home » I am 50 » The fourth child in the family: benefits and allowances. Is this all yours? - or - How I was expecting a fourth child Families with 4 children

The fourth child in the family: benefits and allowances. Is this all yours? - or - How I was expecting a fourth child Families with 4 children

One of the main goals of the state is to improve the demographic situation in the country. Privileges, additional benefits and other privileges provided by the state to support its citizens.

Main Aspects

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Families with many children are entitled to additional cash payments and benefits from the state. All allowances and benefits are financed from two budgets at once - federal and regional.

The authorities of each region develop special allowances, the financing of which comes from the local budget.

Large families in most cases receive payments from the regional budget. If 3 children are born in your family, then you are considered large family th.

Not only blood children are taken into account, but also adopted children, and stepchildren with stepdaughters for whom you are the guardian.

Initial concepts

The child benefit is a special material assistance from the state to families in which a new family member appears. The allowances are intended for social and material support of young parents.

The amount of benefits directly depends on the number of children in the family and their age. The procedure for payments is established at the legislative level.

The benefits that are assigned to large families are designed to save the family budget. Thanks to benefits, parents with many children can spend more Money for the upbringing of children.

The state assigns benefits and allowances in order to improve the demographic situation in the country. The amounts of regional payments in different regions of our country differ.

Where can I go for information

For more information on what benefits and benefits are due to your family, please contact:

to the body social protection population at the place of their registration;
to your employer.

Information can be obtained from legislative acts and from the Internet. But, more up-to-date information can always be obtained from employees of social protection authorities and local governments.

Legal framework

The main legislative act that regulates the payment of assistance from the state is Federal Law No. 85 “On State Benefits to Citizens with Children” dated May 19, 1995.

The decisions of local governments are taken into account. This information can be found on the official website of your city.

What do they give for 4 children in Russia in 2019

For the birth of the second, third or fourth child families are entitled to one-time and regular benefits, which are paid both at the federal and regional levels.

These include:

assistance for the fact that a woman becomes registered on early term pregnancy;
payment in connection with pregnancy and childbirth;
lump-sum payment for the birth of a child;
monthly allowance, which is paid to the mother within 3 years after the birth of the child.

Classification of assistance (allowances, benefits)

There are two types of assistance from the state for 4 children:

privileges;
benefits.

In different regions, the list of benefits is different. All because this decision is made by local governments.

The source of funding is the regional, not the federal budget. But, you can familiarize yourself with the approximate list of benefits that are due in the event of the birth or adoption of 4 children.

It looks like this:

Monthly compensation for paying utility bills for paying for housing. The amount of compensation depends on the financial situation of the family. Maximum amount set by local governments.
Monthly allowance for the use of a landline home telephone.
Compensation for the cost of school clothes is paid once a year.
Free receipt medical preparations that were prescribed by the pediatrician.
Free receipt of a set of linen for a newborn.
Free travel in public transport.
Free travel on trains and suburban transport.
Providing free textbooks.
Providing free vouchers to health resorts or children's camps.
Exemption from kindergarten fees.
Exemption from certain taxes, such as transport tax.
Possibility of early retirement (applies to mothers).
The possibility of obtaining a mortgage or ordinary loan on favorable terms.
Possibility of obtaining additional vacation days in addition to the required annual leave.

The family has the right to enjoy benefits from the state until the child is 16 years old.

Photo: regional benefits for families with children

Some benefits are valid until the age of majority (18 years), and the other part, while the child is studying at school or university.

You can find out the full list of benefits for your large family directly from the social security authorities at your place of residence. There are two types of grants:

In all regions, an allowance is accrued for the simultaneous birth of two or more children. The amount depends on the region itself, the financial condition of the family.

Design rules

Parents must apply to the social protection authority at the place of their registration. You need to have the following package of documents with you:

passports of both parents;
birth certificate of the child;
income statement of both parents;
a certificate stating that the parents are not registered with the employment center and do not receive any benefits;
a certificate from work stating that the parents did not receive any benefits from work or social security.

A prerequisite is the registration of the mother and child in the region in which the allowance is planned to be issued.

You will need to provide a certificate stating that parents and children really live together in the same housing area.

At the social protection authority, you will need to write a standard application for and. A sample application must be provided by an employee of a government agency.

If you received maternity capital from the state

Maternity capital is a large financial assistance from the state for the birth of a child. On this moment time it can be received by every family in which a child has appeared.

The amount of the allowance is 453,000 rubles. The amount is paid in a lump sum. It can be used to improve living conditions, the purchase of new real estate and for other purposes.

Maternity capital is issued once. That is, you can get it only for one child. For registration, you must include required documents to the social security authorities.

Receiving maternity capital does not affect other lump-sum or monthly payments from the state.

How much will they pay (amount)

Lump sum payments do not depend on the number of children and are paid immediately after childbirth or before them. The name of the payment and the amount are presented in the table below:

A mother with many children has the right to receive a monthly allowance for the fourth child. For the birth of an only child, the state pays 2,718 rubles.

If the child is not the first, then twice as much is allocated from the local budget and amounts to 5436 rubles per month.

