Who should be the head of the family and why. Who is the head of the family

Elena Rakovskaya, family experience 11 years.

The point is that each member of the family is sure: if he is not the main one, then at least not the last one, his voice is listened to. And, of course, the husband must be sure that he is the master in the house, otherwise it will no longer be a man who has great rights, but, accordingly, even greater responsibilities, but a capricious irresponsible child. With all this fragile democracy, a woman is like an instructor driver who has his own steering wheel and his own brake pedal, as well as a stick and a carrot. So I'm still the main one in the family. Just don't tell your husband...

Ekaterina Grechishnikova, family experience 5 years.

I have in my family chief husband. I was quite consciously looking for just such a man who would make decisions for me. I am not looking for responsibility. And I don't care what brand the refrigerator is in the kitchen. If the husband himself chooses what, for example, equipment to buy, he buys it himself, he decides where to put it and when to repair it, I only say “thank you” to him ...

Sergey Martynenko, family experience 6.5 years.

I think that the main wife in our family. She solves most of the household problems, gives me instructions ... But my wife says that I'm in charge. She really often pesters me with questions like: which doctor better daughter lead, give her to this kindergarten or another ... Sometimes it seems to me that we don’t have the main thing at all. My wife and I delicately push the headship onto each other and are forced to rule in turn ...

Vladimir Kuznetsov, family experience 9 years.

I knew families where a woman was the leader. In 70 percent of cases, this ends in divorce. Because sooner or later a man gets tired of obeying - this is predetermined by nature, this is how it happened historically. In my family, I am definitely the leader. Among other things, this is due to the fact that I am 9 years older than my wife. Of course, controversial issues are discussed. But the final word is still mine.

Galina Sergeevna Ostapenko, Senior Lecturer, Department of Practical Psychology, VSPU.

There should be a clear division of responsibilities in the family, the wife should not be just a warm lump near strong husband, and at the same time, a man should not be henpecked. Many husbands from such families admitted that with a weak wife, the man himself becomes weaker. Therefore, family dictatorship, tied to the unconditional supremacy of one of the spouses, is a hopeless way of developing relationships.

As for the actual building of a strong family, I am a supporter of Virginia Satir, a well-known American family psychologist. She talks about the four C's. The first is self-esteem. Couples must maintain mutual respect and, most importantly, that children do not catch even the smallest negative intonations in a conversation about one of the parents. Then relations with relatives are important - with the older generation. After all, as you know, good children are a secure old age. Also important family traditions and social relationships - spouses need variety, because the same days when a person leaves the house only for work oppress a person. You need to change the environment more often and communicate with new people.

If, nevertheless, the issue of headship is significant for you for some reason, solve it right now - once and for all. And don't waste precious hours arguing. Make time for love!

So, first go to the mirror.

your nose

with a thin bridge; with a thick bridge; not transferred at all.

Physiognomists call a nose with a very thin bridge of nose "widow's" and argue that the owner of such a nose is, as a rule, a domineering, quarrelsome person, and therefore, risking eventually being left alone.

Now unwind b (if necessary, remove your socks) and carefully examine your toes. It is advisable to measure them with a ruler (tape measure, centimeter).
Your second toe (any one of them)

shorter than the first (large); longer than the first. Popular rumor, based on centuries of observation, says: sure sign supremacy in one whose second toe is longer than the first. Physiologists, by the way, point out that the second finger is USUALLY longer than the first.

Tighten your memory and remember:

In your family was the main

dad; Mother; You.

Psychologists, followers of E. Berne, came to the conclusion that in families where the father dominates, the daughter learns the child role and gets used to obey. Decisions are made with difficulty and reluctantly. If the mother commanded, the son grows up weak-willed, with a constant need for guardianship and care.

Fortune telling on a pineapple, you found that the pieces you cut:

more than the partner; smaller and neater than the partner; eaten by the partner.

The pineapple divination method consists of two stages:

Preparatory.

Two rooms are being prepared, general cleaning is being carried out (another reason to take a closer look, and whether your half is in command of you). Each room should have a table. The tablecloth is white on one table and black on the other. Cutting boards must be new. On a table with a white tablecloth there should be a knife with a white handle. On a table with a black tablecloth - respectively with a black one. Each cutting board has a peeled pineapple half. You and your half disperse to different rooms and begin the second stage.

Conjectural.

Shred the pineapple into small pieces. It is impossible to agree on the size in advance! Result: The one with the smaller and neater pieces will control and possibly even overwhelm their partner.

In this place, strain your memory very strongly and remember:
During the wedding revelry you

bit off the largest piece of the cake that was brought to you; they were the first to cross the threshold of the house / apartment; they were the first to step on something: on the carpet in the registry office, on the footboard in the church, on the plate at the threshold of your house For each positive answer, give yourself as many points as you want. Because each item in itself asserts your headship in the house.

If you have bitten off a piece larger than your half from the pie offered by your father-in-law and mother-in-law, you will not escape the fate of the head of the house. They were the first to cross the threshold, returning from the registry office or from the wedding - the same thing. Before you cross the threshold, you still need to step on the plate placed there. And it is desirable so that it crashed. The footstool performs the same function in the church as the carpet in the registry office - people who are getting married stand on it.

The material support of the family mainly depends on:

from you, the marriage partner, your parents, the parents of the partner, the Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation

Virtually no comment. According to the widespread opinion, whoever earns more is the one who rules. Whose parents are more active in helping the young family budget, he is the commander. The saddest thing is if the family budget is made up of student scholarships and, accordingly, depends on the generosity of the state.

your common dog

begging only from you when you eat; executes commands only when you order; begging from everyone, not listening to anyone.

You can't fool a dog. She focuses on smell. The person who dominates the family releases some special pheromones. The dog (and not only the dog) is led to the one whose smell is stronger. Accordingly, he listens only to him and never begs from him.

If for at least one point you turn out to be the main one in the family, therefore, the way it is. If your half doesn’t have leadership in all signs, you don’t have to find out anything else. But if you both have the signs of "master in the house", then you have two ways:

continue to actively find out who is “more important” or decide what is “more important” than the family, and use all your talents to strengthen and prosper it.

Opinions from forum members:

Crazy: A smart (wise) man can be given the palm. Probably, it all depends on how good / comfortable / happy, etc., a woman feels from the decisions made by a man. If he does everything right, then let him command! In my case, if I'm not one hundred percent sure that I'm right, before insisting on my decision, it's better to discuss everything again and think carefully (I'm sure he's just lucky in such cases).

ED-209: There should be equality... And if you also give in to each other, it's generally beautiful. The owner of a person should be where he thinks. And everyone would do what others cannot ... Otherwise, it happens that someone will resist - and that's it ...

​​​​​​​​​​

I would like to start with a quote from V.N. Druzhinin, author of the book "Psychology of the Family": "From the point of view of M. Mead, a family is normal, where the father is responsible for the family as a whole. All other types of families where this rule is not fulfilled can be considered abnormal" (V.N. Druzhinin Family Psychology: 3rd ed., St. Petersburg: Peter, 2006. p.12).

There are families where a woman has to be the head of the family - but this rarely pleases the woman herself. A lot of modern women who are unfortunate enough to meet in their lives a strong and loving man, strive in the family for partnerships on an equal footing, but soon they are faced with the fact that equality is not promised to them there, and issues are very difficult to resolve ...

It is a pity that now in most Russian families there is somehow no "head of the family". The head of the family has now remained, it seems, only with the Old Believers and in Muslim families, and disagreements are resolved much easier there. Three is enough simple rules: "Ask your husband", "Do as your husband said" and "Watch yourself, be careful." And the family is in perfect order.

