home » Diary » Frank questions to the guy: what can I write to him? How to talk to him on frank topics? How to talk to a partner about intimate topics How to talk about intimate topics.

Frank questions to the guy: what can I write to him? How to talk to him on frank topics? How to talk to a partner about intimate topics How to talk about intimate topics.

Finding out what a man who is nearby is really thinking about can be difficult. Meanwhile, the quality of relationships often depends on this. What fantasies does he have, how does he see your meetings and you? Yes, a lot of interesting things can be hidden in his head. You need to be interested in the most secret. So that you can sneak into the hidden corners of his mind, below we will talk about frank questions for a guy, how to ask them and which ones.

Let's start with what to talk about on a date or when meeting in order to interest. The main thing is not to bombard him with questions, it annoys some.

Choose topics from mundane to original, if the situation contributes to it:

Do you have a hobby?
What sport do you do?
Where would you like to move?
Do you like ice cream?
What are you most afraid of?
What can make you laugh?
love in bad weather crawl under the covers and watch a movie?
If you could go back in time, would you change anything?
What qualities do you think you have?
If you had the opportunity to fulfill 3 wishes, which ones would you make?
Do you believe in life after death?
What would you spend a million dollars on?
How do you spend your weekends?

Focus on the interlocutor, he likes to talk or listen, wants to know more about you or tell about himself.

In this video, Diana Shulgina will ask 8 unusual and provocative questions to guys:

Personal topics for a conversation with a man

You can and should talk about personal things with your partner. This is important for both, just select the appropriate environment and mood and ask:

Where do you like to have sex?
Have you ever felt disappointed after intimacy?
Where did you make love?
What pose do you like the most?
Have you ever tried with a prostitute?
Do you watch erotica?
What are your first thoughts when you wake up?
Do you like to sleep alone?
Do you often swear at your mother?
Do you like to have breakfast at home or is it better to go somewhere?
What kind of behavior do you expect from your beloved woman?
What kinds of sex do you allow between us?
Will you be very upset if your partner refuses several times in a row, will you leave her after that?

So that sex brings real pleasure and mutual understanding reigns in a couple, feel free to discuss personal topics.

How to talk to a guy about sex?

Are you sure you know your partner well? Ask him the following questions and you will understand that it is not very good:

What kind of sex do you prefer, morning or evening?
Would you like to star in a porn movie?
Are you satisfied with everything now?
How long was your longest sex?
How old was your youngest partner?
How often would you like to do this?
What kind of girls turn you on?
Can you tell us about your wildest fantasies?
In what position do you feel "on top"?
Are you thinking about making a girl like you?
Do you prefer to do it with or without a condom?

Have you ever talked to a close man about such topics? If not, try it - you will discover a lot of new things.

But getting frank answers is not always easy, you must first establish trusting relationships that will allow you to discuss such frank moments without tension.

What other aspects of a partner's intimate life can you learn about?

You can start honest conversations with yourself. If the guy does not go for rapprochement, is shy and cautious, tell him about yourself.

You can start, for example, like this: “I like this and that, and you?” And further down the list:

Are there phrases that you wanted to hear during sex?
Would you like to make love in a public place?
What do you tell your friends about us?
Is the size of a girl's breasts important to you?
Do you like to experiment?
What will you do when you find out about your partner's pregnancy?
Do you like virgins or experienced ladies?
If the future wife refuses to breastfeed the child in order to preserve her beauty, what will you do?
Do you suffer from sexual addiction? They say it's common for all men?
What does a woman need to do so that you do not leave her?
Would you like to have coffee brought to you in bed or are you ready to treat yourself in the morning?
Do you like to command or obey in life, in bed?
Would you like to try together?
What sets you up for sex, what turns you on?
Do you think it's okay to have a mistress and a wife?
Do you like to have fun in the shower?
If you meet a girl at a resort, will it be considered cheating on your wife, or just a way to relax?
What will you do if you find out that your loved one is cheating on you?

The list is endless, but the conversation shouldn't feel like an interrogation, it's a light conversation, perhaps with a touch of light humor, in order to relieve tension.

Tricky questions for a guy

If you want to check the intelligence of your friend, his honesty and nobility, ask a couple of questions with "flavor" that will make him think, find a worthy way out:

How many partners did you have before I appeared?
Why was he in the bathroom for so long?
If you see a woman wedding ring are you going to meet her?
Could you kill a person?
Who would you like to change lives with?
What are you thinking about now?
What question would you never answer yes to?
Do you like children?
Would you lend money to the first person you meet?
Able to help an old grandmother carry a heavy bag home?
Would you pay at the checkout for a girl who left her wallet at home and is very worried?
Without what you can not imagine the ideal woman?
What is the first thing you pay attention to when meeting?
If your partner slept with your friend, how would you react?
How do you feel about open relationships?
How will you live the last day if you know that tomorrow you will die?
Would you like to be a woman for a day?
Who do you prefer full girl with big breasts or skinny without it?
Ready to have sex right now?