What to look out for

When applying for all benefits and benefits, you must pay attention to the following aspects:

Have all the information about possible benefits and benefits been conveyed to you by employees of the social protection authorities	To do this, it is enough to study all necessary information on the Internet and several times to consult with various experts
Amounts you are entitled to	You can always find up-to-date amounts of benefits on the Internet. Some benefits are indexed each year.
For the required package of documents	As a rule, it is standard for registration of all benefits. But, in the case of applying for benefits, additional paperwork may be required to confirm that you are eligible for benefits.

Registration procedure child benefit and benefits in the case of the birth of 4 children is no different from the one that you went through in the case of the second or third child.

At the birth of 4 children, the family can count on receiving additional cash benefits and benefits.

Families with many children have special privileges in our country, as the state takes care of improving the demographic situation in the country.

All your rights to financial assistance from the state, as well as to benefits for large families, can be found in the social protection authorities.

There you can also apply for financial assistance and apply for benefits.

Video: benefits for children with disabilities. Rights and benefits for parents of children with disabilities

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Apartment 98 m, for a family with four children! The task was to make a functional and stylish interior, in the style of modern classics with bright colors, cozy and unusual, where each of the family members has their own personal space, as well as the opportunity for the family to receive guests.

Of course, children are happiness and God's gift, but in Lately many people approach the issue of replenishment in their family very rationally. After all, to maintain and educate even one child today is quite expensive. Yes, of course, our grandparents also gave birth to a much larger number of children (from 5 or more) and tried to raise everyone with dignity, as they say "in cramped quarters, but not offended." But now the times are completely different and the upbringing is different, modern children have become much more cruel. And if a child from a large family, for example, comes to school with an old or not fashionable briefcase, at best they will ridicule him and begin to constantly make fun of him.

Doubts and prejudices

The opinion of others about the addition to families where there are already at least two or three children is divided into two camps.

Some are ardent opponents of large families, who argue that with the increase in the number of children, their “quality” suffers too much. This affects both training and the quality of clothing, toys, as well as additional developmental circles and sections. After all, when there are many children, it is only occasionally possible to fully satisfy all the needs of their children and surround them with the best, because, as a rule, parents begin to save a lot on a lot.

Other more optimistic people, on the contrary, encourage and argue that children who grow up in a large family, even if they experience some hardship, grow up less selfish and demanding of their parents. Because they are always ready to help close person and for them moral principles are much more important than material wealth.

So is it worth paying attention to someone else's opinion? After all, this is your life and your responsibility for your own children. Of course, every mother who is about to give birth always has doubts and fears about whether the family budget and living space will be enough for everyone, as well as where to find the strength and help to raise all the children. These experiences are not in vain, but they should be discussed only with close people. Although it often happens that even relatives and grandparents doubt the need for a fourth grandson or granddaughter. Therefore, the circle narrows to just making a responsible decision only between husband and wife.

There is not much happiness

Just think for a second what happiness parents deprive themselves of by refusing to own child and it doesn't matter what it will be in the account. All children are different in intelligence and character. It is possible that their future baby will be a very talented and outstanding person.

The financial side of the issue, which so scares many, fades into the background. No wonder they say "God sent a child - he will send a child." Still, children grow up very quickly, and while the family decides to give birth to another one, older children will grow up and become independent. There are many examples in life when in a family with big amount children, very gifted people were born, and even difficulties and lack of finances did not interfere with their success.

Yuri Gagarin. There were four children in his family, he was the third oldest. His fate was not easy, but despite this, he graduated with honors from an evening school and entered an industrial technical school, and then became a first-class pilot. Yuri Gagarin independently wrote a report on the request to enroll him as a cosmonaut. And not in vain, the whole country is still proud of his feat.
Dmitri Ivanovich Mendeleev. He was born into a family of SEVENTEEN children and was the most youngest child. His father was the director of the local gymnasium. But due to loss of vision, he lost his position when Dmitri Mendeleev was only a year old. Their family had to lose their apartment because of this. All responsibility for the future of the family fell on the fragile shoulders of Dmitry Ivanovich's mother. With no work experience, she managed to learn perfectly how to manage a small glass factory, which, thanks to her, avoided bankruptcy. Moreover, with her help, a school for peasant children and a church were built. She was also able to find money to treat her husband to restore his sight. Dmitry Ivanovich in his writings mentioned a lot about deep respect for his mother and gratitude for her successful destiny in science. After all, she always took care of her children, who received a very good education.

According to many mothers who nevertheless decided to have a fourth child, when the baby appears, older children become very close. Because caring for the baby unites them. They grow up faster, learn independence and become on a par with their parents, because they see how much dad and mom do for them and try to help.

There are families with one child, where, unfortunately, the parents do not give him proper spiritual and moral education. And if the family has many children, but is ready to bring up in the child all the most worthy qualities that a person should have, then you should not listen to the mediocre opinions of others. The main thing is that parents themselves feel the strength and desire to give their child all the best, not only materially, but also morally.