The head of the family is simple and reasonable. If we imagine a family as a small enterprise, a company, then the head of the family, the husband, is the director. And the wife is the owner of this enterprise. This is a person who selects the director of the company, sets him tasks, pays him a salary and asks for the fulfillment of the tasks. Accordingly, the task of the wife is to choose the right husband who will keep the steering wheel of the family in the right direction and make the right decisions. An old saying "the husband is the head of the family, and the wife is the neck: where the neck turns, the head looks there!" - this proverb is wise. The role of a man in the family is the role of a leader, more precisely, a clear leader. And the role of a woman is the role of a hidden leader. The wife, as a hidden leader, directs her husband's attention to the tasks facing the family and suggests the general direction of the solution. The husband, as the head of the family, considers everything, makes the decision and ensures its implementation. After that, the wife admires her husband: she pays him a salary. And just as with the well-established work of the enterprise, the director is not the most prominent figure, so with well-established relations in the family, most issues are resolved without involving the head of the family, in a natural way.

The wife is in charge of shopping and the kitchen, the husband is in charge of finances, cars, cottages and repairs. If the main areas and functions are distributed and everyone successfully resolves issues in their area, then the head of the family is not in great demand, everything happens without his intervention. Everything is clear to everyone, in regular situations the head of the family is not needed. And in difficult and regular situations, the head of the family is necessary.

​​​​​​​Requirements for the head of the family - competence, leadership skills, the presence of levers of power and worldly wisdom. Unfortunately, we have to admit that few men are serious about the role of the real head of the family. Those who wish are not few, but those who are able to do this, who are ready and able to do it, are much less. On the other hand, the retinue makes the king, and the head of the family is largely formed by a woman who is ready to recognize the power of a man over herself. Unfortunately, the situation here is no better: women complain that there are no real men, and at the same time they do not want someone to lead them. At the same time, it is important to take into account: a real man will tie himself with family ties only to that woman who knows how to obey. If a woman does not know how to obey and is not ready to recognize a man as the head of the family, a real man in the role of her husband does not shine for her - never.

No options.

In a problem family, where the issue of power in the family has not been resolved, the head of the family is usually absent or is only a nominal figure. In a healthy, high-quality family, there is a head of the family, and usually this is the husband. The main functions of the head of the family:

• Establish clear family rules. Women are not very inclined to invent and formulate rules, at least in an explicit, direct and definite way. Women are more inclined to create traditions, but clear language is not very feminine. But it is usually easier for men, men are usually more inclined to clear formulations of rules.
• Compliance with family rules. Women often have moods, they are more often distracted, and they just have a lot of things and responsibilities in their family without it. Men are usually more methodical in this matter. The work of organizing the necessary discussions, bringing them to a result and monitoring the implementation of the agreements reached is also the work of the head of the family.
• Take responsibility for a single decision. Sometimes it is necessary to resolve issues authoritarianally, on which it is not possible to work out a common solution with all the sincere desire of the parties. If the issue is discussed and not resolved hour after hour, day after day, and it is not possible to agree, then it is more reasonable if the head of the family takes the decision. He will be responsible for the consequences of this decision.
• Solving difficult questions, which are difficult and which the wife herself does not want to decide: either it’s scary, the responsibility is too great, or the decision is unpopular and the wife doesn’t want to be substituted, or issues are resolved only by force, and this is not quite feminine. And the husband, as the head of the family - so let all these issues take over and decide. And again - let him be responsible for their decision.
• representative function: it is convenient and good to explain to children that dad needs to be obeyed, because he is the main one and everyone in the family obeys him. Likewise, difficult questions with relatives and parents, when it seems convenient for the wife, it can also be translated to the husband: "He is the head of the family, he decides!".

Elena Markina
Consultation "Who is the head of the family"

My grandson once asked the question "Who head of the family"and wanted to get an answer that of course he is. So how is it right to explain to the child who is in family chief? And then I started talking about family, gradually, leading the child to his own conclusion that each member families takes its place and all its members main.

I want to give advice so that the child does not have a question who main, take as a rule that - that, family It's a team A good team not only celebrates everyone's successes, but also shares all the failures equally. If a husband gets a promotion at work, he should be praised, told him what a fine fellow he is, that he has achieved this. The child learned to read - he is also a smart one, because he tried a lot, and he succeeded. And even if the wife, the spouse, and the child have made a lot of efforts to achieve these successes, they still get the opportunity to be proud of themselves. This will help raise self-esteem, believe in your strength and significance. If any of the members families fail, no need to scold and blame him, he is probably upset anyway. It is better to invite them to think together about the problem and its possible solutions. In your statements, you should use words such as "We" And "our", instead of "is yours" And "my". After all family is the unit of society which unites spouses and their children. Leader families Every team has a captain and family is no exception. But only one person can become a leader. If there are two of them, then the competition will begin, and even the solution of small everyday problems will end in a scandal every time. Therefore, it is necessary to clearly decide who head of the family. Husband and wife should consult with each other, discuss who will take on the role of leader. It is worth discussing its functions in advance. At the same time, the leader does not decide everything for everyone, but only makes a decision based on the suggestions and wishes of other members. families. The head of the family is a man? Before, no one thought who would be head of the family. From time immemorial, it has been a man. It was his direct responsibility to provide families with everything you need. The woman kept the family hearth, took care of the house and the upbringing of children. She received everything she needed to fulfill her tasks from the breadwinner, that is, from the man. Head of family was responsible for everything and made the most important decisions. Today, this alignment suits many spouses, and they continue to adhere to it. There are no problems in this regard, and it does not interfere with being strong family. The woman may be head? Today, if a man proposes, this does not mean that he will unconditionally be the only economic support in family. A woman can also perform this function. Often in modern families only children are dependents, and spouses provide for them. If a woman also earns, especially on an equal basis with a man, then it becomes unclear who head of the family. Here, not everything is as simple as with the old way. According to sociological research, dominance in the family belongs to the spouse who performs regulatory and administrative functions. Most of the time this is done by the woman. She plans the family budget, organizes family consumption, takes care of upbringing and household chores. It turns out that today a woman becomes main in many ways, not just economically. Who will head of the family? It should be noted that the concepts "breadwinner" And « head of the family» outdated. Moreover, they are absent from the Civil Code and Constitution. Today, more and more people characterize the marital union as a family without a head. That is, a man and a woman are equally involved in decision-making and household chores. Such relationships in family prove, What chapter no need to assign. Family Responsibilities Everyone family have their own responsibilities. If they are distributed unevenly, the spouses often have disagreements and conflicts. Such contradictions can be very sharp and lead to serious consequences - to dissatisfaction with marriage. However, you need to understand that the husband and wife will still not be happy if all duties are simply divided equally. It is important that they correspond to the inclinations and character of a person, then the eternal disputes about household chores will stop. Separation should suit everyone and look fair in the eyes of the spouses. Any duty must be performed out of love and care for each other, and not because someone needs it and it is so established by the rules. families. Examples for visibility:

1. Everyone washes the dishes for himself, because it takes a lot of time for mom, and she wants to spend it with loved ones.