Interesting to see the guy's reaction. But when asking, follow the rules of decency, too active and vulgar behavior will push him away, especially if this is a new acquaintance. Everything should be in moderation.

When asking frank questions to a guy, do it naturally, without silly giggles and unnecessary pressure. Show that you are interested in what he thinks, and you ask solely for this purpose.

Video: how do guys answer tricky questions?

In this video, Ilya and Anton will answer 10 frank questions from girls that many do not dare to ask:

It is necessary not only to be able to talk with girls, it is important to be able to touch on the most frank topics that were in her life. And we will talk about such topics in this article!

The coolest birthday in a GIRL's life.

Why a birthday?
Because on birthdays people usually feel good, they have fun and receive gifts. On birthdays, a person is at an emotional peak.
When we ask and talk about this topic, the girl automatically plunges into this day. What does it mean?
She enjoys the memories of that day.
We focus on pleasant memories.
This can be called immersion in the past in order to evoke positive emotions.

With this day, usually the brightest emotions

Once I was sitting in a cafe with a girl and asked about DR, she began to talk in colors and with all the details. For a moment I thought I was there with her.
I looked at her and saw how she smiles and plunges into that day, she enjoys these memories.

Thus, we can talk about a birthday, and the girl will enjoy pleasant memories, and you, the man, will enjoy the process and her happy eyes.
(Unless, of course, she likes you somehow)

The main thing here is to be sincerely interested in her life and not just ask about the better day birth, and then sit in your smartphone.
Show your interest, communicate, ask clarifying questions, and you will see that the process is going as it should.

Real themes!

I advise that you speak only on topics that are really interesting to you.
If you are not interested or bored with what she is talking about, then tell her about it gently, offer yourself another topic that will be of interest to both and start a dialogue.
When a person listens to a boring story that is not interesting at all, then we automatically begin to yawn, look around, “drip” in a smartphone, and so on.
The girl notices all this and perceives you as a little interested interlocutor, and this is unpleasant.
You came on a date to communicate and enjoy the process of communicating with a person. You should be happy with all of this.

If one of you often looks at the time or just digs into the phone, then most likely the date will be unsuccessful.

Start starting those topics that will be of interest to both, get to know her, build a dialogue)

You ask, where are the topics about sex?
Everything is going in stages, Moscow was not built in one day.

Find out about her ex-boyfriends.

From my practice, I noticed that not all guys like and want to talk about their ex-boyfriend. Why?
No one really could explain to me why.
Now I will explain why this is important. In psychology, there is such a feature as “mirror communication”. This is when you, when communicating with gestures and body position, behave in the same way as the interlocutor.
The same should be done with the topic about ex boyfriends. Like this?
You asked the question - how did you spend your free time with your ex?
She replied: "Well, we loved to go to parks, to exhibitions, we loved to walk around Moscow at night."
You understand about her preferences here.

Talking about an ex is sometimes helpful.

“Mm, she likes to walk around Moscow at night, and I like to drive a car around Moscow at night. Damn, it’s very cool, we need to take a walk, and then ride.”
There is a common understanding.
Who was the main character in your relationship?
- Well, you know, I love it when a man is in charge in a relationship, and accordingly, all my former young people were the first to take the initiative.

Mm, cool, I also like to be in charge in a relationship, I just met GIRLS who want to dominate.

What I wrote above is for more serious topics.

“When a person comes to boxing, he is not allowed to immediately enter the ring against the champion.
He is well trained in this way, prepared for battle.

Also, the third step can be what we led to.
- Between us, what kind of sex do you prefer? There are all sorts of people, someone loves hard, and someone loves tenderly. Tell me, of course it's strictly between us.

As you can see, I add "strictly between us." This is how we remove the barriers in the head of the GIRL before they appear and until the moment when the subconscious starts to say: “Nastya, my God, what are you, do you want to tell this young man whom you know for a couple of hours about your preferences in intimate life ?
Thus, I logically explained that yes, there are all kinds of people, but if we plan to communicate and have already met, then let's talk and find out about our personal affairs, this will help us in communication in the future.

Using something like this a simple circuit, but at the same time, very effective, you will receive all the secrets that she might have hidden and not told anyone before you.

Don't forget that girls love to take responsibility off their shoulders. Therefore, when you touch on very personal topics, then try to process her objections in advance.
(Example above)

Dream together

Offer the GIRL right now to create the most perfect day in her life.
The task is for her to mentally draw and verbally describe her ideal day. From the moment she gets up in the morning until the evening when she is at home after a tough and eventful day.
This is done to build up on emotions.

Just imagine, you have been dreaming all your life about living in a cozy house in the middle of the forest and doing your own business there.

Nobody knows, nobody asked you about it. At the GIRL, you also start asking about the class day in her life, and together you begin to create this day.

Fantasizing and dreaming together is very close

After she has described her ideal day, you can also describe your dream day.

You say: “Cool, you shared such a secret, now I!”