With the advent of children, our life becomes ... not quite ours. We begin to live more meaningfully and correctly, we become serious and caring. Someone completely devotes himself to household chores, while forgetting about himself, his husband and the rest of the world. Someone gets used to the role of a mother so much that, having raised a child, she continues to patronize him endlessly.

I want to do two things. The first is to dispel the myth that a child is born only to be taken care of, fed, treated and taught. You need to let him be himself, with only a little guidance and help until a certain time. And our unfulfilled dreams (I didn’t become a figure skater - let my daughter become) should be left alone.

And second: to show that being a mother is not “horror, I can’t cope with one thing,” but great happiness! Of course, you need to work hard, organize yourself and always be in good shape. But happiness is worth it. Of this I am sure.

I want to help you gain self-confidence, be an energetic, slim, athletic mom. Become an example for your children in everything, learn to be their closest friend and at the same time observe the line that should be present between children and parents. That is, respect has not been canceled! In general, I am a supporter of the regime and discipline, but combined with my mother's love and affection. Something like this.

Four children: why and how we cope

I am a financial professional by education. A few years ago, I skipped up the career ladder of one of the banks, not imagining such an unexpected twist of fate and not planning to give birth to four at all. But! I always wanted to have children, even long before marriage. And definitely not one. In addition, I am an ardent opponent of abortion, so even now, I do not promise the future.

Where to start ... I'll start from the end, that is, from the present. Now we have two sons, 9 and 6 years old, and two one and a half year old twin daughters. Say a lot? No. Paradoxically, with the advent of girls, my husband and I clearly understood: there are never many children!

I will answer any questions right away.

Yes, we are believers, but in moderation (that is, completely ordinary people who try to live in such a way that they are not ashamed), not to such an extent that faith covers everything around, including domestic and financial conditions, and families live ten of us for 50 sq. m.

No, we are not going to give birth indefinitely and “produce poverty”, but by virtue of our capabilities we want to raise and raise children with dignity.

Interesting fact. Most people, when they meet our family or come to visit us, the first thing they ask is how I cope. Apparently, having four children suggests something incredible. But after a while they say: in the process of communication, it seems to them that coping with children is so easy that they would not mind having four! Why? You will find the answers right now.

In order to establish a more or less decent existence of our "modest" family ( financial side we don’t take the question into account, we proceed from the budget of an average family), we need, in my experience, the following conditions.

Mode or daily routine

This point is the first and perhaps the most important. It doesn't matter how many children you currently have. If you get used to the one-child regimen, then with the arrival of new children, it will be much easier for you to organize yourself.

For example, our schedule during the holidays is as follows:

7:00-7:15 wake up, then morning procedures, breakfast preparation.

8:00-8:30 breakfast.

Then football training for older children, and for kids - free time.

10:00-12:00 kids sleep outside, the boys at this time return from training and ... eat again

Small ones come back from the street and also eat.

After dinner, everyone can play together.

At 15 o'clock the boys sit down for lessons (yes, for the lessons during the holidays), and the little ones play by themselves in the arena or with adults.

After 4 p.m. we put our daughters to bed again, but if it's hot, then not on the street, but at home, and the guys have a pool at that time. Before the pool and sleep, everyone can have a snack again.

We return home after swimming at about 17:30, rest, eat again, take the girls and go for a walk all together at 19:00. We walk until 20:30, and then water procedures and lights out at 21:00.

During study, the regimen of schoolchildren, of course, changes. In babies, it changes as they grow: for example, there is a transition to one daytime sleep. But regardless of the season, we always adhere to it, thanks to which it is not difficult for us, for example, to do homework during the holidays or go to bed at the same time.

Plus, I forbid boys from things like climbing the fridge for food, eating sweets whenever they feel like it. And it works, although sometimes I have to repeat something more than one (ten) times.

By the way, we have not recently had a TV at home, and children simply do not have phones (tablets, game consoles). But they have the attention of their parents, a lot of books and board games, all kinds of transport (scooters, bicycles, strollers, etc.) and complete freedom on walks.

Au pair

It can be a nanny, a visiting housekeeper, and a grandmother. This component, as a rule, involves additional costs (in the case of a grandmother, more moral than material), but it's worth it. Do not think that I am completely helpless and cannot wash, clean, cook on my own. It's not about that. I can and, to be honest, I do it quite often, or rather constantly. But! If you save on this item, then you will not see the next item as your ears!

Our strength ends sooner or later, and health after childbirth, sleepless nights and childhood illnesses too. If someone can really help you, just accept this help. Believe me, you will definitely find where to apply your strength and energy if at the moment someone is washing the floor instead of you. Older children also need attention and care, not to mention a husband.

Time for yourself, that is, personal freedom

Oddly enough, a mother of many children (like any mother) is also a person, and she wants to periodically have her own personal time. This point is no less serious than the previous ones, and failure to comply with it leads to serious psychological difficulties or health problems.

