It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, it's better to let go of the past than to keep it close to you. You need to let it go, if only because sometimes this is the only way to increase the level of energy in your life, get out of old relationship scenarios, accept yourself and others, and also just move on without pain.

Just living in the past is the same as moving backwards: you will see nothing but your own old footprints. That is why it is worth learning how to stop living in the past.

Try to understand that there is no past

Or rather, convince yourself. How is it not? Is it simple? Once on his show, Dr. Kurpatov asked a woman who was very obsessed with being beaten by her peers at school: “Are you afraid of 13-year-olds on the street today? No? So, those children who beat you are also gone. These are other people. What's the point of being afraid of something that simply isn't there?

Make a decision here and now

If you really want to stop living in the past and start living in the present, then don't cut the cat's tail piece by piece, work through each injury. It’s easier to throw everything into the trash at once: there’s not much that is needed.

Heal old wounds and traumas

This may require either a psychotherapist or independent practices. The easiest thing to do with this load of injuries is to burn them. Try to write down in a notebook for a week or two everything that stirs the soul and everything that pops up on its own with someone's words or actions. It is best to carry a notebook with you everywhere so as not to miss a single negative emotion.

Remember all the bad things that happened in childhood and adolescence and carefully write down everything hurtful words and negative emotions that you then experienced. And in a couple of weeks, burn all this writing somewhere in the forest park and spread the ashes. You are almost free. However, there are other healing options.

Focus on your present

It's not as difficult as it seems. Pay attention to what you want right now, or what you are wearing. Ask yourself the question, what is your joy and what is most valuable for you in this moment. Try to do this every time you are carried back to the past, both terrible and wonderful.

Come to terms with the fact that everything goes away

Both bad and beautiful. It is normal for one stage to end and the next to begin. Moreover, the next one may be even more beautiful than the previous one.

Don't hold back your emotions if the past was terrible

It doesn't matter how much time has passed since the tragic events. You have the right to talk about it, and even shout out. If you want to send the past to hell, you must release it with your emotions.

Make plans for the future

Do not be afraid to even desire to fulfill your dream. Write out in detail your plan to achieve any of your goals and to fulfill your desires. This will definitely help you focus on the present and even enjoy it.

Send love and forgiveness to your past

If you constantly scold yourself for your mistakes, deeds and misdeeds, as well as the wrong choice, then you will live in the past all your life. It is better to convince yourself that in your past you acted exactly as you could and based on your then capabilities, experience and level of development in general.

You could commit a misdemeanor because you were scared, did not feel any support, were insecure or were in confusion, that is, you succumbed to emotions, which then were a natural reaction to what happened.

Think about what you learned then and what good this situation brought to you now. Show love to yourself in the past and sympathize with this person. Tell your then self the words you needed and talk about what you have learned over the years.

Try to forgive the people from that time

Perhaps now you are not blaming yourself, but your parents, children from a parallel class who mocked you, or the first man. What to do with them? Forgive as you forgave yourself. Now they are also different, and you constantly think of non-existent people. Perhaps they also learned from their mistakes, and at that time they simply did not know how to do otherwise.

Instead of thinking about how to take revenge on the offender and how the earth wears such people in general, live your life. And if this is really a hopelessly bad person, retribution will definitely find him.

Give thanks for the wisdom of your past

Even if the situation was terrible, you got through it and became better, more experienced and wiser. For that alone, you have to be thankful for your terrible past.

You can reflect on your thoughts and write down exactly what you have learned from this situation, person or your own act. Write it all down in a few paragraphs.

Make a note about how your life has changed after the incident, what you comprehended and realized after this story. These are the pearls of wisdom, and the rest is river silt and garbage that can be thrown away without regret.

Get to work

And not only by her. If you are stuck in your past for too long, you may just have a lot of free time. And it can be occupied with more sensible things. Find a job that gives you pleasure and devote all your days to it.

If after that you still have enough strength, including for heavy thoughts about the past, devote evenings to a hobby. Enjoying the present, you will not notice how you let go of the past and it will become very small in your life. Being active in the present will help you let go of the past.

Don't Forget the Good

You only need to let go of the bad things from the past. But good memories and your achievements from the past are proof that you can have a good life and you are capable of a lot. All this should be preserved.

