Why I fall in love 35 years. Low demand for love and sex

Probably, you should immediately make a reservation that limiting spiritual impulses is not The best way bring lightness and happiness into your life. But there are some things that for every woman by the age of 35 will be only pleasant baggage, and not a heavy burden and useless experience.

For most of us, 35 years is a golden age. The careless mistakes of youth are already in the past, in the eyes there is an alluring mystery and wisdom of life, and any 20-year-old beauty can envy the feline grace and ability to feel her sexuality.

1. Experiment with looks

By the age of 35, it would be good to decide for sure - which hair color is categorically not yours, which one makes you fat, and which one ages. It’s great if your appearance underwent all the harsh experiments at the peak of the hormonal rampage: at the age of 15-18. And at 35, without a twinge of conscience, you can already reconsider photos of a daring youth, where there was a time for a perehydrol blonde, and pink curls, and green leggings, and crooked arrows a la smoky eyes at graduation.

2. Break away to the fullest (or not to the fullest)

What could be more attractive than the look of a cat that has had enough of a walk? She knows perfectly well what a full drive is, but now she does not seek to break the chain at every opportunity. And this gives her a special mystery associated with her knowledge of the fullness of life. It's great when a girl at 35 can remember dancing on the bar or on the table, and nightly swimming in the pool, or even in the fountain, and other delights of passionate youth.

3. Get girlfriends

Until the age of 35, you will have a lot of chances to find good, devoted girlfriends - at school, college, at work ... She may even be Native sister or mom, and not taking advantage of these opportunities would be very stupid. If you haven’t made a single girlfriend before the age of 35, this is a rather sad fact. Still, it is sometimes vital for people at any age to share joys or sorrows with someone and trust the innermost.

4. Learn to cook deliciously

If at the age of 20 poorly fried meat can be attributed to lack of experience, then at 35 the inability to cook can only be afforded by a well-to-do and insanely busy woman who has the opportunity to have a housekeeper or a personal chef. In all other cases, nothing can justify the inability to cook in these years.

5. Learn to earn

Even if you successfully married a multimillionaire, then learning how to earn at least your own underwear and lipstick will still not be superfluous. In order not to be at the age of 35, in which case, a helpless chick without the strength and possibilities of existence, a woman must be able to be financially independent.

6. Get hurt in love

No matter what anyone says, almost any love suffering in youth is a great experience, and for many even a source of strength and inspiration. Only after going through such a harsh school of relationships can we understand “what is good” and “what is bad”, who can be trusted and who should beware. And often it is thanks to the negative experience in relationships that we can then recognize the true, sincere feeling.

7. Discover your sexuality

If by the age of 35 you have not managed, then you risk living with them all your life. What a 20-year-old cannot do, a 25-year-old is embarrassed to do, a 35-year-old woman must master the technique perfectly. A couple of sex experiments in the erotic collection will not hurt you. And the most important thing at 35 for a woman is to be able to have fun.

8. Patch holes in education

It is useful to read at least according to the program: Anna Karenina, The Master and Margarita, The Idiot, The Brothers Karamazov, and also get acquainted with the work remark, Fitzgerald, Oscar Wilde… You can continue the list yourself. It would be nice to improve your knowledge of history. It will not be superfluous for sure, but to show off erudition and better understand the world order will help for sure.

9. Have a hobby

Self-realization in any of its manifestations is the best way from depression and illness. Someone seriously "gets sick" with raising children, someone with scientific discoveries, parachuting or breeding hamsters. The main thing is to find what brings you pleasure.

10. Buy something crazy expensive

At 35, we are already big enough girls and can afford to fork out for a dream or even a momentary whim. The time of cheap fakes has passed and it's time to buy really worthwhile things: for example, elegant Louboutin shoes, or maybe a ring or earrings from Tiffany.

11. Learn to forgive insults

Holding a grudge against someone is more expensive for yourself. Nerves deteriorate, anger negatively affects mood and health. At 35, it's time to live full life and breathe deeply, without the stone shackles of resentment hidden in the chest. At this age, you should already have enough intelligence and self-respect to forgive ex boyfriend, best friend or reconcile with relatives.