Imagine that any ordinary person works with days off, but you do not. And then the lack of even a couple of hours of personal time every day can bring you to the limit. Your personal time should be put to good use. For example, I want to go in for dancing or sports 2-3 times a week. Just at this time, the boys start their evening football practice in the hall, to which I take them, and the girls play at home and get ready for bed with the nanny. So I immediately get both pleasure and an additional charge of energy, and, it seems to me, my body is happy about it. On other days, I can run in the park early in the morning after taking the kids to school. I don’t spend my personal time going to restaurants and shopping. I'm not interested. If there is an opportunity and children in their beds, I prefer a book, a movie, or anything else that is educational or for the soul. Husband too.

Multicooker, clothes dryer and other helpers

This point does not make sense to describe in detail. Suffice it to say that the presence of such things in the house will significantly save your time and make life easier.

Homeopathy, home quartz and hardening

I hate to get sick, to heal, to be treated, and when children get sick, it’s generally a disaster for big family. What can I say, and for the little one too, on a different scale, really. Therefore, I have taken the position “prevention is better than cure”, and I try to follow it ...

A little about the use of quartz at home. I have the most common OUFB-04 (ultraviolet bactericidal irradiator) "Sun", Russian production. The optimum ratio of price and quality. We usually use it at home during periods of seasonal exacerbation of SARS. Just turn on the lamp for a few minutes 1-2 times during the day, 15-30 minutes per 15-30 sq. m according to the instructions. Quartz is especially good, if someone has already “brought” a virus home, you can immediately destroy it. We also use it with the whole family in the treatment of ENT organs with the help of special nozzles.

At one time, when the children were very young, she was my only salvation. Many people are skeptical about homeopathy, but for myself I realized: it is safe, and it really helps! This is especially true for infants, when the mother's heart shrinks from the fact that the child needs to be given a pharmacy medicine that both heals and cripples at the same time ... With the help of homeopathy, we got rid of dysbacteriosis, rashes, SARS, carried out the prevention of colds, used it for neurological symptoms and to reduce pain during teething, and even cured my allergies during pregnancy.

After unsuccessful attempts to "treat" diathesis in the eldest son traditional methods I miraculously found a homeopathic doctor and entrusted my child to him. As a child, I myself had a similar problem with diathesis. Therefore, I remember my condition very well - constant medicines, ointments, hospitals ... Nothing helped - until my grandmother took me to the village and began to treat me with herbs, feed me with natural homemade products. Gradually everything passed. This memory led me to the idea of homeopathy.

The most important thing is to believe in this method (of course, having previously studied its essence), find a good specialist and be patient, since the treatment can be quite lengthy. Duration is perhaps the only negative. As a rule, the prices for the services of homeopaths are not higher than the prices for the services of doctors in paid clinics. And the products themselves are much cheaper than pharmaceutical tablets. And best of all, the kids love it, so you don't have to force them to take the pellets.

When it comes to hardening, the easiest thing you can start with is alternating between warm and cool water while bathing. The kids are excited about this! Douse them several times and finish with cool water. Gradually, the temperature of warm water can be increased, and the temperature of cold water can be reduced. We and our children are all tempered, the elders are already doing it on their own. By the way, we don't wear woolen socks in winter and in general we try to dress in a way that is comfortable, without burdening ourselves with a useless mass of jackets and pants.

Compliance with these simple rules greatly facilitates the life of the mother and reduces labor costs for the maintenance of the family. Good luck everyone!

To be continued.

Personal experience

Mother of four children Elena Kucherenko describes her adventures in the “best” domestic maternity hospital. But everything experienced there does not prevent her from dreaming of a fifth child.

Our fourth daughter was born. A few days ago. And here we are at home. We lie with her on the couch, we communicate.

She looks at me (or "through me") with her "deep" little eyes and makes faces. He frowns, wrinkles his nose, folds his lips into a tube, and then suddenly begins to smile insidiously with one half of his mouth. And I tell her how I was waiting for her and how much I love her ... How three older sisters prepared for her appearance ... How dad cleaned the room well and prepared everything. And how he prayed in the temple all the time while I was giving birth.

And to be honest, I even cry - from happiness. Still, newborns are very disposed to sentimentality. And I can’t imagine that just a week ago we didn’t have this funny “gnome-shaped” crumb ...

Indecent pregnancy

This pregnancy was different than before.

It began with the fact that when our third, Dunyasha, was a little over one and a half years old, my “large” enthusiasm evaporated somewhere. And I, probably, for the first time in years, thought: “Well, no more children are needed yet. Let's rest…”

And then she got pregnant. The husband was pleased. I'm not very. And my mother (a man of iron Soviet hardening) on nervous grounds giggled for several days and kept repeating: “You will give birth to a fifth!”

At the appointment with the gynecologist, I dressed up as if for a holiday: I put on perfume, dressed up and did my hair. To show that I am young, pretty and generally in great shape. And not "for the hundred and fifty-seventh time old-bearing, shabby and sleepy." So that the doctor does not ruffle my already affected nerves with lamentations about large families.

"Are you pregnant again? my beautiful gynecologist asked. - Good job!"

My confusion soon passed. I felt ashamed that I did not want this baby, who understands everything and feels everything. From time to time, I asked for forgiveness from my stomach for this and, in joyful anticipation, sorted through the mountains of children's things that were left from the older girls ...