When you start drawing a day, then try to write the interlocutor somewhere, well, let's say here's a mini example:

“I woke up in my cozy house, next to a girl, blonde + smart big. Her name is Tanya, yes it's you near. The truth is, you don't know yet."

It works well because she's emotionally overwhelmed. You describe your day, and suddenly, she suddenly finds herself in it.
The main thing is to forget about the framework, invent what you want, do not set any restrictions.

Now, if you go through these topics in order, then you will build a good dialogue with the girl, which is what you want to achieve.
By the way, everything is very simple, you just need to try. Do! Experiment!

I think this information was helpful. If you have someone who would benefit from this article, share the link with them.
Good luck with the girls!

How to correctly present information to a partner about sexual dissatisfaction and problems in intimate relationships - advice from a practicing psychologist.

Pregnancy and postpartum period- an era of change in the life of every family. Moreover, the ongoing changes concern the most intimate sphere. married life- intimate relationships. Unfortunately, not everyone dares to discuss this important problem with each other, forgetting that the "weather in the house" largely depends on the success of its solution.

Why talk about sex?

Making love is an integral part of healthy close relationships, and they, in turn, are impossible without open communication. In other words, in a couple who prefer not to discuss their intimate life, there is always some kind of reticence and misunderstanding of each other.

Most of us follow our fears and complexes; we are embarrassed to talk aloud about our sexuality, and it is more convenient for us to deceive ourselves, believing that it is "not important" and even "not so important" to open up to a partner, or that sex "has nothing to do with it at all", and there is no need to talk about it . At the same time, many women who have not experienced vivid feelings in bed fear that they are anorgasmic, a little excitable or not sexy enough; many men who have never heard praise from a partner or affectionate word after sex, they are afraid that they are "bad", "fake" men. But both are afraid to tell their partner about their feelings, but they readily mislead each other, pretending that everything is in order, while problems and conflicts grow under the cover of external well-being. But avoiding many of them is quite simple: you just need to talk with your partner about what is happening between you. If you feel very good with him, you need to talk about it; if you are not feeling well, you should also talk about this; if you miss something in bed or if something interferes, be sure to talk about it. To pretend that there is no sex in your relationship is to pretend that both of you are blind, deaf and do not remember anything from what happened the day before.

A frank conversation on the topic of sex certainly requires a certain level of trust and some effort, and the desire to make them depends on the quality of the existing relationship. If you consider your relationship to be of insufficient "quality" for talking about sex, do not rush to blame only your partner for this or avoid discussing a sensitive topic. Relationships are made up of how I treat you, and how you treat me, and these components are equivalent. In addition, refusing to discuss with a partner sex life, since you "lack mutual trust", you are surely confusing cause and effect. Sexual life, of course, can worsen against the background of general dysfunctional relationships, but an open and, most importantly, friendly conversation about this can fix a lot. The same patterns operate in sex as in any other area of human relations, and timely discussion, behind which there is a sincere desire to understand the other person, allows you to resolve the lion's share of problems.

If this side of the relationship has never been discussed in your couple, it may seem to you that the partner does not need it, but, having broken this wall, both of you will be quite surprised to find out what is happening in the soul of the other. If you have never discussed your lovemaking, then you just need to start doing it, that's all. Of course, this is easier said than done, but all couples who are able to speak directly about their erotic feelings and sensations once crossed this barrier. You can also move if you want. In fact, talking with a partner about this is no more difficult than talking about many other things. Many couples find it more difficult to agree on how to distribute the family budget or how to raise a child than to choose forms of sex that are acceptable to both.

Self-preparation

If you are afraid that you lack basic knowledge, read the special literature before the first conversation. By the way, this is useful for everyone to do regularly - even for those who think they know everything about sex.

But, although certain knowledge on this topic is necessary for any cultured person, it is still not the most important thing. It is not so scary if neither you nor your husband, having been married for several years, still do not know, for example, where the Grefenberg spot is located or how to delay ejaculation; much worse if you want to know but can't talk to your spouse about it or are even embarrassed to silently experiment. To understand each other in bed, you need to understand each other outside of it, and to freely express and discuss your emotions associated with sex, you need to learn how to freely express your other feelings. To do this, again, you need to trust your partner. Unfortunately, many people understand the words “must be trusted” as follows: this partner must prove to me from time to time that he is worthy of trust, and only after that I will gradually lift the veil in front of him that hides my inner world. This is how you create vicious circle, because a partner can also wait for you to prove to him that you can be trusted. A much more effective, but also more difficult, way is to make it clear to the person you have chosen as your companion: "I trust you, and you can trust me - I will not let you down." What is needed for this? Just trust him and never use what he trusts you against.

It's always a good idea to think through "your" half of the conversation ahead of time. Even if you don't follow your plan verbatim (and you don't need to), a few mental sketches will help you feel more confident and be more tactful than you might be in an unexpectedly difficult conversation. Set a goal for yourself that you are trying to achieve, and remember it whenever something goes wrong. And don't forget that the best strategy is going natural.

