Love at 35. Low demand for love and sex
Probably, you should immediately make a reservation that limiting spiritual impulses is not The best way bring lightness and happiness into your life. But there are some things that for every woman by the age of 35 will be only pleasant baggage, and not a heavy burden and useless experience.
For most of us, 35 years is a golden age. The careless mistakes of youth are already in the past, in the eyes there is an alluring mystery and wisdom of life, and any 20-year-old beauty can envy the feline grace and ability to feel her sexuality.
1. Experiment with appearance
By the age of 35, it would be good to decide for sure - which hair color is categorically not yours, which one makes you fat, and which one ages. It’s great if your appearance underwent all the harsh experiments at the peak of the hormonal rampage: at the age of 15-18. And at 35, without a twinge of conscience, you can already reconsider photos of a daring youth, where there was a time for a perehydrol blonde, and pink curls, and green leggings, and crooked arrows a la smoky eyes at graduation.
2. Break away to the fullest (or not to the fullest)
What could be more attractive than the look of a cat that has had enough of a walk? She knows perfectly well what a full drive is, but now she does not seek to break the chain at every opportunity. And this gives her a special mystery associated with her knowledge of the fullness of life. It's great when a girl at 35 can remember dancing on the bar or on the table, and nightly swimming in the pool, or even in the fountain, and other delights of passionate youth.
3. Get girlfriends
Until the age of 35, you will have a lot of chances to find good, devoted girlfriends - at school, college, at work ... She may even be Native sister or mom, and not taking advantage of these opportunities would be very stupid. If you haven’t made a single girlfriend before the age of 35, this is a rather sad fact. Still, it is sometimes vital for people at any age to share joys or sorrows with someone and trust the innermost.
4. Learn to cook deliciously
If at the age of 20 poorly fried meat can be attributed to lack of experience, then at 35 the inability to cook can only be afforded by a well-to-do and insanely busy woman who has the opportunity to have a housekeeper or a personal chef. In all other cases, nothing can justify the inability to cook in these years.
5. Learn to earn
Even if you successfully married a multimillionaire, then learning how to earn at least your own underwear and lipstick will still not be superfluous. In order not to be at the age of 35, in which case, a helpless chick without the strength and possibilities of existence, a woman must be able to be financially independent.
6. Get hurt in love
No matter what anyone says, almost any love suffering in youth is a great experience, and for many even a source of strength and inspiration. Only after going through such a harsh school of relationships can we understand “what is good” and “what is bad”, who can be trusted and who should beware. And often it is thanks to the negative experience in relationships that we can then recognize the true, sincere feeling.
7. Discover your sexuality
If by the age of 35 you have not managed, then you risk living with them all your life. What a 20-year-old cannot do, a 25-year-old is embarrassed to do, a 35-year-old woman must master the technique perfectly. A couple of sex experiments in the erotic collection will not hurt you. And the most important thing at 35 for a woman is to be able to have fun.
8. Patch holes in education
It is useful to read at least according to the program: Anna Karenina, The Master and Margarita, The Idiot, The Brothers Karamazov, and also get acquainted with the work remark, Fitzgerald, Oscar Wilde… You can continue the list yourself. It would be nice to improve your knowledge of history. It will not be superfluous for sure, but to show off erudition and better understand the world order will help for sure.
9. Have a hobby
Self-realization in any of its manifestations is the best way from depression and illness. Someone seriously "gets sick" with raising children, someone with scientific discoveries, parachuting or breeding hamsters. The main thing is to find what brings you pleasure.
10. Buy something crazy expensive
At 35, we are already big enough girls and can afford to fork out for a dream or even a momentary whim. The time of cheap fakes has passed and it's time to buy really worthwhile things: for example, elegant Louboutin shoes, or maybe a ring or earrings from Tiffany.
11. Learn to forgive insults
Holding a grudge against someone is more expensive for yourself. Nerves deteriorate, anger negatively affects mood and health. At 35, it's time to live full life and breathe deeply, without the stone shackles of resentment hidden in the chest. At this age, you should already have enough intelligence and self-respect to forgive ex boyfriend, best friend or reconcile with relatives.