Familiar news of the pregnancy was perceived ambiguously.

Many were happy for us, someone looked like we were crazy, and someone with an unquestionable apocalyptic intonation in his voice began to feel sorry for our "poor, unfortunate dad."

In previous times, I wore my stomach like an order, sticking it out in every possible way and from the first day of the delay, putting on sundresses for pregnant women. Now I have the impression that I did something indecent.

With three (or two and with a stomach), someone, of course, looked askance, but not so much that it would be too much. Still, it's not much at all. And the fourth belly is not out of the ordinary. Among my acquaintances there are families with six or seven children.

But, perhaps, because of my, to put it mildly, modest size, it seemed that there were much more children and bellies than there really are. And from some moment I began to catch on myself very active puzzled, and sometimes indignant glances. Separate individuals stared as if I were walking naked along Red Square.

"Is this all yours?" a fashionable woman with three no less fashionable poodles once asked sternly. "Yes, mine." "And will you give birth?" she asked squeamishly, looking sideways at my belly. "And what?" I started to boil. “Nothing,” the dog lady twitched her shoulders. “It’s just not normal, so many children.” “Is it normal to have so many dogs?” I snapped.

At that moment, my two-year-old Dunyasha, making hooligan sounds, began to show her tongue to one of the poodles. “You see! the lady said triumphantly. “Children are evil, but dogs are kind!” And she began to console the poodle offended by her daughter ...

A look from under blue eyebrows

"Oh my God!"; “She is also pregnant!”; “They also need to grow up!”; "Sectarians"; "Maniacs!"; “Oh, look, look!”, “But what a small one herself ... How does she even give birth to them?” - I heard from time to time behind my back.

I understand that this sounds insanity, but according to my observations, the most aggressive-minded to having many children turned out to be ... short-haired old women with pencil eyebrows in capri pants. I do not claim that they are all like that, but in my case, such ladies - it was a diagnosis.

They approached, often said: “This, of course, is not our business,” and immediately began to lament about the hardships of life, the cruelty of the modern world and that children are an expensive pleasure. And they always told some blood-curdling story about a dysfunctional large family, where “drunken up drunken” silly children delve into the garbage and from infancy smoke and “smoke”.

“Here we have one granddaughter (grandson) for all grandparents. Oh so wonderful. Ropes of us viet. Almost like her - she screams, stomps her feet, fights ... Fire, not a child! And we are jumping around, pleasing .. What to do?!?

At the same time, the ladies in capris meticulously studied me and even seemed to sniff, hoping to catch notes of cheap vodka in my breath (after all, so many children don’t close up on a sober head). And one, bashfully lowering her eyes, whimsically “decorated” with bright blue shadows and for some reason the same blue painted eyebrows, asked “are my husband and I aware that there are modern, safe and even useful contraceptives” ...

In general, many people, not only “symptomatic” old women, entered into conversations. And I already knew exactly what they would ask. Most FAQ: “All of yours?”, “How are you doing?” and “Are you bored? You also need to live for yourself ... "

They are followed by: “And what does your husband work for?” Someone even timidly wonders if he is an oligarch? However, when they didn’t see diamond inlay either on the wheels of our inexpensive scooters or anywhere else, they confidently said: “You must have fucked the state well ...”

After long explanations of what and how we receive from the state, they looked at me as if I were mentally ill. But wanting to somehow justify my stupidity, they said: “Ahhh ... You have only girls. Clear! Dad wants a boy! And they did not believe that dad, in fact, did not care. That he is not a maniac who will brutally torture me until the long-awaited HEIR appears, even if he is the fifteenth or twenty-first in a row ...

... And the ultrasound showed that we have a girl again. “And what will your husband do now?” they started asking me. I didn't know how to answer. What should he do? Hang yourself? Get a divorce? Go to a monastery?

Dad just laughed ... However, soon after I left the hospital, he said: “So, stop! The next one is Petechka.

Bouquet of dill and washing powder

I have never had such a hard time getting pregnant. I could hardly drag my legs, fell into hibernation wherever I stopped, and everything annoyed me. Even myself. Periodically waking up, I "barking" rushed at those who were nearby, and again turned off.

Then it passed, and by the fifth month I began a frenzied physical activity. With a complete shutdown of the brain.

If in my first pregnancy I was afraid to move, then in the fourth I cut through the skating rink.

In the eighth month, we went to Optina Pustyn, where we lived in completely Spartan conditions with outdoor amenities, washed ourselves “in nature” and picked strawberries. Well, they prayed, of course. As a result, a wasp stung me in the stomach. And there I picked up a tick for the first time in my life. I was terribly frightened (encephalitis, borreliosis), but consoled myself with the fact that in Optina Hermitage everything is fertile, even ticks and wasps. Cost…

And then the dill began! Right there in Optina.

Before that, there were no “pregnant jokes” for me. And I looked at other pot-bellied ladies with “twists” like fried salted strawberries, as if they were simulators.