The most important thing you can do if you want your partner to openly discuss carnal love with you is not to feel uncomfortable about your own sexuality, or at least from talking about sex. Analyze "for yourself" your personal sexual interests and values: what is important to you, what are you ready to give in to, what to experiment in, what you are embarrassed or afraid of. More clear view about your sexuality facilitates discussion and helps your partner talk about their relationship to sex.

Where and when to talk about sex?

It is very important to choose the right time - especially for the first conversation. Not before work, not immediately after, not on the way to the store or before guests arrive. We often talk about important things as if by the way and at a time when it is initially clear that there is no time to discuss them. So we try to hide the embarrassment and how important this topic is for us. And although some issues can indeed be resolved in passing, more often this way of presenting, unfortunately, leads to the opposite: either an important issue hangs in the air, and it can be even more difficult to return to it, or it develops into a painful conversation in the wrong place.

Comfortable communication requires privacy, so always choose a quiet environment where you both have enough time and no one interferes. For example, resting after dinner is the right moment. In some cases, the ideal place is the bed, although sometimes its emotional environment just makes it difficult to communicate. In bed, you can safely talk about pleasant things; if you intend to touch on less rosy experiences, then try to talk about them not just before the act (otherwise there may not be an act) and not immediately after it (because in the resolution phase following, most men experience an irresistible craving for sleep). Many couples practice talking about sex during sex, but calling these remarks a full-fledged conversation is not even a very big stretch. They certainly contribute to the optimization of the process, but they alone are not enough.

If you can’t decide where and when it’s better to start, then most likely you are simply delaying the conversation. If you started a conversation, but your partner says that “now is not the time” (perhaps he is really uncomfortable talking about it now, or perhaps he is shy just like you were shy), ask politely (and affectionately!) explain the reason for the refusal and agree when you will return to this topic. Do not expect that your partner will immediately change his plans for the sake of such an important matter and will immediately meet you halfway: a delicate conversation should organically merge into everyday life rather than break it and become dramatic. And, no matter how difficult the question may seem, discuss it as early as possible. Then, when such conversations become habitual for your couple, the choice of time and place will cease to be a particular problem.

If it's hard to get started...

Being embarrassed when talking "about it" for the first time is completely natural. Do not try to hide it, especially under superficial bravado or external self-confidence - this can ruin everything for a long time. It is better to admit to your partner that you are confused, that it is difficult for you to talk about it, but you understand that this is very important for both of you, and you hope that your partner will support you.

Do not shy away from artistic erotic publications - albums, books, films. They are intended, contrary to popular misconception, not to teach you to "do the right thing" ("right" is everything that both like), but to help you free yourself from unnecessary shyness and irrational prohibitions. With the help of such publications it is very convenient to start a difficult conversation. For example, arm yourself with a photo album or a movie that you liked more than others (or give it to your husband for any upcoming holiday) and, without further ado, say: “I was thinking ... why, in fact, are we not talking about sex with you? It's such a wonderful thing to do. I want to show you something here..." Do not be afraid that he will ask inappropriate questions or you will have to give some complicated explanations for your act: sex between loving people self-worth, he does not need excuses. In addition, sometimes such a "knight's move" is almost the only way to break through the dam of shame - thorough preparation can be so long that the start of a "new life" will be postponed and postponed, because it will seem to you that one of you innovations are not yet ready.

To start a conversation, do not demand words from your partner, but ask him to listen carefully to you. This will help him get rid of the feeling that he is being forced into something. You have to encourage him to speak, but you can't force him to. A wise woman knows how to open her soul and share feelings without insisting that her beloved do the same. If the partner is clamped and constrained, help him: first, tell about your feelings (for the first time - about positive ones; soon, when you both get comfortable with this topic, you can and will need to talk about the whole spectrum of experiences), then unobtrusively ask what he experienced . Be sure to listen to him, but do not insist on detailed answers: "yes - no - I don't know" - that's enough for a start. If your partner is laconic, then from time to time try to be silent and you: "active" and "passive" roles should alternate - not only in bed, but also in verbal communication. Emphasize that his wishes are important to you (and this should not be hypocrisy, but they really should be important to you). By the way, they can be very different from yours, but he has the same right to them as you do to yours. In order for a partner to take into account your interests, you must take him into account - there is no other way to achieve intimacy in a couple. Little by little, the partner will open up to you, feeling that you accept him for who he is. In sexual relationships, more than in any other, reciprocity is important - the principle "it's good for me, and you're good" is decisive.

If you initiate and make it a habit to discuss your intimate relationships in plain human language, your partner will surely thank you. But also, at first, he himself will probably feel embarrassed. Perhaps even the first conversation will not be very successful. Don't get discouraged and don't give up. Sometimes a woman's most intimate feelings involve a man's need to withdraw for a while. If this is the case, you just need to wait a while for him to get comfortable with such closeness. The moment when both partners overcome their confusion often feels like a breakthrough - it immediately becomes easier.

