I love my work colleague. What to do if you fell in love with a colleague

In the modern world, office romances have become such a common occurrence in office life that the phrase “I fell in love with the boss” will not surprise anyone. Constant communication with a narrow circle of people, the need to look together for a solution difficult questions- all this brings people together, and the boss's confidence, perseverance in achieving goals, rapid career growth - creates a romantic halo of masculinity and reliability that envelops a man from head to toe and imperceptibly pushes the young lady into a strong hug.

What to do if you fell in love with the director? Should I start a serious romance or limit myself to light flirting?

Love at work not only inspires labor exploits, but also gives rise to an irresistible desire to taste the “forbidden fruit”. Many women still remember intrigues in the workplace as the brightest and most pleasant moments of everyday work. Great sex expensive gifts, restaurants, an unforgettable vacation on the seas and, undoubtedly, the very attention of a respectable man is a very valuable resource for increasing female self-esteem.

Many girls have thoughts about how to become Cinderella, charm the rich prince handsome and live happily ever after. Often, a glass slipper is not enough for this. What to do? Here you can not do without the advice of a wise fairy or, as in our case, a psychologist.

What is hidden behind the beautiful wrapper of an office romance? What risks should be considered before taking the first step?

Step one: Gathering information

Assess the situation. Take a closer look at the boss, his mannerisms, communication style with different people, hobbies and habits. Find out what qualities he appreciates in subordinates, which girls most often appear in his environment.

Such thorough preparation is necessary in order to find out the pros and cons of the gentleman, to objectively assess your chances and the alignment of forces.

Keep in mind that most office romances have remained petty intrigues in the workplace, which you don’t want to remember. But they all started well.

The girl fell in love with a work colleague, which is not at all surprising, because a love affair between people working on a joint project is not so rare. Light flirting, eye shooting, compliments, innocent surprises, evening walks, intimate conversations. But happiness did not last long. The young lady drowned in dreams of a joint future, and he chose another. Possibly much younger long legs and an angelic smile. And then the third, fourth, fifth, and every time everything is the same: flowers, compliments, evening walks, broken women's hearts.

The instinct of a hunter worked in a man: he charmed, won and, having lost interest, rushed off in search of a new passion. He begins to find fault with an unrequited young lady more and more often, lowers his salary, allows himself rudeness, ridicule, and sometimes, simply “smokes out” former mistress from the company, "so that with a sad look it does not annoy the master's eyes."

In many companies, office romances are officially banned so that personal relationships cannot affect productivity. But you can’t command the heart, and colleagues, as a rule, try to keep their relationship secret.

In any case, keep in mind that if the passion fades, past relationships will reduce your value as an employee, can ruin your reputation and become an obstacle to healthy business communication. It is unlikely that anyone would want to have friendly ties and trust a lady who fell in love with her boss and fell out of favor.

Step Two: Risk Assessment

Rapid rapprochement without careful preparation exposes in the literal and figurative sense, makes it less protected in case of the boss's anger. The reason is simple: the need to keep a distance dissolves, because you have moved into the status of an ex.

It is even scarier to be a fallback if you fell in love with a married boss, and sex with a subordinate is his favorite way to relax after a hard day's work and nothing more. Sometimes a guy begins to take revenge, defiantly start new novels, mock. Ask yourself: "If I'm married, is it worth throwing myself into the pool with my head?" After all, if you fell in love with a married colleague, and he turns out to be a vengeful jealous man, threats, blackmail and severe disappointment are possible.

Another nuance that you should pay attention to is flirting. How does a man react, what compliments are especially pleasant for him? Is he ready to move forward or is he trying to slow down.

Perhaps the chief is a lover of innocent flirting with pretty girls from the office, but remains a faithful husband whose armor cannot be penetrated. For him, flirting is a way to keep yourself in shape, tone, test male magnetism and maintain the status of a womanizer. Of course, such men are very rare, but they also need to be taken into account so as not to waste your feminine energy in vain.

Do not underestimate the stage of preparation and study of the object of passion. It is better to play it safe, find out more about past novels and draw the right conclusions so as not to repeat the mistakes of others.

Step three: start hunting

Who said that hunting is exclusively a male hobby? No matter how. You were not afraid of difficulties and did not lose your ardor, which means that the goal is already close.

