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Teenage love. A teenager in love - what to do with it? Advice for parents on how to deal with a teenager in love

DatsoPic 2.0 2009 by Andrey Datso

A sixteen-year-old teenager is the most difficult test for parents. It was this age that defined the term "difficult" as applied to adolescents in general.
All the antagonistic contradictions and complexities of adolescence pour out at this time as if from a cornucopia. Just have time to “lay straws” at the same time, so that those whom parents consider to be still children do not fill too many cones.

However, according to many professionals who experienced this difficult period of their lives in their time, the difficulty of this age is due, first of all, to the fact that it is difficult for a teenager himself to fit his new dimensions (and not only physical parameters) into the world.

It is incredibly difficult for sixteen-year-olds to come to terms with themselves in a new capacity: no longer a child, but also not quite an adult.

The following characteristic features of 16-year-olds are distinguished:
- at the level of self-consciousness, their worldview is being actively formed, while the stable “concept of selfhood” is already fully formed, as a result of which the assessments of the surrounding 16-year-olds are of little concern;
- in terms of cognitive activity, professional interests begin to form at this age, skills for managing other people appear up to provocations;
- there is a growing need for a cohesive team of people united common interests, it is for this age that cases of mass demonstrations and actions against anything are characteristic;
- the authority of parents is reduced to a minimum, and not through the fault of adults, but as a result of certain processes that occur with adolescents precisely at the age of 16;
- the formation of sexuality and one's own views on the problems associated with these, reaches its final stage;
- the only positive for parents: teenagers at the age of 16 become more balanced emotionally, their actions are more consistent and not as impulsive as before.
So, the main problems and difficulties are listed. It remains only to decide how to overcome these problems with the least losses for both sides.
The simplest and most effective tool that helps in this situation is keeping a diary.
In this cherished notebook, a teenager often writes down everything that happens to him, and in the future he has the opportunity to analyze all this information, moving it away from himself at some distance in time. Often this method helps to see your own mistakes and not repeat them in the future.
Most best gift For a 16-year-old teenager, this is a beautifully designed diary-diary, complemented by an elegant pen in the same style.
A teenager becomes an adult.
At this age, many already have their first love, and perhaps the first disappointments. For some teenagers, this age means the appearance of sexual relations. But do not panic: not everyone at the age of sixteen is ready to take this step.
However, parents should start talking about sex so that the child is aware of all the consequences. If dad or mom can’t start a conversation, then you can buy the appropriate literature and give it to your child.
A teenager must understand that this is a period when he is responsible for all his actions. By the way, in Cuba this age is considered the age of majority.
At this age, the psychology of a teenager is more extensive and multifaceted.
In addition to physical, sexual, hormonal changes, there are other features - the child begins to pay attention to philosophy.
His outlook on life changes markedly. And those questions that did not bother him before, today come to the fore.
During this period, a person may exaggerate his abilities, as everything looks more simple, accessible and rosy. This is the psychology of a teenager.

16 years is a huge layer in which there is a lot of faith, desire, aspirations.
Man is at his peak emotional development.
Many parents find it very difficult to accept the need to "let go" of a teenager and they perceive such behavior of a teenager as rebellion and protest, although, in fact, their children are just growing up.
This is the age at which it is very important for a teenager to be accepted by you as parents. At this stage, it is important to be able to listen to a teenager and trust his Choice...
To be able to listen is not to lecture, not to criticize, not to threaten and not to say offensive phrases. Teenagers learn by their own choice. As long as the consequences of this choice do not threaten their health and life, do not interfere, but on the contrary, show a positive interest in the life of a teenager, be interested in her friends, but from a POSITIVE side.
In order for a conversation with a teenager to be effective, it is important for you, as a parent, to be able to differentiate your feelings and speak openly about them to a teenager. What I mean? For example, if your daughter came in late, you could say, "I was very worried because I was afraid that something happened to you" or "I am worried and worried about you. So I was very worried when you came home later than the time you told me about. I thought that maybe you had some problems and you need help."
Such condemning expressions as: "Where have you been?", "Why so late?" will certainly cause anger and aggression in a teenager and are unlikely to lead to a constructive conversation.
A young man, and even more so a teenager, easily idealize the people around him and the relationship between them, but they are quickly disappointed in them as soon as they discover an incomplete correspondence to a preconceived and overestimated ideal.
Such maximalism is a consequence of the desire for self-affirmation, it gives rise to the so-called black-and-white logic. Black-and-white logic, maximalism and little life experience lead young people to exaggerate the originality of their own experience. It seems to them that no one loved, suffered, fought like they did.
However, their parents, being at the mercy of the tastes and habits of their own youth, absolutizing and considering only their own habits and tastes to be the only correct ones, do not set an example of a reasonable attitude to reality, based on a sober assessment of the significance of events, elevating questions about the width of trousers, hair length, dance style, style of music and songs to the rank of problem.
These problems are as old as the world. Even Aristophanes in the comedy "Clouds" described the conflict between a reasonable, well-meaning father and a frivolous long-haired son.
In response to his father's request to sing something from the ancient authors - Simonides or Aeschylus - the son calls these poets outdated and stilted. When the son turns to modern art and reads a monologue from Euripides, the old man loses his temper, seeing in it bad taste and immorality.
Adults are sometimes outraged or, at best, surprised by the desire of young men to dress and behave “like everyone else”, even to the detriment of their own attractiveness and material opportunities.
In these actions, the increased importance for them of a sense of belonging to a certain group is manifested: educational, sports, etc. And in order to be completely “one’s own” in a group, one must look like everyone else and share common hobbies.
The inner world of another person can be understood only on condition of attention and respect for him, accepting him as an independent worthy person with his own views and his own life experience.
This is how the most common and absolutely fair complaint of boys and girls against their parents sounds: “They don’t listen to me!”
Haste, inability and unwillingness to listen own child, to understand what is happening in the complex youthful world, the inability to look at the problem from the position young man, self-satisfied confidence in the infallibility of one's life experience - all this can create a psychological barrier between parents and children.
This barrier can be strengthened by both parents and children. Parents may have the idea that for their child there is no value system, which, of course, does not bring them together.

Why is there such a frightening illusion?