"Forbidden" words

Any couple somehow develops their own vocabulary for intimate conversations. Speaking of sexuality, we are usually forced to look for something between scientific terms and vulgar expressions; avoiding any names is also a kind of lexicon. Some people accept a very wide range of expressions (and this does not depend on the level of education), others are offended by obscene or familiar names, and some "decent" scientific terminology may seem more inappropriate and tactless than jargon. Most men and women use obscene language in intimate communication, but it is important that both of you do not feel uncomfortable when you say it, neither when you say it, nor when you hear it. If you cannot decide what and how to call it better, you can directly ask your partner: how does he call these organs or these actions "in his mind"? Having exchanged variants of names (which in itself is erotic game), you may well determine an acceptable range of expressions for both of you.

How to talk about bad things?

Every person more or less often experiences negative feelings or faces the fact that his important needs remain unmet. This is fine. But negative experiences, especially in such an emotionally rich and vulnerable side of life as sex, can and should be expressed openly, otherwise they inevitably accumulate in the soul and splash out during quarrels - as a rule, in an exaggerated form, and also flow into intrapersonal problems. An unpleasant conversation has every right to exist, but requires more attention and preparation.

Do not start it when one of you is annoyed by something "strangers". Start not with a complaint or reproach, but with a positive note. Before you say something, think about whether your words hurt your partner; maybe it's better to leave them unspoken? Tact and delicacy are especially important here. If you know that your partner is experiencing some complexes - for example, he is embarrassed by his flabby stomach, ugly - do not mention it, even if it annoys you. If one partner is not ready to put up with the physical shortcomings of the other, then it is better to look for another companion, more perfect, devoid of such flaws. In other cases, one should try to put up with these features, focusing on the merits.

An ideal dispute is a normal conversation in which participants express different points of view and look for mutually beneficial or compromise solutions. But in practice, it often turns out that, having started discussing something, the partners are already quarreling after five minutes. Why?

First, when two people are not in an intimate relationship, it is much easier for them to have a difficult conversation in a restrained tone.

But when there is an emotional and, even more so, sexual connection between them, they take everything too close to heart: the closer we are with a partner, the harder it is for us not to react to his negative emotions. With our loved ones, we stand on ceremony much less, and "outbreaks" in this case occur more often than between strangers.

Secondly, it's not so much disagreements that bother us as much as how they are expressed, and when it comes to sex, these factors take on a special urgency. If you tell your partner: “How many times do I have to tell you - I hate position 69!”, then after this, a quarrel will probably flare up (“Why are you being rude again ?!”), Or the partner swallows resentment (“She talks to me as she wants "). Although he refuses this position, his mood is spoiled. And if you say the same thing, but in a different form: "Darling, let's better take turns - I like it better", or: "Let's do it differently, otherwise I'm so uncomfortable", or correctly explain why you don't like it , then the result will be approximately the same, but the relationship will not be spoiled. To achieve a real result, one must be able to recognize in time that a quarrel is starting, and stop it in the bud. Take a time out, cool down (learn how to calm down!), come to your senses and only then return to the conversation. When communicating, try to show maximum understanding and respect for your partner - he deserves them and needs them.

For men, sex is a much more painful topic than for women, and the inner demand to "be on top" is always stronger in men. If you tell your husband as delicately as you like that he actually has a weak erection, or that you think his penis is too small, or that he is not temperamental and energetic enough and therefore you cannot achieve an orgasm, you will make a significant contribution to creating intractable problems. Women, even with the best of intentions, often forget how sensitive men are to assessing their sexual abilities and how easy it is to hurt them with a careless word on this topic. If you think that difficulties of this kind do take place, it is better to consult a sexologist so that he either "dissuades" you (since the reasons for dissatisfaction may lie in a completely different way), or give specific recommendations.

Conversation about the unpleasant should not develop into a squabble. It is possible and necessary to express irritation, but it is impossible to cross the border beyond which it becomes uncontrollable. You can’t call your partner names, you can’t compare him out loud with others - neither for good nor for bad (it’s better not to mention your former partners and partners in such conversations at all, unless this serves as a kind of doping for both of you). You can’t tease a partner, sting, sneer, use sarcasm and wit. Humor helps to smooth corners and facilitate mutual understanding, but a true sense of humor is primarily a philosophical attitude to life's problems, and not the ability to tell jokes. A well-timed and "on topic" anecdote told can really defuse the situation, but you must be sure that it will not offend the listener.

Try to both speak specifically, otherwise the most serious conversation can turn into chatter "about the strangeness of love." This does not mean that the conversation should only be about actual actions - what has been done, what has not been done, what should be done, what should not be done. Although sex is known to be made up of frictions and fantasies, talking about it should not be limited to genital manipulation. A conversation about feelings, fears, desires can also be extremely specific if it is a conversation about your feelings, and not about feelings "in general", about your fears, and not about ephemeral situations "if". In addition, their feelings must be expressed directly. But instead of openly and calmly admitting our disappointment or irritation, we often begin to ask our partner rhetorical questions, unconsciously provoking a quarrel. For example, it's better to say directly: "I don't want to do this. Let's think of something else or stop for today" - but most of us start beating around the bush: "Do you think I like it?", "Don't you Do you remember what I told you about this?"