It’s great if a girl is confident in her own abilities and knows the art of manipulation and the secrets of seduction no worse than the legendary Cleopatra. If you are not one of them, do not despair. Feel free to use the advice of a psychologist:

1. Pay attention to yourself. Be beautiful, alluring and charming. Adhere to the strict office dress code rules, but don't forget about the lightness and femininity of your image. Pick a good perfume. Unbutton the top button of your shirt. Use stylish accessories, not too bright sophisticated jewelry that will emphasize the beauty of your body.
2. Gently offer interesting way solving a problem that the boss has been thinking about for a long time, demonstrate your professionalism, intelligence and business sense.
3. Try to find something in common outside of work. Perhaps you are fond of travel, and the guy was just about to fly to Cuba. Try to find out as much as you can about the boss's hobby. If the guy loves cars, ask for advice on which one is better for you or a relative. Let him know how much you value his opinion.
4. Keep your distance, but sometimes show interest. successful men they don’t like too accessible ladies, but light flirting hasn’t hurt anyone yet. The main thing is to keep a balance at work with the boss and not arouse suspicion in colleagues.
5. Support in difficult times. If the boss had a fight with his wife, support, but do not speak badly about the opponent, be tactful. Let him understand that you can be trusted, but do not rush things.
6. Having found out what your lover appreciates in women, demonstrate that you are a storehouse of beautiful feminine qualities. Just do not overdo it, otherwise you will be suspected of insincerity.
7. Play on male weaknesses, pick up your own melodies like a virtuoso pianist. At work with your boss, stay a little mysterious, keep yourself interesting.

Become special for the gentleman. A girl who is simply impossible not to notice in a crowd of long-legged pretty girls. But know when to stop and keep a balance, otherwise the situation may become comical. Keep in mind that you are taking risks anyway. It is almost impossible for a girl who decides to have a love affair with her boss to keep her heart intact and avoid disappointment after a breakup.

An affair in the workplace can damage marital relationships if you are married, turning life into a vicious circle from which it will be very difficult to get out.

Conclusion

Think carefully, is it worth destroying someone else's family? Maybe, the best option there will be innocent flirting, mutual sympathy and enjoyment of such a sweet state of being in love. Sometimes such a close, trusting relationship between a boss and a subordinate provides more opportunities for career growth and a comfortable life in a team than a bright, passionate, but short office romance.

Question to the psychologist:

Good afternoon I am 37 and have been married for 12 years. My husband is kind and caring, tall and handsome. But after so many years, the feelings are not the same. My attitude towards him is more like a relationship with myself ... I got a job new job. And she began to feel strange in the presence of one colleague. My heart jumps out of my chest and I feel like a schoolgirl in love. I did not immediately understand what was happening to me. I fly to work, and crawl away from work with sadness. I fell in love. How can this be? After all, I have always loved my husband, and now I love and care and worry about my husband. But thoughts about a colleague do not leave me. I think about him all the time, mentally talking to him, and today I caught myself thinking that I want a baby from him. I don't know how to deal with this new feeling. It’s like a magnet pulls me towards him, as if I’ve known him all my life ... Forgive me, but even with my husband I never felt like this .... What should I do? I love someone whom I have no right to love, not of my own free will, and no one asked me, this feeling just arose and torments me.

The psychologist Flying Igor Anatolyevich answers the question.

Elena, hello. Once again, proverbs confirm their relevance, which are "as old as the world": "you can’t order your heart", "love will suddenly come when you don’t expect it at all." Why this happens and why exactly a person has feelings, specifically for a specific person, has not been fully studied, but the fact remains that such states as you have exist. Now, I can only speculate, based on case studies, why this happened. You have calmed down for 12 years, yes, you yourself understand this, since your phrase explains everything: "relationship with yourself ..", in other words, the relationship has ceased to be absent, the initial "drive", everything has become measured and without unnecessary emotions .. But your body needed something else and it turned out what you describe .. How to be now? I understand that this is the most important question for you to which you want an answer. Oddly enough, but now, as far as possible, you need to calm down and use the principle, "think first, then do", you need to take into account realities and not transfer negativity to your husband, who is not to blame for the fact that you fell in love with another, because you First of all, I was satisfied with many things in my relationship with my husband. You already know why this happened, now you need to make a neutral analysis and understand that initially there are no visible differences between love and falling in love, conclusions can be drawn only after 3-6 months, perhaps if it's just falling in love, then you yourself will not understand , how could something like this happen to you and again in a relationship with your husband, everything will be fine. It is also important to understand whether there are real chances for reciprocal love from a colleague - for this, collect necessary information about him, find out if he is married or not, is he dating someone, or is he single? What is his general attitude towards you as a work colleague or does he have the same certain reciprocity? When you make an analysis, that is, there are 2 options, if initially there is no chance of a relationship with another man, then you must immediately leave this state, realizing the futility of this love and focus on the family, think about how to diversify relations with your husband so that the former attractiveness that was originally and which you have already forgotten about, now it just seems to you that this was not the case before, but I am sure that initially you loved your husband just as passionately! If you wish, everything will work out, that is, to abandon the potential "non-reciprocal love." If you feel reciprocity from another man, then no matter what they write to you and no matter how others convince you that you don’t need to start it all ..., you will do everything in your own way ... that is, you will reciprocate, answer to reciprocity, but in this case, I recommend that you do not rush to make a decision, wait a year, where you will be confident in another man and understand whether this is real love or just love ..., I remind you that conclusions can only be drawn with time ! If you hurry, then you yourself may regret it .., but it may no longer be possible to return the past ... So, in the second option, do not rush to make sudden decisions, I emphasize this again! Regardless of how events develop, you do not fall into apathy, because this will only make your life unbearable ... You are alive and well, this is the main thing! Just like the future unfolds. then in any case, try to normalize relations in the family, even if you get divorced, then there will be no doubt about the correctness of your decision! In the end, I wrote from the point of view of ACCEPTABLE, since in this situation not everything depends on you personally, but you already analyze everything now and decide on a competent tactic of behavior, taking into account the realities.