12. Increase self-esteem

No “I’m fat”, “ugly”, “I have short legs”, “sparse hair” and “ungrateful work” ... By the age of 35, it would be time to either learn to accept yourself for who you are, or be able to hide and fight your own imperfections. Fitness clubs, beauty salons, proper clothes And right attitude to your beloved - an indispensable must-have for any 35-year-old lady.

13. Know the recipe for a cocktail that blows your mind and beware of its consequences.

At 35, you certainly don't have to be a chaste and innocent sheep. But to be able to drink alcohol so that in the morning you are not ashamed of your behavior is simply a must.

14. Find your hairdresser and gynecologist

These are two guardians of women's health. The first is psychological (the manipulations of a hairdresser are sometimes much more effective than talking with a psychologist), and the second is physical (the head doctor, after all, is for women, who must definitely suit you in all respects).

15. Learn and make small talk

If sudden outbursts of anger and harsh statements about relatives, friends, loved ones in adolescence can still be somehow attributed to intemperance, then, you see, in adulthood, a self-respecting lady should be able to control herself, be diplomatic in different situations. In addition, a woman must master the techniques of making small talk - who knows in what circles and societies she will have to communicate.

In general, the list of what a woman should already have time to do by this wonderful period of life can be endless. Each of us has our own strict criteria and evaluations of ourselves. The main thing is that they are.

How to relate to your age, having reached the middle of life? Watch in our video:

Are you sure that all the best in your life is behind you? Yes, of course, at the age of 20, every girl thinks that she can move mountains. At this time, we had time to work, and take exams, and, of course, have fun until the morning with many friends. At this age, we were not afraid of difficulties, problems and were sure that we had our whole life ahead of us. But time is running, and no power can stop it. You did not have time to look back, as you have already crossed the 35-year milestone. Yes, now you have experience, now you know that dreaming about the impossible is just wasting time. The first wrinkles appear on the face, despite the fact that you carefully take care of yourself, trying to “throw off” at least a couple of years. Is the terrible word "maturity" just around the corner?

It is at the age of 35 that a woman especially acutely feels the “age limit”. You are sure that it is too late to start life from scratch. After all, you are already an adult woman who is not allowed to make a mistake, and the frivolity of youth will no longer paint you.

Looking through job ads, you often stumble upon the age limit - up to 35 years. That is, it turns out that for those who have already crossed this line, the road to prestigious companies has already been closed? If before this age you did not have time to create a family, then now there is nothing to try - did the train leave long ago? Is carefree youth really left behind, and despondency, grayness, routine awaits ahead?

But no! Each age has its own advantages and disadvantages. You just need to skillfully use the first and avoid the second. Thirty-five years for a woman is a golden time. Of course, it’s too late to think about a modeling career, but now you don’t have girlish complexes, false constraints, doubts. Try to look objectively at your age. Add wisdom and experience to natural data, and you will get a formula for success. The main thing is to believe that 35 years is the best period for the implementation of the plan.

1. Time for professional self-realization

Fate from the very beginning did not favor this girl. She lost her mother early and ended up in an orphanage, where she was taught not only to pray, but also the basics of tailoring. Having reached her majority, the young girl got a job in a clothing store. In the evenings, she sang for the soul in a small restaurant. Despite the fact that she failed to become a singer, she got patrons, with the help of whom she opened her fashionable hat store. However, she did not stop there, and, having borrowed money, she opened her own fashion boutique. At that time she was already over 30 years old. And it was from that moment that the story of the fame of the famous Gabrielle-Coco Chanel began.

Remember that you can change your life for the better at any time and at any age. If you haven't had time to graduate, or your job doesn't suit you, now is the time to correct the mistakes of youth. Psychologists say with confidence that after 35 a woman expects a second youth. Children are already more or less adults, and you can devote time to yourself and your beloved. You can finally do what you have dreamed of all your life. Moreover, now you know exactly what you want and where exactly you can open up completely. At the same time, it is worth considering that you will no longer start your ascent from scratch - your experience will go with you, your understanding that success in any business is the result of work, perseverance.

If we talk about studying, then many women who are 35 years old are embarrassed to sit down at a school desk. Needless to say, this shame is false. Surely you are aware that higher education opens up new career paths for you? Yes, and the circle of communication is expanding significantly.