When parents are unable to perceive their child, now a young man, as an independent person and there is no mutual understanding in the family, then the young man attaches hypertrophied great importance to his communication with peers.
In the case when the family of a young man and the group of peers that is significant for him, with whom he communicates, are guided by different systems of values, the values of the family are denied, which creates the impression that the young man does not have any values at all.
This illusion is a consequence of the one-sidedness and narrow-mindedness of parents, who for too long perceive their children as dependent and in need of petty care.
Parents erect a barrier between themselves and the child even when they abuse ethical requirements, suggesting that all other people except him are virtuous.
Such teachings repel young people, who are especially sensitive to any discrepancy between word and deed.
The demand for the fulfillment of moral norms is perceived without internal protest, if it is said that not all people are moral yet, but it is necessary to make efforts to improve one's own morality.
Do not be afraid to seriously discuss the negative aspects of life with growing children.
Maturity in a person comes when he understands that life does not know drafts, that everything is done finally.

Note to parents

Don't be afraid of transition. This is an inevitable stage in the life of every person. And if you want to soften this time, try to understand why the child does this and not otherwise.
The psychology of a teenager may seem strange and unpredictable to you, but it is absolutely not so. Only you are able, like no one else, to understand your child and help him overcome this period. It may be harder for him than it is for you. After all, a teenager is just beginning to understand himself and others, and all changes are difficult and incomprehensible for him.
But seriously, all that has been said is necessary for parents precisely so that they, in turn, also begin to relate to the sometimes unpleasant moments that occur in their relations with adolescents from the point of view of a pilot warned about all possible pitfalls and shoals, capable of leading the family boat through all storms and troubles to the cherished safe haven of established and friendly relations.

“He just looked at me! Yes, he only thinks about one thing! I think he likes me." Agree, familiar phrases? Surely, each of us at least once in his life mentioned such expressions in a conversation with friends. Sometimes it seems to all of us that males are completely bad, and we speak with them in different languages. But the fact is that the psychology of guys is completely different from the girl’s, and their thinking will never coincide with female logic. What to do, and how to find a common language with our men? Let's try to figure it out.

The psychology of guys - how to understand them?

To begin with, we begin to think about relationships with the onset of adolescence. And throughout this period, and it lasts from 14 to 22 years old, views on life change under the pressure of circumstances and experience. For all guys, this age passes individually. But still, there is General characteristics that apply to everyone.

The psychology of young guys can be divided into several stages. All of them depend on age and those needs that are leading at that time and, undoubtedly, affect relationships with girls.

Psychology of guys at 14 years old. This age is the most difficult to start any relationship. The concept of love in guys is confused with a biological sexual feeling. And if we take into account that girls at this age have an emotional-romantic attitude towards relationships, then in most cases the relationship ends with the classic belief that "they only need one thing."

Psychology of guys at 16-17 years old. This period is wonderful because most of the young men have already decided in their feelings and worldviews. This is the time of pure and bright first love. The attachment of a guy to a girl at this age is very high, and any termination of a relationship at the initiative of a girl can become a serious mental trauma for a guy. But again, do not forget about the second type of men who are still in search of their ideal. If you notice that your young man communicates with your girlfriend with the same interest as with you, or constantly makes new acquaintances, you should think about whether you are dealing with a classic womanizer?

Psychology of guys at 18-20 years old. This age to the same extent in both sexes is associated with the choice of a profession and the definition of one's place in life. The personality of the guys is usually already formed, and they clearly imagine their future. Here you can meet several types of young people:

The first type is interested in everything except girls. As a rule, these are either guys obsessed with a career, cars or friends. If you have met such a type, then know that he either has not “worked up” yet, or vice versa, in his life there have already been relationships in which he was burned;
the second type of guys, on the contrary, is too fixated on the weak field. Such people are very open in companies, have a lot of ambitions, and do not miss a single skirt. And with girls, such men are a huge success. However, it is important to remember that the psychology of the behavior of guys of this type lies in the presence of a bunch of complexes and a desire to assert themselves;
about the third type of guys, the famous female belief is composed that "everyone good men already busy." These are independent people who are serious about relationships and respect their beloved. The secret of the uniqueness of such guys is simple - a lot here depends on the girl herself. What does it take to get a guy like that? Let's explore further.

Since we are talking about male logic, let's dispel all the myths lovingly created by the female mind. Guys will never think the way we imagine it to. If you want to understand your young man, learn to think simpler. Coming up with different problems, panicking from scratch, drawing terrible pictures of betrayal in your head after a text message came to a guy is a purely female prerogative. Men think differently. It doesn’t matter to them that in a cafe someone has the same sweater as his, they never worry about their hair, manicure, dry skin of the face and a thousand other small female problems. If you want to have the perfect guy next to you, remember a few simple rules:

The psychology of a guy in love is not as complicated as it seems at first glance. If they give you flowers and show signs of attention, then you will certainly be liked, and they will try to win you over. Exceptions here are extremely rare. If a young man is interested in you, he will do everything to keep you close. And your task is to make sure that his interest in you does not fade away. Do not make scandals, trust him, let him know that he is needed and loved. And then your life will be filled with the happiness of harmonious and comfortable relationships.

Last time we talked to you about the childhood love that comes to our babies before puberty. Today I propose to discuss teenage love, try to figure out what it is, how to properly respond to the feelings of your child and help him cope with them.

Puberty is such a complex and mysterious stage of development in the life of adolescents. At the age of 12-16, our children experience a strong love, becoming more distracted, apathetic, their mood changes at the speed of sound, academic performance decreases. And it is the parents in this situation who should take on the role of wise mentors in order to help their children survive this difficult time. After all, who knows in advance, what if your teenager met his fate?

You should not take the news of falling in love as a global tragedy and throw tantrums about this with wringing hands, fainting and terrible thoughts like: “Oh, it’s too early for him to fall in love, he should only have studies in his head.” Remember yourself at this age, your experiences, throwing, fear to confess to your parents, horror at the thought that someone else besides you will find out about your feeling. Remembered? And what was it like for you? If you are lucky and your parents have supported you, do the same with your child. And, if in adolescence you were unlucky, and adults only brushed you off, giving you a slap along the way and punishing you (as I did) - you should not do the same. The opinion that “I managed and survived, and, therefore, you can” can be fatal for your child. Unfortunately, the thought of suicide due to unrequited love and misunderstanding with parents visits teenagers quite often, just to brush it aside and not pay attention. If you see that something is wrong with the child, try to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, frankly.

If the child fell in love, then the time has come.