Work can really be a great place to meet a guy. You already see each other regularly, so it's easier for you to get to know each other naturally. Also, by working together, you already have something in common and something to talk about. On the other hand, turning a job passion into a relationship can be tricky. Without the approval of your boss or colleagues, the road to romance can be bumpy. However, as soon as the object of sighing reciprocates, most likely, he will be ready to do everything possible to make your romance a success.

Steps

Flirt at work

Look into his eyes. Eye contact is essential for flirting and getting attention. The eyes are truly the mirror of the soul, so let the guy look into them. If you look away from him, he will most likely think that you do not want to get to know him better.

• Despite the benefits of eye contact, don't stare at the guy. There is a fine line between looking and staring.
• Typically, women demonstrate their interest by raising their eyebrows, making eye contact, tilting their heads back and to the side, and then looking away.

1. Smile. This is probably the easiest way to show a guy you're interested. When a girl smiles at a guy, she looks open and friendly. This behavior will let him know that you are ready to make contact and that next to you he can be himself.

   • The best smile is a sincere smile. People know how to recognize fakeness, so just act natural!
   • If you have nice teeth or cute dimples, smiling will show them off.

2. Touch him. This is not always appropriate in the workplace, so be careful with this item. Some types of touch are considered normal in any setting, while others can be uncomfortable in the workplace. There are three types of flirty touches.

3. Give him compliments. Everyone likes to hear a little flattery from time to time. Note what you like about it or what you appreciate about it. However, it is better to concentrate not only on appearance. Think about what his actions seemed cool to you or what achievements he is proud of.

   • Let him know that you are always happy to see him. And that his person significantly brightens up long working days.
   • Praise him for something he did well (like giving a great presentation or paying attention to details). This will let him know that you are watching him.

4. Be direct. Research has shown that if a woman flirts openly, she is more likely to succeed. If the object of your sigh is not responding to you in any way, it may simply not be picking up your signals, and you should make them more obvious.

   • Straightforwardness has its limits. If it seems to you that you are sending clear hints, but not getting reciprocated, this is probably how the guy is trying to politely make it clear that he is not interested in you.
   • If you're worried that this is your case, just continue to act in your usual charming manner and see if this prompts him to take the first step.
   • You can be direct, but not demanding. Say "I'd like to spend some time together outside of work" instead of "Would you like to go to a bar with me?"

5. Flirt virtually. Flirting on the phone or in in social networks can be both more restrained and more open - it all depends on your performance. If you send playful messages from time to time, chances are no one will notice. However, curious colleagues will definitely pay attention if you put a “like” mark under each of his posts on social networks.

   • Always take extra care during virtual flirting. For example, watch what you press: “reply” or “reply to all”.
   • Avoid anything that is inappropriate in the workplace. It's okay to offer him a cocktail or a glass of beer after a long day at work. But sending ambiguous pictures is definitely not worth it.

   Present yourself in the best light

   1. Look your best. There is no universal way to look great. Every woman has her own style, and men have different tastes too. Looking your best is more than just impressing him. It also means wearing something that gives you confidence. A person who is satisfied with himself automatically becomes more attractive in the eyes of other people.

      • If you have a dress code at work, choose an outfit that makes you feel amazing. Wear a suit with a skirt that you know will flatter your figure.
      • If you must wear a uniform on duty, make sure it fits well and is clean. Pay extra attention to those aspects of the appearance where you can show individuality (for example, make beautiful hairstyle, manicure, make-up or put on jewelry).
      • If your clothes get dirty due to working conditions, choose uniforms and hairstyles that boost your self-esteem and make you feel good about yourself.