12. Increase self-esteem
No “I’m fat”, “ugly”, “I have short legs”, “sparse hair” and “ungrateful work” ... By the age of 35, it would be time to either learn to accept yourself for who you are, or be able to hide and fight your own imperfections. Fitness clubs, beauty salons, proper clothes And right attitude to your beloved - an indispensable must-have for any 35-year-old lady.
13. Know the recipe for a cocktail that blows your mind and beware of its consequences.
At 35, you certainly don't have to be a chaste and innocent sheep. But to be able to drink alcohol so that in the morning you are not ashamed of your behavior is simply a must.
14. Find your hairdresser and gynecologist
These are two guardians of women's health. The first is psychological (the manipulations of a hairdresser are sometimes much more effective than talking with a psychologist), and the second is physical (the head doctor, after all, is for women, who must definitely suit you in all respects).
15. Learn and make small talk
If sudden outbursts of anger and harsh statements about relatives, friends, loved ones in adolescence can still be somehow attributed to intemperance, then, you see, in adulthood, a self-respecting lady should be able to control herself, be diplomatic in different situations. In addition, a woman must master the techniques of making small talk - who knows in what circles and societies she will have to communicate.
In general, the list of what a woman should already have time to do by this wonderful period of life can be endless. Each of us has our own strict criteria and evaluations of ourselves. The main thing is that they are.
How to relate to your age, having reached the middle of life? Watch in our video:
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The ideal woman in the view of Russian men is not at all suitable for the role of an ideal wife, but for happy family many do not need love or sex at all, sociologists have found out.
Research over the past 17 years in the field of family and gender roles demonstrates interesting trends, which Yulia Lezhnina, Senior Research Fellow at the HSE Institute for Social Policy, Deputy Vice-Rector, spoke about at a lecture by the Yegor Gaidar Foundation from the Myths of Russian Society series.
According to her, the family is still important for Russians, but not as a value in itself, but as an element of a life project, as a kind of norm. Having a family is a necessary but not sufficient condition. “You need to have a family, it’s uncomfortable without it, and success in life seems incomplete. Although in general it is not a criterion for success. The family is not an area to which it is customary to make efforts. Unlike a career, ”Lezhnina notes.
The ideal woman in the view of Russian men is not at all the one you want to marry. Judging by the qualities that they endow with an ideal woman and an ideal wife, these are generally two different people. In the first case, men want to see an attractive appearance and sexuality, in the second - housekeeping, fidelity, love for children. As you can see, there are no intersections.
“Some time ago, ideas about perfect woman and about the wife coincided. Kindness and love for children were important in judging a woman as such. That is, she was immediately perceived as a potential wife. Now these concepts are being bred, ”the sociologist notes.
But women still look at their partner as their future husband, and therefore the difference between an ideal man and an ideal spouse is not so critical. The first must definitely be strong and healthy, the second must be able to provide prosperity. And the rest is all for an amateur: for someone the mind is important, for someone - not to smoke or drink.
“But in general, it is somewhat easier for an ideal man to become an ideal husband than for an ideal woman to become a wife,” notes Lezhnina.
There is an explanation for the fact that men want to see some women next to them, and choose others as wives. According to the sociologist, there is something not very good about love in Russian society. In one of her articles, Lezhnina admits that the creation of a family only for love has never been the norm of Russian culture. But love has always had an independent value for Russians, it has been an object of dreams.
Back in the early 2000s, only 5% of women aged 17 to 50 said that meeting true love was not part of their life plans.
“Today, dreams of love, even among young people, have been supplanted by hopes for prosperity, health and a fair social order. Only 6% of Russians dream of love. Meeting with true love is the twelfth of their fourteen priorities in life, while the family takes fourth place on this list, ”Lezhnina notes.
As a wish that the Russians would make by catching goldfish, only 18% named happiness in their personal lives. Most of them are women.
Not everyone needs good sex for a happy family. Only 44% of Russians admit that they are doing well in this area. At the same time, 46% of married Russians who assess their sex life as bad, they say that they have a happy family.