You will have to come to terms with this - the child has grown. He has grown so much that he is already ready to love and receive love. And if you set limits: it’s too early for you or he (she) is not a couple for you, you will lose the confidence of a teenager. What to do, how to act? Let's turn to psychologists for help, what they will advise.

1. To begin with, you should not elevate yourself above a teenager and crush with your parental authority - this will provoke a desire to act contrary to you.

2. Your child must understand that you are with him, that his problems are your problems, his experiences are your experiences, and that you understand him perfectly.

3. Do not make fun of his feelings - they are too important for teenagers, and your ridicule can hurt him, moving him away from you.

4. Try to choose a calm form of communication so that there is no irritation, mutual aggression - the children are so confused by the feelings that have arisen, and then the closest relatives and friends make scandals.

5. No one excludes the fact that the chosen one or chosen one of your child does not quite correspond to your parental plans - however, it is not for you to choose, in any case, in the most acute period of falling in love, you certainly will not do anything. You should not make fun of his sympathy, responding unflatteringly and derogatoryly, it is better to find kind, sweet words It's easy to lose a child's trust, but it's hard to get it back.

6. Super-caring parents will immediately try to give a lecture on the topic of early sexual activity, its dangers, diseases and consequences. Of course, sexual education of adolescents is necessary, the main thing is not to overdo it and not provoke excessive interest in that very “forbidden fruit”.

7. To have clear view about the object of adoration of your child - invite him to visit. What will it give you? You will personally get acquainted, make your own, objective, opinion about it. And it is better to let them see each other at your home, in front of your eyes, than somewhere along the doorways. Just don't "strangle" the young lovers with excessive guardianship, give them a little freedom of action.

8. Choose a good moment and tell us about your first love, about your experiences, how and how it all ended, what experience you gained.

9. Do not prevent a teenager from making decisions on his own, to consider his object of sympathy better, even if he is disappointed in him - this will be his decision, not yours.

And how to communicate with him, in love?

A teenager in love does not fully understand what is happening to him: hormones are seething, the mood is either up or down, then I love, then I hate. Definitely, he needs your support: you are older, you are more experienced, after all, you have already been through this. And young Romeo and Juliet, who so much want to be adults, are still on the path of gaining experience and your valuable advice, truthful answers to questions, openness and desire to help will be very helpful.

When a child is in love, he wants to be better, look more beautiful and neat. It's time to teach your offspring how to properly arrange things in the closet, how to take care of yourself, a reminder of hygiene will not be superfluous. You can go shopping together and pick up a few new things for the child, beautiful accessories for the girl. In short, take an active part in the transformation of the child. Your offspring will definitely not hear lectures about deteriorating studies, but neat conversations on this topic are still worth holding. Try to convey to him that a quality education is a great start for the future and love in this matter is not a hindrance, but rather a great helper. Help plan the day so that homework enough time was given.

Of course, it’s easy to give advice and you can write anything you want, but let’s talk honestly with parents. Answer me a question: are you afraid of falling in love with your teenager? Why? What exactly is the source of anxiety? Fear that your child may face unrequited love? What will suffer and do a lot of stupid things in such a state? Or do you personally do not want to worry about this too?

In any case, whatever your answers, remember that this is your child, but not property. And he grows, his problems and difficulties also acquire a more adult character. Whether you like it or not, he's in love. And it is in your power to help him cope with this avalanche of emotions that are still incomprehensible, let the child feel that you are with him, you are there and will always help. Throw your fears, parental jealousy out of your head - they are not your helpers. Our children are worthy of respect, they do not need prohibitions and limits, they need our support and love.

Romeo and Juliet are the other side of love.

Let's talk a little about bad habits. Above, I have already cited as an example the advice of a psychologist that it is better to personally get to know the object of adoration of your child. And if you notice that something is wrong with the chosen one - do not rush to immediately put him out the door. Better then talk with your teenager and try to find out in more detail who his chosen one is, from which family. The age of 14-16 years is a time of experiments, when yesterday's children try to imitate adults: they try to smoke, get acquainted with alcohol, alas, but also with drugs. And here it is important not to miss the moment when a teenager from being interested becomes addicted.

Sports, all kinds of hobby groups, sections - this is the distraction that will help you protect your teenager from an early acquaintance with adult life. Scolding, punishing, and even more so to beat - it makes no sense. As I wrote above, this can provoke an action “contrary to”. Conversations that are even better supported by relevant literature will be more effective.

Due to misunderstandings with my parents, I started smoking at the age of 13, and by the age of 15 I got acquainted with alcohol. All this was done in spite of parental prohibitions: don't go, don't walk, stay at home and learn your lessons. It is a miracle that with such behavior I did not get into bad company, but finished school decently and was able to enter a university and get a higher education.

The first sexual experience is also acquired at this age: someone learns to kiss, and someone acquires a sexual partner. And here it is worth reminding you that you should start talking with your children about sex education from early childhood, presenting information in accordance with the age of your child. A teenager who knows where and how children come from, what sex is and what the consequences can be is unlikely to want full-fledged intimacy at this age.

Let's summarize.

Love is, of course, always beautiful! This is a feeling that elevates a person, motivating him to do things that were not previously characteristic of him. This is such a set of emotions that cannot be described in one sentence, but without this feeling, human life is not perfect. And when our children fall in love, you should not interfere with them by creating an obstacle course on the way to the object of your sympathy. Help them, so young and inexperienced, teach them to respect their chosen ones, to appreciate, to be sensitive and attentive, caring.

Remember, dear parents, that now you are helping your child learn to love, and how closely and sincerely you take part in his life depends on how he will build relationships with the opposite sex in adulthood.

Complete collection of materials

If the child fell in love, then the time has come.

1. To begin with, you should not elevate yourself above a teenager and crush with your parental authority - this will provoke a desire to act contrary to you.

2. Your child must understand that you are with him, that his problems are your problems, his experiences are your experiences, and that you understand him perfectly.

3. Do not make fun of his feelings - they are too important for teenagers, and your ridicule can hurt him, moving him away from you.

5. No one excludes the fact that the chosen one or chosen one of your child does not quite correspond to your parental plans - however, it is not for you to choose, in any case, in the most acute period of falling in love, you certainly will not do anything. You should not make fun of his sympathy, speaking unflatteringly and derogatoryly, it is better to find kind, affectionate words - it is easy to lose a child's trust, it is difficult to return.