   2. Take good care of yourself and practice good hygiene. Good looks are not always enough to get a guy. In fact, poor hygiene can be a major deterrent. Take a shower at least once a day and brush your teeth at least twice a day. Use deodorant and wear clean clothes.

      • For some guys, good hygiene is more important than appearance. Therefore, first of all, take care of yourself, and you will become beautiful in a natural way.
      • Self-grooming people are attractive because they show pride in their appearance.

   3. Get enough sleep. Good vacation at night, not only will it keep you energized and productive, but it will also help you look and feel your best. If you do not get enough rest, you will be lethargic and not in the most best form when it comes to flirting.

      • The amount of sleep you need mainly depends on your personal needs. Most people need 7-9 hours of sleep.
      • Signs of sleep deprivation include dark circles and bags under the eyes. However, if you rest properly, they should disappear!

   4. Exude a pleasant aroma. Smell is most closely associated with memories as well as attraction. If your admirer begins to associate you with a pleasant aroma, another biological mechanism will play in your favor.

      • This does not mean that you should pour liters of perfume on yourself. In fact, soap and deodorant will already make a significant contribution.
      • If you decide to apply perfume, pay attention to the reaction of a colleague. If he leans towards you, then the scent is good. If he avoids you or wrinkles his nose, then he does not like the smell.

   5. Appear independent and confident. This is sometimes referred to as "playing hard to get". In fact, this way you will show him that you have a rich life and that your sense of completeness does not depend on men.

      • Show that you know how to lead an interesting life. You can say: “Did you go kayaking? I'm going this weekend, and now I'm thinking about what to take with me.
      • Feel comfortable dining alone or with a friend or two. This will show that you value time alone with yourself or with those close to you.

   6. Show your frivolous side. If he only sees you at work, he probably doesn't know about other facets of your personality. Make it clear that in and out of the workplace, you are not just busy.

      • Do something fun or frivolous at work. For example, you can organize a Secret Santa event during new year holidays or hang a funny wall calendar in the break room.
      • Invite colleagues to do something fun after work. So the guy can see how you behave with other people in a relaxed atmosphere.

   Socialize outside of work

   1. Invite him to do something new. So you show that you know how to have a good time and are able to provide him with a storm of emotions. It's easy to invite someone to a bar or to dinner, but the most memorable people are those who invite us to do something we've never done before.

      • Don't be discouraged if he refused. You can just say, “Well, if you change your mind in the future, let me know. I would love to spend time with you." Thus, you will not burn bridges and leave the course behind him.
      • Think of something that makes you excited. If you're afraid of heights, don't suggest that he try ziplining just because it sounds cool.

   2. Wear something you wouldn't wear to work. If you have lunch together or go somewhere right after the service, you will not be able to completely change your clothes. However, you can make small, flirty changes. If you're spending the weekend together, be sure to emphasize your individual style, since you don't have to dress in a businesslike way.

      • If you're meeting right after work, you can let your hair down if it's been styled up all day.
      • If you're having lunch together, you can leave your jacket at the office for a less formal look in a blouse and a suit skirt.
      • You can also change clothes immediately after the service. If your clothes are dirty after a day's work, it's only logical to change them before you go anywhere.

   3. Move conversations outside of work. If you talked during the day, you can remind him of this by sending short message or email. Try to divert the conversation from the topic of work and concentrate on common interests.

      • If he mentioned his favorite musical group, send the following message: “Hi! I downloaded the album you were talking about. Thanks for the great recommendation."
      • Don't "disentangle". Even if he likes you, he may not want to be reminded of the workplace after a hard day. Don't expect long messages or emails.

   Keep reasonable boundaries

   1. Be respectful and give him space. Let him decide for himself whether he wants to have lunch next to you or not, instead of always rushing to eat together. If he works in a different department, don't spend too much time there or he may think you're pushy.

      • You can poison enough signals of your interest and still not overstep its bounds.
      • Remember: no one wants to feel like they're being sexually harassed in the workplace. If a person thinks you're stalking them, you might be in trouble!

   2. Check out your company policy. In some companies, employees are actually prohibited from engaging in romantic relationships. Elsewhere there are strict rules behavior in the workplace. Do not take any action that could compromise you or your colleague. If you need to wait until the end of the working day, wait.

      • And although this does not always happen, the likelihood increases if the guy is in a position higher than yours.