Try to focus on a specific deed or action rather than a person. For example, it's better to say "I don't like oral sex" than "You annoy me when you try to give me oral sex." Offer possible alternative solutions ("next time, please do this...") and, better, avoid negative demands altogether ("never do this again, got it?"). Talk about your desires, not about his desires, and formulate them in the affirmative, not in the form of questions. Do not demand, but ask your partner for what you want, clearly, openly and confidentially, without a shadow of a doubt that he will do everything he can. The wishes of the partner must be answered definitely: yes or no. If you can’t say yes or no yet, it’s better to admit it, for example: “Let's try, and then we'll see.”

To convey any information to a partner, first-person statements (“I-messages”) are very effective - they give the partner a subconscious understanding that you yourself are responsible for your actions. Instead of accusing ("You treat me like a doll"), talk about your feelings ("I miss your attention"). Instead of pointing out the motives of his actions ("You only think about your pleasure"), talk about your feelings ("I'm sorry that I could not express my desires"). Instead of reminders of past hurts ("You do the same thing every time"), talk about your feelings ("I get upset when you do this"). Talk about your reactions, not about the qualities of your partner. No one can doubt the sincerity of your feelings, while your partner has every right to object to your judgments about him. Do not speculate or draw conclusions about his behavior, do not explain to him what his thoughts and feelings are. None of us can read minds.

"Day" life is usually closely connected with "night", but nevertheless try not to confuse one and the other: if you feel resentment and therefore do not want to have sex - talk about what hurts you, but do not make excuses; if under no circumstances do you like some type of touch or some position - talk about it, but not about what "day" habits of your husband still annoy you. Learn to speak and listen without being defensive; not reproaching in response ("but you, on the other hand...", "look at yourself..."): reproach is too long a way to perfection. Try to avoid such expressions as: "you always ...", "you never ...", "how many times to say ...": they are, as a rule, biased generalizations and harsh judgments. Do not push your partner away with the words: "Why are you always grabbing my chest right away," but do not tolerate it, clenching your teeth, but smile and gently move his hands: "Darling, do you remember: a woman needs kisses first."

If you see that the relationship is at an impasse, what are you talking about? different languages and unable to agree, do not jump to the conclusion that you are not suitable for each other. Unfortunately, most of us are more comfortable saying to ourselves, "We're just strangers and there's nothing we can do about it," than admitting, "I don't want to listen to what he has to say because I don't like it." As a rule, if partners do not give up trying to find a way out of an impasse, after a while they begin to feel that there is a shift in their relationship towards mutuality. If the opposite happens, then it is possible that in fact you are not looking for a way out, but categorically insist on your own, demanding that the partner obey.

Many people tend to gloss over even the pleasant aspects of sex. Be sure to look for and talk about the positives in your relationship, even if you rate your sex life a two out of five. Try to talk about the good more than the bad. Praise will cheer up your partner, help him listen to your requests and comments, because positive reinforcement is more effective than negative. Do not forget to thank your partner if he brought you joy, do not hesitate to do it emotionally, violently, deployed: nothing pleases the ear and fills the soul with warmth like affection and recognition from the outside loved one. In addition, our own positive opinion about some phenomenon helps to improve our own true opinion about it. And finally, try to treat sex and talk about it positively, because we are talking about the creative side of life, and not about what needs to be completely eradicated.

Great article, written in easy to understand language!
I found a lot in her. useful advice and advice on how to behave, what to say to your loved one and what not.
And, by the way, I caught myself thinking that in many situations related to intimate conversations, I often behaved incorrectly towards my beloved .. Now I am ashamed of my words and the way I behaved. I will definitely ask my forgiveness of my husband and for one I will talk with him on one sore topic of an intimate nature, as the psychologist advises in this article! I am very grateful to the author - Prokhorova Irina!

Very helpful tips, esp. if during the day there is swearing, and in the evening, there is evening. And then the night, etc.
There are a lot of good things in the article, everyone is probably looking for something about themselves and about themselves ...

11/11/2005 01:09:54 PM, Nika

It seems that the article should have been about intimate relationships during pregnancy and after childbirth? Instead of this rambling on the topic of discussing intimate relationships in general ... An absolutely empty article! About nothing!

11/11/2005 11:46:38 AM, Local

Another psychological nonsense! Well, why litter our cute konfa with these creations ??
Down with psychologists!

11/11/2005 10:07:31 AM, Bun

Save topics for a conversation with a girl, they will definitely come in handy. All topics for conversation have ended, you are shy or do not know what to talk about with pretty girl? There are topics for conversation that will help not only not to get bored, but also bring you closer. 110 boring topics for a conversation with a girl. Silence is golden. But this is the only gold that girls do not like. What can you talk about with a girl to get closer and not get bored? There are many questions and ideas for conversation. Themes are suitable for a walk, a conversation in a cafe, alone or for any other place. These topics will show you as an extraordinary and interesting interlocutor. In any conversation, listening is more important than talking. Then the girl will be crazy about you.