7. To have a clear idea of the object of adoration for your child - invite him to visit. What will it give you? You will personally get acquainted, make your own, objective, opinion about it. And it is better to let them see each other at your home, in front of your eyes, than somewhere along the doorways. Just don't "strangle" the young lovers with excessive guardianship, give them a little freedom of action.

8. Choose a good moment and tell us about your first love, about your experiences, how and how it all ended, what experience you gained.

9. Do not prevent a teenager from making decisions on his own, to consider his object of sympathy better, even if he is disappointed in him - this will be his decision, not yours.

And how to communicate with him, in love?

Romeo and Juliet are the other side of love.

Let's summarize.

Love at the age of 17 is something both childish and adult, because guys and girls at this age are just getting ready to become men and women, and at the same time they have minimal life experience.

There is no more mysterious and alluring feeling in a person's life than love. It can knock on our door suddenly or grow and develop for a long time.

What you need to know

Forewarned is forearmed. Love at 17 adolescence often associated with negative factors that lead to further problems with studies, parents, friends.

No, this does not mean at all that at the age of 17 it is “impossible”. Just such an age is successful for the first relationship.

Personality formation

A person's personality develops throughout life. Each period is associated with the action of its social and biological factors that influence the formation of a person's character, his worldview.

According to E. Erickson, 11-20 years is the time of puberty, adolescence and adolescence. During this period, a teenager's self-determination takes place, the formation of plans for the future.

Boys and girls decide main question: who to be and what to do in life? They experiment, play different roles in society.

“First love is not the first and not the last. This is the love in which we most of all invested ourselves, our soul, when we still had a soul, ”A. V. Vampilov

However, we are interested in the following: during this period, there is a clear sexual polarization, i.e. development of sexual self-determination and associated forms of social behavior.

E. Erickson also highlights the abnormal side of personality development at the age of 11-20, when a person cannot focus on his future and often looks into the past.

His worldview and beliefs are mixed up, becoming unconvincing for the individual himself. There is a problem of "self-digging". There is a mixture of forms of sexual behavior in society.

What can influence the formation of personality:

Path to adulthood

17 years is a transitional age when a guy or a girl is preparing for adulthood. During this period, teenagers begin to ask questions that they have not even thought about before (What is life?

How to live right? How to become happy? What to do to succeed in society? What awaits me in the future? What will my parents say about me at the age of 20-25?).

In general, a person understands himself and his desires, needs, duties, hobbies, beliefs.

From the age of 16, most boys and girls are attracted to the opposite sex. They ask questions about the sexual characteristics of men and women, their physiology, sex.

And yes, sex at 16-18 is normal. The only thing to be aware of is the possible risks.at the age of 17 will leave many memories for life.

Whether they will be good or negative depends on the adolescents themselves and their psychological state. By this age, the person becomes mature enough to "taste" the relationship for the first time.

How to understand that this is love at 17 years old

Even at the age of 17, true love can arise. However, this is rare, and teenagers often confuse this feeling with being in love or passion.

If passion is a drug, then love is healing and creation. This is how the two feelings differ. Being in love is not love either.

This is mania, sympathy for a member of the opposite sex. A teenager wants to spend time together and comfortably, without feeling any responsibilities or problems.

When there is love between teenagers, everything becomes different: people are not only attracted to each other because of their positive qualities.

The guy and the girl also do not pay attention to each other's shortcomings, sometimes finding advantages in them. They do not try to fix something in themselves, and it is not necessary.

Here are specific signs of love that are relevant not only for teenagers, but also for other age categories:

Excitement at the sight of your sympathy.
Embarrassing redness of the face.
Conversations with neighbors often go into the mainstream of discussing their first love.
I want to communicate a lot with my soul mate.
You are drawn to him / her, and it is not clear how and why this happens.
There is a desire to give everything you have. And we are talking about spiritual values.

Signs of a teenager falling in love

Any relationship begins with a feeling of love. 17 year olds are no exception.

There are several signs by which you can guess the existence of sympathy for a guy or girl:

A teenager comes home later than usual	He begins to spend his free time not on a computer or books, but on “walking with friends”
Long phone conversations become commonplace	A teenager can hang on the phone for 30 minutes or even several hours in a row, chatting about anything.
Boy or girl start to follow	and with their appearance with greater diligence
Contraceptives appear	—
Constant changes in the mood of a teenager	Either he is happy (after a successful date) or depressed, crying, walking around with a sad face (unrequited love)

There are also differences in behavior between boys and girls.

Girls

What are the characteristic features of behavior that can give out a teenage girl in love:

Now let's talk about boys. What behavioral features can be seen in the representatives of the stronger sex:

He is constantly looking for his sympathy in the crowd. He wants her to notice him.
There is a change in the guy's behavior with any appearance of his soulmate. For example, if in the company of friends a young man is the soul of the company, then when “her” appears on the horizon, he turns into a shy boy.
The guy becomes a gentleman: opens the door to his girlfriend, carries her bags / backpack, compliments.
A young man in love tries to fulfill any desire of his passion. Very often, a girl's wish, jokingly said, is immediately fulfilled.

First love at 17

Teenagers are always interested in something new, and relationships are no exception. They can affect a guy or a girl in different ways, and this can often be seen.

Video: my first love at 17 - experience and conclusions

Every teenager should always remember that relationships are not only pleasure in the company of their soulmate, but also responsibility.

Therefore, true first love in such early age is not common and is typical only for mature persons, not only physically, but also spiritually.

No wonder people say - "little children - little troubles." As your yesterday's baby grows, more and more chores and problems appear. Just yesterday, mom was looking for answers to questions related to raising a baby. And today she is feverishly looking for any information about such a phenomenon as the manifestation of love in adolescents of 14 years old, and sometimes even younger.

No matter how parents deny the fact that their child has grown up, and no matter how they drive away the thought of a possible love of teenagers, and even more so about teenage sex, almost no one can avoid this. Don't believe? And try to strain your memory and remember yourself at this age. Surely, you will remember your first love - so pure and bright, when it seemed that this love was forever. And the chosen one or the chosen one seemed the most ideal people in the world.

So why do parents, having heard that their child has also encountered his first love, refuse to believe in this fact and take it for granted? Often, parents begin to prove to their child that he is still too small for love, that this is not love at all, without listening to any persuasions and exhortations of their child. But that's not the worst thing parents can do.