   3. Stick to one guy at a time. With online dating apps, you can easily flirt (and date) lots of guys at the same time. At work, however, the situation is slightly different. Even if the object of your affection doesn't realize that you're also flirting with the courier, someone else will notice. And rest assured, this information will reach your colleague.

      • If a guy sees or hears that you are flirting with anyone else, he will probably decide that you are not serious in your intentions or that you do not like him.
      • Not all guys are motivated by jealousy or rivalry. If he sees you with someone else, chances are he will move on with his life, especially if he had feelings for you.
   • Take your time. Some people are very wary of office romances. They worry that if nothing works out, the work environment will remain uncomfortable for a long time. Don't be discouraged if the guy doesn't ask you out on a date right away.
   • Make sure it's free. Before you waste your time and effort, do a little research. As if by chance, ask a colleague if your object of sighing has steam. Most likely, a colleague will guess your motives, so be sure to ask someone you trust.

   Warnings

   • A failed office romance can actually put you in an awkward position. If you ended up going on a few dates with a guy, have a frank conversation with him. Agree that if things don't work out for you, both of you will treat each other with respect and can work together. If you can't agree on this, then building a relationship is not a good idea.
   • If you start dating, be sure to discuss whether you will be public about it at work and how openly. Depending on where you're stationed, you're either better off keeping the relationship a secret, or you can be open about it. However, if you hold different views, you may have hurtful misunderstandings.

Office romances are a great plot for melodramas. Sometimes the skill of the scriptwriters and director turns such relationships into a wonderful comedy, like in the movie Office Romance. And the love affair between the director and the secretary has completely turned into a topic for greasy jokes.

Sometimes colleagues, succumbing to the romance of a joint struggle, overcoming difficulties on the way to the success of the company, imperceptibly for themselves, fall into a whirlpool of passion.

Does a petty affair have a chance to turn into a strong family union, or is such a relationship doomed to become a temporary clouding of the mind and meaningless sex?

How to react if you realize that an elderly boss has fallen in love with you? How not to harm career growth and not ruin your business reputation?

What if your heart actually ready to pop out of my chest in the presence of desired man? The position and status of a lover is not a hindrance to strong feelings, but another plus. Maybe this is the guy of your dreams! Are you ready to fight for his attention and courageously win back the boss into prudent bitches who have long noticed an attractive and promising young man?

And no matter what envious female colleagues say, you are indifferent to his financial well-being. Although you perfectly understand that if a man falls in love with a full wallet and a stable income, this is much better for the chosen one than the heavenly life "with a loved one in a hut."

How do you know what the boss is experiencing, throwing a long, attentive look at the subordinate? What feelings are hidden behind the restrained manner of conversation and ostentatious indifference, or, conversely, frequent compliments and praise of the business qualities of an attractive young lady? How to distinguish a serious passion from an innocent sympathy?

Secrets of female psychology. Why do girls fall in love with their boss?

A boss's romance with subordinates is a frequent occurrence in office life. Therefore, if we discard the piquancy of the situation from the point of view of colleagues and stereotypes, it is easy to understand how a strict boss attracts the female part of the team.

Of course, such a guy has many advantages. A good position, financial security, and, therefore, will not skimp on gifts for his beloved. Success, authority, prospects and this is far from full list qualities of an enviable groom.

With such baggage, a guy does not have to have an attractive appearance. Women like courageous and restrained men, whose attention and approval still need to be earned.

Even if a person does not have innate tact, often breaks down on subordinates, goes on a shout, allows himself personal insults, in the eyes of a lady in love, this is more a manifestation of the strength and authority of an alpha male than a disadvantage. The boss is always right. Especially if the heart of a beautiful lady is ready to burst out of her chest from the familiar timbre of her voice.

Attachment and passion blinds the girl so that the secretary does not even think about caution or deep study of the desired object. She will be ready to throw herself headlong into the pool at the first call of her chosen one.

The need to obey on duty creates an aura of attractiveness, which is difficult to resist even for strong-willed young ladies who are used to making well-considered decisions. What can we say about naive and inexperienced young girls.

What do men who have office romances want?

If we exclude rare cases when the boss really fell in love with a girl, like a boy, he is ready to break off his old ties and live happy life with the very one (and this sometimes happens), then most of the stronger sex with good career growth wants to try something new, diversify their own lives, add vivid sensations.

The situation for the girl is complicated by the fact that the transition from business to personal relationships can affect her career both positively and negatively. How to understand that you are valued as a specialist, a highly qualified professional, and not as another mistress of the boss?

After all, the line between a position and a personal relationship is so blurred that it is difficult to navigate how talented and capable a young lady is professionally.