Most importantly, try not to focus on problems. Do not take with you into the future all your negative experience, baggage of errors. Remember that you have many advantages over your young competitors. These advantages should be considered in more detail.

So here are your ingredients for success:

- responsibility. Usually by this age, many women are already acquiring families, that is, they are responsible for someone's life. And the management of many companies treats serious, adult women more trustingly than frivolous talented persons;

- self-organization. You have already learned to control yourself, your words, actions and emotions. You can take control of any unforeseen situation. You are sure that there are no problems that could not be solved, and you are able not only to admit, but also to correct your mistakes;

- relationships. At your age, you already have a wealth of experience in dealing with people. It will be much easier for you to find a common language with your superiors, with employees and with clients. In addition, thirty-year-old women are much less likely to conflict and assert themselves at the expense of others.

2. Great time to love!

From early childhood, she dreamed of becoming a singer. Despite the fact that by the age of 30 the whole world was talking about her, this young woman’s personal life did not work out. She had her first child at ... 38 years old. It's all about Madonna.

At 35, you can not only make a career, but also change something in your personal life, and maybe, in general, radically change it. Statistics say that by the age of 35, many women break up with their lovers or get divorced. The reason is a new view of the world, a rethinking of life values. You can't get discouraged. You just tell yourself that 35 is far from 55, and you still have a lot of time to find your soul mate, start a family.

No need to regret the bitter experience in your personal life. Today you yourself can make decisions based on your desires and aspirations. The main thing is to tune in to the positive. If you want to build a long-term relationship, there is no need to doubt - you will succeed. Moreover, today there are not just a lot of opportunities to get to know each other, but a lot. You just need to go out more often, communicate with friends, go to the cinema, theater, exhibitions. You can use the help of the Internet. Visit courses, trainings, studios - there you can not only learn how to communicate more relaxedly, but also find new friends. Or maybe your love.

And do not hesitate to flirt, because in this way you not only tell the man that you liked her, but once again you have the opportunity to make sure that you are attractive.

Your benefits:

- realism. You will not idealize even the most impeccable man, you will not create an “idol” for yourself, which means you will not be disappointed in the end;

- healthy practicality. You already know the price of ordinary words, even beautiful ones. You have already understood that to love with your ears is "impractical", it is better to pay attention to deeds, actions;

- sexuality. Sexologists unanimously say that 35 years is the heyday of female sensuality. You already know perfectly well what you want from a partner, an intimate life. And you know how to distinguish good sex from bad.

3. Be realized in children!

This lady is a unique combination of bright appearance and sharp mind. However, the way to the top took too long. Success came into her life when she was already over 30. Having enjoyed fame to the fullest, she decided to think about her family and children. However, she had to part ways with her husband, a media mogul. But she adopted children and feels absolutely happy. Who is she? Sharon Stone.

35 is a period of not only a reassessment of values, but also a lot of opportunities to live for your own pleasure. You no longer need to prove to everyone around that you are worth something. You have already proven everything. Now you can think about yourself as well.

The only thing that can prevent you from enjoying life at this stage is your prejudices and fears. Are you afraid to change the established rhythm of life, afraid of complications during " late pregnancy", you are afraid that you will not be able to combine a career and a baby. All these are far-fetched obstacles, fears. Try to ask yourself: what is more terrible for you - your far-fetched problems or childlessness. And immediately everything will fall into place. baby will change not only you, but also your attitude to life.If you feel that at this stage you have achieved everything that is possible - you have moved up the career ladder, your relationship with your husband has become somewhat mundane - let new emotions, impressions into your life, think about offspring.

Your benefits:

- family. You can already count on the support of people close to you;

- material base. You have your own apartment, you have achieved good success in your work. And you can afford maternity leave and a nanny. Your baby will not need anything;

- knowledge of life. Your experience of relationships, communication can only be envied. You will no longer make elementary mistakes with your child. And most importantly - you have something to teach your baby.

And always, in any situation, remember that all the best is yet to come!

When and why do men have a midlife crisis? How does the attitude of the stronger sex towards women change over the years? In order to comprehend the rich inner world of men different ages, ELLE turned to the experts of the international service eDarling and the international network "Training Center SEKS.RF" for clarification.

