your part, as parents, you can do the following:

• invite your child's classmates to visit, so you get to know them better and can control and influence their relationship;
• help class teacher in conducting extracurricular activities, this will help to rally the class and, in addition, improve your relationship with your child;

• give the child independence in choosing friends and resolving conflicts, and if you do intervene, then sort things out not with the offender, but with his parents, and not by phone, but in public - for example, at a parent meeting;
• teach not to be afraid of mistakes, talk about your problems in childhood, about how you experienced them and how you coped with them, by doing this you will reduce excessive anxiety and tension in your child, improve his behavior and attractiveness to peers;
• allow negative emotions to show, because such a ban can cause difficulties in establishing relationships with people (for example, the child will avoid any physical contact, even for the purpose of protection; in physical education classes he will refuse to play basketball; he will cautiously throw a “snowball” made of paper); person living full life, allows himself to be both happy and angry; by the way, boyish fights are mainly the result of the need for tactile contact, since boys cannot satisfy this need in another way;
• think about whether the child’s quarrels with friends are the result of your mistakes in his upbringing: if at home he is the center of the universe, then he expects the same attitude from other children, achieves his goal, provoking conflicts; if the child is abandoned, he feels resentment and anger - he takes out the feelings accumulated in his soul in quarrels; if he often witnesses quarrels between parents or other family members, they begin to imitate their behavior;
• discuss with the child the causes of conflicts with friends, try to become a friend for him;
• explain what a "code of friendship" is.

"Code of Friendship".

1. Share news.
2. Provide support, voluntarily help if necessary.
3. Try to make a friend feel good in your company.
4. Trust.
5. Protect a friend in his absence.
6. Don't criticize a friend in public.
7. Do not be pushy, do not teach.

- This does not mean at all that when you come home, you tell your child: “They don’t make friends with you because you…. Now I will teach you.” It's best to say like this: "I love you very much. You are wonderful to me, but sometimes you do not quite right: ... If you want to have friends, try to do the following: ... It is possible that not everything will work out right away, there will be mistakes. But you're just learning to be friends. I'm sure you'll get better with time."

- Thank you for your attention. We hope that our advice will be useful to you in raising your children.

How your relationships with peers develop depends largely on you. Of course, your knowledge and skills will always be important to create authority, your appearance, sense of humor. But the ability to behave, to be tactful and attentive with others is still perhaps the most important. You can be able and know a lot, but if you do not learn the accepted communication with people, they will not want to listen to you or admire your achievements.

There can be no small things in communication. It is pleasant for every person at any age to communicate with a polite, well-mannered and helpful person.

It is ugly, for example, to look into your neighbor's notebook without permission. You can not read other people's letters, personal diaries. It is impolite to stand behind the back of a person who works on a computer.

Even if there is nothing secret in a written letter (on paper or on a computer), not everyone is pleased to have someone read the words intended for another person.

For some reason, some guys in communication do not call each other by their first names, but come up with various nicknames for their classmates. Most often, school nicknames are formed, of course, from the surname. For example, Skvortsov, Stepanov, Belov, Frolov and Morozov automatically become just Starling, Styopa, Bely, Frol and Moroz at school. Some guys are proud of their nickname, while others are completely indifferent to what they are called.

But there are many impressionable and shy children who are painfully worried and even suffer from such treatment and are very ashamed of their nickname. It even happens that from such suffering and grief they experience nervous breakdowns. It is not uncommon for offensive nicknames and difficult relationships with peers to cause stuttering. And some nearsighted guys refuse to wear glasses just because they will be teased by bespectacled people or nerds.

It doesn’t even occur to many children that their classmate is worried and crying because of the nickname given to him.

Of course, only very stupid and evil people take pleasure in hurting another. Most of the time, guys don't do it out of malice. But before you give someone a nickname, remember that the person has a name. For each of us, the name means a lot. Parents chose it for a long time, hoping that it would bring their child good luck in life. It is ugly and impolite to call your friends by their surnames or to replace the first name with a stupid or offensive nickname.

In order for you to develop a good relationship with friends and classmates, pay attention to these tips.

Rules for communicating with classmates

Show attention to your friends and classmates, try not to offend them with your words and actions;

Never laugh at the physical defects of people;

Always and in everything help the younger and the weak;

Do not forget to thank for the service rendered to you;

Do not invent offensive nicknames for anyone;

If you yourself suffer from a nickname attached to you, do not respond to it; maybe then your offender will remember your name;

If a friend has lent you something, give it back to him within the promised time, without waiting for him to remind you of it;

Always keep the promises you make;

Never promise what you cannot deliver;

Treasure your word: your friends should know that you can rely on you in everything, that you always keep your word;

Always be precise: inaccuracy is first of all impoliteness;

Never eavesdrop on other people's conversations or read other people's letters;

Never show disrespect, arrogance, insolence, rudeness or rudeness to people.