2. The husband stops by the grocery store because he is on his way, and in the meantime, the wife will already start preparing dinner. Main so that everyone understands why they do it. No one owes anything to anyone It is wrong to reduce family obligations to the word "must". For example, “I work all day, and you just sit on your neck”, "I'm like a squirrel in a wheel spinning around the house", “You are a husband, and I expect romantic evenings about you”. You can endlessly enumerate, similar phrases are heard in many families. You need to understand that no one owes anything to anyone. This idea should be included in the rules. families. If you are tired, ask your loved ones for help. If love and care reign in the house, it will not be difficult for anyone to wash the dishes or throw out the trash instead of someone else. If you want romance, you don’t need to wait and demand it from your husband, it’s enough to organize a pleasant evening yourself. Maintain the authority of a husband or wife family has a child, spouses need to adhere to one strategy in education. Children feel and see the disagreements of their parents well, so they will begin to cheat, dodge and look for concessions. If you need to solve some issue of education, then you should do it behind closed doors. That is, the growing children should not hear anything. Then the children in family They will respect both mom and dad equally. The same goes for discussing your other half outside the home. You can not talk with other people about the shortcomings of the spouse, especially after a quarrel. You will definitely make peace, and outsiders will develop negative opinion. In this case, the authority of the spouse will be undermined. When a child is also not allowed to say nasty things about his mom or dad. Otherwise, he will assume that "bad" You don't have to obey your parent at all. Remember that your spouse is the best person in the world, so his authority must be maintained. Make any decisions together. If you disagree with something, then discuss it only in private with each other. All problems are discussed No need to wait for the spouse when he guesses about the problem. Maybe he doesn't even know about it. If you are tired or upset about something, be direct about it. The boss shouted - tell us about it yourself, and do not wait for questions. The carpet is dirty, and you no longer have the strength - ask your husband to vacuum, he himself may not guess. Communication is the only way to build relationships. family. Therefore, make it a rule to discuss all existing problems. Only this should be done without scandals, screams and reproaches, in a calm tone. It is categorically impossible to keep silent about something and withdraw into oneself, trying to get away from the conflict. Such behavior will only breed mutual misunderstanding and bring problems to the extreme. No need to be silent, accumulate negativity and irritation. Talk about your thoughts and feelings openly. The more sincerely this is done, the easier it is to understand the causes of discontent. Just do not sort things out in a state of irritation or with a tipsy spouse. It is better to wait for a more opportune moment to solve the problem. Compromise is also a way out Strong family is that who knows how to resolve conflicts, and not one that does not quarrel. Therefore, in disputes you do not need to stand your ground. The best option for marital union is to reflect in the spirit "won - won". That is, try to find a way out that will suit everyone, and not just one person. For example, you started a renovation. One husband liked the floral wallpaper, and the other liked the striped wallpaper. No need to quarrel over this, look for a third option. Or you can paste over one half of the room with striped wallpaper, and make the other half into a flower. It turns out original design with zoning. Do not try to change the second half Discussing the rules of conduct in family, it is worth mentioning that attempts to change a husband or wife will not lead to anything good. Many people hope that things will be different after marriage, but in most cases this is not the case. For example, if a girl is uneconomic, then she may not like to cook and clean up. Or if a man abuses alcohol, it should be accepted that after marriage he will not give up this business. It is very difficult to change an adult person, and often it is simply impossible. Therefore, you need to learn to put up with the shortcomings of your spouse. If everything was fine before the wedding, then after it there should be no complaints. Set boundaries Family is the cell of society which consists of a husband, wife and their children. Nobody cares about her anymore. All other relatives (fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, grandmothers, grandfathers and others) are only part of a large families. You should not let them too deep into your life or try to please them in everything. If your parents don’t like something in your other half, but everything suits you, then you should tell them about it and gently ask them not to interfere in the relationship. Also, you should not allow relatives to look into closets, rearrange things or read mail, unless, of course, you yourself ask for it. After the birth of a child, a newly-made grandmother very often practically settles in the house. She constantly climbs with advice on how to properly care for the baby. However, the rules families say that you need to set boundaries. For example, let the grandmother visit her grandchildren on certain days. She can be asked to make specific affairs: take a walk with the baby, stroke the diaper and so on. So the grandmother will be busy, and there will be less unnecessary advice. Respect and Patience for Parents It is necessary to set boundaries, but do not forget about respect for the people who raised you and your other half. It is unacceptable to discuss the shortcomings of the parents with the spouse. Better to focus on good qualities. Surely the second mother cooks delicious cabbage soup, and dad is very economic. You need to delimit the territory and talk with your spouse, if only the parents become too annoying and start to interfere family life. Do not forget to communicate Perhaps many will agree that in family, the most important thing is respect and. Love. It mostly manifests itself in relationships and communication. Therefore, you do not need to bury yourself in routine matters and forget about each other. Try to find time at least for conversations. It's very simple - just turn off the TV or look away from the computer monitor. It would be great if there was an opportunity to get somewhere with spouse: go to the cinema or just take a walk in the park. From time to time arrange romantic evenings for each other. Code of moral rules in family in every family there should be a clear list of rules that will be known to each of its members. Moreover, they should apply not only to parents, but also to children, so that they grow up well-mannered and decent. If certain conditions are not met, then you can point to a miss. However, this must be done in a friendly and tactful manner. There should not be too many rules, otherwise the importance of the list will be lost. Also, there should be no contradictions in it, so that it is clear what needs to be done and what should not be done. For example, you can enter the following five rules families, which are subject to strict compliance: love and respect each other; help and support in every possible way; do not criticize others; speak only the truth; to fulfill promises. Of course, in every family there will be a list of rules. It doesn't have to be for the rest of your life. The list can and should be supplemented or changed depending on the circumstances.

The head of the family is the one who most influences decision-making. It can be obvious power, and the influence of the gray cardinal, the influence of force and the influence of love, it can be the power of authority and the use of leverage...

As paradoxical as it sounds, the head of the family is not necessarily the head of the family. The head of the family is the one who rules the family clearly and directly, this is the leader visible to everyone. At the same time, in a family where the head of the family is obvious to everyone - the husband, the real leader can be someone else - his mother, or his wife, or their child, and this "someone else", as a hidden leader, in fact has the most influence on decision making.

Sometimes the main thing in the family can even be something ephemeral - a pet (the notorious red cat), a TV, someone's job, healthy eating, a grandmother who lives in another city (or even died long ago!), but continues to orchestrate family values ​​and lifestyle.

The hidden leader in the family can be both a joy and a problem in a family. If the hidden leader acts like a "gray cardinal", quietly taking care of his own interests, there are problems in the family.

Suppose it is the mother-in-law or the father-in-law. He does not seem to directly claim leadership, but as a result, for some reason, it turns out that the family makes decisions that are convenient for him. Hidden levers of influence operate here - the formation of coalitions, pressure on "public opinion", recalling to others old debts or sins that should now be "redeemed", blackmailing others with their poor health or unfortunate situation.

However, the hidden leader is not necessarily an egoist, much less a pest. The role of the wife with her husband as the head of the family is the role of the hidden leader, the role of the neck, which imperceptibly controls the head - the husband, the head of the family. wise wife she can really be the main one in the family, but at the same time her husband feels like the head of the family, she supports him in this feeling, admires him and is sincerely grateful to him for this important work for the family.

A wise wife, as the owner of the family and a hidden leader, knows how to obey her husband. Or "how to obey", not objecting to trifles, supporting his status in every possible way and quietly managing him when making really important decisions. The ability to obey is the real talent of a real woman.

Who becomes the head of the family? The one who aspires to this and who knows how to do it, who acquires a sufficient number of levers of power for this, usually becomes the truly main in the family. Power in a family is when it is seized by force, when it is entangled in weakness... Unfortunately, it must be admitted that today most families are problematic, because rarely in which family the issue of power is resolved in an optimal way that suits all parties. One of the typical pictures, when a husband submits to his wife, the wife subordinated herself to the desires of the child, and the child is controlled only by the meowing of his beloved red cat ... Well, later - the opinion of friends and the Internet. See →

The ideal option is when each of the family members has his own (feasible and voluntary) piece of power, that is, the area in which he feels needed, responsible, recognized and competent. It is also important to review the existing rules of life from time to time, redistribute responsibilities and adapt flexibly to current situational changes. In any case, it is foolish to share power between you if both of you do not know how to lead ... Nobody asks you whether you like to lead or not, in a family, the ability to lead is simply a necessity. You need to decide on the power in the family and learn to lead. Cm.