Perhaps the reason for the emotional attraction lies in the girl herself. Often, falling in love and short-term meaningless relationships hide chronic loneliness, lack of attention, romance and the desire to be attractive to a significant person.

Constant communication and the need to jointly resolve work issues, as well as common goals, overcoming difficulties, create the illusion of spiritual closeness.

Falling in love inspires, drives you crazy and sometimes pushes women to completely reckless actions. For example, a love affair with a married boss who has five children and does not want to leave his legal wife for a naive employee.

The Pros and Cons of a Boss's Passion for a Subordinate

The experience of many girls who have been in such a difficult situation shows that feelings, no matter how strong they are, burn out over time. It is worth getting to know the boss better, as disappointment will immediately knock on the door.

After all, the image of an ideal partner, which was created by the excited imagination of a lady, as a rule, has nothing to do with a real person.

An office romance is a flash of bright emotions, flirting, mutual attraction, intimacy, a certain mystery, which is stimulated by the need to hide the connection from prying eyes.

Therefore, before deciding on such a risky step, you should think carefully, weigh all the pros and cons. At first glance, such love seems like a gift of fate, a chance to make a breathtaking career in the shortest possible time and with pleasure for your beloved.

It is easier for a mistress to manipulate a gentleman, to influence the adoption of important decisions in a company. Awareness of the significance and female attractiveness for a respectable man elevates the lady in his own eyes.

It always seems better to succumb to temptation and regret it later than to resist and regret the missed opportunity. But what dangers lurk behind the guise of office romance?

Passion disappears sooner or later.

It is likely that after a stormy but short-lived romance, the boss will continue to look for ways to diversify his own life, but with the help of other young and pretty young ladies.

The disappointed secretary will be forced to watch the games of her former lover from the side and suffer in silence. If the connection between the subordinate and the boss is revealed, the young lady will have a damaged reputation, a painful conflict with the boss's wife, dirty hints, ridicule of employees, dismissal and broken dreams.

In addition, if the abandoned lady has her own family and children, an office affair can lead to frequent conflicts, outbursts of jealousy or separation from her husband.

Therefore, before giving in to passion, listen to yourself. How likely is a happy ending? What are the perspectives of the novel? Is there a possibility of development Serious relationships and do you consider the status of the boss's mistress acceptable to you? How do you see your own future?

Perhaps it is worth concentrating on work, transferring emotional stress to the benefit of the company. Passion for the boss is a signal of a crisis in family relationships and the need to work on them.

Signs of male love. What does he feel for me?

Passion manifests itself in men in different ways. Sometimes a guy hides to the last that he has fallen in love, diligently hides especially warm notes of his voice behind deliberate politeness and remoteness. The reason for this behavior should be sought in the characteristics of the character and type of temperament.

Perhaps a colleague in love is trying to keep a distance, does not want to complicate business relationships by mixing personal life with work. How to understand that the boss is not indifferent to you?

The main signs of falling in love: the guy shows a special interest in you, distinguishes you among employees, wants to know more about your life and views on the world. Shows concern, never refuses to help. He is always available for a call, and if he is busy, he will notify you in advance.

Looking after himself, trying to impress. Strive to be near, to touch the desired lady, to compliment or make you laugh.

During a conversation with a subordinate, the timbre of his voice becomes soft, enveloping, which contrasts sharply with the usual style of communication.

Sometimes the attention of a gentleman can manifest itself in caustic remarks, ridicule, and harsh criticism. This behavior is observed in insecure people who find it difficult to cope with their feelings and understand what they really want.

May show jealousy.

Psychologists say that the love of the stronger sex is different from the female idea of ​​it. A partner can feel comfortable when he lives in two families. But, at the same time, he does an excellent job with his duties and considers both women his property, not wanting to share their attention with other people.

Trembling and excitement are a sign of sexual desire, interest, but this is not love. Real feelings are not expressed in beautiful words and empty promises, but in actions. You mean a lot to him if the partner shows care, generosity, interest in your life, makes concessions, insists on living together or frequent meetings.

Such a partner will not betray the chosen one and will not allow himself negligence, rudeness, do not stoop to psychological pressure and manipulation.

How to deal with feelings?

It is necessary to accept the situation as a fact and allow yourself to experience falling in love, enjoying this inspired state. Realize that your boss is an ordinary person with a bunch of shortcomings that sooner or later appear and then you will see him in a completely different way than you imagined.

You just need to wait. Work side by side, but do not cross the boundaries of benevolent or friendly relations. Passion quickly evaporates, and an affair will not help solve your personal problems, will not heal spiritual wounds and will not relieve inner loneliness, but will only create additional difficulties.