Of course, good sex and love for a partner increase psychological comfort and a sense of well-being. But, according to the Russians, this is not at all a prerequisite for a happy life. family life. By the way, women complain about a bad sex life twice as often as men.
According to Lezhnina, this attitude to sex is not only characteristic of older people. “Young people in megacities, apparently, are also not up to it: they have no time, they are tired, they have other tasks. They prefer to direct a valuable resource to other activities,” she believes.
The family, paradoxically, can sometimes be perceived by Russians as happy even in the case of bad relations in it, the sociologist notes. Thus, 13% of Russians who said they had bad relationship with a partner, also considered their families happy.
“This suggests that today, when creating a family, Russians are far from always guided by the goal of providing themselves with a comfortable system of personal relationships - in any case, they do not put this task at the forefront,” the expert sums up.
Why then do people create families? There is no universal answer. For some, a family is a comfort zone where it is convenient to live, it is pleasant to communicate, and you can get support. Basically, smart intellectual young people in large cities are striving for this. Someone perceives the family as a household. Here prosperity comes first, the house is a full bowl. Another option: the family is like a love nest. But this option, as it turns out, is not very popular among the people. And as before, almost 20% of Russians start a "family for children."
For most Russians, children are still part of the life project. 55% would like to become parents. Of these, 10% dream of one child, 30% - of two, 15% - of three or more. At the same time, 75% already have children! A third of our fellow citizens (34%) have one child, another third have two, and 7% have more than two. That is, in many families there are more children than we would like. Or they just became parents, although they didn’t really plan to. One way or another, every fifth inhabitant of the country brings up children who are not desirable for him. This is more common in rural areas than in cities.
The childfree movement and same-sex families are becoming more visible. But not yet enough to talk about any trends.
Anna Semenets
new age period. Youth. It starts from the age of 20, when the period of adolescence ends, the personality stabilizes and lasts up to 30-35 years.
A person at this age fully finds his place in life, strengthens his position. By this time, the profession has usually already been chosen, the education has been received.
The most auspicious time for self-realization.
At a young age, the development of the profession is most complete. A person is full of strength and energy, active, optimistic about life. All prospects are still open.
Communication is most complete and productive, friendships are strong. Also, it's time true love. Usually, most people at this age create their own families.
People choose a life partner and strive not just for romantic relationships, but they want stability, warmth, family relationships.
Love between a man and a woman at this age is the most mature and strong, they seem to complement each other. Between the ages of 22 and 30, people adapt best to cohabitation.
It has been noted that after 35 years, a person has already formed their own habits, way of life, so it is more difficult for them to get used to life together with another person and, accordingly, it is already more difficult for them to start a family.
Women during the crisis of 35 years also have a change of priorities.
If in more early age she was more focused on marriage and then now at first 
plan goes professional activities and career. Or vice versa, if earlier a woman gave all her strength to work, now she is more attracted to her family. Therefore, many business women, having achieved heights in their careers, by the age of 35 begin to think about family and children.
experiencing middle age crisis, a person seeks to strengthen his position in the family, at work. Wants to maintain stability. It is very important during this period to support a loved one and native person. Spouses should be more tolerant of each other in this difficult period for both. For some things wise wife can close his eyes.
remember, that a crisis- this is a difficult period, but still temporary. And it is important to think carefully before destroying what has been built over the years. We need to be able to appreciate and respect each other.
Family- this is the greatest value a person has, it can always give consolation in a difficult period. Therefore, the crisis of adulthood is easiest to overcome with the help of the support of the closest people.
How do women fall in love at 15, 25, 35 years old?
A funny picture with statistics has been circulating on the Internet for a long time: why do women fall in love? The percentages in it are distributed in this way: 61% cannot live without unnecessary problems, 13% peck at money, 11% did not listen to their mother, 9% love animals, 6% are just fools. This is a joke, but, as always, with some truth, says Pannochka.net
Only these statistics do not take into account the age of a woman, depending on which her attitude towards men and towards love changes. We will try to understand the psychology of female love at different stages of life, but not in jest, but seriously.