A much bigger mistake, which is quite common, is to make fun of a child's feelings. The consequences of such a line of parental behavior can be the saddest. Moreover, the loss of mutual understanding and contact between parents and their child is far from the worst option. Sometimes, to our great regret, a desperate teenager in love may even try to make a suicide attempt. Especially if this very first love turns out to be unrequited.

Also, very often the chosen one or the chosen one of your child becomes a reason for disagreement. In almost all cases, it has happened for a long time, but their parents do not like the choice of children at all. Those parents who turn out to be a little wiser than the rest prefer to keep all criticism about the choice of a son or daughter to themselves. However, alas, most often parents at an emotional input, without particularly choosing words and expressions, tell the child everything they think about his soulmate.

As a result, a difficult, tense psychological situation reigns in the house - the parents conduct endless conversations in the spirit of “mother did not raise a berry for him,” the child snaps. Agree - not the most rosy prospect. And in order not to be in such an unpleasant situation, parents must be fully armed.

After all, it often happens that all parental discontent and worries turn out to be absolutely justified. Unfortunately, no matter how much parents want it, the social circle modern teenagers is large enough, and includes not only positive boys and girls.

And for some reason, very often teenagers choose their soul mates from the so-called antipodes - people who are completely opposite to themselves. Look around - for sure, you will remember several couples in which the partners, at first glance, seem completely unsuitable for each other. The boy is an excellent student, a university student, dating a poorly educated and rather dissolute high school student. Or, on the contrary, a girl - a member of the Komsomol, a pioneer and just a beauty, doomed to the first fool, and a hooligan of the yard.

Sometimes their friendships and relationships are completely innocent, and do absolutely no harm to a teenager. However, not always, unfortunately. How many times have teenagers, trying to be like their soul mate, started smoking, tasting alcohol, and even drugs. But this is far from full list of what a child in a socially disadvantaged environment may be drawn into.

So that, to the best of their ability, parents can prevent such situations, support their child morally, and, where it is really necessary, control the child, or vice versa, give him a little more will, and you need to know everything about things like falling in love with teenagers.

Signs of a teenager falling in love

Baby and family psychologists unanimously argue that adolescence is one of the most difficult for both the child himself and all the adults around him. And this is not surprising - after all, it is at a transitional age that a child very actively begins to manifest such a character trait as adolescent negativism.

It manifests itself in the fact that a teenager begins to question absolutely all the words of adults, trying to refute them, and not in discussion, but in practice. Mom says that smoking is bad for health? So, you need to smoke and see in half a year what will come of it. Did dad say you have to be at home no later than ten o'clock at night? We should try to come at 11 and see what happens.

In addition, at a certain point, almost all teenagers begin to feel that adults climb too hard not only into the soul, but also into the life of the child. Especially if adults only confirm his assumptions with their behavior. There are several main taboos that psychologists strongly do not recommend breaking:

Do not rummage through children's things - pockets of things, bags, desk drawers. Remember that the child is likely to perceive this behavior as a manifestation of parental distrust of him.
The same is true for mobile phones and computers - do not climb on them. Believe me, if your teenager wants to watch porn videos, he will watch them anyway, not at home, but with friends.

Otherwise, your child will close in itself more densely than a mollusk in its shell. After all, even in that case. if the relationship between parents and children is just perfect, in adolescence they still try not to let parents into their lives once again. And therefore, most often, attentive parents can find out that your child has fallen in love only by signs of love, because it is unlikely that the child will be able to hide all his thoughts and emotions. So these signs are:

Time spent by the child at home

In the event that before your child could spend days on end reading a book or at a computer, and in Lately increasingly began to disappear away from home, returning later than usual, this may be a sign that he fell in love. And, of course, he tries to spend all his free time with his passion.

In such a case, the biggest mistake of parents will be prohibitions to spend time outside the home. The child will begin to violently protest against such a ban, and may simply hate you. Of course, after some time, this hatred will disappear without a trace, but for a long time, the hassle is provided to both the parents themselves and the teenager.

It is much more reasonable to give the child a little more freedom than usual. Although, of course, in no case should one forget about the boundaries of the reasonable - it is unacceptable to allow a teenager to return in the morning. However, allow your son or daughter to return home at least an hour later than usual. Believe me - he will definitely appreciate your trust!

Increased phone talk time

Often, when a teenager has a boyfriend or girlfriend, they begin to spend much more time talking on the phone. And in the event that earlier child without any looking back he was talking on the phone in your presence, now he is trying to leave the room or at least move away from you a little further so that you do not hear the conversation.

Moreover, many parents are very worried about this, believing that the child is hiding something criminal from them. However, in fact, for the most part, all these conversations are inherently completely harmless. And the child leaves only because, considering himself already quite an adult, he strives for some autonomy and independence. Do not worry about this - very soon this desire will pass without a trace, immediately after the disappearance of youthful maximalism.

Asking for more pocket money

As a rule, this point is true in relation to boys. And this is not surprising - after all, fortunately, despite any emancipation and other "charms" of modern life, there are still quite a lot of real representatives of the stronger sex who prefer to pay for their dates on their own. And parents should be glad that they managed to raise a real man, albeit still very young.

Try, to the best of your family's financial means, to allocate a little more money to your son so that he can take his girlfriend to a cafe, or at least simply pay for public transport for her. Otherwise, the child will begin to independently seek an opportunity to find money.

And given the fact that not always a teenager can earn money, parents should seriously think about it. There is no guarantee that your son will not start stealing money from you. And this is in the best case, and in the worst case, the son may be involved in various illegal actions, and as a result, he will have quite serious problems with the law. After all, you probably don't want that, do you?

Teen mood

A change in the mood of a teenager can also indicate his love. Moreover, these same changes can be very different and opposite. In the event that the first love is mutual, the child feels a certain euphoria, is constantly in high spirits, which is very difficult for him to spoil.

But in the event that the object of sympathy did not reciprocate teenage love, the picture can be completely opposite. The child is almost constantly in a depressed state, may refuse to walk, eat. Teenage girls can cry a lot. Of course, parents should try to help their child at this time, but remember that adolescents' perception of the world is not at all the same as that of adults.

And if an adult woman who has parted with her passion, despite sobs, will gladly discuss with her friend all his shortcomings and agree that he is a complete bastard, then a teenager, in response to an attempt by his parents to point out the shortcomings of his chosen one, can completely close in himself. And even just an attempt by mom or dad to comfort a child can cause a protest reaction. It is much wiser to try to distract the child.