MALE AND FEMALE ROLES

Female roles:

housewife

The masculine and feminine roles clearly defined above are not mere customs or traditions, but a God-ordained order. It was God who made the man the head of the family, saying to Eve: “Your desire is for your husband, and he will ruleover you." The man was also destined to become a protector, as he was given strong muscles, great physical endurance and masculine courage. In addition, God commanded him to provide for his family, saying: “In the sweat of your face you will eat bread,until you return to the ground from which you were taken, for dust you are and to dust you shall return.” This command was given to a man, not a woman (Genesis 3:16,19).

A woman has a different purpose. She must be byhelper, mother and mistress of the house. In Hebrew, the word assistant means a woman standing in front of him. Such a value cancels the idea that only minor, insignificant roles are destined for a woman. This meaning of the word byhelper explains that woman was created equal to man. In The Allure of the Feminine, we use the word assistant to denote the role of a wife in the sense that the wife understands, supports, and sometimes helps her husband. Since the biological characteristics of a woman make it possible for her to bear children, her role mothers undeniable. Role homemadeher mistress also, there is no doubt: she must raise children, run the household in order to free her husband to fulfill his functions as the breadwinner of the family (Genesis 2:18).

Male and female roles different in function But equalby importance. In Henry A. Bowman's Marriage in Modern Society, the author compares the partnership in marriage to images like a key and a lock, joined together in a functional unity. He writes: “Together they can do what neither of them alone can do. The task will not be completed if two locks or two keys take over. Each of the partners is unique, but no one, taken separately, is perfect. Their roles are not identical or interchangeable. Neither is superior to the other, since both are necessary. Each must be judged according to his functions, as they complement each other."

Division of labor

As you can see, the main task of the family stems from division of labor. Interestingly, modern researchers have proven that this ancient plan is the best option for people to cooperate. In the 1970s, several major industries in America joined forces in a research project to identify the most efficient structure that could work together without team disagreements, especially with regard to psychological compatibility.

Research, in particular, took place in hippie communities that appeared somewhat earlier, in the 1960s. These groups of idealists were not built on the principles of the division of labor, but on equality. Men and women evenly distributed daily chores among themselves. Women worked side by side with men in the fields and building shelters. Men, along with women, were engaged in household chores and raising children.

Scientists have discovered interesting fact: equality was not consistent with differences between men and women. Women were better at certain types of jobs, while men were better at others. Women's hands, more gentle and dexterous, darned and sewed more efficiently, and men were better adapted to carrying weights and digging. However, the most striking discovery of scientists was the fact that when people tried to do work on an equal footing, disagreements began. People argued, fought and even hated each other. For this reason, entire communities fell apart. Scientists have come to the conclusion that the best option organization of teamwork is division of labor. So God has a perfect plan for the family.

The greatest success in the life of a family comes when the husband and wife faithfully and faithfully fulfill their roles. On the other hand, the biggest problems arise when one of them cannot or does not want to play his role, takes on the role of others, or shows too much concern about playing or not playing the role of another.

To excel in your role with great feelingyour responsibility, take on the performance of your own female role. Let it cares only you. Of course, you can hire helpers to run the house or have your children help you with this. But it is you who should be responsible for the order in this area.

To achieve even greater success, you need to master the female skills and abilities. Learn how to cook, clean up the house and manage the household in general. Learn women's thrift and how to raise children. Forget about yourself and devote yourself entirely to achieving well-being and happiness for your family.

Three male needs

To succeed in building a family, help your husband to succeed in his role. To do this, realize three male needs:

1. A man must function in his male role as head of the family, protector and breadwinner.

2. He must feel the need of the family for him to fulfill this role.

3. He needs to be superior to a woman in this role.

1. The implementation of the male role in practice. First, he needs to fulfill this role in real life as chaptersfamilies. He must see respect and support from the family towards himself. Secondly, he must really provide for the family meet her immediate needs and do it on her own, without outside help. And, thirdly, he should act as a protector of the family, protecting it from danger, adversity and difficulties.

2. He must see in the family the need for this male role. He needs to see that the family really needs in him as in his head, protector and breadwinner. When a woman begins to earn enough to provide for herself, when she finds her own place in life, becoming independent of her husband, she ceases to need him. For him, this is a huge loss. His masculine need to see the need for him as a man is so strong that when the need for him disappears, he may doubt the very meaning of his existence. This situation may affect his relationship with his wife, as his romantic feelings stemmed in part from her need for protection, shelter, and provision.

3. He must surpass the woman in the performance of his husbandrole. A man is usually aware of the need to perform this role more effectively than a wife. However, a dangerous situation can arise when a woman achieves great success in his field, when she occupies a higher position, earns more or succeeds in everything that requires the application of the forces, skills or abilities inherent in men.

The failure of society

Unfortunately, we see how these age-old principles are violated in modern society. Women have invaded the world of men. We have a generation of working mothers competing with men to achieve greater results, more prestigious positions and higher salaries.

Not all is well at home either. A woman takes on the function of a leader and tries to do everything in her own way. The wife who knows how to unconditionally trust her husband, obeys his leadership and is ready to lean on his hand has almost disappeared. A woman performs many male functions herself. The independence of women has led to the fact that they no longer feel the need for male protection and provision, and this is a great loss for both of them.

Since a man does not see the vital necessity in the performance of his male function, he does not see the need for himself, and therefore does not feel like a real man. When a woman takes on male roles, she also takes on masculine traits to better fit the job. This means - less femininity, the loss of feminine tenderness and charm. As she takes on masculine responsibilities, she begins to experience ever-increasing stress, becomes more nervous and anxious. This leads to a loss of peace, and this is a very valuable quality if she wants to succeed in building a happy home. When she spends her time and energy doing men's work, she neglects important functions that are peculiar to her. As a result, the whole family is a loser.

To succeed

To succeed, one must firmly remember the male role of head of the family, protector and breadwinner. Remember, if you want your husband to be happy, he must perform husbandrole, to feel that you need him, and to surpass you in the performance of his role. Let him lead the family, do the men's work around the house and provide you with everything you need. And only in case of emergency you will be able to cross the line between your roles and take on the performance of men's work.

When he plays a male role, don't expect perfection from him. Do not find fault with trifles, do not interfere in how he does it. If he neglects to do a man's job and you end up in serious trouble as a result, don't complain. Just tell him, "I have a problem." Clearly and concisely state the essence of the problem and its consequences. Then ask, “What do you think we should do about it?” In this way, you will honor him as the head of the family, put the problem on his shoulders and help him feel needed. If he does not continue to take up the resolution of the problem, be patient. Change doesn't happen quickly.

Next, start praising him. Playing a male role is not easy, and I will explain what I mean shortly. Your praise will be his greatest reward. Be generous with words of gratitude. For him, this is more than a reward for work. And finally, faithfully and constantly fulfill your own household duties. Then you will draw a clear line between your roles and help him succeed in performing male functions.

Role confusion

When male and female roles are not clearly defined, mixing roles. In this case, the woman partly does the work of the man, and the man partly does the work of the woman. If this state of affairs is temporary, it's okay, but if this becomes a way of life, the family is seriously harmed.