Have a holiday

This The best way prove that life is beautiful here and now. Gather friends, organize a meeting of classmates or classmates, arrange theme parties, dance and communicate - when the present is beautiful and full of joy, you want to live in it, and not in memories.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello! For half a year now, I can not let go of past relationships. We met for 3 years, but there were 2 separations. The parting was long, about half a year. Then he came back to me with the words: "Forgive me, you were the best, I'm a fool." I forgave and we met again. And every time I kept thinking that this time it would definitely work out, because he was so set up in the beginning, and then over time his interest in me disappeared, and he became less and less for me, and I started to quarrel, he did not understand me, I just annoyed him more. It was moving towards parting again. After that, thoughts appeared in my head, maybe let him go and find a new guy, but at the same time I wanted to let him go, while in the hope that he would not let me go anywhere and we would be together. I let him go, and he agreed to no longer be together, but a week later I gave up and wrote to him, but he had already rejected me. We didn't talk for half a year after that. Then he wrote to me. This was our first breakup. The second parting is similar to the first. The third is the current one, he himself decided to leave me and said that we are not suitable for each other and it is better to be apart. After a couple of months, he just wrote to me to ask how things were going, he didn’t write anymore. Now he has a new girlfriend. I want to start new life, but the guys that appear on my way, they are not interesting to me. They don't grab me. And I'm afraid that I will not meet that one. Also, the unknown worries me. I live every ordinary day, and now I have no meaning in life. I often think about the past, how I used to be happy, but now I have nothing. And I understand that I can’t go back there, I’m not welcome there. And I don't know how to get out of this.

The psychologist Gladkova Elena Nikolaevna answers the question.

Hello Daria!

Parting with those who are dear to you is always difficult! And in your case, it also hurts, because this parting is due to the fact that your partner did not appreciate your ability to forgive and wait.

Of course, past relationships can “interfere” with the creation and construction of new ones for some time. But in order to speed up the time of their impact, especially if there is an understanding that the gap in the past is final, there are several ways that I can offer you for your use.

Take a look at your past relationships in terms of what you were able to learn from them. Analyze what you would like to take with you from the old ones as an experience and use it further, and what you are ready to leave as memories, but categorically would not like to see in your other relationships. Take a look at the relationship from the standpoint of whether you are satisfied with your position in them, whether the role of the “standard” that your partner offered you is suitable for you, constantly comparing you with other applicants, are you ready to continue to give up sowing and your desires, come to terms with the role a faithful friend waiting for her partner after another "spree" on the side in search of another possible ideal. Perhaps, after returning, you were presented with some additional requirements as a condition for your further stay together. Did they suit you? Are you ready to constantly change yourself to suit the new requirements of a changeable and unable to decide on his requirements for a partner of another guy, ready to distinguish you from others and wanting to give you preference? Think about what you generally agree to in order to “meet that one”, and most importantly, keep him next to you?

Now a little about the unknown in your life. I do not think that you are the only one who is lost in doubts about his further fate and life. Of course, you can resort to the help of all sorts of fortune-tellers and prophets who will gladly open the veil over the future for you! There would be a desire and opportunities! But, I assure you that everything they can offer you will still depend on what you yourself will do to fulfill these prophecies, what steps you will take, what people you will choose. Therefore, in my opinion, it is much easier and more reliable to think over your steps without prophecies, coordinating them only with own desires, having decided on what you want to achieve or receive, whom to see next to you, having studied what you yourself can offer others. And then move according to the plan, all the time adjusting it with your new capabilities, your new requests, but not forgetting that others have them too.

The past has already happened. And the best thing a person can do with it is to keep it in their memories, their history, draw some conclusions from it, use the experience gained in it for further movement in life. And although the end of life is theoretically understandable and practically inevitable for everyone, everyone fills the distance from birth to death with their own events, their own history. And whether it will be about “that the poor girl waited, waited and never waited ... in general, everyone died,” or whether she will be painted with the bitterness of loss and the joy of finding herself and her happiness again, depends only on the creator of such a personal story.

Perhaps there is no point in reminding once again that no one is immune from sudden losses and sharp turns of fate. Even the strongest, at first glance, relationships can break off at the most unexpected moment, or simply outlive themselves over time.

Perhaps your ex-lover turned out to be not quite the person you need, or one day he showed himself from a not very good side, thereby reducing all further relationships to nothing. Of course, things like this don't go unnoticed. And probably, in your heart for some time there will be an unpleasant aftertaste in the form of disappointments, jealousy and old grievances. These feelings are quite natural and predictable, but you will not accumulate them in yourself all your life, will you? Whatever it was, they do not carry anything pleasant and joyful. Then why not quickly forget about the person associated with them and make room in your heart for someone more worthy?

It is always worth remembering that life is too dynamic and multifaceted to dwell on negative experience of the past. Doing such things, a person not only drives himself into anguish, but also isolates himself from potential opportunities to fix everything and make his life more beautiful.

If the old lamp is burnt out, it is most reasonable to replace it with a new one. No need to regret. There is no need to complain that she burned out at the most inopportune moment. There is no need to remember how long you searched and how many places you visited to find it. Nothing detracts from your efforts, but perhaps all the bad things that happened to you were necessary for you to get a certain experience?

Perhaps the old lamp burned out in order for you to find something more suitable for you? To learn to better understand the lamps and their maximum power, in what kind of lighting they give. And you never know, why else. Yes, and your main task here is not to look for prerequisites for everything that happens, but to draw certain conclusions from life situations, and not think about them anymore. Don't regret. Don't get angry. Wish no evil. Do not carry this evil in yourself. Do not flaunt your offense and do not be proud of it. Moreover, do not remember the bad things that happened when you met another person.