15 years
It may not necessarily be 15 years old, but also 14, and 17, and 19 - the time of youth and the time of first love. At this age, we have the most controversial and chaotic attitude towards men. On the one hand, the bar for a potential boyfriend is raised to the skies, on the other hand, cloudiness in the brain and soul, as well as a complete lack of experience, does not allow one to correctly judge men, evaluate their advantages and disadvantages. In youth, we are attracted, first of all, by the picture, appearance, behavior, behind which we see, invent and think out internal qualities - kindness, intelligence, decency. Remember how you had a "selection of applicants" at the age of 15. It probably looked something like this. you walked with best friend down the street, at the parade, with the hairstyles that you just did to each other at home, seeming so grown-up to yourself, but in fact, just like girls, similar to each other and funny. You walked and noted with your eyes every passing male, and especially those whose age was 3-5 years older than you. Because those who are younger are youngsters, and those who are older are old farts. And given that girls at the age of 13-17 are the funniest creatures on the planet, just show them a finger - they will roll up, as soon as another young man slipped past you, an explosion of laughter was immediately heard. The phrases accompanying this explosion could be: "Did you see how he was staring? Fu, how nasty! Crocheted nose! Also a punk to me! Does he even wash? He liked you! Look, he turns around! Ha-ha-ha! Let's run from here!"
This went on until you met HIM. And Pushkin's lines "The soul was waiting ... for someone" and "It's time to come, she fell in love" fully suited you too. Most often, a 15-year-old girl falls in love with a guy who is in front of everyone, handsome or impudent, someone who for various reasons (impudence, sense of humor, parents' money) becomes the center of attention. I experienced it myself when for two years of my youth I was sick like never before in my life, by a man five years older than me. He was the captain of the KVN team. Once I accidentally got into a company where everyone listened, with their mouths open, to his jokes and laughed. And I laughed too, and then I came home and sobbed into the pillow all night. She wrote in diaries, drew her experiences with black ink on paper, woke up and fell asleep thinking about him, took time every day to “accidentally” walk past the kiosk where he usually bought cigarettes, hoping to see him and hear a casual “hello”. He had slightly slanting eyes, a slightly wild look, a feverish blush on his cheeks. He was also rude and drank a lot. And laughed at me. I loved him the way you can only love in your youth - madly and forever.
25 years
The age from 20 to 30 years old with a center at 25 is the same age when the main "fateful" decisions in life are usually made. In this time period, as a rule, we meet someone who - for life or only for part of it - becomes our other half.
At the age of 25, a woman already has experience in relationships with men, she has experienced meetings and partings, resentment and forgiveness, several times her ideas about men have been turned upside down and vice versa. She came to the conclusion that handsome men are often selfish, jokers are womanizers, drinkers are professionals, namely drunkards who cannot be cured by love and affection. Now she looks at men differently: she looks closely, carefully questions her acquaintances, is afraid of getting burned, weighs all the pros and cons, and draws parallels with past relationships. And if in youth the external attractiveness of the subject came first, now the inner world of a man, his attitude towards his beloved woman, and, of course, his material wealth, become valuable. After all, he must provide not only for his wife, but also for joint children - all this is constantly kept in mind by a woman around the age of 25.
It takes a 25-year-old girl much less time than a 17-year-old girl to understand: this man is not suitable for her. She knows how this or that life collision can end, for example, falling in love with married man, and will try not to waste a few years of his life on a man who will never leave his wife and children. Although even an adult woman sometimes understands this too late.
At this age, you are in the prime of your attractiveness, and therefore quite high requests for a man whom you would like to see as your husband have a very real chance of being crowned with success. In a word, you want a lot and you will get a lot! Although, of course, no one is immune from disappointment.
35 years and older
After 30, you become a person with an established character, with the same strengths and weaknesses, habits, needs and established lifestyle. You cannot be remade, you cannot be molded from you, like from plasticine, a different person, you hardly make compromises and almost cannot adapt to other people at all. You are who you are. And you want to be loved by the same perfect man, which you dreamed of at 25 years old. This is where the difficulty lies. That man has been married for a long time. He has obligations, problems, in the end - a wife. He is not up to you. True, sometimes he gets divorced, and then at his disposal the attention of many women much younger than you, ready to become plasticine in his hands. And you are different. You are older. And why are you better than them?