Children need to develop in themselves the nature of their sex, and in this regard, they need to see in their parents not a blurred, but a clear image of a man and a woman, in order to take an example from them. The mother shows her feminine image when she plays the female role. When she walks around the house in feminine clothes, performs household duties, tenderly caring for children, nursing a child, she forms a female image in children. If she radiates contentment and happiness in this role, she paints a positive picture of femininity for children.

When a father fills the male role as a strong leader, protector and provider, and when the children have the opportunity to see him in action, when he readily assumes masculine responsibilities and enjoys work, he presents them with a favorable masculine image. If there is a clear distinction between men and female image boys will grow up to be masculine, and girls will grow up to be feminine.

But when everything goes wrong, when the roles are blurred, then a serious problem is brewing in the family. Many instances of homosexuality originated in homes where the roles of men and women were blurred. Girls and boys in such families did not receive a clear understanding of the male and female image, and could not form an ideal that they could imitate.

Children in the process of education must learn a lot in order to become normal, successful and happy people. But there is nothing more important for a boy than to become masculine, and for a girl - to become feminine.

Are the roles fair?

Often, women who are burdened up to their necks with domestic responsibilities, occupied sixteen hours a day in the routine of household chores, question the concept of different roles in the family. They believe that such a division of roles is unfair, because women have to work harder and longer than men. Therefore, they say, men have no right to come home and rest while the wife continues to work. They believe that men should help them around the house and especially in raising children.

At first glance, this statement seems to be true. But there is another point of view on this issue: the female role, no matter how difficult it may be, is relevant only for about twenty years. Even if the family is large, a woman bears the main burden of care for twenty years. Then her life changes. She gains freedom and, as a rule, a lot of free time. But the male responsibility to provide for the family's livelihood lasts a lifetime. Even if he is lucky and he retires on time, he never completely relieves himself of the responsibility for ensuring prosperity in the family. If you accept this point of view, the division of labor for men and women will seem quite fair to you.

I suggest that you remember this period of twenty years. Do your work with joy and willingness, and do not demand too much from your husband. Don't complain if he doesn't help you, keep your marriage happy and cultivate a romantic relationship between you.

MALE LEADERSHIP

A man should play a man's role, feel that you need him, and surpass you in his performance.roles as head of the family, or leader.

The father is the head, president and primate of his family. He was appointed by God to this position, as the Scriptures make clear. The first commandment given to mankind was intended for a woman: "Your desire is for your husband, and he will rule over you." It is quite obvious that our Creator decided that it was very important for a woman to know this commandment, and therefore addressed these instructions specifically to her.

The apostle Paul compared the headship of the man over the wife with the headship of Christ over the Church: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church. But just as the Church is subject to Christ, so are wives to their husbands in everything.” Peter also commanded wives to honor and obey their husbands. He said, “You wives also, be subject to your husbands” (Genesis 3:16; Ephesians 5:23-24, 33; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1).

There is also logical reason why a man should be a leader. In any organization for the correct, without failures of work, there must be a leader. This is the president, captain, manager, director or boss. Such is law and order. A family is a small group of people, and it too needs to be organized to prevent chaos and anarchy. It doesn't matter if the family is small or big. And even if it has only two members, husband and wife, there must be one leader in order for order to reign in it.

But why should a man lead? Why not a woman? Again resorting to logic, it should be said that a man by nature and temperament is a natural leader with a tendency to make decisions and stand on his convictions. A woman, on the other hand, is prone to hesitation. An even stronger justification for nominating a man to a leadership role is the fact that he is the one who earns a living. If he works to provide for his family, he will need a legal basis for this in his life. Women and children adapt more easily to any changes. The last word rightfully belongs to the breadwinner.

Today, everything possible is being done to deprive the family of the headship of the man and to proclaim equality in which husband and wife make decisions by mutual agreement. At first glance, this is a completely reasonable idea, but in real life such an option is impossible and unrealistic. Very few decisions can actually be made by mutual agreement. Husband and wife, most likely, will never agree on certain issues. When a decision needs to be made, someone has to take the responsibility.

It takes time to reach mutual agreement. But it is not always available. Some solutions in Everyday life have to be taken very quickly. For example, take your daughter an umbrella and go to school in the pouring rain, or have her father take her to school by car. When the father himself makes a decision, all problems are immediately resolved. And it doesn’t matter if the daughter gets her feet wet or not, because order in the house is more important. But the father should be the head of the family, not only because of the logic of such a situation. The whole point is the fulfillment of God's commandments, for they are all given with meaning and for a specific purpose.

The rights of the head of the family, or leader

1. Establishing family rules. When the family is properly organized, it has certain rules for general behavior and table manners, rules for cleaning the house, spending money, behavior in in public places and use of the family car. Family members can take part in setting the rules. A prudent father may call a family council to have all members of the family express their opinion. He can give his wife the opportunity to determine the rules of housekeeping, since this topic is closer to her. But, being the head of the family, he retains the last word.

Family is not a democracy where all issues are resolved painmajority of votes. The family is a theocracy, where the word of the father is law, for God established it so. In the house, the main power belongs to the father, and no other power in the family is recognized. This issue is non-negotiable. Such is the law and order in the Kingdom of God.

You can claim some authority over children because you gave them life and take care of them day in and day out. You can decide on the upbringing and punishment of children, their education, religious beliefs and other important aspects. If you start to clash with your husband on these issues, you will want to have your say. However, you are wrong. You do have to fulfill the sacred duty of motherhood, but you cannot be the head or leader of the family. Your husband- this is the shepherd of the flock, and the reins of government of the family areare in his hands.

2. Decision making. The father also has the right to windowscareful decision on matters related to his personal life, work and family. Usually in a family every day you need to make a variety of decisions. Some of them are insignificant, for example, whether to take the dog with you on a picnic or leave it at home. But no matter how simple problems are, solutions still need to be made, and sometimes they need to be done very quickly. The father has the last word.

The father also has to make very important decisions about investing money, changing jobs, or moving to another place. Such decisions may require financial austerity or other life changes. If the husband is intelligent, he will first discuss all these matters with his wife in order to hear her opinion and win her over to his side.

It is interesting to note that in the biblical story about Jacob, who worked for his father-in-law for many years, there are such words: “And the Lord said to Jacob: return to the land of your fathers and to your homeland; and I will be with you." However, after receiving this command from the Lord, Jacob called Rachel and Leah into the field and spoke to them to secure their support. After he explained his situation, Rachel and Leah told him, "So do whatever God has told you." Now he had their support. This was exactly what Jacob needed, so that he would do everything that was planned with peace of mind (Genesis 31). Read this passage to your husband. Maybe he wants to consult with you more often on important issues.

Sometimes a husband seeks the support of his wife, but does not explain what the matter is. He may think that she does not have sufficient knowledge on this subject and she simply will not understand anything. Or he cannot explain the reasons and justify his plans. Maybe he is guided by intuition. In this case, do not torture your husband. Most likely, his feelings, not his mind, will lead him in the right direction.

In marriage, husband and wife are not a pair of horses pulling the same team. They are more like bow and string, as Longfellow said in his poem Hiawatha:

Husband and wife are like onions

A bow with a strong string;

Although she bends him, she herself is obedient to him;

Although she pulls him, she herself is inseparable from him;

Separately, both are useless.

(Translated by I. Bunin)

The role of the wife in leading the family

And although your husband is the undoubted head of the family, you also play a very important role in leading the family. You obey your husband, support him, and sometimes play an active role in which you can clearly and even vividly express yourself. Your husband needs your support, and your thoughts are often valuable to him if you express them correctly. A heavy burden of responsibility rests on his shoulders. He needs to lead the family, make decisions, sometimes extremely important. All responsibility for decisions taken only he will bear, regardless of the consequences. Your understanding, support and thoughts are very important to him.