For example, if you have the opportunity, send the child somewhere to rest - a change of scenery helps even adults very well, not to mention impressionable teenagers. Or buy him something that he has long wanted - a computer, a new phone. And don’t worry too much yourself - no matter how deadly the child’s mental wound may seem, very soon he will calm down and forget his first unhappy love.

Appearance of a teenager

One of the most characteristic signs that a teenager has fallen in love is his increased attention to his appearance. Just yesterday, your son didn’t really care about the cleanliness of his shoes, but today you can look in them like in a mirror? Has your daughter suddenly started asking you for permission to dye her hair? All this is a reason for parents to assume that their child has fallen in love.

It is during this period that quite often there are also serious conflicts between parents and children. And this is not at all surprising - of course, if the child began to more carefully monitor his appearance, this will only be a plus. However, often a teenager conducts real experiments with his appearance - he dyes his hair in unimaginable shades, pierces all kinds of parts of the body, puts on unimaginable clothes.

Of course, only a few parents can calmly and silently observe such experiments without criticizing the child. However, such criticism is unlikely to have the desired effect, but the probability of spoiling the relationship with the child is very high. Therefore, try to accept the child with all his experiments - very soon they will pass, as they are just one of the inevitable factors of growing up and finding oneself.

If tolerating such creativity is absolutely unbearable, try inviting your child to go to a beauty salon and go shopping together. Perhaps in this way you will be able to at least slightly adjust the appearance of a teenager. And by the way, about shopping - try not to save on your child's wardrobe during this period, otherwise he may develop quite serious complexes. Yes, and children are quite cruel creatures - teasing a child who stands out from the general crowd, who does not have this or that fashionable thing, is an absolutely normal practice for them.

The advent of contraceptives

Sometimes it happens that parents accidentally find contraceptives in a teenager. As a rule, condoms are found most often in boys. But girls can also often find contraceptives - the same condoms, or even birth control pills.

This situation is twofold. On the one hand, there is nothing good in the fact that the child began to have sex too early. And it is quite natural that the very first desire of the parents will be the impulse to throw a terrible scandal with a showdown and the search for the perpetrators.

However, before you do this, try to calm down and think soberly. What will you achieve scandal? Virginity to your child will not return with all your desire. But the relationship, once again, can be ruined completely.

Psychologists recommend that parents pretend that they did not notice anything and ... rejoice. One can foresee the violent objections of the parents - they say, what is there to rejoice about? And the fact that your child turned out to be reasonable and far-sighted enough to take care of his safety. Not all teenagers, having begun a sexual life, think about their own safety in principle.

However, it’s also not worth relaxing at all - after all, your child is still quite young, and is unlikely to know about all the dangers that sexual relations may pose. Try to inadvertently make sure that the child receives all necessary information. How you do it is not important. You can leave in a conspicuous place the relevant subject literature, for example.

Of course, this list of signs of a possible teenage crush is very arbitrary. Often, all these changes occur during adolescence, whether the child is in love or not. In addition, psychologists say that most of these signs should alert parents, especially the disappearance of money from home and constant fluctuations. emotional background child. In some cases, this may indicate that the child has quite serious problems, up to drug use.

In general, it is generally accepted that the more signs are collected, the higher the likelihood that the child is really in love. And very often the best way find out this will become an open question to the child. But as you remember, if he does not want to answer him, you should not insist and try to get into the child’s soul - you can only push him away from you.

How should parents behave?

As you can see, love causes changes in teenagers almost always, and sometimes quite significant. How should parents respond to this situation? Let her take her course and not interfere? But it has already been said above that sometimes first love can lead to extremely sad consequences.

Interfere? However, even here pitfalls can lie in wait for parents - the child will consider that you do not trust him, or are overprotective. And this also often leads to various conflicts. Unfortunately, very often parents follow the path of least resistance - they simply forbid the child to communicate with the object of love. And they don’t pay much attention to such trifles as a spoiled relationship with their own offspring, believing that everything will work out by itself.

However, such a tactic of behavior is far from the most correct. At first glance, everything can go completely without a trace. However, in reality this is not at all the case - the child simply - simply hides his resentment deep into the subconscious. And then, after many years, you should not be surprised - why does your child pay you “protocol” courtesy visits several times a year, writing off for terrible employment.

However, this is not the most unpleasant of all that such a line of behavior can turn into. As a rule, almost all children, without exception, in adulthood, becoming parents themselves, involuntarily, at the subconscious level, will repeat the line of behavior of their parents. And that means their mistakes.

In order to prevent such a situation, it is very important to behave correctly in this situation. There are several tips from a psychologist that will help parents behave correctly. So:

Get to know your child's object of sympathy

If you are lucky and you know exactly who your child is in love with, try to get to know him. Advise the child to invite the chosen one or the chosen one home. And pay attention - there is absolutely no need to arrange a family dinner. Children are still too young, and therefore there is absolutely no point in arranging a “bride show”.

Acquaintance is necessary in order to get to know a person better. Very often, when meeting, it turns out that a person is actually much better than he seemed at first glance. And who knows, perhaps behind the appearance of a cheeky girl with purple hair hides a quite modest girl who is trying to fulfill herself in this way. And behind the appearance of a guy - a bully - a young man who catches every word and look of your daughter, ready to fulfill her every desire and protect her from the slightest danger.

Meet your child's friends

In a very advantageous position are those parents who know the environment of their child. Try to get to know all, well, or almost all of his friends - and you will have at least a rough idea in what social circle your child rotates. So, you will already know approximately what to expect and what to prepare for.

However, be prepared for the fact that in order to get to know your child's friends, you will have to resort to a little trick. It is unlikely that the child will bring them to you one by one for acquaintance, as if for interrogation. But in the event that you organize a party for your son or daughter and their friends, you will surely have a great opportunity not only to see almost all your close people with your own eyes, but also to be known as understanding and, as the younger generation says, “advanced” parents.

However, remember that it is unlikely that children will be able to feel comfortable under your tireless control - give them a little bit of freedom. Stay for a while and go to the movies or visit - leave the teens alone. Trust me, nothing bad will happen to them. But your child will surely appreciate your trust in him, and will try in every possible way to justify him and not lose him. Yes, and on your relationship with the child is similar small holiday will have the most positive impact.