Young people, due to youthful maximalism, often go to extremes, especially when it comes to love relationships. This is the time of growing up of feelings and the formation of a personality, when falling in love covers a man with his head, but due to lack of experience, it can be difficult for him to cope with such an influx of strong and new feelings.

Women seem to him a mysterious and dangerous element, and it is at this age that most love torments fall. Guys pay attention to interesting girls: it is important for them that the partner is a passionate nature, open to new things, since they themselves want to expand their horizons - and preferably with a like-minded person. For 35% of men, it is important to share hobbies and interests with a loved one. Alas, at this age a man may not be too sensitive, and the experiences of a woman seem to him something incomprehensible. He does not attach much importance to her problems.

But there are pluses in a relationship with a young man: he takes love attachments very seriously. He will remember the first stable relationship all his life, he will carry these memories through the years, and after decades those feelings will still seem special to him. At this age, the thirst for great and pure love is so great that it is difficult to forgive betrayal and betrayal. 94% of men will part with a traitor, while only 22% will succumb to the temptation themselves. In sex, young people are not too inventive, because the act of intimacy in itself gives incredible sensations. However, sluggish swarming under the covers is also not about them - in youth there is nothing worse than routine. Not surprisingly, 50% of young experimenters will be happy to try a threesome with their beloved. Be ready for his offer to make love in an unexpected place and other erotic fantasies.

A man in his prime is energetic and focused on his career. This does not mean at all that the relationship for him goes by the wayside - rather, he simply expects a little more from them. At this time, the feeling of a reliable rear, stability and mutual understanding is especially important, because after the exploits at work, you really want to return home, where you can relax in peace. By the age of 35, 41% of men realize that a woman who knows how to cook is a gift of fate. This does not mean at all that cooking and raising children will become your paths: an ambitious person will be able to appreciate your success in work and will be sincerely interested in your personal growth, because marriage for him means looking not at each other, but in one direction. For 35% of men, the commonality of plans for the future with a loved one becomes more important than joint hobbies and even intimate relationships.

A mature man looks at his future partner for a long time, but if a woman arouses interest in him and proves his readiness for life together, then next to her will be a reliable and caring life partner, able to turn a blind eye to her shortcomings. At this age, a man is attentive not only to the appearance of a woman (this is already not enough for him), he evaluates her as a person.

In addition, this age is characterized by a desire to diversify sex life: oddly enough, the most extreme fantasies do not appear in men at a young age - they come with experience. A rich sex life is an important aspect of a relationship for 57% of men. Mature young men are so open to experiments in intimate life that you can safely offer your partner any sex toys or attributes of "BDSM" - he will readily support such initiatives.

A midlife crisis is not as terrible as the prospect of meeting it alone: ​​62% of men are ready to be in a relationship without love, just not to be alone.

A mature man is experiencing a new upsurge of vitality and especially appreciates the novelty of sensations. At this age, he is able to leave a woman the right to remain herself - he will accept your originality and independence. Only 48% of survey participants will not be able to forgive the betrayal of their beloved. If at a younger age men prefer a partnership of passion, then a mature man sees in a woman a muse that can inspire new achievements. A man over 40 will love you simply because you are who you are, he will be interested in just communicating with you, getting to know you and enjoying life together. An adult man will be ready to accept your weaknesses and will appreciate your ability not to focus on problems. He loves comfort and is ready to organize a quiet, comfortable life for a woman, where nothing will interfere with enjoying each other's company. He will not protect his independence from you, since he no longer needs to prove it to himself and fight complexes, but in return he will expect wisdom and condescension from you (56%). Maybe sex in men of this age category does not happen so often anymore, but he already puts the interests of a partner in bed above his own.

Ekaterina Lyubimova, leading Russian sex coach:

founder of the international network "Training Center SEX.RF"

Men want sex at any age - it's just how nature arranged them. But each period of life leaves its imprints on their picture of the world, dictating special behavior in relationships and the sexual sphere.