But one fateful day, I was walking around the courtyard of our “near monastery” house, where for many years we have been renting a room every time we visit. Passing by a dill patch, to which I had always been more than indifferent, I was dumbfounded. I drooled, and I was surprised to realize that if we don’t eat this green, fresh juicy, fragrant, delicious, etc. and so on. grass, something terrible will happen.

By the time we left, the dill patch was almost two-thirds bald. I don’t know if the owners (grandparents) noticed this, but they were tactfully silent. And even invited to come more. And I was ashamed to admit to the old people that I so brazenly grazed in their garden.

Until the end of pregnancy, dill became my obsession. I ate it in bunches, sometimes right at the market stall where I had just bought it. “Poor you, poor,” the saleswoman told me. - Other pregnant herring, chocolate. And she…"

I dreamed about him at home, on a walk, in church during a service. And once, when my husband did something nice for me and gave me a wonderful bouquet, I, smiling gratefully to him, caught myself thinking: “What beautiful flowers. The only pity is that this is not a bouquet of dill ... "

In parallel began washing powder.

Once we went to Auchan to buy everything before the baby arrives. Running around the store, I ended up in the department household chemicals. I took a deep breath and realized that I was GOOD here!

I enthusiastically wandered between dishwashing liquids, anti-grease sprays, toilet cleaners, etc., sniffing everything and could not stop. But most of all I was “hooked” by the Tide washing powder. And not anyhow, but "White Clouds".

Now at home I was maniacally chewing dill, sniffing it with Tide. And she drove away the obsessive thought of pouring water into the bath, pouring powder and making a “swim”. Having learned about this, our godfather-deacon (and part-time psychologist, who works, in particular, with drug addicts) invited me to an appointment.

By the end of my pregnancy, something happened to my sense of smell, and, in addition to "Tide", I "got crazy" from all kinds of bleach, "Sifov" and "Mr. Muscles" ... And as often as possible I scrubbed the floors and a bath with a toilet with "Comet" . Not because I am such a worker, but to inhale the "precious" vapors.

And I also became wildly annoyed by all my creams and hygiene products with “vanilla”, “strawberry”, “chocolate”, etc. I could only wash with two things: a harsh male shower gel called "Thunderstorm" and smelly tar soap. For me it was better than any perfume. I don't know about others...

“But you want to live so much, guys ...»

I was the most daring (if you can call me green for fear) when I gave birth to the eldest, Varvara. Probably because I still didn’t quite understand how it was ...

And the fourth time, I didn't even panic. I went crazy! It started shortly before the birth. First, I was told that the child is large for me. And I was sure that I would definitely have a caesarean, because I myself would not give birth. And this is “shame and disgrace” - to give birth to three children and let them “reproach” you on the fourth ...

“But, on the other hand, it would be better, of course, caesarnuli,” I thought further. - The main thing is to have time. And then this one will go big baby, get stuck (and he will definitely get stuck, it cannot be otherwise), suffocate and die. I will die too. And everyone will die of grief. Husband - okay, he’ll cry and go to the monastery (he just recently said that if I hadn’t formed in his way at one time, he would now be somewhere in our beloved Optina Pustyn) ... But the older children are definitely won't survive..."

The situation was further aggravated by the fact that I eventually overdid it. By the end of my pregnancy, everything that was possible hurt me, I could neither eat, nor sleep, nor sit, nor stand. I felt like an old half-dead elephant, and it seemed to me that I would never give birth.

Every night I told my husband, “Oh! Oh! Enough! Let's go tonight for sure." And in the morning I woke up safely in my bed and began to feel my stomach, checking if I had overslept my own birth. And I didn’t know whether to regret that I still didn’t suffer, or to rejoice that the Lord mercifully gave me one more day of life.

In general, it was a disgusting state, when you can no longer wear it and you are afraid to give birth.

Church old women (and not only old women) who knew about my hysteria, blamed me for my unbelief, lack of faith, cowardice, grumbling and all sorts of other similar sins. And they consoled that “even if you, the servant of God Elena, really die, then everything is the will of the Lord, and you need to accept it with joy.” Of course, I knew they were right. But "with joy" somehow did not work.

The maternity hospital, where our third child, Dunyashka, was born, and where the doctors simply won me over, was closed for washing. And I had to decide where to go "to die in childbirth."

Every evening, scrupulously telling my husband who came home from work how bad, scared I am, what problems, where it hurts, where it pulls, how sick, what vomits, etc., I began to figure out aloud:

“Masha gave birth there, everything went well, but Klava complained .... No, we will not go there ... And in this I was already with Sonya. More - no, no. Although Tanya, for example, is happy with everything there. And there are also chic pies in the buffet ... Or maybe that one? No... They brought some dirty tricks to Marina and ripped off some more money immeasurably... Well, why is mine at the car wash? This is a bad sign! I'm never lucky!"

As a result, we chose a very old and very good maternity hospital, where many of our friends visited, and about which we heard only excellent reviews. Even the doctor who took care of my pregnancy (the last three, to be exact) said that the staff there are amazing, super professional and terribly friendly. And I secretly hoped that these amazing doctors would save me, at least at the very last minute.