1. What is the sexiest part of your body?
2. Describe yourself in three words?
3. You trust more head or heart?
4. What was your childhood like?
5. What cheers you up?
6. What are you proud of?
7. What makes you laugh the most?

8. What are you most interested in and what causes interest?
9. What are you talented at?
10. What sport attracts?
11. Which place or country do you want to go to?
12. What things would you take with you to a desert island?
13. What's the scariest thing you've ever done?
14. Who is yours best friend or girlfriend?
15. What is your favorite movie?
16. The best and most memorable trip?

17. Who is closest in the family?
18. Favorite alcoholic drink? And was she drunk as hell?
19. What are you most afraid of?
20. What do you remember most from childhood or the past?
21. What is your favorite smell and fragrance?
22. Where would you like to live the most?
23. What qualities are you looking for in your second half?
24. What stupid things have you done in your life?

25. What is your strongest character trait?
26. Who is grateful to in life?
27. Which of the five senses would you agree to lose?
28. The most cardinal decision in life?
29. How did you spend the last 24 hours on earth?
30. What do people not know about you?
31. What do you like to do on weekends?
32. Do you like the sea, mountains or forests more?
33. What does the perfect date look like?

34. Are you a conflict person?
35. How do you see yourself in 5 years?
36. What do you want to change in yourself?
37. When do you feel vulnerable and what makes you feel vulnerable?
38. What time and under what civilization would you like to live?
39. Favorite memory?

40. Do you have a mentor and main adviser in life?
41. What is your favorite book, quote, joke, movie or song?
42. What is your zodiac sign?
43. What do you want to do before you die and what are your plans?
44. Biggest regret?
45. Would you be able to survive in prison and how would it be?
46. How long do you dream of having children?
47. What do you want to fix in life?
48. What is your relationship with God?
49. Do you like to dance?
50. Favorite pet?
51. What do you like about men physically and psychologically?
52. How do you understand love?

53. When was the last time you cried?
54. What do you think your family will look like?
55. What do you do on a bad day and in a bad mood?
56. Do you believe and trust people?
57. Have you kissed like an adult with your girlfriends?
58. Favorite genre of books?
59. Do you believe in miracles or fate?
60. Where do you feel at home?
61. What are your goals and plans for life?
62. If you were a man for one day, what would you do?
63. What do people need to know before meeting you?
64. What did you dream of being when you were young?
65. What object from childhood is still with you?
66. What do you dislike the most in life?
67. What popular star would you marry?
68. What causes a smile and a good mood?
69. Do you like compliments, beauty?

70. Were there any problems with the law and what did the criminal do?
71. What are you still ashamed of?
72. What super power do you want to have?
73. Are you a lark or an owl?
74. How do you feel about politics and what is happening in the world?
75. What is the most important life lesson?
76. What have you never done, but really want to?
77. Favorite food, dish, drink, fruit, vegetable and sweet?
78. What lesson did you learn from past relationships?

79. Do you consider yourself smart?
80. Are you a member of any organizations or movements?
81. What name would you like to have?
82. The worst and best character trait?
83. What does a dream vacation look like if money is not taken into account?
84. How do your friends represent you?
85. Do you believe in love at first sight?
86. What profession would you choose if you returned to the past?
87. Who are your parents and how did you raise you?
88. Are you a follower or do you like to lead?
89. Does friendship exist between opposite sexes?
90. What style of clothing do you oppose?
91. What scares you in the future?
92. Favorite artists, writers, musicians?
93. Do you follow passions and emotions?

94. Favorite fictional character?
95. What is the most embarrassing thing in life and was there such a moment?
96. Biggest fear?
97. What animal can you compare yourself to?
98. What is the best life advice you have received from others?
99. Who do you most admire?
100. What do you think about death?
101. What do you pay attention to first of all when meeting?
102. Can you cook and what is best for you?
103. Do you consider yourself a strange person?
104. What turns you on and excites you?

105. Do you love yourself?
106. How would you spend a million dollars?
107. What is missing in your life?
108. What does your dream look like?
109. What makes you happy?
110. Will you kiss me now?

Save topics for a conversation with a girl, they will definitely come in handy.

This material is intended for those over 18.

It would seem that, modern man something to surprise or shame is quite difficult. But there are topics in which it is difficult for many to be bold or frank - and these are intimate topics. The issue of contraception, individual preferences in sex and disagreements is raised extremely rarely, thereby causing omissions and quarrels between married and loving couples. But you can learn a few tricks that will give courage to even the most shy.

How to convince a man to use a condom

The eternal struggle of two titans - pleasure and security. Any man will say that he is against a condom when it comes to a proven permanent partner. And this has its advantages. But what if the couple just met and did not reveal all the omissions to each other? What if a young man does not want to listen to you and wants to get down to business "without too much rubber"? Well, you need to dot the "i" to avoid an unnecessary course of antibiotics, stress and discomfort for anyone ..