All women over 30 can be divided into two categories: those who lower the bar in relation to men, and those who do not.
The expression "lower the bar" can easily be replaced by "become more tolerant of people." You become more tolerant of men, you can forgive them a lot, for example, rude treatment (“He has so many problems at work!”), A reminder that you are sitting on his neck (“But I really get 5 times less than he!"), sometimes even betrayal ("Anyway, he returned to me. I am a wise woman"). Some women really, with all sincerity, forgive a lot of their men, loving and considering them good people, only tortured by work, affairs and life in general. Other ladies endure and lower the bar just because they feel: their time is running out, there’s no time for intelligibility here, even if there is one, but there is a man in the house. And public opinion, "persuading" them not to wander around and take what's left, plays an important role in this black business.
A woman after 35 with high demands for men should be ready to be left alone. Because her potential rivals have youth, naivete and freshness of feelings that men like so much. But she also has a chance to get what she deserves. And for this you need to constantly work on yourself, improving spiritually and physically. Keep slim figure. Dress elegantly, attractively, tastefully, use expensive cosmetics. Treat and cherish, love yourself. Self-realization at work. And in your free time, do not sit at home, but visit festive events make friends, live life to the fullest. And be present where the man of her dreams can be (of course, without having it in mind at all!) And this man will not miss such a woman! Indeed, besides the fact that she is successful, interesting and independent, she is also truly BEAUTIFUL in her 30s. And beauty mature woman inherently deeper and more attractive than the ephemeral charm of youth.
But now I already hear indignant phrases about why we, women, should try all our lives for men, dress attractively, go to beauty salons, etc.? Please don't rape anyone. Stay in your favorite stretchy jeans and pilled top and don't wash off your chipped nails for at least another week. Nobody is forcing you to change! But then don't dream of smart and successful men, who have Süskind's latest novel in the back seat of a luxury car. Because you, with your rich inner world, unfortunately, will certainly never fall into the zone of their attention.
So, in youth we fall in love with a picture, in youth - with a character, and in maturity - with a man who is really worthy of us. Or we are alone. And we continue to live on. Waiting for love...
To be honest: by and large, it is not so important where and how you prefer to get acquainted. What really matters is the impression you make. A pleasant, self-confident person is more likely to strike up an acquaintance in line at the dentist than an arrogant and critical one at a prestigious party.
Why do so many men disappear after the first date?
A woman needs to learn not to make mistakes that can turn a perfectly started date into a nightmare. The most common claims of men:
- consumer attitude. If it seems to you that it is not noticeable, then it is not.
- does not listen to you, does not keep up the conversation, or only cares about telling his own story.
- talks too much about his past relationships. It doesn't matter how you rate it.
- chooses topics that are too serious (experiences about tragic events in life) or topics of plans for the future (desire to get married or have children).
How to find love?
After a successful first date, call the man and thank him for a wonderful evening. And do not be afraid that you will lose your attractiveness, the man will be happy to hear from you. But don't go overboard with asking for a second date. Just say thank you and let him know that you would be glad to see him again. Your call can put an end to his doubts and hesitation.
If you did everything right, made an impression, sent the right signals and liked the man, he will definitely call and make a second date.
You will understand that he likes you if:
- He will ask you about your family and work. Be interested in the latest events in your life.
- He will show that he remembers what you talked about earlier.
- He will always find time to talk to you to get to know you better.
You should keep looking for the man of your dreams if:
- you have trouble planning a date or he offers to meet at the last minute
- he's more than 15 minutes late for a date, doesn't apologize, or doesn't show up at all
- he does not show interest in you or does everything to leave as soon as possible
- he does not answer your questions, gets irritated, becomes categorical in his statements
- offers you to pay for yourself
- at the end of a date, he invites you to continue it at his house or persistently asks to see you, he is offended by your refusal or becomes rude
Now you know where to find love! Good luck!