Terribly friendly staff

At two o'clock in the morning from August 13 to 14, my waters broke, I woke up my husband, and we began to get ready. While my husband was making coffee for himself, on a nervous basis I began to paint my nails - to die, so beautiful.

We arrived at the maternity hospital with “terribly friendly staff” at 5 in the morning. No contract, no agreement. As "ordinary" citizens, believing that "there are all amazing brigades."

“What kind of birth?” the young nurse asked me sleepily. "Fourths!" "What a nightmare!" - she said.

Having arranged everything and dressed me in a hospital outfit that was 7 sizes larger than mine (but there’s nothing to blame on the mirror if my face is crooked. I had to eat more carrots, as one doctor once told me), a sleepy nurse called the same sleepy one " enema."

“Look, she’s in her fourth birth!” she told her. "Damn! - "terribly friendly," she answered. - Well, why are we sitting? We got up - let's go "...

After the necessary procedures, I was sent to actually give birth.

The doctor I was taken to was filling out some paperwork for about half an hour and during that time did not even look at me. And then he left somewhere.

"Are you giving birth?" - Asked another 10 minutes later, a nurse running past. “No, you are not,” I thought to myself. - I just always walk past maternity hospitals at night. So I decided to come and see what you are doing here.

“Actually, yes,” I replied. “Why are we sitting so quietly and modestly?” the nurse was surprised. "I can yell! .."

After some time, a new doctor came. "What kind?" she asked. "Fourth". "Damn! (this is apparently their scary-friendly greeting). Why are you silent?! Quickly on the chair! It was about seven.

Finally “having studied” me, the doctor promised to give me an epidural anesthesia at half past eight in the morning, and disappeared ...

“Fighting” with contractions, I wandered along the corridor of the prenatal ward past the “boxes” (they are allowed there) and looked at other women in labor.

“I'm in pain! Do you understand?! If you don’t do anything right now, I’ll throw myself out the window, ”shouted a very impulsive and stylish“ mommy ”in tattoos. “Yes, rush, what a problem,” an elderly nurse grumbled in the corridor. "You'll give birth sooner."

“I’m all numb, I’m dying,” moaned another “martyr” from another box (in which I theoretically lay). I approached, the girl, she really was of some strange bluish color and in a semi-conscious state.

In the corridor, a group in white coats was conferring about something. "I'm sorry," I called out to them between my own contractions. The girl is bad. He says he's dying." Nobody paid any attention to me. I repeated my speech. "It's okay," one of them waved his hand. And you don't wander around here. Lie down too."

“Yeah, right now! - flashed through my head. So that I too ... I’d better wander around. ”

“Aaaaaah…” A heart-rending cry was heard from somewhere. - All! This is the end!" … The "Robes" continued to talk imperturbably. And the grouchy nurse, again passing by, muttered optimistically: “I was dreaming. This is just the beginning."

In general, I clearly understood that: 1) I really am the quietest here (so far); 2) if I am destined to end my earthly journey somewhere, then it is here, in this “beautiful” maternity hospital, where everyone rushes out of the windows and “dies like flies.”

“Look what he’s doing,” the nurse grumbled again, returning, “the theater of one actor.” "What is it?" - Finally, the talking Aesculapius became interested in women in labor. “Yes, the one that rushed out of the window fell to the floor and rolls around. Can I lie next to me? No, the pants are white.

I couldn't resist and went to look. The girl in tattoos really was lying on the floor and “shewed” our medicine for what the world is worth ...

… A half past eight. I went to the doctors (more precisely, I had already crawled). “Sorry, they promised to anesthetize me at that time.” They looked at each other and smiled.

"Who promised?" “Nuuuu, such a doctor ... In a white coat,” I explained. “Yes, this is a distinctive sign,” they agreed. - In general, take heart. You have been deceived. At nine we have a shift change, so at 8:30 no anesthesiologist will do anything to you. He will leave, who will be responsible for you?

“Aaah. Oooooh, ”I started another fight. “Just don’t need insinuations,” one of the “robes” raised his voice. - What births? Fourth? Moreover ... Behave with dignity! The shift change will end, you will be anesthetized ”... I crawled away ...

Half past nine… The shift change is over. “They promised to anesthetize me,” I turned to the doctors. “We have a conference, everything later!” - They waved at me and went somewhere in a crowd.

“Don’t distract people, you see, they have things to do,” the grumpy nurse told me sternly. "And when will they return?" “Who knows,” she shrugged. - Maybe in fifteen minutes, maybe in an hour ... And let's go, go from the aisle, there's nothing to stand here like cancer "... I crawled ...

Due to the conference, two midwives remained for several women in labor.

“I have attempts, I’m giving birth,” a girl in tattoos suddenly shouted from a neighboring box, who threatened to jump out of the window, and then lay on the floor.

“Everyone gives birth here,” the midwives giggled, who at that time were discussing zucchini from their country gardens in the corridor (and I moved there in all sorts of poses). - So! Don't yell! First, we will accept from your neighbor, then from you. See everyone at the conference?