Being engaged in such, who, if not you, bring negativity into new and quite comfortable relationships. "And yet, it was so terrible of him ... Just burn out to me." Undoubtedly. But what does it matter now? Right now, when another person is already with you, completely different from the one that was, and who does not even burn - is burning with love for you?

It should never be forgotten that a person is always able to manage his own happiness. Just like misfortune. And no matter how unfair what is happening to you at times may seem, always have the courage to draw certain lessons from it, without accumulating all the bad things in yourself. And even more so - get rid of this good and close people to you.

A complete collection of materials on the topic: how to stop living in past relationships? from experts in their field.

They say you can't fix a broken cup, but it gets a lot easier when you know how. The trick is to let go of the past. Easier said than done, but it's entirely possible. By following our instructions, you will be able to let go of past relationships and move on to the next chapter of your life.

1. Practice

Everything takes practice, and controlling emotions and feelings is no exception. Stop sitting in the back seat of your life, waiting for everything to happen by itself. Instead, roll up your sleeves and put in the effort. Over time, you will be able to develop the ability to think consistently and not dwell on what once was, but focus on what is now.

2. Forgive yourself

Nobody is perfect. If you think you didn't do anything wrong in a past relationship, you're out of your mind. There is a reason for your relationship to end. Something didn't click, and it wasn't what you were both looking for. No matter how shattered your world is, it's only natural to feel loss, rejection, and failure. Forgive yourself and move on.

3. Focus on the good

No relationship is completely devoid of something good, so focus on the good times you had together. Don't dwell on the fact that you could have done something better, and don't think about how to put it all back. Those times are gone, and even if you get back together with this person, it will not be the same as before. IN real life there are no second chances. Remember these good times with a smile. This time has passed, but it was happy. Don't let negative emotions about your ex influence your memories.

4. Learn from your mistakes

If you feel guilty, there is no need to bring yourself down. This eye-for-eye situation will only affect you, so you will lose. You will no longer be able to do everything right with this person, but you can analyze your mistakes and avoid them in the future. If you have learned something from your experience, then that time was not wasted.

5. Focus on yourself

Don't worry about what your ex thinks, how they feel, what they do, and who they talk to. There is no point in having long imaginary conversations, because there is no other person in your head but yourself. You repeat his words or make up answers. Stop worrying about what your ex is doing. You cannot control it. Focus only on what you yourself are doing.

It seems obvious, the best way to forget the past is to look to the future. Past relationships are not so bad, because you still have experience, as well as goals that need to be achieved. It's okay to remember the past from time to time, but don't let it get in the way of your present.

7. Don't try to forget

Trying to forget someone is a bad idea. If you force yourself to forget, you will do things that you shouldn't do. The time you spend with someone is part of your life. Why would you want to voluntarily give up a part of yourself? Don't set yourself the goal of forgetting something. This will happen anyway, but for quite natural reasons.

How to stop thinking about the past and start living? How to stop living in the past and start living in the present

It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, it's better to let go of the past than to keep it close to you. You need to let it go, if only because sometimes this is the only way to increase the level of energy in your life, get out of old relationship scenarios, accept yourself and others, and also just move on without pain.

Just living in the past is the same as moving backwards: you will see nothing but your own old footprints. That is why it is worth learning how to stop living in the past.

Try to understand that there is no past

Or rather, convince yourself. How is it not? Is it simple? Once on his show, Dr. Kurpatov asked a woman who was very obsessed with being beaten by her peers at school: “Are you afraid of 13-year-olds on the street today? No? So, those children who beat you are also gone. These are other people. What's the point of being afraid of something that simply isn't there?

Make a decision here and now

If you really want to stop living in the past and start living in the present, then don't cut the cat's tail piece by piece, work through each injury. It’s easier to throw everything into the trash at once: there’s not much that is needed.

Heal old wounds and traumas

This may require either a psychotherapist or independent practices. The easiest thing to do with this load of injuries is to burn them. Try to write down in a notebook for a week or two everything that stirs the soul and everything that pops up on its own with someone's words or actions. It is best to carry a notebook with you everywhere so as not to miss a single negative emotion. Remember all the bad things that happened in childhood and adolescence and carefully write down all the hurtful words and negative emotions that you experienced then. And in a couple of weeks, burn all this writing somewhere in the forest park and spread the ashes. You are almost free. However, there are other healing options.

Focus on your present

It's not as difficult as it seems. Pay attention to what you want right now, or what you are wearing. Ask yourself the question, what is your joy and what is most valuable for you at this particular moment. Try to do this every time you are carried back to the past, both terrible and wonderful.

Come to terms with the fact that everything goes away

Both bad and beautiful. It is normal for one stage to end and the next to begin. Moreover, the next one may be even more beautiful than the previous one.