At 25 he just wants sex, by and large, with anyone, or rather - who will agree and with whom it is not scary. Intimacy for him is the "measure of all things" and a guarantee of a stable relationship. However, the very fact of the relationship also attracts him incredibly. He is like Small child, admires intimacy with a woman and wants this intimacy in every sense. With all the riot of flesh, it is the young gentlemen who are the most romantic and amorous. And although they have long passed the stage of platonic libido and are fully aware of their body, it is much easier to charm them than 35-year-olds. After all, they have not yet experienced all the charms of the female character and failures in sex. This "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" inspires optimism. And it also becomes the reason for his forced sexual diets - both because of modesty and because of short-sightedness with the choice of a partner ready for exploits.

At 35 the man still wants sex, but now everything is more complicated in his coordinate system. Having gone through the sexual battles of his youth, he became strong, tough and learned from them an important principle - to clearly separate sex and relationships. And most importantly, he learned to do this compared to his 25 years, when his heart sank, and an overabundance of feelings could fail not only in singing serenades. In general, at 35 he realized that you can sleep with a woman and not live together. Or vice versa - he has already managed to get tired of children, family, unfulfilled ambitions and wants to get at least part of his desires that he kept to himself at 25. At this age, he especially wants a holiday of the flesh, women in love, oral, anal, Martian and what anything sex, not excluding the obligatory item of the ZHMZH program. But unlike romantic 20-year-olds, he is no longer ready to invest himself in every "act of love" and even more so turn it into a relationship. It is 35-year-olds who are the best at lying and masterfully cheating, without a twinge of conscience going nowhere after sex, promising a fabulous “tomorrow”.

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The ideal woman in the view of Russian men is not at all suitable for the role of an ideal wife, but for happy family many do not need love or sex at all, sociologists have found out.

Research over the past 17 years in the field of family and gender roles demonstrates interesting trends, which Yulia Lezhnina, Senior Research Fellow at the HSE Institute for Social Policy, Deputy Vice-Rector, spoke about at a lecture by the Yegor Gaidar Foundation from the Myths of Russian Society series.

According to her, the family is still important for Russians, but not as a value in itself, but as an element of a life project, as a kind of norm. Having a family is a necessary but not sufficient condition. “You need to have a family, it’s uncomfortable without it, and success in life seems incomplete. Although in general it is not a criterion for success. The family is not an area to which it is customary to make efforts. Unlike a career, ”Lezhnina notes.

The ideal woman in the view of Russian men is not at all the one you want to marry. Judging by the qualities that they endow with an ideal woman and an ideal wife, these are generally two different people. In the first case, men want to see an attractive appearance and sexuality, in the second - housekeeping, fidelity, love for children. As you can see, there are no intersections.

“Some time ago, ideas about perfect woman and about the wife coincided. Kindness and love for children were important in judging a woman as such. That is, she was immediately perceived as a potential wife. Now these concepts are being bred, ”the sociologist notes.

But women still look at their partner as their future husband, and therefore the difference between an ideal man and an ideal spouse is not so critical. The first must definitely be strong and healthy, the second must be able to provide prosperity. And the rest is all for an amateur: for someone the mind is important, for someone - not to smoke or drink.

"But in general perfect man becoming an ideal husband is somewhat easier than an ideal woman - a wife, ”Lezhnina notes.

There is an explanation for the fact that men want to see some women next to them, and choose others as wives. According to the sociologist, there is something not very good about love in Russian society. In one of her articles, Lezhnina admits that the creation of a family only for love has never been the norm of Russian culture. But love has always had an independent value for Russians, it has been an object of dreams.

Back in the early 2000s, only 5% of women aged 17 to 50 said that meeting true love was not part of their life plans.

“Today, dreams of love, even among young people, have been supplanted by hopes for prosperity, health and a fair social order. Only 6% of Russians dream of love. Meeting with real love- the twelfth of their fourteen priorities in life, while the family takes fourth place on this list, ”Lezhnina notes.

As a wish that the Russians would make by catching goldfish, only 18% named happiness in their personal lives. Most of them are women.

Not everyone needs good sex for a happy family. Only 44% of Russians admit that they are doing well in this area. At the same time, 46% of married Russians who rate their sex life as bad say they have a happy family.