Mumtaz Mahal, the woman in whose honor the Taj Mahal was built, played an important role in the life of her husband and had a strong influence on the leadership of the country. The daughter of the chief minister, she received a good education, was very intelligent and had a worthy character. Sultan Shah Jahan consulted with her on many issues, including purely specific topics related to the government of the country. There is no doubt that she knew how to influence her husband very subtly, but she did it so skillfully that her husband did not feel the slightest threat to himself as the ruler of India from her side. The world is mostly unaware of her enormous contribution to the development of this country. This feminine art we teach in this chapter. The first step in achieving this art is in the exception of errors. See what the following list applies specifically to you:

Do you make similar mistakes?

1.Management. Do you hold the reins of the family in your hands and do you try to do everything your own way? Do you make important plans and make decisions that you think your husband should agree with? Do you consult with him on family matters, but in such a way that you always have the last word? Why are you doing it? Maybe you just don't know how to behave differently, or don't trust your husband's judgment, or do you think that you can handle these problems better than he can?

Does he oppose your dominance? Do you face each other? Do you find it difficult to submit to your husband's authority? Or do you think that the end justifies the means, and the main thing is that the deed be done, even to the detriment of respect for the husband?

2.Pressure. Maybe you insist on your own or even grumble and get annoyed? Maybe his resistance leads to frequent quarrels and disputes? Or is he making concessions for the sake of peace? In this case, you get your way by pressing. Soon your children will start using this method too.

3. Nagging. Maybe you find fault and criticize your husband's plans and decisions because you are afraid that he will make a mistake? Or do you not trust his judgment, watching him closely to immediately express your approval or disapproval? Do you ask him provocative questions with a note of fear in your voice? This behavior expresses your distrust of him, and he gets the impression that you do not believe in his ability to lead the family. A woman must don't tearsew, A create the husband has a sense of security.

4. Tips. A woman makes a serious mistake when she gives her husband too much advice, too many suggestions, when she tells him what to do and how to do it. When your husband begins to present to you the problem he is facing, listen to his point of view and take your time to offer advice. Or, take your time to think about what can be done in this case, and then discuss the course of action together. Otherwise, you will also show a lack of trust in him here, and he will get the impression that you know the answers to all questions, which means that you do not need him at all and you can quite cope in this life without him.

5. Disobedience. Do you obey your husband only when you agree with him, and if you disagree, do it your own way? If you are sure of something, but he does not approve of your decision, do you stand your ground? It is very easy to obey your husband when you agree with him. The real test comes when you disagree with him, but choose to obey. What to do in such a situation will be discussed later.

How to become obedient

1. Respect his status. Respect his position as head of the family and teach your children to treat him with respect. Believe in God's principles, according to which God put him in charge of the family and commanded you to obey him, as the Bible says. If this seems unfair to you, remember that God knows better how to organize our lives.

2. Let go of the reins. Do not try to dominate the family. Let your husband manage the affairs of the family. Let him lead and you just obey him. You will be surprised at how well he copes with problems without you. Then your faith in him and his self-confidence will grow. After you give him the opportunity to lead, he himself will give you authority in certain areas. You will discuss this issue together.

3. Trust him like a child. Don't worry about the consequences of his decisions. Let him worry about it himself. Trust him like a child. This trust is different from our trust in God, for God does not make mistakes, but people do. Give him the right to make mistakes, trust his motives and his judgment. Then you will help him grow, for only childish trust can help a man develop a sense of responsibility.

Sometimes your husband's decisions will be illogical. His plans may seem senseless to you, and his judgments unreasonable. Perhaps this is not so, but such an option is not excluded. Perhaps he is inspired. The ways of the Lord also do not always seem logical. Don't expect every decision your husband makes to please you or bring you the results you expect. God will take him through problems to achieve certain wise but unknown goals. We all have to go through a cleansing fire, and God does it in an incomprehensible way. When your husband acts on inspiration, you need to faithfully follow him, and then, looking back, you will see the hand of the Almighty in your life and be grateful for the outcome of the matter.

There may be frightening times when you want to trust your husband, want to see him act on inspiration, but you can't. You will find vanity, pride and selfishness at the basis of his decisions and make sure that he is heading for disaster. If he does not want to listen to you, what to do? The answer is: if you can no longer trust your husband, you can always trust God. He placed him at the head of the family, and commanded you to obey him. You have every right to ask God for help. If you will obey your husband and ask heavenlyFather to guide him, everything will change for the better in the most incomprehensible way.

4. Don't hesitate to adapt. Don't be stubborn and don't stand your ground. Adapt to changing circumstances. Obey your husband and follow him wherever he leads, adapt to the conditions he provides for you. Every ideal wife who can make her husband happy has this quality. This is a rare quality, and it is all the more appreciated by men. To be flexible and malleable, you need to be selfless, think more about him than about yourself, and put your marriage first, above everything else. And towhen you cast your bread on the waters, it will return to you in due timeWith butter. In short, follow this rule:

To be flexible, one cannot have biased, hard on menie about what you want out of life, where and in what kind of house you want to live, what economic level or lifestyle you wanted to achieve, and what plans you have for children. It is perfectly acceptable to have predetermined questions, but they cannot be considered immutable. Your rigid opinion may come into conflict with the opinion of your husband, his plans that he bears in order to succeed in the performance of a male role.

In my youth, I had unchanging, rigid concepts. After marriage, I wanted to live in a white two-story house built on one acre of land with tall rustling trees in the back yard and a basement full of barrels of apples. The house was supposed to stand on the outskirts of a city with a population of about twenty thousand people. In winter, I wanted to see snow, and in summer, green fields. However, over time, I found that this dream interfered with me in many ways, and it was difficult for me to adapt to the circumstances of my real life. When I abandoned these rigid settings, it became much easier for me, as well as for my husband with me.

To be flexible make your dreams transportable and carry them with you at all times. Make the decision to be happy no matter the circumstances - on a mountaintop or in a burning desert, in poverty and in abundance. If you focus on success in your home, it's very easy to make dreams transportable.

5.Be obedient. Listen to the advice and admonitions of your husband, and you will do yourself a good service. Very important quality obedience. If you obey, but at the same time are reluctant to do your thing and complain, you will not get far. But if you obey willingly, with a spirit of joyful obedience, God will bless you and your home and give you harmony in your relationship with your husband. Your husband will appreciate your behavior and will soften when he sees your malleable spirit.

A wife who refuses to obey her husband's advice or commands brings serious disharmony to her marriage. Moreover, you can't do that. Because God has placed the husband in charge, the wife's rebellious behavior is a sin. Therefore, when a wife resists her husband, she loses God's Spirit. The subject of obedience will be dealt with more fully later in this chapter.

6.Be in the eyes of children a united front with your husband. Even if you and your husband have not reached mutual agreement, be a united front for the children. Never set children against their father, hoping in this way to win their favor. This will make the husband angry, and he may act harshly towards them. He will not be willing to yield to children if you intercede for them. But if you and your husband are at the same time, he will become much more compliant, as the following example clearly shows.

7. Support his plans and decisions. Sometimes your husband needs not only your submission, but also support. Maybe he needs to make a decision for which he does not want to bear all the responsibility. He may want you to help him with this. In this case, you will need to delve into his plans to make sure that you are ready to support them. If you can, give him the support he needs. If you cannot, explain your position as suggested in the next paragraph. He will be grateful to you for expressing your opinion. If he insists on his own, you can still express your support, even if you do not agree with him. You can support not his plans, but his right to make decisions. You can say something like this: "I do not agree with your decision, but if you are sure that you are right, do as you see fit, I support you." A little later in the same chapter, we will talk about this topic in more detail.