Don't hold back your emotions if the past was terrible

It doesn't matter how much time has passed since the tragic events. You have the right to talk about it, and even shout out. If you want to send the past to hell, you must release it with your emotions.

Make plans for the future

Do not be afraid to even desire to fulfill your dream. Write out in detail your plan to achieve any of your goals and to fulfill your desires. This will definitely help you focus on the present and even enjoy it.

Send love and forgiveness to your past

If you constantly scold yourself for your mistakes, deeds and misdeeds, as well as the wrong choice, then you will live in the past all your life. It is better to convince yourself that in your past you acted exactly as you could and based on your then capabilities, experience and level of development in general.

You could commit a misdemeanor because you were scared, did not feel any support, were insecure or were in confusion, that is, you succumbed to emotions, which then were a natural reaction to what happened. Think about what you learned then and what good this situation brought to you now. Show love to yourself in the past and sympathize with this person. Tell your then self the words you needed and talk about what you have learned over the years.

Try to forgive the people from that time

Perhaps now you are not blaming yourself, but your parents, children from a parallel class who mocked you, or the first man. What to do with them? Forgive as you forgave yourself. Now they are also different, and you constantly think of non-existent people. Perhaps they also learned from their mistakes, and at that time they simply did not know how to do otherwise. Instead of thinking about how to take revenge on the offender and how the earth wears such people in general, live your life. And if this is really a hopelessly bad person, retribution will definitely find him.

Give thanks for the wisdom of your past

Even if the situation was terrible, you got through it and became better, more experienced and wiser. For that alone, you have to be thankful for your terrible past.

You can reflect on your thoughts and write down exactly what you have learned from this situation, person or your own act. Write it all down in a few paragraphs. Make a note about how your life has changed after the incident, what you comprehended and realized after this story. These are the pearls of wisdom, and the rest is river silt and garbage that can be thrown away without regret.

Get to work

And not only by her. If you are stuck in your past for too long, you may just have a lot of free time. And it can be occupied with more sensible things. Find a job that gives you pleasure and devote all your days to it. If after that you still have enough strength, including for heavy thoughts about the past, devote evenings to a hobby. Enjoying the present, you will not notice how you let go of the past and it will become very small in your life. Being active in the present will help you let go of the past.

Don't Forget the Good

You only need to let go of the bad things from the past. But good memories and your achievements from the past are proof that you can have a good life and you are capable of a lot. All this should be preserved.

Have a holiday

This is the best way to prove that life is beautiful here and now. Gather friends, organize a meeting of classmates or classmates, arrange themed parties, dance and communicate - when the real is beautiful and full of joy, you want to live in it, and not in memories.

psyhacker.com

It is human nature to accumulate not only material values, but also memories. Pleasant or unpleasant, they are an integral part of our lives, as well as the basis of experience and wisdom. But sometimes a person gets stuck in the past, constantly looking back instead of rapidly moving forward. This can cause serious problems. How to get rid of the past? How to learn to live in the present and the future?

Why do people get stuck in the past

To effectively solve a problem, you need to understand its essence. The past has a tremendous influence on a person. And that's why:

• Playback. In an ever-changing series of events, people inevitably encounter situations similar to those that took place in the past. Negative or positive memories involuntarily pop up in the head. Consciousness begins to search in the depths of memory for answers to recurring questions.
• Emotional dependency. Memory captures moments of the past, as well as the range of feelings that a person experienced at a particular moment. Speaking of emotions, it is worth noting that a person, as a rule, clings to something positive and joyful, replaying the event of the past days in his head again and again.
• Hypertrophied self-preservation instinct. It is expressed in the fact that a person falls into hysterics and panic when something in his life begins to change. Thus, he tries to protect himself from change as much as possible and maintain a state that was once safe and comfortable for him.

Recognize and accept the problem

The first step to get rid of the past is to recognize the problem. You must admit to yourself that you are confused in your memories, that you are stuck in the past days, that this is what prevents you from enjoying life and moving forward. It is important to hit the table with your fist and say to yourself: "Stop!" This will be the impetus for getting rid of old loads and the beginning of a new cloudless life.

Forgive and love your past self

Forgiving and loving yourself is the surest way to get rid of the past. By continuing to scold and reproach yourself, you will not change past events, but you will poison your present and close the road to the future. But if you let go of what has already happened, you can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Choose a quiet time and replay in your mind the past situation that is haunting you. And look at it through the eyes of yourself "then", and not yourself "today". Your job is to justify your actions. Circumstances, youth, lack of knowledge and experience, lack of support - then you simply could not do otherwise. Forgive and love your past self, even pity to love your present self.

Treat the past with gratitude

How to get rid of the past? Treat the past times not with sadness, but with gratitude. After all, no matter how difficult and vague past events may have been, it is to them that you owe what you are now. Difficulties have taught you to be persistent, courageous. You have become stronger, you have begun to perceive life's troubles more easily.