“Yes, my head is already sticking out between my legs! the girl yelled (an untranslatable pun followed). “What should I do, take birth at my own place?!”

I was just in front of her room. The girl was sitting on a chair (special with a hole), and she, indeed, already showed the baby's head. "Damn! the midwives yelled back. - True, she gives birth! And throwing "mommy" on the bed, they immediately picked up the "flying" child in the prenatal room.

“What a pancake, then a pancake,” flashed through me. "They'll definitely ruin it." But then everyone came from the conference, including the long-awaited anesthetist, and they gave me the promised epidural. For some reason, she only anesthetized only one half. “Nothing, it happens,” the doctors answered my complaints ...

In general, on that day, something did not work out in “the most beautiful maternity hospital.”

A little about the most important

But it was August 14, the beginning of the Dormition Fast, and in our Church of the Archangel Michael in Troparevo there was also a patronal feast, which meant two liturgies. And our dad, after he took me, immediately went there to altar.

He sent me a message that all the priests are praying for us, all the parishioners I know, the church staff. Church "aunts" then told how they experienced. And immediately, as soon as my husband announced to them that he had taken me, they began to read the Gospel.

Vadim also posted a message on the Internet. I later discovered with joy how much good people remembered me. And this prayerful support was very felt, really.

Despite all the shift changes, conferences, "terribly friendly staff", everything went well for me. It was the easiest delivery of all four. And the most painless. And this despite the fact that my daughter weighed 3600, and they told me that I myself did not give birth to more than 3 kg (before that I had 2460, 3050 and 2870).

I remember how during the attempts the midwife shouted to me: “Just don’t push, in no case do not push (those who gave birth understand what it means not to push on attempts). You will break all! Shoulders stuck! Don't push, you'll break your child's shoulders!" And I tried not to push.

But in the end there was not a single gap or cut. And the daughter's shoulders are in place. God bless!

In general, our Russian maternity hospital with its “bells and whistles” did not “stop” against conciliar prayer. If the Lord wants everything to be normal, it will be. Despite external circumstances.

And, perhaps, the circumstances were not the worst, you just need to hysteria less - fear has big eyes. And rely more on God. And you know, next time I will go to this maternity hospital again ... Probably .... We've only heard of him. good feedback. Maybe the stars just didn't align that day. Or something didn’t fit in my head - all pregnant women are so nervous!

... True, the next day, already in the postpartum ward, I could hardly get out of bed, because my head hurt in the wildest way. The doctors I contacted said: “This is normal,” and when asked to give at least a tablet of analgin, they said: “We don’t have analgin in the maternity hospital, it’s not the right profile.”

Only on the third day, when we were already sent home, the midwife who looked at me, and to whom I also complained of a headache, was very surprised that I had been silent until now. “Yes, I told everyone,” I protested.

She called the anesthesiologist, it turned out that this was a complication after the epidural, and they began to give me some kind of injections. And they offered to stay another day - just in case. “No way,” I replied. "What, you didn't like us?" asked this last midwife, very friendly indeed.

***

P.S. Now Antonina (as we named our daughter) is already more than two weeks old. I wrote this story of mine with one finger on the phone, at the moments when I fed her, so the process took more than one day. We settled in at home and even baptized and communed her… In general, life goes on as usual.

I am often asked if I get tired, is it difficult for me? I don’t know… Maybe I’m getting tired, but for me nothing has changed dramatically. I have been living in this rhythm for many years, and I like it. In fact, it's a shame to be tired when there are families with ten children. Yes, I have many helpers.

In general, there is almost no difference between three and four children. Except for the fact that there are much more nerves (but here you really need to learn to cope with yourself), but there is also many times more joy and love.

I do exactly as much as I did. And I don't do as much. The main thing is not to get hung up.

Well, yes, I can pop shaving foam on my head instead of varnish when frantically going for a walk with the children. But with my eldest daughter, I once forgot to put on a skirt on the street ... I can drip motherwort into Sonya's milk instead of propolis. But from the first, I myself drank this motherwort in cups, because it seemed to me that life had turned into a madhouse ... Looking for Tonya's nipple, I can find it in Dunya's mouth. And asking Sonya to take the diapers to the laundry, find them in the trash can ... But the world did not collapse from this ...

They ask me if I'm sure it's mine. Yes I'm sure. Of course, I did not have a brilliant career, like many of my acquaintances. I don't develop professionally. And I don't make a lot of money. I'm just a housewife. But being a mom is more important to me, really. And now I feel that in my life comes FULLNESS. On the other hand, children are not a hindrance to self-realization and creativity, but rather a stimulus. And at home you can do a lot, you just need to want.

And I don't have much time to "live for myself." But I don't want that. Because “living for yourself” is loneliness. And there is nothing worse...

... My husband, by the way, says that having “reborned”, I became too active, I try to lead everyone and control everything.

“And what a good pregnant woman you were,” he recalls nostalgically, “taking care of yourself, your stomach, your nausea, the fact that everything hurt you ... Yes! For peace in the family, you definitely need a BURDEN "...

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