8. Explain your position. So far I have listed the qualities of an obedient wife. You need to respect his status, let go of the reins, trust him, be flexible, obedient, willing to support him, even if you do not agree with his opinion. However, there are times when you need express your position. Your understanding of the topic under discussion can be valuable to your husband, as well as your opinion. And it doesn't matter if he asks you to express your opinion or not, honestly - and if necessary persistently - speak out about this. You do not need to insist on your position, but you must express it. In such conversations, the following rules should be followed.

First, think it over for yourself first. You must be sure of your position. If you want to ask or offer something, ask yourself if you are not driven by selfish motives, if this is honest, if this is selfish, or maybe you just want to impose your opinion on your husband. If you disagree with your husband's plans, try to understand why this is happening. Maybe you are afraid of something, or here we can talk about the manifestation of selfishness on your part? If you reflect on your own motivation, the idea under discussion will become clearer to you. Or you will become even more confident in your position. Many women miss this important point thinking about their own ideas, believing that this should be done by a husband. He, in turn, may simply not be disposed to consider your ideas. Then he will become stubborn or categorically refuse your proposals. If you are confident in the reasonableness of your arguments, then be sure to speak out and move on to the next step.

Next, you need to pray about it. Thanks to prayer, everything will become much clearer to you. You will either strengthen your beliefs, or you will see serious shortcomings in them. If you see errors in your reasoning, discard the idea itself and do not think about it anymore. If you are unsure, continue to pray and meditate on the subject. If your prayer is answered in the affirmative, move on to the next step.

Approach your husband with confidence. Don't be shy. Be firm. Speak clearly and, if necessary, firmly. Tell him that you have thought it over and prayed about it. Now you are asking him to think and pray about this too. After that, trust God. When explaining your position, follow the recommendations on how women should approach their husbands with advice.

wife's advice

A man wants to see his wife nearby not only for support, but also for advice. Sultan Shah Jahan turned to his wife Mumtaz Mahal for advice, and David Copperfield confided a lot to Agnes. After marrying Dora, he had no one to consult with. “Sometimes I wished,” he admitted, “that my wife was my adviser with a strong and determined character and the ability to fill the void that seemed to me to arise around me.” All good wives are for their husbands advisers, mentors and best friends.

Women have a special, unique feminine gift insight And intuition who help them give their husband sound advice. Only a wife, like no one else, knows how to see her husband's life in perspective. You are closer to him than anyone else, but not as close to his problems as he is. He stands too close to them, and therefore his understanding of his own problems may be distorted. You see them much better. You are only a step or half a step away from the center of his life. You look wider and your vision is clearer. You care about him more than anyone else in the whole wide world, and are ready to make any sacrifice for him. And while you may know less than other people, your advice may be more reliable than other people's advice.

Here are the requirements for good advisers: First of all, stop handing out adviсe or offers How daily food. This can be boring for everyone. He will just stop listening to you. Save your advice for when he asks you to speak up or when a very crucial moment comes. If your advice is rare, he will listen to them more willingly.

Next, stop seeing everything in a negative light. Throw away doubts, fears and anxieties, otherwise your advice can only cause harm. Good advisers are people who always think positively. They are cautious, but do not allow any negative thoughts. If you find yourself prone to negative thoughts, read a good book on the power of positive thinking.

Then a good adviser can always advise a person something worthwhile. Develop your character, acquire wisdom, deepen your philosophy of life. Expand your knowledge of life and what is happening around you. Become a selfless person who readily shares with those around him. If you become a good man, the husband will trust you and seek your advice. But if you are a limited and self-centered person, you will have nothing to offer him. A woman who does not have treasures within herself cannot be a good adviser. When sharing advice with your husband, observe the following rules.

How should a woman advise a man?

1. Ask leading questions. The most subtle way of giving advice is with leading questions, such as: "Have you ever imagined solving such issues in this way before?" or “Have you thought about such a possibility? ..” The key word in such questions is the word “you”. The husband may say, "I've already thought about it" or "Not yet, but I'll think about it." In any case, he will take this thought as his own and think it over without feeling any threat from the outside.

2. Listen. After leading questions, listen to him. From time to time show signs of attention to his words so that he continues to speak, and then again listen carefully. During the whole conversation, listen more and talk less. Good advisers are well aware of the importance of listening carefully to a person before giving advice. Better save the advice for the end of the conversation. Sometimes a smart woman does not advise anything at all. She will lead her husband to the fact that he himself will answer all his questions.

3. Share your understanding. When you share your point of view, say: “I think...”, “I feel...”, or “I understand...”, because in this way you show your perception of this situation. He won't argue with your feelings or perceptions. Don't use phrases like "I think" or "I know." He may resist what you think or you know.

4. Don't try to prove that you know more than him. Do not seek to show that you are wise, know everything, or surpass your husband with your intellect. Do not try to prove yourself an expert in his field and do not expect him to appreciate your extraordinary mind. Don't ask too many leading questions and don't use the word "why" too much. If he made a mistake, and all this time you knew what to do to avoid it, being amazed that he did not know this, your complacency will only outrage him.

5. Don't play the role of a mother. Your inherent maternal nature and gracious attitude can make you feel like his mother. Don't look at him like little boy, for which you need an eye and an eye. He does not need to be protected from adversity and responsibility, you do not need to worry about him, as you worry about a child.

6. Don't talk to him like a man to a man. Do not speak harshly, as is customary for men, that is, do not put yourself on the same level with him. Don't say, for example, "Let's make a decision" or "Why don't we review this option again" or "I think I figured out what our problem is." Give him the opportunity to occupy a dominant position so that he sees that he is needed and appreciated as a leader.

7. Don't act like you're smarter than him. If you're giving a man advice on a subject that makes him fearful, don't make the mistake of showing more courage than he does. Let's say he wants to start a new business, change jobs, ask his boss for a raise, or try to implement new idea. He is nervous and afraid of the consequences of his step, since his venture may fail.

If you boldly say: "What are you hesitating about?" or “You have nothing to fear”, you will thereby show more masculine courage than he does. Instead, say, “I think this is a good idea, but I'm a little scared. Are you sure you really want to do this?" Such meekness can incline him to the manifestation of masculine courage, and then he will say: “It's not so scary. I think I can handle it." When a man sees timidity in a woman, his natural masculine courage awakens in him.

8. Don't give a hard-line opinion. When you give your husband advice, don't give a hard-line opinion. This kind of point of view will cause opposition and arguments, and you will lose your femininity and look like you are trying to get him to take your advice.

9. Don't insist that he do what you want. Let him listen to your advice, but do not put any pressure on him. Give him freedom of choice. Let better man will do everything in his own way and make mistakes than put pressure on him and harm your relationship.

Obedience

Now let's take a closer look at one of the most important requirements for your husband's successful leadership. It's about your obedience to him. The First Law of Heaven requires obedience, therefore this law should be the main one in every home. It is the foundation of every well-equipped home, a successful family and a prosperous life for children. The wife is the key to success in this matter. When she is a model of obedience to her husband, the children are sure to follow this example. This will not only bring immediate benefits, but will have far-reaching consequences throughout the life of the family.

On the other hand, when a wife refuses to obey her husband, she shows her own children a model of a rebellious spirit that her children will follow. They will conclude that they do not have to obey anyone if they themselves do not want to. They will decide that there are always some workarounds. When such children go out into the world, it is difficult for them to obey the law, supreme power, teachers at school or institute or superiors at work. The problem of rebellious youth originates in the home, where the mother did not want to obey her husband or show no respect for his authority.