Psychologists in this case recommend using a technique with the poetic name "Pearls of Wisdom". Its essence is to analyze the situation that haunts you, and, as a result, write down on a piece of paper everything that she taught you, how she changed you. These are the "pearls". Thank the past for them and let go of the situation without regret.

Forgive and release people from the past

To start living full life It is important to know how to get rid of past relationships and connections. Surely there were people in your life who offended you, set you up, or left you alone when you needed help. Often the grievances of the past interfere with making new acquaintances and building new relationships. You subconsciously expect a dirty trick and betrayal from everyone.

Let go of your resentment and hatred. Those people with whom you are offended have changed a long time ago, in fact, just like you. It is possible that they, too, regret their act. Of course, no one forces you to love them, maintain close contacts with them, and so on. But you just have to forgive them. They don't need to talk about it. Just get rid of the resentment within yourself.

Rewrite old scripts

"Live in the past, how to get rid of it?" - this is the question that many people come to see a psychologist. During the conversation, experts often notice that throughout his life the patient walks in circles, constantly stepping on the same rake, acting in a similar "wrong" way in similar situations.

The reason is that human brain captures scripts that fire whenever you are in a similar situation. To break this vicious circle, you need to rewrite the negative script of the past in a positive way. Imagine that the situation that haunts you is resolved in your favor. Think of a sequence of actions that could lead to a positive outcome. This will help you avoid making mistakes in the future.

Learn to appreciate the present

If you are tired of despondency, you need to figure out how to get rid of the past and live in the present. After all, what is life? This is what is happening, how you look, how you feel right now. If you constantly dwell on the past, you miss out on unique moments that are irretrievably gone. Very soon, for you, they will also become the past, for which you will begin to blame yourself.

To stop the past from dominating your life, block it with thoughts about the present. Think more about how you look now, how you feel now, how comfortable you are now, what you would like now. Surprisingly, such thoughts release internal energy and charge a person with joyful thoughts.

Get rid of excess

The right way get rid of past connections and events - clear your personal space of everything that reminds you of the old days. Human nature is hoarding. Photographs, souvenirs, clothes, interior items, utensils - every thing in your home is probably associated with some kind of memory. And they are not always pleasant.

Set a goal within a month to make a complete audit of everything that is stored in your house. Looking at each thing, listen to inner feelings and the voice of memory. If there is a negative, feel free to get rid of this item (throw away, give away, sell). Gradually surround yourself with new "clean" things that will gradually be filled with positive meaning.

Do an emotional reset

In the process of finding means and ways to get rid of jealousy of the past, a person tries to be calm and balanced. But this is not always the right approach. Negative emotions need to be vented to make room for new positive thoughts and feelings.

You can do it the most different ways. You can scream loudly, break a cup, tear a newspaper into small pieces, cry sobbing. Good for emotional release physical exercise, which also bring considerable benefits to the body in terms of healing and aesthetics.

Effective techniques for dealing with memories

If the basic methods failed to get rid of the memories of the past, use additional methods that work quickly and clearly. Here are the main ones:

• Positive attitude. Before you get out of bed in the morning, tune in to the perception of the new. Program yourself that the new day will bring positive moments, which will later fall into the "piggy bank" of your pleasant memories.
• Give the negativity to the water. If you feel like your thoughts are being overwhelmed by negative memories of the past, go to the sink and turn on the water. While looking at the jet, scroll through everything that bothers you in your head, imagining how negative emotions flow down the drain along with the water.
• Change the environment. The ideal scenario is a radical change of residence. A more realistic option is to add new details to your surroundings (re-paste the wallpaper, hang new curtains, get a new interesting hobby).
• Expand your social circle. Contact with people helps to switch from negative thoughts to an interesting conversation. It is good if during the period of emotional decline you communicate with some new people with whom you do not have common negative memories from the past.
• Change your image. Internal reincarnation, according to psychologists, is much easier if it is accompanied by external transformation. Visit a hairdresser, adjust your wardrobe, sign up for a gym - update your appearance.
• Get rid of bad habits. Oddly enough, but this is a common recommendation of psychologists. The fact is that alcohol and nicotine depress the psyche, forcing you to return to unpleasant moments of the past again and again. By giving up these habits, you will cleanse the body and thoughts.

Meditation

Meditation is one of the most effective ways get rid of the past life. It is simple, accessible, does not require special skills. The main thing is to devote to meditation every day for at least a few minutes. This is done as follows:

• Choose a quiet and peaceful place where you feel comfortable and where no one will disturb you.
• Take a comfortable position. It is not necessary to sit in the lotus position, like yoga. You can sit, lie down, stand.
• Close your eyes and try to relax completely.
• Imagine that you are surrounded by endless and beautiful nature. But you have a heavy bag in your hands, which prevents you from running towards the world around you.
• Mentally open the bag, revealing a pile of stones in it. Throw them out of the bag one by one, giving each stone some meaning - an event of the past.
• When the stones "run out", lie quietly for a few more minutes, then take a refreshing shower to wash off the remnants of negativity.