Refrain from criticism

It may well be that at the meeting you only make sure that you were right, and the second half of your child is very far from ideal. However, do not rush to tell your daughter that the guy is not worth her little finger, and your son that his girlfriend is just a dummy. Thus, you will not achieve anything, but only push the child away from you. Moreover, your child, in spite of you, will spend even more time with the object of sympathy, even if the interest passes by itself, in a natural way.

But talking frankly with the child will not be superfluous. Try to unobtrusively find out from your son or daughter what exactly attracted them so much in the chosen one or the chosen one. In no case do not ridicule the arguments of the child, but try to truly understand and accept them. Perhaps these arguments are not so naive and stupid.

Don't take notes

Another very common mistake many parents make is turning a confidential conversation with their child into a banal lecture. Agree, few people will like the situation when he comes to close person with a desire to talk, but instead of advice, or at least understanding, he receives a moralizing sermon.

Therefore, no matter how hard it is for you to resist "soul-saving" conversations, in no case do not give in to the impulse. Be sure to listen to the child, try to give him the really right and helpful advice if he needs it. Remember that the first love will pass quickly enough, but restoring the lost trust of the child is extremely difficult, and sometimes completely unrealistic.

Let the child fill his "bumps"

Of course, no parent wants their child to have to make mistakes. And then pay for these mistakes, sometimes quite seriously. However, you should never do this! No matter how much you want it, you can’t just physically protect your child from all the dangers that may lie in wait for him on a long journey of life.

So maybe it really makes sense to give the child the opportunity to make mistakes and gain their own life experience, albeit a minimal one? At least until the child is next to you, and you will be able to provide him with the necessary assistance. And later, when the child grows up, it may happen that you cannot help him in such situations. So why take the risk and deprive the child of the opportunity to gain experience and grow up?

Don't meddle in teen relationships

In no case should you ever try to make an effort to make young lovers quarrel. And, unfortunately, many parents practice a similar line of behavior. Intrigue, gossip, slander, slander - parents are ready to do anything to quarrel young people.

However, this is very risky. negative consequences. If you try to turn your child against his significant other, and their relationship remains strong, you risk becoming enemy number one for both of them. And in this case, be prepared for the fact that you will be shunned and avoided in every possible way. The child will fully and completely try to protect his personal life from your presence.

The reaction to even the most innocuous question like “where are you going?” will only make the child want to snap. The child will begin to hide everything from you - his computer, phone, personal belongings. Very soon, family life will begin to resemble a battlefield, on which parents and a teenager will become opponents.

Such a turn of events is especially fraught for the daughter's parents, and for herself in the first place. Often there are cases when a girl deliberately becomes pregnant very early from her boyfriend, and as a result, at 15-16 years old, parents are forced to either give their permission for marriage, or even send their daughter for an abortion.

But this is not the best solution either. Firstly, the first abortion, and even at such an early age, has an extremely negative impact on the health of a woman, and on the functioning of her reproductive system in particular. You should not focus on the medical aspects - for sure everyone knows about them very well.

And secondly, your daughter is now going through an extremely difficult life period. Hormonal changes, and even the first love, are a real explosive mixture that makes a girl absolutely uncontrollable. She can simply - simply pack up and go to live with her young man. And consider that you are very lucky if your daughter's chosen one turns out to be a quiet boy who lives in a neighboring house, and you systematically meet his parents in the nearest store.

And if not? If you have a very vague idea what kind of person is the guy your daughter is in love with? What if he lives where he has to, earns extra money doing not very legal business, or does he hitchhike? Think - where will you look for your daughter in this case? But such stories, unfortunately, are not at all some kind of horror stories for parents, but they occur, and, alas, they are not so rare.

In the event that you still manage to achieve your goal and your son or daughter parted with their passion, they may blame you for this. Often, even after many years, this childish resentment makes itself felt - the child can periodically, as a rule, during quarrels or conflicts, remind you of this act of yours.

Tell your child about your first love

If you categorically refuse to accept the choice of the child, remember that. That notations and moralizing in a conversation are in no case unacceptable. Therefore, try to go the other way - tell him about your first love. And do not skimp on words - tell us in as much detail as possible: about your feelings and emotions at that moment, about experiences, plans and hopes, about the first dates and the first kiss.

Try to speak as convincingly as possible so that the child feels the sincerity of your words. And then tell him how and why this love passed for you, how you met your true love- his second parent. Moreover, it is highly desirable that both parents, both mom and dad, tell about it.

Why is this needed, you ask? And with such stories, in any case, you will make the child involuntarily think about what. It is possible, and his first love is not forever. After all, the life of a child is just beginning - and who knows how it will develop further. However, in no case do not give examples from someone else's life - there is no point in pointing to a neighbor's girl who gave birth to a baby at 16 and is raising him alone. Such an example, most likely, the child will perceive as an ordinary regular “lecture” on the topic of morality.

Boost your child's self-esteem

Most often, in order for the child to part with his passion, parents choose the following tactics: they begin to look for the slightest flaws in the beloved teenager. And be sure to vigorously discuss them among themselves, but so that the child hears about it. And sometimes the child is also constantly pointed to them.

But such a tactic is doomed to failure in advance - people in love usually notice little around. And even more so, they never see flaws in the object of their love. It just so happened. That love is generally very prone to idealizing a partner. Don't believe? Remember yourself at the peak of love.

Features of the psychology of a teenager - 16 years old

A sixteen-year-old teenager is the most difficult test for parents.

It was this age that defined the term "difficult" as applied to adolescents in general.
All the antagonistic contradictions and complexities of adolescence pour out at this time as if from a cornucopia. Just have time to “lay straws” at the same time, so that those whom parents consider to be still children do not fill too many cones.
However, according to many professionals who have experienced this difficult period of their lives in their time, the difficulty of this age is due, first of all, to the fact that it is difficult for a teenager himself to fit in with his new dimensions (and not only physical parameters) in the world around him.

It is incredibly difficult for sixteen-year-olds to come to terms with themselves in a new capacity: no longer a child, but also not quite an adult.

The following characteristic features of 16-year-olds are distinguished:

At the level of self-consciousness, their worldview is being actively formed, while the stable “concept of the self” is already fully formed, as a result of which the assessments of the surrounding 16-year-olds are of little concern;

In terms of cognitive activity, professional interests begin to form at this age, skills for managing other people appear up to provocations;

There is a growing need for a close-knit team of people united by common interests, it is for this age that cases of mass demonstrations and actions against anything are typical;

The formation of sexuality and one's own views on the problems associated with these, reaches its final stage;

The only positive for parents: teenagers at 16 become more balanced emotionally, their actions are more consistent and not as impulsive as before.