What to do if you fall in love with a colleague? In the policy of some companies - a strict ban on office romances: such between employees often affect work, and not to say that in the best way. The presence of mutual sympathy makes it difficult to objectively evaluate the performance of one employee by another: people who are in an intimate relationship more often cover up all the shortcomings of each other. In the event that the union collapses, the matter is repeatedly complicated by mutual claims, which, one way or another, will affect the efficiency of the employee. As a rule, office romances end with the dismissal of one of the parties.

But what if there is already love? Is it worth giving this relationship a chance? Or try to cope with the feeling and keep your head cold?

Office romance: is the game worth the candle

So, a male colleague fell in love with you. And you feel the same way about him. But is the game worth the candle? Here are the arguments against an office romance:

• The company is always against it: serious firms prescribe this in documents and take a signature from the employee. Is this man worth the potential job loss?
• The novel will be in full view of the whole team. Do not think that it will be possible to keep it a secret.
• After you break up, you will have to work with your ex-lover and see him every day. Are you ready for it?
• Breakups are not always painless for all parties. Sometimes this process is very stormy, with mutual accusations, quarrels and loud showdowns. Do you need military action at work?

On the other side of the scale are potential long-term and deep relationships that may lead to marriage. Or a light pleasant affair.

So is it worth it or not? In fact, everything is possible, especially if both sides understand and accept the rules of the game: in any case, keep a good relationship and don't expose your feelings to your colleagues. Whether it succeeds or not is another question.

How to please a colleague?

So, you fell in love with a work colleague. What to do in such a situation? If there are no obstacles in order to enter into a relationship with him or her, then you should try to please the object of your sympathy:

• Start following appearance: lose a couple of kilograms, go to the hairdresser, update your wardrobe, etc.
• It is always nice to smell - today the smell of good expensive perfumes acts like pheromones on the opposite sex. And be sure to monitor the freshness of breath throughout the working day.
• Work like a real pro - confidently, without exchanging hours for empty office conversations. Everyone loves qualified professionals!
• Establish relationships with all colleagues, often smile and joke. Good feeling humor will help attract the object of sympathy.
• Pay attention to a colleague who was able to arouse a feeling of love: talk with him for at least a few minutes a day, involve him in conversations with other people, be interested in his opinion on professional issues.
• Don't push. You should not constantly be in sight of the object of sympathy. For intrigue, it is worth disappearing for a day or two.
• Praise. Lots and every day. Both men and women equally love flattery.
• Use "hot" words - "sexy", "passionate", "sensual", etc.
• Alcohol in small quantities will help alleviate the awkwardness.

Several arguments for

If you fell in love with a work colleague and started a relationship, then everything will probably be very good. There are several serious arguments in favor of an office romance, namely:

1. Most likely, the choice was made correctly. The social connections of a working person are very limited - this is a circle of old friends and colleagues. Therefore, about 15% of successful marriages begin as an office romance.
2. Now you will look great every day. The presence of a loved one at work obliges you to carefully monitor yourself, as it will turn into a mini-date.
3. Your productivity at work will increase. The presence of the second half contributes to the production of the hormone of happiness, and falling in love helps to move mountains when performing difficult tasks.
4. A secret romance aggravates relationships, makes them more sensual. Inconspicuous glances, light furtive strokes, a kiss on the run - all this will give a surge of adrenaline, and you will not want to lose this feeling.
5. There is an opportunity to confront enemies in the team - you are like secret agents working for each other and then exchanging information.
6. Mutual support at work, including professional. Often this leads to successful career growth.
7. The most transparent relationship - you will know for sure when your soulmate has a blockage at work, and when he (she) just wants to relax with friends without you.
8. Maybe the romance will develop into something more, and you will become a family. The presence of an officially registered marriage, as a rule, removes all claims from the management to the couple in love about their relationship.

But when you fall in love with a colleague and build relationships, you need to leave your soulmate time when you don’t talk about work, and don’t decide personal problems in the office.

When do you need to say “stop” to yourself?

Sometimes an office romance is impossible. You should fight falling in love with a colleague if:

• There is no reciprocity.
• Feeling badly reflects on your state - emotional and physiological.
• If you are experiencing morbid jealousy.
• In case of manic attachment to a colleague.
• If the choice is made in favor of study and career, and relationships at work will greatly interfere.

Married and married colleagues

But it often happens that the object of passion is not free and already has a family. There are different situations, but from each you can find a way out.