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How to stop thinking about the past, learn to live in the present

Sometimes dealing with memories can be very difficult. Especially if the events were very painful and traumatic. Anxious thoughts about past resentment or betrayal keep the wounded psyche in a bygone time for a long time. Stuck in the past prevents you from moving forward, it takes a lot of energy and does not allow you to enjoy the joys of the present. How to stop thinking about the past in order to feel the fullness of life?

There is no such mechanism that would remove past memories from memory. But you can change your attitude to a situation that once hurt you a lot. And take it as a lesson.

Lessons of fate

In order not to engage in self-flagellation, it is important to realize that the past has developed as it has developed. The combination of circumstances, experience, personal qualities, led to those events that left such a strong mark.

A break with a loved one will teach you to be more careful about new relationships, taking into account previous mistakes.

Mistakes help you understand yourself, see those qualities of character that prevent you from living, draw a conclusion and move on.

So that the burden of the past does not pull back, it is worth comparing yourself to the past and the present, to see the changes and thank the situation.

There are no perfect people, everyone can make mistakes.

Forgive yourself and other participants in the events in order to live on.

Time cures. If someone acted unworthily, then sooner or later life will put everything in its place.

The psychology of parting

For a woman, one of the most stressful periods in life is parting.

Girls are so arranged that it is not easy for them to forget a loved one and sometimes it is not possible to let go of the past for years. But it still has to be done

to build a new one. Psychologists advise you to definitely end the relationship correctly. Most often, it is not easy to discuss the situation with the person who caused the pain. But you need to say it so that the unspoken problem does not keep you in suspense.

What happens if the relationship is not over?

Unable to build new relationships;

In the friendships that have been made, anxiety and uncertainty visit;

Periodically, a former partner appears;

Thoughts return to the painful situation. The depressive state is growing: sleep and appetite worsen;

Every new partner perceived with caution.

If we imagine a person as a vessel filled with energy, then each incomplete connection is a hole through which forces flow. They leave with thoughts, scrolling situations, resentment. When unsuccessful relationships accumulate, it threatens with a huge loss of life energy.

Relationship breakdown across all categories

To break the connection, you need to break it at all levels.

Energy. Remember all the good things that happened to this person, thank him and let him go.

Social. Divorce the marriage if it hasn't already happened.

Family. Announce to relatives that a separation has occurred and you are no longer husband and wife. Breaking the connection with the past means learning to live in the present.

Not everyone wants to seek the help of a psychotherapist. So that the problem does not worsen, it is important to try to cope with it yourself.

Examples of parting with a negative past

1. Reach agreement with the past. Everyone makes mistakes and that doesn't make them bad. Do not judge yourself too harshly, do not scroll the situation over and over again. This will only lead to a mental disorder and will not give a positive result.
2. Free yourself from negative emotions. Work through each emotion separately:

resentment, fear, guilt, regret. They are what keep people in

past and interfere with the present.

1. Forgive yourself and others. When resentment lives in the heart, it closes.

After working through negative emotions, you need to find the possibility of forgiveness. And, in

First of all, forgive yourself.

1. Everything in life is relative and only death cannot be corrected. Perhaps a difficult situation in the past will eventually turn out to be a pleasant turn in fate.

1. Live in the here and now.

1. Find your purpose in life. There is a truth - what you are afraid of, then it happens. It is better to focus on your desires, write them down and move in that direction.
2. You can't change the past, you can enjoy the present and influence the future.
3. After analyzing the past, benefit from wrong deeds.
4. Create your own ritual for liberation from long-gone events.

1. Use visualization to release negativity. With the help of pictures, imagine a new, interesting and fulfilling life.

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But in my time: how to stop living in the past?

Watching the same movie every day, always listening to the same song, reading only one book - do you get stuck often?

Women love to reflect. It’s very convenient to feel sorry for yourself when you don’t get along with the present, and happiness doesn’t fall from the sky. The question is not when it was better: earlier or now!

Endlessly nostalgic, you betray yourself and lose the opportunity to live on. And most often all this nostalgia closes on former men turning into an interesting game.

In a relationship with Artem, you yearn for Oleg, with Vadim you dream of Max, and with Oleg you thought how good it was with Misha.

Let me guess, with none of them to create full-fledged and happy relationship Did not work out? Confess in the comments.

How to stop poking around in the past and start living? To begin with - to work hard, not easy - but you will be satisfied with the results. So let's go and don't look back!

mind games

Understand, the memory is very selective and only your view of what was or what it seemed to you (in every sense of the word).

It distorts information if it is associated with not the best experience and emotions. And adds color, if then you were happy, but now not so much.

The likelihood that the past will seem more beautiful and attractive than it actually was increases significantly.

And even if you really were happier than now, do you really agree to never have new highlights?

Santa Claus - no!

Do you remember how in childhood any holiday became fairy tale? Most likely, your parents, grandparents, uncle or aunt created magic for you.