Of course, good sex and love for a partner increase psychological comfort and a sense of well-being. But, according to the Russians, this is not at all a prerequisite for a happy life. family life. By the way, women complain about a bad sex life twice as often as men.

According to Lezhnina, this attitude to sex is not only characteristic of older people. “Young people in megacities, apparently, are also not up to it: they have no time, they are tired, they have other tasks. They prefer to direct a valuable resource to other activities,” she believes.

The family, paradoxically, can sometimes be perceived by Russians as happy even in the case of bad relations in it, the sociologist notes. Thus, 13% of Russians who said they had bad relationship with a partner, also considered their families happy.

“This suggests that today, when creating a family, Russians are far from always guided by the goal of providing themselves with a comfortable system of personal relationships - in any case, they do not put this task at the forefront,” the expert sums up.

Why then do people create families? There is no universal answer. For some, a family is a comfort zone where it is convenient to live, it is pleasant to communicate, and you can get support. Basically, smart intellectual young people in large cities are striving for this. Someone perceives the family as a household. Here prosperity comes first, the house is a full bowl. Another option: the family is like a love nest. But this option, as it turns out, is not very popular among the people. And as before, almost 20% of Russians start a "family for children."

For most Russians, children are still part of the life project. 55% would like to become parents. Of these, 10% dream of one child, 30% - of two, 15% - of three or more. At the same time, 75% already have children! A third of our fellow citizens (34%) have one child, another third have two, and 7% have more than two. That is, in many families there are more children than we would like. Or they just became parents, although they didn’t really plan to. One way or another, every fifth inhabitant of the country brings up children who are not desirable for him. This is more common in rural areas than in cities.

The childfree movement and same-sex families are becoming more visible. But not yet enough to talk about any trends.

Anna Semenets

For some reason, in our society there is still an opinion that if you are over 30, then you can forget about your personal life. And if you also have a child - it's completely without a chance of winning.

Of course, all this is just prejudice in the head, and you can always meet love. The main thing is to have the right attitude to this issue.

Forget your age

How often can you hear the phrase: “You are already 30, and you still do not have a permanent man?!”. You need to immediately understand that these are echoes of the last century. Men are creatures who are not interested in age. They are interested in appearance and sexuality. This is first of all. And how old is the sexy beauty - the question is far from the first.

Therefore, take care of yourself, keep your weight at the same mark, love yourself in the end, and forget about the number in your passport.

Don't show the look of a lonely woman

Men avoid women with a lonely look. As a rule, such relationships end with several dates, and nothing more. Why is that? The answer is simple - men do not like victims. Yes, and it's not in their spirit - immediately imagine yourself with a stamp in your passport and three children to boot. Do not rush things, relax and just enjoy the meetings.

That you didn't have the look of a lonely girl, make your life interesting. It sounds trite, but in order to meet a worthy person, you need to be self-sufficient. Start from this.

Live today

To enjoy life, you do not need to wait for a partner - you need to enjoy it today. Pay attention to women who work, travel, relax, meet friends, enjoying every minute of life. Regardless of age, there are always fans around them.

The whole secret is that they live today, and do not wait for a partner to appear in their life. This attitude to life attracts more than even the third breast size.

And here is what psychologist Valentina Vasilchenko thinks about this

If a woman after 30 cannot find a man for herself, this indicates that she is looking for him too diligently. Men feel it subconscious level, and ... run away. Therefore, switch to yourself, think about your career, figure, friends. And that one will definitely appear on the horizon. And if you sit and wait, nothing will happen.

Star experience

The actress found that One only by the age of 40. Before meeting artist Davey Detail, she often changed partners, and could not build serious relationship. Rose herself says that she dated men all her life just to not be lonely. And only after she learned to enjoy life herself, Davey appeared in her life.

Jennifer Goodwin also met the love of her life after 30. The actress herself says that she was in no hurry to get married and devoted all her time to her career. And then an active life brought her together with actor Josh Dallas. “You can always find love, just like you can lose it. It is very important to be able to enjoy every day of life, regardless of the partner,” Goodwin is sure.

There are many talented and bright women in Ukraine who change the country and all of us with their actions and achievements. Vote for the most worthy in different nominations of the all-Ukrainian from "The Only"!