So, the main problems and difficulties are listed. It remains only to decide how to overcome these problems with the least losses for both sides.

The simplest and most effective tool that helps in this situation is keeping a diary.

In this cherished notebook, a teenager often writes down everything that happens to him, and in the future he has the opportunity to analyze all this information, moving it away from himself at some distance in time. Often this method helps to see your own mistakes and not repeat them in the future.

The best gift for a 16-year-old is a beautifully designed journal diary, complete with an elegant pen in the same style.

A teenager becomes an adult.
At this age, many already have their first love, and perhaps the first disappointments. For some teenagers, this age means the appearance of sexual relations. But do not panic: not everyone at the age of sixteen is ready to take this step.

However, parents should start talking about sex so that the child is aware of all the consequences. If dad or mom can’t start a conversation, then you can buy the appropriate literature and give it to your child.
A teenager must understand that this is a period when he is responsible for all his actions. By the way, in Cuba this age is considered the age of majority.

At this age, the psychology of a teenager is more extensive and multifaceted.

In addition to physical, sexual, hormonal changes, there are other features - the child begins to pay attention to philosophy.
His outlook on life changes markedly. And those questions that did not bother him before, today come to the fore.
During this period, a person may exaggerate his abilities, as everything looks more simple, accessible and rosy. This is the psychology of a teenager.

16 years is a huge layer in which there is a lot of faith, desire, aspirations.

A person is at the peak of his emotional development.

Many parents find it very difficult to accept the need to "let go" of a teenager and they perceive such behavior of a teenager as rebellion and protest, although, in fact, their children are just growing up.

This is the age at which it is very important for a teenager to be accepted by you as parents. At this stage, it is important to be able to listen to a teenager and trust his Choice...

To be able to listen is not to lecture, not to criticize, not to threaten and not to say offensive phrases. Teenagers learn by their own choice. As long as the consequences of this choice do not threaten their health and life, do not interfere, but on the contrary, show a positive interest in the life of a teenager, be interested in her friends, but from a POSITIVE side.

In order for a conversation with a teenager to be effective, it is important for you, as a parent, to be able to differentiate your feelings and speak openly about them to a teenager. What I mean? For example, if your daughter came in late, you could say, "I was very worried because I was afraid that something happened to you" or "I am worried and worried about you. So I was very worried when you came home later than the time you told me about. I thought that maybe you had some problems and you need help."

Such condemning expressions as: "Where have you been?", "Why so late?" will certainly cause anger and aggression in a teenager and are unlikely to lead to a constructive conversation.

A young man, and even more so a teenager, easily idealize the people around him and the relationship between them, but they are quickly disappointed in them as soon as they discover an incomplete correspondence to a preconceived and overestimated ideal.

Such maximalism is a consequence of the desire for self-affirmation, it gives rise to the so-called black-and-white logic. Black-and-white logic, maximalism and little life experience lead young people to exaggerate the originality of their own experience. It seems to them that no one loved, suffered, fought like they did.

However, their parents, being at the mercy of the tastes and habits of their own youth, absolutizing and considering only their own habits and tastes to be the only correct ones, do not set an example of a reasonable attitude to reality, based on a sober assessment of the significance of events, elevating questions about the width of trousers, hair length, dance style, style of music and songs to the rank of problem.
These problems are as old as the world. Even Aristophanes in the comedy "Clouds" described the conflict between a reasonable, well-meaning father and a frivolous long-haired son.
In response to his father's request to sing something from the ancient authors - Simonides or Aeschylus - the son calls these poets outdated and stilted. When the son turns to modern art and reads a monologue from Euripides, the old man loses his temper, seeing in it bad taste and immorality.

Adults are sometimes outraged or, at best, surprised by the desire of young men to dress and behave “like everyone else”, even to the detriment of their own attractiveness and material opportunities.
In these actions, the increased importance for them of a sense of belonging to a certain group is manifested: educational, sports, etc. And in order to be completely “one’s own” in a group, one must look like everyone else and share common hobbies.
The inner world of another person can be understood only on condition of attention and respect for him, accepting him as an independent worthy person with his own views and his own life experience.
This is how the most common and absolutely fair complaint of boys and girls against their parents sounds: “They don’t listen to me!”

Haste, inability and unwillingness to listen to one's own child, to understand what is happening in the complex youthful world, the inability to look at the problem from the position of a young person, self-satisfied confidence in the infallibility of one's life experience - all this can create a psychological barrier between parents and children.
This barrier can be strengthened by both parents and children. Parents may have the idea that for their child there is no value system, which, of course, does not bring them together.

Why is there such a frightening illusion?
When parents are unable to perceive their child, now a young man, as an independent person and there is no mutual understanding in the family, then the young man attaches hypertrophied great importance to his communication with peers.
In the case when the family of a young man and the group of peers that is significant for him, with whom he communicates, are guided by different systems of values, the values of the family are denied, which creates the impression that the young man does not have any values at all.
This illusion is a consequence of the one-sidedness and narrow-mindedness of parents, who for too long perceive their children as dependent and in need of petty care.

Parents erect a barrier between themselves and the child even when they abuse ethical requirements, suggesting that all other people except him are virtuous.
Such teachings repel young people, who are especially sensitive to any discrepancy between word and deed.
The demand for the fulfillment of moral norms is perceived without internal protest, if it is said that not all people are moral yet, but it is necessary to make efforts to improve one's own morality.
Do not be afraid to seriously discuss the negative aspects of life with growing children.
Maturity in a person comes when he understands that life does not know drafts, that everything is done finally.

Note to parents
Don't be afraid of transition. This is an inevitable stage in the life of every person. And if you want to soften this time, try to understand why the child does this and not otherwise.

The psychology of a teenager may seem strange and unpredictable to you, but it is absolutely not so. Only you are able, like no one else, to understand your child and help him overcome this period. It may be harder for him than it is for you. After all, a teenager is just beginning to understand himself and others, and all changes are difficult and incomprehensible for him.

But seriously, all that has been said is necessary for parents precisely so that they, in turn, also begin to relate to the sometimes unpleasant moments that occur in their relations with adolescents from the point of view of a pilot warned about all possible pitfalls and shoals, capable of leading the family boat through all storms and troubles to the cherished safe haven of established and friendly relations.

Source Medvesti.