When you grow up, this feeling dulls or disappears altogether.

Your adult brain already understands how much effort you need to invest in this holiday and tries to evaluate its expediency.

It doesn't smell like magic anymore. Anguishing anticipation meets boring gatherings with the same conversations, people and gifts that you really didn’t dream about at all.

To change this is quite simple: you need to take responsibility for your life on yourself and arrange a holiday yourself. In the life of a self-sufficient woman, desires come true in the most appropriate way for her. And often they are involved worthy men.

“I can’t forget” and “I want to return”

Remember the former in a new relationship, how they stand on the green light when everyone is already ready to go forward.

Of course, you can try to return it if you are sure that you yourself have changed in better side and is ready to build something qualitatively new (and he does not mind at all).

It will work if you admit your mistakes and don't hold a grudge against him. Otherwise, do not raise walls from the ashes.

How to get rid of obsessive thoughts about him?

1. Clean inside. Finally express everything that has accumulated. Write down your thoughts and emotions on paper, and then burn them. Allow yourself to be angry with him. If you want, beat the dishes, throw away his gifts.

2. Clean outside. What else do you keep? Gigabytes of joint photos, old correspondence, sleeping in his T-shirt, plush hare?

It's time to get rid of all the treasures! Yes, yes, and from a hare too!

3. Help a friend. Do not sit within four walls, feel free to accept invitations from girlfriends and friends, communicate. Share your feelings with someone you trust.

Remember: when you let go of the previous experience, if you go through a lesson, only then something new is pulled up behind it.

What if…

Maybe it would be easier if we were tormented only by happy memories, but we usually suffer because of the opposite.

The main fear of many women: "What if ... a new relationship will be the same as the previous one?".

And I'll tell you this: in order to build relationships between a man and a woman on love and trust, those very happy ones, you need courage.

This is the case when you have to show courage, take a risk, and as a result get the very gift and holiday that you have dreamed of all your life.

The same applies to situations when mentally you repeatedly return to failures, rash actions, mistakes in the spirit: “But then I would…”

The most destructive approach to life: fantasizing about a situation that happened a long time ago and gave a result.

This is just the case when you need to remember that you bring any experience into your life yourself, literally by the hand - with your thoughts, words, actions. And then you complain that life and fate treated you unfairly.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

In this case, it is important to realize that the experience that you have now, then you did not have. And she just couldn't do it any other way. That's how the circumstances came about.

Here, Irvin Yalom's quote is most relevant: "Sooner or later, you will have to give up hope for a better past."

How to do this, I tell in detail on my free online course Man: an honest instruction.

Set a course

Uncertainty often causes more fear than real life moments. You seem to be marking time, afraid to take a step. Come on, decide where you're going.

At least write down long-term and short-term goals on a piece of paper, break them into small steps and move towards them.

In fact, the past affects your life only to the extent that you allow it to.

Surely you have heard the phrase “stop moping, it’s better to get down to business” at least once. Of course, a sentence from the category “advise your own advice to yourself”, but there is a rational grain in it.

Women tend to hover in the clouds and get hung up on emotions. Therefore, it is useful to ground yourself and keep yourself busy: new job, a hobby, a small women's business, so that there is no time to think about stupid things.

To distract from the thought process, you need to switch to the physical. This will be the notorious “here and now”.

With faith in you, Yaroslav Samoilov.

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How to Stop Living in the Past, Live in the Present

Many people want to forget about their past, since it is not always good for everyone, but few people know how to stop living in the past, live in the present. Therefore, it is worth considering what is more important for you, your past or present, and what are the methods to get rid of unnecessary memories and start living happily and successfully in real time.

In the article, psychologists will give you advice and tell you how to stop living in the past, live in the present so that your life begins to change for the better and you become much more successful and happier.

How to stop living in the past

The past that we cannot forget is good and bad, so there is no point in thinking about what is harmful in the present. If there are good memories and achievements in the past, think about them, they will allow you to act and achieve success in today's life, since knowledge and experience are very important. But to forget about the bad past and stop living in it, get active in the present. Find your favorite job or hobby, which will be much stronger than your past, then you will not have time to think about it and you will soon forget what you were worried about. Read also what is the power of self-motivation, as it will allow you to move forward towards your goals and dreams.

Do not think about what can not be returned

The past cannot be returned, so why grieve and think about it, live in the present in order to stop living in the past, because this will affect your future. Live where you are now, develop, act and succeed. Why do we need a past that cannot be returned today, especially if it is not very good. After all, the lived hour, minute, moment can no longer be returned, this is the past. Therefore, we waste time on the very memories of the past, depression, fear and anxiety. Time goes by and there is not so much of it to pay attention to bad and unnecessary attention, you need to live happy life, today, at this moment.