Here are a few ways to beat back popular arguments against condom use:

If your partner claims to have no STDs and trusts you completely: STDs may not show any symptoms for months, so trust based on observation and words is not the best precaution.
The condom reduces sensitivity: nonsense. It has been proven that latex does not affect the sensations during sex in any way and does not reduce sensitivity. In addition, a young man always has several options: either a condom and a woman, or no condom and a hand. The choice is his.
But after all, a girl on pills, why also a condom: for some, a condom is really just a protection against an unplanned pregnancy. But most people use it to prevent getting STDs. In addition, hormonal pills that help girls avoid pregnancy in no way protect partners from STDs. You need to explain to the guy how much time and effort it takes to maintain optimal hormonal levels (in order to ensure that there is no pregnancy), and how little time it takes for a guy to put on a condom and keep both of them from getting sick.
The guy does not have a condom with him: well, who is going on a date like that? No condom - no sex, so run to any convenience store or pharmacy. Is it too hard? Well, a few weeks of treatment will help prioritize.

A young man cannot cum because of latex: in this case, you need to find fault not with a condom, but with the guy himself. Who is to blame that he is trying so poorly? Sex requires mutual desire and desire to enjoy - and no one said it would be easy. So let the young man decide what he needs: sex or complain about his helplessness. In the end, women somehow manage to portray pleasure, bring joy to their partner and turn on - we will never believe that this is not given to guys.
The guy is infertile: if the couple is not set to create a family, this is not bad. But this does not mean at all that with the ability to have children, the ability to pick up and transmit STDs has gone. Especially if the young man had many partners with whom this trick worked. Unprotected sex is not a battlefield to walk away defeated - fight for your health and insist on safe sex.
Without a condom, we get closer: hardly. Scientists have proven that a strong hug for 20 seconds brings a couple (and even strangers) closer than sex. So we put on a condom - we still have time to hug.
Considering someone sick is an insult: well, no one is protected and endowed with super-strong immunity - everyone can catch an STD. And it's not just a whim of a girl - it's also a matter of caring for young man. Who knows, maybe the girl is not completely clean? A condom is protection for the guy himself. So you can regard the condom as a sign of care, and not a doubt in health.
A girl wants too much: in fact, a condom is the minimum that a girl can ask a guy. If this does not suit him, and he does not want to hear about such things, it's time to pack your bags. If a person does not take his own health seriously, he cannot be expected to take others seriously.

How to learn not to be shy about talking about your desires in sex

Serious topics require a serious approach to business. No one said that it would be easy to be frank - but this task can be simplified (and for both sides). Here are some tips:

Choose a suitable location. Yes, the atmosphere affects the perception of information and our reaction to it. This does not mean that you need to go to the sea or go to a restaurant to talk about sex - just pick up the most relaxed moment. In no case do not make an elephant out of a fly: sex, of course, is a serious topic, but not so much as to start it with the phrase "I must confess something to you" or "dear, we need to have a serious talk." Try to move as smoothly as possible to the topic of sex and what does not suit you.
Don't bombard your partner with "I want" or "I don't like." Start with nice words: tell us what you like in bed, what you are crazy about and how your man conquers you. Then suggest—never demand—changes. Let the man think, and do not put him before the fact. It is even better to find a few pluses for him, so he will quickly take your side. After all, maybe what you don't like, he doesn't like in the same way? Everything is possible.
Don't blur your thoughts. Make the conversation as casual and specific as possible. Men like to see clear goals in front of them: say exactly what you don’t like and we will go the opposite way. It will be easier for both parties - you will immediately feel better, and the man will not have to think all the way to work about what the conversation was about. Also, don't make sex an individual pleasure - ask him what he doesn't like about making love. He is the same person, with the same needs and emotions (and often much stronger), as a woman. And he doesn't owe you anything.
Start practicing. Yes, yes, after any theory, you need to move on to practical exercises - try to make adjustments to sex in practice. We advise you to take this into account when you start talking with your loved one - perhaps starting a conversation is not far from the bed or a secluded place. Why delay learning?

How to say "no" if you don't like your partner's actions

The question of giving up something that does not bring pleasure or even harm, refers more to psychology. But here are some tips:

Learn to respect yourself as a person and as a woman. Frankly, that would be enough. Only by respecting and appreciating oneself can a person refuse to do what he does not like, and even more so if it threatens STDs, psychological trauma or an unplanned pregnancy.
Clearly explain to him what you don't like: sex is not just for men. If such an argument does not fit, it's time to disperse - every person is worthy of respect. Even if it's a one night stand. The guy wants dominance or extreme sports - let him call the night butterflies.
Try to say as calmly as possible what exactly is wrong - indignation or dissatisfaction will not help the case. Only in this way will it be possible to continue making love without cooling down passion - but already taking into account your interests. If a man respects you, he will take note of the words.
Avoid performances: men are not fools, they read a woman like an open book, and it doesn’t cost them anything to figure out another actor’s refusal. Talk to him in a human language and as frankly as possible - so he will understand you faster and the relationship will not be shaken.