The English satirist Northcote Parkinson examined the causes of the 1970s student revolution that took place in America and blamed women for everything. He told a Los Angeles audience that the problem with American colleges stems from a lack of respect for authority that was born at home: “The general movement, I think, begins with the women's revolution. Women demanded the right to vote and equal rights with men, they ceased to be subject to the control of their husbands. As a result, they lost control over their own children." Mr Parkinson said that during his childhood in the Victorian era "the word of the father was law, and the mother's greatest threat was her promise to 'tell everything to the father'. Today, a mother cannot tell her children that because she herself refused to submit to the authority of her husband in the family."

On the other hand, women who strictly obey their husbands show reverence and respect for their status in the family, set an example of obedience to their children, and they follow this example. A few years ago I went to visit my daughter, and at the same time my son, who was studying at a university nearby, came to visit them. They talked and I listened. Suddenly, in their conversation, one phrase caught my attention.

Paul said to Christina: "When we were children, it never crossed my mind to disobey my father, but you, Christina?" The daughter answered categorically: “No, I never even thought of disobeying my father!” I interrupted their conversation with a question: "Why couldn't you disobey your father?" They answered right away: “You were the key to our obedience, Mom, because you always obeyed Dad, even if it was very difficult!”

At the same moment, an incident came to my mind, which had happened several years before. We have been planning a trip to the lakes of Florida for several years. Children marked the dates on the calendar, wishing to bring the date of departure to this remote state closer. When the time came, we bought a new minibus, and happily set off on the long-awaited journey.

When we arrived in South Florida, we bought fried chicken and sat under an Indian fig tree while our daughters played the guitars. The husband left for a few minutes to call his son, who was serving as a missionary in Sweden at the time. He began to have health problems, and we were a little worried. When the husband returned, he had a strange expression on his face. "We need to get back to California," he said. “The son fell ill and was sent home.”

At that time, I did not take his words seriously, because I am an optimist. I spoke to my husband, advising him to invite his son to us in Florida. I thought it would do him good. It seemed to me that I convinced him, after which we all climbed into the car and headed towards the lakes. In the middle of the night, I woke up to the fact that we were driving north, heading to California.

For a long time, in the presence of the children, I tried to persuade him to return to Florida. I was sure that I was doing everything right. I knew there was no need to return and that the children would be greatly disappointed. I remember how strong the temptation was to take and just exit fromcars. But I didn't. I was aware of the limits of what was permitted and, finally, retreated. The children silently watched me and remembered this episode for the rest of their lives. They understood how difficult it was for me.

Now I saw that scene even more clearly. I thought that they would suffer greatly from disappointment and the interrupted journey would leave scars in their souls for life. But imagine the far greater harm I could have done to the children by my example of rebellious behavior. I reminded Paul and Christine of that experience and asked if they were disappointed with the interrupted journey. “No,” they said, “we realized that we must sacrifice our desires for the well-being of one of us.” Our son recovered, and everything ended well, but then he was on the verge of death. I really could make a serious mistake.

Family leadership problems

1. When a wife is afraid of her husband's failure. Wives around the world are always wary of the plans or decisions of their husbands, because they are afraid of witnessing their failures. Women have to rely on either success or failure. Not a single person has ever achieved success without daring to take risks. It is impossible to reach the top of the mountain, figuratively speaking, without taking risks. Actually, the history of success is woven from many failures. Take, for example, the success story of Abraham Lincoln.

When he was a young man, he ran for the Illinois state legislature and was defeated. After that, he took up business and also failed, and for seventeen years he repaid the debts of his unlucky partner. Having entered politics, he got into Congress, but he also failed there. Then he tried to get into the department of land tenure in the United States, but did not achieve success in this field. He became a candidate for the US Senate and lost again. In 1856, he became a candidate for vice president, but even then he was not lucky. In 1858 he lost the election in Douglas. Nevertheless, he still achieved the greatest success in public life. Much of this success can be attributed to his wife, Mary Todd, who constantly said, "Someday he will be a great man."

The wife represents the key to her husband's success. If she wholeheartedly supports his decisions, whatever they may be, he will be able to survive the mistakes made and move on. Otherwise, she will cause him to live his whole life in the shadows. Men who could do great things in their lives have remained in the shadows only because they did not find the support of their wives on riceforged road to success.

2. When the wife rebels Fear of a possible mistake or failure can provoke a woman to rebellion. Christian author Orson Pratt writes the following about this:

“A woman should never be guided by her judgment against her husband's, for if her husband plans to do something good, but is mistaken in his assessment, the Lord will bless her willingness to follow her husband's advice. God made him the head of the family, and although he may indeed be mistaken in his assessment, God will not justify his wife if she is disobedient to his instructions and instructions. The sin of disobedience is much more serious than the mistakes made in seeking a solution. For this reason, she will be condemned for opposing her will to the will of her husband ... Be obedient, and God will turn everything for your good: in His appointed time, He will correct all the mistakes of her husband ... A wife, refusing to obey her husband’s advice, will lose Spirit of God."

3.When a husband is lost in doubt. Does your husband sometimes hesitate, unable to come to a definite decision? If he is naturally too cautious, come to terms with this trait of his character and learn to live with it. However, he may be driven by the fear that you will not understand him. Usually the husband is afraid that his decision will harm the well-being of the family. For example, a person wants to continue his education, but is afraid that his studies will become a burden on the financial situation of the family. In this case, you can support him in such a desire by saying that you are ready to make the sacrifices associated with this.

Or another option. Your husband may be afraid that his decision will lead to a reduction in financial security or a loss of prestige. He would gladly undertake the implementation of his plans, but he lacks the courage to do so. If you see that his fears are unfounded, help him gain confidence and help him make the right decision.

4.When the husband does not want to lead. Maybe you yourself want your husband to take over the leadership of the family. You dream of a strong hand to lean on, but your husband is stepping back from his leadership position. In this case, the wife may become upset and take over the leadership of the family out of a sense of duty. What can be done to make the husband want to take the position of the head of the family?

First, read the passages of Scripture that speak of him as a leader. Discuss with him that there should be one head in the family. It is the man who is endowed with all the necessary qualities for this, and not the woman, and besides, you do not want to be the head of the family. Let him know that you need him as a leader who consciously takes on this responsibility. Offer him your help and support. After that, go about your household chores and do them well. Thus, you will clearly draw a line dividing the areas of responsibility between you and your husband.

5. When he takes the kids aside. If your husband corrupts the family, if he induces children to lie, steal and lead an immoral lifestyle or do other wicked things, you have a moral right to take them out of such a house, away from this bad influence. If you don't have children, you have exactly the same right to leave on your own.

However, if he is simply a weak person and, due to weakness, only stumbled and no longer adheres to the same high moral principles as you, if he neglects spiritual values ​​\u200b\u200bor otherwise shows a weak human nature, be patient and try to save your marriage.

Reward

In a house run by a husband, order always reigns. There are less disputes and disagreements, but more harmony. When he takes the lead, he grows into his masculine form. He develops traits such as firmness, determination, self-confidence and a sense of responsibility. When a wife moves away from a leadership position, she becomes calmer, less worried and fussy, can devote herself to household chores and succeed in this area.

Children raised in a family where the father's word is law have respect for authority, school teachers, church leaders, and leaders in all areas of society. In a male-led world, there is less crime and violence, fewer divorces and fewer cases of homosexuality. Marriages in such a society are happier happier family and hence the people themselves. If the patriarchy system could be implemented on a larger scale, we would live in a world based on law and order.

Remember: Better let a man do everything in his own way and oshibetter than to stand in his way and argue with him.

Previous conversation Next conversation

Your feedback