Fell in love with a married colleague? In fact, the presence of a husband in a woman should signal that it is not worth seeking her. But in real life everything happens a little differently. It must be confessed, but the feelings of another man are unlikely to please her. She may not feel the same way, and now she will be embarrassed to communicate with you. The option “let go and forget” suggests itself, that is, turn on your head and not break up someone else’s family. However, there is another option - to try to achieve reciprocity through long and thorough courtship. It is only necessary to understand that a girl can choose you early in the end.

What to do if you fall in love with a married colleague? In fact, the choice is still the same - either to achieve, or to let the person go. It is psychologically more difficult for women to achieve a man, but they, as a rule, stop at nothing. And the presence of a rival does not interfere at all. And again, it’s not worth judging anyone, if love is strong, then you can and should fight for it. But in the end, he may not choose you and stay with his legal wife. And here it is extremely important to refrain from revenge and maintain a normal working relationship.

If you fell in love with a female colleague, then immediately confessing your feelings to her will be a very risky step.

What if I'm married

But sometimes the relationship is hindered by the fact that you are already married. What to do if you are married and fell in love with a colleague? Or are you married but have strong feelings for a new employee?

First of all, you don’t need to lie to a colleague about your status - other employees will enlighten her about the presence of a family, and without any malicious intent. At the initial stage of sympathy, it’s not worth talking to a wife or husband about the presence of a competitor for him (her) - it’s not far from a divorce. Often, wives understand by their behavior and conversations that their husband has fallen in love with a colleague. And then there will be a serious conversation, and you will have to explain to your wife why she is worse than your new chosen one.

But sooner or later you will have to make a choice - either between a short affair at work and the potential danger of losing your family, or between an old love and a new one. Here the decision will have to be made independently, and in any case it will be difficult.

When in love with you

Did a colleague fall in love with you? What to do in a situation where he openly shows you signs of attention and expresses his sympathy in every possible way? If both of you are free and have no prejudices against office romances, and are also ready to put up with the consequences, then feel free to reciprocate.

But what if you don't want to take the risk? Or is he or you not free, and you do not want to change something in your life? Then you need to make it clear that a relationship is impossible, never and under no circumstances.

This can be hard to do, especially if you're already in love but don't want to develop further. Killing such a deep feeling as love is not easy, and psychologists recommend following the instructions step by step.

Controlling your own thoughts

If you fell in love with a work colleague, but do not want a relationship for any reason, then you should strictly control your thoughts. No dreams of how things might have been or might be, no memories of a voice, a smile and a smell, no sexual fantasies. We switch our heads to other thoughts - work, study, super-difficult tasks, interesting films and books. But not about love!

Business conversation

Switch to a business style of communication with the subject of your passion. No flirting, smiles, friendly chatter and smoke breaks together. Try to treat him (her) as an ordinary employee and communicate only on work matters. At first, it will be very difficult, and others will notice your changed attitude towards one of your colleagues. Argument this with a heavy workload - you have no time to chat and smile when there is so much work around!

Work and only work!

Get to work really, with full dedication. This will help you load your head and not think about the subject of your dreams. This will give impetus to career development, which will be good, since it did not work out with your personal life. This can eventually lead to the fact that you will see each other less often when you are transferred to a higher position.

In addition, successful and fruitful work will help you regain the favor of leadership, which was probably undermined due to low efficiency during the period of dreams about the object of passion.

Don't look for meetings

If you have fallen in love with a colleague, but are trying to get rid of this feeling, then do not look for "random" meetings. No need to go to his (her) favorite cafe for lunch, and if you have convinced yourself that you also cannot live without a particular food service, then choose another time for lunch. You do not need to go to those places where your loved one often happens, as there is a great chance of meeting him. Control your thoughts and do not allow unnecessary communication.

Self-development

Try to take all your free time and not leave a single second for empty suffering. It is best to choose activities in which you will be surrounded by other people. Start dancing, swimming, improve your English in group courses, lead an active lifestyle.

Renewing your circle of friends will help well - new friends help you forget about old hobbies.

Image change

If you fell in love with a colleague, but he did not reciprocate, then The best way raising self-esteem is radical. Just don't fall into the trap - you need to change in order to please yourself, and not your unrealized love.

Harmony of the inner world

Get your thoughts in order. You must clearly understand why this relationship is impossible, but at the same time see in this situation not the collapse of your personal life, but the potential for finding something new. Failed love often helps to realize what things are truly valuable, and correctly prioritize life.

When is the help of a psychologist needed?

In all cases, when there is a feeling of hopelessness and that there is no strength to solve the problem on your own, you should contact a psychologist. This can be done at any stage - both at the first sign of sympathy, and after the collapse of all hopes. good psychologist will not decide anything for you, but it will help you, step by step, to realize and accept decision and live with it further - happily and with the expectation of a new love.