Think about the future

Since the past cannot be returned, we need to think about what can be changed, this is our future and present. It has been proven that we all create only because of our desires, thoughts and feelings, since there is nothing accidental in the world, everything is created by us and the program of nature. Some can and do know how to manage their lives with the help of thoughts, while others cannot, because they are busy remembering the past. At this given moment and minute, you create your future with your thoughts, since the present is the result of past thoughts that cannot be changed. Therefore, in order to stop living in the past, live in the present, enjoying life, be happy, achieve success and the highest desires, which sometimes go beyond the aisles of our world here.

Get to work

The one who thinks about the past has too much free time, which he directs not to what is really important. Therefore, it is better to get busy with work, work more, more often and longer, so that you do not have time to think about the past, then you will correct yourself and think about your life and be able to somehow correct it. Thinking about the past, you can not fix anything and do more harm than good to yourself. Diligence and perseverance will allow you to distract not only from unnecessary memories, but also from depression, fear, doubt and insecurity.

Dream and create big goals

To stop living in the past and start living in the present, you need to create a huge dream and big goals. Go to bed with a dream, and wake up with a goal, then you will be constantly on the move and eventually achieve everything you wanted. Do not forget about dreams, as they can give you a hint about what and how best to do in a given problem or situation. They will give answers to your questions, for this, read how to correctly interpret dreams, since this is more important than thoughts about the past, since a dream is a hint of the subconscious mind, what exactly needs to be done and how to act.

PSYCHOLOGIST'S ADVICE

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Every day something new and interesting happens in our lives, but often many of us do not notice it. It seems to us that we are moving forward, but in fact we are constantly looking back at events that once occupied an important place in our lives. Of course it's great when there are good memories, but what if we start living in the past. It is hardly worth comparing the present with the past, because all the same, time cannot be turned back and something changed. The only thing that needs to be taken out of the past is the conclusions on the mistakes made and the successes that have taken place.

If you spend a lot of time on the past, then you should think about the question: "How to stop living in the past?". Constantly reflecting on past failures makes it difficult to connect with loved ones in the present, distracts from work and prevents you from living in the present and experiencing joy in the moment. All people need to be able to let go of the past and not dwell on it. If you exist with thoughts in the past, you will never be able to build a happy future. There are ways to influence yourself and your present and stop living in the past. In this article, you will find the most accessible and easy ways that you can implement and thereby help yourself.

First of all, decide for yourself what you lack in the present. Quiet life or positive emotions. It is in your hands to make your life more diverse or, on the contrary, more calm and measured. Gather your friends and have a party, and then make it a rule to get together every month.

Try meditation - it frees the mind and body and leads to relaxation. It is important during meditation to think about the present and not return to your past.

You shouldn't regret the past. Try to forgive yourself and those around you for everything that happened. Forgiveness is the path to liberation. The past was in your life so that you could learn something and learn a lesson.

There is such an expression: "Here and now" - this should become your slogan in the present and future. Here is the place where you live in the present, and now is the time in which you need to live and enjoy every moment of life.

If you have been greatly offended in the past, then you should not withdraw into yourself. There are always people around you who love you and will not betray you. Spend as much time with them as possible, enjoy their attention and love. Force yourself to trust people again, even if it's hard.

In every life situation, take responsibility for yourself, be responsible for your words and actions. Of course, you can not control the actions of other people, but you can change your own. Always participate in all events, and do not become a victim of them. You cannot go back to the past, but you can change the future.

The past is your history and if you experience any feelings of regret or resentment, then this is only your choice. Find your goal or remember what you dreamed about before the events that upset you so much. And then boldly move towards your goal, because when you have something to move towards, you will gradually forget about the past.

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How to stop living in the past?

Every day something new and interesting happens in our life. But not everyone notices this, because they live in memories of events from the past. For some, they are pleasant and happy, for others, resentment and disappointment remain. But be that as it may, you need to stop living in the past and start living in the present.

Of course, it is very good when there is something to remember. But these memories should not interfere with living in the moment.

It doesn’t matter what causes constant thoughts about the past, positive or negative emotions, but you should clearly realize that the past cannot be returned, but only the present minutes need to be valued.

Often the problem of constant thoughts about the past occurs in people who have a lot of free time. It is worth finding for yourself as many useful and interesting activities as possible so that life becomes rich and full of positive emotions and impressions.

How to stop living in past relationships?

Any relationship, no matter how strong and reliable it may seem, can break at the most unexpected moment. From sharp turns of fate and sudden losses, none of us is immune.

From the point of view of psychology, it is necessary to stop living in the past, no matter how difficult it may seem at first. There is no point in regretting a relationship that cannot be returned. The past is worth analyzing and learning for yourself. Of course, at first it will be difficult not to think about it. An unpleasant aftertaste and feelings of disappointment and resentment will remain in the soul, but you need to understand that you need to live now. Therefore, it is better to communicate more and make new acquaintances. It is also recommended to find interesting hobbies for yourself that can distract yourself from unnecessary thoughts.

Time flies very quickly, so you need to appreciate every moment and fill your life with positive emotions right now.

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